A lot of people have wished a lot of bad things on the Hogan family since Nick Hogan nearly killed family friend John Graziano in a drag racing crash. Me included. And it seems like Hulk and Linda’s lives are spinning out of control, and their divorce is getting ever more acrimonious. One solitary tear just slid poignantly down my cheek. Linda says Hulk is stalking her, and Hulk claims Linda is crazy but he still loves her.

Linda Hogan filed court documents on June 30 seeking to prevent her estranged husband from harassing her. In the documents, first reported by TMZ.com, Linda Hogan, 48, claims that Hulk Hogan, 54, “relentlessly and methodically” follows her, “causing her anxiety and fear for her safety at all times.” The motion also claims that Hulk “has a history of violence” towards Linda, “and is capable of attacking [her] at any time.”

In a statement, David Houston, a lawyer for Hulk (whose real name is Terry Bollea) shot back: “Linda Bollea’s allegations are pure fantasy, in line with her recent 911 call that has been widely played in the media.

“On May 22, Linda called 911 claiming Hulk was stalking her, which Hulk vehemently denied. Since November, Terry Bollea has been in Los Angeles working. The limited time that he has spent in Florida has been solely to visit his son and daughter. In addition, he has no history of violence.”

[From People]

Linda called 911 on Hulk for stalking her back in May. Hulk showed up at her house. Scary, no? Well he was dropping their daughter Brooke off. And Linda knew that. But apparently his mere presence meant he was stalking her, so Linda did the logical thing - followed him, while calling 911 to report him. The operator actually had to yell at Linda, “Ma’am, ma’am! Stop following him!”

How in the world could such terrible people have created such wonderful, thoughtful kids? It boggles the mind. Rumors were floating around that the pair were having serious marital problems since last spring, well before Nick Hogan’s car crash. Obviously that whole debacle put too much strain on an already fragile relationship.

But since then, both of the Hogan parents have conducted themselves with the utmost dignity; namely dating people their children’s age (and in Hulk’s case, dating a woman that looks like his child). Oh and rubbing lotion on his daughter’s ass.. And other uber creepy behaviors.

Hopefully this is the beginning of a long line of karmic retribution. Er, I mean forgiveness. Okay not really.

Header of Linda, Hulk, and Brooke along with Amber Reidinger at a Super Bowl party on February 3rd, 2007. Images thanks to WENN.

We all know that Verne Troyer (aka Austin Powers’ “Mini-Me”) is suing TMZ.com, Kevin Blatt (the man responsible for Paris Hilton’s sex tape), and a few others for $20 million over the sex tape that Troyer claims was stolen from him and posted online.

A commenter here on our site backed up this claim.

“I think this is so sad! This girl [Troyer’s sex tape partner Ranae Shrider] is a sad little girl from Kentuky [sic] that called me the night the video went missing. [Troyer’s] new manager was badgering this poor girl. She left for work came back and he was there and it was missing. I think its a sick publicity stunt that will ruin what little reputation she has left to ‘make it’ in Hollywood. She really thought she was in love. And now what she thought was real is become dirty and grotesque.”

[From Celebitchy comments]

Oh, please. Call the WAAAAHHHHbulance.

WELL! It turns out that the 39-year-old, 2 foot 8 inch actor’s girlfriend Ranae Shrider signed a declaration filed in federal court stating the tape was created with her video camera and she gave permission to TMZ to air it, thus prompting the judge to allow TMZ to reinstate the post featuring mini-scenes of the tape.

We would post it here but we received a cease and desist order from “his people” stating it’s a violation of his privacy and attached a copy of a temporary restraining order which prohibits us, et al from the exhibition, display or broadcast of any portion of the video on the internet, television, or any other medium. Click here to see it directly.

Now then; Mini-Me has been going around bragging that his “me” isn’t so “mini.” When the Tampa, Florida MJ Morning Show spoke with Ranae, she said:

“This is all I’m going to say: As previously reported on interviews made by him, it is definitely not a tripod.”

[From Stuff.co.nz]

After the radio show host asked Ranae if Troyer is “proportionate for a man of 2ft 8in?” Ranae responded with a resounding “Yes.”

Okay, first, I didn’t need that visual to be supported or denied, thanks for that to both the MJ Morning Show and Ranae. Secondly, I guess we’ll see what “powers” the Austin star has after TMZ Productions, Inc., Sugar DVD, and Kevin Blatt appear in court on July 7th.

Here’s Verne Troyer and Ranae Shrider at the MTV Movie Awards June 1st. Header of Verne at the Palms Place Hotel and Spa Grand Opening in Vegas on May 31st. Photographer: Judy Eddy. Images thanks to WENN.

Britney Spears was in court today – but this time she wasn’t in any sort of trouble. In fact the hearing was the result of all the positive progress Britney has made in the last few months. She was requesting extended visitation with her sons Sean Preston and Jayden James, who will be 3 and 2 years old in September. Britney was awarded overnight visitation, and it seems that all parties were happy with the decision.

Britney Spears has made a subtle change for the better—and, it follows, so too have her custody rights. This morning’s court session, attended by both Spears and Kevin Federline, resulted in “a change of visitation status” for the new aunt, Los Angeles Superior Court spokesman Allan Parachini told reporters at a brief posthearing press conference. “Both sides have been very cooperative the past couple of weeks.”

While Parachini wasn’t spilling the beans, sources tell E! News that Court Commissioner Scott Gordon granted Spears overnight visits rights with sons Sean Preston and Jayden James. Federline still has primary physical custody of the boys.

The outcome seemed to sit well with both parties. When leaving the courtroom, Spears, 26, told reporters she was happy with today’s decision, and Federline, 30, made his way through the media scrum with a smile on his face.

[From E! News]

Britney even showed up on time to the 8:30 a.m. hearing – though just by a few minutes. Still, it was all good progress. Britney is now being represented by her old lawyer Laura Wasser, having fired Stacey Phillips. Wasser wasn’t able to deal with Brit’s craziness several months back, so it’s another sign of progress that she was willing to take Britney as a client again.

According to E! News, Brit is hoping to eventually be granted permission to take the boys to Louisiana to meet their new cousin Maddie soon. It looks like Britney has made a lot of progress, and it’s great that’s being recognized.

Header of Britney arriving at LAX from Louisiana after the birth of Jamie Lynn’s daughter on June 20th. Images thanks to WENN.

Lucky bastards. The British have gotten to do what most Americans wish we could do: tell Martha Stewart to stay the hell away. The country rebuffed the domestic diva’s request for a visa – because of her criminal conviction five years ago. That’s right, the British consider Martha Stewart to be a potential threat to their citizens. And frankly, who can blame them? Though by that logic, I feel we should get to kick her out of our country too.

Martha Stewart has been banned from England — at least temporarily. The famous homemaker was denied a visa into Great Britain because of her stock fraud conviction four years ago. Martha, who served five months in prison in 2004, had plans to travel across the pond for a scheduled speech at the Royal Academy and various meetings when the U.K. Border Agency informed her it won’t be issuing her a visa.

The Agency itself refused to comment on individual cases, but stated the organization is conscious of those the country’s visitors with criminal pasts.

“We continue to oppose the entry to the UK of individuals where we believe their presence in the United Kingdom is not conducive to the public good or where they have been found guilty of serious criminal offences abroad,” the Agency said in a statement.

[From OK! Magazine]

The government actually said they thought the visa decision was stupid – though they didn’t use that exact word. But you can tell they’re thinking it. Really, really hard. A spokesman noted: “It is a bit silly given some of the other people allowed into the country.” Which makes me wonder what kind of hardened criminals they’re letting in. Martha’s rep was all sunshine and roses, stating that she loves the U.K. and is hoping to resolve the issue soon. I say if they take her they have to keep her.

50 Cent (or Fiddy, as I’ve been instructed to call him) is having some major legal problems lately. He’d been battling his ex-girlfriend Shaniqua Tompkins, the mother of his son Marquise, 11, over a $2.4 million Long Island home for the better part of a year. Then the home suspiciously burned to the ground on May 30th – with both Marquise and Shaniqua asleep inside. Shaniqua immediately started publicly blaming Fiddy for the fire – and now she won’t let the rapper visit his child, talk to him, or even know where Marquise is living.

“He tried to kill me and his own child,” Tompkins has declared. “I know this came from 50 Cent.” While arson investigators probe the Dix Hills fire, Fitty’s legal team is drafting a defamation complaint against Tompkins.

“There comes a point where you can no longer sit on your hands and listen to her spread these falsehoods,” 50’s lawyer, Brett Kimmel, tells us. “Besides hurting his reputation, they have a damaging impact on their son.” The hip-hop king (real name, Curtis Jackson) charges that since the fire, Tompkins has refused to let him see Marquise or tell him where he’s living. Tompkins has “made it practically impossible” for 50 to speak to or see his son, according to a petition filed this week in Suffolk County Family Court.

50 says that when he learned Marquise’s cell phone was destroyed in the fire, he sent him a new one, along with a duffle bag of new clothes. Tompkins has “failed and refused to give the cell phone to Marquise,” 50 alleges. “The only way [50] can communicate with his son is to call [Tompkins’] cell phone. On June 11 … [she] did permit [50] to speak with his son. However … she was hovering over Marquise, monitoring the conversation and, after a short while, she interrupted the conversation by taking the phone from Marquise and began yelling at [50],” who eventually hung up on her.

[From the Daily News]

Fiddy says Shaniqua is breaking their custody agreement, and is asking a judge to let him see his son. So far the courts seem to be siding with 50 in nearly everything: ten days after the fire, Shaniqua was ordered to pay him $4,500 in back rent in addition to the $9,000 she had already been ordered to pay. Fiddy has been paying $6,700 a month in support - $4,500 is a housing allowance. Shaniqua had maintained that she is still owed 50 Cent’s (formerly) $2.4 million house because she needs a place to raise their son. In addition to the housing allowance.

Considering how crazy her logic has been, I’d say Shaniqua’s as legitimate a suspect as Fiddy.

Here’s 50 Cent and The Game sharing the stage during a news conference at the Schomburg Center for Research in Black Culture in Harlem on June 9th. Images thanks to WENN.

The Spears family seems to be moving forward in a mostly positive, healthy, normal manner – at least for them. According to several reports, Britney is leaving for her hometown of Kentwood, Louisiana later this week, to be with pregnant little sis Jamie Lynn. She may stay up to a month.

Hopefully Britney won’t be passing on any parenting techniques. Well, maybe a few she learned by trial and error: don’t drop the baby (especially when photographers are around); always use a car seat; don’t drive with a kid on your lap… you know, the kind of lessons most parents really have to just learn for themselves.

While Britney’s spending some quality time at home, her dad Jamie is selling her house. He got permission from the court yesterday – though presumably Britney’s okay with it too.

Earlier today, a Los Angeles court commissioner OK’d a request from Spears’ conservatorship asking for permission to put the property on the market. The court approval comes days after Spears was spotted looking at a $5.6 million, 7,300-square-foot house (above) in the L.A. suburb of Encino, closer to the home base of ex-husband Kevin Federline and the ex-couple’s sons, Sean Preston and Jayden James.

Spears has not exactly endeared herself to fellow denizens of the community, who have complained about the constant presence of paparazzi outside the gates. Some reports have blamed Spears as the reason neighbor Ed McMahon has not received a single offer on his $6.5 million house that’s facing foreclosure.

[From E! News]

It sounds like it’d be a good idea for Britney to get a fresh start. She’s made a lot of big improvements to her life; certainly moving closer to her sons would be another one. And if it helps Ed McMahon, who wouldn’t want to do it?

Britney’s conservatorship is slated to be extended or go to trial in early August. If all parties agree to extend it, nothing will happen, but if Britney doesn’t agree to her dad retaining legal control of her life, she has the right to a jury trial. Can you imagine the drama? Britney wasn’t in court yesterday – her lawyers said she was out of town, but didn’t specify where – but she and her lawyer will be going over her options in the next week.

The evil, gossipy part of me hopes she doesn’t agree to extend her conservatorship, just for the drama of a trial. The slightly more benevolent part of me hopes Britney agrees to keep everything moving forward. Little sister Jamie Lynn is expected to deliver her baby sometime near the end of the month. Hopefully all that family time will be good for everyone.

The Hogan family has been pretty assholeish (a word I just made up, and debated considerably about dropping or retaining the ‘e’) to the family of John Graziano, the man 17-year-old Nick Hogan made a vegetable for life after his drunken drag racing accident. Both Hulk and Linda have publicly blamed John for his condition, saying that he should have been wearing a seatbelt. Well, yeah he should, but it wouldn’t have been a big issue if their 17-year-old hadn’t been drunk and drag racing in the street. And didn’t crash into a palm tree.

Then last week Hulk went on Larry King and said the crash was God’s will – to make John a better person. Not surprisingly, these kind of statements have really riled up the Graziano family, and as a result, they’ve been threatening the Hogans. Oh boo freaking hoo.

Clearwater police are investigating threatening phone calls made by a member of John Graziano’s family to the family of Terry Bollea, also known as Hulk Hogan, according to Clearwater police spokesman Doug Matthews.

Matthews could not say which member of the Graziano family allegedly made the threats; nor could he say which member of the Bollea family received them.

Morris “Sandy” Weinberg, an attorney for Nick Bollea, 17, who is serving a jail sentence on a charge of reckless driving with serious driving bodily injury, confirmed that the police had listened to the threatening voicemails.

“Does the family take it seriously?” he asked. “Yes, they do.” No arrests have been made.

[From the St. Petersburg Times]

Well of course the Hogan family takes it seriously. When even minor bad stuff happens to them, it’s the end of the world. But they’re fine with supplying their minor son with alcohol, then letting him drive a suped up car. And anything that results from it is everyone else’s fault. But if someone dare to leave a threatening voice mail on their answering machine, there will be absolute hell to pay.

Get over yourselves Hogans. There is a special spot in hell for you. Until then, if every one of your days is twice as miserable as the Graziano family’s, you should considering yourselves really, really lucky.

One of the things I find eternally confusing about Hulk Hogan is how he manages to be holier-than-thou. That’s a pretty tough attitude to pull off, especially for someone who has sported a bleached-blond mustache for the last thirty years. Hulk went on Larry King to talk about his suck-ass family – specifically his worthless son Nick, whose drunken drag racing accident left passenger John Graziano a vegetable for life. Nick is currently serving an 8 month sentence in the Pinellas County Jail – and he’s done nothing but bitch and wine about it the whole time.

For whatever reason, Hulk thought it’d be a good idea to go on Larry King. I’m guessing the delusional dad thought he’d go on to clear the air and show everybody just how wrong they are. Unfortunately for Hulk, all he did was remind us of what an asshole he is. Now we know where Nick gets it.

Hulk Hogan almost broke down last night on “Larry King,” but his outrageous behavior over his derelict son’s criminal behavior was in full blossom.

For starters, Hulk said he felt Nick’s accident, which put friend John Graziano in a vegetative state, was God’s plan to make John a better person.

As for Larry…..no questions about Hulk going to Hooters after the sentencing, no questions about rubbing his daughter’s ass, no questions about Linda saying she was the real victim. Oh well.

[From TMZ]

Hulk also accused the media of being unfair to the family, saying he called it “Tabloid terrorism.” He looks pretty proud of himself for his alliteration, too. He claims that the public knows his “focus is on John,” and that the media has been unfairly harsh on Nick. Because anyone who doesn’t mollycoddle his kids like he does is obviously irrational.

The most annoying part of the holier-than-thou shit is that Hulk claims that he believes in God and God is clearly trying to teach Nick a lesson and make John Graziano a better person. The Hogans have often alluded to John being some sort of terrible person who was deserving of divine retribution. I’m pretty sure that every time they do that, a new level of Hell is created just for them.

Nothing has come out in the press indicating that John Graziano was anything other than a nice, normal guy – an Iraq war vet. John’s father pointed out that Nick Hogan managed to do to John what Iraq couldn’t – nearly killing him. Hopefully the Grazianos will be able to sue the Hogan’s for every penny they’ve got. I really wish there were a way to throw Hulk and Linda Hogan in jail for being such crap-ass parents and saying such horrible things since the crash. But since there isn’t, hopefully scrimping to make ends meet for the rest of their lives will teach them a little humility.

Speaking of which – Linda is trying to put Hulk in jail too.

Linda Hogan wants Hulk to spend time with Nick — behind bars. Linda is asking a judge to cite the Hulkster with contempt of court, because he allegedly didn’t ante up money for a $4.2 million Vegas condo, as required by the judge. Yes, the judge ordered Hulk to pay for a party pad. We love the law.

The condo was in escrow when the divorce was filed and the court order required both Hulk and Linda to close the deal and then put the asset in the community pot. Linda has put her share in but Hulk hasn’t.

And here’s the kicker. In the legal papers, Linda is asking the judge to throw Hulk’s ass in the Pinellas County Jail, where Hulk and Nick can sure scheme to hatch the post-pokey real-ality show. Dis and gusting.

[From TMZ]

Here’s a clip of Hulk on Larry King last night. Let the outrage begin.

It’s a big day in Nick Hogan’s universe - all of his wildest dreams are coming true! Actually, I’m guessing it’s a pretty big day for most of the inmates at Pinellas County Jail. That’s right, young Nick’s wish of being released into the general population has finally been granted. Nick was being held essentially in solitary confinement because at the young, vulnerable age of 17, he was the only minor in the otherwise adult population.

Hogan is also a minor celebrity in real life, which translates to major booty in jail life. You’d think if the guy had two brain cells to rub together, he’d want to stay in solitary for that exact reason. But apparently Nick’s conviction that he’s special and different and protected from everyone else makes him believe what happens to other famous young jailbird men won’t happen to him. Good luck.

Nick Hogan’s got himself some company. Two days after a judge denied his request to be transferred out of solitary confinement, Hulk Hogan’s son, who’s serving time for a DUI crash that seriously injured his friend, was moved into a communal cell after a routine assessment of the ever-in-flux jail population, according to a spokeswoman for the Pinellas County Sheriff’s Office.

Hogan, whose real last name is Bollea, was cooling his heels in an isolated maximum-security cell because, at 17 years of age, he was considered too young to live among the jail’s general population.

Attorney Kevin Hayslett argued in a motion filed Friday that his client was undergoing “cruel and unusual punishment” that didn’t fit the crime by being housed in those conditions. He requested Hogan either be granted house arrest until his 18th birthday or at least moved out of the concrete block he’d been calling home to be with other nonviolent inmates.

A judge refused a transfer but, according to the jail rep, a spot for Hogan opened up following a review of current housing assignments. The teen is now sharing space with three other juvenile offenders.

[From E! News]

Something tells me getting locked in a tight space with three other dudes was not what Nick was hoping for when he had his lawyer make that request.

Nick will become an adult in jail, celebrating the big 18 on July 27. He’ll probably get some new adult roommates at that point. What a fun treat for him. Nothing says “Happy Birthday” like the fear of taking a shower or falling asleep.

Header Nick and sister Brooke in January 2007. Images thanks to WENN.

Well I think we all know whose side the Daily News is on in the Lohan family debate of which parents sucks more. Rush & Malloy calls Michael Lohan’s accusations against ex-wife Dina Lohan “heartbreaking,” and says that Michael has “reformed his life” after his stint in prison, and notes with attempted-kudos that Michael is now a counselor. All that said, it’s nearly impossible to pick who is the lesser of two evils between the nutball parents; the Daily News may have it right.

Michael is taking Dina back to court, saying she’s preventing him from seeing his two youngest kids, Ali, 14, and Cody, 11. He also alleges that Dina keeps him from his older children Lindsay and Michael Jr. – though both of them are over 18, so Dina can’t actually prevent them from seeing their dad, and the court can’t force them to. Michael says Dina’s shown up for therapy session drunk and hung-over, and has basically been a controlling bitch just for the sake of being one.

Dina Lohan had better show up in Family Court this morning in Old Westbury; she faces “immediate arrest and imprisonment” if she doesn’t.

In scathing court documents, Michael charges his ex-wife with drunkenness in the presence of the kids. He claims that Dina failed 15 of 29 times to bring the younger children to judge-ordered visits with him, supervised by a therapist. But on April 8, the father charges, Dina “arrived toward the end of the therapy session in a completely inebriated and erratic state.”

Dina had been “at the beauty parlor in anticipation of her impending trip to Las Vegas” for the show, Michael says in the heartbreaking papers, “and I attended the session with the children as scheduled. During the session, Ali requested that I watch her puppy while she was away, which I happily agreed to do. Ali called [Dina] to eagerly relay my consent. [Dina], clearly intoxicated, became irate. Without reason, she told Ali that I could not watch the puppy and that it had to stay in a kennel.”

[From the Daily News]

Michael also goes on to say that Dina sees herself as her daughters’ manager first, their friend second, and a mother last. And frankly, while I generally say Michael Lohan can blow what he has to say out his ass, he’s right in this case.

On April 15, Dina was “exhausted” as she sat in the waiting room with the children, Michael claims in the documents. “I later discovered that [her] exhaustion stemmed from the fact that she was hung over. She apparently had spent the prior evening binge-drinking at various nightclubs until the wee hours of the morning. … She was spotted completely inebriated.”

As Lindsay makes for more tabloid fodder with her relationship with Samantha Ronson, Michael accuses Dina of using the singer/actress - and now, Ali - for her own fame and fortune. “When it comes to our daughters, [Dina] has always viewed herself as a manager first, friend second, and mother third. Our younger daughter, Ali … has been cast in a movie and is recording an album. Dina, quite simply, views Ali as a bankable commodity.

[From the Daily News]

The article is obviously very biased towards Michael. It’s almost a challenge to be biased one way or the other, since both parents suck so badly. Michael is so holier-than-thou that you can’t take a thing he says seriously. And he seems to have no idea that he comes across so badly. Michael has a running blog on OK! Magazine’s website where he provides his opinion of the contents of Dina and Ali’s show Living Lohan. Speaking of holier-than-though, Michael mentions that he has doubts about the blog, but has decided to stick to his word.

I will however call it as I see it and speak from my heart, because “the truth”, (which in essence is God) is what matters and I don’t see a lot of it in this show.

[From OK! Magazine]

Michael goes on to criticize Living Lohan a bit, and then spends a good deal of the rest of his blog talking about how “by the grace of God” he saved an alcoholic and bought him new clothes and got him into a rehab facility. I’d be impressed, if Michael didn’t have to flout it. Maybe he could spend a little less time working on his superiority complex and telling everyone how to live their lives, and a little more time focusing on humility and being a real and present dad for his kids.

Here’s Dina and Michael Lohan as they reunite to make a statement outside Nassau County Family Court near New York. The pair pleaded with the press to allow them to resolve their family issues in private. Because we know how much they value their privacy. Images thanks to Splash.