Photoshop composite from Planet Hiltron

Getting coked up, commandeering an SUV, engaging in a high speed chase, and having police draw their guns on you are just part of an average evening out for Lindsay Lohan, but it turns out the people being chased weren’t such big fans of the whole experience. The passenger is the car Lohan hunted down last month has filed a lawsuit against the sorta actress. Praise Jebus! I wonder if you can get served at a rehab facility?

“Lindsay Lohan was sued Tuesday for assault and negligence by a woman who was a passenger in a car the actress is accused of chasing while under the influence of drugs or alcohol. Lohan ‘put me through one of the most frightening experiences of my life,’ Tracie Rice said in a statement after the lawsuit was filed in Los Angeles County Superior Court.

“’What Miss Lohan did that night was extremely dangerous and reprehensible. Someone could easily have been killed or seriously hurt because of her irresponsible decisions that evening,’ Rice said. The lawsuit also alleges intentional infliction of emotional distress. It seeks unspecified damages and also payment of medical and other expenses related to emotional distress.”

[From the Associated Press]

Not that a coked-out, crazed Lindsay Lohan isn’t infliction of emotional distress in and of herself, but thanks to Lohan’s unbalanced and dangerous behavior, they all ended up with guns pointed at them. That’s certainly traumatizing.

“The lawsuit doesn’t provide a reason for the chase. However, two men who claim they were unwilling passengers in the car driven by Lohan have said she was upset with the daughter of Michelle Peck. Peck was driving the vehicle carrying Rice. Rice ‘was convinced that their lives were in danger and that they had to outrun the pursuing car or they might be killed,’ the lawsuit said.

“Peck finally drove through a barricade and into the parking lot at the Santa Monica Civic Center next to police headquarters and the sport utility vehicle followed, the lawsuit said. Rice got out and ran toward police officers and saw a woman, who turned out to be Lohan, run from the SUV toward her, she contended. ‘Police officers approached all of them with guns drawn,’ the lawsuit said. Lohan was arrested a short time later.”

[From the Washington Post]

That must have been incredibly frightening, and I’m very sorry Ms. Rice had to go through that. But I have to admit the thought of a bunch of cops pointing their guns at Lindsay is the least she deserved that night. I hope it scared her like she scared all those passengers and motorists. I wonder how many of the other people involved that night will sue her? It seems like they’ve all got a pretty good case against her. Rageaholic actress steals car with two passengers already in it, refuses to let them out, chases the mother of her former assistant through L.A. at high speeds, and ends up getting arrested and testing positive for alcohol and drugs. I’m no lawyer, but considering Lohan’s well documented destruction, I’m guessing they’d all have cases. I really hope she gets served in rehab. She needs to actually understand that there are real consequences for her actions. Plus, the image of Lohan scrubbing toilets while being given legal papers will help me sleep a little better tonight.

A new article in Vanity Fair features profiles and interviews with some of the guys made famous for dating the tabloid darlings – Paris, Nicole, Britney, Lohan and Mischa. Their small Hollywood circle of debauchery and wasted opportunity is frequently referred to as a high school clique, in which Paris serves as the unofficial head Heather.

Titled “I’m With Her,” the article isn’t about the celebrities’ boyfriends so much as a recap of the shenanigans that we’ve publicly witnessed in the last few event-filled months. Not much was news to me, but it was fun to read a somewhat scholarly take on the fast pace of gossip.

The author, Nancy Jo Sales, details the way that dating a star can skyrocket a guy to fame – with a cost. The guys become known for banging the stars and not for their own maybe-talent. We all know what people said about kept man crap-rapper K-Fed, but he did seem to deserve the jokes at his expense, and he’s recovered nicely now that Britney’s gone down the shitter.

Cisco Adler, Mischa Barton’s goofy looking big-balled ex, is interviewed and comes off as a rather level-headed guy who isn’t too affected by all the talk about him. He says that he didn’t date Mischa because she was famous, and that he was just awed by her beauty. Cisco tells a sweet story about how he used to look at Mischa when she woke up in the morning. He says that his relationship with Mischa was the first time he didn’t cheat on a girlfriend, and that it was all the external factors that go along with fame that broke them up. Cisco also uses the old “they’re young and it’s hard to deal with fame” excuse to explain LohitneyParis’ bad behavior. His ex, Mischa Barton, doesn’t seem to have followed suit, though:

“I’m not some serial star-dater,” he protests. “Mischa’s the most beautiful girl on the planet. Sometimes I would wake up and see her on the pillow next to me and be like, Oooh, there she is …

“It wasn’t us that broke us up, it was all the other shit…”

Cisco says, “Look, they’re young, these girls, and they’re thrown this bucket of shit, and it makes them act kind of weird. If they were all locked in a room together they’d come out the best of friends.”

“Really?” I ask.

“Well maybe,” he says, “if they lived.”

It isn’t easy being a boyfriend of one of these much-sought-after starlets, Cisco says. “There’s no privacy. We were literally running away from paparazzi. They would camp outside my house.” When he’d finally had enough, he ended it, he says. “My dog died of pet-food poisoning, I broke up with my girlfriend, and this picture of my balls turns up on the Internet—that was the cherry on top.” Or maybe cherries.

He wistfully admits he misses Mischa. “I used to be a horrible cheater; in this last relationship I didn’t cheat once, I changed. Sometimes I used to cheat and go back and make love with my girlfriend on the same day! I used to get off on that. I used to think I was so dope.”

[From VanityFair.com]

Other famous boyfriends interviewed include rockers Joel Madden and Pete Wentz, who didn’t acknowledge at the time (the interview was conducted a few months ago) that he was with Ashlee Simpson. He just repeated the claim that he doesn’t think anyone is fully heterosexual or homosexual, and said he was dating a woman and that she was famous.

The interview saves the most famous star-f*$#er for last, K-Fed. At that point he wasn’t the standout parent in his estranged relationship with Britney, and was just emerging as less of a douchebag. They repeat the story where K-Fed was at a party and asked his next baby-momma to step up. There’s not much original printed from his phone interview, just the fact that he asserts he’s a playa:

“My moms used to call me ‘the Womanizer’ when I was younger. That says it all,” an amiable Federline tells me on the phone from his home in L.A. “I love women. I mean, I love women, you know?”

Maybe K-Fed should talk to Pete Wentz, who has a legitimate music career and is not so quick to assert his heterosexuality. Not that there’s any connection between the two, it’s just kind of jr. high when guys talk about how much they like getting laid.

Interestingly enough none of Lohan’s exes are interviewed, although many of her hookups including Pink Taco CEO Harry Morton and British reality star Calum Best are mentioned. Morton enjoyed a lot of free publicity for his food chain from his very public dalliance with Lindsay. He seems to have got the hell out of there in time to keep his sanity too. That seems to be key to dating one of the three disgraces effectively.

Thanks for Vanity Fair for the header photo, taken by Lohan’s ex, director Brett Ratner, in his disco basement.

It turns out that Lindsay Lohan’s ultra nice rehab, Cirque, has a few conditions required in less plush rehab facilities. The Utah rehab requires its patients to clean toilets, wash dishes, and do laundry. TMZ claims to have several sources inside the facility, and they say Lindsay is no exception, and has to do chores like everyone else. TMZ also directly counters Entertainment Tonight’s claims that Lindsay was difficult and required special treatment.

“Sources inside the facility say that Lindsay attends12-step every day as well as other meetings, talks with psychiatrists and psychologists, and receives “other medical treatment.” She is not in a private room; she has two roommates. She spends time during the day and night washing dishes, cleaning toilets and doing laundry.”

[From TMZ]

Well that can only be good for her. TMZ also reports that Cirque is “considered the most hardcore drug treatment facility in the nation” and frankly, Lindsay needs no less. Most other sources are reporting that Lindsay has been difficult and required special treatment – but despite the conflicting reports about the other details, pretty much everyone agrees that she’s cleaning toilets. That makes my heart sing. According to the Sun, Lindsay has a pretty rigid, but definitely tolerable routine.

“Lindsay’s daily routine is:

6am: All patients are woken up.

6.30am: A river hike followed by meditation.

8:00am: Breakfast.

8.30am: Cleaning duties, including cleaning their rooms and her toilets.

9am and 9.30am: Group meetings to discuss the day.

10am: The patients are given an awareness talk.

1pm-4pm: Patients take part in compulsory activities including horseback riding or gardening.”

[From the Sun]

Entertainment Tonight’s source (the one discredited, according to TMZ) has some really unflattering things to say about Lindsay. It’s hard to tell who’s story is true, so I’m going to publish both sides to show the complete picture, and let you all decide for yourselves.

“JANE P., who left the center on Tuesday, says she believes Lindsay checked into the center last Thursday night — and that her arrival and stay has been disruptive to other men and women in the program.

“’Rumors [that she would be coming into the rehab facility] started after she had been arrested again,’ says Jane, ‘but it was never confirmed until she came, at which point we were given a complete rundown of things we could not do or say due to the confidentiality at the time we are staying there.

“’Before I left, she had not attended any group meetings, other than the AA meeting, and she was supposedly given a private room,’ Jane adds when asked if Lindsay was given special treatment at the facility. ‘She’s not being required to attend [meetings] like the other residents are … she is being escorted around privately, so to me that is special treatment.’

When asked how the star’s presence affected the environment at the facility, Jane says, ‘Things became more tense amongst the staff … a lot of havoc was going on … so things changed.’

Jane adds that Lindsay’s appearance at the facility started to make the other people staying there ‘uncomfortable.’ ‘Most of the young people were excited about having her come so that they could help her,’ she says. “’t’s very important for people to work together, and you see that people of your own age, your own peers are going through the same thing, however that was not the case [with Lindsay]. … [After that first] meeting, when she toured the facility on Sunday, she hasn’t been seen.’”

[From Entertainment Tonight]

TMZ directly contradicts Jane P, and gives a little generic history on her. I do give their report some credence – they’re not known to pander to celebrities, so if they’re defending Lindsay, I’m guessing they must have a few reliable sources. Here’s what they say:

“Doctors at the facility say she has been cooperative from the get-go. As for the woman making the allegations, there are two facilities at Cirque — The Lodge and The Studio. We’re told Lindsay and the woman were at different facilities and there was only a short overlap. We’re told the woman dropped out of the program days after Lindsay arrived, “against medical advice.” Several doctors described the woman as “a problem.” We’re told the only way the woman could have even seen Lindsay was at group meetings — she was never in a position to even see Lindsay’s accommodations.”

[From TMZ]

Let’s hope this program really makes a difference for Lindsay. If this doesn’t work for her, it sounds like nothing will. Considering Cirque is “the most hardcore drug treatment facility in the nation,” it’s likely her best shot. Hopefully Lindsay is working hard and taking this seriously. According to TMZ, during that period between her arrest and showing up at Cirque, “Lohan went to an intense, medical detox facility in L.A. for eight days. She then went directly to Cirque.” Here’s crossing fingers.

Picture note by JayBird: Here’s Lindsay Lohan’s sideboob at the Costume Institute Gala in May. Images thanks to PR Photos.

Well they say that the third time’s the charm; let’s hope that holds some truth for Lindsay Lohan. MSNBC is reporting that Lohan has checked into rehab in Sundance, Utah. I wonder if she realizes that it has nothing to do with the film festival, and she’s unlikely to score any good swag. Lohan will be staying at the Cirque Lodge drug and alcohol treatment center. Hopefully for a really, really long time.

“Cirque Lodge was recently named by Town and Country magazine as one of the top substance abuse treatment facilities consistently providing outstanding levels of care.

“Cirque Lodge provides alcohol rehab and drug rehab treatment services at two main facilities: the Lodge and the Studio. The Lodge is described as “a private substance abuse mountain retreat with stunning views of both the Sundance Ski Resort and the cirque on beautiful 12,000 foot Mount Timpanogos.” The drug treatment center at the Studio is located near the base of Mount Timpanogos and the mouth of Provo Canyon, a world-renowned fly-fishing and ice climbing area.

“Admission guidelines state that a thorough history and physical examination will be completed upon arrival by the center’s medical staff, and it is also stressed that new participants keep an open mind:

“’We believe that recovery involves spiritual healing and ask that all individuals seeking addiction treatment at Cirque Lodge be open to exploring this aspect of their lives,’ say the guidelines.

“The rooms are certainly built for comfort, with private and shared rooms featuring down duvets and pillows, reading and relaxation areas, fireplaces or wood-burning stoves, and large bathrooms with slate tile and jetted tubs.”

[From MSNBC]

I’m always surprised that so many luxurious spa-like rehab facilities exist across the country. My image of a drug addict is more “holed up in a rat-infested tenement on the Lower East Side.” Proportionally, there must be a small percentage of incredibly wealthy drug addicts that keep these places in business. Because I’m pretty sure that if you sent the average drug addict – no scratch that, if you sent the average non-drug user as well – to one of these places, they’d relapse on purpose. Actually, maybe that’s what Lohan’s doing. Several news agencies are reporting that she’s strapped for cash. Maybe she just wants some nicer digs. Alright so here’s the required, “Good luck in rehab, I hope you turn your life around!” statement. I’m sure it wont work because you’re a self-involved ego-maniac that has rage issues. We wish you the best!

Images of Lohan at Coachella thanks to PRPhotos.

In a new interview in Elle Magazine, conducted less than two days before Lohan was busted for drunk driving, she says she would not drive drunk and was “much more responsible than that” despite the fact that she was already nabbed for an earlier DUI resulting in a minor accident at that point. She also defended the fact that she’s a media whore, saying she likes the food at the Ivy and will drive down Robertson any time she damn pleases.

She admitted she’s narcissistic, and tells an asinine story about how ex-boyfriend Calum Best caught her looking in the mirror and she said “damn I look good.”

As for her career she says she should “be nominated for an award for all the work I’ve done” and then brings up the fact that she played two characters in Parent Trap when she was 12! That was 9 years ago, the girl is delusional. After hearing how she drunkenly commandeered a guy’s car, ran over his friend’s foot without looking back, and took two guys hostage in a high speed car chase while they pleaded for their lives I didn’t think I could dislike this woman any more, but I’ve found out today that was possible.

On her reputation for drunk driving: “I wouldn’t violate … I’m much more responsible than that. I would not do that.”

On attending rehab at Wonderland before her 21st birthday: “I was growing up and going out a lot, and I needed to have a balance. I was glad I went, because I needed to get away from everyone and I didn’t know how to do that. And I learned a lot there. A bunch of my friends – I was with them last night – they’re in AA for, like, years.”

On her sometimes-boyfriend Calum Best: “I like him. He’s me in male form. We’re very similar. Stubborn, rebellious, very smart, coy, a little bit narcissistic – I think all actors have a little bit of that, and so they should. We’ll be kidding around, like the other day when we were in the Bahamas … I was walking by some mirror. And he caught me looking in the mirror and he goes, ‘I caught that!’ I was like, ‘Damn, I look good!’

On her future projects: “There’s this Walter Salles film I really want to do. It’s called On the Road. It has the vibe of that movie The Dreamers […] I want to work with Walter Salles so bad. I had to audition for him. It was the first audition I’ve had since Freaky Friday.”

On the media firestorm surrounding her: “I feel like the asshole, the idiot, because I feel like I’m distracting from the other things that are important, like global warming and that kind of stuff. I genuinely mean that. And I don’t know what to do.”

On avoiding fame: “I hate it, like, when these people say, ‘Well, why do you go to the Ivy if you don’t want …’ Seriously, I like their food! I can’t go to a restaurant? I know I’m going to get pictures taken. I’m fine with it. And I’m going to go have their food. People give you shit for it: ‘Don’t go on Robertson!’ What, I can’t drive down the street?”

On sleep troubles: “I have really bad insomnia. My whole life. I get nervous at night going to bed, and being awake alone really freaks me out.”

On her career aspirations: “I just want to be nominated for an award for all the work I’ve done. It’s so funny – people forget that I played two characters in Parent Trap when I was twelve years old.”

[Highlight from September, 2007 Elle interview sent via e-mail]

She also falsely claims she only went out without panties once in Venice, but she did it again that month in London, hiking her skirt up in the back of a car to show her shaved kitty. She said people digitally manipulate the pictures of her. She also said that she’s just “best friends” with Samantha Ronson.

One moment she claims to not look at nude pictures of herself online and then she goes on to say people alter them to make her look fat. It’s pretty obvious that he does look at pictures of herself from the way she blathers on. Liars often give themselves away with too many details.

What’s up with going commando in public?
Me?
You – getting off a boat, getting out of a car. You need to spend some time on the naughty mat.
It was once, and it was when I was in Venice. And I was rushing through the room, threw the Prada dress on. And that’s what happened. And I didn’t even see the picture. I don’t look at that shit – that’s gross. If I wear a dress I have underwear on.
Denial is not a river in Egypt.
Can I tell you something? If I’m wearing a nude thong, they retouch it. I f’ck around on my computer, I know how easy it is. They make my face look swollen. I’m like, “Are you that bored?” I hear things about the night before that never happened. Like, they said I was dating my best friend – the Samantha Ronson thing. She’s my best friend!

[From PDF File of September, 2007 interview in Elle Magazine. Sent via e-mail]

This girl does know how to stay out of the spotlight as she’s been MIA for over a week. She’s thought to be in an undisclosed rehab. I bet it’s worse for her not to get her picture taken than it is to not be able to drink or do drugs. She was in rehab for well over a month before her latest DUI but there were rumors that she found ways to get high in there anyway. She certainly figured out how to get her photo taken.

When are they going to put this bitch in jail already?

Today’s NY Post says that Lindsay lost a potential contract with Louis Vuitton after repeatedly stealing clothes they outfitted her in for photo shoots. They won’t even lend her items in the future. Gorbachev probably returns all his sample stuff without a problem.

Since the ban is lifted I’m going all out and reporting on yet another Lohan story. In this case I’ll include two in one to spare you additional stories.

Lohan’s maybe-girlfriend DJ Samantha Ronson is suing blogger Perez Hilton and photo and gossip site Celebrity Babylon for reporting that she planted to coke in Lohan’s car after her DUI accident and that she was setting her up for pictures with the paparazzi to make some quick cash. She’s suing them for $20 million in libel.

Ronson, herself a budding celebrity deejay, is striking back at suggestions that cocaine found in Lohan’s car after an infamous fender-bender was actually hers.

Named as defendants were Jill Ishkanian, who runs the Sunset Photo and News Agency, and Mario Lavandeira, who blogs as Perez Hilton.

In June, Hilton repeated the cocaine claim that first appeared on CelebrityBabylon.com, a Web site operated by Sunset Photo.

That site claimed Ronson was “making a tidy profit on the side, shilling Lohan, 20, out to photographers eager to get her photo looking passed out and wasted.”

It continued: “If that wasn’t shocking enough, sources say that it was Ronson who was holding the cocaine later found in Lindsay’s car.”

[From NY Daily News]

Meanwhile Ronson and Lohan’s lovey text messages to each other were exposed on MySpace and reported by Star Magazine. Maybe that’s why she’s so paranoid of hackers.

And in these pictures taken at PURE on July 15th, Lohan is wearing one of those ankle bracelets that detects if a person has been drinking by measuring their sweat. It’s called SCRAM, Secure Continuous Remote Alcohol Monitoring. Multiple DUI-offender Tracy Morgan has one too.

People Magazine reports that she made the decision to wear the bracelet on her own. Is it crass of me to think it’s yet another attention ploy?

On her own, she has also made the decision in support of her sobriety to wear an alcohol monitoring bracelet. In part she is wearing the bracelet so there are no questions about her sobriety if she chooses to go dancing or dining in a place where alcohol is served.”

When you’re trying to stay sober, aren’t you supposed to stay out of bars and nightclubs? I mean that’s how she got in trouble after her last rehab stint. It’s great that she’s wearing a alcohol monitor and all, but couldn’t she just stay home for a few f’ing days? I know she just got out of rehab and all, but that doesn’t mean she has to hit the bars immediately.

Thanks to student_muse on ONTD for pointing out the ankle bracelet. Pictures from Splash News.

The LohitneyParis ban is officially lifted, but we’ll still make sure to be judicious with our coverage of these fools. Lohan is particularly irksome to me, but most of you guys find her less annoying than Paris or Britney.

The guy at Celebslam published a chat session with Lindsay Lohan last Friday. He was just screwing around chatting with her on Gmail, having received an insider tip on her real e-mail address. She accused them of hacking into her computer and stealing nude pictures that “Cal,” presumed to be her ex-boyfriend and all-around creep Calum Best, took of her. All Celebslam said was that he had a birthday present for her, and she got upset and revealed that she thought he was the one who hacked her computer.

In fact Celebslam had nothing to do with the theft of anything from Lohan’s computer, nor was he aware of the hack or the lost photos. You can tell this is true by reading what he said to her. Lohan gave him a great story by accusing him of the hack.

But Page Six reported this today as if Celebslam stole Lohan’s photos. They called the popular gossip blog “underground” and “stalkerish” and said that he was threatening to publish the pictures, which is not the case at all. All they would have to do is read the chat session and his notes on it, which would take a literate person less than three minutes, to get the actual story, but this was obviously too difficult for them.

Just weeks after sultry shots of Lohan and Vanessa Minnillo goofing around with kitchen knives hit the Web, underground site celebslam.com claims it has its hands on nude photos of Lindsay – and the stalker-ish site is threatening to publish them.

If you read the chat session, posted above and available with commentary on Celebslam, you would see that the real story is he got the freshly out of rehab dumb-ass to reveal that the photos were stolen, not that he did it.

So Britney Spears ditched her cousin/personal assistant Alli and shacked up with her bodyguard. She is said to binge drinking, eating and shopping. She is also under investigation by California Child Protective services, and they cited her for not putting gates around her pool area. It still not that interesting to me, and I don’t give a crap about Britney. She does pull a lot of dumb stunts though, and it’s hard not to pay attention to her.

Paris was sort-of caught smoking herb this week, she went out wearing a t-shirt with a pop art portrait of herself on it.

Lohan is a bit more interesting as her lesbian affair with DJ Samantha Ronson was exposed through lovey MySpace messages. She also claimed rehab saved her life and bragged about how she’s reading Machiavelli’s The Prince, which surely helps her feel justified for treating people like crap and stealing from her friends.

So who should we cover, if any of them?

Lindsay Lohan’s rehab stay has been all over the press. It’s a good thing she’s at least trying it but I wonder if there is a place for mothers of celebrities like LL?

It’s my opinion that Lindsay’s mom Dina needs a long stay in place for really bad mothers. I know that sounds harsh but pick up a magazine or turn on the TV and you’ll see why I feel this way.
For example, she visited her daughter in rehab with the TV crews!

Dina Lohan brought camera crews from Entertainment Tonight and The Insider with she visited Lindsay recently. That is just sad. I am sure was the publicist’s idea but she’s Lindsay’s mom!

If there is such a place for “celebrity mother rehab” Dina could probably get a double-room with a number of other moms in Hollywood. Dina Lohan is not the first mom to be like this and she won’t be the last. You just have to hope LL has some good friends and counselors. With a mom like Dina for support, it’s a long road to recovery.

Mike Tyson has checked into the same Wonderland rehab that Lindsay Lohan was said to have ruined for everyone. At least one resident complained that all of the freedom given to Lohan during her stay had adversely affected the facility, where regulations were lifted after Lindsay breezed in and started treating it like a hotel.

That seems to suit Mike Tyson fine. Tyson was caught in a club parking lot in Arizona in December with a bunch of cocaine – right after he busted out of a presumably more restrictive rehab. Now he’s checked into Wonderland to keep Lohan company when she feels like showing up.

The 40-year-old reportedly checked himself into the Wonderland Center this past weekend (ends28Jan07) in the Hollywood Hills.

Yesterday we reported a story from The National Enquirer that claimed that Lindsay was bucking the staff at the facility despite the fact that they’re letting her come and go and have lifted the rules on her behalf. Staff members were said to suspect that she suffers from bipolar disorder. Some commentors noted that it could be possible, while others said it’s a serious disorder that shouldn’t be mentioned unless there’s real proof that Lindsay has it.

If people trying to get sober thought things were crazy at Wonderland with Lohan there, how is it going to be now that Mike Tyson is in the house?