I walk a fine line between loving and hating the Osbourne family. Luckily they’ve lost much of their appeal in the U.S. so I don’t have to think about them a lot anymore. On the one hand, I think they’re loud and tacky and rude. On the other, I appreciate that they stand up for each other and seem to have a close bond, albeit an unusual one. Matriarch Sharon Osbourne went off on comedian Jim Jeffries, telling him in an email exchange to “fuck off” after he called daughter Kelly fat and implied she was ugly.

The feisty matriarch - who has a penchant for firing off poison-pen letters to those who dare cross her - sent a scathing email to Jim Jeffries, telling him to ‘f*** off’. Potty-mouthed Aussie comic Jim clashed swords with Kelly during this year’s inaugural NME Awards USA. But he has now revealed the fallout from daring to criticise the Osbourne clan - even in jest - and the frank and hilarious exchange of emails between him and Sharon.

He was presenting awards in April and had made a joke to Kelly that she wasn’t as attractive as Agyness Deyn, who had just left the stage. The 23-year-old responded with a string of expletives, to which Jim replied drily: ‘I think she’d be famous even if she wasn’t Ozzy’s daughter - she’s that good.’

Kelly then spat in his face (charming). If that wasn’t enough retribution, Jim said: ‘I thought that would be the end of it but I got an email from Sharon which said, ‘Dear Nobody. Wait until you’re a celebrity before you criticise REAL celebrities. Why don’t you f*** off ‘.’ But Jim hit back by replying: ‘Dear Sharon. After you had all that plastic surgery and had the fat sucked out of your thighs, why did you pump it into your daughter’s face?’

[From the Daily Mail]

Jeffries shared the emails at a gig last night. Frankly I don’t think anyone comes off that well here. Jeffries sounds like a jerk for saying what he said in the first place. Especially in front of an audience. Kelly comes off as disgusting for spitting in his face. The cursing I can understand; in this particular case I’d say it was appropriate. But spitting… not so much.

And Sharon Osbourne could try broadening her vocabulary beyond her traditional 30 words. In fact what she said would have a lot more impact if she didn’t speak that way all the time. As it is, it’s pretty easy to brush her off. And to be fair, Kelly is definitely not fat, though she does have a very round face.

Here’s Kelly Osbourne leaving after eating lunch at an outdoor cafe in Manhattan yesterday. Photographer: Anthony Dixon. Header of Sharon Osbourne leaving Sur Restaurant in Los Angeles on July 8th. Images thanks to WENN.

This morning we covered the story that Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are pitching their own variety show, which they envision as a modern version of Sonny and Cher’s show. Now comes news that the Osbournes have signed a deal with FOX for a six episode variety show starring Sharon and Ozzy and their two more publicity-seeking children, Jack and Kelly. Variety reports that it will be a throwback to 70s variety shows like Sonny and Cher and Donny and Marie. It will include audience participation skits, comedy, and gameshow-type elements. This could either be a mish mash or they might be able to pull it off if it’s well produced. It will be produced by James Sunderland, who is an executive producer on the show Sharon is a judge for, “America’s Got Talent,” and it’s planned for a Christmastime release:

Mike Darnell, Fox’s prexy of alternative programming, envisions the show as something of a throwback to the heyday of variety skeins such as CBS’ 1970s staple “The Sonny and Cher Comedy Hour” and ABC’s “Donny and Marie.”

The plan is to blend musical perfs by the Osbournes and others with comedy sketches as well as gameshow, audience participation and out-of-studio taped elements. One idea being kicked around is for a segment dubbed “The Osbournes Meet the Osbournes,” in which Ozzy and Co. spend time with another Osbourne clan, Darnell said.

“We’ve been talking about how to renew the variety show concept and make it feel new for years now,” Darnell said. Deal came together quickly in the past two weeks as Fremantle circulated a DVD to major nets with comedy bits featuring the family and other prototype elements. Multiple nets bid on the show, but it landed at Fox in part because Sharon Osbourne and Darnell hit it off and had similar visions for the show.

Darnell hopes to launch the series, which will be shot in Los Angeles, with a Christmas special. The emphasis on music and performance would seem to make the show a natural companion for “American Idol,” but Darnell said any skedding talk was premature.

Eugene Young, chief creative officer for FremantleMedia North America, said the show would “tap into what the Osbournes do best, which is be themselves.”

Some segments will include the former Black Sabbath frontman “skewering pop culture,” while others will “tap into the sibling rivalry” between 23-year-old Kelly and 22-year-old Jack, Young said.

[From Variety via Huffington Post]

I liked Sharon Osbourne’s talk show, and maybe I’m the only one because it was canceled after one season in 2003, but I think she’s fun and can keep the show moving. Ozzy mumbles a lot and is hard to understand, but maybe if he sticks to performing and hanging around he’ll do fine. Kelly is a decent singer and had that “Papa Don’t Preach” cover as well as an album. She also appeared in the London production of musical Chicago.

I would watch one episode of this to give it a try. The Osbournes are going to have to control their swearing though or there’s going to be a lot of bleeping and editing required. That gets old quickly so they hopefully have enough other entertainment to make it worth watching.

Photo Credits: Kelly Osbourne is shown with her boyfriend Luke Worrall at the Glastonbury Festival on 6/27/08 and 6/28/08 thanks to Nick Pickles for WENN and Danny Clifford/Hottwire.net for WENN. Ozzy, Sharon and Kelly are shown at the Brit Awards on 2/28/08, thanks to PRPhotos.

Jack and Kelly Osbourne on 10/21/07. Scroll down to see video of their interview
Jack and Kelly Osbourne were on ABC’s “2020″ last night and talked about their battles with addiction. Jack, 22, says he’s been sober for 5 years and that he still struggles with urges to drink. Kelly, 23, wouldn’t specify how long she’s been sober after three stints in rehab, and says that as soon as she starts to count time that’s when the bad thoughts creep in, telling her it’s ok to get high again.

Kelly was the one who did most of the talking and who seems to be still battling her demons. After watching this I have a lot more respect and sympathy for her. She was very candid about what she’s been through.

Kelly’s early start: Vicodin at 13
Kelly said that she first experimented with drugs at 13 and took Vicodin. She said it silenced all the self conscious thoughts in her head telling her she wasn’t good enough. All the negative coverage of her weight in the media fueled her drug use, she said.

Kelly was usually high on “The Osbournes”
Kelly said that a lot of the screaming and fights you saw on “The Osbournes” were due to all the drugs she was on at the time and that they really heightened her emotions. She said it made her bratty and selfish.

Kelly took 100 pills a day; threw up blood
Kelly admitted that her parents did find a bag of pills that she had with 500 pills in it before she went to rehab, and explained that, “my mom would come into my room every single night and I was throwing up blood, because the Tylenol in the Vicodin was wearing away at my stomach lining.”

Kelly’s low point
She said her low point was waking up to her mom pounding on her back trying to resuscitate her because she had stopped breathing. She had peed the bed and said “At 20 years old, to wake up, by your mother trying to resuscitate you in a bed of your own piss. That is mortifying.”

Jack drank and smoked a lot of pot
Jack said he drank to go along with the crowd and that he used to limit pot-smoking to weekends, but that he was doing it more and more and had no boundaries.

Kelly told a story about how she found him throwing up on the floor and that’s when she realized he was “really f’ed up.”

Jack said he had suicidal thoughts on a daily basis before suicide attempt
After their mom Sharon was diagnosed with cancer, Jack said he struggled with depression and had suicidal thoughts “pretty much on a daily basis.”

Jack attempted suicide with booze and prescription drugs, the narrator explains, and he said “I wasn’t happy when I was drunk or high and I wasn’t happy when I was sober.”

Rehab worked for Jack, didn’t work at first for Kelly
Jack went into rehab after his suicide attempt at 17 and it’s safe to say it worked for him as he says he hasn’t had a drink since.

Kelly said that after she went into Promises rehab for the first time in 2004 she got high the day she got out and that it didn’t help her. “All I did there was buy 30 days of time and learn tricks from other addicts. And get a massage, lay by a pool… I was out of there… that night I was high.”

The narrator explains that Kelly’s third stint in rehab worked for her, and she said “It just clicked. You have to have that realization that you’re never going to win.”

Kelly and Jack’s futures
Both Kelly and Jack are living on their own now. Jack is hosting a reality show in Britain called “Adrenaline Junkies” that features people having adventures, and he said he wouldn’t be doing it if he were still drinking, and that “it’s taught me to live life to the fullest.”

Kelly is hosting “Project Catwalk” in England, which is their version of “Project Runway.”

Kelly always came off as a bit of a spoiled brat to me, and if she was taking handfuls of pills throughout the day you can see how it would radically change her personality. Both Jack and Kelly seem to have come to terms with their addictions and to be living a sober lifestyle now. I admire them for talking about it candidly and not glamorizing what they were going through.

Addiction is a lifelong struggle and maybe their story will help others who are facing similar problems realize that they’re not alone.

Here’s the video, thanks to clipper Monkeyboy on Redlasso.

Jack and Kelly Osbourne are shown at the National Television Awards on 10/21/07, thanks to PRPhotos.

Those Osbournes never know when to keep their opinions to themselves. Actually I don’t think they’ve ever even heard of the concept. But once in a while one of them makes a surprisingly good point, which hallways throws me a bit. Kelly Osbourne has come under fire for criticizing the Spice Girls for bringing their young children on stage during their performances on their recent tour. And she actually makes a bit of a good point.

Kelly Osbourne has lashed out at the Spice Girls for showing off their kids onstage. The outspoken reality TV star, whose own mother and father Sharon and Ozzy have often come under fire for their parenting skills, has offered her own family tips.

The 23-year-old admits she admires Gwyneth Paltrow’s celebrity parenting, but the Spice Girls are at the bottom of her list. She explains, “I respect Gwyneth Paltrow because she covers her babies’ faces - she never lets the paparazzi get that picture.

“I’m not going to put the Spice Girls down, but they took their kids on stage at every single show of that last tour of theirs. To be a child of three and have 25,000 girls screaming at you - I don’t think that’s necessarily good.”

[From Hollywood.TV]

Kelly actually makes a decent point, and she says it in a fair way. She’s certainly not “lashing out.” While I’m not really a fan of Gwyneth Paltrow covering her kids faces – I’m afraid that might give them some kind of weird shame complex – I could see how the Spice Girls bringing their kids on stage every night could be seen as a little exploitative. While it made news everywhere that three-year-old Cruz Beckham had some major break dancing skills, bringing the kids on every night to perform might have been a bit much. On the one hand it’s cute to watch, but on the other I couldn’t help but feel it was a little put on. Both Melanie Brown and Geri Halliwell brought their babies onstage as well. From other videos it appears that the kids are wearing earphones to block out the screams, which is good and shows their parents are taking their health into consideration. But it somehow seems like they’re trying to profit off their kids. Hopefully they all enjoy it and are having a good time, but I think in this one instance, Kelly Osbourne actually makes a good point. Now let’s see if she has anything to say about her own parents’ not-so-great decisions.

Here’s Kelly Osbourne alone with her family at the Birt Awards on February 20th. Images thanks to PR Photos.

Kelly Osbourne is running her mouth off again. This time she’s going after anyone who uses the internet for dating, saying that online dating sites are filled with sexual predators. Oh, and the internet in general is “perverted.” While I can’t really argue with the second statement, I highly doubt that internet dating sites are filled with nothing but sexual predators. I’m sure there’s some out there - and though I looked, I couldn’t find any statistics on if there are less or more sexual predators online than in the general population. But implying that that’s all you’ll find out there is a rather bold statement.

Kelly Osbourne has insisted that she would never try online dating because the internet is populated by “sexual predators”.

The reality TV star claimed that it wouldn’t matter how keen she was to find herself a partner, because she thinks the internet has become “perverted”.

She is quoted as saying: “I’d never go on one of those online dating sites. It’s weird. It’s full of sexual predators.

“The internet was created for knowledge and now it’s perverted.”

Talking about her failed romances in the past, she added: “I’ve fallen head over heels twice in the ‘love is blind’ way and got hurt.

“Now I’m so guarded that when it comes to that point I jump ship. I’m frightened I’ll get hurt again.”

[From Digital Spy]

I’m not sure that Kelly Osbourne should be so picky. I’m not saying it’s because of how she looks - though she does have an unusually round face - but more because of her personality. She’s always spouting off with a bunch of poorly thought out theories. Or worse, claiming downright falsehoods, like when she said she was going to pose for Playboy. After Hugh Hefner publicly shot that down, Kelly amended her statement, saying she said she wanted to pose for Playboy. That’s a little different. She’s also said her own good friends (dear Paris Hilton included) are competing in a “contest of self-loathing.” Though I can’t really argue with that point - it’s still not smart to say it publicly about your supposed friends. It’s good that she can be honest and real and figure out why she’s got issues with love and trust. But internet dating is pretty popular these days, and there really isn’t much stigma attached to it anymore. Calling out such a large percentage of the population is a little ill-conceived. Not that that ever stopped an Osbourne.

Picture Note by JayBird: Here’s Kelly Osbourne at the South Bank Show Awards in London on January 29th. Images thanks to PR Photos.

It seems like Amy Winehouse doesn’t believe in hiring a bunch of people to do all her errands for her. Which could be a good or bad thing, depending on your view. The woman has never had a driver, instead preferring to be photographed hailing cabs in bloody ballet shoes. We’ve seen her carting furniture home from stores with the help of friends, and moving her belongings from one home to the next with the assistance of family and a U-haul. On the one hand it’s nice to see a celebrity who doesn’t have a team of hired hands. On the other, it might prevent so many of Amy’s bizarre antics from reaching the front page of The Sun.

Kelly Osbourne, one of Amy’s good friends, has publicly said that she’s there to help Amy whenever she’s ready for rehab, and apparently she meant it. Kelly was seen carting Amy’s belongings into the Marylebone treatment facility with the help of Amy’s ever-present father Mitch.

Along with Amy’s father Mitch, Kelly arrived laden down with Amy’s belongings, which she’d collected for her from her flat in Bow, east London.

She brought two suitcases and two large holdalls, suggesting that Winehouse, 24, might be staying at the centre for quite some time.

[From the Daily Mail]

The article goes on to say that one of the reasons Amy finally agreed to go into rehab was that Mitch Winehouse told her he’d looked into getting her sectioned under the Mental Health Act. However Amy didn’t qualify – but apparently hearing that her parents were willing to go to such lengths was part of her impetus to finally go to rehab.

He said psychiatric help was “something we have looked at, and Amy is no way near in a position to be sectioned”. He added: “But unless she wants to do it of her own accord, it’s pointless. You can’t lock the key and say ‘you can’t come out before you’re better’. That’s called abduction.”

Mr Winehouse described the pictures from the drugs video as “horrible”, adding: “Her intake had been much reduced, but there are people around her which I have no control of. I can’t physically remove them. She doesn’t think she’s got a problem. She thinks she can do what she does recreationally and get on with her life.”

Mr Winehouse called a family meeting last night to discuss keeping a close eye on Amy to try to save her from self destruction.

[From the Daily Mail]

Well at least she’s in rehab. It is worrisome that she appears to have gone mostly at the urging of her family and the perhaps threatening of her record label. Unless Amy really admits that she’s got a problem, rehab won’t do much. But you never know if at some point in the process, she may realize it. It seems like things certainly can’t get worse by going to rehab. She’ll be away for her loser husband and hopefully the group of ne’re-do-well friends her father rightfully despises.

I wonder if she’ll ever sing her hit “Rehab” in concert again?

Picture note by Jaybird: Amy Winehouse will do her rehab stint at Cappio Nightingale Hospital in London’s Marylebone according to WENN. Photos of Amy and her father Mitch Winehouse leaving the Universal Records office after attending a 2 1/2 hour meeting with Amy’s record company yesterday. Images thanks to WENN.

The Daily Mail cracks me up. Whenever they can’t find something decent to write about, they just pick apart people’s bodies. Which is probably better than making up stories. It’s definitely funnier, though more at the Daily Mail’s expense than the celebrities’. Earlier this week they picked apart Kelly Osbourne - showing her one day with blemished skin and the next day looking perfectly airbrushed – under the title “Kelly Osbourne transforms from spotty to spectacular in just 24 hours.” Today they attacked Paul McCartney’s bedraggled look in an article with the confusing title, “Macca’s hard day’s night as he wears the same outfit the morning after the night before.” Not content to just criticize one celeb a day, they moved on to Eva Longoria, who apparently has “rather unsightly knees.”

The Desperate Housewives star has clocked up an impressive six outfits in just two days since arriving from LA to promote her new film Over Her Dead Body.

But despite her array of frocks, it was her often her unsightly knobbly knees that really caught the attention of onlookers.

[From the Daily Mail]

The article goes on to pick Eva apart. While I am by no means her biggest fan – come on! They’re knees! Does anyone have a good looking pair of knees? I’m a firm believer that God was not paying attention to aesthetics when he came up with knees. Same goes for elbows. Aside from airbrushed models, have you ever seen a knee that made you say, “I must have him/her right now! Look at that sexy patella!” The Daily Mail also has a hysterical photo collection at the bottom of the article where they zoom in on Eva’s knees and outline them in red circles. Because otherwise we couldn’t find them and truly appreciate how disgusting they are.

Picture note by Jaybird: Eva Longoria doing publicity in London on Thursday and Friday. The last photo is Eva at the Mandarin Hotel in Miami on 1/18/08. Images thanks to Splash Photos.

The Osbourne family seems to have a real problem with thinking they’re better than everyone else. Considering patriarch Ozzy Osbourne once bit the head off a live bat, the whole clan should show a bit more humility. Or at least keep their respective mouths shut. In the last month alone, Kelly Osbourne has bragged that “Paris gave me my first alcohol poisoning!” and said that she’s going to save Amy Winehouse from herself. Brother Jack Osbourne has claimed that DUIs are “no big deal” and Ozzy has admitted he can’t remember the bulk of his own life.

Kelly Osbourne is supposedly good friends with Paris Hilton (enough to be given alcohol poisoning by her) and Jack has supposedly slept with Paris (though that’s nothing noteworthy, a recent Reuters poll showed that 78% of the population has slept with Paris Hilton). But apparently that’s not enough to keep Kelly from badmouthing her to the San Francisco Gate.

She says, “I think for a lot of famous people press attention is an addiction. Those girls — Britney, Lindsay (Lohan), Paris and so on — are competing for the attention. It’s like, ‘Who’s going to get arrested next, get pregnant, go out without knickers and get on this week’s cover of Us Weekly?’

“It’s like a contest of self-loathing and I just don’t understand it. How has this turned into the fashionable thing to do? I would be absolutely mortified if I got arrested — I would be terrified of phoning my parents and telling them, and it would completely change me for the rest of my life.”

[From the San Francisco Gate]

I’m not sure if Kelly could possibly open her big mouth any wider. Hopefully she has relatively small feet to shove in there. Kelly is most famous for her family being famous. Kinda like Paris. She did garner a bit of her own fame during the family’s reality TV run, but only because she was so loud and whiney. Nothing to be proud of. Given all that, it shames me to say that what Kelly says actually makes sense. I just think it’s classless to say it about your own friend, especially to the press. And it kind of negates her point, since it makes it look like she’s trying to get press attention. Nonetheless, considering how all those girls – Britney especially – behave, one could easily make the argument that they’re almost trying to embarrass themselves. I never thought I’d say this, but maybe you three should listen to that nice little Osbourne girl.

Picture note by Jaybird: Kelly Osbourne at the Fiat 500 Launch Party at the London Eye on January 21st. Images thanks to PR Photos.

People are always saying how someone needs to save Britney Spears. When she first dumped K-Fed and it was looking like she was starting to go crazy (but we didn’t have any concrete evidence yet) everyone kept saying Justin Timberlake needed to save her. And eventually it got to Justin, and he made some response about how they’d been broken up for years and she wasn’t his problem. Totally fair. Well Amy Winehouse – Britian’s Britney Spears – has been on the receiving end of a lot of those comments for the past six months or so. A lot of talk about how someone needs to save her, who that someone should be, how they should save her, and what they should save her from. Well it appears that all the discussion is over, because someone has finally stepped up to the plate. That’s right, Kelly Osbourne says SHE will save Amy Winehouse. In related news, a group of blind men just walked down my street, leading another group of blind men. And I think there were some mice mixed up in there too, but who the hell knows.

Kelly Osbourne believes she can help friend Amy Winehouse get her life back on track - just as soon as Amy wants to do that.

Kelly is quoted in the Mirror as saying: “I am the one people come to with their problems.”

“I talk straight. I don’t say: ‘Look Amy, you’re just fantastic.’ I say: ‘Amy you have a problem. I’m here when you are ready to deal with it.’”

“I’m not going to tell her to go to rehab. She’s not an idiot, she knows what her problem is.”

[From Fametastic]

I feel so much better now. Thank goodness Kelly Osbourne is here to save Amy from herself. But not tell her to go to rehab, because we all know that’s the last thing she needs. She wrote a famous song about it for heaven’s sake. I’m really not sure why the Osbournes have such a bad case of foot-in-mouth disease. And why they they’re all constantly giving advice to everyone. I really hate people who give unsolicited advice. So now I really hate the Osbournes. Just like pretty much everyone else.

While I don’t think Kelly’s in any position to offer advice to Amy Winehouse – and certainly not to offer it to the Mirror ABOUT Amy Winehouse – maybe someone who’s got a lot of addiction issues could at least relate and say things in a way that would get through to Amy. Though I still think Amy’s starting to make some small improvements on her own, and every little bit helps.

Picture note by Jaybird: Kelly Osbourne at the CatHouse Grand Opening in Las Vegas on December 29th . Images thanks to PR Photos.

Like Garfield the cat before her, Kelly Osbourne is coming out in support of the fuller-figured amongst us.

Kelly - famed for her curvy figure - told Britain’s Star magazine: “I just get depressed in Los Angeles. Because I’m not a size zero and tanned and blonde I get scrutinised.

“But I wouldn’t want to be so skinny. I feel sorry for the girls who aspire to be size zero. It’s OK to be different. I don’t understand why everyone is so obsessed with making themselves a clone.

“Everyone has become a sheep. These girls don’t eat, stick their fingers down their throats and do loads of speed - they’re killing themselves and for what? Their own vanity! It’s sad. I don’t think there’s anything trendy about looking like you’ve just come out of Auschwitz.”

News24

Comparing skinny people to concentration camp victims? Kelly must really need to boost her ticket sales for Chicago.

Well Kelly, I’m coming out in the skinnies defence. While many Hollywood stars may struggle to maintain their 90 pound frames, some people are naturally skinny! I’m one of those genetically blessed, but while the media may say be skinny, everyone I pass on the street feels they have a right to call me a ‘scrawny bitch’ or a Auschwitz victim! Meanwhile, if I walked up to heavy people and said ‘hey tubby’ that would be completely unacceptable.

I seem to have gotten carried away here.

Kelly also added this about celebrities and their lack of knickers.

“It baffles me. I can’t even wear a thong. I always have to have my granny knickers on. I don’t understand the whole no knicker-wearing trend.

“It’s a bit sickening, but that’s how desperate people are for attention. Instead of going out and doing something good, they’d rather show their vaginas to the world.”

News24

Memo to everyone talking about vagina flashes – in polite company it’s not actually the done thing to tell people about your undies. It’s not actually that far from showing them to people. And then that isn’t far from flashing your lady-bits. Maybe it’s just me getting old, but it doesn’t seem very ‘nice’ to talk about your knickers. Even if they are granny pants.

Picture note by Celebitchy: Kelly Osbourne is shown on 8/23/07 out in London. Photo thanks to Splash.