Radar Online had these great photos taken inside of Britney’s mansion, which they say is pretty cheap at a paltry $13.5 million when compared to the local market. The next cheapest place in their Malibu neighborhood is going for $21 million. It looks like a showroom at a tacky furniture store. Hopefully they had good maids there, because it must have been a bitch to dust all those ugly hanging fabrics and various knicknacks.

Pink is the New Blog reports that Britney has left Louisiana with her two infants and is going to Las Vegas, where it is thought that she will continue work on her new album.

K-Fed was seen moving out of the mansion yesterday with his homies loading up a big SUV. He’ll undoubtedly pay them in pizza since Britney cut off his funds.

He was also photographed promoting Evian water, which is pretty damn funny considering that his concert waiver states “No Evian.” Beggers can’t be choosers.

K-Fed’s recent NYC gig was not cancelled but only because he begged.

His concert at Webster Hall was supposed to start at 7pm but the crowd was so small that K-Fed waited for three hours…hoping that more fans would magically appear.
“They were going to cancel this concert, but he begged them to keep it on,” a Webster Hall bartender told Star. “He had to fight with them to keep this concert.” Only 300 people showed up at the club that holds 1,500.

In the words of John Lennon (a real musician): Instant Karma’s gonna get you,
Gonna knock you right on the head.
Read more details on K-Fed’s latest humiliation here.

Everyone is saying that K-Fed didn’t know the divorce was coming since he went on and on about how he was in a partnership with Britney, and was captured on videotape receiving the divorce news via text message.

I wonder if he’ll ever regret bragging about how much he loves tacky bling and luxury cars? He told Salon magazine that he still feels “poor” despite a “fetish” for items that could feed entire African villages for a year.

He also said that his relationship with his wife is worth way more than all the material goods he covets and accumulates. Let’s see how he really feels about that when he’s trying to get a chunk of her money:

The watch you’re wearing is worth more money than I’ve made in the last five years.

That’s my baby. Whenever I made some money that’s the first thing I went and bought.

So there are certain aspects of the lifestyle you probably enjoy.

Of course, of course. I have my fetishes like everybody else does. My shoes — my kick game is ridiculous.

How many shoes do you have?

Probably like 80 to 100 pairs. My watch game is ridiculous — just jewelry in general. It’s an investment. I bought this [points to his watch], and it’s already gone up in value. All the jewelry I’m wearing has already gone up in value.

You’re not planning on selling it anytime soon are you?

Hell no. I ain’t getting rid of it. I’m going to go out and get some more. It’s great to be able to go and do that stuff, but you really sit back and think about it … You could have all the money in the world and within two months of having that … Say you hit the lotto, right? Two months of having that money, you go and buy a mansion, you buy a big-ass boat, you travel all around the world, you do everything in two months. That’s not gonna buy you happiness. That’s not gonna define who I am. It only goes so far. There’s something way beyond that that’s deep that I have with my wife that nobody will ever understand…

What’s the last book you read?
o
Last book I read was either — man, somebody just asked me this shit today — it was either Russell Simmons’ or Puffy’s book. I’m really studying people who have been in this business and people who have really made themselves into a business from nothing because basically that’s … you see the watch and you see the jewelry and even though, yeah, I do have money, in a sense, I act like I really don’t. Right now the way I look at it is that I’m broke and I’m struggling to get this shit off.

He also claimed that he’s rapping because he loves to, and not because he needs the money. Most incredibly, though, he claims that his terrible rap-like music would have been super popular if he never hooked up with Britney! “If people didn’t know who I was, a couple of the records that I’ve thrown out would’ve probably blown up huge by now. It would’ve just come out of nowhere — people wouldn’t know what to expect.”

And it just doesn’t stop today. This pr0n video service that copies YouTube has a ringer for Britney giving a way too professional blow job. Here’s why I don’t think it’s real: the woman in the tape is a brunette and the news of the supposed sex tape was published in October, 2005, way before Britney dyed her hair. The woman does look a lot like Britney, but she’s too thin to be her as a brunette and from some angles does not look like her at all. In the brief second she opens her eyes, her eyes look too dark to be Britneys. (Yes, I watched this closely.)

Here’s the NSFW at all link, which will work only after you sign up for that pr0notube.com service.

I’m beginning to think all this sensational news is just an attempt by the right wingers to take focus off the fact that they go their asses kicked in the election. Britney once said that we should support our president in every crazy thing he does.

News did just break that Britney’s sex tape case was thrown out, though. She tried to sue US Weekly for claiming that a sex tape existed and that she and K-Fed screened it for some estate lawyers. Since she talked so much crap about her sex life on that terrible “Chaotic” movie and appeared nearly naked in all her music videos, the judge dismissed her case.

Thanks to Defamer for linking this.

Life & Style claims that K-Fed wanted to surprise Britney with a divorce first, and was trying to use their first child, Sean Preston, as leverage. Kevin met with a divorce attorney in May and wanted work out a hefty $10 million settlement for himself. Once little Jayden James was born, Kevin wanted to up that amount to an unbelievable $30 million. The bastard tried to use their two children as pawns so that he could get more cars and jewelry to “rap” about:

As early as last May, Kevin, 28, began secretly meeting with his lawyer, Mark Kaplan, to work out a settlement deal with Britney, 24. Kevin was prepared to use their son, Sean Preston, now 1, as leverage: If Britney didn’t give Kevin $10 million, plus their $10 million Malibu mansion, he would sue her for custody, claims an insider. “Kevin knows that Sean is Britney’s Achilles’ heel,” an insider says.

But the couple stayed together through the birth of their second son, Jayden James, now 2 months. Yet Life & Style knows that Kevin recently went back to his lawyer for more secret divorce talks — and this time, he had two babies to use as pawns. He was hoping to score a $30 million payday.

“He feels like $10 million is not a generous amount if he and Britney split since he won’t have any part of his sons’ lives,” says an insider.

But Britney was too quick for him. While Kevin was caught up with his troubled album-release tour, she filed papers of her own asking for legal and physical custody of Sean and Jayden — before the couple reached any kind of deal.

“There was no way she was going to let Kevin lead the way on this subject,” says a close friend of Kevin’s. “She filed first to save face. It’s all about taking care of the babies and keeping the money.”

And Brit’s prenup should be airtight. According to the prenup, Kevin will receive $300,000, any gifts Britney bought him that cost less than $10,000 and half the value of their $10 million Malibu mansion.

Perhaps if Kevin had paid more attention to his wife instead of his career and friends, he would have seen the legal war coming. After a bitter fight on Oct. 11, Britney told him, “If you want to act like you’re a bachelor who doesn’t have a family or a wife, I can make that a reality,” says a friend who witnessed the fight. Brit later got on the phone with her mother and told her, “This isn’t working.”

By filing for divorce first and not succumbing to Kevin’s ridiculous settlement demands, Britney is making sure that the terms of their prenup are adhered to:

According to an Us Magazine article from December 2005, here are some of the details of their pre-nup:

• K-Fed won’t touch a penny of Britney’s money. All the millions belonging to Britney will stay that way.

• The mansion will be divided 50/50.
• Any gift given worth over $10,000 will go back to the original purchaser. This includes a custom-built motorcycle Brit gave K-Fed for Christmas 2 years ago.
• She will still support him for a little while longer. Brit will pay Kevin $30,000 a month for the period of time that is half the length of their marriage. Meaning he’ll be taken care of until at least a year from now.
• Spears won’t pay child support. Federline is still responsible for supporting his other two children with previous baby momma Shar Jackson.

This is the woman who once gave K-Fed her no-limit Amex black card to show him that she trusted him, so she deserves a lot of credit for filing for divorce first.

K-Fed has a custom Ferrari worth more than a quarter of a million dollars, a Maserati worth at least six figures, and a $30,000 watch. All that shit is going to go back to Britney!

(Prime Celebrity Tips Network e-mailed me the pre-nup details, and you think they would include a link back to their site, which I could not find.)

You almost feel sorry for that asshole for a minute. He went on and on about how Britney encourages his crappy career and how they’re in a partnership. Then he gets a text message that his free ride is over. K-Fed - you’re going to be forever known as that douche that used to be married to Britney Spears!

Thanks to BreatheHeavy.com for this video.

K-Fed’s album “Playing with Fire” is out and the Amazon reviewers either love it or hate it. Most hate it, and a few of them have actually listened to it. Here are two of my favorite reviews:

A cute poem from top 100 reviewer Amanda Richards:

This former back-up dancer
Now known as Mr. Spears
Has brought us the worst album
To be released in years

Though he thinks he’s Eminem
He’s more Vanilla Ice
And after you’ve heard this one once
You wouldn’t hear it twice

Just listen to the lyrics
And see if you agree
These are the worst songs ever “sung”
In all of history

The first single is “Lose Control”
A track that should be tossed
I would suggest this album
Be avoided at all cost

Maybe next year on April 1
(You’ll get two for a buck)
Buy `em for an All Fool’s joke
and watch your pals upchuck

Top 1000 reviewer Pen Name, who gave it half a chance before trashing it:

I gave half of this CD a listen to see if the criticism Federline has been receiving is justified. I can quite clearly say that it is. The “beats” on this album are pretty sophmoric, but could be overlooked with good writing. There are no songs that really have a very catchy rhythm that you can enjoy, although a few have potential. The main problem with the album though is the awful lyrics:

“Im the talk of the town
Thats the reason why they stare
4 karats in my ear
If you look see a glare”

“When the pen hits the pad
It’s in the left hand
Every single word is worth thirty grand”

“Every word out my mouth
Make headline news
I’m the best, I rule
Come test my tools”

Federline spends the entire album rapping about four things:

a) His wife
b) How much everyone hates him
c) How much pot he smokes / how much he gets drunk
d) How awesome he is.

I assume the fact that people are always “hatin’ on him” gives him street cred and makes him tough in his eyes. I just can’t understand it, as these lyrics would be laughable from ANY artist, not just him. He actually has a fairly decent voice, but it won’t matter if he keeps using monosyllable rhymes that sound like they were written by a third grader.

A guy who unwittingly attended a listening party and almost got kicked out for mocking the CD like everyone else there:

Well folks, here is a true story. About 3 weeks ago a friend of my sister was invited to a listening party over Los Angeles. Her friend works in a radio station their and said there is going to be some celebrities and some people in the up and up in music, so by some reason I’m still quite sure how it happened, possibly parental nagging, I went to this party not knowing really what to expect and being an open minded music fan actually made it kind of interesting. At the party, I heard some DJ going around telling every one to expect big things from an up and coming artist, so later on I was appalled when this up and coming artist was…………..Mr Britney Spears HImself Kevin Federline. Naturally I wanted to bail faster than a guy in a high speed chase then all of a sudden it clicked, I could listen to the album and actually go ahead and bash this later. So the agony turned to despair and even some times comedic as many people there were thinking and saying what was on every bodies mind, is this a joke? So listening to this abomination I was just laughing when I told someone that Vanilla Ice would be proud that someone was holding his torch alive and then someone from his crew threatened to kick me out and I did leave after many people left in disgust and annoyed at what I saw and heard too, just because you marry someone big, wont meen that people will put up with your joke of a life. Im mean this album had some of the worst production and skills ever. Basically his songs are, yeah, Ilive the high life cuz I married Britney, Im from Fresno and Im a gangsta. So after I left the party, feeling dirty and actually wanting to puke, I got my sister, her friend went home and to try to salvage part of life that shamefully I will never get back so to calm my self , I got my Celtic Frost To Mega Therion album, crank the stereo up went home. Now thanks to this event I think Im suffering from post traumatic stress disorder and hopefully I will forget this soon and alcohol will mostly help to earse it. Remembered, I suffered so you wouldn’t have to.

Britney has now been shopping for a ton of clothes in size six. She was said to be planning a Halloween comeback and it seems like she’s slimmed up enough to perform again. At least someone in her family is talented.

Glossy pictures of K-Fed’s latest spawn, Jayden James, have yet to be seen. I thought they would be published in time to help promote his album, so they’ll probably come out soon along with jaw-dropping pictures of his wife.

If you want, you can listen to the entire album online. You can’t fast forward so don’t say I didn’t warn you. There are also scans of the entire “Playing with Fire” CD, which consists of a naseating number of photos of K-Fed in the exact same pose, at BreatheHeavy.com. I was going to post them here, but I don’t have the patience to download and resize all that shit.

Thanks to Fark for reminding me to look at Amazon for the reviews.

At the end of September we reported that Britney refused to confirm that her new baby’s name is actually Sutton, but everyone went on assuming it was. Now Kevin Federline kind of let it slip in a radio interview that it isn’t really the baby’s name at all, and that it’s crazy when “people are telling me my child’s name:”

If Britney’s new baby isn’t named Sutton, and better yet if it’s not even a boy she gets a lot of credit for fooling the media for this long. She managed to slip in and out of the hospital unnoticed and now she’s kept her newborn so under wraps that no one knows the tyke’s real name or gender yet.

Her husband’s album should completely suck, but it’s sure to get a little publicity boost from Britney’s tightly-guarded baby secret.

Meanwhile K-Fed is hawking Five Star clothing’s new line at Kitson LA. He says his children come first, but it sure doesn’t seem like it when he’s partying all over Vegas.

Page Six reports that philandering K-Fed, who is currently partying in Vegas with random women while his wife tends to their one year-old and newborn child, stands to get much more money then everyone assumes if he leaves Britney.

There was a story K-Fed gets more money in the pre-nup for each child he fathers with Britney, and that may explain why she got knocked up again so soon, and why his settlement stands to be this large if he leaves her.

How long do you think it will take K-Fed to blow through $10 million? The guy has a custom Ferrari worth more than a quarter of a million dollars, a Maserati worth at least six figures, and a $30,000 watch. There was a story that Britney gave K-Fed her no-limit Amex card last month to show him how stupid and gullible she is for trusting him. Maybe he used it to order this terrible pendant he’s wearing.

Things seemed rough but patched up recently for these two, as Britney has been supporting Kevin’s ridiculous music career by introducing him at the Teen Choice Awards and lending her vocals to a track on his new album. Now that K-Fed is partying in Vegas and being so aggressive with the paparrazi it seems like their relationship is just as bad as was rumored earlier in the year.

Here’s K-Fed partying it up in Vegas. As D-Listed points out, that stupid custom bling looks like a Pepperidge Farm Chessman cookie. It probably cost enough to feed a small village in Africa for a year. Pictures from BreatheHeavy.com and taken by X17.

Update: The tattoo of a stylized “F” on K-Fed’s left arm is new, and is said to stand for Kevin’s Federation records. [via]

Kevin Federline has cut his “Brazilian ass-shaker” song, “Popozao” from his new album, “Playing with Fire.” The album will be released on Halloween with a replacement track featuring a duet with Kevin’s much more talented wife, downtrodden pop star Britney Spears.

K-Fed tried to claim in early July that the awful “Popzao” was just a “joke” that he released ahead of the rest of his material to fake us out so that we would be stunned by his real talent.

This video of him jamming out to Popozao proves otherwise.