As I began to look through the photos from last night’s Golden Globes, these are the photos that caught my eye. For real. LL crashed the Weinstein post-Globes party – and the pre-party too, apparently. HuffPo reports that several days ago, The Weinstein Company hosted a Globes celebration at the Chateau Marmont, and Linnocent “snuck in through the hotel’s back entrance.” She made a beeline for the A-listers (including Michelle Williams and Jean Dujardin) and she took photos with them. A source told Fox News that LL is back to living at the Marmont too – “She came because she had a room at the Chateau.” If that wasn’t enough, Lindsay has caught the eye of another sketchball – Jeremy Piven:

Could Lindsay Lohan actually be getting career advice from Jeremy Piven? The troubled star and Piven — who played Hollywood agent Ari Gold on HBO’s “Entourage” — were spotted in deep conversation at the Chateau Marmont during Harvey Weinstein’s Golden Globes party Wednesday. A spy tells us that while Michelle Williams and Bradley Cooper mingled, Lohan, in a tight ponytail, was flirting and chatting with Piven. “He seemed interested,” said a source.

[From Page Six]

Who sounds more pathetic, the crackhead or the crackhead enabler? In any case, LL is due back in court for her monthly progress report tomorrow. Apparently, she’s in compliance, but just barely:

Lindsay Lohan goes before Judge Stephanie Sautner tomorrow for her second probation progress report and she will once again pass with flying colors … but this time it came down to the wire … sources tell TMZ.

As the judge dictated back in November, Lindsay was required to complete 12 morgue visits and 4 psychotherapy sessions by Tuesday’s court hearing. Sources close to Lindsay tell us she’s done just that … but she completed the last 2 morgue visits on Friday and Saturday.

According to our sources, Lindsay has been a model morgue employee. Translation — She gets the job done with no drama and she’s friendly with the staff.

After tomorrow’s hearing Lindsay will be at the halfway mark of her probation. She has another hearing February 15, where she’ll have to show proof she completed another 12 morgue visits and 4 therapy classes. And on March 29 — her final hearing — she must show she’s completed the remaining 17 morgue visits and 6 therapy classes.

Should Lindsay slip up at any point, she gets 270 days behind bars.

[From TMZ]

Can’t you feel the old crack itch coming back? As if the itch ever left! It’s always there, she can just contain for a month or so. And then it pops up and crashes a party and then shows up to a big industry party, looking like the raging crack urge it is.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Here are some shots from Lindsay Lohan’s ad campaign for Philipp Plein, the one that she shot in September in Italy, in between escort gigs. Allegedly, LL got paid $500,000 - for the ad campaign, and likely to “date” Philipp Plein for a week while he “promoted” her and his brand. I have to say – I saw some of the candids from this photo shoot, and my expectations were pretty low, but these aren’t terrible. They’re much better quality than I was expecting, except that there’s only so much Photoshop that you can use to de-crackify that face. Also – look at LL’s mouth in the shot where she’s wearing red. You can really see her jacked crack teeth. This campaign was shot before she got her teeth “fixed.”

Meanwhile, LL is embroiled in a new scandal. She got high for three years and forgot to file her taxes in 2009. Oh, Cracken.

Lindsay Lohan has a brand new $93,000 problem — because the federal government claims the actress never paid her 2009 income tax … and now Uncle Sam is finally out to collect.

According to official documents filed in Los Angeles, the Internal Revenue Service has obtained a lien against Lohan for $93,701.57 for failure to pay her federal income tax.

2009 wasn’t a very lucrative year for Lohan … she only released one crappy made-for-TV movie, coupled with a few minor TV appearances.

Now, if Lohan refuses to pay the debt … the government can go after anything that belongs to her … including homes, cars and bank accounts … assuming she has any of those things.

We called Lohan for comment — so far, no response.

[From TMZ]

She’ll pay. She’s got Philipp Plein and Playboy money burning a whole in her pocket, so she’s got the funds. The funds will dry up, though. Very quickly. The question I have, though, is about who exactly “forgot” to file her taxes? Because you know LL has never sat down and tried to do it herself – surely she has an accountant? Surely Mother Crackhead – Linnocent’s MANAGER – would be on top of stuff like “filing tax returns.” Right?

Photos courtesy of Philipp Plein.

In between photo shoots where she demanded to be styled like Marilyn Monroe, Lindsay Lohan stopped for a moment and decided that she would like to be styled like Elizabeth Taylor, circa Butterfield 8, for one photo shoot. The shoot was back in 2006, I believe, and it was for Interview Magazine - I’ve included a couple of the shots in this post. This was obviously back when LL had some semblance of a career, and back when her crack-face still looked relatively normal, and she hadn’t begun jacking her lips with everything she could find. Still, over the years, the Cracken definitely forced the Marilyn Monroe comparisons much harder, which makes this news even more ridiculous. Lindsay is in talks to play one of the most famous brunettes in the history of Hollywood – she in discussions to PLAY Elizabeth Taylor in a Lifetime movie based on Taylor and Richard Burton’s love story. BITCH PLEASE. And who will play Richard Burton? Wilmer Valderrama?

After emulating Marilyn Monroe in a series of photo shoots, most recently for Playboy, Lindsay Lohan may be taking on another screen legend, Elizabeth Taylor. I have learned that the 25-year-old actress is in early talks for the female lead in Lifetime’s original movie Elizabeth & Richard: A Love Story, chronicling the enduring love of movie icons Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton, whose fiery romance was the most notorious, publicized and celebrated love affair of its day.

The film, produced by Larry Thompson (Amish Grace) and written by Christopher Monger (Temple Grandin), was originally announced as part as Lifetime’s 2011-12 development slate. Lohan, a child actress who successfully transitioned into young adult roles with Freaky Friday and Mean Girls, has been largely sidelined from her acting career for the past couple of years by stints in rehab, jail, court rooms and recently, a morgue as part of her community service. Lohan’s most recent credits include the features Machete and Labor Pains and an arc on ABC’s Ugly Betty.

Lohan has been compared to Taylor. In addition to their physical resemblance, a 2004 Slate story lists a host of other similarities: “Both had domineering stage mothers, little semblance of a real childhood, fame from a young age, substance abuse issues, public emotional outpourings, and copious amounts of tabloid drama. The key difference, though, is that Elizabeth Taylor had a true record of achievement before she became the most notorious movie star in America.”

[From Deadline]

The key difference is that Elizabeth Taylor was never a mangy crackhead. Sure, Liz could drink like a fish and she had a problem with pills later in her life, right? But when Elizabeth was LL’s age, she was already the biggest movie star in the world, she was already a mother, she already had been married and divorced a few times, and she was just about to get with her first great love, Mike Todd. Meanwhile, LL… just posed for Playboy? Ugh. Please don’t do this, Lifetime. Please don’t destroy my soul. Please don’t piss on the memory of Dame Elizabeth Taylor.

Photos courtesy of WENN, Interview Mag.

Yesterday, TMZ reported that Lindsay Lohan had a shady “visitor” at her rented Venice Beach pad. The sketchball dude apparently knocked on LL’s door, and tried to talk to her, but she didn’t let him in. The cops were called and the visitor was arrested for trespassing. While I don’t doubt that there are some really shady people out there, and that celebrities should be extra careful and stuff, I’ve always felt like LL is probably the kind of crackhead who doesn’t pay her drug bills, and I often wonder if incidents like this are just incidences where her dealers are trying to get paid. Remember THIS STORY from Lohan’s alleged former bodyguard? In 2007, she brought her bodyguard along to slap the sh-t out of her dealer. She also said, “I can dress like a princess and still fight like a whore.” Because… why not?

Anyway, TMZ has a follow-up on the whole “shady visitor” story. LL now wants to ramp up her security. Because you never know when your dealer is going to come to collect:

Yesterday’s door-knocking incident was a huge wake up call for Lindsay Lohan — who’s now in the market to ramp up security at her L.A. home … with surveillance cameras … and even a new bodyguard.

Sources close to Lindsay tell TMZ, the actress loves her Venice Beach house … but with random scary people walking right up to her front door, she’s convinced it’s time to invest in some extra security upgrades for the property.

On top of adding additional security cameras — we’re told Lindsay wants to hire a full-time bodyguard to stay with her for a period of time … until she feels safe again.

As for the man arrested for trespassing outside her house on Sunday — Lonnie Short — we’re told he shares a bizarre connection with Lindsay’s alleged stalker David Cocordan.

According to sources, when Short knocked on Lindsay’s door yesterday, he announced he was friends with David and needed to explain some things.

Clearly, Lindsay wasn’t up for a chat — and minutes later, cops arrested Short for trespassing. He’s still in custody on $1,000 bail.

[From TMZ]

Look, if she wants a bodyguard, she should totally get one. I think it’s a waste of money, though – she has sketchier people in her entourage, you know? You could throw the craziest stalker-type at the Cracken, and the combination of Lindsay, Pootie and Dina would still be balls-out crazier. I think the real story here is that LL’s Playboy money is burning a hole in her pocket – it wouldn’t surprise me at all if she blows through her (rumored) $900,000 payday within a few months, just because she thinks she has “expenses” like a “full-time bodyguard,” etc.

Photos courtesy of Fame.

Over the past few years, Lindsay Lohan has been a part of some shady incidents where I really feel like LL is crack hustling to get one of her dealers arrested. Did that make any sense, or am I still kind of cracked-out from the holidays? Okay, example…like, a year ago, LL tweeted a photo of a guy she claimed was stalking and harassing her, and many people took her story at face value (that she was being harassed), but I always felt like the guy was probably a dealer looking to collect some money that the Cracken owed him. Anyway, there’s a new story, and my crack radar is up with this one too. A “strange, unidentified man” came to LL’s Venice Beach property and was trying to talk to her. So she had him arrested:

Cops were called to Lindsay Lohan’s Venice Beach pad earlier this evening — after a strange, unidentified man came a-knockin’ … and Lindsay freaked the hell out.

Law enforcement sources tell TMZ, the man — an older gentleman — arrived at her home around 6:30pm and began knocking on the front door.

We’re told Lindsay came to the door and asked what he wanted — and the man responded cryptically … that he needed to speak with her.

Unnerved, Lindsay asked the man to leave, but he refused, demanding she open the door. Police received a call minutes later about a trespasser on Lindsay’s property. It’s unclear if Lindsay made the call.

According to law enforcement sources, cops showed up soon after and arrested the man for trespassing. The man is currently being booked.

[From TMZ]

Of course, it’s not beyond the realm of possibility that this guy was just a sketchball who had latched on to the idea of talking to the Cracken. I can’t even say, “Oh, this kind of thing only happens to LL.” Because it doesn’t. Crazy people latch on to celebrities, however B or C-list, all the time. I’m only saying that there’s a decent possibility that the guy wasn’t a “stranger” but was trying to collect on some money that LL owed him. We’ll see.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Several days ago, Dina Lohan called TMZ and muttered something about Lindsay Lohan “refusing” to take any of the paying gigs she was offered for New Year’s Eve party celebrations. Nevermind that most hostessing gigs offered to Linnocent include a payment system of some crack and a bottle of vodka. LL’s reasoning for turning down several offers? She’s not a party girl anymore, and she thinks taking a paying gig will hurt her rep. My theory – at the time – was that LL had a lucrative offer for a “private party” in some rich john’s pants come New Year’s Eve. Anyway, some site is claiming that the Cracken will actually be on QEII, sailing around Dubai. Seriously?

It’s going to be a celeb-packed New Year in Dubai on board the legendary QE2. Lindsay Lohan, Pamela Anderson and former England cricketer Allan Lamb are just some of the names confirmed to attend the celebrations on December 31 2011 on the vessel that is currently docked at the Port Rashid Cruise Terminal in the city.

It is the first time that the QE2 has been opened to the public for such a celebration.

Apart from LiLo and Pamela, Liam Cunningham, US sitcom and film star Lamman Rucker, English model, socialite and aristocrat Lady Victoria Hervey are the other celebs on the guest list. Rumour has it that Kate Moss might attend, as also Roger Federer, Novak Djokovic and Rafael Nadal (who’re all in Abu Dhabi for the Mubadala World Championship from 29 to 31 December).

The vessel, Queen Elizabeth 2, often referred to simply as the QE2, is one of the most iconic ever built. Since her launch in 1969, several members of royal families, stars, musicians and celebrities from around the globe have featured on her passenger list.

[From Ahlan Live]

Yeah… I don’t think so. I’m pretty sure LL is not allowed to leave the country. That being said, the California court system is so disorganized and idiotic, I bet no one thought to take her passport away, so it’s conceivable that LL COULD leave the country. (Sidenote: they need to invent some kind of crack lojack for her.) That being said, I still think my scenario is more plausible. The Cracken will be in NYC, being paid to party at some private situation.

UPDATE: Crackie went to TMZ for the official crack denial:

Lindsay Lohan will ring in 2012 at a RAGING PARTY in Dubai — so says an overseas party planning company … but TMZ has learned Lohan claims it’s totally full of crap and now she’s threatening legal action.

Sources connected to Lohan tell us … the actress was PISSED when she learned her name is being used to promote a massive NYE bash on the Queen Elizabeth 2 cruise ship in Dubai … because it’s simply not true.

We’re told Lindsay’s legal team is pounding out a cease and desist letter — claiming she’s prepared to sue the pants off the party people if they continue to lie about Lohan’s NYE plans.

Lohan’s rep, Steve Honig, tells TMZ … “Lindsay is not going to Dubai, nor had she ever considered doing so. She will be spending New Year’s Eve in Los Angeles with a few close friends and family.”

[From TMZ]

So, yeah. I was right. She’ll be entertaining a “private client” in NYC.

In other Cracken news, In Touch Weekly has a great article about “hotel employees telling all” about celebrity guests. The part about LL caught my eye:

Lindsay Lohan loves throwing parties at the Four Seasons Beverly Hills – literally.

“She used to toss glasses off her balcony,” a hotel employee reveals of Lindsay, who was eventually sent packing. And when she got drunk at another favorite hangout, Chateau Marmont, she’d leave her car and hitch a ride back to the Four Seasons.

Too bad the Four Seasons’ valets had to pay for her irresponsible behavior – she’d demand they go fetch her ride!

[From In Touch Weekly, print edition]

I know In Touch is usually wrong, but doesn’t this sound exactly like Linnocent? Throwing glasses off the balcony, demanding people move orange cones and cars, in equal measure? Sounds about right.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

I really think that since Lindsay Lohan got paid nearly a million dollars by Playboy for her Photoshopped T&A and her dusty firecrotch, she thinks that she’s totally rolling in dough. Granted, if I had $900,000 sitting around after flashing my biscuits (not even, in LL’s case), I would be smug as hell too. But I would also save a large chunk of that money and live on it for YEARS. I could stretch that out for a decade or more. But you know that the Cracken is just going to blow through it in a matter of months, if she hasn’t already. Still, now that she got paid, she thinks she’s too special to take any gig that comes her way. She thinks that she can afford to sit around, smoking crack, and waiting for the big cons. She’s wrong. TMZ reports that LL is refusing New Year’s Eve “hostess” and “appearance” gigs. Because she doesn’t want the rep as a party girl. LMAO.

Lindsay Lohan is adamant … there’s no way in hell she’s gonna blow the progress she’s made with her judge just to count backwards from ten.

Sources close to the actress tell TMZ … she’s gotten a bunch of offers to host various ragers on NYE … but she’s turned down every last one.

We’re told Lindsay is desperately trying to change her party girl image … and she feels staying out of the NYE madness is a major step in the right direction.

Lohan’s decision is a costly one — some stars have raked in 6-figure checks for partying on New Year’s Eve. But we’re told Lindsay — who received high marks from her just earlier this month — doesn’t think a check would be worth it.

Lindsay plans to ring in 2012 with a few close friends at her home … although she may go out to dinner before the final countdown.

Should old acquaintance be forgot …

[From TMZ]

Coughcoughbullsh-tcough. You know what’s WAY more likely? Lindsay Lohan, international call girl, booked a “private gig” for New Year’s in New York City. My guess is something with her married and shady lover/john Vikram Chatwal? One thing’s for sure, she’s not hanging out in Long Island with her mother when the ball drops.

Also – I’ll say it again: the crack has destroyed her mind. She thinks we’re all so dumb and crackie, just like her. She thinks she’s fooling us. She thinks that we actually buy that she’s “changed” after finally working on her probation after YEARS of legal (crackie) shenanigans.

Photos courtesy of Fame & WENN.

Lindsay Lohan is currently in New York for the holidays. So, you know, watch out for her if you’re in the city and you don’t want to be crack-jacked by an insane, bloated hooker with a busted weave. She comes out of nowhere, and she will steal your soul. And your jewelry, and your wallet. You can see some new photos of LL here at the Mail – she was out celebrating Ali’s birthday and Michael Junior’s birthday in the Meatpacking District. She was also “shooing away anyone who tried to take pictures.” Probably because she was mainlining vodka:

Lindsay Lohan has headed home to New York for the holidays. The legally challenged actress partied at Meatpacking District restaurant Beaumarchais on Wednesday night, celebrating the December birthdays of brother Michael Jr., 25, and sister Aliana, 18. Lohan was spotted “dancing up a storm in a big hat,” and up to her routine of shooing away anyone who tried to take pictures. Lohan seemed in better spirits than during September’s Fashion Week, when she threw drinks at photographers Jasper Rischen and Todd Eberle, believing they were snapping her. Lohan’s rep huffed, “I think Page Six should let Lindsay celebrate her sister’s birthday and not bother her any more.”

[From Page Six]

“I think Page Six should let Lindsay celebrate her sister’s birthday and not bother her any more.” Poor Steve Honig. Does he even believe that? Does he understand who his client is, and how badly she wants all of the attention, for ever and ever?

Anyway, just consider this your Christmas open post for all things Cracken. What will 2012 bring Linnocent? Another arrest? Real jail time? Another stint in rehab? Another international call girl tour? Or just lots and lots of crack?

Photos courtesy of Pacific Coast News.

I know it’s cool to hate on Hugh Hefner these days. I know we’re supposed to hate him because he’s old and out of touch and really, all of the stuff with the girlfriends and that sleazy fiancé, that was all very gross. But I can’t hate the man – I was recently watching a documentary about him, and he really is a cultural iconoclast who was relevant for decades, who pushed important issues and who, I believe, was on the right side of history on racial issues, freedom of speech, feminism issues and issues of women’s choice and birth control. Is he out of touch right now? Sure. But he’s 85 years old, and he still manages to be coherent and cognizant enough to make a decent enough point.

So Hef gave another interview to discuss Lindsay Lohan’s Playboy cover. Initial reports suggested that the LL cover wasn’t selling, but Hef claimed over the weekend that it was “breaking records”. Now he’s trying to justify why LL was chosen and how he had to lay down the law:

Hugh Hefner believes Lindsay Lohan’s Marilyn Monroe-themed Playboy pictorial will be a keepsake – but the media mogul admits he initially had doubts about featuring the embattled actress on its cover.

“The concept came from my editors,” Hefner, 85, told PEOPLE during a recent interview at the Playboy Mansion in L.A.

“I had mixed emotions to begin with,” he said. “I could not have anticipated, quite frankly, that it would turn out to be such a sensational newsworthy event, or that the pictorial would turn out so well.”

Oddly enough, the two have never crossed paths – even at the photo shoot. Even so, Hefner, who says Lohan, 25, is “carrying around some serious luggage,” hopes the Playboy opportunity is a step in the right direction.

“Historically, Playboy pictorials are connected to celebrities at various times in their career,” Hefner says. “Sometimes it’s the beginning of their career and sometimes it comes at a particular moment – as with Lindsay – that is intended as a turnaround.”

Using Drew Barrymore as an example of someone whose career skyrocketed after landing the magazine’s cover during a career low, Hefner says his wish is that “this is a born-again beginning for Lindsay. I think there’s a rooting interest for her.”

Part of the success of the shoot probably stems Hef’s direction that Lohan posed fully naked.

During negotiations, “Some of the people around her said, ‘No, no, no, I don’t want her nude,’ ” he says. “And I said, ‘No, this is how it’s going to be. This is how it is.’ “

[From People]

It still mystifies me that LL pretended to have qualms about posing nude. The girl used to flash her vadge like crazy, and she dropped trou for other photoshoots too. And she’s basically a call girl. So what’s the big deal? Was it just her way of demanding more money? Probably.

As for the pictorial being the “turn-around” moment in LL’s career – fat chance. I guess it’s nice that Hef thinks LL still has the capability for “turning it around” though. He’s a nice old codger.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Sigh… so much for my belief in crack justice, and my faith in the intelligence of consumers. A few days ago, Fox News had a hilarious story about Lindsay Lohan’s Playboy cover, and how the issue (the December/January issue) wasn’t selling very well. The article, which I covered yesterday, seemed to be based on anecdotal information from Fox News affiliates waiting by newsstands, seeing if anyone was buying the Cracken issue. Shortly after I printed my coverage, TMZ reported that LL’s issue was “selling out all across the country” and that “newsstands in major cities like New York and Los Angeles have had to re-order the issue multiple times… Playboy is even getting re-orders from cities that usually never order more issues. Our sources say Lindsay’s appearance in the mag has also had an effect online as well … where the mag has seen a huge increase in subscription sales to their online service, iPlayboy.com.” Many people (correctly) assumed that this report was likely the crack delusions of Dina Lohan, who will shill anything for anyone if you give her a cell phone and a bottle of tequila. But now Hugh Hefner is backing up TMZ’s report, sort of:

Lindsay Lohan’s nude photo spread for Playboy is helping the men’s magazine break sales records, according to Playboy founder Hugh Hefner. CNN calls to a dozen newsstands in Los Angeles, Chicago, New York and Atlanta Sunday found just one that is sold out of the issue, and that store expected more to arrive Monday.

Lohan, 25, was reportedly paid close to $1 million to pose for the photos taken in a style reminiscent of the nude photograph of Marilyn Monroe that graced the debut issue of Playboy in 1953.

Unlike Lohan, Monroe was reportedly paid just $50 for the 1949 photo shoot that produced the image that was bought by Hefner after she became a star.

“The Lindsay Lohan January-February Double Issue is breaking sales records,” Hefner said in a message posted on his Twitter account Sunday.

A Playboy spokesman would not give sales numbers, but the official did say it was selling “very well.”

The Playboy gig was a rare moneymaking opportunity for Lohan, whose acting career has been hampered in the past two years by frequent trips to court, probation restrictions, extended drug rehab stints and several visits to jail.

Her legal woes stem from two drunken-driving convictions in 2007, a necklace theft conviction in 2011 and several probation violations.

[From CNN]

So, it was only sold out in one city, and that TMZ story probably was overblown, probably with some help from Dina. But Hef claims the issue is not a huge embarrassment for the Playboy brand, and I believe him. Which means that there are enough people out there who wanted a hard copy of LL’s Photoshopped T&A… which is just pathetic. I’m losing faith in humanity.

Photos courtesy of Fame, WENN, Playboy.