Knut the polar bear was one of the cutest news stories this year. After being born at the Berlin zoo, he was rejected by his mother, and an animal rights activist almost suggested he be killed, before spawning a range of merchandise and rasing zoo attendence to record levels. He also has a journalist writing a blog about him, a few hit records recorded in his honor and a weekly TV show, not to mention a Vanity Fair cover. If only I was as cute as a polar bear.

Now Ash R. Shah is making a movie about the polar bear’s busy life, and who is a more obvious choice as the voice of the bear than Suri Cruise.

Shah hopes to use the voice of the 18-month-old in an animated movie version of Knut, the world-famous polar bear, after he offered a German zoo $5 million for the rights to the animal’s story.

Shah says, “With (Knut’s) friendly character, he’s serves as an ambassador for the Earth’s problems — climate change and the melting polar ice caps. A movie about Knut would affect people all over the world.

“Suri could speak the English voice of Knut.”

San Francisco Chronicle

Now, I don’t think director Ash has thought this through. While Suri is undoubtably a box office drawcard, she is also only 18 months old. She can’t learn the lines, nor can she read them, and she probably can’t pronounce all the words.

Still, it would be great publicity for the film, but I think the old adage of not working with children or animals applies here. Suri might be box office gold, but that’s yet to be proven. And have you ever tried to convince a toddler to do what they’re told? If you’ve succeeded, email me your secrets to their good behaviour. Also, I suspect her very business savvy parents would be negotiating a pretty good pay packet for their baby girl.

It pays very well to have famous parents!

Note by Celebitchy: I saw Knut recently and people still crowd around to take his picture, but he’s predictably not a cute little bear anymore. He’s nearly full grown. Here’s a photo of Knut taken on 10/31/07, found at Wikipedia and credited to photographer Aconcagua.

Also I know that’s an unflattering header image of Suri, but I was struck how she’s in the exact same pose as Knut with her hand up, being held by the waist with a bottle.

The Huffington Post had screenshots of the celebrity Christmas cards shown on “Live with Regis and Kelly” on Friday morning, and some are quite inventive and well designed.

Paul Reubens better known as Pee Wee Herman’s card shows the fallen kid’s star with his trademark raised eyebrows expression looking like he’s about to throw a snowball.

Courteney Cox and David Arquette’s card is bright pink on the outside with a big picture of their daughter Coco smiling and the words “Joy to the World.” The inside features a full page photo of Coco lounging on a Saint Bernard and says “And a peaceful New Year, love David, Courteney and Coco”

Tony Bennett’s card is of a winter scene the singer painted himself

Conan O’Brien’s Card has a close view of a cute cartoonish ornament of the talk show host hanging on a tree with other ornaments of the same style

Katie Holmes designed this simple bow-adorned Christmas card for the Cruise family. She was said to have had differently designed cards for friends, family and business associates and to have “kept her staff busy doing the shopping.” It sounds like she kept her staff busy making the cards too. (image and description from US Weekly)

Paris Hilton posed in what would look like a parody of herself if we didn’t know better. She wore a red wrap dress, posed in front of a cone-shaped tree with giant red velveteen bows, and clutched one of her chihuahuas, which was dressed in a little red Santa hoodie. (image found at CelebWarship)

Forbes has just released a list of the most powerful celebrity babies, based on media exposure of the last year. Which is a shame, as I was hoping it was based on super powers. Unfortunately, being the child of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt only gives you the beauty gene, not the ability to leap tall buildings in a single bound.

Hollywood’s Most Influential Babies

1. Shiloh Jolie-Pitt
2. Suri Cruise
3. Zahara Jolie-Pitt
4. Sean Preston Federline
5. Pax Jolie-Pitt
6. Sam Alexis Woods
7. David Banda Ritchie
8. Dannielynn Birkhead
9(tie). Romeo Beckham
9(tie). Cruz Beckham

Forbes

While Shiloh might have topped the list for media exposure, I’m guessing that in reality Suri is more influential. She’s got the whole cult of Scientology behind her! Head of photo agency World Entertainment News Network Jill Stempel also suggests that Suri is responsible for resuscitating Tom Cruise’s career post-couch jumping, making him more human.

Of course, in twenty years I fully expect these babies to be dating each other and getting arrested in awkward circumstances. As the Hollywood Brat Pack of 2027 I’m sure they’ll all continue to command a big media presence, but I’m not sure whether any of them will be independently successful as someone more famous than their parents. Particularly if Britney drops poor little Sean Preston on his head again. Then again, some people might have suggested that Angelina Jolie wouldn’t ever be more successful than her father John Voight, and she seems to be doing okay for herself.

The National Enquirer is claiming that Katie Holmes feels predictably stifled in her relationship with Tom Cruise and that she refused to change her last name to his on request. They also say she’s been “extremely happy” and doesn’t want out of the marriage, but is starting to rebel against the demands placed on her. I guess these are all details that could be gathered from over-analyzing her heel height and fashion choices at recent events, but the part about the name change sounds true to me:

The Enquirer has learned Katie exploded just before the couple’s first anniversary on November 18 because she felt like there were too many demands being placed on her…

“I am so tired of being told what to wear, what to say, what to eat and even what to think. I can’t stand it anymore,” Katie said during her tantrum. [To a friend who supposedly offered her a place to stay while Tom was away.]

But she has made it clear that she and Tom have no intention of splitting, and insiders say her angry words were part of the normal growing pains of a new marriage.

One issue that has frustrated Katie is Tom’s suggestions that she use his last name, said the source.

Katie said: “Tom wants me to take his name. I can’t tell you how many times we’ve argued about this. He won’t stop.”

The source revealed that Katie has told Tom several times she will not use Cruise as her “stage” name.

[From The National Enquirer, print edition, December 17, 2007]

While Katie may not be taking Tom’s last name, the story about how he re-named her Kate might be true. The Huffington Post has a copy of Katie and Tom’s Christmas card, as seen in US Weekly, and Katie signed it “Kate.” It features a burgundy ribbon and also is sent out in Isabella, Connor, and Suri’s name.

Tom, Katie and Suri are shown out in London in Hyde Park on 12/4/07, thanks to WENN.

Dolly Parton is one crazy cookie. I remember her in her days when “9 to 5” was hot. She was also in a Christmas special I loved to watch. But she is sporting more plastic than Barbie and going on tirades about hookers and her open marriage. Now she wants to package all that crazy-making into a biopic.

“Dolly wants the very best people in town to work on the project and is naturally very excited. And we hear the blonde legend wants American beauty Scarlett Johansson to play her.”

[Daily Star]

Good choice by Dolly. If Scarlett stuffed a couple of bowling balls into her bra she would be on the money. Parton’s most notable assets have been her best weapons since, I am guessing, birth. After she passes into the great big plantation in the sky she joked that her chest would live on.

“I can just see two big mountains growing up out of my grave, and people going around on mule rides to look at them. Throughout my whole career, I’ve been known for two things - I’m talking about my music and my lyrics!”

Parton is also trying to sell her idea to Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. She is desperate to have the TomKat team produce the biopic. She feels that Tom, Katie and Scarjo would be the best-of-the-best to bring her film to life.

My guess is that the hard-core Dolly fans out there will make a yearly pilgrimage to see the temple erected in her honor. Perhaps they could take those donkey rides to the top and find inner piece or a buffet of grits and a shrine made of acrylic fingernails dedicated to her memory.

Note by Celebitchy: I doubt this story is true, but with Dolly talking so much smack lately you never know. I was thinking they already have a sort-of shrine to Dolly Parton. There’s an amusement park in Tennessee called Dollywood, and checking out the website I can say that I would go there with my family if I had any other reason to be be in Tennessee. It looks like it pays homage to Tennessee’s past along with having modern rides and family shows. Have any of you ever been there and was it fun?

Scarlett Johansson is shown on 5/3/2007 at a Louis Vuitton party for Oxfam. Dolly Parton is shown on 6/7/07 at the Songwriters Hall of Fame Ceremony. Thanks to PRPhotos.

Update: I am using a Vodaphone connection temporarily, one of those mobile connections that you plug into a USB port, as I just moved and don’t have Internet at home yet. It does this weird thing where it doesn’t download the entire image data, and just shows fuzzy images. I thought it was just happening on my computer and that you guys would see clearer images, but it’s also affecting the images I download from PRPhotos. I found a workaround for newer posts than this, but I just wanted to let you know that there are fuzzy images on this post and on other posts with pictures from PRPhotos for the last week or so, and that I didn’t figure out what was happening until now.

Suri Cruise is an adorable little girl, with a bob to match her mom’s and the cutest dresses. It seems she also has footwear to match mommy’s too, and it isn’t from Target. She’s Christian Louboutin’s smallest customer.

Christian Louboutin has custom-designed a pair of shoes for tiny Suri Cruise, OK! magazine reports. The company had made a mold of the tot’s feet and hand-crafted a pair of bespoke shoes for her. “She’ll be the youngest client,” said a source.

NY Post

I had wondered if this was a joke because who would risk ordering those shoes, if they aren’t made quickly they won’t even fit 19-month-old Suri by the time they arrive. But then I checked out the rest of Suri’s designer duds and realized that if you’re willing to spend that much on clothes, you really need the shoes to match.

This apparently isn’t Suri’s first pair of designer shoes – Kelly Ripa gifted a pair of Roberto Cavalli crystal encrusted crib-shoes. At least she couldn’t walk and scuff them up. Or do as my kids do and take them off at the park and leave me wandering around looking for both sneakers and children.

Still, I bet Suri vomits on her clothes, fills her shoes with sand and water (usually at the same time), and poops her pants as often as any other kid. If you could pay to get rid of that part of child rearing, that would be some money well spent.

Picture note by Celebitchy: Suri, Katie and Tom are shown in Washington on 11/8/07, thanks to Splash News. I love how that woman in the picture only has eyes for Suri.

Update: According to the December 24, 2007 issue of In Touch, this story is false. They contacted the Louboutin company, which denied the report.

Tom Cruise was presented the “courage” award at Germany’s Bambi Awards, their equivalent of the Oscars. The Bambis are drier than the Oscars, but aren’t as long and also include fashion and music awards. This year the musical acts included Rihanna and Bon Jovi and American celebrities in attendance were Cruise and Katie Holmes, Sharon Stone and Eva Longoria. Sofia Loren was also honored for her life’s work.

I just watched Cruise’s acceptance speech and he rambled on for more than five minutes. He was given the award after a long montage was shown featuring practically every movie he’s ever appeared in, so maybe he was feeling particularly nostalgic. Even though I didn’t understand all of it I was starting to feel embarrassed for him.

Cruise’s speech was dubbed over in German, which I usually understand in context, but it was hard to follow. I bugged the shit out of my husband to translate it for me, and he kept saying he couldn’t directly translate it and that Cruise was like a preacher who was just rambling on. Cruise talked about how gracious and welcoming the German people had been to him while he was filming Valkyrie, and he then spoke about his meager childhood and about he moved around a lot with his mom while he was growing up. Then he launched into this long diatribe about following your dreams or something. Every time you thought he was over he wasn’t and he would just keep rambling on. At one point the audience clapped and he should have taken his leave, but instead he stayed at the podium to go on at least twice as long. The camera panned to the audience quite a few times and the attendees looked bored and perplexed as he just went on and on.

When Cruise returned to his seat, Katie Holmes smiled slightly and looked down, you could totally tell that she was embarrassed by how effusive he was. I love the German people too, I married one, but there’s no reason to go on and on about it and philosophize without end at an awards show.

I’m not home at the moment, we’re moving and are at a hotel, or I would have taped this and put it up. As soon as it’s available online I’ll post the video here. It was truly incredible how long Cruise spoke.

Thanks to WENN for the pictures of Tom and Kate at the Bambis. Also does Katie look pregnant or is her stomach just sticking out? Either way, that’s not a flattering dress, but at least her new hair detracts from it.

The Spice Girls world tour kicks off this weekend, and it’s been a busy week for the girls. Geri Halliwell blogs on the lead up to the first show on Sunday in Vancouver.

I actually feel like I’m in the Spice bubble… we are encapsulated in this world where we are just immersed in each other’s lives constantly. Just before the run through of the show this morning, Mel B, Victoria and I even went to the loo together… in separate cubicles, obviously!

But of course… there’s also my daughter Bluebell. She loves hanging with the Beckham boys. Cruz and Bluebell have play dates, and Romeo – well, he is just gorgeous with her. Actually, it was a beautiful moment when we were rehearsing the other day and all of our kids were playing on the stage at the same time. It made me smile.

As you probably know, Mel B was in the live final of Dancing With The Stars and we surprised her on Monday down at the show. She was so shocked, it’s the first time we’ve ever seen her quiet! She was with us in rehearsals yesterday morning and then went to the studio in evening for the results show. She SO should have won… I’m very disappointed. But we are all so incredibly proud of her. You’re a winner to us Mel!

Read the full entry at thespicegirls.com

Mel B was robbed! Robbed I tell ya!

The girls were also visited by Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes this week, and surprised them with an impromptu performance.

Tom and Katie’s 19-month-old Suri danced around as the band belted out a selection of their greatest hits.

Following the surprise visit, Victoria - who is married to England soccer star David Beckham - said: “David and I are great friends with Tom and Katie. It was lovely of them to come down to rehearsals, a really nice surprise.

“Katie has told me before that she used to be a huge Spice Girls fan, so it was great for her to meet the other girls.”

Stuff

In other Victoria Beckham news, she’s just been announced as the new face of the Marc Jacobs campaign. We’re unsure whether her new boobs have been temporarily added at the designer’s request, or if they are a permanent fixture. They’re definitely nicer than her old half melons.

Sadly, the Spice Girls aren’t coming to my town. Still, video of the shows should be up on YouTube before I even make it out of bed. I’ll be listening to their CDs, and watching their movie this weekend. Not because they’re on tour – I do it most weekends…

Picture note by Jaybird: The Spice Girls made a surprise visit to the studio’s of ‘Dancing with the Stars’ to support Melanie Brown. Images thanks to Splash Photos.

the last time Connor, Isabella, Tom and Katie were photographed together, 12/10/06.
Doesn’t it seem like Tom Cruise stopped pimping out his two older kids once Suri was old enough to start generating “aww, shucks” photo ops every few days? I was looking through the photo agencies trying to find pictures of Isabella, and the last time she was photographed out was when she died her hair blue while visiting her mom in Australia way back in May. Then we heard that 14 year-old Isabella and her 12 year-old brother, Connor, were busy being indoctrinated into the illogical and soul-sucking Scientology cult this summer, which may have explained why we haven’t seen them in a while.

But what about their sports games? Didn’t Tom and Katie show up at a soccer or football game constantly last fall? The Cruise kids are home-schooled and spoonfed cult nonsense, but at least they had the semblance of a normal life through involvement in sports. Isabella and Connor might still be playing sports this year, but if they are Tom and Katie aren’t showing up to cheer them on and embarrass them with well-documented PDA on the sidelines. They haven’t been photographed at a match since December, 2006.

So what’s up with Isabella and Connor? Are they even still around? Star Magazine says Isabella is at least home enough to swipe her stepmom Katie Holmes’ clothes, and that sounds like refreshingly normal behavior for a ninth grade girl. Of course her marathon-running stepmom is a bit too small to provide an endless supply of couture, but a lot of her shirts fit Isabella, and since Katie never wears anything twice she doesn’t seem to mind:

When Katie Holmes got back to L.A. from a recent visit to see hubby Tom Cruise in Germany, she discovered something amiss with her wardrobe. Her designer duds had been plundered - and the culprit was her stepdaughter Isabella!

“Bella has a wild streak in her that she expresses in the ay she dresses,” a friend of Katie tells Star. “She loves an eclectic look and gets that by mixing and matching her own clothes with designer pieces of Katie’s.”

The 14-year-old… is tired of the “conservative and old-fashioned” clothes her parents buy her, says the friend.

They get her things like Theory basics, “but she’d much rather go through Katie’s closet and find a Chloé shirt,” another insider reveals.

[From Star Magazine, print edition, November 19, 2007]

There are too many insiders for this story to be plausible, but it sounds likely. Maybe a writer at Star has a teenage daughter and is getting her stuff swiped too. I know I had a huge issue with my mom when I was that age because I was constantly wearing her shoes and rifling through her jewelry. Once you hit the age when you realize that there’s all this great stuff in your house you could be wearing there’s no stopping you. It doesn’t matter which family member it belongs too.

As it is, Isabella would have to be home to get Katie’s stuff, and she hasn’t been seen out with Tom, Katie, or Nicole in six months. Are Isabella and Conner children of convenience for Tom or are they so sucked up in the cult that they never see their parents anymore?

Header image is of Connor, Isabella, Tom and Katie on December 10, 2006, the last time they were all photographed together from what I can tell. That was when Tom got fat for like a month. If you have seen photos of them together or heard that they attended an event with any of their parents in the last six months let me know. Katie did go out shopping with Isabella way back in December of last year. And Connor and Isabella went to the Kids Choice Awards with Nicole in March of this year.

Isabella is also shown below with those blue streaks in her hair on 5/5/07 in Australia. You know that had to piss off the COS. Thanks to Splash News.

The National Enquirer has a cover story this week yelling all about Tom and Katie’s $600 million marriage contract in those bright yellow all-caps fonts the tabloids are favoring lately. I’m not sure if this is a new story or one of those recycled and embellished tales that we’ve already partially heard, but Katie doesn’t get the over 1/2 billion unless she’s shackled to diminutive Tom for life. She supposedly signed a contract granting her a per-year bonus to encourage her to stick around. This sounds familiar, but since I want to push off any potential Britney coverage on JayBird and am not interested in covering Ellen Pompeo’s quickie wedding, you’ll bear with me:

The contract, which reportedly runs about 100 pages long, was hammered out by Tom’s attorneys and Katie’s representative, sources say.

In it, Tom is said to have pledged a sliding scale of bonus-like payments to Katie based on the number of years they’re wed. But the… star sweetened the pot considerably to keep Katie out of divorce court. Just by reaching the one-year milestone, Katie is guaranteed up to $70 million, said the source. “If the marriage lasts five years, she could get an estimated $10 million extra, which would bump her divorce payoff up to $80 million,” added the source.

“If Tom and Katie are still happily married after a decade, she would collect a possible $100 million should the relationship later collapse.

[From The National Enquirer, print edition, November 19, 2007]

The article goes on to say that if Tom and Katie are married for life, Katie will get half. Tom’s fortune is currently estimated at $600 million, but it could double over the next decade due to his job as a studio head at United Artists.

And Katie has “reportedly already received $3 million, plus a $35 million Beverly Hills mansion, as a present for giving birth to Suri,” they add. Plus she’ll get a bonus for each child.

Predictably there is also a non-disclosure clause stating that she can’t provide any personal information about Tom or talk about the weird shit she witnessed once they split up.

I think The Enquirer is just rehashing an old story, but it’s interesting enough. It seems like they’re trying to get Katie to stick around since she gets $70 million for the first year but has to wait four more years to meet the next payoff benchmark of an additional $10 million. It hardly seems worth it if she’s already pocketing $70 million for her trouble.

In Touch Weekly claims to have an exclusive this week with “Tom’s Secrets Revealed,” but the story is little more than the already-known news that Andrew Morton’s much-anticipated biography of Tom is coming out January 15. In Touch does have a quote from a representative from the publishing company saying “It’s going to be explosive,” and “No one has dared to write a book like this. So it’s going to really be dealing with stuff no one has written about before.” [From In Touch, print edition, November 19, 2007]

We reported yesterday that author Morton has sold his home and gone into hiding due to threats from Scientology goons, who play dirty with everyone who dares question their scary cult’s practices. As for how Katie is handling the potential crisis, In Touch speculates that she “likely worries that the author will readdress rumors about the paternity of their daughter, Suri,” and they quote a supposed source as saying that “the rumors are really, really breaking her heart.”

I think she should take the $70 million and run, but maybe she’s holding out for the bonus. She has expensive taste now and surely that plays right into Tom’s hands.

Tom and Katie are shown on 11/6/07 at Museum Of The Moving Image Black Tie Salute Honoring Tom Cruise. Thanks to PRPhotos.