It’s slower than usual for a Monday, which I should take as a nice sign that everyone is gearing down for the big food holiday in the US this Thursday. Still, it makes our jobs as professional gossips a little harder as we struggle for who to talk about. Let’s stretch out the AMA Fashion into this one last post of a few stragglers.

Here’s Heidi Klum in her signature look: sexy ridiculous fug. This woman doesn’t care what she wears as long as she shows off her hot body. To prove my point: this, this, this and this.

Heidi is in Alexandre Vauthier, who was responsible for her equally awful and ill-fitting Emmys gown. This time she’s in a very tight, very short, very see-through gold lacy brocade gown with cap sleeves, shoulder pads and matching f’ing shoes. Matching f’ing shoes! That actually makes me angry for some reason I can’t properly explain. These look like Louboutins, so I want to know if they were custom made to mimic the dress, or if the dress was designed to match the shoes. Either way, awful! (This material is something called guipure lace if you’re interested, but you probably won’t be after seeing it on Heidi.) I used to like Heidi when I barely paid attention to her, but lately she’s on my sh*t list.

In contrast, Jordin Sparks is a sweetie with bad fashion sense. That’s just the impression I get of her, she seems perfectly nice and harmless. She’s in a mess of a patchwork and fishnet Etro dress that’s supposed to be contemporary but just looks cacophonous. (Sorry for that $10 word, I couldn’t come up with anything else and it is a music event after all.) It’s not very flattering to her great figure, either. Red Carpet Fashion Awards claims that Sparks is pulling off this look, but I disagree. I don’t think anyone could wear that dress well, apart from maybe Cate Blanchett.

Jordin was with her boyfriend, singer Jason Derulo. Huffington Post has a nice article about these two along with some quotes from Jordin saying she hopes he proposes. Play it closer to your chest, Jordin!

Lucy Hale from “Pretty Little Liars: was cute in a simple black cocktail dress with red heels and a statement necklace. It’s a very young, innocent look. She’s 23 though and I would put her at 17 or 18 in this outfit. She’s got a baby face I guess.

And finally Elisha Cuthbert of “Happy Endings” was looking like she was at the Oscars in a strapless, formfitting gold Georges Chakra gown. This dress is amazing, but I wonder if it’s a little too formal for this event. Still, she looked incredible. Her hair and makeup were so well done too.

Photo credit: WENN.com and FameFlynet

I wanted to cover Hayden Panettiere’s fashion at the Teen Choice Awards just for the chance to talk about her awesome shoes. She’s wearing B By Brian Atwood ‘Fontane’ pumps, which are available on Nordstrom.com for $350. These shoes wouldn’t work with a patterned dress, but with a solid color they make a striking accessory. I would wear these! I know they may look clownish to some of you, but I think they rock.

Hayden is in a sequin purple Zuhair Murad cap sleeve dress with a superfluous little ruffle around the bottom. Without the ruffle, the dress might be hot but it’s looking a little goofy to me. It really shows off Hayden’s great figure, though. Have you seen those recent bikini photos of Hayden? She obviously works her butt off at the gym. Also, she’s doing the squinty black-rimmed eye makeup trend that needs to go away already.

Jordin Sparks left a lot to be desired in this bizarre v-neck black taffeta Chagoury Couture with a too-short bubble skirt. It’s got an ill-fitting empire waist and features sequin flowers over her boobs with little Vs pointing to her cleavage. How could she go out of the house like this? Jordin is on the cover of the new issue of Shape in a bikini looking like a million bucks. It’s a shame she chose this dress when she would look hot in just about anything.

Pretty Little Liars’ Lucy Hale was adorable in an orange a Wes Gordon dress with an A-line skirt. This makes her look younger than her age, 23, but I like how she’s not showing too much skin. I really love her hair in that messy side braid too. Usually I’m not a fan of deliberately messy hair, but this works well on her.

Pretty Little Liars took home a bunch of awards, including Choice TV Drama, and Choice TV Actress: Drama, for Lucy Hale. I tried to watch that show the first season, but it got too complicated for me and it was hard to suspend disbelief with the plotlines. Still, I understand its appeal.

Also here’s Lucy’s costar Ashley Benson in an awful Monique Lhuillier too-small black bustier paired with Balenciaga pants. The pants are unflattering to say the least, and they’re rolled up! Plus her hair is just awful. I kind of feel sorry for her.

Here’s a look at the PLL cast in the press room.

The CMT Music Awards were last night, hosted by Kristen Bell for some reason. Carrie Underwood took home the awards for best video, for “Good Girl.” (Go here for a list of winners.) We’re going to be talking about the fashion. No one really brought it at all, as Kaiser explained earlier in her coverage.

Here we have Carrie in a “silver-and-black sequined Randi Rahm mini dress.” (To quote Red Carpet Fashion Awards.) Considering the event, the dress is decent and it’s very flattering on her small frame. I find her flowing fake hair to be a little much, but this is Carrie and she’s always styled to perform, including some very heavy-handed makeup. Those really fug shoes are just killing it for me, however. I don’t mind thick ankle straps, I have a pair of open toe heels with big straps like this that fasten around the ankles. Those fat straps don’t go with booties, though!

Carrie’s husband Mike Fisher came out to support her, which was nice.

I can’t find a designer ID on Miranda Lambert’s dress, but that’s ok as it’s unremarkable anyway. It looks very “Junior Prom” with the sweetheart neckline, flouncy skirt with fan pattern at the hem, and ribbon waistline. Coupled with the sequin gladiator shoes, it’s just a bad look overall. Miranda’s hair and makeup are very pretty, though. I love her wavy side pony. Miranda won best female video, for “Over You.”

Jordin Sparks was in a salmon color Kevan Hall chiffon gown. It’s a very feminine, pretty dress, but the color is a little too Pepto Bismol for my taste. I love her styling and the way she’s matched her lip color to the hue of the dress. She looks gorgeous.

Video is below
Last night’s Billboard Awards paid tribute to the late Whitney Houston with performances of her hits by John Legend and Jordin Sparks. Legend did a soulful, if somewhat shaky, version of “The Greatest Love of All” while Sparks belted out “I Will Always Love You.” (Video is below.) The camera panned to Whitney’s daughter, Bobbi Kristina, in the audience several times and she was understandably crying.

Whitney was posthumously awarded the Billboard Millennium Award, which Bobbi accepted on her behalf. She was accompanied on stage by her aunt, Whitney’s sister in law, Pat Houston. Bobbi was very well spoken and composed on stage. She did seem a little buzzed to me, but maybe she was just overwhelmed in the moment. She’s gone through so much these past three months. Here’s a little more, thanks to Radar Online.

Whitney Houston’s daughter Bobbi Kristina made a rare public appearance Sunday night at the Billboard Music Awards in Las Vegas to take part in an emotional tribute to her late mother…

John Legend and Jordin Sparks, who plays Houston’s daughter in her final film, Sparkle, performed her hits, with Legend singing the Greatest Love of All, while Sparks amazed with her rendition of I Will Always Love You.

Following the moving memorials, the late singer’s sister-in-law Pat Houston and daughter Bobbi Kristina accepted the Billboard Millennium Award on Whitney’s behalf.

Pat said, “This is truly an honor. We thank you, Billboard; we thank you, Whoopi, Jordin; we love you, John. But tonight, the one person that should be accepting this award is the one person that Whitney loved most,” ushering in Bobbi Kristina.

Bobbi Kristina said she “just really want to say thank you to everyone who supported us through it all.

“Not just when it was good, but when it was bad too,” she said. “Thank you so much for showing that much love, ’cause she deserved it. There will never be another one, ever. I thank you so much.”

[From Radar Online]

I can’t imagine losing my mom when I was just 18. (Bobbi Kristina turned 19 in March.) My grandmother died when I was in my early 20s and I was devastated. It’s got to be even harder when your mom is famous and you’ve got to get dressed up, go out to an event and make a speech on her behalf. Krissi did an amazing job, though.

Bobbi Kristina’s boyfriend, 22 year-old Nick Gordon, was next to her in the audience. Like Krissi, he was wearing a pin with Whitney’s photo on it. Nick walked Krissi up on stage and gave her a kiss before she went on. It was sweet, and it made me worry less about the stories that he’s taking advantage of her. There was a lot of controversy when Krissi and Nick first got together, as Nick was raised by Whitney and Krissi used to consider him her “adopted brother.” The fact that he looks so supportive of her makes me think differently about their situation.

Here’s video of the tribute to Whitney. Kriss comes on at about 6:00.

Here’s a look at some of the fashion at last night’s Billboard Awards, with varying degrees of fug. The clear worst of this lot, in my estimation, is Nelly Furtado. We don’t cover Nelly that often, but I remember seeing her in a lot of ugly dresses. Once in a while she gets it right.

Nelly was in Alberta Ferretti. Red Carpet Fashion Awards has a photo of this dress on the catwalk, and it actually can look pretty with simple, understated styling and minimal accessories. There’s so much going on with the dress in terms of lace panels and beading that it needs to stand on its own. Nelly is ruining it with that stacked necklace, nude pumps, giant sunburst earrings, and a black bra peeping out the top. Poor Nellie.

Jordin Sparks also went with a lace look last night in nude Diane von Furstenberg. She’s lost weight and her figure is incredible, but I feel that this dress is a little too tight and short. I would be worried about sitting down in that thing. It’s sexy though and I thought it was Dolce & Gabbana at first. I love her elegant strappy black heels with the little white circle around her toe. Jordin was with her boyfriend, singer Jason Derulo. They’re a cute couple!

Julie Bowen was in a Doo.ir flapper sack with a sequin stripe down the front. The dress makes this tiny, superfit woman look pregnant. Fashion Patrol has a photo of this same gown on a little model, and it has the same effect on a woman with a prepubescent figure. I know when I’m shopping online that I must absolutely avoid any outfit that doesn’t flatter women smaller than I am. Bowen should have judged this dress by how it falls on the body, not how cool it is. I have to admit that it’s a cool looking dress just on its own. I could see how it would look great on a hanger. I’ll say something nice: her hair and makeup look perfect to me. Bowen and her “Modern Family” co-star Ty Burrell hosted the show.

Photo credit: Fame Flynet

Former American Idol Jordin Sparks has come under fire in the past for her weight. Back in 2007, when Sparks won Idol, an obesity expert called Sparks overweight and was widely chastised for it. A spokeswoman for the National Action Against Obesity, MeMe Roth, said at the time that “When I look at Jordin I see diabetes, I see heart disease, I see high cholesterol. That’s what’s so sad about this – she is not the vision of health – she is the vision of ‘unhealth.’” Jordin was barely overweight back then and those remarks seemed uncalled for. That Roth woman defended her comments later by pointing out that Sparks said she loved her body on one hand but was advising girls on how to dress slim on the other. It was pretty bitchy, but I guess it takes one to know one.

Well Jordin has lost 30 pounds recently with the help of a personal trainer, and she showed her new body off with a picture she took in the mirror of herself wearing a bikini and making a duck face. She looks amazing and I’m happy for her, but why did she have to go all MySpace and take a self portrait in the mirror? I guess this is a more honest route than staging a bikini vacation and inviting the paparazzi. (This photo came out yesterday but we’re coming out of a haze after so many celebrities showed up to the Met Gala. Kaiser was telling me that it was better than the Oscars.) Here’s more on Jordin’s weight loss:

The singer, 21, showed off her trim physique in a playful bikini photo on Twitter on Sunday.

Of her weight loss, the season 6 American Idol winner tells PEOPLE: “It was just a shift in my thinking. Instead of talking about being more active, I just got up and did it.”

“There’s no secret,” she adds. “Anybody can do it.”

Describing her polka dot orange and blue two-piece, she posted online, “I don’t know why but my bathing suit reminds me of fruity pebbles.”

Want to get her look? The savvy shopper shares that her “top is from Target & bottoms from Old Navy!”

But her slender look isn’t keeping Sparks from indulging in sweets every now and then. “Love that I can now bake my coconut rum raisin cupcakes because I can legally buy the rum! Ha!” she Tweets.

[From People]

She looks great and she probably feels deservedly proud and everything, but ladies – do not make the duck face in photos! There’s no excuse for it, no matter how hot you look.

I was looking to see what other stories we’ve covered on Jordin, and she used to wear a purity ring, explaining “not everybody – guy or girl – wants to be a slut.” It’s been three years since then.

Jordin on 2/11/11

On 3/19/11

4/12/11

photo credit: WENN and Fame

After MTV VMA host Russell Brand poked fun at the Jonas Brothers for their purity rings, American Idol winner and VMA nominee Jordin Sparks, who apparently also wears one of these rings, defended them. Brand pointed out that the three brothers could probably have sex with any woman they wanted right now, but choose not to. He also joked that his goal was to have sex with all three of them by the end of the night. Jordin didn’t think that was funny.

Before presenting an award with John Legend, she said: “I just have one thing to say about promise rings. It’s not bad to wear a promise ring. Because not everybody – guy or girl – wants to be a slut.”

[From D-listed]

I didn’t think anything Russell Brand said was funny – but he wasn’t offensive, either. I think it’s silly that so many of these young stars tout their virginity in the first place. It’s not really anyone’s business, and half the time it turns out to be a joke anyway. Remember Britney’s virginity pledge? And does anyone really believe that Miley Cyrus is a virgin? Please. Still, it’s cool that young people like Jordin are choosing not to sleep around and act like total hobags, like Paris and Lindsay have done. But when you go on record claiming that you’re a virgin and wear special rings, you’d better be willing to walk the talk or you look like a joke. Right, Bristol Palin?

Picture note by Celebitchy: Here are Jordin Sparks and The Jonas Brothers at the VMAs last night. Credit: Juan Rico/Fame Pictures. I also included a screenshot from purityrings.com, which I just found by a search, because I was interested in seeing what the rings look like.