The video of Lindsay Lohan’s photoshoot with Muse Magazine, which resulted in various photos that “emulated: a drug-fueled threesome, has been released. The last one I viewed was removed from YouTube for terms of use violation – so watch it while you can. (Update: the last video we had up was removed, but I’ve replaced it with this one from Daily Motion, which should be more stable.)

It’s really as bad as you would expect given the photos we’ve seen. The thing is set to porny music and it’s so dirty it makes me want to take a bath. It’s not sexy dirty it’s nasty, funky-smelling, stale cigarette smoke dirty. In fact there’s so much cigarette smoking going on that it makes my eyes water. At 1:00 minute into the film there’s even a visible bite mark on the poor male model Petey’s back. There are several scenes in which Lindsay seems to be lounging and smoking a cigarette while she’s been serviced for lack of a better word. She looks really strung out, or as Kaiser puts it “cranked out of her skull.”

The video description notes that this photo shoot took place at the Chateau Marmot. This would explain why Lindsay was seen entering the place with Petey on October 30th. Maybe she told the truth when she claimed that “My photo shoots consist of work and only work.” Still, Lindsay was seen kissing the same guy at a club and was photographed out with him several times. Of course her “work” spilled out into her skeevy personal life. It’s like there’s no separation between the two now. Maybe that’s the whole point of this video.

Lindsay is now headed to India to work on some kind of child trafficking documentary with the BBC. I’m scratching my head too, but surely there’s some irony to be found in what I believe is Lindsay’s first foray into charity work.

Thanks to skeptical for the tip!

Photos are screenshots from the video.

Lindsay Lohan really will sleep with anyone. Then when she’s called on it she’ll insist it’s a “business relationship” as if she’s still doing any sort of business other than occasionally selling leggings and tanning spray. To Lohan, bedding random men probably is business because she’s got to keep her name in the press somehow. It’s better than showing up to events looking whacked out of her mind.

Actor Jason Segal (How I Met Your Mother, Forgetting Sarah Marshall) is Lohan’s latest overnight “coworker.” She was seen leaving his house Saturday morning just a few minutes after Segal came out smiling for the paps and carrying a strange Dracula puppet. (We don’t have the rights to those photos, but you can see them on D-Listed.) This isn’t the first time Segel and Lohan have been linked. They were partying together in September and may have spent the night/early morning together. Segel was spotted making out with Chloe Sevigny a couple of weeks later, so we were hoping he’d moved on but apparently not.

Lohan has tweeted about the incident in which she was busted doing the walk of shame outside Segel’s house. She shows that she’s unable to spell or to use the @ sign properly in this denial:

haha*now..a meeting at a coworkers home has turned into a new love interest! It’s absurd! @least I’m laughing @the rediculous manifestations – 3:33 PM Dec 5th

[From Twitter via D-Listed]

This comes after she tweeted that she wasn’t at a “friends” house where paparazzi were waiting:

Hahahaha paparazzi sitting outside of my friends house all night&day now waiting for me to leave… Too bad I’m not even there. – 2:14 PM Dec 5th

[From Twitter]

Now which friend would that be? Do you think Jason Segel has paparazzi that follow him at all? Who else could she be talking about?

Meanwhile Lindsay is in what could be her trashiest photoshoot yet – this time for Muse Magazine. She’s posed topless before, and was barely-dressed and less than sober-looking in a recent spread for the London Times Style Magazine, but this one takes the cake. The NY Post has the photographs and Lohan looks like she’s involved in some kind of drug-fueled threesome. In one picture, she poses all stretched and strung-out looking in a bathroom door. She has arms above her head and you can seeskinny ass in just a pair of pantyhose, her bad extensions spread out down her back like a Barbie doll’s hair after it’s been discarded. Lindsay’s cover photo is just awful. Her pupils are pinpricks and she looks absolutely wasted. I get the impression that these photos aren’t that far off from reality. Add a vampire puppet in there and you have an average Friday night for Lindsay.

Here’s the photographer’s statement trying to justify this as art. Lindsay’s boob is hanging out but it’s somehow spontaneous, just like all her nip slips and sideboob moments:

“The three of them were very sensual and provocative, but Lindsay understands this piece was created not for any sensational value other than artistic integrity,” Tsai said. “There was never a discussion about pushing the boundaries. She was totally comfortable with the nudity as long as it had artistic integrity.

“When you see her nipple, it just happened in the moment. She was playing the role of Kate Moss — you’re at a party and you are with a guy you really love and another girl.

[From The NY Post via Huffington Post]

Kate Moss knew when to sort-of clean up and shut up. We can only hope that Lindsay takes a similar path.

Jezebel has this week’s tabloid roundup, and Lindsay Lohan is all over the place as usual. I tend to believe US Weekly more than the other celebrity rags, as they have a little more integrity and don’t tend to make up stories. (They also broke the cheating scandals with the Gosselins and LeAnn Rimes this year.) Sadly, they’re reporting that Lohan was making out with Jessica Alba’s husband, Cash Warren, at a club a couple of weeks ago. There’s a specific date and everything, which makes the report seem kind of real. If it’s true, I feel bad for Alba even though she’s not my favorite actress. There’s regular cheating and then there’s your husband making out in public with one of Hollywood’s skankiest, drug-addicted, thieving narcissists. Meanwhile, In Touch is reporting that Lohan is hooking up on the down low with Kevin Connolly. These two reports are not mutually exclusive, and I can understand why Connolly would want to keep it a secret if he’s sleeping with Lohan. I could also see Lindsay getting bored and making out at a bar with whoever happens to be nearby and interested.

US Weekly: “No celeb goes to Villa in West Hollywood on Thursday nights anymore.” But on November 19, Lindsay Lohan and Jessica Alba’s husband Cash Warren both showed up with their friends and sat together, and after about 30 minutes, started making out “lip on tongue.” “It was raw,” says an eyewitness. “They were not shy.” Lindsay spoke to Us and says she and Cash are friends who are collaborating on a potential TV show. “This is so absurd. He is married. I wouldn’t dare kiss him.”

InTouch: Lindsay Lohan is having a “secret romance” with Entourage star Kevin Connolly. They’ve known each other for years but hooked up at a party at Leonardo DiCaprio’s house in November and are “sneaking around.”

[From Jezebel via D-Listed]

Lindsay’s denial doesn’t mean much. She would probably still claim to be with Sam if she was asked. (She did hang out and talk to her one night after John Mayer intervened on her behalf.) Now, the question is will Alba ignore this disgusting makeout session by her husband, will she make him pay for it at home, or will she divorce him? How do you explain making out with Lindsay Lohan at a club? Cash might either deny it or go for the guilty approach and try to minimize it. “I was drunk. I’m so sorry. It was just a onetime thing and didn’t go any further.” How out of it, stupid, and absolutely uncommitted to your marriage do you have to be to make out with a tabloid target celebrity at a popular nightclub? It’s like Cash wants out and is trying to send his wife a passive aggressive message. Maybe he’s still pissed that his wife made him dress like a dorky kids’ educational cartoon character for Halloween.

Lindsay Lohan is shown out in West Hollywood last night. Jessica, Cash and their daugher Honor, one and a half, are shown on 11/27/09. Credit: Fame Pictures. Header is of Warren supporting the “Youth PROMISE Act at the Rayburn Building” in Washington, DC on 5/7/09. Credit: Carrie Devorah/WENN.com

Lindsay on 11/5/09. Credit: Pacific Coast News

Mother of God. I’m crossing myself! CB just sent me these photos, and it’s just… my God, is Lindsay pregnant? Here’s what CB thinks:

“Lindsay Lohan is a very tiny person with a stomach that nearly always looks flat. It’s possible that she’s bloated, or that she’s having IBS or is eating more or something, but I really think she looks pregnant. She’s been seen out with a much fuller looking stomach recently. If this is the case we should really fear for that baby for a lot of reasons. Nicole Richie was able to clean up fast for the sake of her first child, though, and if Lohan really is pregnant she might be able to get sober too. I hope I’m wrong, though.”

I hope we’re wrong too… but this does not look good. My initial thought was that Lindsay hasn’t been “back to bangin’ dudes” for that long, you know? Her alleged hookup with Balthazar Getty was less than a month ago. And it was only last week that she was spotted with model and Samantha Ronson-lookalike Petey Wright. So, she’s maybe been back to dudes for a month or so? That’s not enough time for her to have a “bump”. And, let’s be reasonable – it could totally be bloating from alcohol.

However, here are the reasons she could totally be pregnant: she could have been cheating on Sam Ronson for a while, so maybe the “Lindsay is back to dudes” timeline is off, and she’s further along than I’m estimating. Second reason: I don’t see her remembering to use any kind of contraception. So I could definitely see an “accidental” pregnancy. Third reason: Lindsay loves drama, so what could be more dramatic than getting pregnant?

Unfortunately for everybody involved (especially the alleged baby), if Lindsay is pregnant, I don’t see her “getting clean” like Nicole Richie did. But Nicole surprised me with her turnaround, so maybe Lindsay could too. Is Lindsay capable of putting a baby’s needs ahead of her own? I doubt it. This could be a mess.

Note by Celebitchy: OK, we wrote up this whole story and thought Lohan looked pregnant for sure, but then found these half-top photos of her (below) from 10/28 and her stomach looks normal. I hope she’s just bloated.

Lindsay on 10/26/09. Credit: INFPhoto.com. These photos are straight from the agencies.

Sheer top photos credit: Bauergriffinonline and are from 11/5/09.

Yesterday we heard a pretty sad and disturbing phone call from Lindsay Lohan to her dad, asking for some kind of help. In our coverage, I neglected to mention that Lindsay’s dad Michael threatened last week to release the tape in retaliation to his ex wife’s claim that he was lying about Lindsay’s prescription drug addiction. The truth is that I try not to pay that much attention to the guy and am embarrassed that I missed that detail. Michael said “If Dina and her cohorts want to continue lying, I could [keep exposing her] for a year – on so many different subjects. My lawyers told me to keep every single conversation – and I did.”

In the tape, Lindsay sobs uncontrollably and says that her Mom told her she was worse off than her dad was. It’s kind of clear she’s talking about her drug addiction, although she doesn’t specifically say that.

Lindsay’s lawyer tells Radar Online she’s trying to figure out if Michael violated the law by releasing the tape. If so, it sounds like Lindsay is going to go after him legally. She’s already said to be seeking a restraining order against him, although I haven’t seen confirmation that it’s gone through:

Lindsay Lohan’s legal ace attorney, Shawn Chapman Holley, is doing every thing in her power to go after Michael Lohan, following his release of a phone conversation between himself and his daughter.

Chapman Holley tells RadarOnline.com that she is “exploring all options both civilly, and criminally. We are talking to legal authorities in New York and Los Angeles to determine if any laws were broken.”

Chapman Holley goes on to say, “This was a private phone conversation, and if this conversation took place in California then it was a violation of the law.”

Michael Lohan tells RadarOnline.com that Lindsay made the call from New York.

Michael Lohan has been publicly saying that Lindsay needs help and is in a fragile state. He says he released this tape in an attempt to prove his point and to disprove those around Lindsay who are saying she is fine.

[From Radar]

Lindsay has taken to her Twitter to deny that the call is recent along with expressing her outrage that her dad would release it. She wrote: “fathers such a loser & those recordings are from years ago. To release personal things is foul enough, but to edit them. I used to think That he needed the book for dummies on learning how to be a father. Haha-he’s needs the book for dummies on HOW TO BE A MAN.”

Lindsay definitely needs help. Look at her – her pupils are pinpricks and she looks strung out. (Very small pupils like Lindsays are indicative of opiate use, often prescription drugs like Oxycontin. Large dilated pupils show stimulant use like cocaine.*)

Her dad is just pushing her further away with these obnoxious tactics. He name dropped Heath Ledger in an interview and said she’d be dead in a year for God’s sake – he went on Maury! If anything Lindsay’s family, with her in-denial mom and her in-your-face self-righteous famewhore dad, just goes to show how she ended up so messed up.

The girl is just 23. She’s at an age where she should know better though, definitely, and she’s done so many awful things that it’s hard to know whether she’ll ever realize that she’s not the center of the universe. Getting clean and sober would be a start. I doubt she’ll give up her crutch while she’s fighting her dad over this, though.

*Here is a link to a book that describes pupil size by drug use. I heard this last week on NPR’s Fresh Air with a doctor who used to work at Bellevue.

Lindsay is shown at an event on 10/24/09. Credit: Juan Rico/Fame Pictures

Radar has a recording of a very troubled phone call from Lindsay Lohan in which she slurs her words so heavily that it’s nearly impossible to tell what she’s saying. They include handy captions on the video, and she’s talking about how she needs help while sobbing heavily. She sounds really pitiful, and doesn’t make much sense at first, even with the words spelled out. Then she goes on to say that it “No one cares about me… It’s about how they feel, not how I feel. It’s not about me. It’s never been about me, unless I fight for it.” I would feel sorry for her if she wasn’t such a narcissistic person who hadn’t pissed away every opportunity she’s been given.

Given the fact that the phone call is to her dad, who has been blabbing for weeks about how he’d like to stage an intervention for Lindsay, we can assume that he’s the one who sold her out to the press. I wonder when he recorded that call and how much he got paid for it. It hardly seems worth the money since it just confirms what people already know. Michael Lohan is probably sitting somewhere with those crazy eyes of his, rubbing his hands together at how much money he made proving his point. Sadly he betrayed his daughter even more thoroughly than he had before, and she probably won’t talk to him for a while. He’s not going to “save” her like this, but it’s not like that was ever his intention:

It’s a shocking side of actress Lindsay Lohan we’ve never heard or seen before — three minutes of a recorded audio tape revealing her heart-wrenching and desperate plea for help.

The tape, obtained exclusively by RadarOnline.com, is the first of several which were recorded from phone calls Lindsay and her mom Dina made to Lindsay’s dad Michael Lohan.

The tape reveals a tortured and inconsolable Lindsay. At times she wails and sobs uncontrollably— at others, she whimpers like a child as she complains about problems with her family and ex-girlfriend Samantha Ronson.

“Mommy says that I’m worse than you were,” Lindsay can be heard crying to her dad. “And she’s defending…She doesn’t back me…she doesn’t stand by me.”

Lindsay continues, “No one cares about me. They don’t, by the way. It’s about how they feel, not how I feel. It’s not about me. It’s never been about me, unless I fight for it.”

[From Radar Online]

It’s like Lindsay’s just figuring out that the world doesn’t revolve around her and she can’t handle it. Radar says this is “the first of several” recorded phone calls so does that mean they bought a package deal from Lindsay’s dad and will they be leaking her calls piecemeal over the next few days and weeks? This is such a mess.

Lindsay is shown on 10/27/09. Credit: David Tonnessen, PacificCoastNews.com

Lindsay Lohan got another job! She’s going to be hosting the Singapore Grand Prix. Apparently, Singapore loves their crack heads? Maybe not – she got the gig because Pussy Cat Doll Nicole Scherzinger had to drop out. That’s right, y’all. Lindsay’s now taking secondhand gigs from a Pussy Cat Doll. Lindsay’s all over it, too, telling the Associated Press that she’s a “big fan” of both the Grand Prix and of NASCAR. Oh, really? She also basically gives a “no comment” about the Nicolas Prugo-burglary situation:

Actress Lindsay Lohan will host three days of concerts featuring Beyonce Knowles and Black Eyed Peas to coincide with Sunday night’s Singapore Grand Prix.

Lohan, 23, was a last-minute replacement after Pussy Cat Doll Nicole Scherzinger dropped out earlier this month. The concerts, known as F1 Rocks, run Thursday to Saturday and include No Doubt, ZZ Top, Simple Minds and N.E.R.D.

“It’s a bunch of amazing performers whom I’m a really big fan of,” Lohan said in an interview.

Lohan said she’s also a Formula One fan.

“I like to drive. I like cars. I like fast cars,” she said. “I studied NASCAR for almost a year for Herbie. It was very hot inside those cars.”

Lohan starred in 2005 in “Herbie: Fully Loaded,” a comedy about a Volkswagen Beetle on the racing circuit.

Lohan’s Hollywood Hills home was broken into last month, and last week police arrested Nicholas Prugo, 18, on suspicion of felony burglary in connection with the case.

Lohan, who arrived in Singapore on Thursday, declined to say whether she knew Prugo.
“I don’t really want to get into the details of that,” Lohan said. “That’s for the detectives to do.”

Last year’s Singapore Grand Prix was F1′s first-ever night race.

[From Huffington Post]

Well, good for her I guess. It’s always nice to see someone will step up and help Lindsay support herself (and her habit?). Lindsay’s had a really busy week, you know. Lindsay spent the Emmys doing her patented cracked-out tweets to Samantha Ronson. Nothing as good as the ever-classic “For their not only COMPLETE, BUT SUBSTANISAN…for being a friend before a sell-out… the term “self out” was coined from ME and I gave them sooooooo much insight…you JUST told me that your friends are worth more than i am 2 your family & that i’m gross”. But some of these are pretty… awesome? Sad? Pathetic? Stuff like: “Nice to see @samantharonson has found a 90210 rather than being a loyal” and “Nice to see @samantharonson has found a party rather than being honest”. The best was “@samantharonson off to another country, send my love to your family lol J”. After her Twitter freakout, she threw beer cans at paparazzi, and was generally bratty. Good to see that kind of behavior gets rewarded with work.

Last week, an arrest was made in the Lindsay Lohan burglary case. Allegedly, bandits made off with $2 million in jewelry, but left Lindsay’s crackhead erotica. There were many, many people who claimed that Lindsay had a part in burgling herself, but people took a small breath when it seemed like 18-year-old Nicolas Prugo was part of a team that burglarized Lohan and Audrina Patridge, and maybe more people. Prugo seemed to have no connection to Lindsay. Yeah… that didn’t last.

At first, TMZ reported that Lohan and Prugo had a possible connection, all relating to Lindsay’s starring role in a direct-to-DVD film called Labor Pains. According to TMZ, “Nicholas Prugo’s father happens to be Frank Prugo — who is the former vice president of First Look Studios. First Look is unfortunately responsible for releasing “Labor Pains” — which was filmed last year — starring one Lindsay Lohan. The movie was released in May of this year — LiLo’s home was broken into in August when she was New York. Although Frank is no longer with First Look — the two degrees of separation between Nick and Lindsay is hard to ignore.” Just hours later, TMZ got some sources who claimed that Lindsay had been seen in Prugo’s company nearly a dozen times:

The man arrested for allegedly burglarizing Lindsay Lohan’s house may not have been a stranger to the actress..

Several people who worked with her on the movie “Labor Pains” — which was shot last year — tell TMZ they saw Nick Prugo hanging out on the set with Lindsay. One person who worked on the set estimates she saw them together at least 10 times.

Prugo — who is 18 — was arrested for cocaine possession last February. He pled guilty and was placed in a drug diversion program. He was also arrested last month for DUI.

We don’t know if Prugo had been to Lindsay’s house prior to the break-in.

No comment so far from Lindsay’s camp.

[From TMZ]

Yeah, I think she had something to do with the break-in. At first, I thought her involvement was of the “her dealer sent some people to collect” variety. But now I think her involvement was of the “that crackhead loves her drama so much, she burgled herself” variety. I hope Prugo talks. Can Lindsay go to jail for burgling herself? Probably – because those $2 million in jewels weren’t hers, so an insurance claim must have been filed at some point. That’s insurance fraud. And that’s jail.

Lindsay Lohan is shown out on 9/19 and 9/20/09. Credit: PER/Fame Pictures and WENN.com

Remember how Lindsay Lohan’s house was mysteriously burglarized? The drama went down several weeks ago, and it kept coming in waves. Allegedly, the burglars got away with $2 million in borrowed jewelry. Fortunately, they did not seem to get their hands on Lindsay’s alleged stash of her own crackhead erotica. Adding to the drama? The security tapes of the burglars revealed one figure who looked remarkably like Lindsay. The idea that Lindsay burgled herself shocked no one – but we might have been wrong!

An arrest has been made in the burglary of both Lindsay and Audrina Patridge’s homes. The guy’s name is Nicholas Prugo, and he was arrested on a felony charge of suspicion of burglary. He’s being held on a $20,000 bail:

The culprit caught on security videos in both Lindsay Lohan and Audrina Patridge’s home burglaries has been arrested, Los Angeles police announced.

Nicholas Prugo, 18, was arrested Thursday morning in connection with the two break-ins. He was charged with felony burglary and is being held on $20,000 bail, police records show.

Lohan’s mother Dina tells PEOPLE, “Yes, we have found [him], God is good.”

Lohan’s Hollywood Hills home was burglarized last month by a young man and woman in which a safe was ripped out of the wall, and bags, shoes and jewelry were stolen.

In February, the apparent same pair broke into Patridge’s Los Angeles home and was caught on tape making off with several bags of her possessions.

So far, police have only confirmed the arrest of Prugo. “As of now we just have this one person in custody, and the investigation is ongoing,” says LAPD spokeswoman Karen Rayner.

The break-ins were among a rash of recent starlet burglaries in the past year, all within several miles of each other. Paris Hilton, Hayden Panettiere and Rachel Bilson have also been victimized, but Prugo was not arrested in those cases.

[From People]

Well, you could make the argument that Lindsay could still be involved somehow… but she probably isn’t. Most likely Prugo is one guy in a small team of hoods – at least, that’s what years of watching Law & Order have taught me. I will expect D.A. Jack McCoy to plead Prugo out if he drops the dime on his co-conspirators. And then the twist will come during his allocution! Lindsay was involved the whole time! Worst. Episode. Ever.

Lindsay Lohan is shown out on 9/15/09 and 9/10/09. Credit: WENN.com

Even when I’m reading an actual report or gossip item about Lindsay Lohan, I struggle to understand what she’s doing. But Lindsay Lohan in her words, or rather, her own cracked-out, illiterate, booze-and-coke-fueled Twitter rants are totally incomprehensible to me. But she’s at it again. Just consider them little drops of crack sunshine to make your tension headache throb into your eyeballs.

First, in a story we did not cover from last week, Lindsay’s insane Twitter drama was taken to a new level when Samantha Ronson went to Las Vegas without her. It seems Sam went to DJ at the Venetian at an event to promote Justin Timberlake’s line of tequila. As we know, Justin Timberlake hates Lindsay. So Lindsay wasn’t invited for that, and probably several other reasons. So Lindsay spent the night tweeting away her own her own self-perpetuating drama. As Lainey points out, the drama always starts when Lindsay can’t get ahold of Sam. Then we get tweets like “ur boyfriend/girlfriend is in vegas, dont invite you-are sweet, but then start getting defensive before they leave to go ‘bartend’ for no r.” Ugh.

So the latest drama went down last night. The timeline the Huffington Post gives is “some point between 1:30 Wednesday afternoon and 7:30 am on Thursday.” Lindsay went on the attack, whining about (I think it‘s whining) “errors” and “cheats”. Oh, crack dramz. I’m going to just put up some of my translations:

* “For their not only COMPLETE, BUT SUBSTANISAN” = I think Lindsay is saying that she completely knows Sam cheated on her, and her fears have been substantiated. Or Lindsay could be trying to contact her dealer and get the good stuff from the Republic of Substanistan.

* “can you make an attempt to not ruin ANTHI” = Sam is obviously cheating on Lindsay with a dude named Anthi, which is a cute nickname for “Anthony”.

* “for being a friend before a sell-out… the term “self out” was coined from ME and I gave them sooooooo much insight” = Lindsay is absolutely right, the term “self out” was coined in Maine.

* “you JUST told me that your friends are worth more than i am 2 your family & that i’m gross” = Lindsay is gross.

At one point I was thinking about calling these Lindsay’s “suicide tweets” but I thought it would be too … morbid, and too honest. This girl is such a trainwreck. But I also think she’s got a whiff of Amy Winehouse in her too – meaning that Lindsay will survive to crack tweet another day. She’s like a cockroach.

Thanks to D-Listed for the screenshot of Lohan’s Twitter account, below. Lindsay Lohan is shown shopping with her mother in Soho on 9/8/09. Credit: WENN.com