Do you remember back in June 2012 when Lindsay Lohan crashed her Porsche on the Pacific Coast Highway and a million cracked-out stories filtered through the tabloid media? I remember specifically a story about Lindsay getting out of her totaled Porsche (getting out of the driver’s side) and taking a moment to throw away all of the containers of alcohol in the car. True, that story was largely unverified (I believe only one witness said it happened), but doesn’t it FEEL right? Doesn’t it feel like Lindsay is constantly behind the wheel while under the influence of alcohol and drugs? So… I don’t really get why this TMZ story is all breathless with the breaking news that Lindsay reeked of alcohol after the crash. But there are some interesting details about a plea bargain:

Lindsay Lohan may have been drinking just before she crashed her Porsche last June on Pacific Coast Highway … TMZ has learned. Nevertheless, prosecutors are offering her a brand new plea deal that does NOT involve jail.

Law enforcement sources tell TMZ … a bottle of alcohol was found next to Lindsay’s Porsche, and we’re told her breath smelled of alcohol. For some reason, cops did not perform a field sobriety test at the scene of the crash.

Sources tell us … the Santa Monica City Attorney is prepared to offer Lindsay 60 days in a residential rehab facility in her lying-to-cops case — where she said she wasn’t driving the Porsche. That’s 4 months less than the original offer.

In addition, we’re told the City Attorney wants Lindsay to attend another set of AA meetings. And he wants her to do community service. We’re told the prosecutor will let her do the community service in New York City, but — unlike Chris Brown — it must be closely monitored.

The wild card is that the L.A. City Attorney is also involved in the case because they’re handling the jewelry heist case where Lindsay is still on probation. Up to now, we’re told the L.A. City Attorney wanted jail time for the probation violation, but the prosecutor may back off that position.

The plea bargain meeting between prosecutors and Lindsay’s lawyer, Mark Heller is today … so stay tuned.

[From TMZ]

For the love of God. Why does the California legal system bend over backwards (or just bend over) for the Cracken? Why has Lindsay’s legal strategy – of firing a quality attorney, and rejecting reasonable plea deals – paid off? Why is she being rewarded for being a cracked-out drunk driver, a crack thief, a dumbass who endangers innocent lives EVERY SINGLE DAY?

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet.

This is going to shock you to your very core! Prepare yourselves – Lindsay Lohan has just been hit with yet another tax lien! I KNOW. I cannot believe it. Not our upstanding crackhead, she would never! From what I remember, Lindsay’s tax situation was and is a mess in 2009 and 2010, and those are the back-tax liens she’s been dealing with so far. But now TMZ says that Lindsay’s tax situation was also pretty crackie in 2011. Shock!

If blowing off taxes was hockey … Lindsay Lohan would’ve scored herself a hat trick … ’cause the actress has just been hit with a tax bill for 2011 … the 3rd straight year she stiffed the government.

This time, it’s the State of California that’s trying to collect … claiming LiLo owes $56,717.90 for unpaid income tax for 2011.

In case you’re keeping score … the IRS was all over Lindsay’s ass for unpaid federal taxes for 2009 ($93,701.57) and 2010 ($140,203.30).

Lohan was able to clear her 2009 debt thanks to a $100k check from her old pal Charlie Sheen … but it seems like she’s on her own for 2010 and 2011.

We reached out to Lohan’s camp for comment — so far, no word back.

[From TMZ]

2011 was also the year she got paid for her Playboy pictorial too, right? Those photos were published in the January 2012 issue – meaning she got paid in the tax year of 2011. And Playboy has been her biggest paycheck in years too – reportedly, she got less than a million dollars, but it was something in the neighborhood of $900K. What do you want to bet that she’s also got unpaid federal taxes for 2011 as well? And 2012? Well… my taxes are still unpaid for 2012 too, so maybe I have something in common with crackie.

As for how Lindsay will ever crawl out of debt, the only person giving her any kind of chance these days is Charlie Sheen. Ol’ Charlie has hired Lindsay to guest star on his dumb FX show Anger Management:

Charlie Sheen helped Lindsay Lohan pay off her IRS debt with a $100,000 check. Now the troubled actress will appear on his FX comedy series Anger Management. In her first TV gig since her universally panned starring turn in the Lifetime movie Liz & Dick, Lohan has signed on to guest star as herself in an upcoming episode of Anger Management slated to air in April.

In the episode, Lohan develops a romantic relationship with Sheen’s character after becoming his therapy patient. The casting reunites the two actors, who also co-star together in the upcoming Scary Movie 5 (photo on right) and appears to be a publicity stunt for the film, which also debuts in April. Currently in production on a 90-episode back order, Anger Management, produced by Lionsgate TV and distributed by Debmar-Mercury, airs Thursdays at 9:30 PM.

[From Deadline]

Ugh. I really do wonder about their relationship… is Charlie just taking an interest in a hot mess because she reminds him of himself? Or is Charlie’s interest in Lohan… dirtier? Grosser? I don’t even know.

Also – TMZ has a weird story about how Lindsay’s new lawyer Mark Heller is screwing up her case royally. You can read that story here.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

About 999 crack shenanigans ago, Lindsay Lohan sued the rapper Pitbull. Do you remember that? Go here for the 2011 recap. In Pitbull’s song “Give Me Everything,” he raps the line “Hustlers move aside, so I’m tiptoein’, to keep flowin’/I got it locked up like Lindsay Lohan.” Which I still don’t even think is bad PR or defamatory or anything. Lindsay sued Pitbull, probably thinking that Pitbull would just throw some money at her to make her go away (which is what E*Trade did when faced with a similar situation). Instead, Pitbull wouldn’t play LL’s game – he playfully invited Lindsay to his date to the VMAs, and he chose to fight her in court. Well, there’s been some movement!

Pitbull didn’t just win his legal war with Lindsay Lohan … he ANNIHILATED HER … TMZ has learned.

We broke the story … Lohan sued the rapper in 2011 for using her name in his hit song “Give Me Everything” … when he dropped the line, “I got it locked up like Lindsay Lohan.”

Lohan claimed Pitbull never got permission to use her name … and therefore he had no right to profit off of it.

But today a New York federal judge sided with Pitbull … ruling that Lindsay is dead wrong on the law — because the song is a work of art protected by the 1st amendment and Lindsay’s barely even mentioned.

The judge also ruled that Lindsay’s allegations that she suffered emotional distress were also BS.

The case has been dismissed.

[From TMZ]

Hahahahahahahahahahaha.

*deep breath*

HAHAHAHAHA. OMG. I love this news. I’m not a crazy Pitbull fan or anything, but I was on his side in this and I’m glad that the legal system backed him up. I’m also assuming that Pitbull didn’t even have to pay for Lindsay’s legal fees, which means that her cracked-out attempt to sue her way into financial stability has left her even more broke than before.

Would you like another sad/funny story about poor, crackie Lindsay? According to the Enquirer, she gets all drunk and high and then she starts calling up all of her “celebrity friends,” begging them for money:

DEEPLY troubled LINDSAY LOHAN’ been drunk-dialing her exes – and just about anyone else who’ll talk to her – in a desperate search for cash and a job, say insiders.

The 26-year-old Hollywood train wreck “needs some heavy hitters to hook her up,” a close source told The ENQUIRER.

“Her legal bills alone could buy a small country, and no one is safe. Wilmer Valderrama, Samantha Ronson, Stavros Niarchos and Jared Leto have all been targeted by Lindsay. She’s also calling in favors from Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian, Nicole Richie and others.

“Problem is, she smells of desperation and almost everyone is running.”

Incredibly, so many former friends have blocked Lindsay’s rambling calls that she frequently has to change her cell phone number to get through. Luckily, she does have a few lifelines left, including Charlie Sheen.

As The ENQUIRER recently reported, her old pal Ashton Kutcher is also giving support. And three international “sugar daddies” are reportedly paying some of the “Mean Girls” star’s expenses.

But the booze-addled actress is still badly strapped.

“She’s not thinking straight and even reaching out to people she swore she’d never talk to again,” said the source. “She leaves long rambling messages that are rarely returned. It’s all very sad.”

[From The Enquirer]

So, Ashton is giving her some money and Charlie “Captain Save A Ho” is still on the hook, plus Domingo Zapata, Vikram Chatawal, and at least one Middle Eastern prince. And still that’s not enough. I hate to put it in these terms, but I have to ask: is Lindsay really bad at hooking? I mean, she’s got several very wealthy men “on the hook” but she still can’t get it together enough to make at least one of these guys pay off her debts and support her lifestyle? Am I thinking about it in the wrong terms? Is her priority “not being owned by any one man”? Because I think she should just go ahead and become a kept woman. It will mean less crack shenanigans.

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet and WENN.

Remember this Theia gown Lindsay Lohan wore to the amfAR gala a few weeks ago? It looked like Roberto Cavalli and it was long and sparkly and it made Lindsay Lohan feel like a crack princess for one night only. Well, this gown has quite a torrid history already. Last week, Us Weekly claimed that Charlie Sheen (Captain Save-A-Ho) offered to go halfsies on the dress because he knows how much Lindsay Lohan loves to get dressed up in the finest clothes and prance around like she’s still the center of the universe. Apparently, Charlie called Phillip Bloch (stylist to the stars) and offered to pay for half of the dress for his good friend, the Cracken. I thought that was the end of it. But no. Us Weekly claims that Lindsay did NOT purchase the dress, she only borrowed it. And when she returned it, not only did the dress smell like vodka, crack smoke and crack drama, Lindsay had cut the dress in HALF.

Shear madness? Lindsay Lohan wore a gorgeous, beaded, floor-sweeping gown by Theia to an amFAR event on Feb. 6 in NYC, but by the time she returned it, the dress was half its original length.

“She said that the dress had ripped [at a club after the fundraiser] — she couldn’t possibly wear it like that — so her stylist friend went to the club bouncer and requested some scissors to repair the torn part of the dress,” a source tells Us Weekly. “But what bouncer has scissors?”

“She turned it into a mullet! Only a fashiony person would do that! ” the source continues. “She’s out of control and behaving really badly.”

The dress in question is actually the same one that fellow troubled star Charlie Sheen finagled for the 26-year-old actress. As revealed by Us Weekly, Sheen generously hooked up his Scary Movie 5 costar with the dress after personally putting in a call to celebrity stylist Phillip Bloch to outfit her for the glamorous AmFAR affair.

He even said he’d “go halfsies” with the actress to pay for the gown, an offer she did not accept: Lohan ended up borrowing the dress.

Last year, the actor offered to lend Lohan $100,000 to help cover her tax debt. The actress was said to have refused the money.

[From Us Weekly]

I don’t understand that one quote – “She turned it into a mullet! Only a fashiony person would do that.” WTF? No, a “fashiony person” would not chop off half of an expensive beaded gown just because there was a rip. You know who does that? A crackhead who doesn’t give a crap about anyone or anything. Sounds like Charlie is going to have to buy that dress after all. Either that or the stylist is going to end up suing Lindsay (and then she’ll countersue, and then she’ll hit him in a car, and then she’ll give someone a beej, and then she’ll go to court, then we’ll forget what we were talking about, rinse and repeat).

Photos courtesy of Us Weekly, WENN, Fame/Flynet.

I keep telling you that Dina Lohan LOVES having Lindsay in New York/Long Island these days. In my mind, Lindsay’s crackiness and Dina’s tequila-ness feed each other until they’re gorging on each other’s delusions, building each other higher and drunker and higher until the craziest things sound like perfectly good ideas. I also believe that Dina is pretty much acting as Lindsay’s “pimp” these days, and by that I mean “her manager, complete with a 20% percentage because Lindsay is dumb enough to give her mother 20%.” So what have Dina and Lindsay cooked up this week? Besides meth!

Cash-strapped Lindsay Lohan is seeking a staggering half million dollars for a energy drink promotional appearance in Dubai, but her latest legal woes could derail the planned trip, RadarOnline.com is exclusively reporting.

“Lindsay wants $500k for an appearance in Dubai to promote Mr. Pink’s Ginseng Energy Drink, which executives at the company are balking at. Mr. Pink is prepared to offer the actress $200k, and would pay for all of LiLo’s travel expenses,” a source told RadarOnline.com exclusively.

“However, the trip might not happen at all because of Lindsay’s criminal past and current pending criminal charges. Dubai has very strict laws about convicted criminals entering the country, and Lindsay is still on probation for a necklace theft case. Lindsay is very upset about her financial woes and doesn’t trust her new lawyer, Mark Heller, to handle the Dubai travel problem,” the insider added.

As RadarOnline.com previously reported, the troubled starlet, 26, was forced to move from Los Angeles, back to New York, because she could no longer afford to pay the $8k monthly rent on her house.

“Lindsay is being forced to live at home with Dina because she can’t afford any other options at the moment,” an insider previously revealed. “Lindsay is flat-out broke and can’t even afford to rent a two-bedroom apartment in North Hollywood.”

Living at home with Mama Lohan was cramping Lindsay’s hard partying lifestyle, and she has since been staying at a friend’s apartment in New York City. Adding to Lindsay’s dire financial straits – Chase Bank’s intent to foreclose on the $1.3 million Long Island mansion that Dina owns.

Dina’s financial problems have been well-chronicled throughout the years, as the show biz parent, who’s reportedly more than $1 million in the red, was previously on the brink of foreclosure both last year and in 2005. The mother and daughter clashed last fall over a $40,000 loan LiLo gave Dina to dodge the bank repossessing the home.

The energy drink appearance, “simply must happen for Lindsay. She is absolutely desperate for the cash. The shocking this is that she will burn through that money just as quickly as she gets paid,” the insider said.

[From Radar]

Read between the lines. Not only does Lindsay truly and sincerely want $500,000 for an appearance on behalf of “Mr. Pink” – she also wants to fly first class and to have first class accommodations. And I wonder what Lindsay will do when she gets to Dubai? Find the first sheik, prince or oil baron and offer her patented $100K beej? Yes, it’s a perfect money-making scheme if you’re a crackhead with no marketable skills and a mother who will literally sell you to pay off her house.

Also: Page Six reported yesterday that Lindsay is still hanging out with that 22-year-old DJ Julian Cavin. I kind of feel bad for the poor little guy. He’s only 22! He’s going to have to live the rest of his life knowing that he willingly slept with the Cracken. Ha… and now Julian has told TMZ that they’re “just friends”. Poor kid.

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet and WENN.

Back in November, 2008, Samantha Ronson’s mother, Anne Dexter-Jones, attended a party in Dubai with her daughter and her daughter’s then-girlfriend, Lindsay Lohan. Lindsay’s outrageous behavior at the party was so disturbing to Anne that she told her daughter and Lindsay that she did not approve of their relationship and that Lindsay was not welcome in her home. Anne spoke on the record to the Daily Mail to promote her new jewelry line, and she didn’t mince words, calling Lindsay “psychotic,” “out of control” and “spoiling for a fight.”

Anne is the ex wife of Mick Jones, the guitar player of Foreigner. She has two children from that marriage, which was her second. Her first husband is a band manager named Laurence Ronson, with whom she had daughter Samatha, fashion designer Charlotte Ronson and music producer Mark Ronson. Here’s more of her quotes to the Daily Mail:

The lavish VIP after-party to mark the opening of Dubai’s latest luxury hotel, The Atlantis, was in full swing in the seven-room suite reserved for talk-show billionaire Oprah Winfrey.
As celebrity guests, including Kylie Minogue, actress Mischa Barton and designers Mary-Kate Olsen and Matthew Williamson, drank premium champagne and nibbled artfully created canapes, Ann Dexter-Jones watched in disbelief as actress Lindsay Lohan threw an extraordinary, childish tantrum.

It was the moment she knew that she had to intervene in her daughter Samantha Ronson’s romance with the troubled Hollywood star.

Lohan had been dating Samantha – Ann’s eldest daughter and a successful British DJ – who was playing at the 1,539-room resort’s grand opening celebration.

‘Suddenly, without any warning, Lindsay flung herself on to the thick carpet and started to roll around screaming like a child,’ said Ann, as she recalled the bizarre scene that so shocked her four years ago.

‘It seemed she was upset that people, including Samantha, were not paying her enough attention.

‘To my mind, it was classic psychotic behaviour. I took Lindsay aside and told her not to make a spectacle of herself. She was clearly out of control and spoiling for a fight.’

Even before the Dubai incident, Ann, the British-born former wife of guitarist Mick Jones from rock band Foreigner, was apprehensive about Samantha’s involvement with Lohan.

She said: ‘I know stuff, but I don’t want to go into it. I just knew that it was not a good place for my child to be, but sometimes a parent’s objection only makes it more exciting.

‘When I saw for myself just how volatile Lohan was, I realised that the relationship was not healthy.

‘The morning after her tantrum – and believe me, that was not the worst of it – I told them both that I could no longer support them as a couple, that I no longer approved of them being together and that Lindsay was no longer welcome in my home…’

‘I saw how much pain my daughter was in and that she was suffering deeply. She is a very Zen person and not used to the kind of turmoil that Lindsay seems to thrive on.

‘I was seriously anxious about Samantha’s safety and wellbeing. I feared a tragedy. It got to a point that I wasn’t sleeping very well.’

‘I didn’t want to interfere because I brought up my children to be strong and independent people from a very early age.

‘But after the incident in Dubai I knew it was time for me to take a stand and not act as an enabler. I’m a pretty blunt person and like to shoot from the hip, so to speak. So, I told them straight – to their faces. I said I didn’t want to create a social veneer; pretending everything was fine when it clearly wasn’t.

‘Naturally, Samantha did not take it very well, but as a parent I’ve never tried to win any popularity contest with my kids.’

Ann is the first to admit that in her day she was something of a wild child herself. ‘I was certainly no angel and, back in my time, I’d be rolling home from some nightclub or other just when the nanny was getting the kids ready for school.’

Even now, in her early 60s, she’s a feisty socialiser. She can still be found partying with the likes of P Diddy and Jay-Z, or hanging out with fashion designer Nicole Richie.

And after bringing up five children from two marriages, Ann is now making a name for herself as a jewellery designer. ‘It’s time to follow my own dreams,’ she said. ‘It is something I’ve wanted to do for a while, but only now have been able to find the time.’

[From The Daily Mail]

There is little to compare between this lady and Dina Lohan. Anne is telling her kids that she doesn’t approve of their choices, and she’s putting her foot down – she’s not enabling them. It does strike me that she’s calling Samantha a “child,” though, and treating her like one, similar to how Dina infantilizes Lindsay. Samantha was certainly acting like one by dating that fool of an addict, but Dina doesn’t ever call her kids out on their sh*t like this. At least Anne didn’t ignore it, and let her daughter know exactly how she felt about Lohan.

How embarrassing to be at a big party like that and have to endure your daughter’s date flailing like a toddler on the floor. That’s out of control even for Lohan. Would she dare do that when she’s working as a paid escort or does she realize that she needs to act like a “professional” when she’s getting paid for her company?

Header photo is from 2-10-12. Photos below from 2008 and 2009. Credit: WENN.com

Real question: Just when did Charlie Sheen become the literal Captain Save-A-Ho? That’s all he does these days – he just straight-up helps out hookers, call girls and Lindsay Lohan (cough). Last November, Charlie donated $100,000 to the crack charity known as Lindsay Lohan after the two had worked together on Scary Movie 5 and he found out that she owed the IRS hundreds of thousands of dollars. And you know what they say… give a crackhead an inch and she’ll crack-jack you for a mile. Us Weekly reports that Charlie went “halfies” on the Theia gown (not Cavalli, I got that wrong in the original post!) that Lohan wore to last week’s amfAR gala.

Charlie Sheen gives new meaning to the phrase “friends with benefits.” The actor, 47, has proven to be a very generous pal to his Scary Movie 5 co-star Lindsay Lohan.

On Wednesday, Feb. 6, mere hours before amfAR’s annual New York Gala to kick off Fashion Week, the former Two and a Half Men star put in a call to celebrity stylist Phillip Bloch to ask that he dress Lohan for the glitzy event. He even offered to “go halfsies” with the Liz & Dick actress to pay for the gown.

“Never in a business like this do you see a celebrity pay for another celebrity,” Bloch tells Us Weekly of Sheen, noting that the request came from the actor himself and not from an assistant. “He’s very considerate.”

Lohan, for her part, made good use of Bloch’s fashion expertise. Stunning in a nude-and-silver beaded fringe gown by Theia and a hooded fur by Mendel, the starlet joined celebs including Woody Allen, Karlie Kloss, John Legend and fiancee Chrissy Teigen, Chloe Sevigny, and Cee Lo Green in raising $2.3 million for AIDS research.

This is not the first time the Anger Management star has offered to lend a hand (and money) to the 26-year-old drama-prone actress. Last year, he volunteered to give Lohan $100,000 to help cover her tax debt, which reportedly amounted to more than $233,000. (The actress was said to have refused the money.)

“Charlie has a long history of helping out his friends in many ways, and this is just another example of that,” his rep told E! News at the time.

[From Us Weekly]

This is Lindsay’s whole problem in a nutshell. Instead of having a work ethic and paying her own way, she expects “benefactors” and “johns” to pay for her. Instead of staying home and keeping a low profile, she wants to go out and walk on any red carpet that will have her. Instead of truly making it about the charity event, Lindsay has to make it all about her, her drama, her clothes, her unfortunate crackie situation. Lindsay just wants to be seen. She doesn’t want to BE. She would rather look like a famous actress than actually BE a famous actress. She is the embodiment of Cracked-Out Superficiality and Vapidity, proud and tall. And crackie.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Some of you missed yesterday’s Lindsay Lohan story because of all of the BAFTA and Grammy coverage – go here to review. Basically, Lindsay wants you to think that she’s not really living in Long Island with her mom at her mom’s soon-to-be-foreclosed-upon crack den. Lindsay wants you to believe that a “friend” has let her stay in his penthouse rent-free. Because of course. Radar actually had a story yesterday about how Lindsay is managing to barely stay afloat – it’s because she has three wealthy “sugar daddies”: “billionaire playboy Prince Haji Abdul Azim, hotelier Vikram Chatwal and Spanish-American artist Domingo Zapata.” Prince Haji is reportedly “under Lindsay’s spell” and Chatwal is said to be “completely smitten” with her. And Zapata lets her stay at his suites at the Bowery Hotel and Marmont.

But! While Lindsay is making Manhattan her crack den, the NY papers are having a field day with stories and reports about how she’s spending her time. According to the NYDN, Lindsay was seen at a club called Goldbar on Friday and she was “sucking face in front of everyone” with a 22-year-old DJ named Julian Cavin. A source said: “‘Dating’ may be too heavy of a word to use right now… they were sucking face in front of everyone… They haven’t been hooking up that long… they spent all weekend together and they’re seeing each other. She was a mess… She started dirty dancing [on Cavin] when he wasn’t in the [DJ] booth.” And when a female friend of Cavin’s made a comment (the comment: “they look like a cute couple”), Lindsay crack-squawked at her and told the bouncers to kick the girl out of the club (which they didn’t). Lindsay then crack-squawked to E! News claiming that she and Cavin are “totally just friends and nothing more” and that the reports that LL is back in her mom’s house are “ridiculous”.

And here’s the final nonsensical Cracken story today. Page Six claims Lindsay might be an investor (or something?) in a Mexican restaurant?

Lindsay Lohan’s mere reputation as a party girl has TriBeCa residents up in arms after she was seen checking out a space that’s slated to become a restaurant. Spies say LiLo recently toured 39 N. Moore St. and was overheard advising a potential owner on details including where to put a DJ booth and VIP area. The sighting sparked local buzz that she was partnering on the space.

“Lindsay was overheard suggesting where to put a DJ booth . . . and inquiring how late they could stay open,” sniffed one resident. But another source tells us the location is being taken over by chef Enrique Olvera of acclaimed Mexico City restaurant Pujol, and Lohan had simply been with another party that looked at the space when it became available.

Triarch’s Stephen Corelli, the landlord, tells us, “I have no idea how [Lohan’s] name got involved with this . . . The tenant is a very high-end Mexican restaurant with one of the leading chefs in the world. A number of people are concerned about what they perceive to be the potential nuisance of a restaurant. As far as I am concerned, they’re using [Lohan’s] name to get some coverage so they can develop more controversy. It’s silly . . . this restaurant will be a first-class facility.”

Community Board 1 community liaison Evan Lacher says: “There have been a lot of residential petitions against the establishment . . . opposed to the fact that this will be a restaurant.”

The brouhaha has become heated enough that a hearing over a liquor license last night was postponed for 30 days. Reps for Lohan did not return a request for comment. The spot is currently occupied by high-end design store Cristina Dos Santos, which will relocate nearby.

[From Page Six]

LOL. It sounds like Lindsay’s name IS being used as some kind of real estate/districting cudgel so that a neighborhood doesn’t get a fancy Mexican restaurant/club. That being said… why in the world would you bring Lindsay on a tour of a soon-to-be restaurant? Surely she’s considered a walking health code violation. But I did have another thought – what if she’s considered an “expert” in the field of nightclubs and “hot spots”? No, right? There’s no way she’s considered an expert on anything.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Last week the NYDN claimed that, after tax liens and no career to speak of, Lindsay was definitely back at home in her mother’s Long Island crack den, and that Lindsay was even sleeping in her old bedroom. I mentioned that I thought that was sad, especially considering the idea that at no point has Lindsay ever saved for her future or made a wise investment in real estate. But! Lindsay wants everybody to know that she’s not really in Long Island. She’s in a penthouse! A penthouse which belongs to a “friend”.

Lindsay Lohan is NOT slumming it in NYC … quite the opposite, she’s livin’ pretty in a penthouse.

There are reports out Lindsay is living at her mom Dina’s Long Island home, but it’s not true. We’ve learned she’s staying at her friend’s SoHo apartment. The friend is letting Lindsay stay there rent free until she finds a place of her own.

And the friend hasn’t set any deadlines for moving.

Good thing it’s rent free, ’cause Lindsay should save her cash so she can pay Shawn Holley … at least that’s what we think.

[From TMZ]

So, she’s just a kept woman now, right? She’s staying at a john’s apartment? Do you think it’s Vikram Chatawal? Probably. He usually pays her way when she’s in NYC. TMZ also says that the penthouse is in the same building where Courtney Love used to live. It’s a pretty ritzy place with a 24-hour concierge service (which I’m sure Lindsay is abusing). But Radar has a sad addendum to the situation:

Lindsay Lohan was so “humiliated” after reports broke that due to her dire financial situation she had been forced to live at home with mom, Dina Lohan in Long Island, New York, that she begged a wealthy pal to let her temporarily crash at their New York apartment, RadarOnline.com is exclusively reporting.

As previously reported, Lindsay moved back into the family house – taking the same small bedroom next to her mom’s, she had during her teens – because : “She’s flat-out broke and can’t even afford to rent a two-bedroom apartment in North Hollywood,” an insider said, adding the Liz & Dick star wouldn’t be able to pass a credit check or come up with the cash for a deposit at this time.

“Lindsay was absolutely mortified and humiliated over the reports she was living back at home with Dina,” a source tells Radar. “She was thoroughly embarrassed that people knew how bad her finances are and exactly how broke she is. She immediately begged a friend to let her crash at their apartment in Soho. It’s only a matter of time though before Lindsay wears out her welcome, as inevitably always happens, because she is a total slob and smokes like a chimney . She is still trying to get her own place, but she’s totally broke , and has beyond horrible credit — right now, she probably couldn’t even get a library card. Lindsay’s bank accounts are still frozen by the IRS because she owes almost $300k in back taxes.”

Meanwhile, it looks like Lindsay found a new free of charge crash pad just in time!

As RadarOnline.com previously reported , the 26-year-old and her mercurial mom , 50, were served by Chase Bank on Thursday, informing them of intent to foreclose on the family’s $1.3 million Long Island mansion. The process server told the NY Post that the delivery was in regards to a mortgage issue involving the cash-strapped show biz family.

Dina’s financial problems have been well-chronicled throughout the years, as the show biz parent, who is reported to be more than $1 million in the red, was previously on the brink of foreclosure both last year, and in 2005. The mother and daughter duo clashed last fall over $40,000 Lindsay loaned Dina to dodge the bank repossessing the home.

[From Radar]

Ha, so basically Lindsay isn’t living at home because her mother’s crack den is about two seconds away from foreclosure and Dina is probably looking for a wealthy john of her own. I wonder if Vikram will let Dina stay at his place too? Also: how hard is it to get a library card these days? When I got my library card, I think I just had to show my driver’s license. So… if you’re setting the bar that high (!!), maybe Lindsay wouldn’t be able to get a library card. I doubt she has a valid license. Or an address. Or a desire to read.

Photos courtesy of WENN, Fame/Flynet.

CRACK ATTACK! Here are some photos of a barely-recognizable Lindsay Lohan last night at the amfAR gala at Cipriani Wall Street. Lindsay wore a vintage Roberto Cavalli gown which… looks like a lot of her gowns. What’s up with her face? Did she just get some work done? It looks really different, right? Is it just because she’s not so “puffy” from the “flu” right now? Or is it something else?

I think this amfAR thing is one of the events Lindsay tries to go to every year, but I didn’t realize that she was back in NYC right now – I thought she was still in LA. Crackie Red Alert canceled for LA! Crackie Red Alert back on for NYC! The NYDN claims that Lindsay is officially back to living with her mom in Long Island, and it’s just as ridiculous as you would expect:

The tax man is at her heels and club owners now keep a wary eye on poor Lindsay Lohan, but that’s barely the worst of it. Confidential has learned she’s spending her days and most nights back in her teenage bedroom on Long Island.

“For the past three months that has been her home base,” a source close to the family dishes. And that’s just where her mom, who needs her train-wreck daughter’s help to pay the mortgage, wants her. “Dina has been trying to get her to move home for years so she can keep a close eye on her. She didn’t want her in L.A. anymore. Not only is she in New York now, she’s in the next room.”

Lohan’s only money these days seems to be coming from overseas appearances, like the $100,000 she collected to party with Brunei’s Prince Azim in London this past New Year’s. That money, another source says, went to her family. And now, with her latest court appearance in L.A. behind her, it is off to Dubai on an endorsement trip for energy drink Mr. Pink. But the money is going out as soon as it comes in, keeping Lohan in the family’s Merrick, L.I., home.

Lohan had been fighting to stay on her own, even trying to work out a deal with Donald Trump for an apartment. But he wouldn’t give her a deep discount, so she pulled out. Last fall Lohan was struggling to pay the $8,000 monthly rent on her Beverly Hills pad.

“She had the lease until February, but Dina said come home.”

That house is the same one that Bravo’s “Million Dollar Decorators” spent $200,000 renovating — with LiLo refusing to reveal the results on the show.

This week she filed a $1.1 million lawsuit against her 6126 clothing label partners over breach of contract. Now the “Liz and Dick” star, who also has had her accounts frozen due to $233,904 in unpaid taxes, officially has “nowhere to live” but home.

“After all that time being in the business, making money, she doesn’t own a house, a car, furniture, an apartment. She has nothing to her name,” our source says. “It’s quick money here and there and she blows it right away.”

At home, life has regressed to the mother-daughter relationship of Lohan’s childhood, with the duo watching TV together to pass time.

“Dina’s working on a book at home. ‘A Parent Trapped’ is the working title,” says our source. “She says it’s about surviving domestic abuse. She’s shopping it around now.”

As for Lohan popping up in pictures shopping around New York City, she hasn’t yet resorted to the Long Island Rail Road for the commute. “A car service she hires takes her to and from her mom’s,” says our insider of the troubled star, who was spotted Wednesday night at a Fashion Week shindig at Cipriani Wall Street.

Lohan’s father, Michael, calls the move “awesome” and believes it will help his daughter to be with family. LiLo’s rep confirms she’s back living in New York, and denied it’s with her mom — but wouldn’t say why.

[From the NYDN]

It IS sad really, when looked at through the cold financials. At one point, Lindsay was making millions of dollars a year through her film work and modeling gigs and her other projects (cough). Now she still manages to make six-figures a year (at least) through these smaller things, and AT NO POINT did her business managers or financial people suggest that she put some money away? Or that she invest it wisely? Or that she even buy some real estate? Think of it this way – I’m not rich nor am I poor, but I have made much wiser investments than Lindsay. I have a mortgage and some money socked away, and I have very little debt. I wouldn’t trade my life for hers at all.

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet and Ivan Nikolov/WENN.com.