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I’m pretty sure that there are few better ways to save a marriage than television. And nothing is more likely to salvage your precious relationship than going on some reality TV show… except perhaps going on a court TV show. And since that’s clearly the best route (and makes a lot more sense than marriage counseling) that’s the way that prestigious star Gary Coleman, 40, and wife Shannon Price, 22, decided to go.
The pair showed up for Divorce Court with Judge Lynn Toler, where they proudly claim that they have a dramatic and stormy relationship. And I say proudly because they can never stop talking about it. As fiery and temperamental as Coleman appears to be, Price appears dumb as a box of rocks, and more like a teenager than a 22-year-old.
She tells the story of being frustrated with Coleman’s lack of support when she got into a disagreement with a friend who claimed to know when the world was going to end. Yes, that story really was worth bitching about on national television. Apparently Coleman tried to pacify Price and said the guy had the right to his end-of-the-world opinions, and that pissed her off. But really, what marriage hasn’t suffered from this exact same fight?
Apparently the two often fight because Shannon wants kids, and Gary hates them. You’d think that would have come up before the two walked down the aisle together, but apparently not so much. Shannon also says that Gary has a bad temper, and says that “If he doesn’t get his way, he throws a temper tantrum like a five-year-old.” I love that she has the nerve to compare little Gary Coleman to a child not just to his face, but on national television. Both parties admit that when he’s pissed, Gary bangs his head against the wall. And he gets so upset that he can’t even breathe. Sounds like the cornerstone of a loving relationship if you ask me.
Apparently they also fight until three in the morning, because “We’re night people. Sleep all day, up all night,” according to Price. She also dislikes that Gary doesn’t want to have any friends or a social life, and says his general negativity is bringing her down. And Judge Toler gives them some great advice.
While I’m not entirely sure it serves a purpose, Judge Toler makes Gary Coleman list all the things that he thinks are wrong about him. He mentions not only his temper but also says he has low self-esteem and doesn’t feel that he’s been “very successful in life.” He also says he doesn’t feel financial secure and feels like he’s wasting Shannon’s time.
It seems pretty clear that Coleman and Price aren’t on Divorce Court to divorce so much as to get some cheap dime store counseling. And milk the novelty of their relationship for as long as they possibly can. And frankly, given how little work Gary Coleman sees these days, I can’t really blame him. Tomorrow they’ll be on again, and we’ll get to find out if they’ve actually had sex yet. My money is still on… no. Actually it’s more that I hope they haven’t, because I want to keep unsettling images out of my head.
She misses gum and fur, and uses a reference to Martha Stewart to make a veiled comparison to her own imprisonment:
