Country singer Mindy McCready, 36, made headlines for something other than a DUI or a drunken fight last week when she kidnapped her five year-old son, Zander, from the care of his legal guardian, Mindy’s mother. Instead of returning the boy after a scheduled visit last week, Mindy fled from Florida to Tennessee and then Arkansas. A missing person’s report went out for Zander and a court order was issued for him to be returned to his grandmother last Thursday. Mindy claimed she didn’t do anything wrong because her son was her property. She said “I did not steal my child, as it would be impossible for me to kidnap what already belongs to me! There never was any missing persons report and never an Amber Alert.” There was definitely a missing person’s report but that didn’t seem to faze Mindy. Also, she claimed she couldn’t return Zander since she was either five or seven months pregnant with twins, depending on which outlet she was talking to. Well all that is over now because authorities found Mindy and Zander at her boyfriend’s home in Arkansas. When cops stormed the home, Mindy and the boy were hiding in a closet. Is anyone else getting Elian Gonzales flashbacks? Zander has been taken into custody and will be returned to his grandmother shortly.

Country music singer Mindy McCready was hiding in the closet with her son when authorities took the 5-year-old boy into custody in Arkansas, officials said early Saturday.

Authorities found Zander McCready and his mother in a home in Heber Springs, Arkansas, according to David Rahbany, the chief deputy U.S. Marshal in eastern Arkansas.

“The child appeared to be in good condition when we found him … he was in the closet with his mother,” Rahbany said.

Local sheriffs and marshals had placed the home — believed to belong to the singer’s boyfriend — under surveillance for hours before they found the boy late Friday, he said.

The boy is in the custody of the Arkansas Division of Children and Family Services, who will make arrangements to take him to his legal guardian in Florida, his maternal grandmother.

Until recently, the boy has been living with Mindy McCready’s mother and stepfather, Gayle and Michael Inge, who have legal custody. The singer, who has fought a public battle against drug addiction, has visitation rights.

McCready took her son from her mother’s Florida home late last month and asked a court to restore custody to her out of concern over the boy’s safety.

A Florida judged signed an emergency “pickup order” Thursday authorizing law enforcement officers to get the boy.

McCready’s mother and stepfather said they are relieved.

“We feel sorrow for Zander because he’s traumatized, and for Mindy,” they said. “We just hope she does the right thing from here on out and that this is a wake-up call for her.”

McCready was not charged with a crime Friday, Rahbany said, adding it is unclear whether she faces any future charges.

[From CNN]

What an awful thing to do, and to put your child through. That kid is going to be upset and confused, and for the rest of his life he’ll remember being taken away by cops from his mom while she clung to him in a closet. Mindy doesn’t care though, because Zander is her property! He’s not a vulnerable little kid who needs love and guidance, he’s something she owns. It’s obvious why she doesn’t have custody of him. I hope authorities keep a close eye on those twins she claims to be having, but hopefully she’s lying about that too.

People has a new article chronicling Mindy’s problems through the years. She’s been a mess for a long time.

Most of these photos are from Facebook and I think that’s her current boyfriend. One photo below credit: WENN

Linnocent’s cracked-out court extravaganza is still scheduled for Wednesday, and until then, I’m guessing Radar and TMZ will continue to have endless reports about The State of the Cracken. Hint: it involves bruises, hustling and the smell of sulfur. Go here and here for recaps of what’s gone down over the past few days – including Linnocent’s completely idiotic tweet-justification/whine about how everyone is being mean to her. Anyway, Radar has a new report about how “hard” Linnocent is working right now to get a chunk of her community service done before the court date, and Radar’s legal source says something that I suspected – that even if LL is found in violation of her probation and “sent to jail,” she’s still going to have bail set. In fact, Linnocent is including HER bail bondsman in her crackie court entourage:

Lindsay Lohan will attempt to prove that she is fulfilling all her probation requirements when she goes before Los Angeles Judge Stephanie Sautner on Wednesday, RadarOnline.com is exclusively reporting. Lohan,25, was booted from the Downtown Women’s Center last week after she repeatedly failed to show up to perform community service in connection with her no contest plea in her theft case.

“Lindsay performed community service every single day this past week at the Red Cross, and has been spending the bulk of the weekend fulfilling her therapy and shoplifter’s course requirements. She is extremely focused on her court-ordered obligations,” Lohan’s rep Steve Honig tells RadarOnline.com exclusively.

With her court date looming, “Lindsay is really starting to rack up the hours now and is extremely serious about getting this done,” an insider tells us.

Lindsay was sentenced to 360 hours of community service at the Downtown Women’s Center, 100 hours at the Los Angeles County Morgue, weekly therapy sessions, and a shoplifting class. Judge Sautner specifically wanted LiLo to experience being around women that had fallen on very rough times, and that is why the Downtown Women’s Center was selected.

Sautner could order Lindsay to stop performing that part of the sentence at the Red Cross, and order her to another organization that deals with homelessness.

While Lindsay was overseas, she did weekly therapy sessions with her shrink on the telephone. “Lindsay was ordered to undergo weekly therapy sessions by Judge Sautner. Technically, Lindsay isn’t in violation of that order, because Judge Sautner didn’t specify that these appointments be done in person. It’s assumed that Lindsay would go see her therapist every week, but there isn’t a specific order stating how that session is to be conducted. Lindsay always pushes the envelope, no doubt. Judge Sautner will most certainly modify terms of her probation at her progress report hearing,” a source close to Lohan says.

Lindsay was given until May, 2012 to complete all terms ordered by Judge Sautner, and she has stated that she wouldn’t accept any excuses for it not being done on time. “Even if Judge Sautner revokes Lindsay’s probation on Wednesday, and remands her into custody, she will post bail immediately. Lindsay must be given bail because it’s a misdemeanor, and there would be a probation violation hearing, and that is when it would be determined by the judge if she should go to jail. Again, this is only if Sautner determines there appears to be a probation violation,” the source states.

Lindsay’s attorney Shawn Holley and her bail bondsman will be with her on Wednesday, ready for whatever the decision is.

Will Judge Sautner believe that Lohan is taking her requirements seriously, or will she violate her probation? It’s clear that Lohan’s immediate future rests with the judge’s ruling on Wednesday.

RadarOnline.com will be at the LAX Airport Courthouse on Wednesday for the proceedings.

[From Radar]

So, if Judge Sautner does find Linnocent in contempt of her probation (I have no idea what the technical term is, but I think “in contempt” works really well in this situation), what kind of sentence could be handed down? TMZ says that the possible sentence could be for more than 120 days – likely more than a year and a half. But how would that work with a bail situation? She would be sentenced to a year, let’s say, and bail would be set. So she would “check in” and then be immediately released on bail, and then what? Would she ever have to go to jail? I don’t really understand this part of it, but you can read more at TMZ here.

The whole crackie court extravaganza begins at 10 a.m. PST, which is 1 pm EST, where CB and I are. I think we’ll probably do an open post, and we’ll update with any relevant information.

Photos courtesy of WENN & Fame.

Mel Gibson and his baby-mama Oksana Grigorieva came to some kind of settlement yesterday, but I have no idea if this is truly the end of everything. I think this is the end of financial settlement part of Mel and Oksana’s legal drama, but there are probably more custodial issues (for baby Lucia) yet to work out? People Mag says that the custody agreement has been folded into this financial settlement too, but I don’t know. All I know is that in California, Mel Gibson is allowed to punch his girlfriend in the face, claim that she deserved it, and walk away with a slap on the wrists. I know that Mel Gibson is allowed to stalk, harass, threaten and abuse his girlfriend, and then he gets to just write a check for 0.0002% of his net worth (if that) and walk away. I know that this is all very far from over.

To end the acrimonious dispute that practically dates back to the October 2009 birth of their daughter, Lucia, Mel Gibson agreed on Wednesday to pay $750,000 over the next five years to ex-girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva.

The actor-filmmaker will also allow her to continue to live in a house he owns in Los Angeles.

“Thanks, your honor, for bringing this case to a reasonable conclusion,” Gibson, 55, told Los Angeles Superior Court Judge Peter D. Lichtman, who articulated in a hearing the terms agreed upon by the parties over four days of negotiation last week.

Under the deal, Gibson will sell the house when Lucia turns 18 and puts the proceeds in a trust for her.

Also under the deal, the parties are not allowed to publicly discuss each other or their relationship. Lichtman specifically said they also cannot write books about each other.

Grigorieva’s attorney told reporters that his client was in a loving, three-year relationship with Gibson before things went bad, and that she is pleased with the agreement and looking forward to focusing on her daughter and her music career.

“Oksana settled this case today because it’s in the best interests of Lucia,” said attorney Daniel Horowitz.

Under the agreement, custody of Lucia will be shared 50-50. Issues pertaining to child support were presumably discussed behind closed doors and not publicly disclosed.

The agreement settles a civil lawsuit that Horowitz threatened to file on behalf of Grigorieva, 41, and her teenage son, Alexander, whose father is Timothy Dalton. Alexander witnessed an incident last year in which Gibson allegedly assaulted Grigorieva as she was holding Lucia.

To settle the matter in criminal court, Gibson pleaded no contest in March to misdemeanor battery.

[From People]

I can’t believe she only got $750,000. Last year, there were wide reports that Mel had offered her $15 million, which would have included a massive gag order and a similar custody agreement. So… golddigger fail? God knows. I would imagine Mel probably has to pay Oksana’s extensive legal bills, though. Oksana has run up millions in legal bills. So that’s something, at least.

Here are some photos of Oksana coming out of court yesterday:

Photos courtesy of Pacific Coast News, WENN.

Okay, I’m going to try to break down this story in parts, because it gets kind of complicated with all of the threats of lawsuits and cease and desist letters. Basic story: In Touch Weekly’s cover story claims that Kim Kardashian screwed around on her fiancé (then boyfriend) Kris Humphries with a football player named Bret Lockett. Let’s actually go through what ITW claims before we get into the possible legal repercussions.

ITW claims that Kim asked a friend to introduce her to New England Patriot Brett Lockett. After they were introduced, the tabloid claims they began exchanging sexts and even having “graphic phone sex.” Jezebel has a sample of some of the alleged texts exchanged by Kim and Bret, as recounted by an unnamed “friend” claiming to have seen the texts (Jezebel thinks the “friend” is Brett):

Kim: Mr
Bret: Yes Miss
Kim: How are you doll?
Bret: I’m good and you?
Kim: Why don’t you put in an effort and try and make me your girlfriend doll?
Bret: But don’t ask for something your[sic] not ready for
Kim: I’m sure I’m ready
Bret: What’s your schedule looking like the next few weeks? I want to see you
Kim: I’m free Mon after 11, then I’m kinda busy after. You should send me a SEXY picture
Bret: What are you doing the 19th to the 22nd?
Bret: What does Miss Kimmy want?
Kim: The picture
Bret: LOL. Your used to getting what you want, huh?
Kim: Yes so. I want it.

[From ITW via Jezebel]

Apparently, Bret also told the tabloid (directly, like he’s a named source in the article, so it seems like he’s actually coming out and claiming this, for real): “I knew this was a game to her, but this is what she does. She pursued me.” Brett and other sources say that the “affair” lasted five months – meaning that Brett and Kris were totally overlapping, I suppose.

Anyway, Kim slammed the report early Wednesday morning, threatening to sue both In Touch Weekly and Brett. Kim was alerted to the story before the tabloid came out, and her lawyer sent a threatening letter to ITW, saying that Kim would take legal action if they published, and claiming that the cheating allegations “are, at a minimum, damaging, defamatory, and an invasion of her privacy.” Kim went to E! News and said: “This is absolutely not true. I have no idea who this person is.”

Then, after Kim and her lawyers pushed back, Brett pushed back even harder. He went to TMZ and said that he’s not worried about a potential lawsuit because:

“…I mean, to be honest with you guys, it really doesn’t bother me [that Kim might sue] because when all the allegations are correct and all the facts are in place, it’s nothing to bother me at all. For her to say that, I mean, I’m actually not shocked that she said that, but at the end of the day, I know what it is and if she wants to go ahead and pursue with those actions, then that’s not a problem with me,” said Bret.

TMZ then asks “Where did you actually see her and hook up with her?” and the New England Patriots player responded: “What me and Kim do is what me and Kim do. All that other stuff is irrelevant and, I mean, it’s all he-said, she-said stuff. Everybody’s just ear hustling and wanting to know what it is, but at the end of the day, Kim knows what happened and I know what happened so, I mean Kim can deny this all she wants, but if she wants to go the legal route and start recalling text messages and conversations and pictures and all of that, then that’s not a problem.”

Kim’s lawyer Dennis A. Roach says, “For the record, none of the facts…are accurate,” but Bret is still sticking by his story that he and Kim had an emotional but not physical relationship.

[From Hollywood Life]

Will Kim sue me if I think Brett might be telling the truth? I think he might be telling the truth. There, I said it. But by all means, Kim, please sue ITW. They’re trashy. But it’s difficult to just shove this aside as some kind of tabloid editor’s fantasy… the dude is not scared of going on the record and talking about it. Which is good enough for me.

Of course, now I’m starting to worry that all of this – the engagement and now the “affair” story – are all just some kind of storyline designed for the reality shows. Right? But Kim’s not that smart, is she?

Photos courtesy of WENN.

I realize Octomom is old news and good riddance to that lying, conniving, plastic witch. Whenever I hear about her now I think of that disgusting spanking video she was in that TMZ posted. (Warning on this link, it’s technically SFW but will haunt your dreams.) I’m kind of surprised she hasn’t pulled more famewhore moves lately.

Anyway when this creature first hit the scene she insisted that she was implanted with six embryos and that two of them split or somehow grew into a couple of extra babies. Fertility experts asserted that this wasn’t possible or was at least highly unlikely. Suleman has denied all responsibility for having eight babies at once, and has said “how am I supposed to know more than one would grow?” It’s hard to keep up with her various lies, but her publicist quit last year and alleged that she had 11 embryos implanted in an attempt to get rich and famous. We know how well that worked out for her, the bitch is deep in debt and her house is in foreclosure.

The good news is that Suleman’s fertility doctor, who ignored that his client was crazy, unemployed and a single mom with six kids at home, has had his license revoked. We’ve previously heard that he implanted seven embryos in a 49 year-old, which is incredibly risky for all parties to say the least, and that he’s been sued six times. It turns out that he of course didn’t just implant six embryos in Suleman, he implanted 12!

California will yank the medical license of the Beverly Hills fertility doctor who implanted 12 embryos into “Octomom” Nadya Suleman three years ago.

Dr. Michael Kamrava will lose his license effective July 1, said the state Medical Board, in a decision more severe than an administrative law judge’s recommendation that Kamrava get probation for five years.

At a hearing last year, Kamrava apologized for implanting the embryos into Suleman instead of referring the 33-year-old unemployed single mother of six to a mental-health evaluation.

The board found that Kamrava “did not exercise sound judgment” in treating Suleman and two other patients – a 48-year-old who had complications after becoming pregnant with quadruplets and a 42-year-old who contracted ovarian cancer after fertility treatments.

The board found that Kamrava “committed gross negligence, repeated negligent acts, and incompetence.”

Kamrava’s attorneys had argued that Suleman could have terminated some of the fetuses, that the negative publicity surrounding the Octomom case is a sufficient deterrent, and that Kamrava had learned his lesson.

[From People]

At least this doctor has been exposed and discredited. Suleman will have to find someone else to give her more babies to add to her brood of 14, and don’t think that’s not coming. Last year when the news broke that Kamrava could potentially get his license revoked, she asked “What am I going to do if I ever want to go back?” She has never ruled out having more children.

Octomom is shown at the “Celebrity Charity Tabloid Roast” on 5/31/11. Credit: Josephine Santos/Pacific Coast News. Dr. Kamrava is shown outside his clinic on 2/9/09. Credit: SplashNews

Well, you bitches have been clamoring for an open post about Linnocent cracked-out hearing today, so here you go. TMZ is still claiming that Linnocent could just end up with house arrest, and that it won’t be anything like the 120 days she was sentenced to initially. But, of course, TMZ’s sources seem to be Mother Crackhead and a bottle of gin, because Radar has another assessment on Linnocent’s sentence:

Is Lindsay Lohan receiving special treatment from the justice system? Nope, not according to the Los Angeles City Attorney. Carmen Trutanich, the L.A. City Attorney head honcho, told RadarOnline.com exclusively that the Mean Girls star, 24, is being treated like any other criminal in the system.

“Ms. Lohan isn’t being cut any special deals,” he said. “When our office got the case last week, it went through the ordinary channels, and the case was assigned to a regular deputy from our office. Everyone gets the same justice in our office, period.”

Judge Stephanie Sautner is expected to decide that Lindsay can serve her 120-day jail sentence at home wearing an ankle monitor.

Trutanich explained that his responsibility has been covered. “Our office has done our job. We will cooperate with the Sheriff’s Department in whatever needs to occur regarding Ms. Lohan.”

Lohan is eligible to wear the ankle monitor because she is considered a low risk offender, and the Los Angeles County jails are notoriously overcrowded.

It’s expected that Lindsay will only have to serve about 14-16 days because women sentenced to similar sentences serve about 25% of the actual time.

The City Attorney has praise for Judge Stephanie Sautner’s decision to reduce the felony grand theft charge to a misdemeanor, “I think Judge Sautner knew what she was doing. Judge Sautner evaluated the evidence and made a thoughtful and informed decision.”

Lohan isn’t expected to be in court Wednesday when her powerhouse attorney, Shawn Holley, formally enters the no-contest plea at the LAX Airport Courthouse at around 10:00 am, PST.

[From Radar]

I still want to know if the house arrest/ankle monitor scenario will include a true SCRAM anklet so that Linnocent’s vodka and crack intake can be monitored. We’ll see. Meanwhile, I fully expect the cracked-out celebrations to continue! She was even at the Marmont last night (doing crack). I’ll be updating as soon as more information comes in.

UPDATE: Linnocent’s lawyer, Shawn Chapman Holley, entered a plea on behalf of her client. The plea was “no contest” to misdemeanor theft, and the judge did not increase the current sentence – Linnocent has to do the 480 hours of community service, and she has until June 17th (I think?) to turn herself into the Sheriff’s Department for her “jail sentence”. The judge is allowing Linnocent to serve those “120 days” under house arrest, with an electronic monitoring anklet, and TMZ claims that the 120 day sentence could end up being 2 weeks under house arrest. For that time, Linnocent can’t leave her home, not to party and not to do her community service. In addition to all of that, Linnocent won’t have to do any more substance abuse counseling, but the judge is making Linnocent do a “complete psychological counseling and a shoplifters alternative class.”

PS… I wonder where Linnocent was this morning? Hungover after partying at the Marmont?

Photos courtesy of Pacific Coast News.

This news is in TMZ, which regularly runs stories from celebrity sources without questioning them at all. (Hence the “Whitney Houston is in rehab, but it’s not for drugs or alcohol if her people say it isn’t” story, which they revised once her team admitted the obvious.) So I’m hoping this is just pure wishful thinking on Mother Crackhead’s part. According to TMZ it’s likely that Lindsay is going to scrape by with just 14 days at home with an electronic monitoring bracelet for that 120 day sentence she was given for violating her probation by lifting the necklace. Lindsay is set to plead guilty to the other charge in the case of the purloined necklace, misdemeanor theft, tomorrow, and she probably won’t be showing up at court at all. How is this girl with her ridiculous My Little Pony extensions not in jail at this time? The mind boggles.

Sources connected with Lindsay tell TMZ … Lindsay wants to show up for the plea, but the cost and craziness associated with a Lindsay Lohan appearance is just too much — what with extra Sheriff’s deputies, court disruption, etc.

So Lindsay’s lawyer, Shawn Holley, will appear before Judge Stephanie Sautner to enter the plea.

TMZ broke the story … Lindsay will plead no contest, and in such cases it’s routine a defendant can serve the sentence with an electronic monitoring device at home, rather than doing jail time.

As we first reported … both Sheriff’s Department and the Probation Department sources tell us … Lindsay would be eligible to serve her 120-day jail sentence with electronic monitoring at home.

Judge Sautner has made it clear … she’s treating Lindsay like any other defendant, so it’s likely the judge will allow her the electronic monitoring option.

And, a defendant who serves time at home with an monitoring bracelet gets the same time off for good behavior and jail overcrowding as someone who serves time in the pokey. And we’re told 120 days translates into 14 DAYS. So 14 days with a bracelet and she’ll be off the hook with the necklace!

TMZ will be in court tomorrow.

[From TMZ]

I’m really hoping TMZ is as wrong here as they were with Whitney Houston’s rehab stint. Of course Lindsay will plead guilty but her people will leak stories all over that she just did it at the advice of her lawyer and is oh-so-innocent. She’s never culpable for anything, and she never did anything wrong and we’re all out to destroy her promising career.

Lindsay has actually been showing up to her community service. She’s been sentenced to three months of full time work at a homeless shelter and morgue. According to a “source” who spoke to Radar, aka Lindsay’s mom, she’s so engaged and present for the homeless women and they’re so impressed with her commitment to service and how blindingly beautiful she is with all that flowing yarn hair. (I made up that last part, but you know they wanted to add that, like Lindsay is some kind of saint.) It will take a lot more than a bunch of court dates and community service hours to shake some sense into this girl. I’m hoping the judge realizes that and gives her time in the slammer again. She’s been asking for it for months if not years. It doesn’t matter though, even if she gets off with a slap on the wrist yet again she’ll manage to screw it up somehow.

Lohan is shown on 5/6 and 5/2/11. Credit: Fame

Oh, Linnocent. You know it was just killing her that for a 48-hour window, she was not one of the top three celebrity stories. So immediately after the royal wedding, our little crackhead made sure to leak to TMZ that she was probably going to be pleading “no contest” to the now misdemeanor crack thievery charges. Linnocent even did a few extra lines of coke and claimed that she was NOW ready to “accept responsibility.”

Lindsay Lohan will plead no contest to the misdemeanor theft charge she faces over that pesky necklace … sources connected with the case tell TMZ.

We’re told Lindsay is committed to what she told Jay Leno this week — that she wants to accept responsibility and move on with her life.

So Lindsay and her lawyer, Shawn Holley, will go back to Judge Stephanie Sautner as early as next week to enter the plea.

Lindsay has already been sentenced to 120 days in jail for the probation violation, along with 480 hours of community service. Sources tell us Lindsay and her lawyer are banking on Judge Sautner not adding additional time on the theft charge. In other words, when Lindsay serves her 120-day sentence, that would be the end of it. And sources familiar with the case say that would be a routine disposition.

L.A. County Sheriff’s spokesperson Steve Whitmore tells TMZ his rough calculation is that Lindsay would serve three weeks, although there are variables to that.

We’re also told the L.A. County District Attorney is inclined to give the case to the L.A. City Attorney, since the D.A. typically prosecutes felonies and the case is now a misdemeanor. But now that Lindsay will plead no contest, it doesn’t make a lot of sense for the D.A. to kick the case to the City Attorney.

Holley could not be reached for comment.

[From TMZ]

Always on the hustle, always angling for something. It’s less about “accepting responsibility” and more about trying to hustle her way out of more jail time and more community service. After all, this is the crackhead who went on the “I’m so linnocent” PR offensive right after she was sentenced, including her delusional, cracked-out appearance on the Tonight Show (where she got a standing ovation).

Sigh… there’s something about this crackhead’s stupid, asinine crack drama that makes me miss the royal wedding. That being said, I find myself slightly disappointed that The Crack Trial of the Century isn’t going to happen.

Photos courtesy of Fame.

Well, our beloved Linnocent is due in court today, this, the High Holy Day of Crackhead Martyrs (no disrespect to Jesus, who is only the second biggest martyr after Linnocent). Linnocent’s judge, Stephanie Sautner, has already said that she’s not allowing cameras in the courtroom, so we’ll likely only be getting some photos of Linnocent’s crack stroll into the courthouse, and those will probably come later, I’m guessing. What’s interesting is that both TMZ and Radar are claiming that Shawn Chapman Holley will likely ask the judge today to reduce Linnocent’s charge from a felony to a misdemeanor. Here’s more:

Lindsay Lohan is bound to have a spring in her step with the news that Judge Stephanie Sautner is likely to reduce the Mean Girls star’s felony theft charge down to a misdemeanor in court today.

“Judge Sautner has indicated to the DA and Lindsay’s attorney that there is a very good chance that at the conclusion of the preliminary hearing she will reduce the charge from a felony to a misdemeanor,” a well connected source tells RadarOnline. “When Lindsay heard this news, the possibility that the charge could be reduced, she was practically doing cartwheels.”

And with good reason – there’s a big difference between the two charges – Felony grand theft carries up to three years in state prison whereas misdemeanor grand theft carries a maximum of one year in county jail.

“Lindsay’s fate rests in Judge Sautner’s hands, and the judge could decide not to reduce the charge in the end, but just the fact that she is considering it gives Lindsay hope,” the source close to the actress says.

During the hearing Deputy District Attorney Danette Meyers will be calling the jewelry store owner, the female clerk that was working when the theft allegedly occurred, the investigating officer and the police officer that Lindsay’s friend turned the necklace over to. Meanwhile, Lindsay’s attorney, Shawn Holley, is going to grill the jewelry store owner over her decision to sell the surveillance video of the alleged theft for a profit, our source says. It’s anticipated that the preliminary hearing will last one day. Holley will be calling just one witness, a jewelry appraiser. The price of the necklace is going to be a battle of contention between Meyers and Holley.

“If the judge decides that the real value of the necklace is far below the listed retail price of $2500, specifically $950 as has been mentioned, it’s a no brainer and the charge gets reduced,” the Lohan source tells RadarOnline.

But, even if Judge Sautner does reduce the charge to a misdemeanor, Lindsay still isn’t in the clear.

“If Lindsay is ordered to stand trial, even on a misdemeanor, she will still be automatically found in violation of her DUI probation,” the source says.

“Lindsay is telling her friends though that the judge won’t be sending her to jail on the probation violation at the conclusion of the preliminary hearing tomorrow, rather it will be dealt with at another time, most likely at the conclusion of the case, if and when it goes to trial. Lindsay simply has one of the best attorneys in Shawn Holley, hands down.”

The preliminary hearing will begin at 8:30 am PST.

Judge Sautner has denied cameras in the courtroom, but RadarOnline will be right there and reporting in real time on what is happening.

[From Radar]

“Lindsay simply has one of the best attorneys in Shawn Holley, hands down.” Yes, Shawn. We know. Now stop guzzling margaritas and calling Radar and TMZ. By the way, I don’t even agree that Shawn Holley is that awesome of an attorney. I think she’s good… for a celebrity client in the state of California. Put her up against a state legal system that isn’t so – errr – accommodating to celebrities and crackheads, well, Shawn might not be so awesome.

But I do find it interesting that even if this goes ahead as a misdemeanor (which I hope won’t happen), then Linnocent will still be under serious threat of going automatically to jail. For the love of God, PLEASE SEND HER AWAY.

And yes, I decided to use some of my favorite Linnocent photos for this very special Crack Martyr Day. And you guys can treat this as our official Linnocent Open Post!!

Photos courtesy of Fame & WENN.

Another day, another cracked-out shenanigan. Yesterday, the Lord’s Day (LMAO), Lindsay Lohan was cracked out of her skull and hiding in her closet. Was it a particularly bad trip? Could be. But the official reason, via TMZ, is that Linnocent was “hiding” from her father. Michael Lohan came to the front door of Linnocent’s Venice beach condo, and when Lindsay didn’t answer the door, Michael started “staring in the back windows of her Venice apartment, trying to spot Lindsay inside, and began banging on the windows.” Michael eventually left, and Linnocent did not call the cops, probably because she A) wasn’t sure if it actually happened or if this was all yet another crack hallucination or B) She didn’t want to go through the trouble of hiding her crack stash in case the cops wanted to do a look-through of her place.

In other Linnocent news, Radar has an interesting story about the upcoming preliminary hearing for the Crack Trial of the Century:

Los Angeles Deputy District Attorney Danette Meyers is warning her witnesses to expect “grueling cross examination by defense attorney Shawn Holley,” as she preps for the first step in the criminal trial against Lindsay Lohan, RadarOnline.com has learned exclusively. The preliminary hearing, to determine if there is sufficient evidence to order Lohan to stand trial, is scheduled for Friday, April 22.

Meyers had originally planned on calling only the investigating officers to testify. But because of a legal technicality that could have resulted in Lohan being sentenced for being in violation of her DUI probation at the conclusion of the trial and not at the end of the preliminary hearing, Meyers is calling the jewelry store owner and the female employee who was working the day of the alleged theft to the stand.

If the judge finds there is enough evidence to send Lohan to trial, that in itself will result in a probation violation, and Meyers wants to make certain that Lindsay will be sentenced immediately following the hearing. A source close to the case tells us: “Meyers has met with the store owner, Sofia Kaman for at least two hours. Meyers has also met with the female employee, and is preparing both of the witnesses for what is expected to be grueling questioning from Lindsay’s attorney.”

Much of the preparation is being spent on Sofia’s testimony, because she made the decision to sell the surveillance video. But Meyers believes Sofia will be an excellent witness for the prosecution, the source reveals. She has yet to see one dime from the sale of the video.

Meyers expects Shawn to grill Kaman about her motivation for selling the surveillance video. Holley will seek to raise doubts about Sofia’s credibility, the source adds.

The preliminary hearing is expected to last two to three days, and at the conclusion, Judge Stephanie Sautner will determine if there is enough evidence for the case to go to trial. If she does, our source tells us, “Meyers will ask that Lindsay be remanded into custody immediately for the probation violation.”

[From Radar]

That’s interesting, isn’t it? I hope Meyers gets what she wants, and Linnocent has to go back to jail for the probation violation(s). She should have been in jail a long time ago, but if this crack trial goes how I think it will, the crack tears will be flowing and it will be delicious. No more strategic leaks about being up for big parts, no more crack hustling, no more hooking. I can’t wait.

Photos courtesy of WENN.