The story is that Lindsay really did go to the hospital to have her appendix removed, but bloodwork found abnormal levels of liver enzymes and low protein, suggesting her liver is suffering from all that vodka she consumes. The National Enquirer makes it out to be a grave situation, but Lindsay is young and if she dries out and starts living healthy she might be fine. It’s doubtful that will ever happen, though. She seems to have serious emotional problems that she might actually have to think about if she stopped drinking and stayed in for a few nights. She should learn to cope with life’s dissapointments by just watching television like the rest of us. She’s certainly got the shopping therapy down:

The ENQUIRER has uncovered the REAL story behind Lindsay’s recent emergency appendectomy on Jan. 4.

“The appendectomy was routine, but what doctors discovered in her blood work was not,” a source close to the actress told The ENQUIRER.

“Lindsay’s liver panel shows her drinking is taking a terrible toll on her health. Her liver enzymes are extremely elevated, and doctors warned her if she doesn’t quit boozing she could die!”

The high levels of two particular liver enzymes indicate that some of Lindsay’s liver cells are damaged and are leaking these enzymes into her blood.

In addition to the raised enzymes, the levels of protein in her liver were shockingly low — so low her doctors “couldn’t believe she was even walking around,” said an insider.

Lindsay needs an intervention, but that would mean she wouldn’t get her picture taken for the few weeks she spends out of the bars while she cleans up. What do you think she’ll miss more - the publicity or the booze?

Thanks to The Superficial for these pictures of Lindsay.

Splash News took this video of Lindsay Lohan walking out of the hospital the day after her supposed appendix surgery. TMZ posted the video and they say it’s a miracle that’s she walking and didn’t she heal quickly? She looks like she’s walking fine to me and doesn’t walk gingerly or anything. People are going to say it brings her story into doubt, and that she had some other reason for going into the hospital.

Word is that Lohan hasn’t attended an AA meeting since the beginning of December and that she’s been drinking vodka out of water bottles to make it look like she’s staying sober. All these rumors about Lohan coupled with her trying to hide as she nonchalantly strolled out of the hospital make it seem like she needed a medical intervention for some other reason.

My aunt had her appendix removed recently, and she was kept in the hospital for two days. She says she could walk the next day, but wasn’t as steady on her feet as Lindsay seems in this video. She wasn’t 20 at the time, though, so who knows about Lindsay?

Update: commentors on Oh No They Didn’t! are saying that if Lohan had a less invasive form of appendectomy she could be out walking in a day without a problem. It’s easy to believe the worst about her given her history.

Dr. Drew Pinsky from the radio show Loveline and his partner psychologist Mark Young had 200 celebrities that appeared on their show fill out a psychological questionnaire called The Narcissism Personality Inventory. The results show that celebrities really are more full of themselves than the average person. They’re more concerned about their appearance and have an inflated sense of self importance. The less real life skills they have, the more likely they are to be off the charts narcissism-wise.

Two Los Angeles psychologists have produced the first scientific evidence that many celebrities sincerely believe that they are better than the rest of us. The psychologists’ forthcoming book suggests that many pop culture icons are heading for disaster.

Mark Young and Drew Pinsky used a mathematical formula to measure the traits, including exhibitionism and vanity, that make up narcissism. Psychologists believe that in general men are both bossier than women and show off more. However, in the “celebrity class” women are far more narcissistic than men and up to a third are more manipulative and vain about their appearance than the typical woman in the street, according to the psychologists from the University of Southern California.

Young and Pinsky have had rare access: celebrities queue up to appear on Loveline, Pinsky’s nationally syndicated radio show, where he has been compared to Professor Anthony Clare, the BBC psychiatrist, for his revealing interviewing style.

They asked 200 celebrities who appeared on the programme to fill out a standard questionnaire called the Narcissism Personality Inventory. They were asked how they felt about themselves, including whether they felt they deserved compliments or were embarrassed by them and whether they insisted on being “respected” at all times.

Participants remain anonymous but interviewees featured on Pinsky’s website include Renée Zellweger, Jessica Simpson, Jim Carrey and members of Duran Duran, the British pop band.

“It was people like that — actors, comedians, musicians and reality TV contestants — who emerged as the most narcissistic of all,” said Pinsky. “The fewer real-life skills they had, the louder they tend to be in their attempts to hold on to attention.”

The article goes on to say that crotch-baring may be a sign of their extreme narcissism. People who are full of themselves “crave attention, are over-confident… lack empathy and can behave erratically,” but are often charming in person.

Keep in mind that Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, and Britney Spears never went to college. Paris Hilton has a GED, Lindsay Lohan graduated from high school on Long Island, and Britney Spears was home-schooled and attended a performing arts school. I cannot figure out if she earned any kind of degree. Nicole Richie attended college for two years at the University of Arizona but didn’t earn an associates as far as I could tell. What kind of jobs could these women get if they were forced to fend for themselves like average people? I have a feeling Paris might do well out of sheer persistence.

It’s not surprising that celebrities are full of themselves. Is that a symptom or a cause of their fame or a bit of both? Why bother to learn anything else when you can earn big bucks just by showing up and being yourself?

I’m really proud of Lindsay for not drinking for a whole week and all, but doesn’t AA teach that you’re supposed to stay away from your old crowd and keep out of the bars if you can help it? Lindsay has been sipping water and Red Bull while out at the same old places she used to drink and presumably drug at.

She claims she’s been in AA for a year, and is bragging about her whole first week of sobriety. Baby steps I guess. Still, it seems like she should clam up a bit and earn her own three month chip before she starts talking about it.

It’s in a quote at the end of her rambling interview that she reveals her whole rehab strategy. She’s just going to take a stab at it, and if she’s not successful it’s not her fault or anything. It was fate:

Lindsay Lohan had a good reason to be late for a holiday party at Hollywood club Shag in on Monday. “I just left an AA meeting,” she told PEOPLE.

“I’ve been going to AA, for a year by the way,” she added. Why didn’t she say so until recently? “Well it’s no one’s business. That’s why it’s anonymous!”…

“I haven’t had a drink in seven days. Or anything. I’m not even legal to, so why would I?” Lohan, 20, told PEOPLE. “I don’t drink when I go to clubs. I drink with my friends at home, but there’s no need to. I feel better not drinking. It’s more fun. I have Red Bull.”

But, she added, “I didn’t feel bad before. I never felt bad. I just wanted to, like, find a balance. I was out too much. I was too caught up. I mean, I’m 20 years old. I was off from work, I was getting ready to start a film, and I was like going out just to get it out of my system. I was going out too much and I knew that, and I have more to live for than that.”

Lohan said she hopes to shift the focus from her partying to her career. “I was like, I don’t want to be written about at these clubs with these people. I work, I act, I have a living. That’s what I do every day. I work every single day.”

Asked if she had advice for those seeking recovery from substance abuse, Lohan said, “I think, don’t do it for someone else. Do it for you, ’cause if you do it for someone else you’re going to relapse. It’s not going to be a change. You have to really do something if you want to do it and … if it doesn’t work, you’re not meant to.”

Maybe it will work out for Lindsay and she’ll find that life balance she so sorely needs. It seems like she would do well to keep her mouth shut and try to have some success at her new lifestyle before she starts telling everyone about it. If she doesn’t stay sober, though, it wasn’t her fault or anything and she can just try again at some other point when she reaches rock bottom or needs the publicity.

Photos from linds-lo.com

Lindsay Lohan showed just how much the drugs have affected her brain by firing off a rambling e-mail to her lawyers and friends that was promptly forwarded to media outlets. She surely intended it that way, but if she wants to get out this message that she can serve as a role model and help change the world and all, (if that is the message, since I didn’t get the point) couldn’t she put in some line breaks and use a spell checker?

I’m getting ahead of myself, though, because Lohan is begging for help and advice in this stream of consciousness e-mail but doesn’t seem to be at the point where she’s able to accept it. She has a few vague bad ideas of how to go about making people love her, but she’s really just letting everyone know that she and her overinflated ego are out of control:

Subject: The way of the future-Howard Hughes once said. I am willing to release a politically/morally correct, fully adequite letter to the press if any of you are willing to help. Simply to state my oppinions on how our society should be educated on for the better of our country. Our people. Also because I have such an impact on our younger generations, as well as generations older than me. Which we all know and can obviously see. People are just mean. I am going to proceed with putting LR to court if need be for what she’s done to me. Its my life. I want to live it. People cannot lie and think that it is okay to continue on having done so. Simply because they will do it again to someone else, and that is not alright with me. I have had many ups and downs, as do we all.
[Note from Celebitchy: that's the longest subject I've ever seen]

Body:
But to make false accusations to one girl is unjust in my oppinion. Having said this, I am willing to do anything I need to get my life the way it should be and the way I work for it to be.. And have thus far in my career. Let’s sue the tabloids for saying the things they say. Defamation of character. Amongst other illegal accusations, I will repeat this over and over to make my point. I am not fully aware of what these, again, accusations are, but I am fully and eagerly prepared to learn them. Have harvey and all lawyers help me please. If he is willing. Al Gore will help me he came up to me last night and said he would be very happy to have a conversation with me. If he is willing to help me, let’s find out. Hilary Clinton, Bill Clinton, and Evan metroplis, and John Daur who works with them would be willing, if we just ask. If we just ASK. I’d really like to fix things and refuse to stop on any account for these unintelligent, vulgar people who like to hurt other people. Not just me, but everyone. I’m willing to hold a press conference and I will do anything necessary to do so. In putting an end to ‘these people’ trying to put an end to me and belittle me as well as try to be the demise of me after all I’ve gone through and done at such a young and tender age in a womans life. Its enough already, I’ve had enough and I am going to be the one to make a change. For all of my fellow actors, friends, people I admire and for those I’ve lost in the recent days, years, months. I do believe the focus in the world has misplaced and directed in the wrong directions and I am willing to be the one to help change that and use my celebrity status to move the focalpoint /(s) of the press to the real issues that we have going on as we speak. Anyone that is willing to help and has a family member or friend, even co-worker that is in a position to be involved in any way, shape or form, please contact me, Jenni Muro, Leslie Sloane, Michael Heller, Jason Sloane, Jason Weinberg as soon as you can or are willing. Just ask them, it doesn’t hurt to ask. So let’s start now, rather than waste time. Do you agree? Because I’m doing it either way. The way of the future. Thank you for your time. Your Entertainer, Lindsay Lohan Sent wirelessly via BlackBerry from T-Mobile.

Thanks to Gawker for that entire dense e-mail, which I’ve read a few times and still can’t wrap my brain around. That subject line is very long. I don’t have a Blackberry, but is that how they work? Do people routinely just use the subject line for the whole message?

So Lindsay is asking for help from higher-up, and that’s what she’s learning in AA and all. She also says that she wants assistance writing some letter to the press or something about how great she is, but she’s doing it already in this message. She’s incredibly narcissistic and seems to think that everyone is out to get her. She’s blaming “LR” for leaking stories to the press, and LR is said to be the assistant who left her to work for Jessica Biel. She’s obviously using this girl as a scapegoat for her negative image.

Lohan - if you want help, I’ll give it to you, thanks for asking: If you’re so fucking concerned about education go to college. Preferably somewhere in the Midwest where drugs are hard to find. Maybe if you stop going out every night you won’t have to worry about all the tabloids reporting lies about you or whatever it is this e-mail is about.

It’s good that you’re asking for help, though, that’s something. I look forward to an e-mail where you make a fearless moral inventory and apologize to us all for wasting our time.

Lindsay is shown out to lunch with her mom and sister at Orso on 12/4. Thanks to Linds-Lo.com and Splash News for these pictures.

Adam Brody was flirting up a storm with Ashlee Simpson at a recent event. Adam is newly single and has been hitting the LA hot spots with his friends after splitting with gorgeous O.C. costar Rachel Bilson. This news from Star makes it seem like he was being flirty with Ashlee, and they were probably just talking, but maybe these two will hook up at some point:

Adam Brody, 27, and Rachel Bilson, 25, are officially over. Adam was spotted with Ashlee Simpson at the Volkswagen Tiguan Concept party in L.A. on November 28. A source tells Star, “Ashlee was giggling up a storm, like she really loved all the attention.” The two seemed infatuated with one another; Brody couldn’t keep his eyes off of her!

[from the Star Magazine e-mail newsletter.]

I might call these two the new couple of Adam couldn’t keep his hands off Ashlee, but maybe he was just staring at her because he was amazed at how much her face has changed recently.

Meanwhile Star also says that Ashlee and Lindsay have made up after their public spat over scumbag Wilmer Valderrama. Lindsay was said to have made sure Ashlee and sister Jessica didn’t get into an MTV party she was hosting. Ashlee later said on The Charlotte Church show that she has a song called “I didn’t steal your boyfriend” which is dedicated to Lindsay. (Part is 2:30 minutes into video clip on the linked post.) Now Ashlee and Lindsay were seen arm and arm on November 9th and Star calls them the latest frenemies. (That’s such a popular word lately although it seems like I just learned it last week.)

Here is Ashlee getting takeout. Thanks to I’m Not Obsessed for these pics.

Blind items are a way for the rags to insinuate stuff they assume about the celebrities without getting into trouble by stating it outright. In most cases, like Ted C’s items on E! Online, they’re hard to figure out (probably because you need a translator for Ted-speak), which makes them seem more likely to be true. I mean, if it was obvious who the celebrity was why would they make it a blind item?

The NY Post just uses blind items to make scandalous conclusions about people and they don’t even bother to try to make them hard to figure out. Here are today’s:

WHICH recently separated celeb has a new habit to go along with her new friends? The cutie is spending way too much time in the bathroom of the many clubs she visits, hoovering down cocaine that her pals supply her with . . .
Britney Spears

WHICH hard-partying Hollywood starlet has club cocktail waitresses fueling rumors of rehab by whispering that the actress cuts her coke with strawberry Quik? . . .
Lindsay Lohan

WHICH new pair of best friends are actually more? When they get back to their hotels or homes, the clothes come off.
Britney and Paris. Ooh that’s a stretch.

Am I right? There’s almost no one else they could be talking about.

Sorry for the two Lohan stories today, but just when I was wondering what the skank was up to at the GQ Men of the Year awards party, Page Six ran a pretty juicy header story about it. It turns out she threw a rather typical drunken fit after downing a bunch of champagne. She screamed at a bemused Jessica Biel when seeing her with an old assistant that left Lindsay months ago to enjoy a full night’s sleep and go work with Biel. Also, just as I kind-of speculated (I know I’m tooting my own horn, but who else is going to do it?) she tried to hit on Leonardo DiCaprio and failed miserably.

Oh, and her mom Dina was there too. Did she tell her to calm down or take her aside or anything? No, she just was grateful to be able to get in with Lindsay.

When the Lohans arrived at the exclusive dinner at the Sunset Tower - joining the likes of Leonardo DiCaprio, Al Gore, Jay-Z, Jennifer Connelly and Magic Johnson - she “flipped out” upon seeing Jessica Biel, the luminous star of “The Illusionist,” there with her assistant.

Biel’s assistant used to work for Lohan and earned the “Mean Girls” star’s ire when she quit several months ago.

According to a witness, Lohan started screaming, “If she stays, I’m outta here! I can’t look at that girl! I can’t believe you would allow an assistant in here - she doesn’t belong in here!”

“It was really uncalled for,” said our spy. “Jessica and everyone else ignored her.”

A rep for Lohan said, “This does not sound like Lindsay.” A Biel friend said, “Jess didn’t steal anyone’s assistant - her assistant stopped working for Lindsay a long time ago. And whatever drama happened, Jess was no part of it. She is not part of [Lohan's] crowd - she is a professional.” A rep for Biel declined comment.

Lohan was shunned at the glittering affair by other celebs who are tired of her bratty antics and bad work ethic. Overhearing her tirade about Biel’s assistant, Will Ferrell turned to DiCaprio, Gore and Affleck and said, “Who cares about that freak anymore, anyway?” - setting off laughter. Later, Lohan, with a champagne glass in her hand, tried flirting with Leo, to no avail.

Also, Lohan called her ex, Harry Morton, who showed up and left with a bunch of his friends. He probably fears the inevitable stalking by Lindsay and is trying to keep her placated.

This is the girl who was said to be attending AA meetings and was seen proudly toting the group’s 12 step book and wearing a “friend’s” 90 days sober chip. As Page Six points out, Lindsay doesn’t seem to have made it to one week yet.

Here is Lindsay on the night in question. Pictures from Linds-Lo.com

Britney just isn’t getting enough attention from hanging out with Paris Hilton constantly and having her publicist alert the paparazzi to their whereabouts. She flashed her punane again in a too-short dress. I was willing to give her a pass for her first kitty-baring mishap, as it seemed that she was tired and clueless and could genuinely lack clean underwear considering how often she was seen out in that “Little Miss Sunshine” shirt.

This time, though, it was way too obvious and deliberate. She bent over while wearing a really short dress and has ventured into inescapable Lohan country. Even the mainstream press is talking about it. ABC News asks if all this ass-flashing is damaging our impressionable young people, who just don’t know the meaning of manners:

Not so long ago, when a society woman flashed a hint of leg from beneath her petticoat, onlookers gasped.

Today, when Britney Spears displays her private parts to the paparazzi, the world points and laughs.

Spears is the latest star to give people a glimpse of what’s usually covered up, a trend that asks the question: What value, if any, does culture place on modesty today?

On Nov. 22, cameras caught Spears, the recently separated pop star and mother of two, in a leopard-print minidress so short it revealed her underwear.

Two days later, Spears was photographed getting out of a car in a hiked-up miniskirt. This time, her underwear was nowhere to be found.

According to celebrity blogger Perez Hilton, Spears’ up-skirt shots are no mistake — they’re a classic cry for attention.

“She wants the picture taken. She wants the publicity. She wants people talking about her,” Hilton said of Spears. “That’s what people love to see more than anything. Why do you think celebrity sex tapes sell so well?”

The photos, which spread virally across the Internet, gained Spears entry to a club ruled by repeat flashers Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan. Cameras have caught Lohan panty-less four times over the last two months.

Paris and Britney have been hanging out with their “freaky frenemy” (Thanks to submitter Scout on Lipstick for that great title) Lohan lately. With company like Paris and Lohan, is it any wonder that Britney thinks showing her crotch several times is ok? She’ll be trying the strawberry Nesquick next. Paris looks like a savvy businesswoman when paired with those two. That was probably her plan all along.

Pictures shown here from Mollygood. Full pussy pictures in all their glory are at Egotastic]