Here we have Kate Beckinsale in tiered asymettric Alberta Ferretti, looking like she’s going to the Golden Globes. As I mentioned earlier, a few of the designers said last night that “pink is the color of punk.” No it isn’t. They may have tried to reinvent punk as some Avril Lavigne pink skull teenage angst, but that’s not true to the movement. This is in homage to nothing except Hollywood, although Kate looks flawless and somewhat too “done” as usual. I do like her earrings but they’re contemporary, not punk.

Elizabeth Banks mixed it up in a Atelier Versace gold chainmail jacket dress with studds. In the late 80s I used to hit up the Salvation Army for men’s jackets, which I would wear with dresses, t-shirts and jeans, and always with combat boots. This dress reminds me of that jacket trend. It’s kind of cool.

Dakota and Elle Fanning were cute sisters in Rodarte. I didn’t realize how much taller Elle, 15, was than her sister Dakota, 19, until I saw them on the red carpet interviewed together. They were super cute and giggly and Elle admitted she’s more adventurous with fashion than her sister. This dress with sequin angel wings on the back was very true to the theme and looked great on Dakota. Elle’s dress was more 60s hippie with the tie dye, but I like that she went experimental and that she’s covered up.

Hailee Steinfeld was styled so differently that I didn’t recognize her at first! She was in Donna Karan Atelier, and she was there with Teen Vogue editor Andrew Bevan. (not shown.) The dress isn’t that “punk,” but its whimsical and her hair and makeup make up for it.

Finally Julianne Moore was a big miss in this navy blue Balenciaga sack gown. I get the impression that Julianne is such a compliant person that she lets designers do whatever they want she doesn’t push back at all. This was a snooze and did not flatter her.

photo credit: WENN.com

Kaiser and I were on phone yesterday trying to coordinate Oscar party coverage after we realized that one of our photo agencies had released their Vanity Fair party pics in stages, and we’d missed the second wave. We were so tired we decided to cover these people today, hence these additional photos. One of the things we talked about was who bugged us the most at the Oscars. Kaiser was saying Zoe Saldana, because Zoe wore two dresses and seemed to be seeking attention, but I say Zoe pales in comparison to Olivia Munn here. At least Zoe was a presenter and had some kind of excuse.

Olivia, on the other hand, showed up for whatever reason looking like she was about to pop out of her Oscar Marchesa monstrosity (that dress is over here) with chest spillage that was approaching Brandi Glanville levels. When she changed up for the Vanity Fair party, and of course she changed, she wore this peach beaded Versace Atelier number that showed skin all over the place. I don’t know where to start with this dress, so I’ll let it speak for itself. You guys can probably come up with better adjectives than me, with “trashy” being at the top of my list.

In contrast we have Kate Beckinsale, who almost always wears ball gowns and overdoes it, but at least she’s not pulling back her hair, slapping on some cheap lipgloss, putting on her best wide-eyed “oh me?” look and showing us her goods. Ok I got that out of my system, thanks! Getting back to Kate, she’s so lovely and we know what we’re getting with her. She wasn’t at the Oscars this year but she came to the Vanity Fair Oscar party and classed up the joint. She was in a strapless black Monique Lhuillier gown with gold details. I like the geometric design on her gown but find the skirt a little too much. It’s the Oscars Vanity Fair party, it’s appropriate.

I’ll be damned, is Hillary Swank wearing the same red dress that Sally Field wore to the Oscars?! It’s also by the same designer, Valentino, and Hilary’s dress is sheer while Sally’s was much more opaque. The draping around the bodice and arms is very similar, as is the way the skirt falls into a long train. (Although Sally’s dress was more ruffled.) I’m not a fan of that sheer skirt over a mini combo and think that Sally’s dress worked better.

Valentino is the designer whom Anne Hathaway is chummy with, headed by the oompa loompa dude, and Anne ditched her Valentino Oscar gown at the last minute for that nipply Prada. Here we have two actresses at Oscar events in strikingly similar dresses from the same fashion house. I’m not an insider by any means, but this shouldn’t happen should it? As it turns out, Anne rejected that Valentino for being to similar to another gown, Amanda Seyfried’s Alexander McQueen. (Kaiser talked about that here.) So Valentino royally screwed up this awards season.

Again, Sally Field’s dress. It’s too close for comfort for me. I would be pissed if I was either of these women.

photo credit: WENN.com

CB and I were just debating Jessica Biel’s hair, and why Biel seems incapable of finding a decent hairstyle. These new photos – from yesterday’s Dublin premiere of Total Recall – are a great example of Jessica’s lack of self-awareness about her styling. CB thinks the problem could be that Jessica simply has an awful hair stylist whom Biel trusts completely for whatever reason, thus bangs trauma and this raggedy mess. My take: Jessica is so convinced of her own beauty, so overconfident in her ability to pull off extremely versatile looks, that it simply doesn’t occur to her that she should just stick with a simple chignon.

Anyway… obviously, I think Biel looks pretty rough here. I even dislike her Zac Posen dress on the red carpet, although Biel did change for the afterparty (into the lacy Dolce & Gabbana cocktail dress in rose-beige). The Posen dress just doesn’t suit her – maybe I would like it more on someone else, I guess. As for Biel’s costars… Kate Beckinsale wore a Donna Karan gown in hot pink. It’s a pretty gown. I’m not sure it’s right for a Dublin premiere, but whatever. And Colin wore a D&G suit. He looks meh to me these days.

Ugh. I still cannot even fathom why an attractive girl would consistently allow herself to be styled so poorly. What is Jessica thinking? Is she getting bad advice? Or is it a matter of insane overconfidence?

Photos courtesy of WENN.

I think I’ve finally figured out why Colin Farrell is no longer making me hot these days. It’s because throughout Colin’s promotional work for Total Recall, he’s just looked so awkward and uncomfortable. Almost like he’s embarrassed to be promoting the film. Which might be the case – Total Recall is a bomb. They’re hoping it makes a lot of money overseas, but it’s still going to be a bomb, most likely. And that is why Colin isn’t hot lately… he’s being forced to promote this POS movie, and he’s embarrassed. And that’s not hot.

Anyway, these are photos from yesterday’s Berlin premiere. I covered the Berlin photo call pics yesterday – in which Jessica Biel looked pretty good, mostly because she figured out a way to push back her hideous bangs. It’s a shame she couldn’t do the same hairstyle for the premiere, right? Jessica’s dress is Elie Saab… it’s nice. It flatters her figure. I wouldn’t mind seeing this dress on the red carpet for an awards show. It feels like overkill for the Berlin premiere, right? Still… not bad. A little boring. Kate Beckinsale (queen of the over-dressers) wore white Naeem Khan. Once again, another overkill gown… but again, I don’t really hate it. I love sleeves on a gown, and I like the design. It seems like a weird choice for a premiere in the middle of August, but… sure. Is Kate giving anyone else Rita Wilson vibes here? No disrespect – I love Rita Wilson. But Kate is really reminding me of Rita here.

Even though I enjoy having new photos of Beckinsale & Biel, I’m kind of over this publicity tour. They seem over it too, right?

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Good lord, I’ve never found all of these actors less attractive. That’s the problem with this Total Recall remake – Colin Farrell simply doesn’t have chemistry with Kate Beckinsale or Jessica Biel, and the women don’t have chemistry with each other, and Jessica looks like a wax figure (and she has the personality of a wax figure), and Kate looks like she sauntered out of an old-timey saloon/brothel. They all seem like they were in Berlin to promote completely separate projects, and they just chanced upon each other for a photo shoot. The only thing Kate and Jessica coordinated was footwear – and I really believe that was an accident.

I can’t find the designer IDs on these dresses right now, so let’s just analyze the looks. Is it weird that I hate Kate’s more? Kate’s dress is somewhat flattering, and God knows I love a jewel tone… but the whole ensemble just looks so cheap to me. It’s just a knee-jerk reaction: I dislike it, and I can’t really explain why. As for Biel’s two-piece, a cropped belly shirt and a tiered skirt… it would have looked better as a one-piece. And the skirt is too high to actually make it look sexy or anything. It just looks weird. But I will Jessica extra credit for doing something with her bangs (which Timberlake hates) and going back to a flattering hairstyle. But why does she looks like a robot?!

Last thing: why am I completely “over” Colin Farrell at this point? His haircut really isn’t that awful, he’s in shape, and his jeans look great on him… but I still feel nothing. Is it just a situation where my “Hot Irishman” love/lust has been fulfilled by another? Shouldn’t I have room in my heart (and loins) for both Fassbender and Farrell?!

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet.

Here are some photos from last night’s LA premiere of Total Recall. The ads keep playing during the Olympics and I just think, “Eh.” It’s not that it looks actively bad or anything – I think I would actually enjoy seeing Kate Beckinsale in her role in particular. But I just don’t get why they remade the original when the original is… actually really good. Like, the original Total Recall is one of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s best films, in my opinion. I guess we’re supposed to be jazzed that a “proper actor” like Colin Farrell is in the lead, but from the trailer, it doesn’t even seem like Colin was jazzed with the remake either. Anyway… back to the photos…

Jessica Biel wore this pink Christian Dior. With pockets! And lots of gaudy jewelry. And she fixed her hair a little bit. Look at that… no more bangs trauma! I have to wonder… Biel recently said that she and Justin haven’t set a wedding date yet, and I kind of think Jessica won’t get married until her unfortunate bangs are completely grown out. So, I do like the “side-swept” whatever you want to call it. And her hair looks healthy, and her makeup job looks pretty. Basically, everything from the neck up looks fine. As for the Dior… it’s cute. It’s sweet. The pockets are too oversized, and the cut of the dress is not flattering on Biel’s body. And there’s too much jewelry – I think Biel should have gone without the necklace. Overall, it seems like a “prom” look. And I wonder if Justin styled her.

Kate Beckinsale wore this hideous Armani Prive. Kate loves a long gown for any occasion (it’s her “thing”), but THIS gown? It’s awful. And it’s all about that terrible, cheap-looking print.

Colin Farrell and his sister Claudine. Claudine is pretty, but that’s an awful dress and those are cheap-looking shoes. Colin looks meh. My biscuits are all, “Blah.”

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Honestly, I’ve always thought Jessica Biel is an attractive girl. I never thought she was mind-numbingly gorgeous, and I especially didn’t understand how Biel could get away with claiming that she’s “too pretty” to get the kinds of roles she wants, but you know, she is attractive. But the more attention I give her, the more I’ve noticed something weird: Biel is extremely self-defeating when it comes to her beauty. It’s not just bad choices when it comes to fashion – although that’s pretty awful. It’s her overall style, the choices that she makes with hair, makeup and her general presentment to the public.

These photos from LA photo call for Total Recall are a great case in point. Granted, Biel now has those terrible bangs that are not doing her any favors. But she could still work with the bangs and put together a relatively cute look. Instead, it feels like she just gave up. I mean… a completely beige Oscar de la Renta dress that A) doesn’t do much for her figure and B) is one of her worst colors? Don’t get me wrong – it’s a lovely little dress. Biel just makes it look like a grungy dishrag. And then the hair overall – the choppy bangs with the bad ombre hair AND it looks scraggily and sort of unwashed? And putting red lipstick on top of all of that is just… bad. She COULD look so much better than this. She just chooses not to. Or Justin Timberlake doesn’t know how to style his fiancée, I guess.

Kate Beckinsale looks pretty though – Kate knows how to pull an outfit together, she knows what looks good on her, and she usually errs on the side of looking “too done” and “too pulled together”. Which, as we can see, is definitely better than the “Biel Method” of “trying too hard to look like this mess happened naturally.” Colin Farrell looks… tired. I don’t know what’s going on with him right now, but he just isn’t giving me biscuit-fever these days. And Bryan Cranston looks great!!

Photos courtesy of WENN.

I’ve never really cared about Kate Beckinsale either way – she’s pretty, she’s moderately talented, and I always found her kind of boring. Her “image” as an actress isn’t all that exciting, but I do have to give her some credit – she’s a great interview. She’s smart and talkative and blunt and she is, dare I say, a feminist. Anyway, Kate covers the new issue of Allure Magazine to promote her part in Total Recall. The photos are AWFUL – she’s much too pretty to be styled like this. However, the interview is kind of awesome – some highlights:

She embarrasses her daughter: “I haven’t been embarrassing [to somebody] before,” the Total Recall star tells Allure magazine’s August issue (available everywhere July 24) about 13-year-old Lily (with ex Michael Sheen). “I can’t dance at a party where there are teenagers without [them] clearing the dance floor. Those are the things that make me go, ‘F—, I’m old’ . . . you’re a parent [and] everyone leaves.”

On aging: “What is it about a woman being in her late 30s that brings out the ‘Oh my gosh, are you worried?’ questions? Worried? What about? 38, 39, 40, 50! Great! Still alive!” What’s more, it’s not like she’s “experienced a full facial collapse, I haven’t suddenly gained 20 pounds that won’t go away, or [grown] a beard,” she shares, admitting the years have been kind to her so far. “That probably will happen, but it hasn’t yet.”

She didn’t feel pretty until she was 29: “I didn’t feel very attractive as a child, and actually I wasn’t. Feeling attractive didn’t come until I was 29 and with [my husband] Len [Wiseman]. At that time it was partly perceived as if I’d gone all Hollywood, but it wasn’t like that at all. It was just okay for me to walk around and feel feminine and attractive. I like feeling liberated like this. Maybe it has to do with not having had a dad. I’d never experienced a father saying, ‘Oh, you look good.’ If you have a good relationship with your dad, you have a chaperone in your own mind. I love my stepfather, but it’s different with a stepfather. I probably waited until I had that feeling with somebody who was so madly attracted to me that I could sort of relax and aim it at him. And then it kind of exploded, and all of a sudden I was the sexiest woman alive.”

Being the Sexiest Woman Alive: “I think the risk of being the sexiest woman alive is that you don’t want to ever have sex again. You don’t want to wear a bikini again. You want to wear some nice overalls and a trucker’s hat,” says the actress, who was named Sexiest Woman Alive by Esquire in 2009. “Anyway, you’re only that for a year, and then you’re done. You’re old news. I don’t know who it is right now, but it’s not me.”

Her father passing away: “It’s a real shame for anyone who comes face-to-face with mortality that young. It just shouldn’t happen. You should be in that sense of suspended disbelief for a little bit longer than five,” she says. “A five-year-old probably shouldn’t be thinking about [death] very much. You learn about it from fairy tales and myths, and then somebody’s fish dies, and then way down the line somebody’s grandparent or great-grandparent. But it shouldn’t happen before you’ve really even considered mortality.”

She never saw herself as an action hero: “It’s an odd trajectory, I’ll give you that,” she says. “If you’d asked me when I was at Oxford, ‘Do you think you’ll ever be running up and down holding a machine gun as a bad guy in a big American movie?’ I would have said, ‘God, no!’”

A funny Bruce Willis story: “I remember Len talking to Bruce Willis when Len did Live Free or Die Hard, and I think Bruce did some terrifying things when his daughter started having a boyfriend. Len and I asked him, ‘When Lily [Beckinsale's daughter] starts having boyfriends, will you come over, too? We’ll all stand on the doorstep, scare the sh-t out of them.’ But maybe now I don’t need Bruce. Now that I’m a villain, I can go solo.”

Her daughter has shaped her career: “Well, I haven’t done an awful lot of nude scenes. And I’ve been somebody who has had a child for a very long time. Most of my peers don’t have a 13-year-old. And it’s embarrassing. My daughter said to me, ‘You know, I’d really love it if you never said the word “vagina” in an interview again.’ Whoops. I’ve just done it.”

What she wants to teach her daughter: “There are things I don’t want my daughter to ever know. I don’t want her to know about being betrayed. I hope that I’ve given her a really great model to know when things are authentic and when they’re not, and people that you should trust. I hope she knows what it feels like to be truly loved so that she doesn’t waste her time when she’s not.”

[From Us Weekly and Allure]

Kate seems like she’s got it figured out, relatively speaking. She’s got a husband she adores, she raising her daughter with a strong sense of right and wrong, and she’s got a career niche (sexy parts in action movies) that she excels in. I should be nicer to Beckinsale – she’s not bad.

Photos courtesy of Allure.

If you couldn’t tell from the Twilight photos last week, Comic-Con is happening. You can smell the geeks and nerds from here, can’t you? Well, I have to say… this year’s Comic-Con seems kind of uneventful. People are showing up to support their shows and movies, of course, but there’s not a lot of news or excitement about any particular project or any particular trailer or anything. Maybe I’m wrong, but everything just seems kind of meh. So here are about a dozen “highlight” photos from Comic-Con over the past three days. I’m starting with Jessica Biel and Kate Beckinsale promoting Total Recall – why isn’t Colin Farrell there? Because he’s already making appearances to promote the film overseas? Is it just me, or is the publicity for Total Recall really weird and low-key? It’s like the studio barely wants anyone to know the film is coming out. Anyway, Kate looks really skinny and Jessica looks like she’s trying too hard to become nerd-bait.

Joseph Gordon Levitt and Emily Blunt promoting Looper. I swear, Emily has been tweaked.

Lea Michele promoting Glee. Why is Glee at Comic-Con?!

Mark Hamill has gained some weight. It happens.

Christoph Waltz was there to promote Django Unchained, which was probably the biggest highlight of Comic-Con thus far. Jamie Foxx was there too. Both men have questionable facial hair, although I kind of dig Jamie’s.

Kerry Washington, also for Django Unchained. I don’t like her outfit.

I’m sorry, Ian Somerhalder fans, but I don’t “get” why this guy is sexy. As best, he looks like a cheeseball. At worst, he looks predatory and gross.

I cannot even describe how much I loathe Ginnifer Goodwin’s hair. Jennifer Morrison looks okay here, but meh overall.

Robert Downey Jr.!!!! So hot.

Jonny Lee Miller promoting CBS’s Elementary, which is the American version of the BBC’s Sherlock, starring Benedict Cumberbatch. Elementary will feature Sherlock being a crime-solver in NYC with Lucy Liu as “Watson”. You know I love JLM, but I hope this sh-t bombs.

Photos courtesy of WENN, Fame/Flynet.

The three stars of Total Recall are featured on the cover of the August issue of Maxim. Colin Farrell seems… bewildered? Yes. Me too, Colin. You know a movie isn’t going to be some towering pinnacle of feminism when the best part seems to be Kate Beckinsale, rocking cleavage and a space-age gun. So it is with the Total Recall remake. I’ll probably see it (as a rental, or at the dollar movie), but I’m not happy about having to make the choice between A) Thinking Jessica Biel even has the acting chops to pull off a sympathetic, 2-dimensonal character like Melina and B) Thinking Kate Beckinsale has the requisite bad-assery to pull off the mega-bitch character Lori. If I’m forced to choose, I choose Kate being a mega-bitch. Because Biel is simply awful. Here’s the latest trailer:

The special effects look pretty cool. But Colin really needs to stop sleepwalking through these remakes and stuff. Remember when everyone hoped he would become the next great dramatic actor? Anyway, Kate also appears on the new issue of Glamour UK. Some highlights from the interview:

On how losing her dad at an early age has helped her views on growing older: “I love ‘pretty’ as much as anybody, but if that’s all there is as a culture, we’re screwed. I think you have to be as objective about that as possible and say, ‘There is nothing that serves my soul in wondering how crow’s feet are going to affect my life.’ It’s something to be resisted. Ageing is going to happen and it should. My father died at 31, so to me ageing is extremely preferable to the alternative, which is not ageing. Every year I get past 31, I think, ‘Thank God.’ It’s a gift to be able to go, ‘I look different, that means I’m not dead!’”

On her thoughts on having another child: “There’s absolutely part of me that goes, ‘I’d love to have a baby in the relationship I’m in, and have that experience when the relationship’s really good and exclusive,’ but I’m just not sure. At some point the decision will be made for me, when my ovaries dry up and die. We’ll see. There’s nothing that makes me go, ‘And now I must have triplets!’”

Kate on beauty: ‘I feel like beauty is a gift that you have for a while, and you enjoy the hell out of it while you have it. And if you’re lucky enough to have a daughter and you give it to her, you enjoy the fact she has it. My mother was always very, very beautiful – she still is, in her sixties. I’m sure she feels, “Wouldn’t it be nice if my neck did this?” but not to the degree of cutting parts of herself odd and dragging them behind her ears. I feel very similar. I much prefer how my mother looks to the people I see here [in Los Angeles] with wind-tunnel face.’

On not losing weight after giving birth to her daughter: ‘There’s an obsessional hatred of normal human processes. Pregnancy changes a woman’s body and it should. It isn’t normal to not look like you’ve had a baby immediately after you’ve had a baby. I was gigantic after I had Lily – I put on a good 3 ½ stone, and it didn’t go ‘til I stopped breast feeding… I was lucky that Britain wasn’t so paparazzi-orientated [then]. I was allowed to get on with it and enjoy my baby – and figure out what being a mother was all about instead of worrying about [fitting into] my f**king jeans.’

[Via The Mail & Celeb Gossip]

I love what she says about NOT losing weight after her pregnancy. Kate actually does seem to be reasonable and rather awesome about what kind of image and life lessons she’s giving to her daughter – and Lily is 13 years old, and probably at that age when she’s looking for signs of hypocrisy in her parents.

Now… all of that being said, I think Kate looks kind of tweaked in these Glamour photos. Maybe it’s just Photoshop, though.

Photos courtesy of Glamour UK, Maxim.