I get kind of annoyed with celebrities chiming in with obvious statements like “Britney needs help with her addiction” “Lindsay needs help with her addiction” “Paris needs help with her drinking…” wait, am I starting to see a pattern here? Are a lot of starlets struggling with addiction? Huh. Anyway it’s really annoying when they think they’re making these profound statements that are really helpful, but Tatum O’Neal is a big exception, because she’s been in Britney’s shoes – in fact their case are eerily similar. O’Neal lost her kids to husband John McEnroe – a guy who was generally considered a douche bag (major temper, etc) – after she became addicted to heroin.

“Tatum O’Neal, who’s led her own troubled path on the road of motherhood, says that Britney Spears must get treatment and shield her children from media attention. She ‘needs to be in recovery and get her disease of addiction together,’ said O’Neal, 43, who can empathize with the 25-year-old pop star. ‘I relate to her and feel really sad for her,’ O’Neal told Entertainment Tonight in a interview to air Thursday.

“‘I did everything that she doesn’t want to do,’ said the Oscar-winning actress (for 1973′s Paper Moon, which costarred her father, Ryan O’Neal). ‘I did the drug testing … It was very humbling, but I wanted those kids back.’ In 1986, O’Neal wed tennis superstar John McEnroe, and the couple had three children: Kevin, Sean, and Emily. The couple divorced in 1992 and remain openly hostile toward one another. When O’Neal became a heroin addict in 1995, McEnroe took custody of their kids, something he has retained ever since. ‘Not being able to see my kids is like part of me is missing,’ a recovering O’Neal told PEOPLE in 2002. ‘Part of my soul is missing. Hopefully she will figure [it] out,’ O’Neal told ET. ‘But it’s going to be hard and she will do it publicly and that sucks.’”

[From People]

I will point out that Britney is pretty strongly courting the publicity (I mean she actually handed her kids over to Kevin Federline in a convertible, so the paparazzi could get lot of super-clear photos.) But I think O’Neal’s advice is really clear, and spot-on: Britney is going to have to humble herself. She’s going to have to do what the judge says. It seems like she’s locked in a parent/child power struggle, except Brit is the kid and the judge is her parent. Whatever he tells her to do, she does the opposite just to show him that she doesn’t have to listen. And while that’s never a good idea in a court of law, when your kids are at stake it really says something about you. I keep wondering what it’ll take Britney to realize she needs to let her ego go, but I’m still not sure what that’ll be.

Picture Note by Jaybird: Here’s Tatum with her son Kevin McEnroe. Images thanks to PR Photos.

You know what makes me happy? The thought of O.J. Simpson being someone’s bitch in prison. Yeah I know the likelihood that he’ll go to prison is pretty slim – it’s O.J. after all, he could go all Rambo on the inside of a police precinct and somehow get away with it. And I know the likelihood that he’d be someone’s bitch is also pretty slim – but a girl can dream, right? And that’s my dream, because I have a frighteningly retributive nature. But after the thought of O.J. going to prison and O.J. bending over, the thing that makes me the next happiest is O.J. losing all his stuff to Fred Goldman & Company. I can’t believe the Juice has been able to live his lavish lifestyle for so long, but better late than never.

“A California judge on Tuesday ordered the ex-football hero to fork over a Rolex watch, among other items, to help satisfy the $33.5 million judgment for the wrongful deaths of ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson and her friend Ron Goldman. David Cook, a lawyer for Goldman’s father, Fred, said after Tuesday’s hearing that the Submariner Rolex could be worth anywhere from $5,000 to $20,000. ‘In this case, if it’s Mr. Simpson’s, then it would be ours,’ Cook told reporters outside the Santa Monica courthouse. Simpson’s Los Angeles-based attorney, Ronald Slates, expressed doubts about the Rolex’s authenticity and said he had already collected the timepiece from his client and planned to turn it over to Goldman’s camp by Tuesday afternoon. ‘Know any Rolex watches that sell for 125 bucks?’ he asked, noting that’s the amount Simpson told him he paid for it. But the lawyer conceded that if it is a knockoff, ‘it’s a pretty good copy.’”

[From E! News]

The very best part? If any of that “sports memorabilia” that Simpson was arrested for trying to steal back is found to actually belong to him, he has to surrender it – so he loses either way. Party up in here!

“Los Angeles Superior Court Judge Gerald Rosenberg also ordered the Naked Gun star to surrender any of the memorabilia from last month’s purported Las Vegas heist that is found to belong to Simpson. He is currently facing 11 criminal counts, ranging from armed robbery to kidnapping, for taking the items. Simpson, 60, has proclaimed his innocence, stating that all the mementos belonged to him and he was just conducting a ‘sting operation’ to get them back.

“As for the cache of memorabilia, Slates said he had no way of handing over any of it because Las Vegas police have confiscated it for evidence. Cook countered that Rosenberg’s ruling states that should Simpson be found to own any of the disputed collectibles, which reportedly includes footballs, jerseys and photos, then they must be given to the Goldmans. ‘As we said earlier, Mr. Simpson is going to walk out of Las Vegas bust. You’ve always heard that expression,’ Cook added. ‘He’s not walking away with that sports memorabilia. That’s what the judge ordered, and he’s going to literally walk away empty-handed for all his trouble.’”

[From E! News]

I wish you all could see my happy dance. It’s very undignified, completely unhinged, and totally worth it. I love to see this wife-battering murderer getting what he deserves. I doubt much of anything will wipe the smug grin off his face, but maybe living in a box down by the river might be a good start.

Britney Spears’ life just keeps getting worse and worse – and it’s mostly her own doing. An emergency hearing was called today – by who is unclear – and Brit lost all custody of her children, and was given visitation.

A court has ordered pop singer Britney Spears to give up custody of her children effective Wednesday at noon.

Spears’ former husband, Kevin Federline, is to retain custody of their two sons “until further order of the court,” according to a ruling by Superior Court Judge Scott Gordon.

It was not clear what led to Monday’s decision awarding Federline full custody. A transcript of the court proceedings was ordered sealed.

Last month, a judge ordered Spears, 25, to submit to random drug tests after finding she engaged in “habitual, frequent, and continuous use of controlled substances and alcohol.”

That order, also by Gordon, provided no details and did not name any drugs.

The former couple has been embroiled in a bitter custody fight over their sons, Sean Preston and Jayden. The parents had split custody 50-50, but Federline then asked for the arrangements to be shifted to 70-30 in his favor.

In addition to ordering the twice-weekly drug tests, Gordon ordered Spears to spend eight hours per week working with a “parenting coach,” who was to observe her interactions with her children.

Gordon also told both parents to avoid alcohol or “other non-prescription controlled substances” 12 hours before taking custody of the children.

He also barred the exes from making “derogatory remarks about the other party and the other party’s family or significant other” during the case.

And he ordered the parents to go through “joint co-parenting counseling” and barred them from using corporal punishment on the boys.”

[From CNN]

I wonder what she did that called everyone into court at the last minute. Clearly she’s craaaaaaaaazy and self-destructive, but that’s not exactly news. Several commentators on TV speculated that the judge might have seen what she’s been up to on TV, and called her in. She may also have failed her drug test… not exactly a big surprise. Who wants to place odds on Britney losing total custody within the next six months?

Note by Celebitchy: These are older pics of Britney, which is why she’s looking good. I think JayBird chose them to show that she wasn’t always this f’ed up.

I’m not going to say that it actually sucks to be Britney Spears – I means she’s got money, fame, a decent amount of talent if she’d actually use it properly… but it’s got to suck a little bit, at least lately. There definitely aren’t as many people that’d be willing to trade live with her as there used to be. Brit had a pretty crappy day yesterday: the surprise secret witness (who wasn’t as exciting as we’d all hoped – who else was pulling for Perry the manny?), former bodyguard Tony Barretto, submitted a sealed declaration about Brit’s drug use, nudity, and “safety issues” involving his sons – all post rehab. Brit’s lawyers chose not to cross-examine him, which shocked Barretto’s lawyer, Gloria Allred. Does anyone else think it’s really weird that someone so non-famous chose Allred as his lawyer? I mean he’s no Amber Frey, what’s he hoping to get from this?

We don’t yet know how specific the allegations are (ie did he see Brit high or did he see her with a needle in her arm?) but hopefully, they’ll be unsealed or leaked at some point. I say hopefully because we’ll have a field day with them. I think the drug use and nudity have all been pretty obvious – I mean the girl can’t keep her undies on in public, why in the world would she bother in private? But I am curious about the specific allegations involving “safety issues” relating to the kids, and those seem the most urgent to me. Apparently “Spears hired Barretto when she left a rehabilitation facility in March but fired him May 17 because ‘he didn’t hear her when she asked him to pick up her hat,’ Allred said,” according to the Associated Press.

“A former bodyguard for Britney Spears went to court Monday to support a sealed declaration about questionable behavior by the pop star in a child-custody dispute between the singer and ex-husband Kevin Federline — but never got to testify.

“Tony Barretto, 28, arrived with a lawyer but Family Court Commissioner Scott M. Gordon held only a brief open session before clearing the courtroom of everyone but attorneys for Spears and Federline to privately discuss unsealing documents in the ongoing case. Outside court, Barretto’s attorney Gloria Allred issued a statement calling him a “key and secret witness.”

“We are shocked that Ms. Spears’ attorneys chose not to cross-examine our client as to the substance of his declaration,” Allred said. “Our client was prepared to testify on issues of nudity by Ms. Spears, drug use, and safety issues involving the children post-rehab.”

[From the Associated Press]

So all around, not the best situation for Britney. L.A. County’s Department of Children and Family Services, which had closed their investigation into Britney’s parenting, appears to be involved in the case again, though to what extent remains unclear.

In matters professional (and I used that word loosely when describing Britney Spears) Brit’s brand-new manager, Jeff Kwatinetz, fired Spears and got the hell out of dodge.

“Manager Jeff Kwatinetz of the Firm dumped Spears as a client after just one month of repping her. ‘It saddens us to confirm media reports that we have terminated our professional relationship with Britney Spears,’ the management company said. ‘We believe Britney is enormously talented, and has made a terrific record. But current circumstances have prevented us from properly doing our job. We wish Britney the best.’

“Like Wasser, Kwatinetz reportedly had issues with Spears’ decision making. The move comes just a week after Spears’ Video Music Awards flameout. Regardless, Spears’ label, Jive Records, says the behind-the-scenes maneuvers won’t affect her ballyhooed comeback album. ‘The label does not comment on artist/management relations. We’re gearing up for a Nov. 13 album release date,’ the label said.”

[From E! News]

Let’s break down what they were really saying:

“‘It saddens [relieves] us to confirm media reports [fuel the fire] that we have terminated [gotten the hell away] our professional relationship [“working girl”] with Britney Spears [drunken train wreck]. We believe Britney is enormously [vaguely] talented [bullshit], and has made a terrific [shitastic] record. But current circumstances [she tried to eat our cat] have prevented us from properly doing our job [the cat yowled and we realized it sounded better than Britney’s new album]. We wish Britney the best [as long as she stays the hell away from us. And our cat].’”

So I think that pretty much sums up Britney’s current circumstances. She does drugs naked while her kids sit in the bathtub alone drinking bubbles while she eats cats. Really, at this point, would that be all that shocking? Maybe a little, but not at all surprising. Britney, I’m no longer going to tell you to get your act together, because that’s clearly not going to happen. But I have the number of a nice, spa-like asylum that has some restraints with your name on them.

Legal Disclosure: By reading this article that you’ve already read, you agree to acknowledge that Britney Spears doesn’t really eat cats. Most likely. If you lack a sense of humor and/or are one of Britney’s lawyers, you must agree to hold harmless the writer. She will compensate your client with a lifetime supply of Cheetos.

Picture note by JayBird: Header image of Tony Baretto, back when he was working for Britney in May. Images thanks to WENN.

You’ll have to excuse two Britney stories so close together, but this is too good to pass up. I mean pooooooooooooooor Britney Spears. Britney’s lawyer, Laura Wasser, was stopped on her way out of a hearing regarding Spears’ and Federline’s custody arrangement. She said that Britney “‘just wants to be a mom. I believe this is a frustrating time for her.’” True story. I know lawyers are supposed to put their clients in the best light possible, but saying something like that – which so totally contradict months of behavior – kind of sets her client up to be mocked.

“Britney Spears ‘just wants to be a mom,’ her lawyer, Laura Wasser, said Friday – adding, ‘I believe this is a frustrating time for her.’ Wasser spoke to reporters outside the courtroom after another hearing in the custody fight between Spears and ex-husband Kevin Federline. TMZ.com and CelebTV cited court documents signed Friday saying Spears will continue to pay Federline $20,000 in spousal support, but it’s unclear how long that deal will remain in effect.

“Wasser did not confirm any details about what was discussed. Asked if this is a frustrating time for Spears because of the negative reactions to her appearance last Sunday at the MTV Video Music Awards, Wasser said, ‘Yes. I think she just wants to be a mom, and both of her kids’ birthdays are this week, and I think she would’ve liked to celebrate with them without having to worry about the entire nation – the entire world – being concerned about what’s going on with her personally and her custody battle with Mr. Federline.’

“Wasser, when asked to address a story that Spears tried to offer Federline a settlement, which he was resistant to accept, replied, ‘I don’t believe that’s true. They met and are trying to work it out so they don’t have to have a judge make determinations for them regarding their kids. I don’t know that he was resistant or she was resistant. They are both trying to work to come up with something together.’”

[From People]

I get that this is a hard time for Britney Spears, but she’s bringing most of it on herself, so it’s hard to feel badly for her. The article mentions that Britney and Kevin have a 50/50 custody split, but it sure doesn’t seem like Britney’s with her kids that much. It would be really sad if she had that arrangement to be fair to herself or vindictive towards K-Fed, but left her kids with nannies and babysitters during her time with them. If it’s so important to Britney to be a mom, why isn’t she doing that? And even more importantly, why isn’t she trying to be a good mom? This situation makes me so sad for her kids. Though they’ll have money and advantages from that, that won’t equal out for having a nutcase for a parent (or parents). When I was a teenager I babysat for a 22 year old who had her son at 15, and she treated him in a negligent way that often makes me think of Britney. It was never enough to take her kids away, but it was complete disinterest and an inability to take care of those boring, routine things you have to do for kids day in and day out. Something tells me that, no matter who gets primary custody of Sean Preston and Jayden James, Britney and Kevin will be in court constantly over the next 18 years.

Picture note by JayBird: Pictures of Britney and Kevin during happier times y’all.

Praise Jeebus, one of the many lawsuits against Lindsay Lohan is going forward! This one is over the October 2005 crash in which Lohan hit a van that was making an illegal u-turn. Lohan was looking behind and over her shoulder at the time, but it was still ruled to be the van driver’s fault, since he was making an illegal turn. He’s sued Lohan for upwards of $200,000, and his lawyer has alleged that Lohan was drunk at the time of the crash. The lawyer’s logic is essentially that Lohan is drunk a lot, so she was likely drunk then. I’m not oversimplifying too much, that’s pretty much what the guy is saying, just in legalese. It didn’t seem like there was a good chance that the lawsuit would proceed to trial, given that it’s hard to prove Lohan was drunk at that specific time. Yeah we all know the burden of proof is much lower in a civil trial, but there’s still no evidence that Lohan had been drinking. She had just left the Ivy, and there are no witnesses that she drank during lunch there, and the California Highway Patrol said alcohol was not a factor in the crash. Still, Lindsay is a reckless person in general, both with her own body and with others. It seems likely that her own negligence had something to do with the crash – yeah the guy shouldn’t have been making an illegal u-turn, but Lohan shouldn’t have been driving forwards while looking backwards.

A lot of “accidents” have happened to Lindsay in the last couple years. Enough that it starts to look suspicious even before the DUIs and rehab and all that. Here’s a little timeline I put together of Lindsay’s last three years from Wikipedia, Hollywood.com, People, and Yahoo. Let’s recap, shall we?

2004
Car Crash – August 3. Studio City, CA. Lohan later sued.

Hospitalization – October 25th. “High fever” in Los Angeles, CA.

2005
Hospitalization – February. “Chest pains.”

Hospitalization – March 17th. Sprained ankle.

Car Crash – May 31. Fender bender.

Car Crash – June 1. “Innocent victim.” Led to a California law meant to control crazed paparazzi – holding them liable for triple damages whenever they cause a crash.

Car Crash – October 5. “Innocent victim.” Leaves the Ivy, slams into a truck that’s making an illegal u-turn. Lohan admitted she was looking behind her shoulder at the time. Lohan later sued.

2006
Hospitalization - January. Slipped on a staircase, broke a teacup and cut her leg in London.

Hospitalization - January. Asthma attack in Miami. 4 days in the hospital.

Hospitalization – July 25. Overheating and dehydration on the set of “Georgia Rule.”

Hospitalization – September. Broken wrist in New York City.

Car Crash – November 7. “Bumped” a paparazzo with her car in Los Angeles at 2am after leaving Hyde.

Car Crash – November 17 (approx). Vehicle rams into a police car in London with then-boyfriend Calum Best.

2007
Hospitalization - January 4. World’s briefest appendectomy. Seen partying until morning the day after alleged surgery.

Rehab - January 18. Checks into Wonderland Center.

Car Crash – March. Strikes a photographer with her BMW in Los Angeles.

Car Crash – March 13. Strikes a photographer in New York.

Car Crash – May 26. Loses control of her Mercedes and strikes a curb.

Hospitalization – May 26. Minor injuries related to car crash.

Arrest – DUI – alcohol. “Usable” amount of cocaine found in vehicle.

Rehab – May 28. Checks into Promises.

Car Chase – July 24. Commandeers white GMC and chases former assistant’s mother through Santa Monica. Fails field sobriety tests. Blood alcohol level tested at between 0.12 and 0.13 percent. Small amount of cocaine found in pocket of pants.

Arrest – July 24th. Arrested on felony charges of possession of cocaine, transportation of a narcotic, and misdemeanor DUI and driving with a suspended license.

Rehab – August. Checks into Cirque Lodge.

So that’s nine car crashes in three years. Three trips to rehab in less than one year. Nine trips to the hospital, all under rather dubious circumstances. At some point you realize she’s either the unluckiest girl in the world, or she has a lot to do with all these things that “happen” to her. It’s more that she’s happening to them. She’s not just some girl who accidentally has 9 trips to the hospital. Unless she has a serious and chronic disease we don’t know about, nine trips in three years is not normal. I’m guessing Lohan has probably been drunk since about 1995 onwards, and all the falling down the stairs, heat exhaustion, and broken teacups attacking her are the logical result of all the drunkenness.

On the upside, it appears that Lohan’s community service for said drunk driving, cocaine, and chasing people will include a few little activities we didn’t know about. According to MSNBC, Lohan “must complete a three-day county coroner program in which she’ll visit a morgue and talk to victims of drunken drivers.” I doubt the victims of drunken drivers will impact Lohan in the least, because that’s about other people. But maybe the morgue will give her a better idea of what’ll happen to her if she doesn’t shape up, and let’s face it, it’s all about Lindsay.

So I was sitting around, feeling all badly for poor, knocked-up, jailed Foxy Brown. Images of that lady who gave birth on the prison floor a few months ago kept creepy into my mind. Remember that one? She was in the Lackawanna County Prison, and the guards refused to take her to the hospital. She kept pleading with them, telling them she was in labor, and all they did was put her into a cell with a camera and ignore her. She gave birth on the prison floor, and one of the female guards had to cut the baby’s umbilical cord with her fingernails! True story. I kept imagining Foxy Brown in that kind of distress. Which sorta amused me. I mean no! That’s horrible, not even Foxy Brown should be subjected to such atrocities. But if anyone should, it’d be her. Oops. Well it turns out that won’t be happening anytime soon, unless Foxy manages to get knocked up by a sexually ambiguous cellmate.

“It turns out that the only thing Foxy Brown is expecting to do in jail is promote a record. Contrary to the buzz set off by the Chyna Doll rapper’s own attorneys, Brown is not three months pregnant, according to her manager, Chaz Williams.

“‘And to the pregnancy rumors, this is the official statement: She is not pregnant,’ Williams said Wednesday. Brown is currently behind bars at Rikers Island on New York’s East River, her home for the next year for violating her probation in connection with her 2004 throw-down in a Manhattan nail salon.

“‘This is just a temporary situation,’ Brown, whose real name is Inga Marchand, said in a statement. ‘I made my bed and have no problem lying in it. My will is steady. What doesn’t kill me will only make me stronger.’

Brown has not formally addressed the pregnancy talk, but she was quoted by the New York Post’s Page Six on Aug. 20, two days before she was locked up, saying, ‘I’m getting married in September. I’m pregnant.’ And even one of her lawyers said that she was expecting.

“‘She’s getting married, she’s three months pregnant, she signed a record deal two weeks ago and she is in contract for a reality TV show’ New York State Senator John Sampson told Jackson on Aug. 22 to stir sympathy for the jail-bound entertainer.”

[From E! News]

Oops! What are the odds the Foxy was misquoted at such a convenient time? Or that her lawyer was too? Pretty slim I bet. I guess there’s a chance that she was pregnant and had a miscarriage due to the stress of all the court stuff, but don’t you think she’d be blabbing about that, too? There’s really nothing Foxy won’t say or do to get her way. The rules apply to everyone else. Wanna make up a pregnancy so you don’t have to do time for your multiple crimes? That’s fine, you’re special. Really though, how did she think she’d get away with that? At some point there won’t be a baby, and I’m guessing people are going to put two and two together and start to get suspicious. She’s obviously allowed to lie to the press, but she could get in trouble for lying to the court. That would make me really, really happy. Especially if, someday when she does get pregnant, they make her give birth in a jail cell, as a retroactive punishment.

Picture note by Celebitchy: Foxy Brown is shown on 6/07/07 at the Urban Music Awards with Spragga Benz. Thanks to WENN for this photo.

Country singer Sara Evans, 36, left “Dancing with the Stars” halfway through the last season after she abruptly filed for divorce from her husband of thirteen years, Craig Schelske. Evans had supposedly found out that Schelske was having an affair with Alison Clinton Lee. Lee was Evan’s close friend and also the nanny to the couple’s three children, Avery, 7, Olivia, 3, and Audrey, 2. Evan’s cited the affair as reason for the divorce in her filing. At the time Sara’s departure last October, her anonymous “friends” also told all the gossip magazines that Schelske was addicted to internet porn and that he was also having an affair with a woman he met on the internet.

“In the papers, Evans alleges that her husband committed adultery, was verbally and emotionally abusive, and drank excessively. She also says that he ‘frequently watches pornography’ and has ‘at least 100 photographs’ of him posing in a state of arousal, as well as ‘several photographs showing [Schelske] having sex with other women.’ Evans also attached details from Schelske’s postings on CraigsList where he allegedly requests ‘three party sex and anal sex.’”

[From Us Magazine]

Lee has completely denied any affair and has filed a $3 million defamation suit against Evans. A 118 page court document was released over the weekend that details the allegations in the divorce, and it appears that Evans is now the one having to defend her behavior. She’s accused of multiple affairs, and frankly the papers make her come off as a whore. It’s hard to tell if her husband’s lawyer is just on the attack and trying to defame her, or if there’s truth to these allegations and Evans was smearing her husband’s name in the first place. I’ll let you all read and be the judge.

“The document, filed Tuesday in Williamson County chancery court by attorneys for Evans’ husband, Craig Schelske, asks Evans to admit to affairs or romantic relationships with at least 11 people, including members of her band, members of the band 3 Doors Down, Kenny Chesney, Richard Marx and Tony Dovolani, her former Dancing With The Stars partner. The questions are included in documents used to obtain information from opposing parties during legal proceedings. Evans has not yet responded to the questions, and the court filings provide no evidence that Evans actually had relationships with any of the named people.

“John Hollins Sr., Evans’ attorney, said he could not comment because of a court-issued gag order. Evans’ publicist did not return calls. Schelske’s attorney, who is also bound by the gag order, did not return a call seeking comment. A publicist for Chesney and a former manager for Marx declined to comment. Calls left for Universal/Republic, the record label of 3 Doors Down, were not immediately returned.

“The court filing calls on Evans to state whether she admits to ‘an affair/sexual relationship/romantic involvement’ with Chesney, Marx, Dovolani, any member of her band, or Brad Arnold, Matt Roberts, Todd Harrell, Chris Henderson (members of the band 3 Doors Down). It also asks Evans to:

“‘Discuss in detail the romantic communication between you and Chesney. Include in your answer whether he sent flowers; expressed emotions of love and/or physical attraction; and whether the two of you communicated by cellphone or calls to your home, all unknown to your husband continuing to present.’

“‘List and/or describe each text message you sent and received to or from Dovolani including, but not limited to the ‘I love you,’ ‘good morning darling,’ which Schelske viewed the night before you filed for divorce and terminated Allison Clinton Lee.’”

[From USA Today]

The article also says that Evans filed for divorce “the day after a blow-up between the couple in a Los Angeles restaurant. In previous court filings, Schelske alleged that he had learned of his wife’s ‘intimate relationship’ during the dinner, which had led to an argument.” If that’s true (and of course it’s only one person’s side) then it really casts a cloud over Evans, considering all the horrible things she publicly accused Schelske and Alison Clinton Lee of. Whichever side is lying is really going all out to drag the other one through the mud. Though I’m guessing the truth lays someone in the middle. The court documents also request that Evans, “provide all records of communications between herself and several friends and colleagues, including country stars Martina McBride and Chely Wright, and Dancing with the Stars co-stars Mario Lopez, Willa Ford and Joey Lawrence.”

It seems like Schelske’s lawyer is trying to drown Evans in paperwork and impossible requests. Who in the world could remember the details of each and every text message and communication with all these people? It’s utterly ridiculous. I can’t remember the last time a famous divorce was so acrimonious. Whoever did the cheating (and maybe it’s both or neither) – both parties are so vengeful it’s hard to see how they’re ever going to get through all this drama.

Picture note by Celebitchy: Header picture via Gay Socialites.

Who the hell has R Kelly paid off, and how much did it take? There is no way any person with 1/39483rd of a brain would believe that yet another delay has happened for a good, legally justifiable reason. The man who has been waiting for trial for over five years now (imagine how many delays have contributed to that… I’m not even going to count, it makes me so mad) has been granted yet another delay because the lead prosecutor of his case had a baby. Now that fact, in and of itself, makes sense. I mean you don’t pop out a 7 pound creature and just waltz back to work. But generally, babies are something people plan and predict. They’ve had nine months to either work around the birth, or postpone the trial ahead of time, so it at least looks legitimate. But did the judge do that? No, he acted like the baby was a total surprise, and postponed the case just two weeks before it was set to finally go to trial. I will officially now state that, in my opinion, Cook County Circuit Judge Vincent Gaughan has been bribed. Gasp. Five years is bullshit, and everything about this trial is bullshit. Most of the other delays were bullshit, but a freaking baby? This was a condition he was likely aware of for a least a few months – why postpone now!?! I am livid, absolutely livid. Please be livid with me.

“In a case that has been a saga of delays and false starts, R. Kelly’s trial was postponed yet again on Tuesday, with no trial date in sight more than five years after child pornography charges were filed against the R&B singer. The lead prosecutor in the case, Assistant State’s Atty. Shauna Boliker, gave birth last week, prompting the judge presiding over the case to indefinitely postpone the trial less than two weeks before its scheduled start on Sept. 17.

“A spokesman for Cook County Circuit Judge Vincent Gaughan cited doctor’s orders in announcing the decision, a move that has added a familiar air of uncertainty to the case. This was the closest that the trial had come to starting. But it was no secret that Boliker was scheduled to deliver a baby last week, which had led to speculation at the courthouse that the Sept. 17 date was unrealistic.

“Kelly, 40, was indicted in June 2002 on child pornography charges. Officials say he videotaped himself having sex with a girl whom prosecutors say may have been as young as 13. In the more than five years since he was charged, Kelly’s career and popularity have soared. He has produced several hit CDs, gone on tour and recently released the latest installments of his highly successful video serial ‘Trapped in the Closet.’

“Gaughan has issued a gag order that bars the prosecution and the defense from talking about the case. The snail’s pace of the criminal case against Kelly may shake some people’s confidence in the ability of the courts to deal efficiently with cases involving wealthy defendants, legal experts said.”

[From Metromix]

I really am both red and blue in the face right now. If I were the type to have bulging veins and flared nostrils when upset, I’d look like a bull at the moment. How is this possible? How is this not getting more media coverage? R. Kelly tapes himself having sex with a 13 or 14 year old girl, then gets to have six albums, some movies, and tour the country before he so much as sits in a defendant’s chair? Can money really buy your verdict? I don’t think this guy is just spending a lot of money for great, manipulative lawyers. I think he’s bribed someone, or multiple someones. But part of me thinks he hasn’t, because no one would be stupid enough to think they could delay a trial this long, and for such ridiculous reasons. Either there’s a lot of money changing hands, or the level of incompetence is absolutely through the roof. Either way, everyone involved should lose their jobs. I’m that mad.

Picture note by JayBird: Here’s R. Kelly at BET’s 25th Anniversary Show. Images thanks to PR Photos.

I’m sorry for the plethora of Britney/K-Fed stories today. It’s a slow gossip day, but you can always count on these two as the mainstays of internet/tabloid gossip. Anyway, it really doesn’t make sense that we’re seeing and hearing so much about Britney Spears’ crazy escapades and no one is pointing out all of K-Fed’s sordid past anymore. Seems the public has a very short memory [and I include myself, I haven’t been good about mentioning all of his partying, drug-using, douche-bagging ways]. So while I’m not at all on Team Britney, I think it’s only fair that K- hold himself to a decent standard in terms of personal behavior, and it’s good she’s hired a private investigator to get the dirt on K-Fed. Considering he’s using Israeli commandos, it’s safe to say he’s got a few PIs on Britney too.

“Britney Spears has reportedly hired a hotshot California private investigator to monitor her ex-husband as the couple begins its child custody battle.

“As Kevin Federline’s legal team builds its case by serving Spears’ friends and her aides with subpoenas to testify in the custody trial, Spears has commissioned Lisa Javoric to dig up dirt on her ex.

“Investigators from Javoric’s offices recently hit Las Vegas to watch Federline’s every move – as the rapper/dancer partied.

“In Touch Weekly reports, ‘The detective watched him intently as Kevin partied in public areas of the hotel. He made a note of everyone who went into his suite.’

“Spears hopes the information her investigator gathers will help her discredit Federline and win her full custody of sons Sean Preston and Jayden James.”

[From Starpulse]

K-Fed needs to be able to stand up to the same scrutiny he’s putting Britney under. It’s so hard to write about these two, because they both have such sketchy behavior. K-Fed’s was well documented in the past, and Britney’s is well documented in the present. But I don’t think he’s suddenly become a model citizen – he’s just become much less flamboyant and much more private. Which at least shows he has more common sense than Britney. But when you think back to all the terrible, jerkish stuff that was written about Federline, it really is sad to realize that he’s likely still a jerk, just a more private one, and all of this stuff about wanting what’s best for their kids could really just be about money for both of them.

Picture note by JayBird: Here’s Britney out shopping on Wednesday – sorry for the old images, Brit hasn’t done much lately. Header image of K-Fed partying at Tao last week.