Yesterday we covered some excerpts from Levi Johnston’s new book, Deer in the Headlights: My Life in Sarah Palin’s Crosshairs. I pretty much skimmed the whole book, and I mentioned that I was impressed by how well it was written, meaning there’s no way that Levi had penned a single sentence. He does credit his ghost writers in the epilogue, and mentions that he wanted to put their names on the book jacket, but that they declined. It’s easy to understand why they would prefer not to be associated with this memoir in any way.

Yesterday Levi was on the Wendy Williams show to promote the book. He came across much better than he has in the past. He seemed just somewhat stupid and dull as opposed to completely uninteresting and slow. He’s learning how to handle the spotlight and has been working on his interview skills.

When describing the reasons why he and Bristol broke up for the second time, Levi said that the media claimed he had gotten a girl pregnant that he hadn’t seen in years. Levi said to Wendy, “It went downhill real quick. Apparently I got someone else pregnant that I hadn’t seen in five years… I did not get anyone pregnant.”

Levi is talking about this National Enquirer report that came out in late July of last year, after his second engagement to Bristol, claiming he had gotten a girl named Lanesia Garcia pregnant. Only in his book he openly admits sleeping with Lanesia, an old girlfriend, in January of 2010, he just says he’s not the baby’s father. That’s about six months prior, not five years.

Levi’s ghostwriters wrote:

In January of 2010, more than a year after Tripp was born and I’d moved out of the Palin house, I did hook up with Lanesia for one short night. Six months later, the international media community was announcing that Lanesia was pregnant with my child. She announced that she was barely pregnant – and the father of the child was her longtime boyfriend, and she had no f*cking idea why anyone was connecting her to Levi Johnston at this point.

She called me and said I needed to clean up this mess.

A second reason why this baby could not be mine, as if another reason were needed, was that I’d used protection.

[From Levi Johnston's memoir Deer in the Headlights]

He totally lied and he did sleep with that girl, he just wasn’t the one who got her pregnant.

Oh and some of that other stuff he said in the interview (video above) about how Bristol was jealous of her mom’s pregnancy was not in the book at all. The way it was described in the book, Bristol planned to get pregnant after her mom did, but it wasn’t out of envy at all. It was more like Bristol was influenced by her mom’s pregnancy and her new baby brother, not that Bristol wanted to upstage Sarah.

I guess I can’t blame Levi for forgetting what’s in his own memoir since I doubt he’s even read the whole thing.

Levi is shown out in NY yesterday. Credit: WENN.com

Imagine my surprise (or mild amusement really) when I found an ad for Levi Johnston’s new book on one of our favorite sites, D-Listed. That’s the first time I’ve heard that the book Levi has threatened to release for months is actually out. Levi’s new memoir Deer in The Headlights: My Life in Sarah Palin’s Crosshairs has been published by Simon & Schuster. Judging from the passages I skimmed, the book is highly readable, interesting and relatable. They got Levi an incredibly competent ghost writer who makes him sound both coherent and self aware to a degree that is in no way supported by the dull, halting interviews he’s given to date. Levi is a high school dropout who posed for Playgirl and at one point wanted to run for mayor of his Alaska town. In an interview on “The View” announcing his candidacy (which never materialized), he was incapable of reciting a single reason why anyone should vote him. So it’s laughable to imagine Levi writing this book in any fashion since it actually flows well and describes things simply and vividly. Here’s an example in which he talks about his family. Levi’s love of hunting and the outdoors is a common theme throughout:

My male relatives… were ballsy, somewhat crazy, and still are. Not in a Deliverance kind of way though. They wouldn’t think twice about running a wild river in a canoe, catching air on a snow machine, jumping four-wheelers, or flying off hilltops 120 feet downslope. Those same men had unending patience as they taught us boys what we needed to know to be out there, on our own and safe…

I know who I am from hunting. It’s my identity – a world and an activity I know as well as anyone. Better. It’s a place where I can survive.

Kodiak brown-bear country is different from the heavily treed home of black bears need Wasilla. Kodiak land is mushy, swampy in the valleys, with adler that has been stunted by the wind, the cold and the fog. The saplings are ten, twelved feet high. Sometimes you see the tops of these thickets trembling as a bear pushes through, on the move. You guess the direction and cut that bear off or you’ll lose it.

A snow machine? Is that what they’re calling snowmobiles now? (It seems to be the case as they’re called snow machines consistently.) The passages in this book are evocative and interesting. I actually enjoyed reading some of this because it described nature and hunting in a way that changed my perspective. Levi had some incredible stories to tell, like when he nearly got sucked into a whirlpool when he was canoeing with his uncle. They had to wade through ice cold water for hours at night before they made it the ten miles back to camp.

As for what people are really interested in, The Palins, Levi didn’t say much that we haven’t already heard from him, but he did say it in a convincing way. He described a home life in which mom Sarah was in her own world, separate from her husband and the kids. Her husband Todd did his own thing, hanging out in his man cave and sleeping on the couch at night. Here’s the part where Levi describes that:

Claims Sarah and Todd were estranged, Sarah ignored her kids
The first time I went snow machining with [Todd], he surprised me. At home he is like a shadow. Always in the garage, doing something. Away from home, Todd was a totally different guy. He opened up and we had fun together. Todd and I got home one night and he walked back to his house, past Sarah, who was on her way to her bedroom with her typical dinner, a Diet Coke and chips. They didn’t say a word to each other, yet Todd’s face darkened. He went back to his usual grumpy self and headed for his hidey-hole, the garage, where he could be alone…

For the most part, Sarah was as distant as Todd. She gave out hugs and handshakes to the public, but in private, she didn’t reach out to her kids. If she was in one of her hyperjoyful moods, they she might grab one of them as they went by. Otherwise, she left them alone.

If they wanted something, she’d give in, always. It wasn’t important to her to get her own way about uninmportant stuff – things she wasn’t all that interested in.

Most days, by the time Bristol and Willow got home, Sarah was out of sight. She’d be in her first-floor, cavernlike bedroom with its big walk-in closet – that might have been a huge master bedroom, but it was all hers, not Todd’s, although he kept his clothes in there. He spent his time in his workshop in the garage, with overnights in the living room. Still dressed…

I was spending more time with her family than she did…

I never – I mean never – saw Sarah and Todd touch or kiss, other than for a photo op. They barely even talked to each other.

Levi (his ghost writer) was really sweet and gushing when he described how he fell in love with Bristol and spent time with her dreaming about their futures. He didn’t try to nullify their past at all. At this point I just started skimming looking for the good parts, and I found a few but there are probably more.

On how Levi and Bristol told Bristol’s parents about Bristol’s pregnancy
Todd, who had been watching Sarah first, and then me, was in that place where some quiet men go. Look out.

Do you think I’m going to support Bristol and your baby? His voice was loud. Suddenly he wasn’t so quiet after all.

Well, no.

You need to quit school, get a job.

Sarah picked up. You guys are going to have to get married.

Maybe. After we graduate, I was thinking. Had been thinking.

This was the only time she mentioned marriage – until, that is, the McCain team would make it an issue.

Sarah Palin lied when she said she told Bristol she had a choice to abort
There was no talk of abortion. Sarah would later say that she told Bristol it was her choice and her daughter made the right one… That’s total fiction, although Sarah might be deluding herself or just doesn’t know the truth. Bristol got pregnant on purpose. She had finally come clean, admitted to me that she hadn’t been taking her birth control pills. We were having a baby, end of story.

Levi’s ghost writer calls Sarah out a few more times in the book. He mentions that Sarah called her baby Trigg retarded in a joking way (we’ve heard that before), that she lied when she claimed that he purposefully wasn’t there for the birth of his son, Tripp (he made it there as soon as possible), and that she got livid when he tried to tell her that there wasn’t any difference between questioning Obama’s birthplace and people questioning whether Trigg was actually her son. Levi calls out Bristol, too, for fibbing to the press about her plastic surgery. He does it from his perspective without directly calling her a liar.

On Bristol’s plastic surgery (prior to her new face)
During the time we were together, before she was pregnant, Bristol had had her double chin reduced… Then she decided she needed to get her breasts reduced.

On Bristol’s new face not being necessary
Bristol has had more cosmetic surgery; she showed off her changed features a week before my twenty-first birthday. She told the media about the braces she used to wear. I remember those endless orthodontist’s appointments. I never knew it wasn’t all taken care of – the alignment issue she pointed out as the reason for her reshaped jaw. I did know she had continued to complain after the lipo about the remaining roundness of her cheeks…

There’s a lot in there about the custody battle for Tripp, about how Sarah and Bristol tried to keep Levi from his son and tried to block his visitation at every turn. Here’s another segment I’d like to share, about how Sarah was a big flirt. I doubt she was into Levi though.

Sarah Palin regularly flirted with other women’s husbands
All along my female friends had been trying to convince me that Sarah had had a cougar crush on me and was jealous of Bristol once we had a child together…

It’s a classic situation, my female friends told me, while their menfolk rolled around on the floor cracking up.

What did come to mind was how Sarah behaved with men her own age. I remember her standing next to my dad in the stands in the hockey rink in Fairbanks, rubbing the back of his neck. He wasn’t the only guy she was flirty with. I thought my mother would have a stroke. What could she say? Get your paws off my property?

Sarah could care less as she linked arms with another father and walked away. It was her mojo, her strength. Her sexuality. It was pretty powerful.

There’s more I’d love to repeat, and I’ll include some bullet points below.

For those who are still raging over the Casey Anthony “not guilty” verdict that was delivered last month by a Floridian jury, a slight bit of catharsis (albeit no further justice) can be had in the news that Anthony has been voted to the top of a “Top 10 Most Hated People” poll. Of course this news will do nothing to settle the unrest aimed at the Anthony jurors, who fortunately have been spared the same dubious honor. C’mon, they were really only doing their jobs. Anyway and because I don’t want to freshly stir that pot, let’s get on with the rest of the list, shall we?

What do Casey Anthony, Spencer Pratt and Jon Gosselin have in common? A new poll suggests they’re the most hated people in America!

These public figures top findings by Nielsen subsidiary E-Poll Market Research, the New York Post reports. Joining them are famous names such as O.J. Simpson, Paris Hilton and ‘Octomom’ Nadya Suleman, all making way on the following top 10 list:

1. Casey Anthony
2. Spencer Pratt
3. Octomom
4. O.J. Simpson
5. Jon Gosselin
6. Levi Johnston
7. Jesse James
8. Paris Hilton
9. Heidi Fleiss
10. Howard Stern

“A lot of the folks on this list are people who are constantly in the news and have nonredeeming qualities,” Mary Ann Farrell, Senior Vice President of Research at E-Poll, says.

[From Hollywood Life]

Okay, I completely understand why Anthony and Simpson are on this list because they’re basically cut out of the same legally-scandalous grain. Also truly reprehensible are Spencer Pratt (and his extremely expensive crystals) and Nadya “Octomom” Suleman because she’s a drain on the taxpayers and acts like such an entitled bitch concerning her own womb. People don’t like Levi Johnston because he’s a reprehensible, deadbeat famewhore and Jesse James because he cheated on and humiliated Sandra Bullock. Naturally, Paris Hilton’s entrance on this list is rather self-explanatory. As to Howard Stern, he loves to be hated, so he’ll probably feel like he accomplished something today. However, do people still care at all about Jon Gosselin or Heidi Fleiss? Their inclusion makes me wonder whether or not the company presented people with a list and asked them to pick which ones they hated the most instead of asking people to name their own suggestions. Pollsters can be so shady like that.

Photos courtesy of WENN

The last we reported on Levi Johnston’s sister, Mercede, she was claiming that her Levi’s ex, Bristol Palin, had undergone liposuction and a breast reduction prior to her stint on Dancing With The Stars. This was before Bristol showed up with an entirely new face that she later claimed was medically necessary to reshape her jaw or something. Prior to going on DWTS Bristol worked as a receptionist at a “dermatologist’s” office so I don’t doubt that she had other cosmetic procedures before she got a new face.

Mercede is currently featured in a nude pictorial in the latest issue of Playboy, since they’ll take anyone with a meager connection to the infamous. She has an accompanying interview in which she predictably trashes the Palins like her brother Levi has done before her. Mercede calls Sarah Palin unfit to be President since she couldn’t serve out her term as Governor, which is public knowledge. The most interesting part is where Mercede claims that then 17 year-old Bristol Palin planned to get pregnant with her son, Tripp, and that she worked on it for several months with Levi. Mercede also claims that Bristol’s brother, Track, was an Oxycontin and cocaine addict who was sent off to serve in Iraq in order to get out of his mother’s hair during the 2008 campaign. We’ve heard this about Track before.

Levi Johnston’s sister posed nude for September’s Playboy, but because people read it for the articles, we have to listen to her babble on about her tenuous connection to the Palins of Wasilla. The New York Post has tidbits from the interview:

On Sarah Palin as president: “I think she’d have had a mental breakdown. As governor she quit on us. What does that say about her?” Also, “I would say 70%” of Wasillans “can’t stand” the ex-governor…
Despite that: “It’s hard to get a job in this town because of the Palins. People say, ‘Oh, Mercede Johnston, I don’t know if people are going to come in if she works here.’ ”
Bristol’s sweet text to Levi about impending daddydom: “Ever since the moment I found out I was pregnant, I prayed to God you weren’t the father.”
Bristol Planned her pregnancy: “Bristol’s pregnancy wasn’t an accident. She and Levi planned it. They were trying to conceive for months.”
Bristol’s brother Track Palin was an addict: “He did OxyContin and mostly cocaine. He didn’t choose to go into the Army; he went there because his mom made him, to get him out of the way so when she was at the convention they wouldn’t know he does drugs and would think he was a patriot.” Maybe he was getting it from someone dear to Mercede?

[From Newser, NY Post]

Who knows if this chick is telling the truth. Her own mother plead guilty to a felony count of dealing Oxycontin and was sentenced to three years in prison in November of 2009. I wouldn’t doubt that Track, who is now married with a baby on the way, was doing drugs.

As for whether little Tripp, Bristol’s baby, was planned that would be a real bombshell if it’s true. Bristol described her first time with Levi as happening during a camping trip when she was blackout drunk on wine coolers. She later explained that she wasn’t accusing him of rape and defended her decision to keep on having sex with him. “We did it that one night and I just figured it’s okay to do it again because I’d already broken my moral code.” You might assume that’s what Mercede means when she says her brother and his ex were “trying to conceive for months.” They were having sex and they weren’t doing anything to prevent pregnancy. It sounds like Bristol was pretty deep in denial about it too.

In an entry on what is supposedly Mercede’s official blog, she claims that Bristol’s story about the camping trip is entirely trumped up and that “Personally I have never even heard of a single case where a girl continues to date her rapist for years, while enjoying an active and consensual sex life, and then actively TRYING to have a baby with this person who supposedly ‘took advantage of her’.”

A short while ago, every media outlet got selected excerpts from Bristol Palin’s new memoir, and the excerpts began a national conversation about rape, surprisingly. In her memoir, Bristol discusses how she lost her virginity when she was 17 years old, blackout drunk on a camping trip with Levi Johnston (her boyfriend at the time), with other friends. Bristol’s story was basically that she got blackout drunk on wine coolers, doesn’t remember a huge chunk of time, and when she woke up in the morning, her virginity was no more and Levi told her that they had done it (Bristol claims they both agreed to wait until they were married).

When I covered this, my immediate reaction was sympathy towards Bristol, because in my youth, I had a few nights where I was blackout drunk and doing dumb stuff too. It happens, and it sucks, and if Bristol is telling the truth, it’s a horrible way to lose your virginity. The problem, however, is that Bristol – and the Family Palin – doesn’t have the best relationship with The Truth, and while Bristol might have been telling a version of what happened, I also thought that she was probably just trying to tell a version in which her responsibility was taken away in a wine cooler haze. I also think it’s tricky when you’re talking about blackout drunks – for all we know, Levi could have been blackout drunk as well, or Bristol could have given her consent, and Levi simply didn’t know how far gone she was, etc. There were extenuating circumstances which I thought were obvious, which is why the scandal surrounding Bristol’s story was confusing to me. Some claimed Bristol was saying, in a round-about way, that she was date-raped by Levi. I understand that position (but disagree) – and if you’d like to read a well-written piece about Bristol and the “shades of grey” re: date rape, go here to Pajiba.

Anyway, Bristol has a new interview with Good Morning America today. The first question she fields is about the story of her losing her virginity, and Bristol says that while she feels like her virginity was “stolen”, she’s not accusing Levi of rape: “That’s what it felt like. I’m not accusing Levi of date rape or rape at all. But I am looking back with the adult eyes I have now and that was a foolish decision. I should have never been underage drinking, and I should have never gotten myself into a situation like that.” Here’s the video:

Ugh. So… Bristol says it’s not rape, and she does seem to take responsibility for putting herself in that situation. Which… is what a lot of rape victims do too. “If only I hadn’t invited him in… if only I hadn’t been drinking…” After seeing her explain it, I do tend to think she’s carrying around some pain about all of the crap that went down with Levi.

Oh, and “I’m not an abstinence preacher… I think if you want to prevent teenage pregnancy, that’s the only option.” And then she goes on to talk about how she was on The Pill. For the love of God. I have little sympathy for that part of Bristol Palin – the part of her that shills abstinence when she was on The Pill, couldn’t be bothered to take it correctly, had sex, got pregnant, had more sex, and still profits from the abstinence message. That part is BS.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

At this point, we can stop with the argument that Bristol Palin is just a private citizen, right? I felt that changed long ago, even before Bristol was on Dancing With the Stars. Not only is she a “celebrity” now, we can also stop with the argument that she’s just a “child” or that she’s somehow “off limits” simply because she‘s the daughter of a politician. That ended before Dancing With the Stars too, by the way, and this current Bristol situation only underlines the point. I didn’t know this before Saturday, but Bristol has “written” a memoir. Ten bucks says she didn’t actually write it, but that’s neither here nor there. The memoir/autobiography is called Not Afraid of Life: My Journey So Far, which I’m assuming is some kind of conscious effort to stay away from a title that could easily be made into a porn film title.

So, the publisher of Bristol’s book has been sending out advanced copies and excerpts. Because she’s so off limits and private! In the book, Bristol talks about how she lost her virginity, and SURPRISE, it’s not her fault. Shocking, I know. If it actually went down like this, I am very sympathetic towards her, but “being blackout drunk on wine coolers when she was 17 years old” maybe isn’t the most conservative excuse you could come up with:

When Bristol Palin lost her virginity, it wasn’t the romantic experience she had envisioned. In her new autobiography, Not Afraid of Life: My Journey So Far, the 20-year-old single mom reveals that, while drunk for the very first time, she lost her virginity to Levi Johnston during a camping trip.

Palin says she woke up alone in her tent, with no recollection as to what happened. Johnston, meanwhile, “talked with his friends on the other side of the canvas.”

When she confronted him about their sexual encounter, Johnston, now 21, told Palin what she wanted to hear: they wouldn’t have sex again until they were married. But, Palin writes, they became intimate again shortly after. When she learned she was pregnant in 2008, Palin was on birth control pills prescribed to treat her cramps; it took eight home pregnancy tests to convince her that she was expecting.

Palin’s parents, to her surprise, were incredibly supportive. They also reminded her to stay focused on the future, particularly her continuing education. Johnston’s reaction was less comforting. “Better be a f***ing boy,” he told her.

The memoir, co-written with Nancy French, describes Johnston (the father of Palin’s 2-year-old son, Tripp) as a “gnat” who is “constantly spreading false accusations against our family.” Palin also calls him a self-involved slacker “who cheated on me about as frequently as he sharpened his hockey skates.”

And yet, Palin writes that when her mother, Sarah, was introduced as Senator John McCain’s vice presidential pick in August 2008, being on display with Johnston “somehow legitimized us as a couple.”

After Tripp’s birth in December, Palin discovered via text message that Johnston had been cheating on her. Once Johnston admitted to the affair, they decided to break up. Eighteen months later, the couple reunited and shocked their families with an announcement: they were engaged. Shortly after, Johnston informed Plain that he had gotten another woman pregnant, which ended their relationship for good. “I’d just made a complete fool of myself and given my family the middle finger,” Palin writes.

Johnston, for his part, will share his side of the story with his own book, Deer in the Headlights: My Life in Sarah Palin’s Crosshairs, which arrives in bookstores this fall.

[From Us Weekly]

Wait, what? So she doesn’t remember losing her virginity because she was blackout drunk (her “first time” with both drinking and sex?), but she was on the pill (because of cramps…?), and she and Levi still had sex even though they both swore to wait until marriage? And in this disarray, she got pregnant. Sure. Don’t get me wrong, it happens, it happens a lot. It happens to a lot of young women and adult women. That’s the point. It happens, so why not be realistic about it, politically? Why continue to shove abstinence-only education down everybody’s throats? Why PROFIT from that message?

Some photos of Bristol’s new and old face. I kind of liked her old face better.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

In Touch has details from a tell all from a former campaign aid to Sarah Palin. It’s called Blind Allegiance to Sarah Palin and was written by a guy named Frank Bailey. The parts that In Touch focuses on sound like the same thing we heard from Sarah’s daughter’s former redneck fiance, Levi Johnston, back when he hit the scene. (And before he reunited with Bristol briefly. That was hysterical.) There’s undoubtedly more in the book than just these few claims, including details on how Palin allegedly lied about Troopergate.

Apparently Sarah was pressuring Bristol to hide her pregnancy and let Sarah adopt the baby without revealing that it would be her grandchild. Sarah was worried (with good cause) that having a 17 year-old pregnant daughter would hurt her chances at the Vice Presidency. (As would being completely unprepared, defensive and unable to follow through on her commitments, but she didn’t seem to worry much about any of that.) Bailey also writes that Sarah told Bristol that abortion was an option for her, and didn’t rule that out. It’s surprising to hear that she was open about abortion, considering that her public stance is staunchly pro life. And Baily claims that Sarah and her husband Todd didn’t talk and were fighting, which we’ve also heard before.

Sarah’s relationship with her eldest daughter is totally dysfunctional, according to former campaign aide Frank Bailey, who says he witnessed Sarah mocking, berating and terrifying Bristol. And now, he’s finally speaking out in an explosive tell-all, Blind Allegiance to Sarah Palin.

Abortion was an option
Sarah’s total disregard for her daughter’s well-being was never more apparent than when Bristol told her mother she was pregnant at the age of 17, Bailey says. Determined to minimize the effect on her political career at any cost – including her daughter’s feelings – Sarah apparently ignored her own pro-choice leanings [sic!] and gave Bristol the option of having an abortion. “I left the decision to her,” Sarah confessed to Bailey, “and Bristol wants to keep it.”

Sarah told Bristol to let her adopt the baby
But then, determined to bury the scandal, Sarah even pressured her to give the baby up for adoption – to Sarah herself. “Sarah kept mentioning this plan,” Bristol’s then-boyfriend, Levi Johnston, has said. “She didn’t want people to know that her 17 year-old daughter was going to have a kid.”

Sarah’s daughters suffered when she was away
Bailey says Sarah must accept her share of the Blame for Bristol’s pregnancy. With her eyes focused on political fame and fortune, she all but abandoned Bristol and younger daughters Willow, 15, and Piper, 10, who spent weeks without their mother.

And very quickly, Bailey explains, their lonely lifestyle began to take an obvious toll, as the girls’ grades suffered and they began to make tearful phone calls to their mom on the campaign trail. “I recall one day when Bristol phoned… crying while Sarah sat in my office,” Bailey recalls. “Sarah rolled her eyes. I felt pained for Bristol.”

On Sarah’s marriage to Todd
“This union for sure had its rocky side,” Bailey reveals, admitting that those around them were aware divorce was a real possibility. Sarah was rumored to have cheated on Todd, and he had a habit of hacking into her email account. Things got so bad, Sarah broke down and told Bailey, “We’re not like other couples… we don’t talk.”

[From In Touch, print edition, June 13, 2011]

All that stuff about how Sarah somehow neglected her daughters while she was working or was an absentee mom rubs me the wrong way. It’s hard to judge from just this blurb, but it sounded like she was necessarily off campaigning and not like she abandoned them or anything.

In Touch incorrectly wrote that Sarah “apparently ignored her own pro-choice leanings,” and that’s obviously a mistake on their part. In her memoir Going Rogue, Sarah noted that she actually considered abortion “for a fleeting moment” when she heard that her youngest son Trig, now three, would be born with Down’s Syndrome. She has stated that she’s opposed to abortion except to save the life of the mother, so if it’s true that she told Bristol she could potentially terminate the pregnancy I’m surprised. I would give Palin some credit for being open about that, but it sounds like it was more about her political career than any doubts she might have about being pro-life.

Now that this tell all is out and basically scoops Levi Johnston’s planned tell all (along with offering more details about other Palin scandals) what’s that poor high dropout going to do? Levi’s book doesn’t come out until the Fall, and I doubt it will be a success.

Sarah Palin is shown outside the Fox news studios on 6/1/11 on her “One Nation” bus tour. She’s also shown on 5/29/11 taking part in the “Rolling Thunder” motorcycle rally for POW/MIA. Bristol Palin’s new face is shown on 5/3/11. Credit: WENN.com

The last we heard from Levi Johnston, he was trying to run for the mayor of Wasilla, Alaska as some sort of thin plot for a reality show. Levi, 20, is not a high school graduate and as far as I can tell has not yet obtained his GED. When asked during an appearance on The View last October why people should vote for him over the incumbent, Levi had nothing at all, and simply said he didn’t have enough time to prepare an answer. The reality show and the mayoral candidacy never came to fruition. He also had that laughable spread in Playboy for which he failed to get buff and didn’t show full frontal.

Now that Levi has no career or education to speak of, he’s writing a tell all about the Palin family. He’s previously talked a lot of smack about the Palins, claiming that his would-be mother in law Sarah Palin wanted to keep his then-girlfriend Bristol’s pregnancy a secret and adopt the baby, and that Sarah’s marriage is on the rocks. He took some of that back after he briefly reunited with Bristol last summer, but now that Bristol has moved on he’s ready to talk.

Levi Johnston is not done baring all.

The recent Playgirl nude model, who had a relationship with Bristol Palin and fathered Sarah Palin’s grandson Tripp, is ready to give an inside view of the famous family.

His story will be revealed in Deer in the Headlights: My Life in Sarah Palin’s Crosshairs, to be released this fall by Touchstone Publishing.

“I want to tell the truth about my close relationship with the Palins,” Johnston, 20, says in a statement released by his publisher. “My sense of Sarah and my perplexing fall from grace – how I feel and what I’ve learned.”

Johnston adds: “I’m doing this for me, for my boy Tripp and for the country.”

[From People]

I have no love for Sarah Palin, but this kid is a joke. He needs to go back to school and find something else to do with his life. He’s not interesting, funny or particularly attractive so all he has left to trade on is some insider information about the Palins that he’s already blabbed about to multiple outlets. If this book written by some ghostwriter pisses off Sarah Palin though, I’m all for it. She’s like an angry little bee sipping sugar water all day. All you have to do is give a half-assed wave of the hand and she flies around trying to sting anything she can see.

Photos are from August and October of last year. Credit: Fame Pictures

Levi Johnston was on The View on Monday trying to promote himself. He’s running for mayor of Wasila, Alaska as part of the plot for his as-of-yet unsigned reality show. Barbara really lit into him right off the bat, and it was amusing.

Barbara rips Levi
“You and I have not met. I have to say that in my mind I have walked out on you many times. You became famous for impregnating a 17 year-old girl. You’re 20 years old, you don’t have a high school diploma yet, you don’t have a trade. Now you’re running for mayor. Would it not be better for you, instead of seeking publicity, to learn a trade, to find a job, to get an education and to support your son?”

Levi then gave Barbara and the rest of the panel yellow roses. It went downhill from there, though. “Um, I’m going to have to say, running for mayor is a job, that is the job I want to take.” When Barbara asked him if he was qualified for that job he lamely answered “There really are none. You’ve got to live in city limits for one year. You don’t need a high school diploma, which I’m working on anyway. I feel like it’s one of the biggest challenges of my life and I want to do it for me and my son.”

Barbara countered that “there are people there who need jobs and the economy is not that good and there are other problems and you don’t think you need to have any experience?”

Levi on how he’s qualified to be mayor
“I believe.. you’ve got to listen to the people. I feel if I go around talk to people just like any other mayor. Like, maybe not now I might not be ready, but a year from now yeah.”

Sherri asked “You’ve got a depressed state, you’ve got people who have serious problems.. do you think that you are hurting the people of Wasila?”

“I don’t see how I’m hurting ‘em any more than the next guy coming up saying ‘hey, I want to make a change for Wasila.’”

On his 2009 interview with Vanity Fair trashing Sarah Palin
“I stand by everything I’ve ever said,” he offered without elaborating. This of course includes his allegations that Sarah Palin’s marriage is on the rocks and that Sarah wanted to keep Bristol’s pregnancy a secret and adopt the baby for her. Barbara brought all that up again and all he did was repeat the statement.

He has no idea why people should vote for him for mayor
Whoopi asked why people should vote for Levi instead of a more experienced candidate and he said very plainly “At this point in time, I couldn’t tell you.” This cracked me up so hard. He tried to explain “I said I was running for mayor, what a month ago?”

Sherri was all “usually when people say they’re running for mayor they’ve thought about it before they run.”

This kid is a joke and he has no clue. I honestly wrote that before I heard Whoopi tell him “I really want you not to be the joke people are making you out to be, because becoming mayor of a town is a big deal… Have you seen things around Wasila that have bothered you and that’s why you wanted to run?”

Joy asked “What’s motivating you?” and Sherri wanted to know if he was a Republican or a Democrat.

On why he’s running
Levi would only say he’s a “conservative” rather than aligning himself with a party. His motivation was rather weak. “Wasila is a great place, I just want to keep it that way for my son and for everybody.”

On whether he’s running for mayor for a reality show
“That’s how it got brought up, yes, but it’s become much more than that to me.”

Barbara concluded “I’ve been tough on you, but I have to give you credit. You came here, you didn’t walk out, you sat here you answered our questions as best you could.” Then she gave him his rose back! Yeah he’s a joke and I hope that the incumbent wins and that no networks pick up his reality show. This kid’s 15 minutes were up when he got shown on camera at the Republican National Convention with his pregnant fiance.

Here’s Levi outside the View on 10/18/10. Credit: Fame Pictures

Below is the new music video for Brittani Senser’s new song “After Love”. This is the video that stars little Levi Johnston, which he filmed just before he and Bristol Palin got back together. Once Bristol took one look at this video, she dumped Levi all over again. Did she break up with him because of the video, or were there lots of reasons and the video just didn’t help? I have no idea. Anyway, I have no idea who Brittani Senser is or why she’s considered a “singer” or why anyone financed this video, but here you go. I’ll put my beat-by-beat analysis below the video:

0:04 – Just rain and a chick. No Levi dong yet.

0:11 – Wait, is this Brittani chick the girl or the mom?

0:23 – My God this. Is some. Atrocious! Acting.

0:27 – SLAP! Good. The little hobag deserved it.

0:44 – This chick has kind of a drag queen face, correct? And I guess she’s calling up Levi’s dong to tell it that there will be no more “I’m a virgin, y’all” sex.

0:50 – Question: Why is the hobag standing in the doorway of a barn in a one-shoulder cocktail dress… in the rain?

1:07 – LEVI! Levi in black and white. Very artsy-fartsy. I can see why it threatened Bristol.

1:20 – I want to know what Levi is whispering in her ear! I think it was “pull my finger.”

1:30 – Is she about to masturbate against the barn door? If she’s okay with doing that, why does she need Levi? Or is she going to masturbate against the barn door while she thinks about the last time Levi finger-banged in her the field? Ah, romance.

2:02 – Mama Hobag is on the phone! “Officer? My daughter is a hobag and she’s jerking off her loser boyfriend on our front lawn. Yes, come quickly.”

2:29 – Ooh, Levi gets stopped by the cops! Mama Hobag did call the police, but she was all “Just arrest him after he finishes finger-banging my daughter on the lawn.” Obviously, this is all a music video allusion to Trooper-gate.

2:48 – Um, what is the charge? Why is Levi being arrested? FREE LEVI.

3:08 – Oh, Levi just get taken to Mama Hobag in cuffs by the arresting officer. What kind of f-cked up police force is this? That cop could totally lose his badge. And he should. But maybe the cop knows Mama Hobag likes it kinky.

3:22 – What is in the envelope? Is she planting drugs on him? Oh, wait – is she a process server? “This whole thing was a ruse to get you to testify!”

3:39 – So Levi calls his hobag and says something to her. Probably something like, “Baby, it’s a subpoena! I have to testify, I’m a material witness!”

4:06 – Levi walks upon Finger-Bang Knoll, sadly. And then he leaves, never to be heard from again.