These are photos from an event in London last night for the launch of Cointreau Prive Pop-Up Bar. Your guess is as good as mine for what that is exactly. But no matter – because Cointreau’s girl (I think she’s the face of the brand, right?) Dita Von Teese was there, and she’s getting her style groove back after several wonky public appearances. I usually don’t care for pale girls in pale creams and whites, but this works on her and it manages to avoid the “bridal” vibe. Also, I usually dislike these cutout-dresses, especially when the cutout is at the waist, but the detail is done well here. Plus, this dress is a 360-degree experience – look at Dita from the back:

Um… how did I never notice that Dita has a great ass? She so does. Her back is lovely too. While Dita was in London, she also sat down for an interview with Time Out London. I just liked this – she’s not saying anything groundbreaking, but she just seems like a cool chick. I wish Dita was my friend!

Also at the Cointreau event – Kelly Brook and her magnificent rack. Only her rack was nowhere to be found, because it seems like Kelly duct taped her boobs down and squished herself into this tragedy of a dress. Why is this style popular now? You know who wore these kinds of oversized, poofy, faux-Elizabethan collars? Clowns. I like Kelly, but she needs to stop covering up!

Photos courtesy of Fame & WENN.

As you may remember, ever since I saw candid photos of Kelly Brook in a bikini, I’ve been a fan girl for Kelly. I used to not care that much about her, but her spectacular hourglass figure has made me a true believer. So I shall lay it down on the line for my lady: this new PETA ad is fug as hell. Kelly’s strength is not her face, but once you get past gawking at her body, she is much, much prettier than this. PETA Photoshopped Kelly to look ridiculously unattractive. Not only that, it seems like they airbrushed out part of her jaw, right? Like, that’s not even the SHAPE of her face. Here’s a photo of Kelly from last night – just a paparazzi photo of going into a fashion event:

So much better in candid photos.

Anyway, Kelly is taking part in PETA’s “Whose Skin Are You In?” campaign. Kelly was shot by Bryan Adams (ugh), and the point of the campaign is to “protest at how snakes, lizards and alligators and other exotic animals are skinned alive.” Kelly said, “It makes my skin crawl to think about the violent ways snakes, lizards, alligators and other exotic creatures are raised and killed for boots, bags and belts. Our message is to support the designers who are creative without being destructive, and go for the great fakes that pay tribute to the animals’ beauty without killing them.” Sure. I don’t own any exotic-skin handbags, so personally, I guess I’m okay with this. Except for the part where I kind of want an alligator-skin purse.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Boris Johnson, the mayor of London, announced the “London Sky Ride 2011” yesterday, and Kelly Brook was on hand to promote the event, which is basically a seven-mile bike ride for charity, I think. This is what Kelly wore – a biscuit-grazing mini-dress and heels. I mean, she’s so pretty, and the outfit is cute. But how in the world are you supposed to ride a bike in it? And how are there NOT 20-million photos of Kelly’s biscuits? I don’t understand? Did photographers all collectively forget the concept of “up-skirt” photos yesterday? It’s not like they would have even had to try that hard. Kelly is basically wearing a short smock, and she was on a bike. It’s just point and click.

Kelly told reporters, “Cycling is a fun way to spend time with friends and keep in shape. This will be my third year supporting the Mayor of London’s Sky Ride and I can’t wait for the 4th September to come around. It’s such a fantastic way to get out on your bike and enjoy the sights of the capital in your own time, with friends or family. Plus there is loads of stuff going on throughout the day to enjoy on and off your bike. So what are you waiting for? Come down and join me for a fun-packed family day out!” Oh, Kelly. It’s going to be so difficult for all of those dudes to ride their bikes when they have raging erections. She’s so cute.

By the way, she wants to get married. Cue a million marriage proposals by the end of the day:

Kelly Brook would “love” to get married. The ‘Piranha 3D’ actress – who experienced a tragic miscarriage in March – would like to walk down the aisle with her rugby player boyfriend Thom Evans at some point in the future but is not in a rush and is focusing on being a “good girlfriend” for the moment.

She said: “One day I’d love to have children and I’d love to be married but now I’m just focusing on working on staying healthy and fit and being a good girlfriend. That’s my priority. When the time’s right and if it happens, it happens. I won’t be proposing to anyone anytime soon, put it that way.”

Kelly, 31, is currently enjoying spending time at home with her family in Kent, South East England, getting back in shape and focusing on her modelling and acting careers.

She added: “I’ve been getting fit, working out, riding my bike, going back to the gym and doing photo shoots and modeling. It’s been really nice to get back in my body and get fit again. I’ve really enjoyed just being with boyfriend and my family, being at home in Kent and having time to myself.”

[From Contact Music]

Considering I’m now kind of in love with her, I’d really like to see Kelly break out in America in a big way, and find some American dude to raise her profile. I hear George Clooney’s trying to dump Crazy Keibler… maybe he could give Kelly a go? She’s his type – brunette, great figure, not a rocket scientist. I would LOVE Kelly and Clooney together.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

I’ve officially fallen into the Kelly Brook Trap. I think this means that I’m a dude now? So many dudes are absolutely obsessed with Kelly Brook and her body and even what she’s wearing (but only if she’s wearing something that shows off her body). I have become one of them ever since I saw Kelly’s PERFECT hourglass figure in a bikini. Now I want her.

I think Kelly might be trying to kill my lady-affection for her, though. Why else would she step out in these weird leather (!!) shorts? I feel like various celebrity women are trying to make these tragic high-waisted shorts into the next big thing. Granted, Kelly Brook can probably sell me on anything, but when someone like Rumer Willis is doing the high-waisted shorts trend, maybe the trend should just be put out of its misery. Especially when the trend is done is leather. So bizarre.

Sidenote: check out how much eye makeup Kelly is wearing! I think this is the new thing too, the “Raccoon McWaity Trend” where girls are doing really heavy eye makeup for daytime appearances and beyond. I blame Duchess Catherine. And Raccoon McPantless, but mostly Kate.

Here’s a shot of Kelly from behind – I love that she has a visible panty line. That makes me so happy for some reason, probably because I hate thongs. Kelly wears normal panties! YAY!

Photos courtesy of WENN.

As you can see, Kelly Brook is still in Ischia, Italy, where her swimsuit tour continues. On Friday, Kelly was almost universally gawked and applauded and fan-girl’d for her amazing hourglass figure in a pale green bikini. I was in awe of her curves, and I don’t know what I want more: a night in bed with Kelly Brook, or a night out on the town with her body.

Anyway, the swimsuit fashion-show! Here’s why I’m loving Kelly today: in addition to investing in an assortment of flattering bikini boob-harnesses, she also wears one-pieces! I love that. I’m not saying every woman over a certain age NEEDS to wear a one-piece, I’m only saying that not everybody belongs in a bikini, and sometimes one-pieces are flattering and pretty too. Obviously, Kelly looks amazing in a bikini, but she looks super-cute in this little ruffled black swimsuit too. I’m kind of surprised she can find one-pieces that fit her ginormous rack without being too baggy in the bottom.

Speaking of her bottom: WOW.

And for those of you who made the point that while Kelly looks great in a swimsuit, her incredible rack hinders her fashion choices… well, you’re right. I have a big rack, and it’s limiting. Here’s Kelly in a cute party dress a few nights ago in Italy. I’m thinking she must go up a couple of sizes so that her clothes fit her bust, and then she gets the waist taken in professionally.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Normally, we’re not the kind of site to just run photos of chicks in bikinis just because it turns us on. We’re mostly heterosexual women around here, although there are some women we would definitely consider. I tend to go for busty, brunette ladies with attitude, so that’s why I want to like Kelly Brook. She’s busty, brunette and… okay, she doesn’t have that much attitude, from what I can see. She seems like a sweet girl, though, and these bikini photos of Kelly on holiday in Ischia, Italy are turning me on.

How amazing is her figure? This is, like, a perfect hourglass figure. Toned but not gristly, soft not hard, amazing hips and dear God her breasts. They’ve gotten bigger! I know why too, but it’s a sad story. In May, she suffered a miscarriage when she five months pregnant. Her boyfriend, Thom Evans, was the father, and as far as I know, they’re still together. I mean… I can’t imagine he would want to let this go. Ever.

Anyway, ever since then, I’ve had sympathy for Kelly, and judging from these photos, I now know why all of those dudes have been all over her for so long. Her body is even more insane than before. She’s up there with Christina Hendricks and Sofia Vergara for “Racks That I’d Love To Motorboat”. I’ll tell you something else, too: I would much rather have her figure than someone like Duchess Kate’s.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Other blogs, mostly written by horny man-boys (kisses to IDLYITW), have been covering every single movement this chick Kelly Brook makes. I barely know that much about her – she’s a “model” but not like a fashion model or a Victoria’s Secret model, she’s a “model” for men’s magazine and such. She seems to be famous for having a pretty face and an enormous rack. Which, honestly, you could say about Christina Hendricks too, although I happen to think Hendricks is a wonderful actress and she’s also on one of the best shows on television. Kelly Brook doesn’t really have that much going on besides being a “model”. Also: just be a mean, vicious, bitchy, JELLY H8R, is it just me or is Kelly kind of cross-eyed?

She just seems famous with men. Women don’t seem to know her or care. Maybe she’s more famous and well-known in the UK, where she’s from? She doesn’t have awesome style, she’s only dated a few “celebrities” – she was in a long-term relationship with Jason Statham, she dated Billy Zane, and she was rumored to be boning Matthew Morrisson, although I really think that was a beard situation. No one really A-list or super-familiar to American audiences. So why is she getting so much coverage here? Boobs?

Oh, she’s in that dumb-looking Piranha 3-D movie. The header photo is of Kelly last night at the premiere, looking like Vanna White in the ‘80s. She’s also in Playboy in the September issue. Here are some pics:

Still not really getting it. Sure, she’s very pretty. But really, gentlemen? You’re working yourself into a lather for a brunette with a lovely rack? You know there are lots of brunettes with lovely racks, right?

Playboy photos courtesy of HuffPo. Header: Kelly on August 18, 2010. Credit: Bauer-Griffin.

The first reviews are in for Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull, which had its much-anticipated premiere at Cannes yesterday, and they’re mixed. A critic for Britain’s Telegraph calls it “creaky” with bad dialog but admits that it has rollicking good special effects. The overall consensus is that it’s a lot of fun, but that the plot leaves something to be desired.

The Pirates of the Caribbean films weren’t well reviewed either, but there was plenty of action and eye candy and they sure cleaned up at the box office. The fourthIndiana Jones movie is likely to do the same.

Here’s the latest trailer. Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull is out in the US and in most countries on May 22:

And here are pictures from the premiere yesterday, including Cate Blanchett, Shia LaBeouf, Natalie Portman, Salma Hayek, Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart, Aishwarya Rai, Linda Evangelista, Billy Zane and Kelly Brook (who are probably back together) and Goldie Hawn. Cate Blanchett always looks gorgeous.