In “kids say the darndest things” news, Angelina Jolie gave an interview to GMTV in which she mentioned that daughter Zahara thinks she’s pregnant… with a pig. I could understand if Zahara thought Angelina was pregnant with a pig… not even piglets, but a full-sized pig. Angie is huge right now. But apparently Zahara likes pretending she’s pregnant too, and has decided she’ll be having a pig. Nothing wrong with that. It’s certainly one of the more useful animals.

Angelina Jolie says her adopted daughter Zahara thinks she’s going to give birth to a pig. The 3-year-old is trying to be like her mum, who is expecting twins with partner Brad Pitt, 45.

“The kids are excited and they are starting to understand about me being pregnant,” Ange explains. “We’ve had it before with Shiloh so they know what’s going on. Zahara pretends she’s pregnant too and says she has an animal in her tummy. She says the piggy is making her eat all the chocolate brownies.”

And 4-year-old Pax also reckons he’s pregnant.

“Pax says he’s got a baby monkey inside him.” Ange tells GMTV. “So it’s really fun in our house at the moment.”

[From Now Magazine]

I really like this idea of getting to pick exactly what it is you’re pregnant with. The other day I was watching this special on baby pandas on NPR’s website, and I decided I really wanted one. If only I’d consulted the Jolie-Pitt children first, I would have found out I could birth my own panda. Seriously, I think this is a good idea all around. Though somebody should probably let Zahara know what’s up at some point. Or in about 25 years she’s going to be really disappointed.

Here’s Pax, Angelina, and Zahara in New York in September. Images thanks to WENN.

“Sex and the City” star Sarah Jessica Parker is determined to show her son, James Wilkie, how the other half lives. The quirky fashion icon says in a new interview that her son has more hand-me-down clothing than new duds, and that she and husband Matthew Broderick have tried to instill in him that just because mommy and daddy are rich and famous, that doesn’t mean he should ride the gravy train through life. Kathy Hilton, are you reading this?

Sarah Jessica Parker: fashionista. Her son? Not so much.

“[James Wilkie, 5,] only wears hand-me-downs because I’ve got all these older nephews,” Parker, 43, says in the newest issue of Parade magazine.

“That’s the God’s honest truth,” swears the Sex and the City star. “Plus, my mother saved all my brothers’ clothes. I am not kidding. I don’t think I’ve ever bought him any clothes. Maybe a new winter’s coat….”

But just like her footwear obsessed SATC character Carrie Bradshaw, James Wilkie gets new shoes!

“I do buy him shoes, because everybody’s feet are different,” says Parker.

Parker grew up as one of eight siblings in an impoverished family, and doesn’t want her son to be spoiled.

“I think that if I had been raised a child of privilege, I wouldn’t be the working person I am today,” she says. “I think it’s incumbent on my husband [Matthew Broderick] and me to really stress and to show James Wilkie by example what it means to owe your community something and that he is not entitled to the benefits of our hard work.

“That doesn’t mean that I’m withholding or keeping from him the joys of childhood — I’m not Joan Crawford,” she stresses. “But I also don’t want him to think the world he lives in is the real world. It’s not.”

Parker, who says she’s more comfortable in the role of James Wilkie’s mother than any other on-screen, insists on being a hands-on mother.

“I put him to bed every night. I get him dressed. I’m the one who gives him his toothbrush. I take him to school every morning,” Parker says. “He’s very small, but his personality is 6 foot 4.”

[From Us Weekly]

For all her faults, Sarah Jessica does seem like a devoted and down-to-earth mom. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a photo of James being handled by a nanny or bodyguard. I am pretty sure we will not see stories about James Wilkie in 10 or 12 years partying in night clubs or acting like a celebrity brat.

However, I have a confession- if I were rich, I would go absolutely nuts buying my two daughters new clothes. I love shopping for them, and have since they were babies! As for my two stepsons- they hate clothes shopping with a passion, and are perfectly happy in the hand-me-downs from their older cousins. If they never had to set foot in a clothing store again, they would be happy beyond belief. But I have to admit, I still can’t help picking them up a cool rugby shirt or a pair of hip jeans when I’m out shopping. Does that make me a bad mom?

Note by Celebitchy: Sarah Jessica Parker and son James Wilkie are shown on 3/7/08, thanks to Splash. My son has that exact same hat! It’s from Old Navy and is from last season because I got it in the states around October of 2007. So that’s new.

My son also wears a lot of hand me downs and second hand clothing, but I have fun buying him stuff too. I think it’s different when you only have a boy or boys, because they don’t get too fussy about their clothing and neither do you.

In honor of Mother’s day on Sunday, USA Today has new quotes from some celebrity moms on how being a mother has changed their lives. I have a three and a half year old son, and some of these quotes really made me nod and others got me a little choked up. There is nothing that I’ve experienced in life that has changed me more than being a mother. I especially related to what Kate Hudson said about how you have to be careful how you influence your children because they’re so observant. Maybe it’s because we both have sons around the same age, but her thoughts really rang true to me. Most everyone said that being a mother has influenced them to try and be a better person.

Kate Hudson says Ryder, 4, has made her slow down and appreciate more

“I’m very impatient. I like to get things done. I move fast. Patience has been something he’s teaching me. Your children teach you so much. It’s a real mirror of yourself. You recognize the things you do directly affect your children. It hopefully allows you to be more conscious of them and yourself and your actions. When you have kids, it goes so fast. I felt like I was pregnant last weekend, but he’s 4 and he’s talking and he’s gathering his ideas and learning who he is. It’s so easy to step in and fix things and make everything right, but you have to let him figure things out on his own. That’s one of my favorite things to do, to watch how they treat other kids and how they observe other people. Your life becomes about your children. I wake up every morning and I hear his voice, and that’s my favorite thing in the world. There’s nothing like it.”

[From USA Today]

Helen Hunt says her daughter Melenka, 3, inspires her to be calm and relaxed

“It gives me real motivation to try and be the person I want to be. You tell them to be patient. But they’ll do what you do and not what to say. If I want her to be relaxed, I have to be relaxed. Or at least try as hard as I can to seem relaxed. If I want her to be patient, I have to be patient. If I want her to be kind, I have to be kind. I have a deep wish for her to be happy and serene, and it makes me want to do everything I can to be happy and serene.”

Thandie Newton says her daughters Ripley, 7, and Nico, 3, inspire her to be a better person

“I’ve learned the value of stripping it down to the basics: love, respect, compassion, stillness, to be interested, to be able to absorb the moment. I remember the first time Ripley saw her shadow. My god. It was like shadows had just been invented. It was the most exquisite moment. And it was just dish to me. To actively attempt to be a good mother is basically attempting to be a good person. I never look at my kids and feel that they’re mine. I am their caretaker. They own the joint. It’s a privilege to be able to take care of them. With my first daughter, I remember waking up and thinking, ‘My god, I get to be her mum again today. Wow. It’s amazing.’ They just take my breath away. All I do is serve themselves back to themselves. My job is just to provide a secure environment where they can just be themselves. It’s the cycle that keeps going forward. You give to them, so they can give to their kids. You have to be delighted by that.”

Salma Hayek on how Valentina, 7 months, brought out a pure kind of love in her

“You learn so much. Listen to her. She’s in the background. Do you hear that strange noise she makes (like a purr, or a rolled r)? It’s the French in her. It’s hilarious. What I learned as a mother is that I have a strong love for things. But the quality of your love gets jaded over the years as you get beat up. What motherhood did to me, when she was born, the amount of love that started pouring out of me was completely pure. Anything anyone ever did to me was erased by this energy. I relearned how to love everything around me, too. My baby is the best thing that has happened to me in my life. It’s the most amazing thing.”

Kate Hudson and Ryder are shown out on 3/22/08 in Miami, thanks to Splash News.

“King of Queens” star Leah Remini and her husband have a four-year-old daughter who is still drinking up to six bottles a night and wearing diapers. Leah asked Rachael Ray - of all people - to visit her home and see what goes on with her daughter, Sofia Bella.

Leah Remini may have been tough as nails on The King of Queens, but when it comes to her nearly 4-year-old daughter Sofia, she’s a total pushover. “I’m very consistent; I give in,” says Leah. “My daughter runs the house.” Although Leah is conflicted about taking a stance that leaves her daughter in hysterics, she’d like to try getting Sofia off the bottle. “The problem I’m having with bottle-feeding is basically that Sofia drinks six or more bottles a night,” she explains, a situation that leaves her and her husband Angelo exhausted from handing over new bottles and changing diapers at all hours. Leah also recognizes there are potential health issues. “We’re hearing that it’s not good for her,” she admits. “In talking to our pediatrician, they almost fell off their chair when we said she’s still on the bottle. So I’m thinking maybe it’s not right.”

[From The Rachael Ray Show Online]

She’s thinking MAYBE it’s not right? What the hell! This kid is a pre-schooler, not a baby. And SIX bottles a night? I can’t help but think about how bad that is for her teeth, not to mention the fact that if she is drinking all that milk instead of eating actual food, she is not getting enough nutrients.

The other part of this equation that has me scratching my head is why Leah thought it was a good idea to go on the Rachael Ray show and let cameras capture her and her husband being completely bulldozed by their kid. Apparently, Rachael Ray, who has never had kids and is now suddenly defining herself as yet another Oprah, put Leah in touch with a pediatrician and a mom of three to give her some advice.

After her meeting with Dr. Ari, Leah and her husband Angelo decide to try and wean their daughter. They get some pointers from one of Rachael’s viewers who is a mother of three. “You’re not going to like a lot of things I’m going to say,” Stacey Lewis tells Leah. “Children need consistency and they need structure. This is going to be tough work but we’re going to get it done.”

For their first night with no bottles, Stacey suggests some tough love and says if Sofia has a tantrum they can offer her water in a bottle with no nipple. They decide to give it a try, but only last a few hours when Sofia has a fit. “We’re definite pushovers and at the end of the day you have to follow your heart,” Leah says. “Sofia was crying again for a bottle of milk and then I started crying I think because I felt so bad,” Leah says, and they give her the bottle. “It just doesn’t feel right for me to have a screaming baby and to say no to a bottle.”

Leah and her husband are Scientologists, and if the rumors are correct about the parenting style involved with that cult/religion, babies are supposedly already born knowing everything, and are treated as little adults. But how does that explain treating a four-year-old like an infant? I think it’s because Leah waited so long to have a child, and this is probably the only one she’ll have, so she is holding on to those “Baby” years for as long as humanly possible–which is not doing the kid any favors.

Note by Celebitchy: Leah Remini and her husband are shown at the “Over Her Dead Body” premiere on 1/28/08, thanks to PRPhotos.

Part of me thinks it’s none of our business if she still lets her kid drink a bottle and wear diapers as long as she’s well cared for. Since she invited cameras into her home, though, I guess it is our business.

I used to think British “supermodel” Katie Price, aka Jordan, was a world class moron. Then I asked myself, “Self, why do you think that?” And I realized it was because of the big fake boobs, fake hair, fake teeth, fake tan… and all these very superficial things. I’d never head the woman speak, so it didn’t seem fair to judge her to be a complete moron. So here I was, sitting at my desk, trying to give Katie Price another chance when she completely out-morons anyone I’ve heard of in a long time.

Katie and her husband, heterosexually questionable Peter Andre, are in Los Angeles filming and promoting their reality TV show for E! Her daughter, 9-month old Princess Tiáamii (yes that’s her real name, I’m not mocking the poor kid) came down with a serious case of chicken pox right before they arrived. What does worried mother Katie Price do? She insists the show go on, and not let little Princess Tiáamii ruin everyone else’s good time.

But when Jordan’s daughter Princess Tiáamii caught the infectious disease while on holiday in Los Angeles, the glamour model was insistent life should carry on as normal. Despite medical recommendations to keep a chicken pox sufferer at home, the glamour model brought the nine-month-old baby for a day out in Beverly Hills - and her spotty appearance certainly caused a stir.

Arriving at LAX airport, Katie admitted Princess had caught the virus from older brother Junior. She said: “She’s covered in chicken pox. How typical. She’ll be alright. Junior’s just had them.” On Sunday, the couple left Harvey and Junior with the nanny to show ailing Princess the sights of Beverly Hills.

[From the Daily Mail]

The two parents proceeded to prance around Los Angeles, eating lunch outside while pausing to make out, then shopping for hundreds of dollars of clothing. All the while, they were dragging along their horribly sick, spotted, and contagious child for the paparazzi to swarm. Absolutely lovely. Not surprisingly, the day ended with a trip to the hospital for little Princess Tiáamii. Luckily she appeared to be okay, and was given some medicine and ordered to stay on bed rest. Perhaps inside with the nanny that Jordan left her two healthy children with.

Here’s Katie Price and a sick little Princess Tiáamii yesterday out and about in L.A. Images thanks to WENN.

Devoted babydaddy or lazy gigolo- will the real Kevin Federline please stand up?

In the months following the Britney-K-Fed divorce, the ongoing custody battle, and the slow, steady Brit meltdown, Federline has kept a fairly low profile and done a good job of keeping their two children protected. But recent documents revealed that K-Fed many have been lying about his income in order to get his ex-wife to pay his legal bills- and that the single dad likes to blow money on strippers, nightclubs, booze and ridiculous tips.

K-Fed lied about his income and charged up ridiculous expenses, including insane tips, according to new court documents. Britney Spears’ newest lawyer, Stacy Phillips, filed documents challenging the legal fees that Brit was ordered to pay for Fed-ex. Phillips claims K-Daddy “understated his income by at least $200,000.” She also says Federline buried all sorts of personal expenses and pretended to have $800,000 worth of business expenses. PopoZão!

According to the legal papers, Federline grossed $544,074.73 from his production company, “Gooseneck Productions” in 2007, and his expenses totaled $841,128.67. Phillips says Federline’s so-called business expenses included “extraordinarily high tips for food and beverage services [e.g., $1,100.76 tip on $2,782 bill; $200 tip on $371.29 bill; and $2,000 tip on $365 bill].

K-Daddy got Britney to pay his legal bills, claiming relative poverty. But, as her lawyer calls it, “Bank of Britney” may have been taken for a ride — specifically, from L.A. to Vegas. According to legal docs, in a recent eight-month period, Federleezy blew $50,489.71 on hotel rooms and refreshments in Vegas.

In one day alone, K-Fed dropped $2,632.50 at TAO Beach (the pool club at The Venetian). And on one wild evening, he spent $2,862.60 at TAO nightclub. One day at the Hard Rock Beach Club — $3,008.33

Oh yeah, and there’s this…. at Scores strip club, he once spent $365, but left a $2,000 tip.

[Compiled from TMZ]

Juxtapose these legal findings with the public image of a caring dad trying to create a stable enivronment for his two young sons, and I don’t know what to think. I do remember K-Fed spending a lot of time at clubs while Britney was home with two small boys, which led up to their divorce. It seemed as though he’d given that up after becoming the sole custodial parent, but maybe not. Also, how did K-Fed earn anywhere near $500k though his “production company”? What exactly did he produce, besides Sean and Jayden? I’d be willing to bet that all that money he blew in Vegas was courtesy of his ex-wife. Last time I checked, having a two-minute cameo on “One Tree Hill” doesn’t pay well enough to justify that kind of spending.

Picture note by Celebitchy: K-Fed is shown at his 30th birthday party on March 21, for which he was said to have been paid $175,000. That might explain where he got the money. Thanks to WENN and PRPhotos.

If you have children, you were probably subjected to Nickelodeon’s 25th Annual Kid’s Choice Awards ceremony on Saturday night. You have my sincerest condolences. I, too, had to watch, and it was often eyeroll-inducing: lame banter between celebrity presenters; boring and unfunny “behind the scenes” skits; stupid slime stunts that dragged out the show even longer and wayyyy too much Disney product, in the form of Miley Cyrus and the Jonas Brothers. Miley Cyrus won favorite female television star and favorite female musical artist, much to my daughter’s delight.

There were a few bright spots in the broadcast, including host Jack Black’s over-the-top opening musical number, in which he wore a bright green superhero costume and rocked out with a giant octopus playing guitar to the Kiss song “I Was Made for Loving You,” with the lyrics changed to “I Was Made for Sliming You.” (In my opinion, Black was the only funny, high-energy part of the show and should have been allowed to riff and get crazy even more.) The theme of each Kids’ Choice Awards, you see, is that celebs and kids in the audience get buckets of green slime poured on their heads at random moments. Slimed celebs included Harrison Ford, who recreated a famous scene from “Raiders of the Lost Ark,” which concluded with him being covered in green slime. Other mildly amusing segments included a celebrity belching contest that featured Jodie Foster attempting to burp along to the song “YMCA.”

All in all, the show had the same problems as most other awards shows: it went on too long, there was too much unfunny dialog, and the host didn’t get enough chances to do what he does best. But if you are at all interested in the winners, here they are.

Favorite TV Show: Drake and Josh
Favorite Reality Show: American Idol
Favorite TV Actor: Drake Bell (from Drake and Josh)
Favorite TV Actress: Miley Cyrus
Favorite Cartoon: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Favorite Movie: Alvin and the Chipmunks
Favorite Movie Actor: Johnny Depp
Favorite Movie Actress: Jessica Alba
Favorite Animated Movie: Ratatouille
Favorite Animated Voice: Eddie Murphy (Shrek The Third)
Favorite Music Group: The Jonas Brothers
Favorite Song: “Girlfriend” by Avril Lavigne
Favorite Female Singer: Miley Cyrus
Favorite Male Singer: Chris Brown
Favorite Male Athlete: Tony Hawk
Favorite Female Athlete: Danica Patrick
Favorite Book: Harry Potter Series
Favorite Video Game: Madden NFL 2008
Wannabe Award: Cameron Diaz

If anything, the Kids’ Choice Awards gives parents a glimpse into the music, movies, and other pop culture their kids like– which should scare the crap out of you. I know I had a hard time sleeping knowing that the youth of America wants to be just like Cameron Diaz.

Though he went to rehab twice last year, in July and September, sobriety is apparently still an elusive concept for Richie Sambora. The Bon Jovi guitarist was arrested late last night and cited for driving under the influence in Laguna Beach. Police also confirmed that he had a female passenger in the car with him, who TMZ is reporting was his 10-year-old daughter Ava. Ava’s mother is Sambora’s ex-wife Heather Locklear.

Laguna Beach Police Sgt. Jason Kravetz confirmed to E! News that officers first spotted the 47-year-old’s black Hummer driving erratically on the Pacific Coast Highway at roughly 10:52 p.m. Tuesday. Officers briefly followed his swerving vehicle before pulling him over.

The Lost Highway rocker was administered several field sobriety tests, all of which he failed, and was taken into custody just after 11 p.m.

Once at the nearby police station, the rocker, whom cops described as being “very cooperative,” opted to take a blood test in lieu of a Breathalyzer. His blood-alcohol level has yet to be released, though police say there was no indication of drugs in his system.

Sambora was booked, briefly housed and released from the station just after 4 a.m. Wednesday morning on his own recognizance.

[From E! News]

My mind will never cease to be boggled by the sheer amount of celebrities who cannot seem to afford to call a cab or a car service. I’d be interested to find out if the percentage of DUIs is higher for famous people, or if it just seems that way because they get attention for it. Driving drunk is absolutely inexcusable, driving drunk with your 10-year-old in the car is beyond my comprehension. And I have to say that – while it’s never a good idea to piss off your ex – it’s an extra bad idea to do that when your ex is Heather Locklear. I obviously don’t know the woman, but she just has that, “Mess with me and I’ll grind your balls into the cement,” expression on her face all the time. I can only imagine what would happen if you messed with her kid.

Seriously, the celebrity DUI thing is so played out that I can’t even summon righteous indignation anymore. It’s really sad that this has become so commonplace that it just merits a shoulder shrug.

Here’s Richie Sambora with ex-wife Heather Locklear and daughter Ava at the “Perfect Man” premiere in June of 2005. Images thanks to PR Photos.

Update by Celebitchy: US Weekly reports that three other females were in the car, two of them juveniles, according to police. That probably means that one of Ava’s friends was n the car, along with another adult passenger. TMZ notes that Sambora could be charged with child endangerment.

Those Osbournes never know when to keep their opinions to themselves. Actually I don’t think they’ve ever even heard of the concept. But once in a while one of them makes a surprisingly good point, which hallways throws me a bit. Kelly Osbourne has come under fire for criticizing the Spice Girls for bringing their young children on stage during their performances on their recent tour. And she actually makes a bit of a good point.

Kelly Osbourne has lashed out at the Spice Girls for showing off their kids onstage. The outspoken reality TV star, whose own mother and father Sharon and Ozzy have often come under fire for their parenting skills, has offered her own family tips.

The 23-year-old admits she admires Gwyneth Paltrow’s celebrity parenting, but the Spice Girls are at the bottom of her list. She explains, “I respect Gwyneth Paltrow because she covers her babies’ faces - she never lets the paparazzi get that picture.

“I’m not going to put the Spice Girls down, but they took their kids on stage at every single show of that last tour of theirs. To be a child of three and have 25,000 girls screaming at you - I don’t think that’s necessarily good.”

[From Hollywood.TV]

Kelly actually makes a decent point, and she says it in a fair way. She’s certainly not “lashing out.” While I’m not really a fan of Gwyneth Paltrow covering her kids faces – I’m afraid that might give them some kind of weird shame complex – I could see how the Spice Girls bringing their kids on stage every night could be seen as a little exploitative. While it made news everywhere that three-year-old Cruz Beckham had some major break dancing skills, bringing the kids on every night to perform might have been a bit much. On the one hand it’s cute to watch, but on the other I couldn’t help but feel it was a little put on. Both Melanie Brown and Geri Halliwell brought their babies onstage as well. From other videos it appears that the kids are wearing earphones to block out the screams, which is good and shows their parents are taking their health into consideration. But it somehow seems like they’re trying to profit off their kids. Hopefully they all enjoy it and are having a good time, but I think in this one instance, Kelly Osbourne actually makes a good point. Now let’s see if she has anything to say about her own parents’ not-so-great decisions.

Here’s Kelly Osbourne alone with her family at the Birt Awards on February 20th. Images thanks to PR Photos.

An older image of Angelina with Zahara and Pax
This week’s Life & Style has an article titled “Brad and Angelina try to be normal” which is all about their semi-settled life in a suburb of Austin, Texas while Brad films Tree of Life. They say that Angelina and Brad are fitting in well with the community and that Angelina drops off Pax and Zahara to daycare at 8am and picks them up again at 3:30. Six year-old Maddox attends the Lycee Francais School, which is another branch of the bilingual school he attended in both Prague and New York. Little Shiloh stays with her mom while her brothers and sister are off during the day:

The duo, who are living near Austin, Texas, while Brad films… “are just like the rest of us,” Leslie, a parent at Bright Horizons Day Care Center - where Pax, 4, and Zahara, 3, spend their days - tells Life & Style. “They drop the kids off, work, then pick them up.” In fact, Angie, 32, personally brings Pax and Zahara to daycare at 8 a.m. before taking Maddox, 6, to the Lycee Francais School (if Brad’s already on set [and unable to do it]).

While the older kids are out, Angie (who’s more than five months pregnant) runs errands and spends time with Shiloh, 22 months. But she makes sure she and Brad are back to pick up the kids at 3:30 p.m.

The two are clearly trying to give their kids a down-to-earth upbringing. But with security guards posted in the daycare parking lot, private flights out of the Smithville-Crawford Municipal airport and a top-security ranch in Cedar Lake, Texas, to call home, life is far too chaotic to be seen as normal. “There’s a lot of fuss and security now that Brad Pitt is making a movie here,” Kathy Moree, a 7-Eleven clerk in Smithville, Texas, tells Life & Style.

[From Life & Style, print edition, March 31, 2008]

I don’t know how families with many children manage, but they do somehow. It also seems unfair to point to Brad and Angelina as somehow uprooting the kids when they are trying their best to be there for them and to create routines and a semblance of normal life. They move around because they have to be in different cities for work.

It’s hard to keep things stable and the same for kids and I only have one son and things seem to constantly change with my family. We just moved to a new city about three months ago, we’re trying to get our house set up, and the daycare and babysitter situation is hard to manage. My son is three and he definitely feels the change. I just do the best that I can.

Life & Style points out that the Brangelina family were in New Orleans from March 13 to 17 so that Brad could break ground for the Make it Right charity with President Clinton. They’re now back in Texas. It’s looking more like Angelina might give birth in the lone star state. She still hasn’t confirmed her pregnancy, but there’s really no need to at this point.