A few days before Christmas, St. James Palace announced the stunning news: Duchess Kate and Prince William would not be spending Christmas with the royal family at Sandringham. This is a BIG deal. If you are a member of the royal family (whether by birth or marriage), you always, always go to Sandringham for Christmas. It is a given. If you have commoner relations, you cannot spend Christmas with them. You are too busy doing ten costume changes at Sandringham with the Queen, who keeps the holidays going on a very strict time-table of events.

So how did Kate and William manage to break the royal pattern? Well, Kate is pregnant and super-barfy, and there were some concerns that A) she shouldn’t even leave London, lest she need emergency care and B) that a woman in her condition really shouldn’t have to adhere to the Queen’s schedule, lest Kate need to spend Christmas with her head in the toilet. The Queen seemed understanding of those concerns, even extending an invitation to Sandringham to Carole and Michael Middleton (but not Kate’s siblings, James and Pippa). But… at the end of the day, William and Kate chose a low-key Middleton Christmas. SHOCKING!

There’s even a photo of Kate and William attending church in Englefield, Berkshire, which is close to the Middleton home. You can see the photo here. That photo is controversial, by the way. Apparently, the palace issued a request to all of the royal correspondents that Will & Kate’s Christmas plans were “private” – but then Reuters and other agencies sent people to Berkshire anyway. Here’s an editorial note from The Mail:

Last week, the Palace sent a note to hand-picked Royal correspondents saying the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge wished to spend Christmas privately with the Middleton family, and there would be no photo opportunities with the media.

Duly, the newspapers involved did not send photographers to Bucklebury, where the Royal couple are staying.

However, because some reputable news outlets – including Reuters – did not know of the request, they did send their staff to the village.

And, yesterday, they took pictures of Kate and William as they attended a church service with dozens of members of the public (all of whom could themselves have captured an image of what was a wonderful event).

Police had cleared a space for the Press to stand and even moved away some vehicles to give photographers clear sight of the church.

Yet, last night, the Palace insisted this very public event should remain private, and that none of the pictures be printed – a request we have reluctantly agreed to.

The Mail, of course, wishes the couple a happy and relaxing Christmas.

But we also hope the Palace understands the frustration it has caused by adopting such a baffling and illogical position.

[From The Mail]

I know it’s super-American of me, but this bitchy editorial note made me laugh. The UK tabloids are bending over backwards to do whatever Will and Kate demand, only the tabs get c—kblocked by more legit news outlets, outlets that the Palace would never publicly berate. Who’s running Will & Kate’s press office these days? Because they’re doing an awful job.

Meanwhile, Prince Harry celebrated Christmas at Camp Bastion in Afghanistan. Well wishes to all of the servicemen and servicewomen serving abroad!

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Poor, tired, barfy Duchess Kate is so tired and barfy. She’s so tired and barfy that she needs her mom around her all of the time, to the point where Carole Middleton has pretty much moved into Kensington Palace to take care of Kate. But Kate is not too tired and barfy to show up at sports events and receive standing ovations, or to sip soda at a Christmas lunch for her 27 staffers. So… at this point, Duchess Kate’s morning sickness is a mixed bag. So barfy, so tired, so sympathetic! So Kate’s grandmother-in-law (also known as THE QUEEN) is taking the unprecedented move of inviting Kate’s parents to Sandringham for the holidays. WHAT THE WHAT?

Talk about an offer you can’t refuse! In an unprecedented move, Queen Elizabeth II has extended an invitation to Kate Middleton’s parents, Carole and Michael Middleton, to be the first-ever non-royals to join her family’s annual Christmas gathering at the Sandringham Estate. The bid breaks with decades of tradition, since the celebration until now has been an exclusively royal affair.

As the new issue of Us Weekly reveals, Her Royal Highness hopes that the generous overture will encourage Prince William’s pregnant wife to partake in the festivities “despite this difficult time.”

The “difficult time,” of course, refers to Middleton’s struggles with hyperemesis gravidarum, an acute form of morning sickness. The Duchess, 30, was hospitalized with the condition earlier this month and has since been forced to bow out of several planned engagements as she recovers at home.

That said, the royal mom-to-be has been feeling increasingly healthier in recent days. On Dec. 16, she attended the BBC Sports Personality of the Year Awards — her first official public appearance since announcing her pregnancy — where she told former soccer player Gary Lineker she was feeling “very well.” Two days later, she and her husband, also 30, hosted a low-key holiday lunch for 27 members of their staff at the Bumpkin restaurant in London’s Notting Hill neighborhood.

Still, insiders tell Us that the Duchess is taking her schedule day by day and won’t finalize Christmas plans “until the night before or the morning of. It depends [on] how she feels,” an aide says. “And if Catherine doesn’t go, William probably won’t either.”

[From Us Weekly]

Kate certainly worked this to her advantage! Although I do think it’s funny that the Queen was very specific about which Middletons got an invitation – the Queen could have said, “Sure, Kate, it’s no problem if you invite your FAMILY.” The Queen was specific – she can only invite her parents, not her siblings. Pippa’s ass of lies is not welcome in the Queen’s residence. Once was enough (Buckingham Palace, the wedding). I do think it would be interesting if – despite the Queen’s offer to include her parents – Kate still decided that she would rather spend the holidays with her whole family in Berkshire. It would be great because… I bet she really does want to be there and not at some stuffy royal Christmas. And it would be great because the Queen really should change up her Christmas rules. I’m not saying that everybody’s extended family needs to get an invite, but the Queen should definitely make more allowances for married royals who want to also spend some of their holidays with their in-laws. The royal family: awkwardly balancing dueling holidays celebrations, just like us!

Photos courtesy of WENN.

You know what I dislike? I dislike when the Team Waity ladies get all defensive and start bad-mouthing The Daily Mail. The Mail has issues, for sure, for they’re always been dead-on about Duchess Kate, even back when she was Kate Middleton. I have long believed that Katie Nicholl (columnist for The Mail) is pretty much Kate’s de facto press officer, getting her information directly from Kate, Kate’s friends and the Middleton family. My point? Whatever the Mail says about Kate, I either A) wholeheartedly believe or B) wholeheartedly believe is Kate’s PR version which she wants the British public to buy hook, line and sinker. Which is why I took the Mail’s story a few weeks ago seriously – they ran an exhaustive story about Kate and William’s plans for the baby and how they’re only going to hire ONE part-time nanny and blah blah. And look, that information is slowly making its way into more legit media outlets! MAGIC. ROYAL MAGIC.

Royal Mary Poppins, reporting for duty? Not quite. When Kate Middleton and Prince William welcome their first child (or children, if it’s twins) next year, they will once again break with royal tradition. While British rulers have typically enlisted full-time teams to help with newborns, the Duke and Duchess, both 30, plan to handle the lion’s share of childrearing, sources tell Us Weekly.

Still, Kate plans on returning to her work as a volunteer for the Scouts and other charity organization — which means the royal couple will hire a part-time nanny. “They want to be as hands on as possible,” one insider says.

“Hands-on” also means that William and Kate will likely raise their child outside the palace walls. “They’re very outdoorsy,” one friend says. “I’m sure it will be the same with the kids — playing outside and going for walks.”

Before that very special childhood begins, however, the first-time mom-to-be needs to fully recuperate from a second bout of hyperemesis gravidarum (acute morning sickness) — and adjust to eating for two.

“Kate promised herself she would only eat healthy until the birth,” the source says, adding, “As soon as she can eat normally again, she’ll be avoiding processed foods.”

[From Us Weekly]

I don’t understand this new (royal) talking point that Kate was always gorging on processed foods before she got pregnant. Please. Those lips haven’t been on a hot dog or a corn chip in YEARS.

Speaking of food, William and Kate “hosted” a Christmas party lunch for their staff yesterday. Cough. 27 STAFFERS. Cough. Remember when Kate and Will’s 27 staffers were telling everybody that William and Kate barely had any staff and they did everything for themselves because they were so down-to-earth and just like you? Cough.

Lunch was on the Duke and Duchess! Prince William and Kate Middleton hosted 27 members of their staff on Tuesday Dec. 18 for a Christmas party and lunch at the Bumpkin restaurant in London’s Notting Hill neighborhood, a source confirms to Us Weekly.

Celebrating with members of the Household Cavalry, their press team, private secretaries and other staffers present, Kate and William, both 30, dined at a private room at the eatery — right beneath a portrait of Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II!

Clad in a floral blue and white dress with a dinner jacket, the pregnant Duchess “sipped soft drinks,” the source says, adding that her “health is improving” after dealing with acute morning sickness earlier this month.

And, as is usually the case with the spouses, the private bash wasn’t extravagant, with everyone eating from the price-fixe Christmas Turkey menu, which cost a humble 30 pounds, or approximately $48, a head.

It’s the second known outing in the past few days for the pregnant Duchess, who looked radiant and still quite slim in a green Alexander McQueen gown at the BBC Sports Personality of the Year ceremony Dec. 16 — telling former soccer player Gary Lineker that she’s feeling “very well.”

[From Us Weekly]

While I’m sincerely happy that Kate is feeling so much better (good enough to sip on some syrupy carbonated beverages, which probably count as “processed foods” right?), I do have a larger quibble. I know I’m going to get yelled at here, but I have to ask: was Morrissey right all along?!!? From what all of the medical professionals were saying about hyperemesis gravidarum, it’s devastating and you don’t just recover your strength, your appetite and your ability to not barf on people within a few weeks. Could it be that Kate just had plain old horrible commoner morning sickness and it’s mostly passed and her condition was overly-hyped to make her seem more sympathetic (and so she wouldn’t have to work)? No… they would never do that, right? Hahaha.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Just a few weeks into 2012, I got terribly sick. Like, sicker than I had been in a decade. I got that awful Norovirus and I was barfing for days. I couldn’t keep anything down, not even water. I could barely walk around or stand up straight. I had a fever, I had the chills, and I didn’t even have the energy to shower. I was a damn mess, basically. And my mom just didn’t get it. She was used to be me having colds and allergies during seasonal changes, but it was like she couldn’t even comprehend that I truly felt like I was dying. She told me to drive to her house and she (laughingly) offered to take care of me. I think I painfully moaned in response. At one point, a few days into what felt like my slow death, my mom was like, “I just don’t understand why you’re acting like this.” Well, then she got the Norovirus. And then she KNEW.

Anyway, I bring that up because the stories about Duchess Kate and her morning sickness have just reminded me of it. I really didn’t want to be around my mom when I was sick. I wanted to lay in bed, sleeping and moaning in pain. I want to barf in peace. But maybe that’s just me. I know a lot of people still like it when their mom takes care of them. Duchess Kate is one of those people. And according to Star Magazine, Carole Middleton is using Kate’s morning sickness as an excuse to basically move into a royal residence:

The Duchess of Cambridge smiled weakly but bravely as she left London’s King Edward VII hospital, with hubby Prince William by her side on Dec. 6. She had been hospitalized for three days, and unfortunately for Kate, her symptoms returned just a few days later. She was ordered to bed at her and William’s cottage home on the grounds of Kensington Palace – a home that will now have more than its usual share of contributors to the flurry of activity!

Star has learned that Kate’s parents, Carole and Michael, will “virtually be moving in,” says an insider, “to help their beloved daughter as she fights to get her health back.”

Kate’s family home in the village of Bucklebury is a mere 15 miles from Kensington.

“Carole was already planning on bucking royal protocol, which normally calls for an army of nurses and nannies, by being a totally hands-on grandmother when it comes to caring for her newborn grandchild-to-be,” the insider tells Star. “But Kate has seemed so fragile while dealing with her debilitating morning sickness, that the time was right for her mom – with dad Michael in support – to take the initiative earlier than expected and make the cottage their home away from home. They’d sleep on cots in the kitchen if it meant being on hand to do everything they could for Kate.”

[From Star Magazine, print edition]

Honest question from a childfree bitch: is there really that much to “do” when someone has morning sickness? Yes, you can help that person get cleaned up and I guess you can try to prepare some bland food for them to try to eat. But that doesn’t sound like an “all-day, all-night” proposition to me. I’m not trying to be mean about it – I’m sure Kate does want her mom there, and I’m sure Carole is a big comfort. But I also think there’s just a little bit of pushy opportunism motivating Carole as well. She thinks she’s royal too!

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet and WENN.

Here are some new photos of Prince William at last night’s premiere of The Hobbit. I’m pretty sure he’s wearing the exact same tuxedo that he wore to the charity benefit on Saturday night. And in case you’re wondering, Duchess Kate was not in attendance. The palace announced that she was pulling out of the appearance a day before, because she was still battling her morning sickness. And in case you’re wondering how the pro-royal press is playing all of this, it’s “Poor Kate is so sick and brave, and William is so brave and lonely.” I actually do think William probably misses Kate at these kinds of events. He had gotten used to doing these things with Kate, and he probably is a little lonely.

Flying solo! Prince William arrived dateless to the U.K. premiere of Peter Jackson’s The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey on Dec. 12, as pregnant wife Kate Middleton recovered at Nottingham Cottage from a second bout of extreme morning sickness.

Inside the event — which was in aid of the Cinema and Television Benevolent Fund to support industry employees during times of hardship — the prince chatted briefly with Blanchett about the Oscar-winning actress’ native Australia. He also told Odeon theater manager Tessa Street that his wife was sad to be missing the film.

“I passed on my best wishes to Kate, and he said, ‘She would have loved to have been here if she could,’” Street told reporters, noting that the Duke was “very friendly.”

In fact, the prince’s wife was supposed to attend the royal premiere with him but had to bow out at the last minute due to her hyperemesis gravidarum.

“The Duchess of Cambridge will not attend The Hobbit premiere tomorrow evening and will continue to rest privately,” a St. James’s Palace rep told Us Weekly on Dec. 11, one day before the event. However, “the Duke of Cambridge will attend as planned.”

Middleton’s presence on the green carpet was certainly missed, but she was there in spirit. Just before the screening started, Sir Ian McKellen sent his best wishes to the Duchess, and everyone in the audience — including William — applauded.

Just one night before the Duchess’ second bout of morning sickness, the prince went solo to the Winter Whites Gala, where he commented on his absent wife’s condition. “I don’t know why they call it morning sickness — they should call it all day and all night sickness,” he joked. “[Recovery is] a long old process but she is getting there. She feels like it is going to go on forever.”

[From Us Weekly]

So… okay. I’m trying to desensitize all of you so that in the coming weeks, months and years, you won’t be surprised when Kate barely makes any public appearances. I’m not a total Morrissey, but I really believe that we won’t be seeing her until Christmas (like, a visit to the church), and maybe not even then. I wonder how long it will be before William’s press secretary informs the public that he and Kate decided that her health would improve in a more tropical climate. Christmas vacation for Kate’s morning sickness? Oh, you know it’s coming.

But the royal press machine is still forcing the “Will and Kate are super-normal and common” stuff with this week’s cover story for Us Weekly. Much of it is stuff we already covered, like Kate only wants one part-time nanny/babysitter. There are a couple of new pieces of royal propaganda, though. A friend tells Us Weekly that Kate and Will are “very outdoorsy” and thus, their child will be as well. They also say Kate will be “firm but fair” (Mmhm), and most importantly, Kate will now be getting more security. Like, there will be a dedicated security guard for her bump.

Photos courtesy of WENN, Fame/Flynet.

Is it weird that I’ve never really felt that strongly about any of the players in the current psychodrama of “the prank call” and the nurse’s suicide? I think it’s horrible that the nurse committed suicide, of course, but I can’t even imagine that making a dumb decision at work would lead to someone’s suicide. As I said before, I think the DJs were in the wrong, but I also don’t believe they had murderous malice in their hearts – they were simply doing a “bit” for their radio show, and it was a dumb bit and they should feel bad about it. But I don’t believe they have this woman’s blood on their hands, you know? And the overreaction to the DJs by the media, by the royal family, by the professional scolds, and by the hospital didn’t help matters at all.

Anyway, noted curmudgeon, racist, anti-monarchist and a—hole Morrissey has some thoughts about the psychodrama and who should be blamed. Hint: he thinks it’s ALL on the royals.

British singer Morrissey is blaming Kate Middleton and the royal family for the death of nurse Jacintha Saldanha, who was tricked into helping reveal details about the pregnant Duchess of Cambridge by Australian DJs Mel Greig and Michael Christian. The radio personalities did so by impersonating Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Charles during a prank call.

(Saldanha, 46, was found dead Dec. 7 near London’s King Edward VII Hospital where Middleton, 30, had been treated for acute morning sickness. The nurse left a suicide note for her husband, Ben Barboza, and their two children, Junal, 17, and Lisha, 14.)

“It wasn’t because of two DJs in Australia that this woman took her own life — it was the pressure around her,” Morrissey, 53, told New Zealand’s 3News. The musician believes Middleton was in the hospital “for absolutely no reason” and said “she feels no shame about the death of this woman. She’s saying nothing about the death of this poor woman. The arrogance of the British royals is absolutely staggering.”

The royal couple have, however, issued a statement regarding the nurse’s passing. “Their Royal Highnesses were looked after so wonderfully well at all times by everybody at King Edward VII Hospital, and their thoughts and prayers are with Jacintha Saldanha’s family, friends and colleagues at this very sad time.”

In the new issue of Us Weekly (on stands Friday), a source reveals that Middleton was devastated by Saldanha’s suicide. “Kate’s heart went out to her family. Her first question was, ‘Does she have children?’”

Morrissey also questioned Middleton’s hyperemesis gravidarum diagnosis. “Does she have a health condition?” the singer asked. “Is it anorexia or is it pregnancy? I mean, morning sickness already? So much hoo haw and then suddenly as bright as a button as soon as this poor woman dies she’s out of hospital? It doesn’t ring true.”

(According to The National Organization for Rare Diseases, the percentage of pregnant women who suffer from hyperemesis gravidarum is estimated to be between .03 percent and 1 percent. The illness is characterized by severe nausea, vomiting, weight loss, dehydration, lightheadedness and fainting. It often requires hospitalization.)

Morrissey estimated that Buckingham Palace receives “thousands” of prank calls per day. Blaming DJs Greig and Christian, the former Smiths vocalist argued, “is just a way of distracting people.”

“The fact [the DJs] got so far probably astonished them beyond belief. But the pressure put on the woman who connected the callers was probably so enormous that she took her own life,” Morrissey reasoned. “And we forget about that and of course the royals are exonerated as always.”

The Sydney-based DJs have publicly apologized for their prank call, calling themselves “”shattered, gutted, heartbroken” over Saldanha’s suicide. The nurse’s family, meanwhile, has launched an inquiry into the circumstances surrounding her death.

[From Us Weekly]

Of course, Morrissey is a mangy conspiracy theorist and a racist and he has a long history of saying asinine things. But does that make him wrong in this one particular instance? While I think his overall theory is flawed (this is all just some huge conspiracy to make Kate look good, I guess), he makes a couple of decent points. Like, the royals were “exonerated” immediately. Of course, it would have been better if he pointed out that the media exonerated itself pretty quickly too, changing tactics midstream after the nurse’s suicide. Eh. Whatever.

Here are some photos of “the other duchess!” Pippa Middleton promoting her terrible book in the Netherlands yesterday. How f—king hideous is this satin dress? What is wrong with Pippa?! She has a cute figure, but she has such god-awful taste in clothes.

Photos courtesy of WENN.com.

Hey, remember when I said that we probably wouldn’t see Duchess Kate until Christmas church services and all of the Kate fan-girls were like “You suck, I hate you, Kate is scheduled to make a few appearances before then ROYAL WORK PROOF”? Yeah. Kate canceled another appearance. Why is this shocking? I truly believe she’s barfing her guts out, so of course she should be taking it easy and not going to any event where she could conceivably barf on Sir Ian McKellan. The problem isn’t with “Kate canceling appearances because she’s sick.” The problem is “Hahaha, what busy schedule? Why is this a thing? She’s never been a hard worker, EVER.”

Pregnant Kate Middleton is staying home to take care of her own “precious” in-the-making. Bearing with a second bout of acute morning sickness — a rare condition known as Hyperemesis Gravidarum — the royal mom-to-be has canceled a planned red carpet appearance at the London premiere of The Hobbit on Wednesday Dec. 12.

“The Duchess of Cambridge will not attend The Hobbit Premiere tomorrow evening and will continue to rest privately,” a St. James Palace rep tells Us Weekly. In her stead, however, “the Duke of Cambridge will attend as planned.”

Although the Duchess, 30, left King Edward VII hospital on Thursday after four days of treatment, she fell ill again over the weekend, and has been laying low at the Nottingham Cottage residence she and Prince William, 30, share at Kensington Palace.

“Until further notice, to allow the Duchess a degree of privacy during her pregnancy, we do not intend to offer regular condition checks or advise of routine developments,” the Palace told Us on Monday.

Keeping a commitment to attend a Dec. 8 Winter Whites Gala at London’s Royal Albert Hall, William commented on his wife’s struggles.

I don’t know why they call it morning sickness — they should call it all day and all night sickness,” the prince joked. “[Recovery is] a long old process but she is getting there. She feels like it is going to go on forever.”

[From Us Weekly]

Again, why does this surprise anyone? As soon as Kate’s team of staffers (and yes, again, she has a team of staffers) began canceling her appointments last week, I knew that it would be weeks – if not months – before Kate made another public appearance. It’s fine. Let her get her rest and everyone will be fine. It’s just Kate’s defenders that piss me off, because they struggle so hard to find something – anything – to praise her for, and it always falls flat. I’m also pissed off with the extra “they’re so normal and common!” PR that is being forced down our throats.

Anyway, Kate’s “friend” Jessica Hay is still talking to the press. You may remember that Hay “confirmed” Kate’s pregnancy two weeks ago, just a few days before Kate announced it herself. So Hay might actually be credible? Still, this seems like incredibly intimate information about Kate and William:

It took only a moment but it seemed like an eternity. When Kate Middleton took a home pregnancy test at her three-bedroom cottage in Wales, it was “the most nerve-wracking moment of her entire life,” one of her closest friends reveals in a new interview, RadarOnline.com is reporting.

Jessica Hay, who attended school with Kate and was first to reveal her friend’s pregnancy, says that Kate and Prince William were overjoyed but kept their celebration simple when the test came back positive. After receiving the great news, the couple simply enjoyed “a home-cooked shepherd’s pie and an early night,” Jessica, who attended the Royal wedding, told New Idea magazine.

William and Kate were planning to make their big announcement at Christmas but when the Duchess of Cambridge became seriously ill and was hospitalized, plans changed. Kate is suffering from hyperemesis gravidarum, a severe form of morning sickness. She was hospitalized and released.

“Katherine had been feeling on top of the world, putting on weight and feeling wonderful, but suddenly on Saturday morning she became very sick,” Hay said, adding that she spent most of the weekend in bed and on Monday her mother and William told her she needed to be examined.

Hay says the early pregnancy announcement actually has been a relief for the couple. “Neither of them likes keeping secrets this huge, because although it’s wonderful news Katherine’s already showing in her face and at the front, so they felt it was becoming like a military operation sneaking around,” she told the magazine.

“They’re relieved everyone know and they’re just focused on getting her health firm back on track.”

As for the speculation that Kate could be carrying twins, her pal reveals that the Duchess and William “would love twins…if it were a boy and a girl, it would be a dream come true for them both.”

And while the world waits to find out the sex of the babies, William and Kate also plan to wait.

“I have heard that they’ve told doctors they don’t want to know the sex,” Hay said. Another thing, that they do seem to agree on according to Hay, is if the baby is a girl they are strongly considering naming her Diana!

[From Radar]

Once again, TOLD YOU SO. I knew William would put Diana in the mix for his baby’s first name. And I’m sure the defenders will yell at me again for calling it creepy, but seriously, it’s creepy. It’s obvious that William loved his mother very much. But the “Diana” name has way, WAY too much baggage for William and Kate to give that name to their innocent baby. All of that child’s life, she’ll be compared (mostly unfavorably) to Diana. It’s just asking for psychological trouble. Save “Diana” for a middle name.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Duchess Kate’s morning sickness is back! She’s not back in the hospital (yet), but she’s so sick that William is now canceling his schedule so that he can stay at their Kensington Palace home and look after her. We already knew that Kate’s schedule was going to be very limited for the next few months (cough – YEARS), but it looks like William is going to be canceling appointments right and left too. Meanwhile, the Mail has a bunch of new stories about Will and Kate and what they’re going to be like as parents and how Kate managed to get knocked up at just the right time, etc. Some highlights:

*The Mail says Kate and William have decided to “break with royal tradition” and NOT employ a “full-time nanny”. They are said to be eager to “hands-on parents” although they will probably employ a “babysitter” or part-time help. A source says, “Catherine and William are determined to be hands-on parents. Her parents are very excited about the baby and will help out as much as possible. They will, probably, use a part-time nanny to help them out when they have to attend events and don’t have a babysitter, but they don’t want a full-time nanny.” I imagine this is going to be the same kind of deal as how they don’t have “any staff” helping them, except for all of the staff they employ but not technically because Charles is paying for them.

*Kate and William prepared for her pregnancy for months. Kate’s “last hurrah” was in June, when she was drinking champagne and dancing up a storm at a friend’s wedding. After that, Kate allegedly gave up alcohol and junk food – Kate has never been a “big drinker” (?) but apparently she loves pizza and sweets, and they were hard to give up. And if you believe that…

*Kate stopped going to the gym and stopped playing tennis, and focused on taking leisurely walks with the dog. According to the Mail, “She gave up her habit of smoking the occasional cigarette and stopped drinking coffee at the Starbucks she frequented near Kensington Palace, conveniently close to an expensive maternity-wear shop.” O RLY?!?! She was still smoking when those boob photos were taken in late August, just FYI.

*Kate and William also wanted to have their puppy Lupo for more than a year before giving birth so the dog wouldn’t see a baby as a “rival for attention.” That makes sense. Lupo is still going to get jelly though.

*Kate and William may skip Christmas as Sandringham so they can spend the holidays with Kate’s parents. A source says, “It is being discussed but has not yet been decided. Carole is keen for Kate to spend Christmas with the family. It will be their last Christmas at the family home before the Middletons move house.” Because Carole and Michael Middleton have bought (with their son-in-law’s help) a gigantic mansion. Anyway, the source goes on to say, “At home Kate will be able to relax and put her feet up. Christmas at Sandringham can be very busy and stressful with everyone arriving. There is always lots going on, big dinners and lots of outfit changes to contend with.”

*NO MORE LAVISH VACATIONS!! For now. Kate and William will not make their annual trip to Mustique, not will they make a ski trip to France. Because of Kate’s pregnancy. SOB.

*William’s tour of duty will either come to an end in February or August, depending on a lot of factors. Most people think that by February, William will be out. I say that it looks like he’s ALREADY out of the RAF, mostly because even the Mail says that William hasn’t accumulated enough on-the-job hours this year, what with all of the “royal work” (and by that I mean vacations). But! The RAF insists that William must give them six months’ notice, so even if he’s telling them now that he doesn’t want to stay, he could be there well into the spring or summer. I bet he finds a way to get around that, don’t you?

*Kate really wants to be in London, which is what I’ve always said: ‘They love Wales but William said that he and Kate will not be in Anglesey next spring… They are planning to move into KP in the summer and it is absolutely going to be their full-time home. Kate loves it there, she has the park and the shops. She is really excited about it. Princess Margaret’s apartment is the best in the palace and they are making it look fabulous. Kate really sees it as their family home. She will be pushing the pram in the gardens just like Diana used to do.’

*Kate is an interior decorator now, because an aide told the Mail “she is a keen interior designer and wants to be in charge of all the major decisions in redecorating the 21-room apartment… Kate loves design and she will take a hands-on approach to how she wants it to look.”

So, my take on this is basically that William and Kate are really, really prepared for the baby, at least as far as PR goes. They’ve been thinking up excuses for two years now, making plans and everything has been put into place. We’re now supposed to think that Kate and William are so, so normal and that they work so hard and they don’t even want to employ anyone to help because they’re just like you. Do you believe that?

Photos courtesy of WENN.

I get the feeling that these photos from Duchess Kate’s hospital exit yesterday will be the last photos we get of Kate for a few weeks. She’s going to be laying low at Kensington Palace for a while, and then maybe (probably) the Queen will demand Kate and William’s presence at Sandringham for Christmas, so we might get photos of Will and Kate on or around Christmas day going into some church services. So… there will be a dearth of new Kate photos, just prepare yourselves. Even when the new year comes, I don’t think we’ll be seeing much of her for a while. I don’t see Kate as the kind of girl (or the kind of royal woman) to be seen out in some clingy evening gown while she is with child. But you never know. Maybe Kate will miraculously feel better by February and she’ll be back to a full schedule. “Full schedule” = one event a week, maybe.

As I’ve said many, many times before, this pregnancy is the best thing to ever happen to Kate’s image in general, and specifically for all of the complainers (raises hand) who bitch about her lack of work and her lack of interest in anything beyond her hair and shopping. Because now all of those complainers will look like such big, mean trolls for yelling at poor, pukey Duchess Kate. As we should – I’m not going to yell at her now or for a while. Poor girl can barely stand up straight from the looks of things. Still, it’s funny to think that from here on out, Kate will never really have a “full schedule” in the traditional sense. First she’ll be pregnant, then she’ll want to focus on being a mom for several years, and then she’ll get pregnant again, and then, like, a decade from now people will be like, “Seriously, WTF does she do all day?”

What was the point of all that? Ah, yes. According to Life & Style, William is going to get Kate a really nice “push present”. He’s going to buy her a Scottish estate, a “holiday home that they can visit when they are not working.” Hahaha.

Kate Middleton’s getting an early push present from doting husband, Prince William: a new home! As their family expands, William plans for them to lay down new roots in Scotland — near the Queen’s Balmoral estate — to make room for baby.

“William has been looking into adding another house to their portfolio and he wants it to be a surprise to Kate,” an insider tells the new issue of Life & Style, on newsstands now. “He wants it to be a holiday home that they can visit when they are not working.”

And in typical Prince William style, the home won’t be an extravagant palace, the source details: “It will likely be something cottage style and cozy.”

Earlier today, Kate was released from King Edward VII Hospital after being treated for nearly four days with a case of Hyperemesis Gravidarum — a severe form of morning sickness.

“She left the hospital smiling and looking in good health,” an eyewitness tells Life & Style.

As Life & Style reports in this week’s issue, the royal couple are set to welcome their bundle of joy in July.

[From Life & Style]

It would make sense for William to buy a Scottish cottage or estate close to Balmoral so that they can have their own space while still visiting with the Queen (and Charles, when he becomes King and inherits Balmoral, which is still technically a private residence as opposed to a royal property). But Balmoral itself is HUGE and there are many “cottages” on its epic acreage. Surely the Queen would “give” William and Kate a cottage on her estate?

Photos courtesy of WENN, Fame/Flynet.

Aw. Duchess Kate was finally released from the hospital earlier today in London. Prince William came to pick her up, and she was able to walk out of the hospital on her own (if this was an American hospital, she probably would have been forced to sit in a wheelchair until she was outside of the hospital). She and William stopped outside of the hospital and let everyone get their photos and they even answered a few questions from the press. She told them, “I’m feeling much better, thank you.”

I could analyze their body language all day! Of course, I also saw the video of Kate’s hospital exit, so I’m judging these pics because I’ve also seen them in motion. My impression is that Kate is okay, but that she still feels weak and rather barfy. I actually felt a wave of sympathy for her – she looks like she hasn’t had much sleep and like her equilibrium is off. She made a point to use the railing to steady herself as she walked down the stairs, and William briefly put his arm around her, probably to steady her and probably just a nice show of concern. It would have been nice to see William be more physical with her, but there’s probably a reason why he wasn’t, like, clutching her. One, everyone wants to see for themselves that Kate is alright and that she can walk by herself. Two, I would imagine that William didn’t want to jostle her, lest she barf on him (again?).

The Palace announced that Kate will be staying at Kensington Palace for now so that she can get some sustained rest. The official statement: “The Duchess of Cambridge has been discharged from the King Edward VII Hospital and will now head to Kensington Palace for a period of rest. Their Royal Highnesses would like to thank the staff at the hospital for the care and treatment The Duchess has received.”

Meanwhile, TMZ reports that Kate and William are already being “showered” with baby gifts, mostly from baby-centric companies that want Kate and Will to use their products. Some the gifts include (per TMZ): kiddy learning programs from MyTalkingToddler.com; morning sickness relief from a company called One Step Ahead; and clothes and products from 2 high end L.A. baby boutiques including Bel Bambini (they sent Kate a $2,300 gift basket which included a new Bugaboo Cameleon 3 stroller worth $978, a $265 Fendi layette set, $275 Dior Booties and more.

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet and WENN.