I call this photo, “The Crackhead in the Mirror”. In case your couldn’t tell, this is Lindsay Lohan out and about in LA, braless and wearing some f-cked up backless sweatshirt. Classy. Anyway, exactly ten days ago, Lindsay Lohan’s bail was revoked and a new bench warrant with a new $200,000 bail was set. Lindsay made bail within hours, but the drama continued about exactly what went down. Not-so-allegedly, Lindsay Lohan had a drink or two while out partying after the MTV Movie Awards. Maybe her SCRAM bracelet let off some kind alarm, maybe not. But when the prosecution and the judge met the next day to go over the data that the SCRAM had accumulated, they determined that Lindsay had been consuming alcohol, in violation of her probation. Now, according to Lindsay’s lawyer, Lindsay took a urine test “shortly after the alert” and it came back “negative” for alcohol. What the hell?

Lindsay Lohan didn’t have alcohol in her system when her SCRAM bracelet went off earlier this month at an MTV Awards afterparty, according to her attorney Shawn Chapman Holley.

A urine test taken shortly after the alert showed a negative result for alcohol, said Holley.

An L.A. district attorney spokeswoman wasn’t aware of the negative test result. The DA’s office previously said the alert was “an alcohol-related violation.” It remains unclear what triggered the device. Holley also denied that Lohan tampered with the bracelet.

Lohan, 23, remains free on $200,000 bail – a new amount which the judge set in her case on June 8 after the SCRAM alert. Lohan remains subject to weekly random drug testing and must abstain from alcohol.

The actress still faces a probation violation hearing on July 6. She could get up to six months in jail if a judge determines that she hasn’t fully complied with her probation terms.

E! Online was first to report on the negative alcohol test.

[From People]

So here’s my question – how long after Lindsay’s consumption of several vodka tonics did she take the urine test? Because her lawyer isn’t being specific about that at all, and I’m getting the feeling they did the test the day after – like, probably 12 hours or so after she drank. So what’s the point? Just more cracked-out lies and justifications for why she’s just a victimized milkaholic? Or is Lindsay actually telling the truth? Was she just drinking fermented tea (Kombucha) or whatever?

UPDATE: Radar is now reporting that their sources confirm Lindsay’s “alcohol level ranged from .03 to .04 from midnight to 3 a.m on June 6, during the hours after the MTV awards.” According to a source close to the situation: “There was absolutely no doubt that Lindsay was drinking, and the report that the alcohol monitoring service provided to Judge Revel was very detailed and extremely reliable.” Also, the dumb bitch allegedly tampered with her SCRAM: “The (SCRAM) report also says that Lohan’s SCRAM bracelet had indeed been tampered with, and this is one of the reasons that Judge Revel determined that Lindsay violated terns of her bail.”

Lindsay on June 17, 2010. Credit: Fame.

Yesterday we heard straight from Dina Lohan that she was turned away at a Carvel ice cream outlet for attempting to get a free birthday cake for her son by using a lifetime free ice cream card in her daughter Ali’s name. Dina claimed that she had her own card, but had left it at home, and she became outraged when a clerk confiscated the card and called the police. She hilariously added that her family was “treated so much worse than regular people,” and sneered “wait until Lindsay and Ali hear about this.”

Carvel has responded to this incident, and their statement is very matter of fact and basically takes Dina to task. They say that they only gave cards to Ali and Lindsay, and that the cards state that the holder must be present to get free ice cream. What’s more is that the cards clearly say that no more than $25 in free ice cream can be obtained in a week. Carvel ice cream cakes run about $30 and up. Plus, Carvel points out that Dina is the one who called the cops to get her card back, and they didn’t just “show up” like she claimed.

As part of Carvel’s 75th Anniversary celebration last year, we issued 75 Black Cards to celebrities. These cards were issued in the celebrity’s name and require the card holder to be present at the time of use. Many celebrities have enjoyed their cards at our Carvel Ice Cream shoppes and have shared their excitement with being included in the celebration.

Unfortunately, the Lohan family has been abusing the card. While the card was issued in Lindsay and Ali’s names only, their extended family has repeatedly used the card without either present. At first, we graciously honored their requests while explaining that the Black Card was not a carte blanche for unlimited Carvel Ice Cream for the extended Lohan family and friends. After more than six months of numerous and large orders for ice cream, we finally had to cut off the card and take it back.

Dina Lohan reacted badly and called the police to have her card returned. The police responded and did return the card to Dina with instructions not to use it again.

This is an unfortunate situation where certain people feel entitled to use a celebrity’s name for their own purposes. We regret that the Lohan family is upset and hope this matter is put behind us quickly.

[From Carvel Ice Cream's blog via D-Listed]

This family’s sense of entitlement knows no bounds. The good thing is that the swag fest is just about over for the Lohans. Remember when Dina was selling her family’s old designer goods on LohanHouse.com? That website is still up with some scant good news from the Lohan family, but there are no longer any clothing, purses or shoes available. Dina just doesn’t get free stuff sent to her anymore, and I would doubt anyone is stupid enough to lend her anything. Her daughter is accused of pilfering tens of thousands of designer goods from various friends and photo shoots. It’s obvious where she learned it from.

Photo credit: Patricia Schlein/WENN.com

Would you like to know how trashy Lindsay Lohan is? She gave a new exclusive interview to Star Magazine. It’s that bad. Usually, the family Lohan seems to prefer Radar for their exclusive statements, but every now and then they’ll luck out and get a quote in Us Weekly or People. But this isn’t even just a statement – it’s an actual interview. Guess what our sober crackhead is talking about? How she’s never had anything to drink, ever, and all of these “lies” are destroying her career. Oh, you dumb milkaholic.

In her first interview since being forced to wear a SCRAM bracelet, and less than two weeks after the booze monitor detected her consumption of a “small amount of alcohol,” Lindsay Lohan speaks out to Star exclusively about leaving her addiction behind and getting her career back on track.

“Enough is enough,” the frustrated starlet says in our June 28 issue. “People should just leave me alone and let me live.”

The hard-partying star particularly wants to refute any notion that she’s fallen off the wagon since Star broke the news that the SCRAM went off in the early hours of June 7 while she was partying at Katy Perry’s post-MTV Movie Awards bash.

“I haven’t touched any alcohol or anything of the sort,” she insists. Adding: “The lies that get created [are] damaging to my career.”

Although Lindsay, who is working to get financial backing for her make-or-break role in Inferno playing porn star Linda Lovelace, is adamant that she’s been playing it straight since she was fitted with the bracelet on May 24, she’s certainly put herself in the way of temptation by hitting the Hollywood party scene hard.

“It’s a constant struggle for her to stay sober, one that she faces every day,” an insider reveals in the article.

For the full story and complete interview with Lindsay — as well as others close to her who are in the know — pick up the June 28 issue of Star today.

[From Star Magazine]

Yes, perhaps some of us would be willing to give Lindsay the benefit of the doubt – after all, it’s not like we’ve never heard of something having a technical malfunction, and I’d be willing to bet those SCRAM bracelets aren’t 100% accurate. Except no one is in the mood for it anymore. After years of Lindsay’s cracked out lies, where she’s always the poor, innocent victim in an unjust world full of conspirators, crack heads and haters who make it their life’s mission to destroy her, many of us are over it. Many us great each new story, each new interview, each new shenanigan with a simple, “Let’s see what this f-cking lying crackhead is up to today.”

Ultimate stage mom Dina Lohan was at a Carvel ice cream outlet to pick up a cake for her son’s birthday when the cops were called and a police helicopter (allegedly) began circling overhead. For those of you not from the Tristate area, Carvel is an awesome chain known for its delicious ice cream and fabulous ice cream cakes, most notably Fudgie The Whale. (My mom grew up on Long Island and we always get Carvel when we visit. Even the fat free ice cream is so tasty.) It all went down like this: Dina tried to get the cake for free by proffering a black “free ice cream for life” card that was in her daughter Ali’s name. The clerk confiscated it and called the cops when Dina couldn’t produce ID to show that she was Ali Lohan. In retelling this story, Dina conveniently forgets to recount the enormous fit you know she threw when she was told she would either have to pay for the cake or leave without it.

The best part of this story is when Dina whines that life is so unfair for her family.

Lindsay Lohan’s mom was out and about in East Meadow, New York, on Wednesday when she stopped by a Carvel Ice Cream store, to buy a cake for her youngest son Cody’s 14th birthday celebrations.

But that’s when things went like a banana split, Dina said.

While at the counter, the high-profile mom said she produced a special Carvel promotional ‘Black’ card — akin to a Black American Express Card in the ice-cream stakes.

It’s then the store employee went ballistic, according to Dina, who dished the scoop to RadarOnline.com.

“The shop assistant said, ‘Do you have I.D.?’” Dina said.

“Next minute he he grabbed my arm and took my card and held it hostage and wouldn’t give me the cake!

“This guy was crazy!”

The Carvel ‘Black’ card is the ultimate status symbol of ice-cream.

Dina explained she and all the Lohans have ‘Black’ cards, gifting them free ice cream for 75 years.

However, her mistake was: she picked up 16-year-old daughter Ali’s card.

“I didn’t think it be a problem,” Dina said.

“I couldn’t believe this guy… it’s a family card, it just didn’t have my name on it.

“Next minute, four cop cars showed up, there’s a police helicopter over head and this guy makes it seem to the cops that I’m trying to use a stolen credit card — and for what? Over a free ice cream?!”

A humiliated Dina said she explained the situation to the cops.

But when the men in black asked the Carvel employee to return Dina’s card, he wouldn’t budge.

“He wouldn’t give it back… not even to the cops!” Dina joked.

“Finally he gave up and gave me my card back. But he told me, ‘You can have the card, but you can’t have the cake!’

“It just shows how we get treated so much worse than regular people.”

It would seem that the big loser in the fiasco was the birthday boy, who was denied his favorite ice cream cake.

Now Dina is going to make Carvel pay.

“Just wait until Lindsay and Ali hear about this,” she said.

“When Ali gets back, I’m going to bring her in everyday to this store — and you can print that!”

[From Radar Online]

So the Lohans “get treated so much worse than regular people.” Dina is so narcissistic, she’s forgetting the fact that her entire family gets free ice cream for life. I hope that Carvel revokes their black card privileges once Dina shows up there a few days in a row to pester the guy for not giving her a free cake. Just like all the clubs and events denying Lindsay entrance, Carvel will ultimately get more publicity for turning away the Lohans rather than continuing to feed their delusions of grandeur.

Dina Lohan is shown out visiting a lawyer with Lindsay on 05/04/10. Credit: Fame Pictures

I know I’m looking at Gerard Butler too closely. I’m pretending that my eyes are my hands, vadge and tongue. So of course I noticed that Gerard’s out-of-work moobs are back. I’m seeing them through his loose t-shirt. Whenever Gerard has just finished a film and he’s got a spare month to just hang out, the moobs come out. I think he just spends whatever downtime he has eating fried Snickers bars dipped in butter and not working out. Which is fine. No judgment, honestly. I live like that most of the time anyway! But I do find the moobs slightly funny, especially since this now-infamous incident when Gerry was letting it all hang out in Barbados.

I really like his hair in these photos. I know, I know. Gerard veers into the “Jersey mobster” look, and the longish, slicked-back hair adds to that general vibe. But I still want to lick him. I have absolutely horrible taste in men, I realize. I need therapy. Especially considering the Centers for Disease Control are on high alert since Gerard and Lindsay Lohan met up at a party and maybe hooked up. Ugh. Why can’t I quit him?

Gerard on June 15, 2010. Credit: Fame Pictures.

Last Friday, we heard that Lindsay Lohan’s assistant/minder Elinore quit abruptly. My thought was that Lindsay must be even more of a f-cking diva mess when she’s relatively sober, and that the assistant must have had a much easier time handling Lindsay’s self-perpetuating drama when she’s f-cked up. The reasons TMZ provided at the time were that poor Elinore was exhausted, and that she’d had enough of Lindsay’s demands – oh, and Lindsay wasn’t paying her that much either. In the cold, sober, light of day, it turns out that someone working barely above minimum wage was the thin line between Lindsay’s cracked-out shenanigans and total chaos. TMZ reports that Lindsay is at the beginning of “a total unravel.” Um… you mean she was “raveled” before?

The woman who just quit Lindsay Lohan was not just an assistant — she was her lifeline — and LiLo’s friends are worried this is the beginning of a total unravel.

Friends of Lohan tell us Lindsay is going to have a hard time finding anyone reliable to sign on, and without an assistant she will never keep the appointments that could make the difference between freedom and jail.

For starters, Lindsay is legally prohibited from driving and relies on her assistant to take her here and there — including her alcohol ed courses.

We’re also told Lindsay is incredibly disorganized and can’t function without someone leading her by the nose. She seems incapable of scheduling meetings, doctor’s appointments, or work projects.

Bottom line … for us an assistant is a luxury. For Lindsay it’s make or break.

[From TMZ]

Yes, I can believe it. Even somewhat sober (debatable), Lindsay mind is crack’d. That’s the only way I can think of to describe it – she just seems like she can barely function in general. Maybe it’s just because I couldn’t imagine living like that, in perpetual drama, always f-cked up, drugged up, drunk, hysterical, crazed, narcissistic, and convinced of her own blamelessness. Oh… and now that Lindsay doesn’t have someone to drive her everywhere and put her into bed, do you think she’ll get behind the wheel again? Something tells me she will.

By the way, I mentioned yesterday that Lindsay and Gerard Butler were at the same pool party. Well, they made physical contact with each other – there are photos of the two of them embracing. Look at the photos here and tell me you didn’t just hear a million Centers for Disease Control hotline phones ringing.

Header: Lindsay on June 6, 2010. Credit: WENN.

I don’t want to believe it. According to Radar, Lindsay Lohan was partying in Hollywood last night (that I believe) and Gerard Butler was there…! I don’t see any photos of him out and about, though. She and Ali went to a “private pool party” which, considering both Lindsay and Gerard were invited, I’m inclined to think was probably an orgy. This is not the first time she and Gerard have been in general vicinity of each other – last fall they had a rumored hookup in Morocco, although Gerard denied it vehemently. So, was Lindsay a Scottish-slut-seeking-missile? Probably, although no one is saying what exactly happened. Which, again, makes me think it was an orgy.

Lindsay Lohan spent Saturday afternoon at a party in the Hollywood Hills , RadarOnline.com can report.

The SCRAM-wearing actor/model took her sister Ali, 16, with her to the bash where Gerald Butler was also spotted.

Lindsay’s beverage of choice at the event, sources say, was Monster energy drink. Her SCRAM, presumably, didn’t make a sound.

Later Lohan Tweeted about all the attention she’s getting from the media. It is giving her “severe anxiety,” she wrote.

That’s nothing compared to what Judge Marsha Revel is going to give her next month if she rules Lindsay violated the terms of her DUI probation.

[From Radar]

Oh, yes. Lindsay crack tweeted again. Here’s what she wrote last night:

[From Lindsay’s Twitter feed]

Oh, poor, poor crackhead. She has severe anxiety, you see! Might I suggest something to Lindsay, if she’s truly anxious at the sight of all of those paparazzi? Try staying home for a night. Try not being a f-cking mess in public. Your anxiety will go down, and so will mine. And while I’m handing out advice like crack, let me give you another morsel: step off Gerard Butler. For real.

Also – on Saturday, Lindsay staged some photos of her dressed like a cracked-out boxer. We don’t have the photos, but Dlisted does - they are pretty funny.

Like rats from a sinking ship. TMZ reports that Lindsay Lohan’s assistant Elinore quit Lindsay’s cracked-out ass on Wednesday, citing Lindsay’s demanding personality as the cause. Can you imagine? I don’t even know how long Elinore has been working for Lindsay, but if it’s been at the very least two or three months, then that’s a lot of shenanigans to “assist”. And to get through it all to the point where Lindsay is relatively sober most of the time, and choose that moment to quit? Lindsay must be funnier and/or easier to handle when she’s wasted. She must be a total f-cking pill when she’s sober.

Lindsay Lohan needs all the assistance she can get … no, really … her assistant just quit.

Sources tell TMZ Lindsay’s right-hand woman, Elinore, quit Wednesday. Elinore only lasted a few months and we’re told she was “exhausted” and “had enough of Lindsay’s demands.”

We’re also told Elinore never had any time to herself and Lindsay would often force her to stay with her for days on end … and then blame her when things went wrong.

Just one last warning for anyone interested in the gig — we’re told the job didn’t pay much either.

[From TMZ]

Yes, I believe every word of that. Lindsay is sitting there were her pipe screaming at Elinore “Why are you making me smoke this?!?! Don’t you know I’m just a child?!?” Elinore was probably the one who “spilled a drink” on Lindsay’s SCRAM. And by that I mean, Elinore told Lindsay not to drink, and Lindsay freaked out on her and ordered a double vodka to deal with the stress of having Elinore as an assistant.

Also, here’s a funny story – you know how Lindsay Lohan was crack tweeting like a madwoman during the whole second arrest warrant/alcohol spilled on her SCRAM incident? Go here to enjoy some cracked out memories, because Lindsay deleted all of it from her Twitter account. And we all know that when Lindsay deletes her tweets, it’s like it never happened, right? She can be as psycho, drunk, cracked-out and lie-filled as she wants and then when she sobers up, she’s like, “Oh my God, who wrote this?!?”

By the way, it’s not just my imagination, right? Lindsay is gaining weight rather dramatically. And Ali looks like she’s lived for a hard forty years.

Lindsay and Ali on June 10, 2010. Credit: Fame.

Since Tuesday’s night big scandal, where the judge found Lindsay Lohan in violation of the terms of her probationary bail, revoked said bail and issued a new bench warrant with a new bail set at $200,000, Lindsay has been protesting her innocence. This is nothing new, really. Her defense (and her mother’s defense of her) has always been that she’s a totally innocent milkaholic child who never does anything wrong, and all of these horrible people are continuously conspiring against her. Once, I explored the possibility that Lindsay could be telling the truth about some of her more recent crackhead shenanigans (the “stolen” passport, the film that she was going to do in Texas), but I came to the conclusion that Lindsay was, is and likely always will be a crackhead liar.

But Lindsay has really upped the ante with her lies this time. Immediately after she got bailed out on the new bench warrant, Lindsay began crack tweeting her nonsense about how she’s not in violation of anything, she didn’t drink anything, and everyone is wrong except for her, poor innocent Lindsay. She even gave an “exclusive” statement to Gossip Cop, who quoted her as saying: “It’s just so untrue and unfair. I haven’t touched any alcohol or anything of the sort.” Lindsay also told Radar: “I’m well, working to get proof that I did not tamper with the bracelet or drink… these accusations are completely false.”

And what does Dina think about this? “She was at the MTV Awards and somebody spilled a drink on her leg, which must have set off the SCRAM bracelet. She has done absolutely nothing wrong and shouldn’t have to wear the bracelet in the first place. She is doing absolutely fine.” HAHAHAHA! “Shouldn’t have to wear the bracelet in the first place.” Because she’s JUST FINE, right Dina. The crackhead didn’t fall far from the pipe tree.

What else is going on, let’s see…Lindsay might go on Celebrity Apprentice. If she’s not in jail. She attended another alcohol education class yesterday. Oh, and when the judge issued the new bench warrant, Lindsay was freckling by the pool, being photographed exclusively by Radar. Oh, and she’s “getting proof” she didn’t drink. Blah.

Oh, for goodness sake! It turns out we were totally wrong to give Lindsay the benefit of the doubt. The dumb bitch was drinking on Sunday night, and her SCRAM bracelet recorded everything. The judge and the prosecutor were in a meeting this afternoon, and they decided that by violating the terms of her bail, she forfeited that $100,000, and the judge issued a new bench warrant and a new $200,000 bail charge. TMZ reports that the same bail bondsman just posted her new bond.

Maybe the next step for Lindsay Lohan will be to actually stay away from the open-bar party scene. Two days after Lohan’s SCRAM ankle bracelet suspiciously lit up Sunday while she was at an MTV Movie Awards afterparty, a judge determined that the actress was indeed in violation of her bail and issued a new bench warrant for her arrest.

Beverly Hills Superior Court Judge Marsha Revel also hiked Lohan’s bail to $200,000, where it was previously $100,000 keeping her a free woman for the time being.

“At this time, the court finds she was in violation of the conditions of her bail,” Revel said after she, prosecutor Danette Meyers, and Lohan’s attorney, Shawn Chapman Holley, emerged from a private meeting in chambers.

Both attorneys said that they’re still waiting on the full report about what the alleged violation entailed. A SCRAM checks for alcohol consumption every 30 minutes by testing the wearer’s perspiration. And apparently the accessory is smart enough to know if the wearer is drinking or was just splashed by someone else’s drink.

“We could see [evidence of spilled alcohol in a report]; however, we can easily tell the difference,” SCRAM spokeswoman Kathleen Brown tells E! News. “A spill or something else in the environment would create a rapid spike much faster than the body would ever consume alcohol and would evaporate and burn off much faster than the body can metabolize alcohol.

“Our confirmation process includes an evaluation that ensures there is no chance that an alcohol alert is anything but consumed alcohol.”

Though Lohan herself didn’t appear in court today, a few media helicopters actually cared enough to hover above the proceedings, and several news trucks and a scrum of photographers were stationed outside the courthouse.

Lohan found herself in hot water after wandering eyes at the MTV party noticed a red light flashing in the general vicinity of her ankle. Despite myriad protestations via Twitter that she wasn’t drinking, the judge hauled her (well, her lawyer, anyway) into court after getting the initial report that something was amiss.

“It’s from the light-up bracelet Johnny [a pal at the party] put on me—also, they can check probation records for alcohol as i got tested YESTERDAY,” she wrote less than an hour before the 3 p.m. hearing.

The 23-year-old has remained a constant fixture on the party circuit despite being fitted for the SCRAM upon her return from the Cannes Film Festival last month.

She’s due in court July 6, when the judge will determine whether she violated her probation by skipping a court date when she was in France after having supposedly misplaced her passport.

[From E! News]

After the news broke that her SCRAM bracelet went off on 1 a.m. Monday morning, Lindsay spent most of Tuesday tweeting away her excuses and crackhead reasons why we’re all liars and horrible people. Her new tweets, after the new bench warrant, read: “poeple just won’t leave me be though and accept i’m happy and well… i did not violate anything .. At all.” Dumb jackass.