It’s time for today’s first post about the ongoing Kardashian saga. Look, I get that some of you absolutely hate them, but your hate isn’t going to make us (or any other site) stop covering this divorce catastrophe. Besides the fact that it’s big gossip news, it’s also become legit news about E! and the future of the Kardashian brand. Meaning, the fallout from Kim’s quickie wedding and “sudden” divorce could backlash and end up hurting the Kardashian-Jenners. Isn’t that what you want? So pay attention!

So, my opinion is that Kris Jenner is really worried about what Kim’s divorce is doing to the “brand”. So Kim was sent out to do damage control – she posted a message on her blog called “A Message to My Fans”:

This is probably the hardest thing I’ve ever had to write. I see all of the support and I am so thankful for my fans, friends and family who are helping me through this difficult time.

I am trying not to read all the different media reports but it’s hard not to see all the negative ones. First and foremost, I married for love. I can’t believe I even have to defend this. I would not have spent so much time on something just for a TV show! I share so much of my life on a reality show, that contemplating whether to even film my wedding was a tough decision to make, and maybe it turned out to not be the smartest decision. But it’s who I am! We filmed Kourtney giving birth, Khloe getting married, break ups, make ups, our best moments and our worst moments. These were all real moments. That’s what makes us who we are. We share, we give, we love and we are open!

Everyone that knows me knows that I’m a hopeless romantic! I love with all of my heart and soul. I want a family and babies and a real life so badly that maybe I rushed in to something too soon. I believed in love and the dream of what I wanted so badly. I felt like I was on a fast roller coaster and couldn’t get off when now I know I probably should have. I got caught up with the hoopla and the filming of the TV show that when I probably should have ended my relationship, I didn’t know how to and didn’t want to disappoint a lot of people.

I’m being honest here and I hope you respect my courage because this isn’t easy to go through. But I do know that I have to follow my heart. I never had the intention of hurting anybody and I accept full responsibility for my actions and decisions, and for taking everyone on this journey with me. It just didn’t turn out to be the fairy tale I had so badly hoped for.

There are also reports that I made millions of dollars off of the wedding. These reports are simply not true and it makes me so sad to have to even clarify this. I’m so grateful to everyone who took the time to come to my wedding and I’ll be donating the money for all the gifts to the Dream Foundation.

I’m sorry if I have hurt anyone, but my dad always told me to follow my heart and I believe now that I really am.

[From Kim’s Blog]

“I want a family and babies and a real life so badly”…bulls–t. Kris was going to give her a chance to not be in the spotlight so much, to get pregnant and build her own family, and she just publicly rejected that. Maybe she really does want kids – but she wants them as an extension of her franchise, not because of some overwhelming maternal instincts, you know? She’s always going to choose her “brand” over “real life”.

Anyway, The Hollywood Reporter has a very interesting story about the “emergency meetings” that are going down at E!. Kim’s divorce filing “took everybody by surprise” and the meetings are to discuss both Kourtney and Kim Take New York and Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami, which have both wrapped. Meaning, E!’s cameras aren’t following Kim currently, so if there ever is a “very special Kardashian divorce special,” you know that everything was just staged, okay? A source tells THR that “the New York show has filmed a scene in which the couple decides to ‘take a break.’” Oh, and now E! is considering pulling all of the reruns of the wedding special too.

So, of course, the pimp mother has to get involved, considering it involved her daughters and MONEY. Kris Jenner went on a radio show yesterday and defended Kim, saying: “She made a decision based on whatever feelings she had. I didn’t interrogate her. She’s not the first person in the world to get a divorce or to have something like this happen to, and she won’t be the last … People have to stop judging… Kim needed to make a very difficult decision and she needed to do that on her own. She’s not five years old. She’s a 30-year-old woman who definitely needs my support right now … It’s not something that she thought would ever not be happily ever after… For whatever reason, Kim felt [divorce] was the decision for her. I can’t judge her and I can’t speculate.” Ruh roh. It sounds like Kris is concerned that Kim is damaging the brand too, right?

Photos courtesy of WENN.

More information about Kim Kardashian’s Very Special Halloween Divorce Special. First, the above photo is new – Kim flying into Sydney, Australia without her wedding ring. Did you also know that Kim’s divorce filing occurred on a symbolic date for her and Kris Humphries? They met for the first time on Halloween on 2010. And exactly one year later, she filed for divorce. Epic. Here’s more from the million stories today (I previously covered Kim and Kris’s statements and stuff earlier this morning here):

*A source tells Radar that neither Kris not Kim were in love with each other. “There was affection” but no love. Kim was still in love with Reggie Bush when she first met Kris, and she’s probably still in love with Reggie now. Kim hoped that she and Kris would develop love for each other after they went through with their “arranged marriage”.

*Although Kim didn’t “love” Kris, she is “in love with love.” A source tells Us Weekly that Kim merely got “swept up”. Like a famewhore tsunami.

*Kim realized that they had rushed into marriage two weeks into the marriage. Sad, sad dumbass.

*Kim got upset because Kris was turning into such a famewhore. Takes one to know one.

*So how did Kim “fake it,” asks Radar? She continued to wear her wedding ring, she was always lying to media outlets and her fans, telling people that they were really happy together. She even claims she’d move wherever Kris needed to move for work: “I would go to Oklahoma City [if the Thunder signed Kris] … we’re not going to live a separate life.”

*People Mag discusses a preview of Kim & Kourtney Take NYC (or whatever) and apparently, during the filming of the show, Kim whines about potentially moving to Minnesota. Kris tells her that once she pops out a few babies, no one is going to give a crap about her anymore, so what’s the big deal?

*People Magazine also blames “media scrutiny” as one of the reasons why the marriage failed. Because it’s not like Kim invited the media into every single thing she does, ever. It’s not like she didn’t arrange to get pap’d on her honeymoon. Ridic.

*My favorite reason for why they split up: because Kris tried to “quit the show”. He also told Kim that if she didn’t move to Minnesota with him, he would publicly dump her.

Photos courtesy of Fame & Pacific Coast News.

I’m sure this will be one of twenty million Kim Kardashian-related posts today, so just bear with all of us. Yesterday, as everybody on planet earth knows, Kim Kardashian filed for divorce after “making it work” for a grueling 72 days. I should point out that this is the advice I gave Kim last week – that if everything stayed in the holding pattern of “Kim is miserable, Kris Humphries is such a douche,” everybody was going to get bored with them, so they needed to just split up officially. So… it looks like Kim took my advice? Perhaps. Here’s some other stuff that happened, in convenient bullet points:

*Kris Humphries released a statement after Kim announced that she was filing for divorce. The statement read: “I love my wife and am devastated to learn she filed for divorce. I’m committed to this marriage and everything this covenant represents. I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make it work.” Ooooh, somebody’s playing it for sympathy!

*Kim is going to be traveling a lot in the next few weeks. She’s in Australia right now and then she’s going to be in Atlanta to begin filming with Tyler Perry.

*You can read the divorce filing here. Kim filed in California, and most California divorces take a breezy 6 months to complete. So… the divorce will go on longer than the marriage.

*Kim released a statement as well. She told E! News: “After careful consideration, I have decided to end my marriage. I hope everyone understands this was not an easy decision. I had hoped this marriage was forever, but sometimes things don’t work out as planned. We remain friends and wish each other the best.”

*Kim has a pre-nup, but a potential asset fight could be looming, because Kim and Kris made so much money from their wedding. In the divorce filing, Kim listed “miscellaneous jewelry and other personal effects” and “earnings and accumulations” amassed by Kim before, during and after her marriage be confirmed as separate property. Meaning she might be trying to claim all of the wedding profits as hers alone, plus all of the jewelry that Kris “gave” her, including her 20.5 carat diamond engagement ring.

That’s all for now, but I’m sure there will be more to come!

Photos courtesy of WENN.

As I already talked about, Kim Kardashian is filing for divorce today, right now, of this very moment. Ryan Seacrest has confirmed the news (he produces their shows), and every media outlet is running it, so it’s on. TMZ says that she’s going to be citing “irreconcilable differences” which is funny because how “irreconcilable” is anything after only 72 days? It’s not like they’re being tortured, you know? “Oh, I just don’t know how much longer I can go to parties and have my photograph taken with my husband! IT’S TORTURE.” Anyway, now we get to play the fun game of “Why Are they Really Splitting Up?”

*Theory #1: TMZ claims that the fight that led to divorce was about Kris Humphries wanting to move back to Minnesota. TMZ claims, “We’re told Kris was passionate about eventually settling down in Minnesota, where he’s from … and believed Kim was on board with the plan. She wasn’t. Sources tell us Kim — who’s from L.A. — wants to stay near her family … and she also feels that staying in town is the best thing for her career.”

*Theory #2: Us Weekly’s sources say that Kris “isn’t drinking the Kardashian Kool-Aid” and it was causing major problems because he wouldn’t just fall in line. Also, he’s bored and doing nothing because of the lockout, and it was driving Kim crazy.

*Theory #3: Kim and Kris were living in NYC with Kourtney, Scott and Mason-Dixon. Kim told People that the living situation was “not ideal” for newlyweds.

*Theory #4: Kim is already boning someone else. Hollywood Life thinks it might be Linnocent’s old john, Vikram Chatwal. Reggie Bush is probably in the mix too. Or what about that dude Kim was already sexting while she was engaged?

*Theory #5: It was always just a dumb lie, a storyline promoted for the reality show. It was all for ratings and money and famewhoring and gifts and freebies and an excuse to throw a party. It was all business.

*Theory #6: This is my theory – it wasn’t all a lie, just mostly a lie. I think that Kim didn’t really love Kris, but thought he was easy-going enough to be married to for a short time. I think the basic thing, the crux of all of this is that Kim simply wanted to have a wedding. She wanted to plan a wedding and wear a white dress. She didn’t think about anything beyond “walking down the aisle”.

Also: I can’t believe I was right about a “A Very Kardashian Divorce: The Kardashian Khristmas Special”. Except maybe this one will be a Thanksgiving special. In any case, they didn’t make it to the end of the year, so I win.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

UPDATE: Everything below is what I wrote earlier this morning, just because I don’t want to write a whole post, here’s the new story – TMZ claims that Kim is going to file for divorce from Kris Humphries. Their marriage has last 72 days thus far. The basics, via TMZ:

Kim Kardashian will file for divorce this morning, after 72 days of not-so-wedded bliss to Kris Humphries … TMZ has learned.

We’re told even though the marriage was short, she will not seek an annulment. It’s a garden variety divorce, in which Kim cites “irreconcilable differences.”

We’re told the date of separation is listed as today, Oct. 31, 2011.

Kim has hired disso-queen Laura Wasser, who has repped the likes of Britney Spears, Maria Shriver, Angelina Jolie, Ryan Reynolds, and Robyn Gibson, Mel’s almost ex-wife.

As we first reported, the couple has a prenuptial agreement … Kim made sure of that.

Rumors of a split had been swirling for some time and the two were spotted out to dinner earlier this week … looking less than pleased with one another.

Good.

UPDATE: People Magazine is confirming it now. Kat-face Kardashian is so, so dumb.

****************

Here’s the previous post:

As I discussed yesterday, Kim Kardashian went to a big NYC Halloween party dressed up as Poison Ivy. Some of you wondered if Kris Humphries had gone as Lurch (funny), but as it turns out, Kris was nowhere to be seen. Kim’s date for the party was her friend Jonathan Cheban, who dressed up as Robin (with a wonky crotch area). So where was Kris? Page Six claims that Kris was scheduled to appear, but he flew home to Minnesota at the last minute. Given the rumors about the state of Kim and Kris’s marriage, it’s interesting:

Kim Kardashian hit the New York party scene over the weekend, but again her new husband, Kris Humphries, was nowhere to be seen. On Saturday night, Humphries did a disappearing act as Kim hosted a Midori party at Lavo in Midtown.

Dressed as Poison Ivy in a green bustier outfit and red wig, she stuck close to her friend Jonathan Cheban, the ultimate sidekick dressed as Robin. Sources told us Humphries “was supposed to there but flew home to see his family in Minnesota instead.”

Yesterday Kim flew to Australia, but her original flight was canceled, so she had to drive late Saturday night after the party to Philadelphia to get a flight out from there. Friday night Kim, still sans hubby, told us she was sad to miss her nephew Mason all dolled up for Halloween. She told us at Vikram Chatwal’s 40th birthday dinner at Romera that she was off Down Under and wouldn’t be able to see little Mason, who is in Los Angeles with his mother, Kourtney Kardashian, in costume.

[From Page Six]

Sidenote: Vikram Chatwal is the married millionaire dude who was rumored to be paying Linnocent’s bills for a while in NYC. Meaning, Vikram is one of LL’s johns. Anyway, back to Kim. She might have flown to Australia yesterday, but not before she and her sisters made an appearance in LA on Extreme Home Makeover (photos below).

Also, when Kim was asked about her husband by Us Weekly, she replied, “Oh, he’s in Minnesota… Being in New York for a couple of months, I went to L.A. to unpack, and he had to go and bring all his stuff to unpack in Minnesota. It’s always tough when you’re apart. But we do what we can to try and spend time together and make that time for each other.” Kris is still unemployed because of the NBA lockout, and Us Weekly’s sources claim: “They are not getting along at all. She told him he need to do something productive. He needs to get off his ass, like, yesterday.”

Meanwhile, Hollywood Life’s sources say that during the Halloween party, Kim “looked bored, worried and sad… she seemed sad, delicate” and “she was basically going through the motions.” So, is Kris in Minnesota because he just wanted to see his family and spent time packing/unpacking? Or is it because he and Kim are already living very separate lives?

Photos courtesy of WENN & Fame.

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It’s super “dead” today, mwahaha so we may as well cover The Today Show mocking the Kardashians over the weekend. When I first started watching this video I assumed that the anchors dressed up as The Kardashians today on Halloween, but they did the Royal Wedding. These were the weekend Today Show hosts.

This shows that the Today Show is willing to make fun of these people and their constant in-your-face promotion, which is surprising to me since Khloe and Kim cohosted the second half of the show just last month. I credit this guy for getting the ball rolling.

There was a preening Khloe, who stood “seven feet tall,” according to red carpet commentator Melissa Rivers, a fake Kourtney toting a little pretend Mason doll, and a Kim lookalike who stuck her ass out and talked about how “huge” her family is. They even did a fake “Keeping up With the Kardashians” promotional video. Throughout it all, the Kardashian kopiers fussed with their hair and made dumb faces. Here’s more on who was who:

The weekend TODAY team celebrated Halloween a bit early this year with a Kardashian red-carpet affair – hosted by the one and only Melissa Rivers!

Lester dressed up in his finest tank top to pull of Bruce Jenner’s Olympic look. He was joined by Janice Huff, who dressed up as Kris Jenner.

Amy was Kim Kardashian and Jenna was Khloe. CNBC’s Melissa Francis joined the gang as Kourtney.

Whose costume was most convincing during Weekend TODAY’s Halloween Extravaganza? Vote on Facebook.
And what does it take to pull off dressing up like the Kardashians? The real-life family gave our anchors some pointers.

[From The Today Show]

The only thing these costumes sorely lacked would be an accurate representation of their pulled, plastic faces. These people look way too normal to be Kardashians. They definitely have the mannerisms and absurdity of this family down, though.

It was clear there were no hard feelings. The Kardashians gave them advice on how to dress up as a K for Halloween. Kim’s deep thoughts: “I think as long as you have three girls together, dark long hair, big booties, lots of lashes you’re good to go.” It’s all promotion for this family, and compared to how they got their start this isn’t embarrassing for them at all. It takes a complete lack of shame to reach that level of famewhoring.

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This is the woman who played Kim, Amy Robach!

I’m not some huge fan of Halloween, mostly because I’m not one of those people who enjoy being scared. I get freaked out pretty easily – I was traumatized by Creepshow as a child, and Paranormal Activity as an adult. It’s even difficult for me to watch the “Best of Horror Films” specials, because even the brief clips of scary movies freak me out. The area that I live in has a decent number of kids, but they don’t even get to go trick-or-treating like I used to – most Halloweens, the local churches throw parties for the kids, so they won’t be out on the streets. So I don’t even get to enjoy handing out candy, unfortunately.

But! I do enjoy looking at costumes. I admire the work, the time, the effort some people take into dressing up for Halloween. But things have changed since I was a kid – now, every adult woman seems to use Halloween as an excuse to get dressed up in a “slutty” version of a costume. Here are two great examples – Slutty Marie Antoinette versus Slutty Poison Ivy. Otherwise known as AnnaLynne McCord versus Kim Kardashian.

I think I’m going to give Kim credit for keeping her costume pretty true to the character, plus the Poison Ivy dress looks very well-made. AnnaLynne as Marie Antoinette… YIKES. And she and her sisters all did the “period” costumes too, so they look like corpse extras from Dangerous Liaisons. I give AnnaLynne points for originality (I guess), but I give Kim points for actually looking better/cuter.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Yesterday, we had even more evidence that Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries are headed for a split sooner rather than later: allegedly, Kris wants out of filming the reality shows. He thinks Kim isn’t getting paid enough, and he’s tired of cameras around them all of the time. Just know this: I almost fell asleep writing those three sentences, and it had nothing to do with the antihistamines I’m on. So, where are we today? Kim & Kris and their drama have taken the covers of Us Weekly and OK! Magazine. Here are some highlights, in convenient bullet points:

* Kris Humphries “is doing everything he can to save their marriage” says OK! Magazine. After a fight earlier this month, “Kris apologized to Kim over and over again. He admitted he was totally in the wrong and actually said, ‘Don’t leave me.’ It was pretty desperate, but then again, he needed to say something dramatic to make her realize he was serious.”

*During Kim’s birthday party last weekend, she and Kris seemed “troubled” and they didn’t even hold hands. A source tells OK!: “I noticed Kris didn’t hold Kim’s hand, which seemed strange to me.”

* Kim hates cleaning up after Kris. She told OK!: “I used to clean up all of his stuff, but now I am like, ‘Okay, you have got to get it together. You really have to pick up after yourself now. That’s been a challenge. He likes to be a little lazy, though he wasn’t as lazy before.”

*Kris picks on Kim’s sisters: “Kris has a mean streak. He can be cruel, a jerk; he doesn’t get that what he does has consequences and that people can have their feelings hurt. He says whatever comes to his mind.”

*Kris is promising not to cheat on Kim: “Kris is saying that he will never so much as look at another woman again if Kim stays with him. He is really shaken by the idea of possibly losing her. Kris is so different from the Kardashians. I don’t know what will happen. Kim may eventually realize that she rushed too soon into this marriage.”

*Us Weekly’s source says that Kim and Kris “are not getting along at all,” and that “Kris is not drinking the Kardashian Kool-Aid, and it’s causing major problems.”

*Kris is partying a lot while Kim “works”. Kim is paying the bills too. They had a fight just before her birthday, says a friend: “They had it a out! She told him he need s to do something productive…He needs to get off his ass, like, yesterday.”

*Kim made a huge mistake: “On some levels,” says the friend, “she feels like she made a mistake.”

[From OK! Magazine, Hollywood Life & Us Weekly]

But! Kim’s family are publicly defending Kris in new interviews.

Whatever. Katface unhappy with douchebag, news at seven. Kim only married Kris because she simply wanted to be married (to anyone). She didn’t have strong feelings for Kris either way, but it’s funny to see both Kris and Kim try to act like they’re SO in love and they have to “fight” for their relationship.

Photos courtesy of Fame.

More fodder for the “Seriously, Kim Kardashian’s marriage isn’t going to make it to Christmas” storyline. Life & Style’s cover story this week is all about Kris Humphries being “uncomfortable” with the cameras that now follow him around endlessly. As in, not the paparazzi, but the actual cameras that are in his home, filming him for Kim & Kris’s Very Special Divorce: The Kardashian Khristmas Special. Apparently, Kris has laid down the law with Kim, telling her that if the cameras are going to be in their home, they need to be getting more money, and if not, he’s only going to PRETEND to be her husband for a few more weeks. The whole idea of “Kris standing up for himself” is apparently a turn-on for Kim. Gross. I imagine that Kim’s “turned on” kat-face is really disgusting.

Wherever Kim Kardashian goes, a camera crew follows. So you’d think that her husband, Kris Humphries, would know what he was getting himself into. But insiders tell Life & Style that the pro basketball player is so uncomfortable with the camera crews constantly trailing the couple’s every move that he’s threatening not to appear in the next season of Keeping Up With the Kardashians.

“Kris wants out of filming,” an insider exclusively tells Life & Style. “They’ve had no time without a camera. He knows he signed up for this, but I think it’s weighed on him.”

And it’s not like being on the show is good for business. “Kris makes only about $20,000 per episode,” the pal says. “He wants more to make it worthwhile!”

Another insider says that he’s so fed up, Kris was firm about his needs and told his wife: “‘I’ll only be your little TV husband for a few more weeks.”

But fans of the show know that Kris says whatever he wants, whenever he wants. “Kris is really the only person who stands up to her,” a pal adds. “He says no when everyone else says yes.”

While her husband’s stubbornness causes tension between them, it also gives Kim a reality check. “I think secretly it challenges her and turns her on. No one says no to her except Kris. It frustrates her, but it ignites her.”

And Kim knows she’ll have to give up some control for things to work. As she admitted to Life & Style, “Marriage is about compromise and communication.”

[From Life & Style]

I doubt that Kim is turned on by Kris standing up to her. I bet it makes her wish she was back with Reggie Bush. But I think Kim wants to be with Reggie almost every hour of every day.

Anyway, how much longer is this marriage going to last? People will get tired of this “storyline” if things stay this douchey status quo, with Kris being labeled the bad guy and Kim acting poor and pitiful. I think Kim is too full of herself to admit that marrying Kris was a huge mistake… but I guarantee that she’s looking for a way out. Christmas divorce, or will they make it into 2012?

Cover courtesy of Life & Style, additional photos by WENN.

Kim Kardashian: Actress. How does that sound? How does that feel coming out of your mouth? It feels like vom, right? Well, Kim Kardashian is not content to simply have acting credits that include “Ray J’s on-screen sex partner” and “Dancing With the Stars failure”. Kim Kardashian is now accepted as an ACTRESS. Tyler Perry just hired her for a supporting role in his new movie! Oh, Tyler. Girl, we need to talk.

In what amounts to her most substantial acting role so far, Kim Kardashian has signed on to costar in The Marriage Counselor, the Lionsgate film Tyler Perry will next direct, based on his stage play. Shooting begins October 26 in Atlanta. The film tells the story of Judith, an Ivy League-educated relationship expert who makes her living dispensing marital advice, but is so bored with her own marriage that she breaks her professional code and cheats with a smooth talking client only to realize she has made a huge mistake. Jurnee Smollett plays the marriage counselor and Kardashian will play Ava, a co-worker who gives Judith a big city makeover and new confidence as she struggles with her personal issues. Kardashian previously played roles in the films Deep in the Valley and Disaster Movie.

[From Deadline]

Now, I’ve long defended Tyler Perry. One of the best things about Perry is that he consistently writes challenging characters for women of color, and he’s committed to hiring actresses that Hollywood has often ignored. But seriously – Kim Kardashian? WTF? Was he just *that* blown away by her greasy performance in “Jam (Turn It Up)”?

By the way, Kim was still in NYC, as was Kris Humphries, even after he was seen “moving out” on Thursday. They celebrated her 31st birthday at The Darby on Friday in NYC, and then last night they were in Las Vegas together. You can read more about that BS here.

Photos courtesy of WENN.