This video might be my new favorite Linnocent thing, replacing those “SCREEEEEE!” Kraken photos from the other day. I remember hearing something about this a week ago – Linnocent “acted” in a short “art film” for artist Richard Phillips. Because at this point, Linnocent just says “yes” to every offer she gets. Hey, Linnocent, do you want to do some blow? YES. Linnocent, will you appear in this cheesy art film? YES. Linnocent, will you accept responsibility for being a crackheaded trainwreck? NOOOOO!!

Anyway, this is called a “psychological portrait,” inspired – I kid you not – by Jean-Luc Godard’s “Contempt” and Ingmar Bergman’s “Persona.” The artist, Richard Phillips, said in a statement, “Lindsay has an incredible emotional and physical presence on screen that holds an existential vulnerability, while harnessing the power of the transcendental – the moment in transition…She is able to connect with us past all of our memory and projection, expressing our own inner eminence.” Translation: that beej was AMAZING.

Ew. Look at her crack lips. ZOMG, CLOSE YOUR MOUTH.

By the way, I think the photos I selected are WAY more artistic.

Thanks to Yeeeah for the lead!

Photos courtesy of WENN & Fame.

Lindsay Lohan has apparently returned from her cracked-out jaunt to Miami, and she’s now back in LA. She was in Miami to “do a photo shoot” – which consisted of not even one full day of work. She spent the rest of her, like, five day trip just hanging out, infected the ocean with her scabies and “drinking water”. Anyhoodle, she’s back in LA, and instead of pulling some community service hours at the ol’ women’s center, Linnocent turned herself into the Sheriff’s Dept and has begun her house arrest:

Lindsay Lohan is officially confined to her townhouse … TMZ has learned the actress surrendered to authorities this morning and has begun to serve her house arrest sentence.

Lohan arrived to the Lynwood Jail at 5:02 AM this morning to check in — where she was fitted with an electronic ankle bracelet. She was quickly sent home to her pad in Venice, CA and we’re told she’ll spend roughly 35 days in confinement.

According to the booking sheet, 24-year-old Lohan was listed at 5’7″ and 117 lbs.

The sentence stems from Lohan’s legal troubles involving a necklace she allegedly stole from a Venice jeweler. Lohan pled no contest in the case.

In addition to the house arrest, Lohan was also ordered to complete 480 hours of community service – which includes a stint at the L.A. County morgue.

[From TMZ]

“Confinement”? She still gets to hang out and have visitors and watch TV, right? And I bet that monitoring anklet only keeps track of WHERE she is, not what drugs she’s doing and what she’s drinking (“water”). You know how much I would love that kind of house arrest? I practically HAVE that kind of house arrest, only I call it “working from home.” And my house is no Venice Beach townhouse. Still, this whole house arrest thing sounds like a really awesome vacation.

But still, I have my doubts as to whether Linnocent can actually pull off 35 days of this. Any bets as to when the police will have to track her crack lojack to the Marmont?

Photos courtesy of Fame.

Here are even more photos of Linnocent chilling out in Miami. These pics are from her cracked-out beach time – she was photographed rising out of the Atlantic, like a crackheaded, methed-out Aphrodite rising from the surf. Actually, she looks more like a Cracken if we’re making Greek mythological allusions. Here’s my favorite photo:

“SCREEEEEEEEE!!”

Anyhoodle, Linnocent is allegedly in Miami because she was doing a photo shoot for Plum Magazine, but at this point, I think she’s just hanging out in Miami on the magazine’s dime. According to Page Six, the photo shoot only took place on Saturday, and Linnocent spent Friday, half of Saturday, and Sunday in various Miami clubs and bars – Fontainebleau’s LIV and Arkadia nightclubs. They even say that Linnocent was so cracked out, she rushed into the DJ booth and started “deejaying”. I’m sure she was drinking “water” the whole time. By the way, whatever happened to all of her community service hours that she was so eager and happy to fulfill? Guess all of those women in need will have to fend for themselves!

In other Linnocent news, did you hear about these Stephen King rumors? He gave an interview where he discussed the possibility of a remake of Carrie, the King book which was brilliantly adapted by Brian De Palma into a film starring Sissy Spacek. King said that he wouldn’t really be opposed to casting Linnocent as Carrie in a possible remake, especially if David Lynch or David Cronenberg got their hands on it. When Linnocent heard this, her crack hustle went into full effect. She ran to TMZ and had them run a story based on “sources” saying that she would be “stoked” to work on the project and it “would be epic.” AND she also wants a part in The Dark Tower. Oh, Stephen King! What crackheadednesss hath he wrought? Sidenote: Does Linnocent think she’s so friggin’ important and desirable as a professional that she couldn’t comment DIRECTLY about Stephen King? She’s so used to calling up TMZ and feeding them quotes and stories using “sources” as her byline that she’s forgotten how to react to a rumor directly.

By the way, in this photo you can see Linnocent handling some prescription meds. Of course.

Photos courtesy of Fame.

Here are even more photos of Linnocent doing her cracked-out model thing in Miami over the weekend. We had some hideous shots of her yesterday, and these are somewhat better quality. Linnocent was lounging by the pool with what “appears” to be “water”. But is probably vodka. She’s also smoking too – she’s been photographed with cigs several times the past few weeks, which is funny only in the context of one of Linnocent’s crack-delusional leaks to TMZ a few months ago where Linnocent’s “friends” all claimed she had quit smoking. Speaking of her delusional leaks to the press, Page Six had this item this morning:

Lindsay Lohan left little to the imagination during a Miami magazine shoot. The troubled starlet shot the cover of July’s Plum magazine at the Raleigh Hotel Saturday afternoon, in which she donned a dangerously low-cut flowing dress.

Lohan and Plum CEO Jerry Powers had dinner with Lohan’s mom, Dina, and her sister, Ali, at the Forge Restaurant and Wine Bar in Miami on Friday night before the shoot, where the actress was polite to everyone, avoided alcohol and only drank water, spies said.

[From Page Six]

Yes, I’m sure she “avoided” all of the alcohol, everywhere, forever. By the way, if you’d like to read an interesting piece on how the Family Lohan plays the media for profit, the NYT had an interesting report over the weekend. It’s amazing how much they profit from leaking information about themselves, from arranging “candid” photo shoots and from cracked-out interviews. That being said, it’s kind of a “duh” piece. As in, anybody who pays attention to celebrities and media coverage figures out who’s selling what and how.

Two more things – one, Linnocent flashed her boob to the paparazzi. It’s a pretty gross-looking boob too. Also, The Daily Mail is bashing Linnocent for her “pot belly”. I hate to defend Linnocent about ANYTHING, but she doesn’t have a pot belly. She has some coke bloat and she looks like hell, but for the love of God, don’t criticize her about her weight.

Photos courtesy of Fame.

These are some new photos of Linnocent in MIAMI. Can you believe the crackhead was allowed to fly to Miami? She was, because California’s legal system is a joke. So… Linnocent got a “job”. No, not acting. And not hooking either. These are pap photos of Linnocent doing a photo shoot in Miami for Plum Miami Magazine, a publication I’m not familiar with. Remember when Linnocent got magazine covers like Vanity Fair and Elle Magazine? Yeah. And now she’ll just take off her clothes for any publication. Even though the pics aren’t the best quality, I can tell that Linnocent looks like strung out ass too. You can see more photos of the shoot here, at Radar.

Lindsay Lohan certainly isn’t shy about flashing a little skin!

The troubled actress left little to the imagination on Saturday as she stripped off in the moist Miami heat for a photo shoot for Plum Miami Magazine.

Lindsay, 24, showed off her assets as she posed wearing a trendy nude colored swimsuit.
The Mean Girls star jetted there from Los Angeles Friday morning for what’s expected to be her last trip before she is scheduled to surrender to authorities. She is to serve a two-week incarceration after pleading no contest to a theft charge.

The Miami Beach shoot is to accompany an in-depth interview for the magazine’s July issue.

Earlier Saturday, Lohan was spotted smoking on the balcony of her penthouse hotel room and enjoying the sunshine.

[From Radar]

Other Linnocent news: she announced on a radio show that she is currently boycotting Glee: “I don’t watch Glee. They have made a load of snarky remarks about me. I don’t know why.” Maybe they make fun of her because she’s a humorless, crackheaded sociopath CHILD?!? What’s weird is that I TOTALLY believe that Linnocent has literally NO IDEA why someone would mock her or make fun of her. In her own delusional mind, she’s incredibly awesome.

Photos courtesy of Fame.

I know this information is going to SHOCK you to your very core. Despite swearing up and down while she was coked out of her skull that she would NEVER EVER be anything less than 100% sober ever again, Linnocent has found herself in another drunken, cracked-out controversy. I’ll wait for you pick your jaw up off the floor. According to multiple sources, Linnocent was all kinds of hammered late Sunday night (Monday morning) at a club. SHOCK. You can see photos of her partying with Marilyn Manson here, and you can see Radar’s exclusive photo of her here. Here’s what went down:

Troubled starlet Lindsay Lohan allegedly grabbed the wrist of a woman who tried to take a picture of her about 2 a.m. Sunday in a Hollywood nightclub, RadarOnline.com has learned. Then, someone in Lohan’s entourage reportedly grabbed the Nikon point-and-shoot camera from the hands of the fan and dumped it into a bucket of ice used to chill booze bottles.

The camera’s damaged, but RadarOnline has the exclusive photo that sparked the ruckus.

“We didn’t press charges because we thought it was funny at first,” said an eyewitness who asked not to be identified. He and three friends, including the owner of the camera, sat for an hour at a table next to Lohan’s. “We all were drunk. But then we figured out when we got home that the camera was broken because water seeped in. The memory card, though, was still good.”

The incident occurred at the new Paul & Andre Hollywood nightclub. In the photo Lohan, 24, who last week escaped serious time behind bars after pleading no contest to a theft, can be seen sitting on the back of the couch while her friends are partying. According to the source, so was Lohan!

“Lindsay appeared to be ‘belligerently drunk,’” the source said. “She and her people were doing shots of something all night. She looked like she was falling all over the place. She was being stupid.

“When she grabbed my friend’s wrist, another woman who was with Lindsay grabbed the camera. She kept saying ‘I need that camera’ over and over again. So the woman got it and sunk it into the ice buket.”

The spywitness said there was no other incident.

“We were sorta leaving and we didn’t want to cause any more trouble,” he said.

Lohan could be flirting with disaster. On May 11, an exasperated judge in Los Angeles sentenced her to three years probation and psychological counseling. Another probation violation could land the star of Mean Girls in jail for months.

Said Lohan’s new publicist, Steve Honig: “I don’t have any knowledge of this alleged incident whatsoever.”

[From Radar]

Yeah, let’s not pretend that this incident could mean anything significant to Linnocent. What’s going to happen? There will be another annotation on her probation report with yet another story about how she’s drunk all of the time? All this news means is that we get to laugh in her crackface whenever she tries to pull the “I’ve changed, I’m so Linnocent, I’ll never do anything again!” line. She never learns because she never has to – all she knows is that she’ll never have to face any consequences for anything.

Curiously, Page Six had a slightly different take on the situation. They had a source who claimed that Linnocent “crashed” this party, and that she was sober when she arrived and crack-hustled her way into the gig, which included a performance by The Kills. Linnocent’s rep said: “She did not crash, she is friends with Jamie Hince from the Kills. She came to visit him and went home.” But DeLeon CEO Brent Hocking confirmed, “Lindsay was not invited . . . I advised Chateau management she wasn’t invited and that it wasn’t a good idea for her to be there, given her history.” So… Linnocent crack hustled her way into the party, then proceeded to get wasted and belligerent. Ugh.

Vintage Lohan, courtesy of WENN.

Linnocent is no stranger to “leaking”. That sounded dirtier (and grosser) than I meant. What I meant was that Linnocent sits around, doing lines and downing shots, and she gets bored, so she decides to manufacture some drama by “leaking” some BS story about herself. At this point, TMZ is pretty much the only media outlet buying Linnocent’s crack musings on demand. Even Radar and the New York tabloids (the Daily News, the Post) aim higher for their sourcing. My point? This latest Linnocent story at TMZ is especially hilarious when you consider that its origin was probably Linnocent and her enablers, coked out of their skulls:

Lindsay Lohan plans to stay on the straight and narrow for the REST OF HER LIFE — telling friends, she’s serious this time … no drugs, no booze, no breaking the law … ever again … PERIOD.

Sources close to Lindsay tell TMZ, the actress had an epiphany after her sentencing — and is completely at peace with the judge’s decision … community service, fines, counseling, shoplifters alternative class … the whole package.

Technically, Lindsay is REQUIRED to stay sober during her formal probation — which ends after she completes her 480 hours of community service — but we’re told, it doesn’t matter … Lindsay’s committed to sobriety for the long haul.

One thing … Lindsay does take issue with the three-year probation itself — telling friends she doesn’t think she deserves it — but que sera sera … she has learned to accept her fate.

Bottom line — her friends are adamant … Lindsay has learned her lesson once and for all.

[From TMZ]

We’ve heard this kind of crap before, and Linnocent still ends up drunk, high and braless. Remember her probation report? The dumbass was drinking WHILE she was in rehab. And after. And God knows what else – I guess they were only testing for alcohol, not crack.

I guess I shouldn’t call her a dumbass though. She has a kind of genius for crack shenanigans, and hey, she continues to get away with EVERYTHING. Of course she “learned her lesson.” The “lesson” being that “Linnocent can do whatever the hell she wants and never face any real consequences.” Lesson #2: “Manufacture crack drama whenever possible under the guise of ‘life lessons’.”

Photos courtesy of Pacific Coast News.

It’s been a hectic week for Linnocent, what with her cracked-out sentencing (three years of probation, ha!) and her partying at the Marmont, the release of tequila-and-antibiotic-soaked probation report, and all of those braless, selfless hours that she’s been mandated to work at the Women’s Center. Then, yesterday, there was this suspicious little item on Radar:

Lindsay Lohan has hired a new publicist in an attempt to rehab her image. The troubled starlet has hired Hollywood publicist Steve Honig of The Honig Company, whose clients include Fiore Films, the production company that is producing Lohan’s upcoming role in the mob bio-pic Gotti: Three Generations.

Honig will handle all of LiLo’s public relations and publicity. Lindsay hasn’t had a full-time publicist since she parted ways with Leslie Sloane several years ago.

Lindsay formally pled no contest Wednesday to a misdemeanor grand theft charge, and she’s eager to put the past behind her and move on.

In a statement to RadarOnline.com, the Mean Girls star says: “I am glad to be able to put this past me and move on with my life and my career. I support the judge’s decision and hold myself accountable for being in this situation. I have already started my community service at the Downtown Women’s Center and thank everyone there for their warm welcome. I hope to be able to fulfill my obligation without any press attention. I think the media spotlight should be on issues such as homelessness and domestic violence instead of on me.”

Lindsay has an uphill battle to stay out of trouble given her past history. Lindsay will be on probation for three years in connection with the grand theft.

[From Radar]

Hiring a new publicist? How is she affording this again? Oh, right. She’s a hooker. Meanwhile, there’s some confusion as to whether Linnocent has been fired from Gotti: Three Generations, because she no longer appears on the cast on IMDB. The Gotti producer – the same one who sounded like Linnocent is giving him beejs on the regular – tells The Wrap that Linnocent is still attached to the film, but IMDB hasn’t been updated. Ten bucks says she never ends up doing it. All of those beejs for naught!

Photos courtesy of Fame.

As we found out yesterday, Linnocent wins again. For some reason, this crackhead never faces any real consequences for her cracked-out actions. Yesterday, the judge sentenced her to house arrest for an as-yet-undetermined time, plus Klepto Classes, plus three years probation for the crack thievery. Linnocent didn’t even bother showing up, as she had been partying at the Marmont the night before (doing shooters, blow), and then turning up for her community service at the Women’s Center. These photos are of Linnocent’s daily cracked-out, braless fashion show yesterday. By the way, the judge bitched about how Linnocent keeps getting pap’d while she’s working too. She wouldn’t be pap’d all the time if she didn’t call the photographers to let them know where she is! Jeez. After her crack hearing, Linnocent released this statement:

“I am glad to be able to put this past me and move on with my life and my career. I support the judge’s decision and hold myself accountable for being in this situation. I have already started my community service at the Downtown Women’s Center and thank everyone there for their warm welcome. I hope to be able to fulfill my obligation without any press attention. I think the media spotlight should be on issues such as homelessness and domestic violence instead of on me.”

Yeah, she believes the spotlight should be on the issues, that’s why she saunters in braless and releases statements to the press. Cracked-out sociopath.

Anyway, during Linnocent’s crack hearing, the L.A. County Probation Department released their detailed, extensive probation report on Linnocent. I imagine it weighs as much as an encyclopedia set (“Linnocent, February 2011, 496 pages”). The Probation Dept thinks that Lindsay is an addict, obviously, while the judge made a big deal about how Linnocent is just a cracked-out, entitled dumbass and THAT is why she makes bad life choices, not because she’s an addict. Here’s what Linnocent is taking, legal-drug-wise, right now: Trazadone (for depression), Nexium (for heartburn), Yaz (birth control), Zoloft (anti-depressant), Doxycycline (antibiotic), Zyrtec (allergies) and Zythromax (antibiotic).

Of course, Linnocent also self-medicates with alcohol and crack:

Lindsay Lohan drank alcohol the night she scuffled with a Betty Ford employee and failed a random alcohol test after she left rehab, according to a probation report.

The report, released Wednesday after her no-contest plea to misdemeanor theft of a $2,500 necklace, also states that Lohan “has been suspected of similar conduct in other jewelry stores,” but no charges were ever filed.

The probation report says Lohan indeed drank alcohol after sneaking out from the Betty Ford Center in December, citing local police interviews with restaurant and nightclub employees. Charges that she battered a rehab employee that night were dropped for lack of evidence.

And Lohan, 24, tested positive for alcohol in February, one week after her assistant surrendered the allegedly stolen necklace to the LAPD.

“The probation officer believes that substance abuse is the root of the defendant’s problems,” the report says, although L.A. Superior Court Judge Stephanie Sautner disagreed with that assessment on Wednesday.

Instead, Lohan was ordered to psychological counseling instead of more rehab, in addition to a four-month jail term and community service. For now, Lohan will not be randomly tested for drug and alcohol use.

She is expected to be allowed to serve her jail term in home detention because she’s a nonviolent offender and is eligible for early release for good behavior as well as budget constraints.

[From People]

Oh, and the report also says that Linnocent was drinking on a regular basis at the Betty Ford Clinic, according to multiple sources who witnessed her consuming alcohol.

And yet, still no consequences. Still no constant alcohol and drug monitoring. Maybe this is the state of California’s way of saying “Yeah, we kind of hope she ends up killing someone, preferably herself, while drunk driving.”

Photos courtesy of Fame & WENN.

Well, you bitches have been clamoring for an open post about Linnocent cracked-out hearing today, so here you go. TMZ is still claiming that Linnocent could just end up with house arrest, and that it won’t be anything like the 120 days she was sentenced to initially. But, of course, TMZ’s sources seem to be Mother Crackhead and a bottle of gin, because Radar has another assessment on Linnocent’s sentence:

Is Lindsay Lohan receiving special treatment from the justice system? Nope, not according to the Los Angeles City Attorney. Carmen Trutanich, the L.A. City Attorney head honcho, told RadarOnline.com exclusively that the Mean Girls star, 24, is being treated like any other criminal in the system.

“Ms. Lohan isn’t being cut any special deals,” he said. “When our office got the case last week, it went through the ordinary channels, and the case was assigned to a regular deputy from our office. Everyone gets the same justice in our office, period.”

Judge Stephanie Sautner is expected to decide that Lindsay can serve her 120-day jail sentence at home wearing an ankle monitor.

Trutanich explained that his responsibility has been covered. “Our office has done our job. We will cooperate with the Sheriff’s Department in whatever needs to occur regarding Ms. Lohan.”

Lohan is eligible to wear the ankle monitor because she is considered a low risk offender, and the Los Angeles County jails are notoriously overcrowded.

It’s expected that Lindsay will only have to serve about 14-16 days because women sentenced to similar sentences serve about 25% of the actual time.

The City Attorney has praise for Judge Stephanie Sautner’s decision to reduce the felony grand theft charge to a misdemeanor, “I think Judge Sautner knew what she was doing. Judge Sautner evaluated the evidence and made a thoughtful and informed decision.”

Lohan isn’t expected to be in court Wednesday when her powerhouse attorney, Shawn Holley, formally enters the no-contest plea at the LAX Airport Courthouse at around 10:00 am, PST.

[From Radar]

I still want to know if the house arrest/ankle monitor scenario will include a true SCRAM anklet so that Linnocent’s vodka and crack intake can be monitored. We’ll see. Meanwhile, I fully expect the cracked-out celebrations to continue! She was even at the Marmont last night (doing crack). I’ll be updating as soon as more information comes in.

UPDATE: Linnocent’s lawyer, Shawn Chapman Holley, entered a plea on behalf of her client. The plea was “no contest” to misdemeanor theft, and the judge did not increase the current sentence – Linnocent has to do the 480 hours of community service, and she has until June 17th (I think?) to turn herself into the Sheriff’s Department for her “jail sentence”. The judge is allowing Linnocent to serve those “120 days” under house arrest, with an electronic monitoring anklet, and TMZ claims that the 120 day sentence could end up being 2 weeks under house arrest. For that time, Linnocent can’t leave her home, not to party and not to do her community service. In addition to all of that, Linnocent won’t have to do any more substance abuse counseling, but the judge is making Linnocent do a “complete psychological counseling and a shoplifters alternative class.”

PS… I wonder where Linnocent was this morning? Hungover after partying at the Marmont?

Photos courtesy of Pacific Coast News.