I think Kim Kardashian and I used to have nearly the same bra size. But not so much these days. Now that she’s pregnant, her poor tatas just keep getting bigger and bigger, and I feel her pain. It’s a pain in the ass to strap my girls down for workouts – I wear a minimizer AND a sports bra, and quite honestly, that works for me. If my girls were spilling out, with my cup running over like Kim, I wouldn’t be able to work out. I wouldn’t be able to focus. Seriously, how can she work out with her boobs out like that? Can’t she find a good, full-coverage sports bra in her size? Anyway, these are new pics of Kim leaving the gym yesterday. She’s one of those girls who does matchy-matchy gym outfits.

In other Kim news, TMZ has another pro-Kardashian story about Kim’s divorce shenanigans. Apparently, Kris Humphries wanted access to all of Kim’s private, closed-account emails:

Kim Kardashian has undeniably had problems with males, but not mails … because she just blocked Kris Humphries from getting his hands on her personal writings.

Kim’s lawyer, disso-queen Laura Wasser, was in court this AM … objecting to Kris’ demand to see various emails Kim sent on some closed accounts. The hearing was supposed to go down May 2, but Kris’ lawyer asked the judge today to hear it today … the judge said no.

Here’s Kris’ problem … The trial is supposed to start on May 6. Even if the judge orders her to turn over the emails when Kris’ motion is heard on May 2 … she’d have 10 days to deliver the goods. By then the divorce case will be over. Translation — even if Kris wins, he loses.

And that’s all she wrote.

[From TMZ]

So, it’s not that so much that the judge sided with Kim, it’s just that the judge didn’t want to push up a hearing date so that Kris would possibly have access to Kim’s emails before their divorce trial. Which is fine with me, anything to make this divorce case go faster. I think it was a big mistake for Kris to not even bother showing up to the settlement conference thing last Friday – I think the judge is still punishing Kris for that.

Radar also has a story about Kim admitting (under oath!) that she and Kanye have spent more time apart than together over the past year. Kanye has absconded to Paris and he’s not coming back any time soon. Poor Kat-Face.

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet.

Here are some photos of Kim Kardashian at last night’s MTV Movie Awards. I don’t know you guys, I think she looks pretty good here. The dress fits, she’s not falling out of it or hanging out of it, it’s an appropriate length and the black is flattering. I’m calling this a total win for Kim. Kim has also really popped and I think her baby bump does a lot to balance out her butt. Suddenly, she looks proportional!

By the way, have you heard all of this stuff about Kanye West camping out in Paris and how he and Kim have barely seen each other in the past few months? Well, I know you’ve heard about it because you guys are always telling me that. I guess I didn’t realize that Kanye has basically been in Paris for months now, and the only way Kim sees him is if she flies TO him. Which sucks if you’re pregnant. Well, over the weekend there was a renewed flurry of stories about Kim “wanting to give birth in Paris”. Yeah.

As Kim Kardashian struggles with criticism of her pregnancy fashion, Ray J’s ‘diss’ track “I Hit It First” and painful divorce proceedings, baby daddy Kanye West is living it up in Paris and is seriously considering moving there full-time, says a source.

“Kanye is loving Paris and is having a great time there working on his album,” the insider tells Page Six. “He’d like to move there.”

West has been in the French capital since Fashion Week in February. Whispers of him making a permanent move there first surfaced in March, with claims that Kim would also move to be with the kilt-wearing rapper so he can finish his sixth studio album and start his next fashion line. A report yesterday said Kardashian’s now even considering giving birth in gay Paree.

But Kardashian, who Page Six reported is due mid-June, has not packed up — nor is she leaving her LA-based family and reality TV empire — to join the singer full-time.

On Tuesday, she was spotted out and about with West in Paris, where she’s been shuttling back and forth from LA to see him since she had a miscarriage scare while flying back to California last month.

Sources told us at the time that doctors had ordered her to slow down on her jet-set lifestyle. On Friday, Kim was back in court in LA for a hearing aimed at settling her increasingly nasty divorce with Nets player Kris Humphries — who did not show up.

Meanwhile, on Thursday, West, who has not visited Kardashian in LA since his move to Paris, joined Yasiin Bey (formerly Mos Def) onstage during his concert in France to perform the song “Can’t Tell Me Nothing.”

Representatives for Kanye and Kim had no comment.

[From Page Six]

TMZ said something similar yesterday – that while she was in Paris last week, Kim “stopped into a hospital specifically to scope out the maternity ward.” Kim is interested in moving to Paris because – hahaha you won’t believe this – “Paris has strict anti-paparazzi laws.” Um, really, Kim? More likely, she wants to move to Paris because Kanye has all but abandoned her and she wants to force him to participate. Good God.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Here are some photos of Kim Kardashian leaving court on Friday – I know I could make fun of this outfit, but I actually don’t think it’s the worst thing ever. Her hair sucks (I hate when she slicks her hair back, always), but the outfit is meh – neither incredibly flattering nor unflattering. Kim was in court because the judge ordered she and Kris Humphries to a “mandatory settlement conference” before their divorce case goes to trial. I’m assuming this was the last-ditch effort by all legal parties to settle this thing without having to go to trial. We have photos of Kim because she showed up, on time and per the judge’s instructions. Kris Humphries did NOT.

TMZ says that all parties knew what the other side wanted before they were even supposed to meet. Kris is still asking for Kim to pay him $7 million. Kim says NO WAY and she’s demanding Kris pay all of her legal bills because this has taken so long. So… it’s pretty obvious that they weren’t going to work something out, so why even come to court, right? Well, the judge still ordered it and the judge was pretty pissed that Kris didn’t come. TMZ had an insidery story about what was happening Thursday night, and apparently Kris was at a New York hotel and he was “extremely upset”. But Radar says Kris “didn’t attend the proceeding because the Brooklyn Nets [were] playing the Indiana Pacers in Indianapolis.” Eh?

If it’s true that 80 percent of success is just showing up, Kim Kardashian is already one victory ahead of Kris Humphries in their ongoing divorce battle. The reality star and her estranged basketball-playing husband were supposed to face off in court on Friday, April 12, at a mandatory settlement conference in L.A. — but sources tell Us Weekly that Humphries, 28, was a no-show.

UPDATE: According to one insider, the judge at the settlement hearing was “furious” that the Brooklyn Nets athlete didn’t show and said it was like he was “mocking” the court system. “Kim showed up pregnant!” the source tells Us. “He’s just wasting everyone’s time at this point…The judge is furious. So disrespectful.”

Fortunately for Humphries, there will be a different judge presiding over the official trial next month. Since no settlement was reached on Friday, the estranged couple will go to court on May 6; a source says the process is expected to take around five days.

Kardashian, for her part, was present and accounted for, though a source tells Us she seemed nervous and fidgeted with her hands a little. Photographed leaving the courthouse, the six-months-pregnant star kept her look appropriately understated, wearing a long, light-colored blouse and white dress pants.

Friday’s settlement hearing was supposed to bring the former lovebirds together so they could try to hash out a resolution before their scheduled May 6 trial date. Kardashian filed for divorce from Humphries in October 2011 after just 72 days of marriage; he countered with annulment based on fraud.

Earlier this week, Kardashian and her legal team filed their witness list for the upcoming trial. According to court records (via E! News), her mom, Kris Jenner, is among those expected to testify, along with lawyers, managers, and even Humphries himself. The NBA player has not yet filed his list.

[From Us Weekly]

Hot mess. Yeah, Kim won this battle, whatever it was. It seems like Kris is using the “basketball” excuse for a lot of stuff recently. Didn’t he also miss Kim’s deposition after he made such a big deal about coming “face to face” with her and blah blah blah? Sounds like Ol’ Basketball Humphries is the one who is nervous. Sounds like Kim has all of her legal ducks in a row. BTW: Kim’s divorce lawyer, Laura Wasser, has represented some really big celebrity ladies. Wasser was Angelina Jolie’s divorce lawyer! She’s good, is what I’m saying.

Here are some photos of Kim promoting her fragrance “Glam” in Las Vegas last night. She looks pretty in red, but her lips are driving me crazy and that dress does nothing for her. I hate to say it, but she needs more v-necks in her life.

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet.

Here is a good example of the ongoing coverage of Kim Kardashian’s pregnancy weight – In Touch Weekly’s cover story this week about Kim “getting paid to get fat”. The cover story is full of lines from insiders claiming things like “She knows what she’s doing by showing off her heavier figure and stuffing her face in public. The more she looks heavy and out of control with her eating, the more she will be worth. Everything Kim does is on purpose.” Basically, the point of the story is that for the Kardashians, any business is good business, and any attention, good or bad, helps the brand. Which I actually believe, despite Kim’s cries and whines to the contrary. Kim’s empire is a house of cards built on attention, famewhoring and pandering to the least common denominator. It’s a living. And a profitable one at that.

But here’s what bugs me – when Kim is held up as some kind of One Of Us Victim. That’s exactly what Gloria Steinem is doing now – Us Weekly spoke to Steinem at an event last week, and they asked her what she thought of the whole “Kim Kardashian looks really big while pregnant” story. Gloria’s reaction was… ugh.

Sometimes help comes from the most unexpected of places. As Kim Kardashian fights back against critics who call her fat, stars including Gwyneth Paltrow, Helena Christensen, and Jenna Dewan-Tatum have rushed to her defense, saying it’s “despicable” to bully a pregnant woman for her weight. And now the reality star can add another name to her list of unlikely allies: Gloria Steinem.

Us Weekly caught up with the famed feminist on April 5 at the 4th Annual Diane Von Furstenberg Awards in New York City, where she voiced her opinion about the recent scrutiny over Kardashian’s ever-evolving curves, and about society’s attitude toward pregnant women in general.

“Our bodies are never public property under any circumstance,” the 79-year-old activist told Us. “It’s wrong, and people in the street who feel the right to touch a pregnant woman’s belly ought to be arrested for harassment. Our bodies belong to us, and if we don’t invite touching, we shouldn’t tolerate it.”

Steinem added that the mistreatment of any woman for her appearance, Kardashian included, doesn’t just hurt the victim — it hurts society as a whole. Criticizing people’s bodies, she said, devalues both their brains and ours.

“If our bodies are treated as ornaments instead of instruments, that’s because we are rebelling because it’s an effort to distract us,” she explained. “So don’t be distracted. Why bother getting caught up in that?”

[From Us Weekly]

As I’ve said many times before, I hate when everyone talks about Kim being “fat”. I hated it when some people did it to Jessica Simpson too, and I find Jessica to be WAY more sympathetic a figure than Kim. I believe “Our bodies are never public property under any circumstance” except for one circumstance: when the woman puts her body, her life, her family and everything else up for sale. When she puts every piece of herself up for public consumption. When her brand is built on a sex tape, bikini photos and a pregnancy. When she’s given us a price for her body – and that price is that we simply pay attention to her and have an opinion of her. That’s why I don’t understand how I, a woman who self-identifies as a feminist, should feel any feminist outrage at the way Kim is being treated in the media. Because she loves every second of it. Because every time we talk about her, that’s money in the bank for her. Because she’ll get the last laugh.

Oh, do you want to hear a less serious Kardashian story? This is from Star Magazine – Kim Kardashian is “forcing” Kanye West to laser away every hair on his body! Kim has been “dragging” Kanye to the salon ever since they started dating because “Kim wants to make sure every hair is gone.” She’s “obsessed” with laser hair removal and her “entire body is hairless”. Kanye seems “happy to oblige as long as it makes Kim happy.” That’s so gross. Ew.

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet and WENN.

Please stand up and give a slow clap to Kim Kardashian. Look at this flattering outfit! Amazing. This just goes to show that Kim sometimes chances upon a full-length mirror and decides to dress for her real shape, not the delusional shape that she thinks she is. Black, stretchy material? Check. Flattering leggings that actually fit? Check. Proportionally showing off her assets (in the form of some cleavage)? Check. And a long, appropriate cardigan/spring jacket that covers the biggest problem area? Check. This outfit might actually believe that she’s somewhat close to 151 pounds. No joke! Also: she just looks so much better without bangs. Seriously.

Anyway, Kim’s divorce trial is coming up in less than a month. Expect several weeks’ worth of legal shenanigans being played out in TMZ and Radar. Right now, we’ll just have to make due with this OMG Breaking News that Kim is going to call Kris Humphries as a witness. Which basically means Kim’s lawyer will probably rip him to shreds. “Um… basketball?”

Kim Kardashian just filed her divorce witness list … and it’s now clear as can be — Kim’s lawyer is calling a bunch of witnesses who were involved in the prenup to show Kris knew EXACTLY what he was getting into before saying “I do.”

As you know, Kris is claiming he was defrauded into marrying Kim … left in the dark about her true intentions. But now we know 6 witnesses will testify that Kris was actively involved in every detail surrounding the prenup.

In fact, sources connected with the couple tell us … Kim and Kris were constantly bickering over details in the prenup and that he was as interested in the business of marriage as she was.

Among the witnesses … 2 managers who were heavily involved in the prenup, at least one lawyer involved in the document and a court reporter who was present when the prenup was signed.

There are other witnesses who will testify about the prenup, including Kim and Kris Jenner.

Short story — the mission of Kim’s lawyer is clear — Kris went into this eyes wide open.

[From TMZ]

Yep. Go ahead and yell at me. I shall be awash in your hatred and convoluted conspiracies and it will only make me stronger!!!!!!! I just don’t understand how Kris Humphries has a legal leg to stand on, at all. He can prove that Kim is a famewhore… sure. He can prove that she re-shot and re-edited parts of her reality show after they split. Sure. He can even prove that she made a lot of money off of the wedding. Definitely. But all of those little pieces don’t add up to fraud, and at the end of the day… he chose to marry her. He saw the hot mess that is the Kardashian family and he chose to become a part of it. Unless Kris Humphries is willing to go before the judge and make the argument that he’s simply too stupid to be allowed to make decisions for himself (it wouldn’t be the worst argument), he’s not going to win.

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet.

You know how I’ve been detailing Kim Kardashian’s weird habit of probably lying about her dress size and weight? Well, I’m starting to think that the answer is much simpler and less rage-inducing than “Kim Kardashian loves to lie”. I think Kim just sucks at math. I think that when she’s confronted by numbers, her mind wanders to chintz peplums and leather jodhpurs and she completely spaces out. Think about it: wouldn’t that explain a lot about this mess? One week she’s insisting that she’s no more than 140 pounds, and then just nine days later, she’s telling TMZ that she’s totally 151 pounds because her baseline, pre-pregnancy size was a size 4, remember?

Well, as it turns out, Kim doesn’t just space out about numbers and math when it’s about her weight. She’s also been telling different people different things about her due date:

Could Kim Kardashian not be telling the truth about her due date? The pregnant reality star said on the “Today” show in January that her and Kanye West’s bundle of joy is due in July, but sources tell us it’s actually earlier.

During a recent baby shower for fashion stylist Monica Rose at Bagatelle LA, Kim was overheard saying she’s due in mid-June. Could a delay announcing the birth give her a chance to enjoy private time with the newborn and lose some weight? Kim’s rep had no comment.

[From Page Six]

For whatever reason, I had it in my head that she was due in early July, and it’s perfectly possible that Kim heard Duchess Kate say that she wasn’t due until mid-July, and Kim decided to copy Kate (because they are seriously SO similar). It’s also possible that Kim is due late June/early July and that she’ll be overdue, because that’s very common in first pregnancies. It’s also possible that Kim will schedule a C-section for whenever it’s convenient to her too, so just keep that in mind.

Incidentally, according to the Kardashian reality show, Kim’s biggest fear is that she’s still going to be legally married to Kris Humphries when she gives birth. She says in the promo, “I’m scared with the divorce I’m probably going to have this baby being married to someone else.” Which will probably happen – Kim and Kris’s divorce hearing/trial thing is set for early May, and I’m not sure that Kim will divorced by the time she gives birth even if the trial goes her way.

Photos courtesy of WENN, Fame/Flynet.

I’ve been staring at these photos for much too long trying to figure out if Kim Kardashian is wearing harem pants or if she’s wearing FAUX harem pants. Like, are these actually pants or is it just a bizarrely cut skirt made to look – through the use of diaphanous layers – like pants? Why am I obsessed with this? Probably because OMG this is horrible. I just don’t understand why she can’t just wear a pair of maternity pants and a cute top. Why does she insist on tucking in blouses and making sure we see every butt bulge? Probably because she’s kind of delusional. Following last week’s doubling-down by the tabloids about her weight lies, Kim must have called up TMZ to set the record straight. And OMG.

Kim Kardashian’s NOT a food-shoveling, 200-pound, fatso — and Kim is telling friends the proof isn’t in the pudding … it’s in the yogurt.

We’re told Kim went to the doctor last week for a checkup, and she weighed in at 151 lbs … way less than the 200 lbs the tabloids claim.

And there’s even less. We’re told she’s gained a grand total of 23 pounds from the time Kanye West impregnated her.

Although there’s an epic headline from one of the tabs — “I Can’t Stop Eating!” — we’re told a lot of this is just plain made up. Por ejemplo … “In Touch” ran a cover pic showing Kim shoving ice cream in her mouth. Fact is … the pic was taken in Monaco in 2009, when she was relatively tiny.
And our Monegasque (Google it) spies tell us … the cone is not topped with the fat stuff … it’s dairy free, sugar free yogurt with fresh strawberries. Sounds disgusting.

[From TMZ]

So because In Touch used an old photo of Kim making love to some yogurt, the whole story is crap? Ha. While I don’t believe Star or In Touch or the Enquirer’s claims that Kim is totally gorging on everything and that she’s gained 60 or 70 pounds, and while I think it’s really unfair to yell at her for gaining weight while pregnant, Kim really isn’t making this easy by insisting that she’s somewhere between 140 (which she claimed about 10 days ago) and 151 pounds (which she seems to be claiming now). Granted, this is just my opinion, and true, Kim is really short and that could be throwing everything off. But look at these photos. Seriously, 151 pounds? No.

PS… I can totally see her Spanx too. Damn, girl. Let the baby breathe!

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet.

Here’s an assortment of photos of Kim Kardashian from the past few days. The header image is from Kim’s Instagram – she’s showing off her bare bump for the first time I guess. That’s an incredibly flattering photo, right? She angled her hips really well and she made sure that her bump would look poppin’ but not huge. Kim’s probably just happy that she has finally “popped” because for a while there, pregnancy was just making her butt, hips and boobs look huge and she didn’t have much of a bump. Now she does. So we can all go to sleep tonight, I guess.

I’m throwing in a few more photos of Kim on Thursday when she was wearing another pair of maternity (?) leather pants. I actually think that outfit is pretty flattering on her – she needs to stick with pants, maternity tops and cardigans. That combination is the only thing that flatters her figure. The photos of Kim in all-black are from what seems like a baby shower or something – people are giving Kim baby gifts wrapped in pink, so I guess for sure she’s having a girl. While I don’t think the black outfit is crazy OR flattering, that is pretty much what I wear all the time. If I have a “uniform” for my going-out appointments, that would be it. Wide-legged black pants, clingy black v-neck, black purse and sunglasses. Gah!

Should we talk about the Ray J thing? I really don’t want to. So I’ll just give the most basic rundown (you can read more here): Ray J, Kim’s former partner in p0rn, has a new single called “I Hit It First” and the single cover is a pixelated Kim Kardashian, and the song is all about how he got with Kim before Kanye and some other derogatory stuff about Kanye, blah. Why is this a big deal? Why does anyone care what Ray J has to say about anything?

Photos courtesy of Kim’s Instagram, Fame/Flynet and WENN.

Here are some new photos of Kim Kardashian yesterday in Sherman Oaks, where she went out for some fro-yo with friends. I’m assuming that this was part of her reality show, because I’m including a photo where it really looks like Kim has stuffed a mic pack into the back of her dress. Either that, or Kim is only functioning these days with batteries. As for the Renaissance Faire dress… on another woman, this wouldn’t look so weird. But because it’s Kim, it just seems bizarre. Also: 140 pounds my ass. She’s gained so much weight in her boobs alone. And it’s painful to see her boobs in this dress – I’ve been trying to figure out what foundation garments she’s wearing underneath the Ren Faire dress, and I think it’s a strapless bra and maternity Spanx. Why not a regular bra (your girls will thank me, and you won’t be spilling out of anything) and a comfortable pair of drawers? For the love of…!

Meanwhile, there’s some new drama with Kim and Kris Humphries’ divorce case. I think the court date is set for May 6th, correct? Well, Kim’s lawyer Laura Wasser asked the court to move the case up to May 3rd because Kim scheduled an appearance for the 6th. Kim did not get the move.

Kim Kardashian is not going to attend the first day of her divorce trial … but it turns out she’s not needed.

Kim has a commitment for an appearance in New York City for her perfume line on May 6, the opening day of her courtroom face-off with Kris Humphries.

Kim’s lawyer filed legal docs asking the judge to move the trial up to May 3 so she could attend, but the judge wouldn’t allow it because of a schedule conflict.

But sources say the solution is simple. Kris has the burden of proving fraud in his annulment request, so he’s first up in calling witnesses, and Kim won’t have to take the stand until day 2 or 3.

Bottom line — she doesn’t have to see Kris’ face as much as she feared.

[From TMZ]

Radar has the same basic story, only they make it sound like Kim is a horrible person, etc. Apparently, Kim is playing this scheduling conflict like it’s something she totally could NOT get out of and she really, really needs to be in New York. Incidentally, the Met Gala is also on May 6th. And Kanye will definitely in attendance (he’s performing, I believe). So could it be that Kim is going to crash Anna Wintour’s party too?

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet.

Both In Touch Weekly & Star Magazine put Kim Kardashian’s pregnancy weight gain on their covers. In Touch did this two weeks ago, and The National Enquirer did it last week. It’s like all of last week didn’t happen, where Kim told everyone that she only weighs 140 pounds and she’s only gained 20 pounds so far and all of us were like “Hahaha YOU LIE” and then Kim said we were bullying her. I guess the tabloids just have their story and they’re sticking to it. So… let’s see where we are… In Touch says that Kim totally ate everything in sight when she was in New York last week:

Pregnant Kim Kardashian has let her raging cravings take over!

In Touch has learned that in recent weeks, the expectant star has indulged in high-calorie, carbohydrate-heavy meals including creamy risotto, chicken and waffles, decadent desserts and more.

On March 17, she was spotted at South City Kitchen in Atlanta scarfing down greasy chicken and waffles, along with smashed bliss potatoes, collard greens, and mac and cheese. Back in Beverly Hills days later, she stopped — twice in one week — into one of her favorite Italian restaurants, Il Pastaio, for carb-heavy lunches.

“Kim ate the same dish both times — creamy mushroom risotto,” a fellow diner tells In Touch. “She also ate bread with olive oil, and the second time she came in she also shared the arancini [fried rice balls] appetizer.” The risotto alone has a whopping 1,300 calories. “She hasn’t just gained 20 pounds like she claims,” a pal tells In Touch. “She’d already gained 45 to 50 when she still had four months to go!”

But it’s more than likely Kim is only eating her feelings. Her beau and father of her baby, Kanye West, 35, has deserted her during the time she needs him most, spending most of his time 6,000 miles away in Paris, far from his pregnant girlfriend. While Kim’s worrying she’ll end up a single mother, she has sweet treats to help her cope.

Thankfully, Kim welcomes her expanding tummy, recognizing the fact that her body is going through a transformation. “At the beginning it was tough for me when your body changes so much, but once you kind of grasp that and embrace it, it’s amazing,” she says.

[From In Touch Weekly]

Ew, I have to be in the mood for mushroom risotto, because if I’m not in the mood, I will totally hork when I smell it. As for the eating-shaming (I’m struggling to find a term that encompasses what this is)… pregnant women like to eat. Most non-pregnant women like to eat too. It’s kind of gross to sit there and nit-pick everything a woman eats. Speaking of, that’s exactly what Star Magazine did this week too – apparently when Kim and Kanye were in Atlanta a few weeks ago, Kim “ate like it was her last meal on earth, wolfing down fried chicken and waffles, buttermilk biscuits, mashed potatoes, mac ‘n cheese, collard greens with bacon and fried green tomatoes with goat cheese.” The nerve! As I’ve said many, many times – I don’t care that she’s gaining weight or that she’s eating a lot. It doesn’t bug me. What bugs me is that she’s pouring her pregnant body into too-small clothes and she’s lying about her size (she’s always lying about her size, though). Maybe all of this really is a conspiracy to get Kim a weight loss contract. Ugh.

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet, covers courtesy of In Touch, Star.