Kevin Federline is being paid a whopping $175,000 to show up at his 30th birthday party at Pure nightclub in Vegas. The guy doesn’t need to get a real job, because he makes more than most of the world does in a couple years by just showing up for one night, making his squinty “I’m taking a shit” face and drinking out of his pimp cup. He doesn’t even have to rap, and will probably just get on the mic to thank everyone for coming.

Multiple sources tell PageSix.com that former Mr. Britney Spears is being paid at least six figures to host his 30th birthday party at the Las Vegas hotspot on March 21. (Check out the invite, above!) One insider says he will make about $175,000.

“Kevin is a big spender, and a draw for the crowds. So the money he gets is nothing compared to the money they make,” the source tells PageSix.com.

The big payday is particularly interesting considering that earlier this week, Britney’s lawyer argued that the pop star shouldn’t have to pay for Kevin’s legal fees because he has more money than he claims.

The family insider tells us that Kevin is planning on spending a few days in Las Vegas, which might give his ex-wife a chance to spend some quality time with their kids.

[From Page Six]

The FedEx owes around 1/2 a million in lawyers fees for his legal team that tries to bill as much as possible while fighting his neverending custody battle with his ex, Britney Spears. Britney is obligated to pay K-Fed’s legal bills, but her team is arguing that he can afford to foot a portion of the bill, given how large he lives.

While Federline is in Vegas Britney will get to see her toddler sons in supervised visits. Federline is said to have been instrumental in working to ensure that she had visitation rights restored once her father stepped in as conservator.

Kevin Federline has a bit part on the Comedy Central animated series “Lil’ Bush” in which he provides the rap stylings of “MC Karl Rove,” a younger fictional version of Bush’s much-maligned former chief of staff and the man responsible for Bush’s presidential campaigns.

Senator Barack Obama said of Rove that:

Karl Rove was an architect of a political strategy that has left the country more divided, the special interests more powerful and the American people more shut out from their government than any time in memory

[From The Washington Post]

Just imagine if this guy was a rapper, though. He’d be about as good at it, and about as self important about his perceived talent, as K-Fed. At least Federline was willing to poke fun at himself, like in his Nationwide commercial.

Meanwhile Federline’s potential turn on Broadway in “Legally Blonde” looks like it’s a no-go. The talks are said to have broken down over money, according to a source quoted by US Magazine.

Britney Spears has not seen her toddler boys, Sean Preston, two and a half, and Jayden James, one and a half, since January 3 after a high-profile standoff with police over handing them over to their father for a scheduled visit. While Britney’s first ex-husband has said that she has confided in him that she does not want full custody or responsibility for the boys, and thinks that she can just have more children later on if she feels the need, she does want to see them. Their father, Kevin Federline, is said to be advocating that Britney should have supervised visitation, always with one of her parent’s present.

There was a custody hearing in Britney’s case yesterday, in which she was represented by a new lawyer because her old firm couldn’t reportedly deal with how uncooperative she was. Lawyers tried to work out an arrangement in which Britney would get some kind of supervised visitation with her children, but TMZ reports that talks fell through and no agreement was reached. That means that, for now, she will not be able to see them. The tabloids reported this week that she does talk to them on the phone, but at that age it’s not much. Maybe she can arrange for K-Fed to set up a webcam so she can see them at least, if she wants to.

Britney has been under her father’s supervision by court order, and has hired a new lawyer to help her fight her dad’s conservatorship, claiming that it violates her civil rights. She is trying to get her conservatorship case moved from LA County to Federal court. Her new lawyer, who may not be recognized by the court because she technically doesn’t have the right to hire her own attorney as that is reserved for her conservator, says that “These are issues of confinement. Very serious confinement. Not allowed to contact her friends. Not allowed to use the phone. Not allowed to come and go as you please. Bodyguards controlling you and so forth.”

Britney looks like she’s doing moderately better, and was seen going out for sushi on Monday night. She even gave the paps a crotch shot, just like the old days.

I don’t know what the solution could be for this woman other than being cared for by her father until she is stable enough to take baby steps on her own. She doesn’t seem able to care for herself, and she was the victim of someone who was drugging her food, denying access to her cars and phones, and by some accounts stealing her money. Now her father is making sure that she stays safe and isn’t taken advantage of, and that requires some confinement. She’s not mentally stable, so it seems like her options are continuing to have someone monitor her, or going to a mental hospital. If she gets full control of her affairs back at this point it doesn’t seem like it would bode well for her.

Britney is shown out for sushi on Monday night. I’ll spare you more crotch shots, but she definitely wasn’t wearing flesh-colored panties.

In his first public appearance since the latest 5150 hold on his ex wife, K-Fed will be attending the Marc Jacobs fashion show in New York City today. Because, when you think of well-dressed, fashionable men, your mind just automatically thinks of Kevin Federline.

Kevin Federline is attending Marc Jacobs’ fashion show Friday, his rep tells Usmagazine.com.

Asked if he also will be performing, his rep says, “He’s just attending the show. He got invited by Marc.”

Federline, 29, is no stranger to the fashion world. While wed to Britney Spears, he told Details in 2005 that they wanted to co-launch a label called Pair A Dice “because dice are lucky for us.

“I’ve got a lot of good ideas about fashion that I want to put out there,” he said at the time.

The former back-up dancer has also appeared in ads for the Five Star Vintage line by the San Francisco-based Blue Marlin clothing company.

[From Us Weekly]

“Pair A Dice” fashions. How did I ever miss that gem? I can see it now: a whole line of Cheeto-stained trucker caps, designer lighters, pit-stained tank tops and hoochie shorts. Fabulous!

Anyway, K-Fed has kept a pretty low profile since the first Britney meltdown, and has only been photographed once since her admittance to UCLA Medical Center– smoking a cigarette on the balcony of the home he shares with his children with Spears. Sources have said that Kevin remains “worried” about the mother of his children, although he has not issued a statement on the matter. Just after her commital, this report surfaced:

Federline “doesn’t want [Britney] to get out [of the hospital] until she’s made progress,” the source close to Federline says. “This is obviously going to help her in the end – later, much later.”

The source adds: “He’s worried. … He doesn’t even know what’s going to happen next.”

Federline, 29, was not directly involved in the latest events, “but he was aware of what was happening,” says another source, a friend of Federline’s.

Unlike the first time Spears was sent to the hospital, the children were with Federline, the friend says.

“Kevin legitimately wants Britney to get better. He wants her to be in their sons’ lives. He wants them to have a loving relationship. He wants her to get healthy so she can be the mother they need and deserve,” says the friend.

[From People]

Wonder what he thinks of Britney being on the loose again?

Picture note by Celebitchy: Here’s K-Fed not looking high or anything on New Year’s eve at LAX Nightclub, thanks to PRPhotos.

Britney Spears has given her 16 year-old knocked up sister some seemingly good advice. She told her not to marry her baby’s father and end up like her.

Britney’s mom is said to have made sure that she didn’t hear about Jamie Lynn’s pregnancy before the press did because Britney has a big mouth and she was worried that the news would get out. That sounds like a legitimate concern considering that she’s dating a paparazzo:

“Whatever you do, do not get married! You are too young and you will ruin your life! Do not make a mistake and end up like me!”

That’s the shocking advice Britney Spears has given her little sister Jamie Lynn, who’s 16 and pregnant, the Enquirer has learned exclusively.

Now a single mom with two young boys, Britney is desperately worried about her sister’s future – and livid with her mother for keeping Jamie Lynn’s pregnancy a secret from her, sources say…

“Her mom Lynne didn’t tell [Britney] Jamie Lynn was expecting because she was afraid Britney would leak the news – or that she’d tell one of her friends who’d let the story get out.”

Frantic, Britney tracked Jamie Lynn down at Lynne’s home in Kentwood, LA – and the two sisters broke down in tears.

“When she got Jamie Lynn on the phone, Britney started to cry, and so did Jamie Lynn,” said the source.

“Britney told her ‘Do not marry Casey. Look at the position I’m in.’

“She told Jamie Lynn that she’ll always be there for her – and when she’s ‘had it’ with Lynne, Jamie Lynn can come live with her.”

[From The National Enquirer, print edition, January 7, 2008]

That’s ripe coming from Britney. It’s as if she blames Kevin for the fact that she can’t be bothered to spend time with her sons and/or hire a qualified nanny. She would be a lousy mom even if she was still married and at least the divorce helped Kevin step up to the plate, joint in hand or not.

Kevin is said to have also offered his support to Jamie Lynn. OK! Magazine reports that he thinks of her as a little sister and that “he just wants to be part of the support system.” He’s sure getting a lot of good press for a failed wannabe rapper that recently slept with Paris Hilton.

It seems like Jamie Lynn is going to have a troubled life whether she choses to get married or not. If she doesn’t want to end up like Britney she’s better off not talking to her much.

Header image is of Britney and Jamie Lynn together in October when a woman was harassing them. Thanks to WENN. Amazingly, there are no new photos of Britney today, but it’s still early. Give it a couple of hours.

A: Land him a Scandal Proof BabyMama in ’08

B: Prove that FedeX Still Delivers the Goods

C: Bring Both Ends of the White Trash Spectrum Together and Let the Healing Begin

D: What Happens in Vegas Stays in Paris

Picture note by Celebitchy: Header image is original art by UrbanDK for Celebitchy.

There has been a lot of speculation that Jamie Lynn Spears is further along in her pregnancy than the 12 weeks she admits to in the OK! article. Sources say there’s a photo shoot with OK! for Jamie and the baby scheduled for spring, which would make her at least four or five months pregnant, not three.

The Huffington Post has some quotes from the OK! article, and Jamie Lynn talks a little about her pregnancy symptoms. She says she doesn’t have much nausea now, but that she’s also not ravenously hungry and doesn’t have much of an appetite:

She says she has overcome morning sickness, has yet to experience weird cravings and does not show. “I definitely had sickness, but it’s getting better. It was at its worst a few weeks ago… I haven’t really got much of an appetite right now. I mean, I eat, but I’m not going crazy or anything.”

[Quotes from OK! Magazine found on The Huffington Post]

US Weekly has an interview with Jamie Lynn from three months ago in which she’s nonchalant when asked about her future. She was asked if she would be married with kids in ten years and she said “Whatever happens, happens, I guess. You can’t really say what is going to happen.” Does this indicate that she had a similar attitude toward birth control? She was either pregnant or just about to get pregnant at that point.

There’s a lot of heated debate over this subject and that’s understandable as this is a very young woman on a show aimed at tweens. Some commentors chastised me for assuming she didn’t use birth control, as no birth control is 100% effective. It doesn’t seem like a huge logical leap to reach the conclusion that there wasn’t birth control involved, especially considering the earlier story that she had a pregnancy scare, but maybe she used a condom and it failed. That’s happened to me, although thankfully I didn’t get pregnant until I wanted to.

Many people are pointing a well-aimed finger at Lynne Spears, Jamie Lynn’s mom, and asking if she ever had a birth control discussion with either of her fertile daughters. The Huffington Post has a great editorial questioning how Lynn could so quickly sell her daughter’s pregnancy story, and wondering how she so fundamentally failed in advising either one of her daughters.

Some quotes from the OK! article may show that Lynne either had no idea that her daughter was sexually active or was in denial about it. She calls Jamie Lynn her “baby” and says she was home on time for curfew. It has not yet been confirmed that Jamie Lynn was living with Casey, although People reports that he “was a fixture at the condo where Jamie Lynn stayed with her mother, Lynne, while filming the Nickelodeon series Zoey 101.” Doesn’t that sound like he was living with Jamie Lynn and her mom? And if that’s the case, what does it matter if she’s home on time if she’s having sex with her boyfriend when she’s there?

As for Lynne Spears, Jamie Lynn and Britney’s mom, she was shocked. “I didn’t believe it because Jamie Lynn’s always been so conscientious. She’s never late for her curfew. I was in shock. I mean, this is my 16-year-old baby.”

And don’t ask ask if Jamie Lynn and Casey should get married. “We’re not going there. We’re focusing on the baby. We’ve got so much to focus on right now.”

[Quotes from OK! Magazine found on The Huffington Post]

Meanwhile there’s a story that K-Fed heard about Jamie Lynn’s pregnancy before Britney did, because he has a close relationship with Lynne Spears and she confided in him on Monday before the news broke. As for how Britney is coping, she’s said to be driving around aimlessly, shopping, and going to whatever high end hotel will have her after she was barred from other establishments. It all sounds pretty average for Britney.

Our story yesterday that Jamie Lynn and her boyfriend Casey Aldridge have broken up seems likely to be true. Life & Style reports that they’ve had a rocky relationship and are currently apart:

A day after news broke that the 16-year-old is expecting, a Spears family insider tells Life & Style that she and Casey Aldridge, the father of her baby, are not seeing each other!

“Jamie Lynn and Casey are NOT together. They’ve broken up numerous times, but he was her first and she kept taking him back,” says the insider.

“They’re not dating now. He’s really got nothing to offer this baby. He’s a kid himself. They have no plans to get married.”

“At this point, Jamie Lynn has asked her mom — and not Casey — to be in the delivery room with her.”

[From Life and Style]

There will soon be a new addition to one of the most high profile celebrity families in the world. A very young woman is going to be a mother, but many of you have pointed out that this isn’t your average teen pregnancy as there will be no financial struggle for Jamie Lynn and all the help that money can buy. There could be plenty of confusion, lost opportunity, and personal soul searching for this girl as she matures and experiences the gravity of the situation. Let’s hope that she’s able to cope well and care for her baby, and that she turns out to be a better mother than Lynn or her sister. That bar is set pretty low.

Here are pictures of Jamie Lynn throughout the years, thanks to PRPhotos. Header image is of Jamie Lynn and Britney at the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory Premiere on 7/10/05. Dates of the photos below are noted with the larger images.

My faith in humanity is shaken. “Details” magazine has named Kevin Federline the 7th most influential person under 45. He is stationed on the cover of the magazine looking like he is guilty of passing gas and hoping you don’t notice. To his right, amongst several story topics included in the issue, is the highlight “Are You Turning Your Kid Into a Douchbag?” I am guessing this was done on purpose.

“Who’s the 7th most-influential man under 45? Well, according to Details magazine, that man is Kevin Federline. And they even gave him the cover!”

[People]

To further the jaw dropping factor, Details gives the title of “Good Father” to both Kevin and Larry Birkhead. Their reasoning for the father of the year award is due to “being more visible presences in their children’s lives than many Hollywood A-listers.” Federline also delves into his deep fuzzy thoughts for the magazine, touching on subjects like his career and kids.

Kevin on fatherhood:
“To be a father is…everything. It shows me how little I am.”

The direction of his career:
“I’d actually like to play somebody other than a bad guy or an ass.”

What is playing on his TV right now:
“My TVs are pretty much G-rated right now. Anything from SpongeBob to Finding Nemo, and you know, I’m still trying to decide which one I like more.”

Meanwhile, Kevin is at the center of a battle for his babies. Both he and Britney Spears are under investigation for child abuse. The Los Angeles County Department of Child and Family Services is appealing to Commissioner Scott Gordon to take a look into the actual care of both Sean Preston and Jayden James. Several complaints and tips have been presented to Child and Family Services. Most have been from employees of both Spears and Federline.

If looking at your kids as a walking dollar sign and a great way to pump press for yourself is good parenting, then sure, Kevin and Larry are the front runners for father of the year. As my Grandpa would so plainly put it…. “He is like a turd that won’t flush.”

Shar Jackson and Kevin Federline have a weird relationship. And I mean weird mostly in a “good/unusual” sense. Kevin left Shar when she was pregnant to shack up with Britney Spears. Yet the two still remained in contact, and never really bashed each other publicly. While no one’s in love with K-Fed, and a lot of people doubt his motivations, he’s certainly the better parent when it comes to him and Britney. Maybe the fact that he and Shar managed to successfully co-parent their kids through all of that drama was indicative of his SLIGHTLY better-than-thought character. It certainly speaks highly of Shar that she was able to handle the situation. A lot of people point out that because K-Fed essentially made no money of his own, it was Britney who was paying his child support, so Shar had good reason to be nice about. I think that’s bull. Jackson did milk it a little bit for publicity, but nowhere near where she could have. Considering that the press will essentially cover ANY Britney story, Shar could have gotten a lot more press and made a lot more money than she did.

Since Spears and Federline have split up (and since Britney’s gone crazy) their sons Sean Preston and Jayden James have been spending the bulk of their time with K-Fed. Because he and Jackson are still close friends and spend a lot of time together, Jackson ends up looking out for Brit’s kids more than Britney likely does.

Embroiled in an ongoing custody battle with ex-wife Britney Spears, Kevin Federline nevertheless is trying to see that all four of his offspring get along, thanks to a helping hand from former girlfriend Shar Jackson. Jackson, 31, has two children – Kori, 5, and Kaleb, 3 – with Federline, 29, and says that she watches Preston, 2, and Jayden James, 1, who are Federline’s kids with Spears, 25.

“We definitely make sure the kids all bond together,” Jackson told reporters Tuesday night. “I mean, they’re siblings, they need each other.” Jackson also stresses that she and Federline strive to keep their family closely knit, despite whatever differences she and he might have. “We’re not together or anything but we’re definitely still a family unit,” says Jackson. “Honestly,” says Jackson, “we’re like the best of friends. Obviously, the relationship didn’t work out for a reason, and we’re cool with that. But we’re still a part of each other’s lives. And our children get to see two people who aren’t together but still have a great relationship, and I think that’s really important.”

[From People]

Shar also says that K-Fed is a good parent, and always has been. Not just to his high-profile kids with Britney, but to her two kids as well. Though I don’t remember ever seeing them or really hearing about them when he was married to Britney. But if nothing else, Federline doesn’t seem to try to pimp out his kids to the press. Jackson also says they get along well because they don’t talk about Britney or Federline’s custody battle. She said, “That would be a non-stop conversation, and we don’t even go there.” I think K-Fed should get the kids, then he and Shar should get married and live in d-list paradise. It’d be like Britney’s just desserts. She stole a guy from another woman, ended up having two of his kids, divorced him, went crazy, the guy went back to the girl with tons of the crazy woman’s money, and they lived happily ever after. Or star in a bunch of cheesy reality shows, whichever works best.

Britney lost custody of her boys, Sean Preston, two, and Jayden James, one, after an emergency hearing yesterday. The details were not made public, with the judge ordering her that K-Fed “is to retain physical custody of the minor children on Wednesday, October 3, 2007 at 12:00 PM until further order of the court.”

There’s a lot of news about this case today and I’ll try to cover most of it here.

How did Britney lose custody?
Remember the extensive list of things Britney had to do to retain custody of her boys? She had to visit a parenting coach, go to counseling, undergo twice-weekly drug testing, take a parenting course, and attend weekly co-parenting sessions with K-Fed.

TMZ reports that not only did Britney fail to do a single one of those requirements, she didn’t even sign the judge’s order!

There’s some speculation that Britney failed a drug test, and there were pictures that came out of her looking teary after supposedly going to a test. I saw those photos attributed as Britney crying outside her lawyer’s office too, so it’s not clear whether she actually submitted to a drug testing session, and TMZ is reporting that she didn’t.

Along with going out partying right after hearing that she would have to give up drinking and doing drugs in order to keep her boys, it surely counted against her that she was cited for a hit and run in a parking lot fender bender, and for driving without a license.

And with her bodyguard telling everyone who would listen that she nearly ODed and that her behavior was so bizarre that he was afraid for the safety of her children, she’s doesn’t seem to be a competent mother.

What did Britney do after she lost her boys?
She went tanning, to the DMV and then went out.

WENN has photos of Britney looking oddly upbeat after she was told she would lose custody. She was photographed outside her place with a big smile on her face. Maybe she was putting one on for the cameras or maybe she expected to lose custody and was relieved that it was over.

Britney went out last night as expected. While she didn’t hit Hyde, she did go to the Penninsula Hotel, and was seen leaving in an SUV with a driver.

US Weekly reports that Britney was unemotional after handing over her children. The official custody changes on Wednesday at noon, but it seems as if the boys are already with K-Fed, as they were not seen out with her after the court hearing and other news outlets have reported that they are with K-Fed at this time.

Should Britney be driving?
While Britney doesn’t have a California driver’s license, she does have one that’s valid in her home state of Louisiana until 2009.

She was supposed to apply for a license within 10 days of residing in California, though. X17 notes that she could get around requirements that she obtain a license in California because it’s possible she never established residency under California requirements, which state that you are a resident if you are registered to vote, working in the state, paying tuition as a student in state, or have filed a homeowner’s tax exemption. She self-employed so if she never registered to vote it’s possible she could be found not guilty of driving without a license.

She did visit the DMV yesterday after the custody hearing to apply for a license in California.

Fears for Britney’s mental health and possible suicide risk
Everyone is speculating that Britney might try to commit suicide after losing her children. Even though it seems like she wanted to lose custody – she didn’t even sign the judge’s order – she may be conflicted and upset about it.

EOnline quotes Dr. Drew Pinksy, host of radio show Loveline, as saying “you have somebody who will become suicidal, I’m totally convinced.”

Her bodyguard said she talked of suicide, so it’s possible this will send her over the edge. She seems to have been teetering there for quite a while.

She desperately needs help, but it doesn’t matter if the whole world is watching and telling her to get to therapy and rehab. Britney will continue to do what she wants, and now she won’t have to worry about anything or anyone holding her back.

She wants her childhood back, and for her that means indulging every whim and making sure we watch while she f8$#s up.

Picture note: Britney is shown on Sunday at Taverna Tony’s with her children. Sorry the children’s faces are blurred, Splash does that now.