It seems that Foxy Brown’s spate of run ins with the law have finally caught up with her: she’s been sent to jail for violating her probation. Remember a few days ago, when we reported that she hit her neighbor in the head wit her Blackberry [http://www.celebitchy.com/5302/foxy_brown_charged_with_assault/]? Well it turns out that dreams do come true, and Brown has been sent to jail. Not specifically on the Blackberry offense, which has yet to go to trial (though it would sure be nice if the justice system worked that quickly). But because she was arrested for a violent crime, her probation was revoked. It also turns out – and here’s the real surprise – that Foxy hasn’t been going to her anger management classes. Can you believe it?

“A judge has jailed troubled rapper Foxy Brown for violating her probation, authorities said.

“Officials had sought to have the probation for the 27-year-old entertainer revoked after she was arrested last month in Brooklyn on charges she smacked her neighbor with her cellphone, said Jack Ryan, a spokesman for the city Department of Probation. They also complained that Brown had skipped her anger management classes and failed to get permission before traveling outside the city.

“On Thursday, Criminal Court Judge Melissa Jackson ruled Brown would have to remain behind bars until a hearing on Sept. 5.

“A call to Brown’s attorney was not immediately returned.

“Brown, whose real name is Inga Marchand, was on probation for attacking two manicurists at a nail salon in 2004. She was arrested again on Aug. 17 for allegedly assaulting Arlene Raymond, 25, on July 30 after the pair got into a fight over Brown blasting her car stereo.”

[From USA Today]

It’s hard to tell if Foxy has an anger problem or a sense of entitlement. She’s spoken out several times saying that people are trying to take advantage of her, and fabricating stories of her assaults. Um, that’s a whole lot of people. It’d be a pretty massive conspiracy. She seems to think that fame buys her the right to do whatever the hell she wants. If she wants to blast her music outside her neighbor’s apartment, she can do that. And if she wants to smack her in the head for complaining about it, well that’s her right too! Ridiculous to think she should do otherwise. Her argument only carries so much weight – after enough legal troubles due to her angrily assaulting people, it’s hard to believe her anymore. In other news, according to the New York Post, Foxy has announced that she’s pregnant and getting married. That’s going to be fun to do from jail.

Picture note by JayBird: Here’s Foxy at Spring Fashion Week in Bryant Park. Thanks to WENN for the pic.

There’s stars you hope get a second chance, and stars you hope get locked away forever, and for most people, Lindsay Lohan is the latter. The self-centered actress might actually get off without being charged for possessing cocaine. Apparently that whole, “I was holding it for a friend” and “these aren’t even my pants, I don’t know whose pants they are!” lines actually worked. Somehow that’s created enough uncertainty that the district attorney is considering dropping those charges. Yeah that doesn’t make sense to me either. It’s not like the DUI cases hinge on the cocaine, so if it doesn’t stick, what have they lost? Apparently this is a huge boon to Lindsay. Having three charges would pretty much guarantee she’d spend some time in prison if found guilty. Having two supposedly would mean several days in jail instead.

“The Los Angeles County District Attorney’s office is disinclined to charge Lindsay Lohan with three drug-related felonies, a decision that could spare the troubled actress from a prison sentence, celebrity news outlet TMZ.com reported on Tuesday. The charges are connected with Lohan’s two recent arrests for drunken driving, first in May when she crashed her car on Beverly Hills, and then in July when she was involved in a late-night car chase in Santa Monica.

“TMZ, citing unidentified law enforcement sources, said the 21-year-old actress would likely face misdemeanor drunk-driving charges for both incidents. If found guilty of both, she would serve a minimum of four days in jail, TMZ.com said. Legal experts have said Lohan could face up to three years behind bars if confronted with the full weight of the law.

“Asked about the TMZ.com report, district attorney spokeswoman Sandi Gibbons said the office has not yet received the Santa Monica case and the Beverly Hills case remains under review. ‘A public discussion of potential charges prior to a case being filed would be inappropriate and potentially unethical,’ she said.”

[From the Washington Post]

I can think of few things that would make me happier than Lindsay Lohan being faced with the “full weight of the law.” Well aside from being faced with the “full weight” of a steamroller. That girl should just not get any more chances. It’s one thing when you mess up your own life (not that it’s great, I’m just saying), but when you recklessly chase people down the highway because something makes you mad, that’s unacceptable. I’m hoping this is all bull, or exposing it creates such an outrage that they decide to charge Lohan with everything they possibly can. She really needs to learn a lesson, and learn that following her whims isn’t the most important thing in the world. She also has some serious rage issues that need to be dealt with. Ahh, if only I had my steamroller.

Picture note by JayBird: Header image of the infamous, but appropriate, wax prisoner Lohan at Madame Tussaud’s, which looks much prettier than the real one. Image thanks to PR Photos.

So Bill Murray’s been kind of quiet lately. That’s not really news in and of itself, supposedly he’s a recluse and not exactly on the list of hot young celebrities. But he’s really smart and talented and once in a while puts out a really great movie, so he certainly deserves to get a mention when he joins the hot young destructive celebrity set, and gets his very own DUI. Yes, at the age of 57, Bill Murray finally has what it takes to be young and powerful in Hollywood these days. If only he’d have a pantyless crotch shot, he’d be made.

Murray was taking part in the Scandinavian Masters golf tournament in Stockholm this weekend. He had a bit to drink. Not so much that he was slurring or tipsy or falling over or anything. But enough that driving a golf cart through the streets of Stockholm seemed like a good idea. Driving a golf cart on the streets isn’t illegal in and of itself, but driving much of anything after imbibing any drink more potent than a dose of Nyquil is quite illegal. Europeans are famously more tolerant towards alcohol, but much less tolerant towards DUI/DWIs. Which is how it should be. A first infraction can often mean significant jail time and a loss of a person’s drivers license for the rest of their life. Apparently that won’t be the case for Mr. Murray, as he wasn’t ridiculously drunk and likely returned to the States.

“Bill Murray could face a drunken driving charge after cruising through downtown Stockholm in a golf cart and refusing to take a breath test, citing U.S. law. Police officers spotted the “Caddyshack” star early Monday in the slow-moving vehicle and noticed he smelled of alcohol when they pulled him over, said Detective-Inspector Christer Holmlund of the Stockholm police.

“‘He refused to blow in the (breath test) instrument, citing American legislation,’ Holmlund told The Associated Press on Wednesday. ‘So we applied the old method — a blood test. It will take 14 days before the results are in.’ Murray, who had been at a golf tournament in Sweden, signed a document admitting that he was driving under the influence, and agreed to let a police officer plead guilty for him if the case goes to court, Holmlund said.

“‘Then he was let go. My guess is he went back to America,’ Holmlund said. He said the 56-year-old actor-comedian would only be charged if tests show his blood alcohol level exceeded the legal limit, which is quite low in Sweden. A very high alcohol level could lead to a prison sentence, but Holmlund said fines were more likely.

“‘There were no obvious signs, like when someone is really tipsy,’ he said.”

[From Yahoo News]

The things unknown untalented actresses will do to get attention these days. Oops, I mean Bill Murray. Apparently the golf cart had been outside of the hotel Murray was staying in, on display for the past week. I guess temptation became a bit too much to take, and Murray absconded with it, driving the cart to the Cafe Opera nightclub. The nightclub was less than a mile away, but I’m guessing that was one long, slow mile. I wonder what role that crazy Caddyshack gopher played in this whole debacle, and if he was cited too?

Picture note by JayBird: Here’s Bill at the The Lost City Los Angeles Premiere in April 2006. Image thanks to PR Photos.

R. Kelly, the super-gross most-likely child pornographer will be heading to court in September – and the weeks prior to that have been filled with pre-trial hearings. Today the judged ruled that they can show the video of Kelly having sex with the alleged 13/14 year old girl during the trial. Kelly’s defense team has had some real winners, in terms of excuses why Kelly is innocent. Part of the problem is that they’re throwing out too many of them. They’ve said the videos are newer than thought, making the alleged victim older. They’ve said that it isn’t Kelly, and that they images of him are computer generated. I’m pretty sure their next line will be about aliens having inhabited his body. The victim also claims it’s not her on the tape, though that’s a recent change in her story.

“A Cook County judge has upheld a ruling allowing the media and public to view a videotape allegedly showing singer R. Kelly having sex with an underaged girl.

“Prosecutors asked Judge Vincent Gaughan (GAWN) to reconsider his earlier decision. They say allowing it to be viewed in open court would re-victimize the girl.

“But Gaughan noted that the girl who prosecutors say is in the video has denied it was her.

“Prosecutors claim the video was made between January 1998 and October 2000, when the girl may have been as young as 13.
Kelly has pleaded not guilty to 14 counts of child pornography.”

[From USA Today]

Let’s not forget that this is the man who married singer Aaliyah when she was 15, back in 1995, when he was 27. Wikipedia notes: “In 1995, a rumor surfaced that 15-year-old Aaliyah and 27-year-old R. Kelly had secretly married. Both camps initially denied the rumor, but VIBE magazine published a copy of their marriage license, which showed that Aaliyah’s age had been falsely listed as 18. The marriage was annulled a few months later.” So there’s a legally documented history of Kelly preferring underage girls. Anything under 17 is considered underage in most jurisdictions, including Cook County, where Kelly’s trial is taking place. I really don’t understand why this guy still has a successful career and why this hasn’t tainted his image, but I hope he gets what’s coming to him in prison.

Picture note by JayBird: Here’s R. Kelly at his Trapped in the Closet: Chapters 13-22 Premiere. Image thanks to PR Photos.

Pete Doherty has got to be the luckiest guy in creation. I mean aside from the unshakable addiction gene the guy’s carrying around. I don’t know how he does, it, but time and time again he lucks out and manages to avoid any serious jail time. I’m not sure if he does it just by constantly checking into rehab or if rehab is constantly imposed by the courts, but either way, he has yet to do any real time.

Doherty was arrested on Monday for a drug offense, again. This resulted in a breach of bail charge, since he’s already on bail and probation for other drug offenses. Though to be fair, it’s probably safe to assume that at any given time, Pete Doherty is under investigation for a drug crime. The police had 24 hours to bring Doherty before the court, and didn’t do so in the allotted time, so the judge had to dismiss the charges.

“Senior British police officers are tonight reviewing procedures after a bail breach allegation against singer Pete Doherty had to be dropped over a technicality. Doherty, 28, arrived at West London Magistrates’ Court today following his arrest yesterday in Tower Hamlets, east London. But the rocker later walked free after the charge was dropped because he was not produced before the court before the legal deadline of 24 hours.

“A police spokesman later said senior officers from Tower Hamlets were ‘reviewing processes to establish why Mr Doherty was unable to be brought before the court within the 24-hour timeframe. It would be inappropriate to go into any further detail until the Metropolitan Police Service is absolutely clear about the exact sequence of events,’ the spokesman said.

“He added that the law relating to the timeframe had been clarified earlier this summer. During today’s court hearing, which lasted just a couple of minutes, prosecutor Anjulika Vatish said: ‘The court has no jurisdiction to deal with this matter any more.’ She told the court that Doherty had been arrested at 2.35am yesterday.

“District Judge Susan Williams agreed that the court had no jurisdiction. She said: ‘Anyone arrested for a breach of bail must be brought before the court and dealt with in a 24-hour period.’ The singer, who did not appear before the court, left the building today wearing his trademark black trilby. Doherty gestured at the waiting photographers and then jumped into a green Jaguar and was whisked away.”

[From Ireland Online]

I’m not a fan of simply locking drug addicts up in jail, and I understand that doesn’t treat the real issue. But when a guy like Pete Doherty has been in more rehabs than there are leaves on a tree, I can’t help but think some cold hard time might do him some good. I think the guy needs a reality check. It seems like he’s either adamant about not quitting, or he’s so addicted that he simply can’t. There’s really no way to know – that’s something that only he really knows, though whether he’s aware of it is another story. It seems like the odds are pretty good he’s just going to repeat his cycle of drug and alcohol abuse until he dies. It appears that most people in his life have already written him off – whether that helps or hurts is hard to say. Theoretically it could be an incentive for him to change his behavior – but I really doubt much of anything will.

Picture note by JayBird: Here’s Pete at the V Festival this past weekend. Image thanks to PR Photos. Header image Thanks to Pretty On The Outside.

There was some back-and-forth about Lily Allen’s work visa issues. We published an article a few weeks ago which stated that her visa had been revoked, and then updated it based on Allen’s publicists statement that the issue was blown out of proportion by the media. Well it turns out that the publicist was full of bull, because Lily has had to cancel her appearance at the MTV Music Awards and postpone her US tour.

“Her tour was due to begin in San Diego on 6 September but a record company spokesman said reinstating the visa was ‘taking longer than anticipated’.

“The visa was cancelled after Allen flew into Los Angeles and was questioned over an assault in London.

“’I’m so disappointed. I’ll be back as soon as I can,’ said the singer, 22.

“Her spokesman denied she had been dropped from the MTV ceremony in Las Vegas on 9 September.”

[From the BBC]

Publicists annoy the crap out of me. You can have stories from reputable sources like the AP, BBC, and Reuters and they’ll still say it’s not true. Just because you don’t want it to be true doesn’t mean it isn’t. Well even though Allen’s publicist called reports of her suspended work visa “rubbish” and said “’She’s in Las Vegas [shooting a video] right now,’” the reports were entirely true. All of the stories made it clear that Lily had been allowed into the country, but that her visa had been suspended which meant that she wouldn’t be allowed back into the country once she left. It’s screwy and makes no sense, but that’s how it works. Lily is said to be really upset, since she made a commitment to her fans. She canceled a string of US performances a few months ago, and was supposedly looking forward to a more successful tour.

“’She was not dropped from the awards and MTV are hugely disappointed that she will not be able to participate,’” he [Lily’s manager] said. The singer, whose hits include Smile, is nominated for best newcomer. ‘I was really looking forward to playing these shows and being part of the video music awards,’ Allen said.

“The singer had previously said she would do ‘everything I can’ to honour the US tour dates. Earlier this year, Allen postponed a string of other dates in the US saying she was “bored” and wanted to concentrate on her second album.

“She was arrested following an incident outside a London nightclub in March and this resulted in a caution for common assault. Allen is due to perform at this weekend’s V Festival after pulling out of several other European festivals due to illness.”

[From the BBC]

That sucks for Lily, as I can kind of understand going apeshit on a bunch of photographers. When we look at the pictures of celebrities, it normally just seems like there’s one photographer, or you even forget that they’re there. Then you see those videos of someone just walking down the street with a million flashes going off. I’m not saying we should feel sorry, I mean they’re famous, rich, and knew what they were getting into. But I can’t imagine how a person could function like that. It would be distracting and scary, so a well-aimed kick to a photog’s crotch once in a while may be understandable. But in a weird way I’m glad her visa was revoked, because she did commit a crime in her own country, and if anyone else did that, they wouldn’t be granted a visa. So I’m glad Lily’s no exception just because she’s famous. And I want to find her publicist and kick him in the crotch for all the double talk.

Picture note by JayBird: Here’s Lily at Kanye West 30th Birthday Party on June 7th. Header image of Lily at the Harry Potter And The Order Of The Phoenix London premiere on July 3rd. Images thanks to PR Photos.

I can think of few people I’m more afraid of than Foxy Brown. Checking Wikipedia, Brown has eight arrests since January 1997. Most of them seem to be issues stemming from her anger issues. There’s also a lot of issues with her spitting on people (which is technically assault). Brown was arrested and charged with assault and possessing a weapon after she hurled her Blackberry at her neighbor. The weapon in question was the Blackberry itself, which legally counts as a weapon if you use it as such.

“The latest arrest could lead to her probation being revoked. ‘We have filed a violation of probation with the court,’ said Jack Ryan, a spokesman for the city Department of Probation.

“Brown was arrested Tuesday for allegedly assaulting Arlene Raymond, 25, who lives near the rapper in the Prospect Heights section of Brooklyn, on July 30. Police said the two women got into a fight over Brown blasting her car stereo. Raymond alleged that a few days later, they passed each other on the street and Brown hurled her BlackBerry at her, cutting her lip and knocking a tooth loose.

“Brown, whose real name is Inga Marchand, was released on $50,000 bail after her arraignment Tuesday on charges of felony assault, misdemeanor assault and criminal possession of a weapon. Her manager, Chaz Williams, said the charges were false. Brown’s lawyer, state Sen. John Sampson, didn’t immediately respond to requests Thursday for comment.”

[From the Associated Press]

Brown was on probation due to an incident in 2004 when she attacked two manicurists at a New York City salon over her $20 bill which she refused to pay. She was sentenced to three years probation and forced to attend anger management counseling. Restraining orders were also granted to the manicurists. This latest infraction means she could go to jail – not for the Blackberry incident itself (though it’s possible) but because committing another assault is a violation of her probation from the 2004 incident. I think it also proves that the anger management counseling has done absolutely nothing for the pint-sized singer with a huge sense of entitlement. I’d really like to know what it is she’s so angry about. All of her criminal troubles stem from either run-ins with service people, police, or her car. Her first arrest, at the age of 17, came after she spat on two hotel employees when they told her they didn’t have an iron. Her next was for getting into a car crash while driving with a suspended license. There were several altercations with police officers (both in and out of the country), and several altercations with judges, one of which led to her being handcuffed to a bench for 15 minutes. Then there were all the poor salon owners. Never, and I repeat never, do Foxy Brown’s nails or sell her glue for her weave. Either way, you’re likely to end up with something thrown at your eye. And of course, being spit on. This is Foxy Brown, after all, and she’s known for being classy like that.

Picture note by JayBird: Here’s Foxy Brown at the Louis Vuitton Anniversary Party. Header image of Brown performing at the launch of WHN financial website (why??) on July 20th, 206. Images thanks to PR Photos.

The wrath of K-Fed continues: Britney’s former assistant, Shannon Funk, has been served by Federline’s Israeli commando. I’m pretty sure K-Fed keeps commandos on retainer now. I’m also pretty sure the wrath of K-Fed is more the publicity seeking of his lawyer, Mark Vincent Kaplan. Funk was served as she got off a Jet Blue flight from New York City this late last night. I’m going to assume that she was actually served as she exited the airport – though the way most of the other articles are writing it, you’d think commandos were lined up on the tarmac or something.

“The legally embattled singer’s most recently excused assistant, Shannon Funk, was the latest member of the entourage to be served with a subpoena by Kevin Federline’s legal team, requiring her to testify about Spears’ parenting skills in the couple’s ongoing custody case.

“The 21-year-old Funk, who served as Spears assistant for just under a month, before getting the ax in the wake of a disastrous cover shoot with OK! magazine, was served with the legal papers Tuesday by Federline’s lawyer, Mark Vincent Kaplan, just after touching down at Southern California’s Long Beach Airport.

“Funk had just returned from a short stay in New York City, where she was snapped by paparazzi enjoying a girls’ night out with, ironically enough, senior members of the OK! magazine staff.”

[From E! News]

Funk signed a confidentiality agreement when she was hired by Britney, but several websites are saying she’s the “anonymous source” that’s been giving out so much information about Spears lately. Then there’s that issue with her being photographed having a girls night out in New York… with senior staffers from OK Magazine. There’s a lot of speculating that they paid for her trip to NYC.

I’m not sure that Shannon Funk wil be a very reliable witness. She only spent a month with Britney before she was fired, and by most accounts that’s not because Britney fires too easily; Funk was a disaster from start to finish. She’s widely blamed for the OK Magazine debacle (you know, the one with the dog pooping on the expensive dress – she was the one who used the dress to wipe up the dog’s poop). That might have just been spin to take the heat off Britney, since she had similar “meltdowns” several times in the following weeks. Who knows, I’m just saying Shannon Funk’s deposition might present a problem, in that she seems like she’d be an unreliable witness.

Apparently there’s another round of subpoenas being issued by Mark Vincent Kaplan. That guy really wants to make sure he goes after everyone who’s ever seen, talked to, or smelled Britney Spears. Next up, K-Fed will be serving Britney’s goldfish. I heard all she ever feeds it is junk food – those prepackaged multicolored flakes. And his water? Not purified, despite what Britney’s team will tell you.

Picture note by JayBird: Header image is Shannon with Britney before she was fired. Image thanks to WENN.

Photoshop composite from Planet Hiltron

Getting coked up, commandeering an SUV, engaging in a high speed chase, and having police draw their guns on you are just part of an average evening out for Lindsay Lohan, but it turns out the people being chased weren’t such big fans of the whole experience. The passenger is the car Lohan hunted down last month has filed a lawsuit against the sorta actress. Praise Jebus! I wonder if you can get served at a rehab facility?

“Lindsay Lohan was sued Tuesday for assault and negligence by a woman who was a passenger in a car the actress is accused of chasing while under the influence of drugs or alcohol. Lohan ‘put me through one of the most frightening experiences of my life,’ Tracie Rice said in a statement after the lawsuit was filed in Los Angeles County Superior Court.

“’What Miss Lohan did that night was extremely dangerous and reprehensible. Someone could easily have been killed or seriously hurt because of her irresponsible decisions that evening,’ Rice said. The lawsuit also alleges intentional infliction of emotional distress. It seeks unspecified damages and also payment of medical and other expenses related to emotional distress.”

[From the Associated Press]

Not that a coked-out, crazed Lindsay Lohan isn’t infliction of emotional distress in and of herself, but thanks to Lohan’s unbalanced and dangerous behavior, they all ended up with guns pointed at them. That’s certainly traumatizing.

“The lawsuit doesn’t provide a reason for the chase. However, two men who claim they were unwilling passengers in the car driven by Lohan have said she was upset with the daughter of Michelle Peck. Peck was driving the vehicle carrying Rice. Rice ‘was convinced that their lives were in danger and that they had to outrun the pursuing car or they might be killed,’ the lawsuit said.

“Peck finally drove through a barricade and into the parking lot at the Santa Monica Civic Center next to police headquarters and the sport utility vehicle followed, the lawsuit said. Rice got out and ran toward police officers and saw a woman, who turned out to be Lohan, run from the SUV toward her, she contended. ‘Police officers approached all of them with guns drawn,’ the lawsuit said. Lohan was arrested a short time later.”

[From the Washington Post]

That must have been incredibly frightening, and I’m very sorry Ms. Rice had to go through that. But I have to admit the thought of a bunch of cops pointing their guns at Lindsay is the least she deserved that night. I hope it scared her like she scared all those passengers and motorists. I wonder how many of the other people involved that night will sue her? It seems like they’ve all got a pretty good case against her. Rageaholic actress steals car with two passengers already in it, refuses to let them out, chases the mother of her former assistant through L.A. at high speeds, and ends up getting arrested and testing positive for alcohol and drugs. I’m no lawyer, but considering Lohan’s well documented destruction, I’m guessing they’d all have cases. I really hope she gets served in rehab. She needs to actually understand that there are real consequences for her actions. Plus, the image of Lohan scrubbing toilets while being given legal papers will help me sleep a little better tonight.

Here are some reasons not to like Stephen “Belafonte,” Melanie Brown’s new hidden husband. 1. He killed a duck. Not while hunting, or eating in a restaurant. The guy just went out a killed a duck with a brick. Now there’s probably more to this story – or maybe not. Sociopaths kill for no reason and without conscious, and target animals. I’m not saying Stephen “I changed my name to make you think I’m the famous singer’s son” Belafonte is a sociopath, I’m just saying they share some traits. That’s also Celebitchy’s new nickname for him, and I think it’s a winner.

“Melanie Brown’s new husband Stephen Belafonte owes a New Jersey court a $600 fine after he was allegedly found guilty of killing a duck.

“The film producer, 32, was found guilty of an animal control charge after he admitted of throwing a brick at a mallard outside his home in Point Pleasant, according to British newspaper The Sun.

“An Ocean County court spokeswoman said: ‘A warrant has been issued over unpaid fines and costs relating to an animal control offence. He will be arrested if he returns to the area.’

“Belafonte, who wed the Spice Girl in secret in June (07), admitted attacking his ex-partner Nicole Contreras and was given a suspended jail sentence.”

[From Ireland Online]

None of this is cool. Bludgeoning a duck? Not okay. Beating up the mother of your child? Not okay. There is absolutely no excuse for domestic violence. An argument with another human being is something I vaguely understand – the person can talk, move, etc. An argument with a duck doesn’t compute. This guy isn’t such a winner.

Scary Spice’s mother, Andrea Brown, wasn’t told about the wedding, just like the rest of the world. One would think a mother could be privy to such private information, but apparently that’s not the case.

“Andrea Brown – who was kept in the dark over the wedding - described it as a ‘big mistake’, claiming that her daughter was on the rebound from her split with Eddie Murphy. But a friend of Mel’s said she went into the relationship ‘with her eyes open’ and is well aware that her new hubby is ‘no angel.’”

[From Digital Spy]

No angel is one thing. Psychopathic duck murderer is quite another. I may poke fun at Stephen “Belafonte” because I think he’s a poseur, but this story truly makes me so sad. I love animals more than I love some people. It seems like when a couple gets this much bad press so early on, they generally don’t make it. So let’s see, “Belafonte” has a rap sheet, he beat up the mother of his child, he’s been sued for unpaid child support ($254 a month), and he’s a brick-toting duck killer. Now I imagine him wandering around ponds, waiting for the some poor feathered victim to take his rage out on. You suck, Stephen Standsbury. Oops. I mean “Belafonte.”

Picture note by JayBird: Here’s a Central Park mallard. Header image is Mel B and Stephen “Belafonte” leaving the Baglioni Hotel on June 29th. Images thanks to Splash Photos.