Poor Linnocent! Poor crackhead is trying to get attention at the same time Kim Kardashian is filing for divorce. Good luck with that, crackie! So Linnocent managed to get a story in TMZ and Radar this morning, both about her legal options/crack shenanigans. TMZ’s report is all about how Linnocent hopes that the judge will just pay attention to what’s happened in the last week, and ignore the last six months of balls-out crackie behavior:

Lindsay Lohan will concede she violated her probation by getting kicked out of her community service program …TMZ has learned.

Lindsay will appear in court on Wednesday … where Judge Stephanie Sautner plans to hold a hearing on whether Lindsay violated her probation. But our sources say the hearing may be unnecessary, because Lindsay will not put up a fight.

Sources tell us Lindsay’s strategy — courtesy of Shawn Holley — is to show the judge she is now really, really serious about complying with the terms of her probation. She’ll come to court armed with proof she’s logged in 24 hours of service at the morgue — way more than the 16 hours the judge required before Wednesday’s hearing. And Lindsay still has time to put in more time.

Lindsay’s plan has its risks — she faces well over a year in jail if the judge throws the book at her. We’re told Lindsay is hoping for minimal jail time — two weeks — which would actually be way less because of overcrowding.

The wild card, of course, is Judge Sautner, who made it clear at the time of sentencing … if Lindsay violated probation she would go to jail. Based on the judge’s statements … it’s unlikely Lindsay would score a 2-week sentence.

[From TMZ]

I hope that Judge Sautner isn’t going to be fooled by LL’s new attitude towards her community service. Considering what a bitch-slapping the judge gave Linnocent last time, I have high hopes, although some of it isn’t in the judge’s hands. If the judge goes all hardcore and sentences LL to a year in jail, LL would get out… when? Maybe a month? Because the California jails and prisons are so overcrowded and everybody’s sentences get reduced once they’re handed off to the Sheriff’s Department. However, someone in the sheriff’s department did go on the record saying that if the judge hands down a big sentence, LL will be doing most of it. Here’s hoping.

Meanwhile, LL’s delusional rep, Steve Honig, tells Radar: “Lindsay recognizes it’s time to have closure on this. Lindsay has several projects we will be announcing in the coming months, and she is looking forward to being back on set. Lindsay has been doing eight hour shifts just like everybody else, and she is working diligently in fulfilling her obligations. Lindsay is being accountable and is taking this very, very seriously.” BITCH PLEASE. Don’t even start with that “she’s looking forward to being back on set” BS.

Here’s Linnocent looking for closure last night in Hollywood, where she went to a party dressed as… what? A cracked-out French maid?

Photos courtesy of Pacific Coast News.

Linnocent’s cracked-out court extravaganza is still scheduled for Wednesday, and until then, I’m guessing Radar and TMZ will continue to have endless reports about The State of the Cracken. Hint: it involves bruises, hustling and the smell of sulfur. Go here and here for recaps of what’s gone down over the past few days – including Linnocent’s completely idiotic tweet-justification/whine about how everyone is being mean to her. Anyway, Radar has a new report about how “hard” Linnocent is working right now to get a chunk of her community service done before the court date, and Radar’s legal source says something that I suspected – that even if LL is found in violation of her probation and “sent to jail,” she’s still going to have bail set. In fact, Linnocent is including HER bail bondsman in her crackie court entourage:

Lindsay Lohan will attempt to prove that she is fulfilling all her probation requirements when she goes before Los Angeles Judge Stephanie Sautner on Wednesday, RadarOnline.com is exclusively reporting. Lohan,25, was booted from the Downtown Women’s Center last week after she repeatedly failed to show up to perform community service in connection with her no contest plea in her theft case.

“Lindsay performed community service every single day this past week at the Red Cross, and has been spending the bulk of the weekend fulfilling her therapy and shoplifter’s course requirements. She is extremely focused on her court-ordered obligations,” Lohan’s rep Steve Honig tells RadarOnline.com exclusively.

With her court date looming, “Lindsay is really starting to rack up the hours now and is extremely serious about getting this done,” an insider tells us.

Lindsay was sentenced to 360 hours of community service at the Downtown Women’s Center, 100 hours at the Los Angeles County Morgue, weekly therapy sessions, and a shoplifting class. Judge Sautner specifically wanted LiLo to experience being around women that had fallen on very rough times, and that is why the Downtown Women’s Center was selected.

Sautner could order Lindsay to stop performing that part of the sentence at the Red Cross, and order her to another organization that deals with homelessness.

While Lindsay was overseas, she did weekly therapy sessions with her shrink on the telephone. “Lindsay was ordered to undergo weekly therapy sessions by Judge Sautner. Technically, Lindsay isn’t in violation of that order, because Judge Sautner didn’t specify that these appointments be done in person. It’s assumed that Lindsay would go see her therapist every week, but there isn’t a specific order stating how that session is to be conducted. Lindsay always pushes the envelope, no doubt. Judge Sautner will most certainly modify terms of her probation at her progress report hearing,” a source close to Lohan says.

Lindsay was given until May, 2012 to complete all terms ordered by Judge Sautner, and she has stated that she wouldn’t accept any excuses for it not being done on time. “Even if Judge Sautner revokes Lindsay’s probation on Wednesday, and remands her into custody, she will post bail immediately. Lindsay must be given bail because it’s a misdemeanor, and there would be a probation violation hearing, and that is when it would be determined by the judge if she should go to jail. Again, this is only if Sautner determines there appears to be a probation violation,” the source states.

Lindsay’s attorney Shawn Holley and her bail bondsman will be with her on Wednesday, ready for whatever the decision is.

Will Judge Sautner believe that Lohan is taking her requirements seriously, or will she violate her probation? It’s clear that Lohan’s immediate future rests with the judge’s ruling on Wednesday.

RadarOnline.com will be at the LAX Airport Courthouse on Wednesday for the proceedings.

[From Radar]

So, if Judge Sautner does find Linnocent in contempt of her probation (I have no idea what the technical term is, but I think “in contempt” works really well in this situation), what kind of sentence could be handed down? TMZ says that the possible sentence could be for more than 120 days – likely more than a year and a half. But how would that work with a bail situation? She would be sentenced to a year, let’s say, and bail would be set. So she would “check in” and then be immediately released on bail, and then what? Would she ever have to go to jail? I don’t really understand this part of it, but you can read more at TMZ here.

The whole crackie court extravaganza begins at 10 a.m. PST, which is 1 pm EST, where CB and I are. I think we’ll probably do an open post, and we’ll update with any relevant information.

Photos courtesy of WENN & Fame.

John Edwards has been indicted for misusing campaign funds to set up his mistress and lovechild in luxury while paying off a campaign aid to claim paternity of the baby. This means that he’s been formally charged and can either work out a plea deal with the prosecution or go to trail. (Kaiser explained all this to me much more clearly than I could ever understand on my own, so credit to her for that explanation!) The L.A. Times reports that Edwards has been refusing to plead guilty and has refused several plea deals so far. Here’s the story from People:

A federal grand jury has charged John Edwards with breaking campaign finance laws by using political funds to cover up his affair and out-of-wedlock child with Rielle Hunter while he was running for president in 2008.

He was indicted Friday in North Carolina on six counts, including conspiracy, four counts of illegal campaign contributions and one count of false statements. Edwards is expected to make a court appearance Friday afternoon in Winston Salem Middle District Courthouse.

At issue is money that was paid to Hunter and onetime Edwards aide Andrew Young to keep Edwards’s affair and love child a secret. Young even at one point claimed paternity of the girl, Quinn, though Edwards later admitted he was the father.

Investigators claim the funds paid to Hunter and Young from outside political groups and Edwards donors should be considered campaign donations since they aided Edwards’s presidential bid.

Edwards, 57, is said to want to put the episode behind him, one way or another. A source close to the former senator told PEOPLE in January: “John’s optimistic nothing is going to come of it, but even if not, he’s like, ‘Let’s get there, already.’ ”

The revelations of the affair and love child destroyed what was once viewed as a promising political career.

[From People]

I’m glad this is moving forward and that Edwards will have to answer for getting a campaign donor to fund his coverup. He’s allegedly still hitting up that same elderly benefactor for money to help with his defense, according to the Enquirer.

The National Enquirer scooped everyone for months on the John Edwards secret lovechild scandal, and they have more insider details on how Edwards is faring now. They say that his space cadet mistress, Rielle Hunter, has all but abandoned him and told him that she doesn’t want to help him with this case at all. She dumped his ass and he’s trying to cut her off from the money. It’s all too predictable and sad, considering that his cancer stricken wife didn’t get to see Edwards get his ass handed to him before she died. Here’s a segment from the Enquirer article:

“When John found out that he was close to being indicted, he begged Rielle to cover for him,” the close source divulged.

“He didn’t flat out ask her to lie, but he was hoping she would say and do whatever it takes to keep him from going to jail. He even begged Rielle to marry him right away in front of a justice of the peace.

“But Rielle thought that John’s marriage proposal was just another way to protect himself. She thought if she was his wife, she wouldn’t have to testify against him in a criminal trial.

“After screaming that he was ‘pathetic’ and a ‘coward,’ Rielle told John she was through taking chances for him. He cried to her, ‘I don’t want to go to jail!’ But she didn’t care. She went ahead and dumped him – and their relationship is pretty much over. There’s no repairing it now…

After Rielle stabbed him in the back, Edwards once again turned to his elderly benefactor… for a private meeting on May 26, say insiders…

“John is so angry at Rielle… that he’s cut her off financially on everything but her legal bills for the case and her $6,000 a month child support,” the close source revealed.

[From The National Enquirer, print edition, June 13, 2011]

I doubt Edwards will end up going to jail, but at least Rielle put her foot down and he’s facing some consequences for lying and scamming. Stories last year had him drunkenly trolling for women in college bars. Rielle was right when she called him pathetic.

The last we heard from Lindsay Lohan she was rallying against everyone who ever told her “no,” basically, since she’s been enabled and excused her entire life. It looks like she may finally be facing some long overdue consequences, as she’s been sentenced to 120 days in jail for her probation violation and could get even more time on the separate theft charge, for which she’ll be tried on June 3. She’s out of jail on appeal now, with her lawyer being so blindsided by the jail sentence that she scribbled her appeal on a standard legal form and just crossed out the parts that didn’t apply to Lindsay. It’s nice to know that the lawyer defending Lindsay is about as competent as she deserves. I’m sure Lindsay and Dina will be throwing her lawyer under the bus once Lindsay’s appeal fails spectacularly. (Fingers crossed!)

The latest in Lindsay news has details of her community service. She’s been sentenced to 120 hours of service at the morgue and 360 hours of service at a women’s homeless shelter. She’ll be “doing basic janitorial work” at the morgue, according to the Coroner’s assistant. She has a year to complete her service, which amounts to three months of full time work. Considering that she was unable to attend simple alcohol education classes that required a minimal time commitment, I think it’s safe to assume she’ll fail this as well. It’s been years since she’s worked even a month full time.

Lindsay Lohan, found in violation of probation, is facing the grim reality of 120 hours of community service – emphasis on grim.

The actress, 24, will be picking up trash, emptying trash bins, mopping floors and cleaning windows and restrooms at the L.A. County Department of Coroner’s facility.

“She’ll be doing basic janitorial work,” Coroner Assistant Chief Ed Winter tells PEOPLE. “She won’t be handling any dead bodies but she’ll certainly see them.”

This won’t be Lohan’s first visit to the downtown Los Angeles morgue. She previously completed a DUI morgue program following her second drunk-driving conviction 2007.

In addition to a four-month jail term, Lohan was also ordered Friday to complete 360 hours of service at the Downtown Women’s Center, a homeless shelter located in L.A.’s Skid Row.

Lohan must enroll in the two programs within a week and has a year to complete them.

Lohan remains free on bail pending an appeal of her sentence, which experts say she has slim chance of winning.

She faces a June 3 trial in her grand theft charge, which was reduced to a misdemeanor on Friday, facing a maximum penalty of an additional year in jail.

[From People]

Lindsay will probably pull a Naomi Campbell and wear sky high Louboutins to her community service, treating her walk to work like a catwalk until she bores of it and stops showing up after a week. Then when the end of a year rolls around and she’s failed to meet court requirements yet again, she’ll blame everyone else for her own personal failings, as her mother and father have taught her to do from a young age.

Meanwhile Linnocent is going to be on The Tonight Show this evening to get leered at by Jay while she tries to explain away her looming jail sentence. The interview was pre-taped and while we don’t have advance details, E! has a picture of the outfit Lindsay wears during the show and it’s surprisingly demure.

Let me anticipate how that is going to go – Lindsay will make a lot of excuses in her raspy 80 year-old smoker’s voice, she’ll talk about how she just wants to work and no one lets her, and Jay will make some dumb inappropriate jokes without pressuring her at all to tell the truth or face reality. In Lindsay’s world she’s still a star. There are still so many people around her willing to help her maintain that delusion.

Update: The Today Show had this clip of Lindsay’s appearance. She’s taking a small amount of responsibility and someone coached her on the right thing to say. She’s still operating under the delusion that this is about a simple mistake and is just about over. It’s only just begun for Lindsay.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Lindsay is shown outside her condo yesterday, 4/25/11. She loves to see the paps. Credit: Fame Pictures.

Well, our beloved Linnocent is due in court today, this, the High Holy Day of Crackhead Martyrs (no disrespect to Jesus, who is only the second biggest martyr after Linnocent). Linnocent’s judge, Stephanie Sautner, has already said that she’s not allowing cameras in the courtroom, so we’ll likely only be getting some photos of Linnocent’s crack stroll into the courthouse, and those will probably come later, I’m guessing. What’s interesting is that both TMZ and Radar are claiming that Shawn Chapman Holley will likely ask the judge today to reduce Linnocent’s charge from a felony to a misdemeanor. Here’s more:

Lindsay Lohan is bound to have a spring in her step with the news that Judge Stephanie Sautner is likely to reduce the Mean Girls star’s felony theft charge down to a misdemeanor in court today.

“Judge Sautner has indicated to the DA and Lindsay’s attorney that there is a very good chance that at the conclusion of the preliminary hearing she will reduce the charge from a felony to a misdemeanor,” a well connected source tells RadarOnline. “When Lindsay heard this news, the possibility that the charge could be reduced, she was practically doing cartwheels.”

And with good reason – there’s a big difference between the two charges – Felony grand theft carries up to three years in state prison whereas misdemeanor grand theft carries a maximum of one year in county jail.

“Lindsay’s fate rests in Judge Sautner’s hands, and the judge could decide not to reduce the charge in the end, but just the fact that she is considering it gives Lindsay hope,” the source close to the actress says.

During the hearing Deputy District Attorney Danette Meyers will be calling the jewelry store owner, the female clerk that was working when the theft allegedly occurred, the investigating officer and the police officer that Lindsay’s friend turned the necklace over to. Meanwhile, Lindsay’s attorney, Shawn Holley, is going to grill the jewelry store owner over her decision to sell the surveillance video of the alleged theft for a profit, our source says. It’s anticipated that the preliminary hearing will last one day. Holley will be calling just one witness, a jewelry appraiser. The price of the necklace is going to be a battle of contention between Meyers and Holley.

“If the judge decides that the real value of the necklace is far below the listed retail price of $2500, specifically $950 as has been mentioned, it’s a no brainer and the charge gets reduced,” the Lohan source tells RadarOnline.

But, even if Judge Sautner does reduce the charge to a misdemeanor, Lindsay still isn’t in the clear.

“If Lindsay is ordered to stand trial, even on a misdemeanor, she will still be automatically found in violation of her DUI probation,” the source says.

“Lindsay is telling her friends though that the judge won’t be sending her to jail on the probation violation at the conclusion of the preliminary hearing tomorrow, rather it will be dealt with at another time, most likely at the conclusion of the case, if and when it goes to trial. Lindsay simply has one of the best attorneys in Shawn Holley, hands down.”

The preliminary hearing will begin at 8:30 am PST.

Judge Sautner has denied cameras in the courtroom, but RadarOnline will be right there and reporting in real time on what is happening.

[From Radar]

“Lindsay simply has one of the best attorneys in Shawn Holley, hands down.” Yes, Shawn. We know. Now stop guzzling margaritas and calling Radar and TMZ. By the way, I don’t even agree that Shawn Holley is that awesome of an attorney. I think she’s good… for a celebrity client in the state of California. Put her up against a state legal system that isn’t so – errr – accommodating to celebrities and crackheads, well, Shawn might not be so awesome.

But I do find it interesting that even if this goes ahead as a misdemeanor (which I hope won’t happen), then Linnocent will still be under serious threat of going automatically to jail. For the love of God, PLEASE SEND HER AWAY.

And yes, I decided to use some of my favorite Linnocent photos for this very special Crack Martyr Day. And you guys can treat this as our official Linnocent Open Post!!

Photos courtesy of Fame & WENN.

This afternoon, TMZ was the first to report that Lindsay Lohan was definitely not taking a plea deal in her crack thievery case, and that she was now set to take this crack shenanigan all the way to trial. I didn’t write about it at the time because I thought it was just another BS Linnocent story, and I wanted to wait until tomorrow, the actual deadline for Linnocent to make her decision about taking the plea deal. Looks like TMZ was right, though. Radar reports that Shawn Chapman Holley, Linnocent’s long-suffering attorney, has notified the judge that no deal will be taken. Crack trial commence!

Lindsay Lohan’s attorney has formally notified Judge Keith Schwartz that she won’t be taking the plea deal that would have included jail time in connection with her grand theft charge, RadarOnline.com can report.

Lohan had to notify Judge Schwartz by today about her decision.

Contrary to reports, RadarOnline.com has learned that Lohan’s attorney only notified the Judge of Lohan’s decision at 3PM PT.

Lindsay will now appear in front of Judge Stephanie Sautner on April 22, 2011 for her preliminary hearing.

At the conclusion of the preliminary hearing, Judge Sautner will determine if Lindsay violated terms of her probation. If Judge Sautner orders Lindsay to stand trial, she will likely sentence and remand Lohan to jail immediately, even before her trial begins, for parole violation, for a term of at least six months.

Lindsay is charged with Felony Grand Theft after allegedly stealing a necklace valued at $2,500 from Kamofie and Company, a Venice Beach area jewelers.

Lindsay is facing a bumpy ride if Judge Sautner does order the 24-year-old to stand trial.

As RadarOnline.com previously reported Deputy District Attorney Danette Meyers will include as part of her case, past incidents in which Lindsay has been accused of theft.

“There is very damaging information about Lindsay’s past evidence of thefts, including a stolen Rolex, which a friend of hers reported as stolen last April 2010, which will be made public,” a source close to the situation told RadarOnline.com exclusively.

“Lindsay was investigated by the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department last spring after a friend reported that after leaving the Rolex at Lohan’s apartment, it wasn’t returned immediately. Actually, it was quite a bit of time later that the watch was returned to the person. The watch was valued at a whopping, 35k, and like the current theft case, Lindsay was photographed wearing the watch.

“Lindsay wasn’t charged in that case because the victim became uncooperative as soon as the watch was returned. The D.A. will be sending investigators out from the office to talk to the victim. Meyers wants to know if there was a financial pay off.”

Lohan was also accused of stealing a mink coat from Maria Markova in New York City in January 2008. Markova said at the time that Lohan took the coat at a nightclub, 1 Oak. The coat was valued at $12k. Markova claimed she was sitting next to Lohan at the club when the coat was allegedly stolen.

Markova said the next time she saw the coat, Lohan was wearing it in a magazine picture. Lindsay was not criminally charged in that incident either. “Meyers will be reviewing that information as well. It will absolutely be brought up either at the preliminary hearing or the trial,” our source said. “This will establish a pattern of behavior, that Meyers will prove beyond a reasonable doubt that Lindsay is guilty in this case.

“It doesn’t matter that Lindsay wasn’t criminally charged in those previous incidents. Meyers can, and will subpoena police that investigated those, and as well as the accusers if she needs to. Lindsay has major entitlement issues, which have led her down this very dark road.”

[From Radar]

TMZ takes a much more Linnocent-friendly approach, noting that she was a “credible defense” for the crack thievery, but it’s the probation violations that will ruin her, and the judge will have discretion as to whether those two issues – the crack thievery and the probation violations – will be joined into one case. And as we know, Linnocent’s violations keep stacking up, like so many tequila shots chased with lines of coke. The preliminary hearing is set for April 22 – from what Law & Order has taught me, my guess is that the hearing will be a preview of the evidence against Linnocent, and her strategy for beating the rap.

Photos courtesy of WENN, Fame & Terry Richardson’s archives.

But I thought Mel Gibson didn’t touch her and if he did touch her it was only because she’s a crazy golddigging whore who should be rightfully buried in the rose garden, which makes whatever Mel did or DID NOT do completely justified?!? Wow, my mind is blown. Mel Gibson has just accepted a plea deal on that whole “punching Oksana Grigorieva in the face” thing. The plea involves no jail time. Nuts!

Mel Gibson has struck an agreement with prosecutors and has made a plea deal in his looming criminal case … sources connected with the L.A. County District Attorney tell TMZ … and Mel will not get jail time.

Our sources say Mel will appear in court Friday and will plead no contest to simple battery — a lesser charge than corporal injury on a spouse.

As we first reported, Mel had been agonizing over the impending criminal charge — related to the January 6, 2010 blowout with Oksana Grigorieva — worried that a prolonged court fight would be a strain on his family, particularly his children. We’re told … even though Mel believed he could win the case — he struck the deal to protect his loved ones.

We’re told the deal involves counseling but NO JAIL TIME.

When contacted for a response, Mel’s lawyer, Blair Berk, released the following statement to TMZ: “I know from almost 20 years as a criminal defense lawyer that sometimes justice can come for a client at too high a personal price. That is particularly so for Mel, whose right to due process can only be exercised in this case with an enormous media circus attached.”

Berk goes on, “Mel’s priority throughout all of this has been that the best interests of his young daughter Lucia and the rest of his children be put first in any decisions made. It is with only that in mind that he asked me to approach the District Attorney with a proposal that would bring all of this to an immediate end.”

[From TMZ]

You know what? I like TMZ sometimes because they get good scoops and they often offer a particular kind of gritty perspective into the raw slanted stories pushed by a celebrity’s publicity team (see also: Halle Berry, Lindsay Lohan), but for the love of GOD, I really wish they would STOP sucking Mel Gibson’s dick. I know Mel needs his dick sucked all of the time, and if he doesn’t get it done, he gets really, really upset and starts smacking babies, women and trees, but does TMZ’s analysis of the plea deal have to include details like “Mel had been agonizing over the impending criminal charge…worried that a prolonged court fight would be a strain on his family, particularly his children. We’re told … even though Mel believed he could win the case — he struck the deal to protect his loved ones”? For TMZ, Mel = Jesus on the cross.

By the way, did anyone else read Vanity Fair’s article about Mel in the March “Hollywood Issue”? There are a bunch of really petty jabs at Oksana in that piece too, all said by Gibson loyalists. It’s worth a read, just so you can see Mel’s dwindling support in Hollywood, and how they defend him.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

I know this is totally going to ruin my day, because now I’ll be waiting for hours and hours, like a crackhead waiting for Crack Santa on Saint Crackhead’s Eve. So, yes, all media outlets are in agreement: Lindsay Lohan is going to be arraigned today on a charge of felony grand theft for her crack heist of a $2500 necklace. The arraignment will be held at 1:30 pm, Pacific (Crack) Standard, and Lindsay’s presence in court is required. I can already hear the crack wails now… but if that’s what I’m expecting, you know I won’t get it. Anyway, I’m already disappointed. TMZ announced that Lindsay won’t be handcuffed and dragged, kicking and screaming into a police car while Samantha Ronson points and laughs. There will be no “perp walk” – Lindsay is going to “surrender” at the courthouse when she comes in for her arraignment. Then she will have yet another booking photo taken (a new one!) and then she gets bail.

So… no jail, for now. The bail will likely be low, and Mother Crackhead will only have to hustle a little bit for the money. However, if convicted of the felony, Lindsay would end up going into a California State prison. I also think this “surrender” was probably pre-arranged. Lindsay’s lawyer Shawn Holley met with the prosecutor on Monday, and I suspect this is the arrangement that was negotiated.

Just a few more things – Mother Crackhead a “source” puts these words in Blohan’s mouth: “I honestly feel I did nothing wrong.” And “I’m pleading not guilty because I’m NOT.” Which is a telling double negative! Also, TMZ compiled a list of all of Lindsay’s known crack thievery but they didn’t even get to some of her most ingenious heists, like that one in Paris where she also “borrowed” some jewels – forever.

These are photos of Lindsay visiting the Santa Monica courthouse on Tuesday. She looks like hell, right?

Photos courtesy of Fame and WENN.

Well, we have our first glimpse of HOPE. Watch it carefully. It will be snuffed out faster than you can say “Mother Crackhead”. According to TMZ’s sources, the LA County’s DA’s office is prepared to bring charges against Lindsay Lohan for felony grand theft. For that ugly $2500 necklace that Blohan “lifted” from a Venice Beach jewelry store. While the DA’s office is refusing to confirm the reports, every outlet is running with it, and TMZ doubled down on their report by claiming that Lindsay’s lawyer Shawn Chapman Holley (that poor, poor woman) has already informed Lindsay that the charges will likely be filed on Monday. The maximum sentence for felony grand theft? Three years. Why do I think that even if this junk does end up happening, Lindsya would end up with something like probation?

Lindsay Lohan will be charged with felony grand theft … TMZ has learned.

Sources connected with the case tell TMZ the L.A. County District Attorney will file the case as early as Monday.

Lindsay is accused of stealing a $2,500 necklace (pictured above) from a Venice, CA jewelry store on January 22. Surveillance video from the store shows Lindsay with the necklace in question and there are photos of her wearing what appears to be the same necklace a week later.

If convicted … Lindsay faces a maximum of three years in state prison.

Sources connected with Lindsay tell TMZ … Lindsay says she’ll fight the charge and she’s sticking with her story that she took the jewelry on loan.

The case could also have a dramatic impact on her ongoing DUI case in Beverly Hills since she is currently on probation.

UPDATE: The D.A.’s office just issued a statement to an L.A. wire service that no decision has been made. TMZ reiterates — Lindsay Lohan will be charged with felony grand theft.

[From TMZ]

Shawn Holley released a statement to People Magazine: “We vehemently deny these allegations and, if charges are filed, we will fight them in court, not in the press.” Oh, she sounds worried. At this point, I hope she’s just racking up billable hours and making the Lohans pay her fees on crack layaway.

Oh, listen to this one – a “source” close to Lindsay (Mother Crackhead) told People: “Lindsay doesn’t understand how the store can file a police report when they let her borrow the necklace. She’s used to getting gifted items that are worth way more than that. And why would she steal a necklace? She has tons of jewelry and doesn’t need anymore.” Yes, she already has tons of jewelry that she already STOLE!! Why won’t anyone listen to Mother Crackhead?!? If Lindsay was going to steal another piece of jewelry, it would be much more expensive!! Seriously, go back and read that statement – look at the layers of denial and bullsh-t. “She’s used to getting gifted items that are worth way more than that” – meaning that Lindsay considers her crack thievery “gifting”. Meaning that just because Lindsay thinks she SHOULD get expensive jewelry for free, that gives her the right to steal whatever she wants. Ugh, I give up.

UPDATE: TMZ has a new “pity poor Blohan” story. TMZ’s sources claim that Lindsay’s thought process is, “People just don’t believe me and know I’m in a vulnerable position.” And Lindsay is claiming that “the jewelry store owner is seizing the moment by concocting a story that Lindsay stole the jewelry. Lindsay insists it was loaned to her. And we’re told … Lindsay is ‘extremely nervous’ about the prospect of going back to jail. Although she refers to the possible penalty as jail, it’s actually a lot worse … State prison. Lindsay is telling people, ‘Nothing is worth going back.’” Then maybe she should have thought of that before her crack thievery?

Photos courtesy of Fame.

Radar had a report earlier this morning about what exactly went down between Lindsay Lohan and that Betty Ford employee (now former employee) Dawn Holland, who Lindsay attacked in an alcoholic rage. It was as everyone suspected – “someone directly associated with Lohan’s camp” (MOTHER CRACKHEAD) said that they would pay off Dawn. The price: $25,000. Only that money never came. And chaos ensued.

The fired Betty Ford worker who accused Lindsay Lohan of criminal battery secretly cut a $25,000 deal with the Hollywood actress’ camp after refusing to testify against her, RadarOnline.com has exclusively learned. What’s more, a source also tells us exclusively that Dawn Holland fired her Los Angeles-based attorney Keith Davidson on Thursday afternoon after the payday never materialized. Davidson told RadarOnline.com that he is no longer representing Holland and says the decision was “mutual.”

The source continued: “Dawn agreed to a $25,000 payment from someone directly associated with Lohan’s camp,” a source with knowledge of the situation told RadarOnline.com. “Dawn wanted the amount paid upfront. But Lohan’s camp wanted to spread it out over a period of a few months, paying her in installments. That didn’t suit Dawn, so the parties then agreed, in principle, for Lindsay to participate in a sit-down television interview with Dawn.”

The plan was for Dawn’s camp to shop the interview to various media outlets.

“When the deal didn’t materialize, Dawn became frustrated, fired her lawyer and engaged new legal counsel.”

When asked by RadarOnline.com for comment, Davidson said: “It is true that Ms. Holland and I are not working together on this case or any other, and the decision was mutual. Without confirming or denying that there were in fact civil settlement negotiations, if in fact there were negotiation they would be confidential, and I would therefore be prohibited on commenting on it.”

It is not immediately clear if Lindsay was aware of the deal.

According to Holland, a drunk Lohan, 24, and two other female patients tried to sneak back onto the rehab’s premises by jumping a wall but were caught by security. But Holland, a recovering addict, retreated from the explosive charges she first made in a paid interview with TMZ.

As RadarOnline.com first reported, Holland told law enforcement she wanted charges of battery against Lohan dropped and then-lawyer Davidson said “nor will she be assisting any further in the investigation or prosecution”. The source stopped short of saying that the payment to Holland was struck to buy her silence and cooperation, a situation that would likely have legal repercussions.

The Riverisde County DA still has not made a decision on possible charges against Lohan from the Betty Ford incident with Holland and the Los Angeles County Probation Department and a Beverly Hills judge could still find that the troubled star violated probation.

[From Radar]

Just a few hours after this report came out, more sources “close to Dawn Holland” went to Radar and gave them more interviews. They claim that there never was a specific “deal” with Lindsay or Team Lohan. A source tells Radar: “There was never even a deal set in place to begin with; it was an idea. There was no deal. It was never brought to Dawn. She never got any friggin’ specifics, that’s the problem. That is the problem that is the issue here. That is why she sought another attorney.” Apparently, Dawn and her first lawyer did discuss the idea of a payoff, and that Dawn was “aware” of the negotiation because she’s in dire need of money. She’s broke, and Betty Ford is withholding her workman’s comp.

So… why didn’t Dina just pay the relatively paltry sum of $25,000 to make this go away? Did they not have the money? Isn’t Lindsay staying in a $8000-a-month rental so she can stalk Samantha Ronson?

Photos courtesy of Fame.