Well, here’s another “blow” for Lindsay Lohan. TMZ reports that the IRS has seized all of her bank accounts (that they know about)!! So much for Charlie Sheen’s payment for services rendered loan of $100,000. So much for all of those cash transactions. So much for Lindsay handing $10,000 to her sister for their brother’s tuition… at 4 a.m. at a club. You know what really surprises me? That Lindsay even HAS bank accounts at this point. Aren’t all of her jobs cash transactions?

As if she weren’t royally screwed enough … Lindsay Lohan’s tax problems have become so extreme … the IRS has seized ALL of her bank accounts in order to repay her massive outstanding debt.

As we reported, Uncle Sam has filed tax liens against Lindsay for the years 2009 and 2010 — claiming she owes $233,904 in unpaid federal taxes.

Charlie Sheen generously paid Lindsay $100,000 to help alleviate Lindsay’s 2009 tax problem — but we’re told Charlie’s check barely scratched the surface … because Lindsay also owes money for 2011.

The IRS has given Lindsay ample time to pay up — but the Man’s tired of waiting … so we’re told the IRS has seized ALL her bank accounts in order to settle her debt.

Sources close to Lindsay tell TMZ, she’s in full-on panic mode about her financial situation, and is desperately trying to make some cash to get out of the red.

[From TMZ]

At first I was like, “Only 2009 and 2010? I guess they’ve only gotten to 2010. I bet her 2011 taxes are a hot mess too.” And then magically TMZ said that her 2011 returns are a mess too. This is a wonderful message to all of the young crackheads out there: you can be a cracked-out mess with the cops, you can be a cracked out mess with your court-ordered rehab, you can be a cracked-out mess with the California Justice system, but you cannot be a cracked out mess with the IRS. The IRS will always get you. The IRS has a very low tolerance for crackheads.

Speaking of rehab, TMZ also claims that, according to Vodka McCracken, she DOES NOT need rehab:

Lindsay Lohan’s friends are trying to make her go to rehab, but she’s saying NO! NO! NO! … telling them she doesn’t believe she needs it … TMZ has learned.

As TMZ first reported, Lindsay has become so stressed out by her impending probation violation, she’s been hitting the bottle hard … drinking as much as two liters of vodka per day.

According to our sources, close friends of Lindsay have been urging her to go to rehab BEFORE she goes to court … hoping the move might win her favor with the judge.

But we’re told Lindsay is having none of it … telling friends she does not think she has a problem with alcohol. Our sources say Lindsay points to the fact that she recently completed three movies as proof she does not need rehab. Funny … cause watching “Liz & Dick” suggests the opposite.

We’re told Lindsay is worried about the upcoming hearing, but maintains she will not check into rehab as a way to try and avoid jail time.

Don’t say they didn’t warn you.

[From TMZ]

Yeah. I don’t think rehab should even be at the table. How many times has she even been in and out of rehab? It’s like… half a dozen or more trips. It doesn’t help. It doesn’t sober her up. It’s not an appropriate punishment. You know what an appropriate punishment would be? The Supermax federal prison in Colorado. I’m just sayin’.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Of course I knew it was coming. You knew it was coming. Everyone knew it was coming. As soon as the NYPD slapped the cuffs on Lindsay Lohan and she started crack-squawking “Are you kidding me?!” over and over, we all saw the writing on the proverbial crack wall. Lindsay Lohan would not be going gently into that crack night. She would not be admitting her multitude of problems, she would not be throwing herself upon the mercy of a justly vindictive court, she would not show humility in the face of her crack-chickens coming home to roost. No, Lindsay was going to deny, deny, deny. Lindsay was set-up. Lindsay was FRAMED. It was never going to be Lindsay’s fault. It’s somebody else’s fault. It’s the black guy’s fault. It’s the victim’s fault. It’s her assistant’s fault. It’s her mother’s fault. It’s her father’s fault. It’s her lawyer’s fault. But it is never Lindsay’s fault. Y’all just keep on lying on Lindsay, probably because you’re so jealous of her extraordinary beauty and talent.

Hours after her arrest for allegedly punching a woman at a New York club, Lindsay Lohan went into a meltdown at a hotel on the Upper East Side, insisting she was the innocent victim and it “was a setup.”

Sources tell Page Six that once she was sprung from police cells by lawyer Mark Jay Heller, after allegedly clocking Florida psychic Tiffany Eve Mitchell in the VIP section of club Avenue in Chelsea, Lohan headed to the hotel to escape paparazzi.

A source said, “She was crying and kept asking, ‘Why does this happen to me? This is a setup! I don’t deserve this . . . It’s not my fault!’ ” The Post reported yesterday that the altercation happened after Lohan accused the Florida blonde of stealing her sister Ali’s purse, containing $10,000 in cash that Lindsay gave her.

Our source tells us that, at the hotel, “Lindsay was saying, ‘I was trying to find out who stole Ali’s purse! I gave her the money for my family, to pay for my brother’s school fees!’ ”

The source adds, “Lindsay says she never hit the girl. She just went over to find if they had her sister’s purse. They were looking around the area, but the girl was sitting at the table, and some pushing started. Lindsay says the purse was never found. She’s desperate to find where the money is.” But another source told us the bag was indeed returned.

While Lohan was melting down, her alleged victim was lawyering up. Mitchell yesterday hired Gloria Allred, who said, “I can confirm that I am representing Tiffany Mitchell, and I have no further comment at this time.”

We’re told the club’s closed-circuit TV is fuzzy and doesn’t give immediate or clear proof that Lohan, who was arrested on suspicion of third-degree assault, punched Mitchell.

“I am completely confident that this case will be concluded favorably and that Lindsay will be totally exonerated,” attorney Heller said in a statement. If prosecuted, Lohan could get jail time if a judge finds she violated her 2011 probation on a shoplifting rap. Her rep didn’t get back to us.

[From Page Six]

Xenu H. Crackie. Let’s just see who believes Lindsay’s “story” on face value – LL says she gave her 18-year-old sister Ali (newly returned from a “modeling trip” to South Korea) $10,000 cash for their brother’s tuition? And Ali had it in her purse WHILE THEY WERE AT A CLUB. At 4 a.m. And Lindsay punched a fortune teller because she was looking for the purse. SMH.

Anyway, there’s some back and forth between Michael and Dina now, something about how Lindsay’s “accuser” (victim) lives in Florida and so does Michael and DUN DUN DUN Michael must be in cahoots with Tiffany Mitchell, of course. I mean, I’m not saying that isn’t totally possible (these are the Lohans, after all), but let’s be real: what is more likely? Lindsay punching some girl just because OR Lindsay is the victim of some kind of elaborate scheme to make her punch someone because her father is a puppet-master of crackheads? As for Tiffany Mitchell and her claim that LL was using racist slurs about the Roma community, Team Cracken has something to say about that too:

Lindsay Lohan is adamant … she did NOT punch that fortune teller at a NYC nightclub this week — but she did call her the g-word … because the fortune teller’s buddies tried to steal Lindsay’s purse.

Lindsay’s telling friends … Tiffany Mitchell approached her inside the club Avenue early Thursday morning to do a reading, but Lindsay turned her down — then noticed Tiffany’s friends crowding around her purse at a nearby table.

When Lindsay returned to her table, the people in Lindsay’s group informed her that Tiffany’s friends had swiped the purse — a super expensive black leather Celine — so Lindsay angrily confronted the fortune teller.

Lindsay has admitted calling Tiffany a “gypsy” but says she did not know the word is considered a slur.

As for hitting Tiffany — Lindsay’s totally denying that … and feels she’s the victim of yet another setup.

[From TMZ]

For goodness sake. Lindsay Lohan is such a massive projector. She steals everything that isn’t nailed down, but somehow magically everyone else is a crack thief and she’s an innocent victim? Crackie, please. Oh, and TMZ also says that Lindsay isn’t “going to wait around and wait for Tiffany Mitchell to sue her.” The Cracken is PROACTIVE, y’all. She’s hiring a private investigator (“private dick”) because Lindsay “feels Mitchell just made up the story about Lindsay punching her to score a quick payday… Lindsay feels Mitchell is just another in a long line of people who see Lindsay as an opportunity to make a buck off her … and the fact that Mitchell hired Allred of all people just proves that.”

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet.

This is one of the funniest Lindsay Lohan stories ever. It’s just random enough to be true, too. The woman who was the recipient of Lindsay’s crack-fist is named Tiffany Eve Mitchell, and she is this blonde woman that I referenced yesterday. Tiffany is a “well-know psychic” apparently (LOL) and she said that when Lindsay Lohan walked into the club, she had a “premonition” (LOL). That premonition was not that she was about to get punched in the face by a crackhead, by the way. We still don’t know what the premonition was. But whatever it was, Tiffany felt the need to walk over to Lindsay and offer her a free reading (LOL). Lindsay was all “OMG you f—king Gypsies I HATE YOU EAT MY FISTS.” Pretty much.

The victim in the Lindsay Lohan nightclub fight tells TMZ … Lohan hurled a racial slur at her moments before the brawl … calling her a “f**king Gypsy.”

TMZ spoke with Tiffany Mitchell — a well-known psychic who was at the club Avenue with a friend Wednesday night when Lohan walked in.

Tiffany tells us … she had a premonition about Lohan and approached her inside the club to offer her a free reading … but Lohan turned her down saying, “Give me my space.”

As she walked away, Tiffany’s friend says she heard Lohan call her a “f**king Gypsy” … and it set her off.

We’re told the friend went ballistic — unloading a bunch of insults back at Lohan … calling her a “whore” and telling her “Liz & Dick sucked.”

At that point, Lohan lost her cool and socked the psychic in the eye … and all hell broke loose inside the club. Lohan was eventually arrested for assault.

Tiffany’s husband tells TMZ, “We are not Gypsies. That has nothing to do with our religion … it was a racist comment.”

He adds, “Just because your career went down the drain and your new movie sucks, you can’t go around beating people up.”

As for the connection to Max from “The Wanted” — we’re told Tiffany DID have a convo with the heartthrob earlier in the evening … but it was just a friendly conversation and Lindsay had nothing to be jealous about.

[From TMZ]

Only Lindsay Lohan would be, like, offensively prejudiced against the Roma or Romani community. Only Lindsay Lohan would be grossly offended by an offer of a free reading, and respond with an ethnic slur and a crack punch. She is ridiculous. What did the Roma ever do to Lindsay?

To add to the hilarity, Lindsay has a new lawyer and he is probably already thinking “FML.” His name is Mark Heller, and he was sent out to give a statement to E! News. Poor Mr. Heller had the sad duty of trying to convince us that the Cracken was not under the influence of anything!! LOL. Heller says:

“I can tell you when I was with her this morning; she was in great condition,” attorney Mark Heller tells E! News. “She was certainly not intoxicated, certainly not under the influence of drugs. She was clear [and] lucid, her eyes were clear. No alcohol involvement whatsoever on this occasion.”

However, Heller said he didn’t ask LiLo if she had been drinking or doing drugs at any point during the evening. “It wasn’t even brought up,” he said, adding, “She was perfectly appropriate. And the police made note of that.”

Lohan is set to face formal charges at a Jan. 7 arraignment, but Heller believes he’ll prove her innocence before then.

“We are going to be working very earnestly to establish that no charges should even be lodged,” he said. “[The police] have already made arrangements to get the video from the…club, which hopefully will reveal some exonerating information. After that, they could just walk away from the case and decline to even prosecute.”

Asked how the Liz & Dick star is doing right now, Heller said, “She’s sleeping. She was up all night long and went through a very rough ordeal.”

[From E! News]

This poor bastard. Godspeed, dude. Especially considering that even TMZ is calling the Cracken out on her drinking now – TMZ says LL’s “drinking problem has returned with a vengeance — sources close to the actress tell TMZ, she’s been boozing heavily for months now … as much as TWO LITERS of vodka a day.” She’s started (?) drinking in the morning and she just boozes all day long, which is what happened the night she was arrested – she had been drinking for most of the day and night. Lindsay’s “friends” have given up trying to help her because… you know, she’s a sloppy, violent drunk and they don’t want to deal with the crack fists of doom.

Also: E! News compiled a lovely timeline of all of Lindsay’s arrests and legal shenanigans and court dates. It’s epic.

Photos courtesy of WENN, Fame/Flynet.

Yesterday, I was trying to avoid writing one single word about Michael Lohan. Even if I think Michael “Vagina-Kicker” Lohan might have a somewhat valid point about something, that’s really no excuse to give him a platform. Plus, there was plenty to talk about with Lindsay’s arrest and everything, and as it turns out, Michael Lohan was barely part of any of that. He might see himself as the self-appointed Greek chorus of this crack-tragedy, but he is not. And besides all of that, I was just waiting to hear what crack-delusions Dina Lohan, Mother Crackie herself, would have to spread about Lindsay’s arrest. I really hate that Dina did not drop an old-school “THE PROOF IS IN THE FACTS!” on us. Sigh.

Lindsay Lohan’s mother, Dina, has released a statement to RadarOnline.com about her daughter’s recent legal troubles and Thursday morning arrest asking for privacy and noting that the tough times bring their family closer together.

“At this time I kindly ask that you extend to my family the time we need to address my daughter’s circumstances with the appropriate parties. As a mother you always love and pray for the best with all your children,” Dina said.

“Our family’s bond grows deeper and stronger during the tough times and I am beyond proud of all of my children for the love and devotion they provide for each other.”

Dina goes on to say that she will stand by Lindsay — and all of her children — no matter what.

“We are there for and stand by one another unconditionally. Many thanks to all that have expressed concern for my daughter,” she said. “Your compassionate thoughts and prayers are received with my deepest gratitude.”

Lindsay, 26, was arrested and charged with third-degree assault after she allegedly hit fellow partier Tiffany Eve Mitchell on Thursday morning at a Manhattan nightclub.

Just hours later, Lindsay was formally charged with three misdemeanors by the Santa Monica City Attorney for lying to police about her June car accident on the Pacific Coast Highway when her Porsche slammed into the back of a big-rig.

Dina’s ex-husband and Lindsay’s father, Michael Lohan, exclusively told RadarOnline.com of Lindsay’s bar brawl arrest:

“Both [Dina] and Lindsay are in a dark place. I TOLD you exactly what would happen and YOU KNOW I was trying to get Dina on board with me for a long time, BUT especially the last two weeks. Lindsay is acting out in numerous ways because she needs us and internally she’s hurt and angry! Again, it’s ALL on Dina and I wish to God she would stop and resolve things with us to do the same for our children.”

[From Radar]

One, it is NOT “all” on Dina, you crack monster. It takes two cracked-out disasters to raise a delusional psycho like the Cracken, and congrats Michael, you totally did your part. As for Dina’s statement…I’d like to fix it for you:

“At this time I kindly ask that you extend to [me and my case of tequila] the time we need to address my daughter’s [crack-headedness] with the appropriate parties [meaning I’ll call her lawyer and manager and tell them Lindsay will pay them in blow and services from now on if they save her ass from this crack escapade]. As a mother you always love and pray for the best with all your children, [especially when one special child is paying all of your bills and has been since she was 14 years old so I just can’t say ‘no’ to that crackface, amirite?]”

“We are there for and stand by one another unconditionally [unless we can turn state’s evidence against the other one for a sweet plea deal, in which case CALL ME!]. Many thanks to all that have expressed concern for my daughter [Yes, she will be honoring all of her escort gigs for now]. Your compassionate thoughts and prayers are received with my deepest gratitude [because that’s what everybody needs to be doing right now, praying for a dumb crackhead who can’t go one month without screwing up. Screw praying for homeless people or veterans or refugees or the victims of Hurricane Sandy. Pray for Crackie.]“

Photos courtesy of WENN, Fame/Flynet and Pacific Coast News.

As we already know, Crackie Christmas came early this year and Lindsay Lohan was arrested early this morning for third-degree assault, because she punched some chick in the face at a nightclub, and then fled the scene like a crackhead. Well, because this is Crackie Christmas and you’ve all been so good this year, Crack Santa has given you an extra helping of crack goodness today. Here are some highlights from many more Cracken stories percolating today:

*TMZ says that Lindsay punched that woman (in the face!!) because they were fighting over Max George from The Wanted. Before hitting up the club, Lindsay went to the Justin Bieber concert and The Wanted was the opening act. Sources say LL “has been scoping Max out for the last few days.” Max is 24 years old. LL tried to get in backstage after the concert – but she couldn’t!! Because HAHAHAHA. But she did manage to “met up” (“crack stalk”) with Max and some other peeps at the hotel bar later, and then everybody went to Club Avenue.

*Once at the club, many, many sources are saying that Lindsay kept drinking and drinking and she was just a mess. TMZ says “Max was turned off by the fact LiLo was sloppy drunk inside the club.” So Max started paying attention to this other woman, which sent Lindsay into a crack rage. Allegedly, Max ended up going home with someone else entirely though.

*I’m sure everyone has seen this by now, but I love this video of Lindsay’s arrest. She’s crack-squawking “ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!” I want to have this video’s crack babies.

*Radar’s sources say that “Lindsay was completely out of control. She was drinking way too much booze and was doing cocaine.” Radar also says that the fight between Lohan and this chick began as something entirely different, but that Lindsay antagonized the woman and shoved the woman on the way to the bathroom (to do more lines). A source says, “Lindsay was just looking for trouble. She totally sucker-punched that girl in the face out of nowhere! Nobody saw it coming. Lindsay went wild. She was kicking and screaming, cursing at the girl and then spit at her. The girl looked like she wanted to fight back at Lindsay, but was too startled by all the commotion to react.”

*And finally, another gem from TMZ. According to their (LAPD) sources, Lindsay is being charged with three crimes today… IN LA!!! This is all about her June car accident, remember? TMZ says the City Attorney has filed these charges: giving false information to a peace officer (punishable by up to 6 months in jail); obstructing or resisting a police officer in the performance of his duty (punishable by 1 year in jail) and reckless driving (punishable by 90 days in jail). TMZ says the criminal complaint was filed at 9:30 AM (PST). So that’s four charges in one day on two coasts. She hit the crack lottery!!!!!!

Here’s Max George from The Wanted:

Here’s a photo of a woman that some say is Lohan’s victim (or it could be this woman):

Photos courtesy of WENN, Pacific Coast News.

I want to thank all of you for your words of encouragement yesterday… I knew I made the right decision to simply block out the horrible premiere of Liz & Dick. It probably would have given me a rage-stroke. I probably would have become a crackhead just from watching it, like the crackiness was airborne or something. Anyway, Lindsay’s turn as a bloated, crack-faced Elizabeth Taylor was universally panned. And I do mean UNIVERSALLY. Everyone thought she was awful. Except for Michael Lohan, but he doesn’t count. Vagina-kickers NEVER count. But surely we’re forgetting one other person too, right? Yes, Lindsay thought her performance as Elizabeth Taylor was nothing short of brilliant and epic and Oscar-worthy. She’ll probably try to parlay this Lifetime movie into an appearance at the Golden Globes. And Radar says she’s definitely trying to parlay this “success” into a TV show. I guess TLC is planning a Faces of Meth reality show…?

Even though critics raked Lindsay Lohan over the coals for her performance in the Lifetime television movie Liz & Dick, the former child actress is determined to star in her own television sitcom, RadarOnline.com is exclusively reporting.

“Lindsay has asked her manager and agent to look into getting her her own television sitcom,” a source close to the situation tells RadarOnline.com exclusively. “Lindsay feels that the small screen would be a great way for her to revitalize her acting career and that a comedy would be the best bet. Lindsay feels most comfortable doing comedy and it was Charlie Sheen that told her she should do it. Charlie told Lindsay that it was an easy way to make very good money and help her to get her movie career back on track. Lindsay is loving the idea of having her own sitcom and would love to play someone in a story based on her crazy life.”

As previously reported, the critics may have roundly panned her performance as Elizabeth Taylor in Liz & Dick, but Lindsay is finding one diehard fan in her father Michael.

After the web exploded with viewers making snide comments about LiLo’s turn as the iconic actress and humanitarian, the patriarch of the Lohan family took to Twitter to claim that “all the critics should find new jobs!

“They know nothing about @lindsaylohan talent! She has more talent in her pinky then all of them together,” the proud dad tweeted. “You proved the critics wrong @LindsayLohan you are one of the best, so gifted, so amazing! Now apply it ALL! God bless you! And our family!”

Meanwhile, the comedy community got an early Christmas gift with the LiLo film, as many took to Twitter to contribute their snarky insights on her supposed comeback project.

Dane Cook: “I just realized Liz & Dick is on. No, I wasn’t watching it, but I can literally smell it.”

Morgan Murphy: “If you want to see something better than Liz & Dick, go to YouTube and search for ‘explosive diarrhea.’ … Liz & Dick has shown us all what it looks like when the girl who smokes in the parking lot gets cast as the lead in the high school play.”

However, “Lindsay isn’t fazed at all by the criticism. She thinks everyone is insanely jealous of her, and like it or not, she was trending on Twitter last night. Lindsay hopes that she could get her own television sitcom like Kirstie Alley did with Fat Actress. Lindsay admires what Kirstie did and wants to follow in her footsteps,” the insider says.

[From Radar]

Believe it or not, I don’t think the biggest problem is that the Cracken wants her own TV show – I mean, she’s delusional and money-hungry, so of course she wants her own TV show. What bothers me is that she thinks her life has “sitcom” potential. Dear Crackie: Your life a crack drama, not a sitcom. Your life is like Breaking Bad without the award-worthy acting. Your life is like The Wire, only without the brilliant writing. But most of all, your life is like a really awful reality show that never ends and has no real plot. Maybe National Geographic will do a “Crackies in the Mist” special. “This is the crackie in her natural habitat, the Marmont. Let’s watch as the crackie flaunts her rotting plumage to attract a wealthy mate. The crackie ‘presents’ herself by throwing a drink at a younger, more fertile crack interloper, then shrieks her crack-siren call.”

Photos courtesy of WENN, Fame/Flynet.

Don’t hate me, but I forgot that Liz & Dick aired last night. Maybe it was a “Sorry, I ‘forgot’!” situation. All I know is that I wanted to see what happened with Cary Agos on The Good Wife (I thought his injuries would be worse) and what happened with Brody on Homeland (Nazir!). Even if I had remembered it, I’m not sure I would have watched it. The reviews were awful, the Twitter reaction was overwhelmingly negative and the clips didn’t even bring me any joy. I mean, I’m a huge Elizabeth Taylor fan, and all of this offends me so much. Anyway, I’m including some Hulu clips and feel free to discuss your disappointment with the film, or how you’re still drunk from last night’s hate-watch.

Liz & Dick’s first love scene. I cannot even describe how gross this is. Look at the f—king bruises on Lindsay’s leg.

Here’s Dick making Liz choose between him & Eddie Fisher. Allegedly this really happened, although I don’t think it happened in the middle of a party.

Liz takes a bunch of pills when Dick talks about his family. Ugh.

Here’s Dick cheating on Liz and Liz retaliating. Least convincing hotel room hissy fit ever. God, she can’t even act like a proper mess.

I like to call this clip “The Worst Fake Crier Ever!”

Photos courtesy of WENN, Fame/Flynet.

Back at the beginning of this month, Radar had a sad/disturbing/slightly funny story about Charlie Sheen and how he’s “back” on the pipe, back on cocaine, and back to spending his money in crazy ways. I don’t really believe it because… I don’t think Charlie ever STOPPED blowing through his money, you know? He’s always been on drugs. He’s always loved partying with hookers and p0rn stars and spending crazy amounts of money on crazy things. Radar claimed Charlie has “a quarter to half an ounce of cocaine delivered to him every single day and was spending nearly $2,000 a day on drugs… He snorts it, he smokes it, and then he watches p0rn. And when he’s not watching p0rn, he’s hired high-end girls to come over.” He has a favorite girl that he likes to call, and he pays her $25,000 a night and he even paid for her “vaginal rejuvenation surgery”. And a new car!

Since we have no idea who this mysterious hooker is, let’s call her “Lindsay Lohan” for argument’s sake. Lindsay and Charlie met while filming scenes for Scary Movie 5, and Charlie was reportedly disturbed by Lindsay Lohan’s lack of professionalism. Let me repeat that: Charlie Sheen, who gets coke and hookers delivered to his home every day, was worried about Lindsay Lohan’s professionalism and ability to function. Allegedly, Charlie was trying to take the young crackie under his wing, which I imagine is some sort of euphemism for a really disgusting sexual act. And surprise! Lindsay and Charlie ended up “friends” and Charlie “bought” something for her too – he paid off a big chunk of LL’s 6-figure tax bill:

Don’t ever say Charlie Sheen’s not the charitable type — because he recently cut Lindsay Lohan a $100,000 check to cover the actress’ six-figure tax bill … all out of the goodness of his heart … sources tell TMZ.

Sources close to Lindsay tell us she and Charlie became close pals while on the set of “Scary Movie 5″ back in September — spending a lot of time together both on and off the set. During their bonding period, we’re told Lindsay and Charlie talked about everything — and at one point, Lindsay mentioned her ongoing tax problems.

We’re told Charlie offered to cut her a check then and there to get the IRS off her tail, but Lindsay refused.

Fast forward to last week — sources close to Lindsay tell TMZ, Lindsay’s biz manager received a check from Charlie for $100,000.

We’re told Lindsay was blown away by Charlie’s generosity — and immediately applied the money to her outstanding tax bill.

TMZ broke the story … Lindsay allegedly owed Uncle Sam $233,904 in unpaid taxes for 2009 and 2010 — but thanks to Charlie, that number’s nearly been cut in half.

As we reported, Lindsay’s slated to earn over $2 MILLION by the end of this year — but who knows where that’s going.

[From TMZ]

You know what I don’t believe? I don’t believe that LL only has $233,904 outstanding in taxes. Surely it must be more? Because this crackhead has had tax problems for YEARS. She’s the Wesley Snipes of white, female tax evaders. The California justice system may have thrown up their hands at LL’s crack drama, but I suspect it will be the IRS that gets her in the end.

Anyway, I do have to admit… that was nice of Charlie. I’m assuming it was payment for some kind of services rendered, but still… it was nice of him.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

On Wednesday, we had some excerpts from Lindsay Lohan’s epic crack-delusional Us Weekly interview. Now the new issue is out, and I just read the full interview with my mouth hanging open. This crackie!!!!! I cannot emphasize enough how ridiculous she is, how self-absorbed, how stupid, how delusional, how crazy, how crackie she is. She delivers crack lie after crack lie, crack obfuscation after crack obfuscation, crack denial after crack denial, all with a breezy crack attitude. The Cracken is living in her own little world where she’s a major movie star who just had a spot of bother with the law, but the law was unfair because nothing is ever her fault, ever. MOVIE STAR! Here are some more highlights:

How she’s feeling: “I’m happy. I just did three movies in a row and I’m not even tired. I want to do the next one. It took a while to get back to that.”

On fighting with her mom and having a phone call recorded by her father: “That night will always be my one regret because it hurt my siblings and my mom. It’s unfortunate that I can’t call my dad when I fight with my mom. That’s fine. Whatever. I’ll call my brother. He’s not going to edit the conversation and put it out in public.”

Living her life in front of the camera: “Since I was a kid, I’ve loved being on camera. Don’t misconstrue that: I didn’t strive to have flashbulbs at dinner or people who don’t know me calling TMZ. And 99% of the time, it’s not true. I feel bullied. Even when I colored my hair, tabloids said I was going crazy. I wanted a different hair color! I can’t think of any actor who has been subjected to such extreme publicity who hasn’t, like, committed suicide.”

Being in a relationship with a woman: “I was bold enough to say, ‘Yeah, I like a girl. And?’ That put her in a situation where she was being attacked every day. That’s not fair. And what am I left with? Heartbreak. That was three years ago. It was my last serious relationship.”

On Samantha Ronson: “I need to love myself first before I could be with anyone else, and I was going through a lot. Two toxic people cannot be together. End of story. We’re friends now. That’s how it started so I think that’s how it was meant to be.”

When things went out of control: “I was a teenager and everything I did was on the news. I would have been in college then. I’m not defending it because I chose to be in the public eye. But it got exhausting. I still don’t think it was a bad thing that I was going out a lot. When I got in trouble, I owned up to it.”

Nothing is her fault: “Kids go through ups and downs, try cigarettes, drugs and drinking. It’s human nature. It took a while but it’s like, What was I thinking? Why did I allow so many sycophants and bad influences to be around me? I was lonely and I didn’t realize it. That’s why I came back home to New York. I never feel lonely there. I can see my family and I have really good people in my life.”

People selling her out: “It feels like sh-t. I’m so naïve. But I had to learn the hard way. Recently, I found out one of my close friends was giving a detailed account to a newspaper of what I was doing all the time. In the past, I would probably still be hanging out with that person. Now it’s like, No, I’ve been busting my ass and I’m happy and doing well, so get the hell out of my life.”

Her punishment (jail & community service) for probation violation: “I’m not going to go there because people might take my answer in different ways. But a punishment is a punishment and I take responsibility for my actions when I’m wrong. I was raised that way by my mom. I turned myself in. A lot of that decision had to do with the public because they’re not going to stop until they see me behind bars.”

How she’s doing with “her issues” now: “I’m great. Elizabeth was drunk on sets. I’ve never been drunk on set, ever. I did my time and I respect the law.”

After she says she wants to adopt a son, she’s told “girls are harder”: “Yeah, I don’t want to deal with a mini-me!”

Her Oscar: “I’m not focused on [love] yet. I want to do a ton of movies first. After I win an Oscar, I can start thinking about love. I said to my agents recently, ‘Just keep me on set because that’s where I’m happiest.’ When I get a movie, I appreciate it like I did before all this sh-t happened.”

Being trusted again: “I’m grateful. I think there are a lot of directors and producers who know I’m a good actress. I just want them to get past the misconception that I’m not reliable, because I am. I’m going to make them believe in me again.”

[From Us Weekly, print edition]

Can you even believe this? Casually mentioning suicide, chalking up the past six years of crack shenanigans to just being an experimental kid, blatantly lying about how professional she is, blatantly lying about taking responsibility for everything that happened while a moment later saying none of it was her fault…? Creating straw-man arguments for why she’s being “bullied,” acting like the legal system is out to get her, acting like a crack martyr. THIS BITCH. I can’t.

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet.

I’m just going to do the most basic and budget coverage of all of this Cracken Dramz, okay? It’s what she would want. Not really – she wants us to talk about her. She wants us to overanalyze and talk about how talented she is and how we’re all praying for her and everyone keeps being mean to her and that’s why she’s been in a slump. But let’s fight crack with crack, shall we? So, let the crackie coverage commence!

These are photos of Lindsay at last night’s Liz & Dick premiere in LA. LL wore this peek-a-boo-boob gown by Donna Dashini. It’s the wrong color for her (it washes her out) and she just looks so bloated and dirty. One of the untold stories of LL’s crackie-ness is that her makeup artists hate her. But LL walked the red carpet like she thought she was the second coming of Marilyn Monroe. Crackhead is delusional. Water is wet (also: vodka).

Here are some more crack stories floating around:

*Lindsay made her appearance on The Tonight Show last night, and she tried to explain to Jay Leno why she’s been doing interviews with every outlet except for 20/20. When asked about Barbara Walters, LL said: “And I love her. I’m a big fan of Barbara Walters. I met her when I was very young. So when it’s right, she knows she’ll be the first person I sit down with.” She also said that she plans to spend Thanksgiving in New York with her family: “I love to cook. My brother and I usually take over the stuffing and the potatoes. The yams… We do marshmallows on top.” So… when is she getting arrested? Hopefully the LAPD will arrest her before she skips town? Her hair looked much better during this interview:

*Here’s a red carpet interview with LL and some of her castmates – LL is treating the red carpet like she’s at the Oscars. She did some lines in between the Tonight Show and the red carpet.

Photos courtesy of FayesVision/WENN.com.