It’s a big day in Nick Hogan’s universe - all of his wildest dreams are coming true! Actually, I’m guessing it’s a pretty big day for most of the inmates at Pinellas County Jail. That’s right, young Nick’s wish of being released into the general population has finally been granted. Nick was being held essentially in solitary confinement because at the young, vulnerable age of 17, he was the only minor in the otherwise adult population.

Hogan is also a minor celebrity in real life, which translates to major booty in jail life. You’d think if the guy had two brain cells to rub together, he’d want to stay in solitary for that exact reason. But apparently Nick’s conviction that he’s special and different and protected from everyone else makes him believe what happens to other famous young jailbird men won’t happen to him. Good luck.

Nick Hogan’s got himself some company. Two days after a judge denied his request to be transferred out of solitary confinement, Hulk Hogan’s son, who’s serving time for a DUI crash that seriously injured his friend, was moved into a communal cell after a routine assessment of the ever-in-flux jail population, according to a spokeswoman for the Pinellas County Sheriff’s Office.

Hogan, whose real last name is Bollea, was cooling his heels in an isolated maximum-security cell because, at 17 years of age, he was considered too young to live among the jail’s general population.

Attorney Kevin Hayslett argued in a motion filed Friday that his client was undergoing “cruel and unusual punishment” that didn’t fit the crime by being housed in those conditions. He requested Hogan either be granted house arrest until his 18th birthday or at least moved out of the concrete block he’d been calling home to be with other nonviolent inmates.

A judge refused a transfer but, according to the jail rep, a spot for Hogan opened up following a review of current housing assignments. The teen is now sharing space with three other juvenile offenders.

[From E! News]

Something tells me getting locked in a tight space with three other dudes was not what Nick was hoping for when he had his lawyer make that request.

Nick will become an adult in jail, celebrating the big 18 on July 27. He’ll probably get some new adult roommates at that point. What a fun treat for him. Nothing says “Happy Birthday” like the fear of taking a shower or falling asleep.

Header Nick and sister Brooke in January 2007. Images thanks to WENN.

Well I think we all know whose side the Daily News is on in the Lohan family debate of which parents sucks more. Rush & Malloy calls Michael Lohan’s accusations against ex-wife Dina Lohan “heartbreaking,” and says that Michael has “reformed his life” after his stint in prison, and notes with attempted-kudos that Michael is now a counselor. All that said, it’s nearly impossible to pick who is the lesser of two evils between the nutball parents; the Daily News may have it right.

Michael is taking Dina back to court, saying she’s preventing him from seeing his two youngest kids, Ali, 14, and Cody, 11. He also alleges that Dina keeps him from his older children Lindsay and Michael Jr. – though both of them are over 18, so Dina can’t actually prevent them from seeing their dad, and the court can’t force them to. Michael says Dina’s shown up for therapy session drunk and hung-over, and has basically been a controlling bitch just for the sake of being one.

Dina Lohan had better show up in Family Court this morning in Old Westbury; she faces “immediate arrest and imprisonment” if she doesn’t.

In scathing court documents, Michael charges his ex-wife with drunkenness in the presence of the kids. He claims that Dina failed 15 of 29 times to bring the younger children to judge-ordered visits with him, supervised by a therapist. But on April 8, the father charges, Dina “arrived toward the end of the therapy session in a completely inebriated and erratic state.”

Dina had been “at the beauty parlor in anticipation of her impending trip to Las Vegas” for the show, Michael says in the heartbreaking papers, “and I attended the session with the children as scheduled. During the session, Ali requested that I watch her puppy while she was away, which I happily agreed to do. Ali called [Dina] to eagerly relay my consent. [Dina], clearly intoxicated, became irate. Without reason, she told Ali that I could not watch the puppy and that it had to stay in a kennel.”

[From the Daily News]

Michael also goes on to say that Dina sees herself as her daughters’ manager first, their friend second, and a mother last. And frankly, while I generally say Michael Lohan can blow what he has to say out his ass, he’s right in this case.

On April 15, Dina was “exhausted” as she sat in the waiting room with the children, Michael claims in the documents. “I later discovered that [her] exhaustion stemmed from the fact that she was hung over. She apparently had spent the prior evening binge-drinking at various nightclubs until the wee hours of the morning. … She was spotted completely inebriated.”

As Lindsay makes for more tabloid fodder with her relationship with Samantha Ronson, Michael accuses Dina of using the singer/actress - and now, Ali - for her own fame and fortune. “When it comes to our daughters, [Dina] has always viewed herself as a manager first, friend second, and mother third. Our younger daughter, Ali … has been cast in a movie and is recording an album. Dina, quite simply, views Ali as a bankable commodity.

[From the Daily News]

The article is obviously very biased towards Michael. It’s almost a challenge to be biased one way or the other, since both parents suck so badly. Michael is so holier-than-thou that you can’t take a thing he says seriously. And he seems to have no idea that he comes across so badly. Michael has a running blog on OK! Magazine’s website where he provides his opinion of the contents of Dina and Ali’s show Living Lohan. Speaking of holier-than-though, Michael mentions that he has doubts about the blog, but has decided to stick to his word.

I will however call it as I see it and speak from my heart, because “the truth”, (which in essence is God) is what matters and I don’t see a lot of it in this show.

[From OK! Magazine]

Michael goes on to criticize Living Lohan a bit, and then spends a good deal of the rest of his blog talking about how “by the grace of God” he saved an alcoholic and bought him new clothes and got him into a rehab facility. I’d be impressed, if Michael didn’t have to flout it. Maybe he could spend a little less time working on his superiority complex and telling everyone how to live their lives, and a little more time focusing on humility and being a real and present dad for his kids.

Here’s Dina and Michael Lohan as they reunite to make a statement outside Nassau County Family Court near New York. The pair pleaded with the press to allow them to resolve their family issues in private. Because we know how much they value their privacy. Images thanks to Splash.

Britney’s father’s conservatorship lasts until July 31 of this year. In a hearing yesterday, in which she was not present, her court-appointed attorney said that it’s best if she doesn’t get involved in the legal decisions regarding her affairs and implied that it could be detrimental to her mental health. The judge agreed and said that “her medical condition remains the same,” whatever that means:

Neither Brit nor her father Jamie Spears were present at Thursday’s hearing, although commissioner Goetz approved a request for Jamie to receive more money per week in order to continue caring for Britney.

The singer’s court-appointed attorney Sam Ingham told the court today he believed it was better that Britney not participate in the legal affairs of her person and estate, adding it “in fact could be harmful to her to participate.”

After reviewing her medical status, the commissioner agreed, saying, “Her medical condition remains the same. Though there have been changes in her medication, I think in terms of her diagnosis, it’s not complete.”

The commissioner will review Brit’s condition again on June 17. In the meantime, a trial is set for July 31 to determine whether to dissolve or extend the conservatorship.

[From OK! Magazine]

Is it in Britney’s best interest that these details be given to the press? I don’t understand all the legal implications in her case, and maybe a special ruling needs to be made to seal each hearing or something, but it seems like this is information that the public should not be privy to. It’s also just some lawyer and judge’s opinion and it’s not like they’re doctors. I just find it annoying that this information is out there and that it might somehow interfere with the progress she seems to be making. It seems like this type of news being published is could be just as detrimental to her mental health as having her get involved in the legal progress.

What a bummer it must be to start feeling better and then to have some lawyer you didn’t even hire say you’re still having trouble. She does need her dad’s guidance and control, but she could do without having the court’s decisions broadcast.

Britney is shown on 5/23/08 at Christian Audigier’s 50th birthday party, thanks to WENN.

The Cruise-Holmes at an LA Galaxy game with Suri and co. on 5/10/08, thanks to Splash
Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes sent upscale baby boutique Petit Trésor a cease and desist letter asking them to no longer use their names in promotional materials or leak any alleged details of their shopping habits at the store to the press. The Holmes-Cruises took issue with an “on the record” quote from representatives of the store to Life & Style that they spent $350,000 to $400,000 there in the two years since Suri was born. Lawyers for the cult-loving couple say that claim is false and that it also violates their confidentiality. The letter demands that no further details be leaked to the press:

This firm represents Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. It has come to our attention that representatives of Petit Trésor falsely informed Life & Style - on the record - that Mr. Cruise and Ms. Holmes have spent $350,000 - $400,000 at your stores on their daughter in the past two years. Not only does this statement violate our clients’ confidentiality, but it is simply false. We also understand that you have informed other tabloids that our clients have purchased various items at your stores that they have not in fact purchased, and that they have shopped there at times that they have not.

It appears that Petit Trésor has “leaked” this false information to the tabloids for the purpose of enhancing its image and obtaining a commercial advantage. This conduct violates our clients’ rights of privacy and rights of publicity. Accordingly, we hereby request that you no longer use our clients as part of your public relations and marketing efforts.

Please do not say anything (whether true or false) about Mr. Cruise and Ms. Holmes’ shopping habits.

[Excerpt of letter sent to Petit Trésor from Cruise's lawyers, posted on TMZ]

Although I hate to admit it, I have to side with the Holmes-Cruise Suri team on this one. How’s a girl to escape mind-numbing auditing sessions and hours spent holding metal cylinders if she can’t even shop in privacy for the toddler she fears losing? Stores should be content to have Katie and Tom spend tens to hundreds of thousands on clothing and accessories their child will wear for a fraction of a day in her well-documented life. Petit Trésor is just ruining it by getting greedy and trying to rope in more customers by using them for publicity. You think they would know better than to talk constantly about their celebrity customers, but maybe the resulting upturn in business more than makes up for the occasional nasty letter and one or two big-spending customers lost.

There are a million jokes going around about what scum lawyers are, which generally isn’t fair as I’m sure most lawyers are good people. Kevin Federline’s lawyer, Mark Vincent Kaplan, shows that he probably isn’t one of the good people.

Kaplan sat down with the Associated Press, and told them how pleased he was at the media scrutiny his case has been getting.

He doesn’t grumble about the television trucks and news reporters swarming the courthouse every time there’s a hearing, or the paparazzi who hound the pop princess every moment there isn’t. And he’s certainly not opposed to the TV reports, tabloids and Web sites that have documented every shred of the case that has consumed him for the past 18 months.

After all, the attention has saved his side some major cash.

“If I had to hire an investigator or investigators to provide me with the intelligence about what’s going on, where they are, how are they doing,” said Mark Vincent Kaplan, “it would be north of half a million to a million dollars … as opposed to buying People magazine for $3.95 on Thursday morning or going on TMZ.”

Are People and TMZ reliable sources? Will they be legitimate to use in court? I don’t think so. I don’t think any person who is looking to profit from pictures of Britney being crazy is going to be a good source to decide the future of her children.

As far Kevin Federline being the good guy in this whole case, the way that Kaplan explains it, it was a carefully engineered public relations exercise.

“I think when the media saw that here’s a guy who stepped up to the plate, not just because he had to but because he wanted to … I think they gained a respect for him and that really turned them around a lot,” Kaplan said. “The mission involved — wanting to change the wrongful impression that was generally perceived for my client — without the media being a willing participant, it would have been impossible.”

But just in case you think Kaplan might be some kind of bottom feeder, using Britney’s money (she’s paying most of the legal bills) and fame to drum up a notoriety that will lead to bog, profitable cases, don’t worry. He’s got sight of the big picture.

“The bottom line is you’ve got two kids … who don’t know and don’t care and should never have to care about who their parents are,” he said. “They just want to be safe and secure, nurtured and bonded with their parents just like any other kids. … That’s really what’s at the core of this just like any other case.”

It is in the end about who is best equipped to care for those two little boys, and even if Britney is the least competent person in America, her children still deserve to have a relationship with her. Even though Britney’s changing of legal teams and mental issues have slowed down this court case, I still get the general impression that Kaplan is dragging out the proceedings as long as possible.

Kaplan is obviously pretty pleased with himself and his career in the future as a result of this case. He tells that AP that ‘everyone’s coming and wanting to hire me’ and describes representing K-Fed as being an ‘opportunity’. He also adds that it’s made it easier to get a reservation at a restaurant.

Kaplan’s next big case is representing Robin Williams’ wife in their divorce.

Uma Thurman must be getting pretty sick of courtrooms. After testifying in the trial of her stalker last week, you’d think she’d want to keep away from anything having to do with the legal system for as long as possible. Unfortunately for Uma, she’s being countersued by French cosmetics company Lancome, and will probably spend a good deal of time continuing to deal with lawyers for the foreseeable future.

Uma sued Lancome for continuing to use her name and image after her contract with them expired. Instead of just saying “Oops, our bad,” Lancome said they didn’t knowingly use it. Which would still make you think the error is theirs. But instead of just owning up to it, they’re countersuing Thurman.

You don’t use Uma Thurman’s face without paying for it, as cosmetics giant Lancôme is discovering. Uma was the former face of the beauty company and reportedly wants $1 million for the alleged use of her picture in foreign ads after her contract expired in 2005. Lancôme is hitting back with a lawsuit, maintaining that it never “knowingly or intentionally” continued to use her pictures and looking to have a judge preemptively rule that the company didn’t wrongfully use her image.

However, Uma’s attorney, Burt Fields, counters, “Look at the huge free benefit Lancôme gets from using her. The French want to accept that benefit without paying for it. Obviously, the French have decided they won’t even try to resolve this amicably. So they have filed this sneak attack.” Lancôme’s lawyers do say they’re open to a settlement.

[From In Touch]

I think wherever Burt Fields says “the French” he really means Lancome. I’m assuming the guy isn’t actually accusing an entire nation of “sneak attacks” and not paying for stuff. I find the lawsuit a little confusing. It sounds like Lancome is admitting that Thurman’s image was used, they’re just saying they didn’t do it on purpose. So… they’re suing her WHY?

People reports that Uma’s picture was used on websites in Asia and some Canadian billboards. Lancome is arguing that third parties did it, so it’s not their fault. To me, that sounds like a nice defense in Uma Thurman’s lawsuit… but it still doesn’t explain the need to countersue her.

Here’s Uma with Arpad Busson at the 2008 Wings Worldquest Women of Discovery Awards Gala in New York City on March 5th. Images thanks to PR Photos.

Britney Spears showed up to court today, didn’t freak out, looked relatively normal and healthy, and managed to stay for all of the court proceedings. She was accompanied by her lawyer Blair Berk and both of her parents. Though the details are a little vague, it appears that Britney has won some “expanded” visitation rights with her sons. According to Us Weekly, she will have three days of supervised visitation each week. The Huffington Post picked up an article from the Associated Press that’s headlined, “Britney Spears Granted Overnight Visits With Her Kids,” – however the article itself never mentions any overnights, so we’re not sure if that’s accurate.

Britney Spears’ visitation rights to sons Sean Preston and Jayden James were expanded Tuesday following a custody hearing with ex-husband Kevin Federline. There was no change in custody, Federline’s attorney Mark Vincent Kaplan said at a press conference, but he said her time with her boys will be “more than it has been.” He would not elaborate. Spears will get three days supervised visitation a week and visitation on Mother’s Day, TMZ.com reported.

“The court made orders today, they were orders that the parties were able to mostly agree to,” Kaplan said. “It represent a cautious step moving forward.” Kaplan said the court was “pleased with the progress that seems to be occurring” with Spears daily. He called the court’s ruling “a step in the right direction. The children are doing great — that’s the key,” Kaplan said. “That’s what all of this is about.”

Court spokesman Allan Parachini also read a statement from Britney’s parents, Jamie and Lynne. “We are so pleased with Britney’s progress, and we are very appreciative of the court’s recognition of this progress,” they said in their statement.

[From Us Weekly]

All the media outlets reported that Britney, her parents, K-Fed, and all the lawyers smiled and gave positive reactions upon leaving the courthouse. Some noted that Britney seemed upset during a break in the court proceedings halfway through the day, and was seen holding her mother’s hand. Say whatever you want about her parents’ behavior raising her – they have definitely been there for her in the past few months. It’s scary to think where Britney might be right now if her father hadn’t stepped up as her conservator. It would have been nice if they’d done a better job earlier on, but at least they’re here now, and it seems like she really appreciates that.

It sounds as if everything is going well for Britney, and the court recognized all the positive changes she’s made. According to TMZ, her goal is to have a 50/50 custody split by August. If Britney keeps up the good work, that seems very attainable.

Here’s Britney arriving to court today. Images thanks to Splash.

Lindsay Lohan is a grade-A bitch. I realize that’s been her status for a while now, but I’m making it official. I went down to the Bitch Patent Office and filed an application on her behalf – and they sent me through the emergency “speedy” line. Who says bureaucracy can’t work when you need it to?

Lindsay’s ridiculous sense of entitlement has long involved breaking the law. When she’s angry at someone, she steals a car and races through the streets of Los Angeles terrorizing them. When she gets into a fight with a former friend, she steals $10,000 worth of their clothing – and then texts messages the girl to tell her she’s fat. And when she just flat-out wants a stranger’s $11,000 blond mink coat that your grandma gave you – she’ll steal it from the coat check. Because Lindsay’s entitled to any and everything she wants, right?

A Columbia co-ed wants to know how Lindsay Lohan ended up wearing her $11,000 blond mink coat - and is demanding the “Mean Girl” pay for the impromptu rental. Masha Markova, 22, believed she had forever lost the prized jacket - a gift from her grandmother - while attending a private birthday party at 1Oak in the Meatpacking District in the early-morning hours of Jan. 26. The club was closed for a friend of jet-setting playboy Stavros Niarchos, Markova said.

She added that at one point, she was seated next to Lohan, and recalled putting the mink in a common bin with other jackets. It was gone when she prepared to leave 1Oak after an hour, Markova said. Two weeks later, Markova flipped through the Feb. 11 edition of OK! Magazine and couldn’t believe her eyes - Lohan was photographed the night of Jan. 26 wearing the very same fur coat. “I was actually talking on the phone to my grandmother about something else, and then I flipped through the magazine, saw the picture said, ‘I need to call you back,’ ” Markova told The Post yesterday.

“It was my coat. It was no doubt!” The pretty co-ed said that in the ensuing days, she surfed the Internet and found several paparazzi photos of Lohan wearing the distinctive blond coat hours after the birthday party they had both attended. Also, celebrity blogs posted pictures of the actress party-hopping that night - wearing a black coat before she arrived at 1Oak, Markova said.

[From the New York Post]

Markova contacted the owners of 1Oak, who promised her they’d “get to the bottom of it.” Of course she never heard back from them, so Markova had to get a lawyer, who called Lindsay’s lawyer and threatened to sue if the coat wasn’t returned. Miraculously, several hours later the people from 10ak called Markova back, saying, “’We’re going to bring you something.’”

Markova noted that they were very discreet and didn’t mention any names or even say the word “coat.” Two days later, the coat arrived at her apartment – reeking of Lohan stank. That’s right, cigarettes and booze. Though if you ask me what Lohan stank probably actually smells like, I’d have to add in there something about the smell of bodily fluids or something. I’m sure the girl doesn’t limit her sleaziness to cigarettes.

Now Masha Markova wants Lohan to pay at least $10,000 for the unauthorized “rental.” I still think she should pursue some kind of legal action, but I’m guessing it’d likely be a case of “she said/stank said.” It’s pretty clear that Lohan saw something she wanted and just took it. I’m guessing 10ak was involved in some way, since they actually returned the jacket. But it’s obviously Lindsay knew she was taking someone else’s very expensive possession. And while I’m rabidly anti-fur, I will admit that’s a beautiful jacket, as wearing the carcasses of innocent animals goes.

I keep wondering when Lindsay Lohan is going to learn her lesson? I’m sure maturity and intelligence will never grace her with their presence – but maybe some sort of incarceration or some such thing will.

Here’s Lohan wearing the coat in question in New York on January 26th. Images thanks to Splash.

Uma Thurman’s parents and employees have been testifying this week in Manhattan State Supreme Court in the case against her stalker, Jack Jordan. Jordan is a diagnosed as schizophrenic with bipolar disorder who stalked and harassed Thurman and her family members from early 2005 – September 2007. He was arrested this past October. Both Thurman’s housekeeper Dorota Janas and former personal assistant Samara Koffler testified that Jordan would hang out on the stoop her Greenwich Village home, ring the doorbell multiple times a day, and leave creepy letters.

Thurman’s housekeeper Dorota Janas testified on the second day of Jack Jordan’s trial that he rang the bell at the actress’ Greenwich Village town house at least twice a day for at least 10 days last summer…Janas, testifying through a Polish interpreter, said she saw Jordan sitting on the front stoop a few days before another employee called police. Some time later, she retrieved a letter Jordan had left for Thurman on the stoop.

Samara Koffler, a film producer who was Thurman’s former personal assistant, testified that she returned from the Bahamas in August 2007 and saw the letter Janas had found. She read part of it in court. “Dear Uma,” Koffler read, “I love you completely. Unless rousted, I’ll spend the night in front of (Thurman’s address).” At another point, she read: “Ask your assistant to let me wait inside until you return. I feel afraid that if I see you with another man I’ll kill myself.”

Koffler said she told Thurman about the letter and called 911 and told police “an unstable man” was hanging around the house.

[From the Huffington Post]

Thurman’s parents Birgitte and Robert Thurman testified as well. They received multiple emails and phone calls from Jordan at their Woodstock, New York home – further indication of just how far Jordan was willing to go to be with Thurman.

Her father, Robert Thurman, said his reaction after reading e-mails from Jordan was to try to remember the FBI’s telephone number. He said in court Tuesday he was seeing Jordan for the first time.

Her mother, Birgitte “Nena” Thurman, testified that she believed Jordan “was someone who would benefit from medical attention.” She said the first time she spoke to the defendant was in 2005 when he called her home in Woodstock, N.Y., and told her that he “and my daughter had a predestination to be together.” She said he asked her to relay that message.

“I tried to assure him in no uncertain terms that this was just a fantasy and he was projecting,” Thurman said, and that her daughter had no interest in him.

[From the Huffington Post]

One of my friends works for the Manhattan D.A.’s office and sat in on the trial for a few hours on Monday morning. She said Jack Jordan wasn’t one of those visibly crazy people that gives you the chills just looking at him. He looks normal, like a guy you could pass on the street. No odd behaviors or anything in court. She also said that he carries a large backpack with him wherever he goes in the courthouse and the courtroom, which is unusual.

The defense’s arguments so far are just that Jordan is a guy in love. With a side of crazy. But apparently they’re focusing on the love, and saying he needs mental help but not jail time.

Here’s Uma before her taping of The Late Show with David Letterman on April 16. Images thanks to PR Photos.

Britney Spears has been ordered to foot the bills for all the lawyers working on her conservatorship and custody cases, none of which are for more than three months’ work, and the total fees amount to nearly $400,000. In most cases Britney is being charged for work done by lawyers completely against her will.

A Los Angeles court on Thursday ordered payment of nearly $400,000 to the numerous lawyers involved in Britney Spears’s affairs – with the pop star footing the bill.

All the attorneys have been working on the case for less than three months.

Samuel Ingham, Spears’s court-appointed attorney, will continue to receive $10,000 a week, Commissioner Reva Goetz ruled.

Andrew Wallet, the co-conservator of Spears’s finances, will receive an advance of $100,000. (Wallet had not been paid since becoming involved last February.).

The firm which won Jamie Spears control of his daughter’s affairs will also be advanced $175,000, and a lawyer representing Britney’s brother Bryan Spears will get $22,500, while Stacy Phillips, Britney’s new divorce lawyer, will receive $75,000.

The singer’s father and Wallet remain in control of her life until a July 31 hearing.

[From People]

If I was Britney Spears I would be pissed! Her dad stepped in and really stemmed her massive spending, but instead of getting cars, chandeliers, wigs and bad fashion for her money she has to get by on $1,500 a week and all the rest goes to attorneys making up reasons to bill her. There have been accusations that the lawyers in the custody battle working for Kevin are inventing reasons to call hearings and press conferences because Britney’s paying for it all. Given the massive amounts of money we’re talking about that’s probably true. It’s not much of a logical leap to assume that most all of the lawyers working on something for Britney are trying to find creative ways to drag out the conservatorship and custody cases, complicated though they may be. At least she can see her kids again, but no wonder she’s getting back to work already. She has to pay all the people working to make sure she keeps them on gravy train.

Britney is shown outside the recording studio and leaving a hair salon yesterday, thanks to WENN.