Lindsay Lohan showed just how much the drugs have affected her brain by firing off a rambling e-mail to her lawyers and friends that was promptly forwarded to media outlets. She surely intended it that way, but if she wants to get out this message that she can serve as a role model and help change the world and all, (if that is the message, since I didn’t get the point) couldn’t she put in some line breaks and use a spell checker?

I’m getting ahead of myself, though, because Lohan is begging for help and advice in this stream of consciousness e-mail but doesn’t seem to be at the point where she’s able to accept it. She has a few vague bad ideas of how to go about making people love her, but she’s really just letting everyone know that she and her overinflated ego are out of control:

Subject: The way of the future-Howard Hughes once said. I am willing to release a politically/morally correct, fully adequite letter to the press if any of you are willing to help. Simply to state my oppinions on how our society should be educated on for the better of our country. Our people. Also because I have such an impact on our younger generations, as well as generations older than me. Which we all know and can obviously see. People are just mean. I am going to proceed with putting LR to court if need be for what she’s done to me. Its my life. I want to live it. People cannot lie and think that it is okay to continue on having done so. Simply because they will do it again to someone else, and that is not alright with me. I have had many ups and downs, as do we all.
[Note from Celebitchy: that's the longest subject I've ever seen]

Body:
But to make false accusations to one girl is unjust in my oppinion. Having said this, I am willing to do anything I need to get my life the way it should be and the way I work for it to be.. And have thus far in my career. Let’s sue the tabloids for saying the things they say. Defamation of character. Amongst other illegal accusations, I will repeat this over and over to make my point. I am not fully aware of what these, again, accusations are, but I am fully and eagerly prepared to learn them. Have harvey and all lawyers help me please. If he is willing. Al Gore will help me he came up to me last night and said he would be very happy to have a conversation with me. If he is willing to help me, let’s find out. Hilary Clinton, Bill Clinton, and Evan metroplis, and John Daur who works with them would be willing, if we just ask. If we just ASK. I’d really like to fix things and refuse to stop on any account for these unintelligent, vulgar people who like to hurt other people. Not just me, but everyone. I’m willing to hold a press conference and I will do anything necessary to do so. In putting an end to ‘these people’ trying to put an end to me and belittle me as well as try to be the demise of me after all I’ve gone through and done at such a young and tender age in a womans life. Its enough already, I’ve had enough and I am going to be the one to make a change. For all of my fellow actors, friends, people I admire and for those I’ve lost in the recent days, years, months. I do believe the focus in the world has misplaced and directed in the wrong directions and I am willing to be the one to help change that and use my celebrity status to move the focalpoint /(s) of the press to the real issues that we have going on as we speak. Anyone that is willing to help and has a family member or friend, even co-worker that is in a position to be involved in any way, shape or form, please contact me, Jenni Muro, Leslie Sloane, Michael Heller, Jason Sloane, Jason Weinberg as soon as you can or are willing. Just ask them, it doesn’t hurt to ask. So let’s start now, rather than waste time. Do you agree? Because I’m doing it either way. The way of the future. Thank you for your time. Your Entertainer, Lindsay Lohan Sent wirelessly via BlackBerry from T-Mobile.

Thanks to Gawker for that entire dense e-mail, which I’ve read a few times and still can’t wrap my brain around. That subject line is very long. I don’t have a Blackberry, but is that how they work? Do people routinely just use the subject line for the whole message?

So Lindsay is asking for help from higher-up, and that’s what she’s learning in AA and all. She also says that she wants assistance writing some letter to the press or something about how great she is, but she’s doing it already in this message. She’s incredibly narcissistic and seems to think that everyone is out to get her. She’s blaming “LR” for leaking stories to the press, and LR is said to be the assistant who left her to work for Jessica Biel. She’s obviously using this girl as a scapegoat for her negative image.

Lohan - if you want help, I’ll give it to you, thanks for asking: If you’re so fucking concerned about education go to college. Preferably somewhere in the Midwest where drugs are hard to find. Maybe if you stop going out every night you won’t have to worry about all the tabloids reporting lies about you or whatever it is this e-mail is about.

It’s good that you’re asking for help, though, that’s something. I look forward to an e-mail where you make a fearless moral inventory and apologize to us all for wasting our time.

Lindsay is shown out to lunch with her mom and sister at Orso on 12/4. Thanks to Linds-Lo.com and Splash News for these pictures.

Adam Brody was flirting up a storm with Ashlee Simpson at a recent event. Adam is newly single and has been hitting the LA hot spots with his friends after splitting with gorgeous O.C. costar Rachel Bilson. This news from Star makes it seem like he was being flirty with Ashlee, and they were probably just talking, but maybe these two will hook up at some point:

Adam Brody, 27, and Rachel Bilson, 25, are officially over. Adam was spotted with Ashlee Simpson at the Volkswagen Tiguan Concept party in L.A. on November 28. A source tells Star, “Ashlee was giggling up a storm, like she really loved all the attention.” The two seemed infatuated with one another; Brody couldn’t keep his eyes off of her!

[from the Star Magazine e-mail newsletter.]

I might call these two the new couple of Adam couldn’t keep his hands off Ashlee, but maybe he was just staring at her because he was amazed at how much her face has changed recently.

Meanwhile Star also says that Ashlee and Lindsay have made up after their public spat over scumbag Wilmer Valderrama. Lindsay was said to have made sure Ashlee and sister Jessica didn’t get into an MTV party she was hosting. Ashlee later said on The Charlotte Church show that she has a song called “I didn’t steal your boyfriend” which is dedicated to Lindsay. (Part is 2:30 minutes into video clip on the linked post.) Now Ashlee and Lindsay were seen arm and arm on November 9th and Star calls them the latest frenemies. (That’s such a popular word lately although it seems like I just learned it last week.)

Here is Ashlee getting takeout. Thanks to I’m Not Obsessed for these pics.

Blind items are a way for the rags to insinuate stuff they assume about the celebrities without getting into trouble by stating it outright. In most cases, like Ted C’s items on E! Online, they’re hard to figure out (probably because you need a translator for Ted-speak), which makes them seem more likely to be true. I mean, if it was obvious who the celebrity was why would they make it a blind item?

The NY Post just uses blind items to make scandalous conclusions about people and they don’t even bother to try to make them hard to figure out. Here are today’s:

WHICH recently separated celeb has a new habit to go along with her new friends? The cutie is spending way too much time in the bathroom of the many clubs she visits, hoovering down cocaine that her pals supply her with . . .
Britney Spears

WHICH hard-partying Hollywood starlet has club cocktail waitresses fueling rumors of rehab by whispering that the actress cuts her coke with strawberry Quik? . . .
Lindsay Lohan

WHICH new pair of best friends are actually more? When they get back to their hotels or homes, the clothes come off.
Britney and Paris. Ooh that’s a stretch.

Am I right? There’s almost no one else they could be talking about.

Sorry for the two Lohan stories today, but just when I was wondering what the skank was up to at the GQ Men of the Year awards party, Page Six ran a pretty juicy header story about it. It turns out she threw a rather typical drunken fit after downing a bunch of champagne. She screamed at a bemused Jessica Biel when seeing her with an old assistant that left Lindsay months ago to enjoy a full night’s sleep and go work with Biel. Also, just as I kind-of speculated (I know I’m tooting my own horn, but who else is going to do it?) she tried to hit on Leonardo DiCaprio and failed miserably.

Oh, and her mom Dina was there too. Did she tell her to calm down or take her aside or anything? No, she just was grateful to be able to get in with Lindsay.

When the Lohans arrived at the exclusive dinner at the Sunset Tower - joining the likes of Leonardo DiCaprio, Al Gore, Jay-Z, Jennifer Connelly and Magic Johnson - she “flipped out” upon seeing Jessica Biel, the luminous star of “The Illusionist,” there with her assistant.

Biel’s assistant used to work for Lohan and earned the “Mean Girls” star’s ire when she quit several months ago.

According to a witness, Lohan started screaming, “If she stays, I’m outta here! I can’t look at that girl! I can’t believe you would allow an assistant in here - she doesn’t belong in here!”

“It was really uncalled for,” said our spy. “Jessica and everyone else ignored her.”

A rep for Lohan said, “This does not sound like Lindsay.” A Biel friend said, “Jess didn’t steal anyone’s assistant - her assistant stopped working for Lindsay a long time ago. And whatever drama happened, Jess was no part of it. She is not part of [Lohan's] crowd - she is a professional.” A rep for Biel declined comment.

Lohan was shunned at the glittering affair by other celebs who are tired of her bratty antics and bad work ethic. Overhearing her tirade about Biel’s assistant, Will Ferrell turned to DiCaprio, Gore and Affleck and said, “Who cares about that freak anymore, anyway?” - setting off laughter. Later, Lohan, with a champagne glass in her hand, tried flirting with Leo, to no avail.

Also, Lohan called her ex, Harry Morton, who showed up and left with a bunch of his friends. He probably fears the inevitable stalking by Lindsay and is trying to keep her placated.

This is the girl who was said to be attending AA meetings and was seen proudly toting the group’s 12 step book and wearing a “friend’s” 90 days sober chip. As Page Six points out, Lindsay doesn’t seem to have made it to one week yet.

Here is Lindsay on the night in question. Pictures from Linds-Lo.com

Britney just isn’t getting enough attention from hanging out with Paris Hilton constantly and having her publicist alert the paparazzi to their whereabouts. She flashed her punane again in a too-short dress. I was willing to give her a pass for her first kitty-baring mishap, as it seemed that she was tired and clueless and could genuinely lack clean underwear considering how often she was seen out in that “Little Miss Sunshine” shirt.

This time, though, it was way too obvious and deliberate. She bent over while wearing a really short dress and has ventured into inescapable Lohan country. Even the mainstream press is talking about it. ABC News asks if all this ass-flashing is damaging our impressionable young people, who just don’t know the meaning of manners:

Not so long ago, when a society woman flashed a hint of leg from beneath her petticoat, onlookers gasped.

Today, when Britney Spears displays her private parts to the paparazzi, the world points and laughs.

Spears is the latest star to give people a glimpse of what’s usually covered up, a trend that asks the question: What value, if any, does culture place on modesty today?

On Nov. 22, cameras caught Spears, the recently separated pop star and mother of two, in a leopard-print minidress so short it revealed her underwear.

Two days later, Spears was photographed getting out of a car in a hiked-up miniskirt. This time, her underwear was nowhere to be found.

According to celebrity blogger Perez Hilton, Spears’ up-skirt shots are no mistake — they’re a classic cry for attention.

“She wants the picture taken. She wants the publicity. She wants people talking about her,” Hilton said of Spears. “That’s what people love to see more than anything. Why do you think celebrity sex tapes sell so well?”

The photos, which spread virally across the Internet, gained Spears entry to a club ruled by repeat flashers Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan. Cameras have caught Lohan panty-less four times over the last two months.

Paris and Britney have been hanging out with their “freaky frenemy” (Thanks to submitter Scout on Lipstick for that great title) Lohan lately. With company like Paris and Lohan, is it any wonder that Britney thinks showing her crotch several times is ok? She’ll be trying the strawberry Nesquick next. Paris looks like a savvy businesswoman when paired with those two. That was probably her plan all along.

Pictures shown here from Mollygood. Full pussy pictures in all their glory are at Egotastic]

Lindsay Lohan is looking rough and a little bloated lately. I’m not saying she’s fat by any means, she just seems like she’s been neglecting her health and it shows on her face and frame. She’s got that worn out look that comes with constant partying.

There have been a lot of stories about Lindsay this past week, and I just haven’t covered them because she’s a train wreck and seems to be going downhill fast.

Last night Lindsay told paparazzi agency X17 that Paris Hilton hit her arm. They have a video of her showing a faint bruise on her inner arm and saying the Paris was at a party at Lindsay’s friend’s house and that “she hit me with a drink and poured it all over me, and it hurts and it’s not OK.”

She also said “I’m sorry for everyone that thinks I’m crazy. I’m not, I’m just trying to act.”

Lindsay, you’re protesting too much. Let’s review the reasons why people think she’s crazy this week. We’re not including the fact that Lindsay flashes her kitty to the paps all the time, and is probably pissed that Britney is now using her tried and true strategy to greater effect.

• She hooked up with scumbag Calum Best while in London last week. The British rags had a field day with Lindsay, saying that she tried to get staff at the hotel where she were staying to lock Calum up in her room so he wouldn’t leave on a business trip.

  Calum promptly hooked up with another woman on his flight to Ireland in an attempt to move on as quickly as possible. He was also quoted by the Irish press as saying “I’m very definitely single.”
  

• Lindsay was snapped by the paparazzi while shopping at Planet Blue in Malibu, but was mighty pissed when they all bailed to get shots of Paris and Britney, who arrived together 45 minutes lately. Lainey’s gossip speculates that this may have prompted her little video confessional to x17 about Paris dousing her with a drink.
  

• The National Enquirer reported that Lindsay ODed on cocaine and painkillers on November 12 in her room at the Chateau Marmot, and that a doctor was called to treat her. He got rid of all the drugs in her room and told her to go to the hospital. Once Lindsay regained consciousness she refused further treatment.
  

• Lohan was in yet another car accident while in Londan last week. Her vehicle rammed into a police car, making it her fourth accident in a year and a half.

Britney and Paris might be vag-slipping weave-wearing trash sisters, but Lohan is of another breed entirely. She needs to call Ben Affleck and figure out how to lay low and reinvent herself while finding joy in the simpler things in life. There’s a rumor that she’s dying to play Stevie Nicks in an upcoming biopic, and considering that Nicks is a singer who admitted to a debilitating cocaine habit, it seems like a role Lohan would excel in. If she wants to get any other acting gigs, she needs to move out of Hollywood and go to rehab and therapy.

Pictures from Splash News Online and Celebrity Puke. Used with permission. Celebrity Puke wrote the jowls thing on Lindsay’s picture.

This photoshoot video for the issue where GQ named her their biggest celebrity car crash includes riveting quotes from Lohan set to music. Watch how willingly she lets the cameraman pose her on all fours. Note that I did not run her latest vag slip as I’m pretty much over her hairless kitty.

Here’s the photoshoot:
Update: Video removed by YouTube.

All those fugly half-gloves Lindsay has been wearing lately seem to serve a purpose. Both The Daily Mail and The Sun are showing images of Lindsay’s cut-up wrist along with several pictures of her wearing bandages around her left wrist to hide the scarring. Since she’s right-handed, the left arm would logically be the place where she’d show signs of self-injury.

With all the bangles and jewelry she wears it’s hard to notice that she sometimes has a wrap around her wrist. She also fractured that same left wrist in two places after slipping on some water no the floor at a party in mid-September. It would be easy to assume that the gauze was due to that injury.

Lindsay’s representative claimed she fell and cut her wrist, but there are candids of Lindsay wearing the bandage on 11/8 as seen above, which was before her backstage fall at the World Music Awards a couple days ago. The Sun also points out that she has a figure of eight burn on her arm and cites an expert who says that some of her wrist injuries are old and some are fresh, indicating an ongoing problem:

Expert Jan Sutton, who has written two books on self harm, said grimly: “The photographs have all the telltale signs.

“The arms are the most common place for self injury.

“Some of the scars are fresh and just above those there are a number of injuries which look older. They are called keloid scars and are just beginning to disappear. It would be difficult to argue this is an accident as there are just too many scars.”

Lindsay has told in the past how she feared she would die after years of punishing her frail body. She recently confessed to having “hit rock bottom”. Last July she was taken to hospital while shooting her latest film Georgia Rules.

With all the craziness in Lindsay’s life, would it surprise anyone that she likes to distract herself by cutting her wrist?

Here are some pictures of her with bandages and cuts. She is outside of Teddy’s with Kim Kardashian on 11/8, and at a tattoo parlor to get a tattoo on her neck on 11/12. Pictures found at Linds-Lo.com and The Daily Mail.

Lindsay Lohan, the intended host of the World Music Awards, was met with boos whenever she went on stage last night. She was so upset that she tripped and fell down some stairs backstage. She stopped hosting about half way through after her accident, but that didn’t stop her from partying it up afterwards:

It was the night from hell for Lindsay Lohan at the World Music Awards.

She was visibly upset when the audience booed her every time she took to the stage, she fell down the stairs and was forced to abandon her role as main host of the ceremony.

The 20-year-old actress pulled out halfway through after tumbling down a flight of stairs backstage.

An onlooker at the awards in Earls Court revealed: “Lindsay was devastated, she came off stage and fell, and so she had to give up. It looked incredibly painful.”

Her role was from then on taken up by the individual awards presenters. Luckily, she was not seriously hurt - she was well enough to go partying afterwards, the only sign of injury a blue sticking plaster on a finger.

It seems like the Brits are fond of booing and that it’s more common there, judging from what I’ve seen of their sessions of Parliament, but I would like to see footage of Lohan getting booed. Did anyone see the Awards and can they verify the booing? The highlight video that was posted on The Daily Mail website did not include clips of Lindsay hosting, and nothing has hit YouTube yet.

Of course she went out partying afterwards. That always seems to take priority over her work obligations, no matter how obscenely paid she is.

Here is Lohan looking exceptionally orange at the WMAs last night. [via]

A paparazzo hit Lohan’s vehicle from behind after a high-speed chase yesterday. This is the third car accident for Lindsay involving photographers. She was broadsided by a photographer’s minivan a year and a half ago, and she hit another car while trying to outrun photographers a year ago. Neither incident seems to have been Lohan’s fault.

Sources tell us a photographer chasing the 20-year-old actress rear-ended her black Mercedes near the corner of Olympic and La Cienega in L.A. around 2 a.m. yesterday.

“She was apparently able to drive a short distance from the crash,” says a source. “But she later pulled over and called a friend to pick her up.”

Lohan’s rep, Leslie Sloane Zelnik, confirmed the accident, but had no information on the “Bobby” star’s condition or whether she had filed a police report.

Earlier in the evening, Lohan was videotaped outside the hot spot Hyde, sitting in her car while talking to a “mystery man,” according to TMZ.com. “La Lohan appeared a little upset and teary-eyed under a hooded shirt” before “speeding off, alone,” the gossip site said.

People fear that Lohan is going to end up like Princess Diana, but there’s little chance of that since Diana was so beloved.

Lohan told Oprah yesterday that she hates her party girl image, and that she doesn’t think it’s a crime to go dancing with her friends. She was also defended by “Bobbie” director Emilio Estevez, who praised her professionalism on set, and said that she’ll never come close to partying as much as his brother.