These are some newish photos of Kim Kardashian two nights ago at the “Night of Generosity Gala” in LA. Don’t ask because I don’t know. What I do know? Kim Kardashian needs to stop with skirts cut like this. This is one of my biggest annoyances about “makeover” shows – many of the stylists don’t bother dressing girls for their respective shapes. A full skirt like this is fine a narrow-hipped, small-bottomed girl. On a girl built like Kim, it ADDS weight. Kim has a tiny waist and shapely legs – this outfit screws with her proportions, makes her legs look short, makes her look thick-waisted, and it makes her ass look HUGE. Add to this to the styling issues: those janky extensions combined with her electrolysis-adjusted hairline makes me think that she’s wearing a wig. Rough.

In other Kim K. news, her lawyer is still beefing with Kris Humphries:

Kim Kardashian’s divorce attorney has called a foul on her estranged husband, New Jersey Nets player Kris Humphries.

According to the Associated Press, Laura Wasser, representing Kardashian in the divorce proceedings, told a Los Angeles judge Friday she believes Humphries’ “personal feelings and maybe some media drive is keeping the case alive,” and added that the couple is now, by law, eligible for a divorce “since it has been more than six months since Kardashian filed her petition.” (The reality star, 31, filed her papers on October 31.)

“Certainly, they’ve been separated longer than they’ve been married,” Wasser added, emphasizing that Humphries is needlessly delaying the case. (Humphries’ attorneys counter that they require more time to gather information, in order to weigh the viability of pursuing an annulment, the route the NBA star hopes to take.)

Though both of their legal representation was present in the courtroom Friday, neither Kardashian or Humphries attended.

Sources close to Kim back up her attorney’s claim that Humphries is indeed the one holding up the case for him and his soon-to-be ex, now dating Kanye West.

“He’s doing anything he can to get her attention,” an insider revealed to Us Weekly. “She would grant a divorce in a second. But he won’t sign the papers. He won’t let go.”

Adds a second source close to the E! star, “He’s doing this to humiliate her, plain and simple. Kris wants to hurt her.”

[From Us Weekly]

I know some of you are on Team Humphries, but I’m not one of you. While I do think Kim is massive famewhore and idiot, Kris Humphries in an unmitigated tool. He’s been dragging this out for so long, people have stopped caring too.

I’m including some photos that Kim posted on her Twitter & Celebuzz pages two nights ago because she was “bored”. I do not like that busted wig on her. But she comes close to pulling off the boots. The closeup of that crazy shoe – those are the shoes that she “broke in” at the Night of Generosity Gala.

Photos courtesy of WENN, Kim’s Celebuzz page.

Here are some photos of Kanye West and Kim Kardashian from this past weekend that we simply never got around to talking about. I think this was Friday night in NYC. Kim and Kanye got pap’d (ha) coming out of a car, and Kanye’s pants were sliding off and I guess we were supposed to think that he and Kim were doing something dirty in the backseat. Which… I mean, I’ll go for some backseat bonin’ and all (I grew up in the South, y’all, most of my formative sexual experiences were in the backseats of cars), but I simply don’t buy that Kim and Kanye were doing anything that dirty. Kim’s leather pants look poured on – she probably needed the Jaws of Life to get her out of those things. My verdict: the most that happened in the backseat was a handy.

In other Kimye (eye-roll) news… well, there’s a lot. Bullet points? Sure!

*Hollywood Life says Kim is worried that Kanye is too controlling. A source tells HL, “Kanye is always asking her where she is and who she’s with. He’s always looking over her shoulder while she’s texting and asking her who she’s talking to. He’s being super controlling and she liked it at first but now she feels suffocated.” Er… that’s what happens when a dude knows you’re the kind of girl who will marry a dude you don’t love to further your famewhore, money-grabbing ways, all while cheating on your fiancé/husband! That was a complicated way of saying that Kanye knows Kim is a cheater – she already cheated on Kris Humphries WITH Kanye.

*Us Weekly claims that Kim and Kanye are “very serious” very quickly and that they’re ready to “pick out rings.” Just call her Jennifer Love Kardashian. A source tells Us Weekly, “they’re already talking marriage.” And Kim “wants to be with him as much as possible… They really know and love each other.” Thus, she’s coming on tour with ‘Ye and Jay-Z this summer. Because why not? Soon the Beyonce-Kim cage-fight will be upon us!

*In Touch Weekly has a weird story about Kim “falling for Kanye’s lies” because Kanye is “a player who’s been publicly accused of cheating” and a source says “he may be spoiling Kim and treating her like a princess, but he hasn’t changed. It’s all a lie!” Yeah, but when he was accused of cheating, wasn’t it by Amber Rose? And didn’t she claim he was cheating on her WITH Kim? Whatevs.

*OK Magazine put Kim on the cover and the story is completely weird and random and obviously false. They say Kim wants to adopt a baby from Armenia. At some point. And she wants a biological baby too, at some point. Blah.

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet.

Here are some new photos of Kim Kardashian, Kris and Bruce Jenner, Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom at yesterday’s E! Upfronts. All of the E! reality stars were in New York to do press and talk to advertisers and all of that good stuff. Ice-T and Coco were there too! I might cover them later. Anyway, Kim’s kat-face was super-jacked for the event, as you can see, but I actually think Khloe looks really good here. I like Khloe’s dress a lot. Here’s an Entertainment Tonight video of the Kardashians on the red carpet:

Khloe confirms that she and Lamar are NOT canceling their show, they’re merely “taking a break” this summer so that Lamar can focus on his career and such. Oh, and it looks like Lamar really, really wants to be put on the Olympic basketball team. Wait… no one has put together the American basketball team yet? WTF? The Olympics are only a few months away! Anyway, there are several reports indicating that Kris Jenner and Kim Kardashian are pissed off at Khloe for “taking a break” from her reality show, with Kim even cryptically tweeting, “It’s so frustrating watching someone close to you make all the wrong choices & decisions… But I guess u need to sit back & let them learn.” Still, I think it speaks volumes that the family showed up to do the upfronts together. It really sounds like Lamar needed a break, and needed to get his head together and Khloe wants her marriage to work. And isn’t that more important than reality programming?

Also, have you watched the video of these three grandmothers watching Kim’s p0rn with Ray J? It might be the best video ever!! You can see the video here at Gawker. “What’s taking him so long? He’s so young!” and “What is her problem? She’s just laying there.” And my favorite, “That’s Greek. That’s what the Greeks do.”

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet.

More photos from this weekend’s White House Correspondent’s dinner. I’m going to cover Sofia Vergara and Kim Kardashian’s fashion in this post. Kim wore a green velvet gown which – much like Lindsay Lohan’s ensemble – seemed too fussy and over-the-top for the event. But… I have to give Kim credit. She was dressed conservatively and appropriately for the event. She didn’t wear parachute pants or a too-small corset. She contained her curves and jacked up her kat-face for the event. Speaking of kat-faces…

Kim brought her mother along as her date. Is Kris Jenner just a cartoon at this point? Because her face is crazy. And I really don’t understand Kris’s hair here. Like, if Tilda had done this hair, I would love it. On Kris Jenner, it’s a katastrophe. There were also some reports that Kim was upset after being the “butt” of several jokes by Jimmy Kimmel (who referred to her as “the biggest threat to America”). I don’t know, though – Kim might play it up to get sympathy, but I doubt she was offended. She probably just enjoyed being name-checked. And yes, Kim (and Lindsay) were there by invitation of Fox News – Pres. Obama had nothing to do with these C-list famewhores at the event. Obama was a guest of the White House Press Corps Association (or whatever it’s called), and he spoke at the event because presidents always speak at the event, every single year. Stop blaming Obama for the Kardashians and the crackheads! He didn’t invite them.

I’m also including Sofia Vergara, who looked kind of rough, in my opinion. She looks kind of Botoxy, right? Maybe it’s just bad lighting. Her boyfriend, Nick Loeb, is some kind of heavy-hitter in Florida Republican politics, and Nick was Sofia’s date. Sofia also got name checked by Kimmel as an example of what Colombian women look like (in a joke about the Secret Service).

Photos courtesy of PR Photos and Pacific Coast News.

Here are some photos of Lindsay Lohan arriving in Washington, DC for the White House Correspondents’ Dinner, which was last night. We don’t have a lot of photos from the event (honestly, we don’t have any so far) – you can see some here. Lindsay was there, as was Kim Kardashian, Sofia Vergara, George Clooney, Steven Spielberg, etc. Guess what? George didn’t bring Stacy Keibler!!!! She had been tweeting about her dress fittings and everything, and then he didn’t bring her. Clooney told Politico, “She couldn’t make it. She’s working.” She got a gig on Men at Work, it’s true. But I still feel like there’s probably trouble in paradise.

Anyway, I watched the speeches last night, and I have to say… the president was hysterical. He was funnier than Jimmy Kimmel. Or should I say… the president has funnier speechwriters than Kimmel? No, I actually think the president is just a funny guy. I love when he laughs at his own jokes. I loved his Hillary Clinton “drunk-texting” joke, and his “wink” at being born in Hawaii, and I LOVED his super-PAC ad about dogs. Here’s Pres. Obama’s full speech… it’s worth watching the whole thing, but the fake commercial (voiceover by Will Arnett) begins around the 12-minute mark:

And here’s Jimmy Kimmel’s speech. Some of his jokes were really good, but some just fell flat. Kimmel also uses the word “a–hole” at one point, which… I mean, it doesn’t bug me, but usually the comedians try to keep it clean, especially considering most of the cable news networks are running it live. Also loved his jokes about the Secret Service, and his name-checking Kim Kardashian and even Lindsay Lohan. Love the joke about who Obama was going to kill next, on the year anniversary of Osama Bin Laden’s death.

See? Kimmel was funny, but the president was much better.

Here are some more photos from Twitter:

Sofia Vergara on WhoSay

Sofia Vergara on WhoSay

Photos courtesy of WENN, Sofia Vergara’s Twitter, Kim Kardashian’s Twitter.

These are some new photos of Kim Kardashian yesterday in NYC. They’re making the rounds because… er… yeah. I guess because of Kim’s pants? You know what? Go ahead and hate on me, but I actually like her pants. I like the whole outfit, honestly. I wish Kim would dress like this more often. She goes to the “ruffled mini-skirt” well too often, and she usually dresses like she honestly believes she’s a size 4. So, while I like these pants from the front and from the side, there is a not-so-little matter of the pants from the back:

Yeah. Not good. I’m not a big-booty hater (I have a big booty too). But this is just… unflattering. Whenever I ask “How did Kim get such a tiny waist and such an enormous ass?” everyone always says “Ass implants and lipo.” So… there you go.

In other Kardashian news, did you hear that Kim was also invited to this weekend’s White House Correspondents Dinner? Lindsay Lohan has already been confirmed as a guest of Fox News, and it looks like Fox News is really trying to outdo themselves this year, because they invited Kim too. Is this some kind of political message Fox is trying to send? Because I tend to think that Fox has just given Pres. Obama’s speechwriters a huge gift – the gift of Cracken and Kardashian jokes. Kim also came to the event in 2010… and quite honestly, Lindsay Lohan’s invitation still bugs me much more than Kim’s. Other celebrities who will be in attendance: George Clooney (and Stacy Keibler), Charlize Theron, Viola Davis and Josh Hutcherson.

Last Kardashian story – The Dirty & Media Takeout got their hands on a photo they claim is Kim WAY back in the day. If you go here and follow the NSFW links, you can see the nudie pic. Kim denies that it’s her, but I think it really looks like her. The interesting part? If the photo IS Kim, it proves that she had a boob job.

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet.

Ah, so much news about our Most Beautiful Woman in the World! Some of this stuff is too good to be true. So of course, I want to believe it. First off, remember how Kanye West looked at Kim Kardashian and he was all “Imma let you be my Beyonce, girl”? Well, Kanye denied that he ever said that, but we all know he totally thinks like that. Heat World now claims that Beyonce is having none of this Kim Kardashian nonsense. Bey has “banned” Kat-face from all of the ELITE A-list partying.

When you get a new boyfriend that often means that you also spend time with his mates and their girlfriends. If you’re Kim Kardashian that should mean spending time with Kanye West’s BFF Jay-Z and his wife Beyonce Knowles.

It should… However, heat magazine has learned that Beyonce isn’t keen on becoming pals with Kim and has banned her from her inner circle of friends which includes a-listers like Gwyneth Paltrow.

“Despite Kanye being one of Jay’s closest friends, Beyoncé wasted no time in banning Kim from being invited into their circle, which is exclusive to say the least,” a friend of Bey’s tells heat. “Beyoncé is used to hanging out with Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow – she’s in a totally different league to Kim.”

It’s bad news for Kim who is big fan of the pop diva, as she was hoping for lots of girlie bonding sessions with Beyonce,

“Kim had visions of her and Beyoncé hanging out while Jay and Kanye talked music and business,” heat’s source reveals, “but it’s not going to happen.”

It looks like Reality star Kim’s tell-all lifestyle clashes with the ultra-private Beyonce’s – who closely guards details of her own private life.

“Bey’s marriage to Jay-Z was extremely private, and neither of them confirmed it until long after the event. Kim, on the other hand, turned her wedding into a media circus and the whole thing was filmed for a Reality show. Bey thought that it was really tacky and is not a fan of Reality TV, either.”

[From Heat World]

I agree that Beyonce and Jay-Z are in a “different league” than Kim Kardashian. I also think this may be a plot by Bey and Jay to force Kanye to dump Kim Kardashian. Allegedly, Kanye does follow Jay’s lead in a lot of matters (their relationship seems to be big brother Jay to little brother ‘Ye), so if Jay and Beyonce are all “Kim’s not one of us,” maybe Kanye will reconsider Kim. That being said, if Beyonce can keep a straight face when Gwyneth Paltrow is going on and on and ON about her latest cleanse, maybe Beyonce could find it in herself to be polite to Kanye’s girlfriend?

In addition to that story, The Mail had more excerpts from Beyonce’s People Magazine interview for the “Most Beautiful” issue. These quotes were cracking me up!

Beyonce on her high heels: ‘I never thought there would be a day when I wouldn’t wear heels. Now that I have a child, I walk around holding her all day, I’m buying loafers and oxfords. I love them, because they’re comfortable, and shorter heels too. [Jay-Z] loves it when I wear flat shoes, which is surprising – he never saw me in flats before! He likes me more natural – just he relaxed, natural me.’

She does her own hair too: ‘I recently cut two inches myself – I just parted it in the middle and chh-chh-chh!’

On breastfeeding and workouts: Beyoncé also revealed how breast-feeding her little one for ten weeks helped her lose ‘the bulk’ of her pregnancy weight, but that she’s now on a strict-protein based diet. She now works out three times a week for 90 minutes, doing a combination of running, dancing and crunches. ‘I’m definitely softer, but I feel my body bouncing back,’ she says.

[Via The Mail]

Re: Jay-Z liking the “natural” Beyonce – have you seen photos of Beyonce with no makeup, and without her wigs and weaves and stuff? She’s stunning. Of course Jay likes that. Re: doing her own hair. HAHAHAHA. This coming from one of the most be-wigged women in the world. Girl, I ain’t buying it. As for the breastfeeding thing… is she saying she only breastfed for 10 weeks? Are you judging her, pro-breastfeeding advocates? My thought is… her body, her choice. I don’t think it really matters though, just because… you know. Coughthesurrogatewasbreastfeedingcough.

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet and Pacific Coast News.

The Kardashian siege is upon us. It is unrelenting. It is kat-faced. It is epic. And it’s expensive too. And now the siege will be upon us for three more seasons, guaranteed. Yesterday, TMZ reported that the Family Kardashian has signed on to do three more “seasons” of their reality show(s). Their contract? Worth $40 million… but that’s parceled out amongst Kris and her employees/family:

The Kardashian family has just signed on for 3 more seasons with E!, and it’s the richest deal ever in reality TV … TMZ has learned.

Sources connected with the deal tell us, the family will get more than $40 million for 3 more seasons of “Keeping Up with the Kardashians.” The 6th season of the show averaged 3 million viewers. The 7th season begins airing May 20.

Our sources say the $40-plus million deal does not include product endorsements and other items associated with the show that Kim, Kris and the rest of the brood are able to hock.

Update: Sources connected to the deal tell TMZ … Kim, Kourtney, Khloe, Kris and Bruce will get the lion’s share of the money … and they are each getting equal pay.

We’re told Kendall, Kylie and Rob are on a lower pay grade — and will be paid equally as well.

Scott Disick and his son Mason have a separate deal. Ditto for Lamar … who hammered out a package deal to appear in both “Khloe and Lamar” and “Keeping Up with the Kardashians.”

We’re told the new deal ONLY includes existing shows — so if Kim and Kanye get a new spinoff show … they will have to bang out a new contract for even MORE money.

[From TMZ]

Dear God. Well, I’m not going to tear my hair out about this. What does a “season” consist of for the Kardashians? Like, three months? I feel like they’re always premiering new “seasons”. And it’s not on me – I don’t watch the shows! (OK, sometimes I watch a few minutes of a Khloe & Lamar episode here and there.) But the Kardashians wouldn’t be getting paid like this unless people were buying and watching.

By the way, I’m also including some photos of Meow, the 39-pound cat who is being internationally fat-shamed. I just figured… if we’re going to see photos of a cat-face with a huge ass, why not Meow rather than Kim Kardashian? I wish Meow had his own reality show. I would totally watch that. Get on it, Seacrest.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

^^^^THIS^^^^ is my new favorite photo of Kanye West. This is the moment where all of Kanye’s demons came out to play. This is exact moment when Kanye tasted his own bile and self-destruction, his self-immolation through kat-faced fire. This is the moment when someone was all “Sup, ‘Ye, OMG KIM can I have your autograph OMG!!” Kanye, this is your future. Be warned.

Anyway, I’m just including some photos of Kanye and Kim from the past two nights. They’ve had two public date nights in a row. Kanye isn’t bothered by the cameras. He doesn’t mind being photographed with his girl. They even hold hands in public. So, what’s next for the couple? A BABY?

Their romance may only be three weeks old, but Kimye is already talking babies! Will Kim get pregnant before her sister Khloe?

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West both have babies on the brain, and she thinks he would make a great father! Apparently Kim, 32, already thought she’d be a mom by now, a close pal of Kim’s tells OK! Magazine.

She’s falling quick for the eccentric rapper and thinks he’ll be a “great father” especially with his love of kids and of his heavy involvement with foster care, adds the source.

The source also says Kanye, 34, is on the same boat as Kim: “He said one of his goals is to be a dad.”

As for their budding romance, Kim’s pal believes they’ll actually last, as they’ve already been friends for nearly a decade. “It looks like this could be for real.”

[From Hollywood Life]

I don’t really know what to say about this. I hope it’s just tabloid BS, or some story that Kris Jenner pushed onto OK! Mag. Kim is still married, remember that? And her estranged husband was the one who wanted a more “normal” life, he wanted Kim to be a wife and mother instead of a kat-faced famewhore, constantly on the shill. So… I don’t think Kim will be having a baby any time soon, although as soon as we say that, Kim will have an “oops” pregnancy and then she will GET ALL OF THE ATTENTION AND NO ONE WILL BE ABLE TO LOOK AWAY.

Photos courtesy of WENN, Fame/Flynet.

These are some photos of Kim Kardashian last night in NYC. She and her whole family walked the red carpet for the Scott Disick’s new restaurant, RYU (it’s Japanese food!). Anyway, Kim walked the carpet solo, but Kanye West also came to the event, and he and Kim posed together inside – you can see the photo here. Thoughts on Kim’s outfit? I know all of the fashionistas are going to scream at me and tell me that I’m obviously out of touch with current fashions and I’m “boring” etc, but I really don’t get why dust ruffles are “in” these days. From Emma Stone to Scarlett Johansson and now to Kim Kardashian, everybody is wearing peplums (fancy word for “dust ruffle”). They’re such an awful trend, and look at Kim’s dress – it would have been a really great LBD without the waist ruffle. As for Kim’s Kat-face… horrible. The Croydon facelift isn’t helping either. Look at her weird hairline!

In other Kardashian news, Kim and Khloe did an interview with Paper Magazine – you can read the full thing here. It’s really long and exhaustive and no one really needs to know that much about them. So here are some highlights:

Kim Kardashian is ubiquitous on the web — and for good reason.

“I think that the internet has brought on a different kind of celebrity. We are very well aware of who we are, and what our place is,” the 31-year-old reality star and businesswoman tells Paper. “We are so active on Twitter, on our Facebook pages — we are writing back, we are connecting. We enjoy it.”

The California native was “obsessed” with Friendster and MySpace in her teens, and now she regularly updates her Celebuzz blog and posts pictures to her Instagram account. Though she once set a Google alert for her name, she’s no longer interested in reading about herself online.

“I got rid of my old e-mail address, and they were on there. It was the big question in my mind: Do I add my Google alert to my new e-mail? I haven’t, and I just feel I have peace of mind now,” Kardashian says. “I would look at it all day long. It doesn’t consume me. I hardly look on the Internet like I used to.”

Unfortunately, Kardashian is sometimes forced to address vicious comments about her appearance and her personal life on Twitter. “I love writing them back. People will write me, ‘My phone battery lasts longer than Kim Kardashian’s marriage,’ and I’ll write back, ‘Oh, which phone is that?’”

“When people are so stupid, you just have to have fun with it,” she explains. “Someone [without a profile photo] will say I’m fat, or a hairy Armenian, and I’ll write back, ‘Oh, that egg picture of yours is so gorgeous.’”

[From Us Weekly]

Khloe says that having a Google alert for your own name is “toxic” – which I would have to agree with. How could you live like that if you were a celebrity? Responding emotionally to every single little thing that people say about you? Rough. As for Kim – she sounds pretty immature here, but I just assume that’s who she is in real life, so whatever.

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet.