Linnocent is going back to jail! But it’s a mixed bag of a sentence. Part of me thinks the Cracken got off easy. Part of me thinks the judge is giving her enough rope to hang herself, so to speak. The sentence is basically as follows: 30 days in jail, non-negotiable, as soon as Linnocent turns herself over within the next week; from there, the judge set a timetable for Linnocent to complete 12 full days at the morgue a month, plus four therapy sessions a month, and if LL doesn’t complete either each month, this “probation” is automatically revoked, a warrant goes out for LL’s arrest, and she will have to immediately start a 270-day jail sentence. So, 300 days in jail, with only 30 days in jail guaranteed. Here are some random thoughts:

*LL was wearing vintage, with Giuseppe Zanotti shoes. And no bra? It didn’t look like her girls were contained. Saggy.

*She apparently told people that she was “sick” with “food poisoning from some bad shrimp”. She was barfing all night or something. Sure… “shrimp”. Must be a new drug I haven’t heard of.

*She doesn’t have to do any more community service hours at any place other than the County Morgue.

*Linnocent copped to violating her probation by not attending therapy and by getting kicked out of the Women’s Center.

*TMZ’s source inside the Sheriff’s Dept. says “Lindsay will serve 20% of the 30 days — 6 days in jail.” – That’s from the 30 day sentence. Ugh.

*No tweeting, no press conferences. Those were both just judicial “suggestions”.

*Linnocent was keeping tighter control over her spastic, crackface today. No bulging eyes, no kabuki makeup, just a lot of pouting, lip-biting and fake-eyelash batting.

*I LOVED that the Women’s Center said that they might take LL back, but the judge was like, “No, I don’t want to put them through that.” I also loved that another women’s center was all “That crackhead is a bad influence on these women.” Seriously, she’s a HORRIBLE influence.

*If she wants to leave the state for “work” she has to prove to her new probation officer (her old one quit her crack ass) that she really will be “working”. What, like provide receipts for the beejs?

Blah, blah… so, yeah, I’m kind of disappointed, especially because I don’t think LL will even end up in jail for a week. But! I know my Cracken. She’ll f–k up again. She’ll go all crackie and blow off some hours and then she’ll go to jail.

Photos courtesy of Fame, screen caps from the live feed.

Linnocent is due in court at 10 am PST, 1 pm EST. This is her sentencing hearing, in which Judge Sautner will sentence Linnocent to anywhere from “time served” to “a year and a half” for violating the terms of her probation. We’ll have more coverage once we have photos of Linnocent’s latest court outfit, which I’m sure will be rough, and hopefully, Linnocent will get some serious jail time. TMZ’s sources claim that LL thinks she’s only going to get two weeks. HA.

Lindsay Lohan knows she’s getting jail time when she faces Judge Stephanie Sautner later this morning … but she’s dreaming if she really thinks she’ll only get 2 weeks.

We broke the story …. Lindsay will concede she violated probation by getting kicked out of the Downtown Women’s Center. As a result, there will NOT be a formal hearing with witnesses and all, but our sources say Shawn Holley will present a list of reasons why the judge should show Lindsay mercy. We’re told Holley will focus on Lindsay’s therapist, who believes LiLo has made progress. And, ironically, Holley will present evidence from the Downtown Women’s Center as well.

As for Lindsay’s sentence, we’re told the judge has not communicated it to either Holley or the prosecutors. Whatever sentence Lindsay gets, the Sheriff’s Dept. tells us Lindsay will serve only 20% … and that’s exactly what every non-felon in L.A. County Jail serves.

Sheriff’s officials also tell us Lindsay will not be placed in the general population for security reasons. She’ll get her own cell.

Although it’s a virtual certainty the judge will sentence Lindsay to jail, it’s possible she’ll give LiLo time to get her affairs in order — anywhere from 24 hours to a week, before she has to surrender and begin serving her sentence.

[From TMZ]

Meanwhile, LL’s rep Steve Honig went to Radar to say that Linnocent is going to “face” her sentence with “spirit, courage and strength.” Like she’s the Nelson Mandela of crackheads. SO NOBLE. Mahatma Cracken. Honig goes on: “Lindsay is an extremely strong individual, and is going to do whatever she has to do in order to move on with her life. She is a gifted artist, a compassionate individual and a loyal person who is true to herself. Whatever happens today, she will face it with spirit, courage and strength.” Radar’s sources also say that the judge isn’t going to let LL get off with house arrest this time either.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Poor Linnocent! Poor crackhead is trying to get attention at the same time Kim Kardashian is filing for divorce. Good luck with that, crackie! So Linnocent managed to get a story in TMZ and Radar this morning, both about her legal options/crack shenanigans. TMZ’s report is all about how Linnocent hopes that the judge will just pay attention to what’s happened in the last week, and ignore the last six months of balls-out crackie behavior:

Lindsay Lohan will concede she violated her probation by getting kicked out of her community service program …TMZ has learned.

Lindsay will appear in court on Wednesday … where Judge Stephanie Sautner plans to hold a hearing on whether Lindsay violated her probation. But our sources say the hearing may be unnecessary, because Lindsay will not put up a fight.

Sources tell us Lindsay’s strategy — courtesy of Shawn Holley — is to show the judge she is now really, really serious about complying with the terms of her probation. She’ll come to court armed with proof she’s logged in 24 hours of service at the morgue — way more than the 16 hours the judge required before Wednesday’s hearing. And Lindsay still has time to put in more time.

Lindsay’s plan has its risks — she faces well over a year in jail if the judge throws the book at her. We’re told Lindsay is hoping for minimal jail time — two weeks — which would actually be way less because of overcrowding.

The wild card, of course, is Judge Sautner, who made it clear at the time of sentencing … if Lindsay violated probation she would go to jail. Based on the judge’s statements … it’s unlikely Lindsay would score a 2-week sentence.

[From TMZ]

I hope that Judge Sautner isn’t going to be fooled by LL’s new attitude towards her community service. Considering what a bitch-slapping the judge gave Linnocent last time, I have high hopes, although some of it isn’t in the judge’s hands. If the judge goes all hardcore and sentences LL to a year in jail, LL would get out… when? Maybe a month? Because the California jails and prisons are so overcrowded and everybody’s sentences get reduced once they’re handed off to the Sheriff’s Department. However, someone in the sheriff’s department did go on the record saying that if the judge hands down a big sentence, LL will be doing most of it. Here’s hoping.

Meanwhile, LL’s delusional rep, Steve Honig, tells Radar: “Lindsay recognizes it’s time to have closure on this. Lindsay has several projects we will be announcing in the coming months, and she is looking forward to being back on set. Lindsay has been doing eight hour shifts just like everybody else, and she is working diligently in fulfilling her obligations. Lindsay is being accountable and is taking this very, very seriously.” BITCH PLEASE. Don’t even start with that “she’s looking forward to being back on set” BS.

Here’s Linnocent looking for closure last night in Hollywood, where she went to a party dressed as… what? A cracked-out French maid?

Photos courtesy of Pacific Coast News.

Linnocent just tweeted (or “Who Say’d”) the above photo with the message, “Thanks Dr. Dorfman for the zoom… My gums are so sore though!” Because Linnocent wants us to believe that her new, shiny, bright white teeth are the product of simply “Zoom” teeth whitening, I suppose. As opposed to getting some new crackie veneers put on now that she’s got Playboy firecrotch money burning a hole in her crack pocket, I suppose. After LL showed up at an event two weeks ago looking like this:

Many of us theorized that perhaps her old crack veneers were repossessed by some loan shark. Or perhaps they had just deteriorated through normal activities for LL: smoking crack, smoking meth, rubbing coke on her gums, drinking, gargling with Jack, smoking cigs, et cetera. Shortly after that cracked out appearance, however, LL began flashing some brighter teeth – she must have gone in for an emergency cleaning or something. Anyway, they looked better. And now she’s just gone ahead and gotten new veneers, only we’re not supposed to know that, we’re just supposed to think that those little methy corn teeth turned big and bright and white by magic.

Oh, and Us Weekly points out that Dr. Bill Dorfman, is “a high-profile, L.A-based dentist who’s worked with such stars as Eva Longoria, Jessica Simpson, Anne Hathaway, Usher and Ozzy Osbourne.” LL also wants us to know that she sees The Dentist to the Stars.

LL is due back in court this week – on Wednesday! This is the hearing for sentencing, right? Because the judge found her in violation of her probation? I’m sure it will be a cracked-out extravaganza. Something to look forward to. Speaking of, here are some photos of Linnocent on morgue duty on Friday. She was waving to her sister Ali, who had come to visit her… at the morgue. This family.

Photos courtesy of WENN, Pacific Coast News.

When I read the first sentence of this TMZ story, I felt the vom rising up. The sentence begins, “Lindsay Lohan’s genitals are a friggin’ gold mine…” VOM. Only wouldn’t it be more accurate if Linnocent’s genitals were a “copper” mine? Because she’s a ginger, you know. Copper. Ginge. Firecrotch. Her biscuits look like a cool autumn day in the mountains, the shades of red blanketing the landscape. With scabies.

Anyway, TMZ reports that in addition to her six-figure Playboy deal (which includes everything, the full ginge), an “adult entertainment company” is also willing to pay ONE MILLION DOLLARS… just for a mold of LL’s “lady parts”.

Lindsay Lohan’s genitals are a friggin’ gold mine — because Playboy’s million dollar baby has just received ANOTHER million dollar offer from a sex toy company … TMZ has learned.

The honchos from an adult entertainment company called FleshLight have fired over a letter to Lohan’s reps … hoping to seal a deal with the actress which would allow the company to take a mold of LiLo’s lady parts to produce “authentic” Lindsay Lohan sex toys.

Shockingly, the practice of genital molding is not that uncommon in the world of adult entertainment … loads of XXX actresses — including Jesse Jane and “Nailin’ Palin” star Lisa Ann — have copied their private parts for sex toys.

We’re told Lindsay hasn’t seen the offer yet … but sources close to the actress tell us, “She would never accept such an offer for any amount of money.”

As TMZ first reported, Lindsay is going full frontal for Playboy … but only agreed to the deal because she felt the photos would be “tasteful.”

[From TMZ]

LMAO, “She would never accept such an offer for any amount of money.” Like she has such high standards! Like Linnocent is sitting around, fielding all of this amazing offers. “No, I don’t get on my knees for less than $100 grand! Call back when you’re ready to make a real offer. Hello, yes? A mold of my what? Ten million or I’ll give you a mold of my middle finger!”

Honestly though… if I was faced with the decision between posing (tastefully) nude in Playboy for someodd $900K, or having a mold of my vadge made for $1 million, I think I would choose the mold. Right? It feels less creepy, honestly. But if I was Linnocent, I would do both.

Oh, and Star Mag had this sketchy story about the real reason LL isn’t going to be sent to jail – according to a “source,” “Lindsay has managed to form a friendship with a powerful political type. He’s promised her he’ll help get her out of trouble ASAP… the new friend has put her fears at bay and is offering her hope of getting the whole incident squashed.” Er… it’s Boehner, right? Weiner? Rick Perry!

Oh, and here are photos of LL from two days ago, where she brought two purses to the morgue (one purse for drugs, I’m assuming). One of the purses is a $4500 Fendi, and the other is a $1600 YSL. Of course.

Photos courtesy of WENN and Pacific Coast News.

I’m sure you’ve probably already heard about this, but since you bitches love a Linnocent post like the Cracken loves crack, here is your forum to discuss the details of LL’s Playboy shoot. Now, a few days ago there was a report that made it seem like Linnocent wasn’t really going to expose anything for her six-figure paycheck. No boobs, no vadge, maybe not even her ass. Which was a weird report, considering Linnocent has flashed all of that (and more) just within the past year. It’s not like her vadge is some secret – we’ve all seen it. Anyway, LL has already done the Playboy photo shoot (Dina says it “went well” of course) and now details are beginning to “leak” out. Much like I’m sure there was some “leakage” at the photo shoot. Ew, I’m sorry. That was too gross. Basically, the Cracken is exposing everything and then some for her paycheck. ‘Atta girl.

Lindsay Lohan didn’t wuss out for her Playboy shoot — TMZ has learned, the actress will BARE ALL in her upcoming spread … i.e. the holy trifecta … or as one source close to Playboy put it, “boobs, ass, and vag.”

As we previously reported, Lindsay recently locked down a nearly-million-dollar deal with PB for a full pictorial — and yesterday, she finally wrapped her 4-day shoot.

Reports circulated Lindsay would pull one of those lame semi-nude fiascos — all sideboob, no fun — but sources close to Hef & co. tell us, that is NOT the case. Lindsay did insist the photos be “tastefully done,” but we’re told she’s still going the full monty.

It’s unclear when Lindsay will grace the cover — but it could be the life-giving jolt Playboy needs for a comeback.

[From TMZ]

I mean… of course. Hugh Hefner might be a doddering old codger who couldn’t find his dick with two hands and a map, but even HE knows that if you’re going to hand LL a $900,000 check, the vadge must be included. Radar also has a report about WHY the crackie decided to go “full biscuit”. Hint: she’s a crackhead mess who is hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt.

Lindsay Lohan decided to do a Playboy photo shoot because she was extremely concerned about her financial situation and a possible jail sentence, RadarOnline.com is exclusively reporting.

The embattled actress is facing up to 18 months behind bars for a possible probation violation in her shoplifting case. LiLo’s probation violation hearing is scheduled for November 2.

“Lindsay still hasn’t signed her contract to be in the John Gotti biopic. Lindsay is extremely concerned about her finances, and she needs the money. Lindsay’s flow of income has been greatly diminished in the last year. With the possibility of being sent back to jail for over a year, she felt that now was the time to do the Playboy photo shoot,” a source close to the actress tells us.

As RadarOnline.com previously reported Lindsay arrived 20 minutes early for her court ordered community service at the Los Angeles Coroner’s Office Wednesday morning. LiLo was ordered to complete 16 hours per week at the morgue before her probation violation hearing next week. The judge handling Lindsay’s shoplifting case terminated the actresses’ probation last week after she was booted from the Downtown Women’s Center, a shelter for homeless women. DWC cut Lohan loose after she failed to appear on multiple days. Judge Stephanie Sautner had ordered Lindsay to perform more than 300 hours of community service at the Skid Row shelter as part of her probation in her shoplifting case.

Lindsay will be cleaning toilets, scrubbing floors and cleaning up after autopsies are performed.

[From Radar]

It makes sense. I mean… I’ll bash LL for anything and everything, but posing for Playboy for a massive paycheck is one of the most rational decisions she’s made in years. If Playboy is dumb enough to pay her, why not? And it shows a clear understanding on Linnocent’s part that she’s not some in-demand actress and model, that if she wants to have some money and pay her bills, she’s got to make this kind of move.

Photos courtesy of Fame & WENN.

Linnocent has ALREADY posed for Playboy. That was fast! I guess once LL got close to her asking price – reportedly something more than $750K and less than a million – she was eager to nail this thing down and get that check. And as I suggested/theorized yesterday, Mother Crackie was behind all of it. Dina Lohan was the one to confirm the shoot had already taken place, telling X17, “The photo shoot went well.” Apparently the photo shoot took place at an LA mansion, and the Cracken brought her young sister Ali with her. Of course. Because a Playboy shoot is the perfect environment for your kid sister.

To make matters even worse/funnier, media outlets are now digging up old quotes from LL where she talks haughtily about never doing nude scenes. The Cracken said in 2005 (twenty cracked-out lifetimes ago): “I’m not going to do a nude scene. Then there’s no mystery for my private life. I think there’s other things you can do to show people you have talent.” Hahahahahaa… sad.

By the way, Linnocent is super-pissed that the LA Sheriff is all “Seriously, Judge Sautner, if you want to send that cracked-out freckle to jail, we’ve got room for her.” Thus, LL’s delusional red went to Radar TO COMPLAIN.

Lindsay Lohan is telling her close friends that she is very angry that Los Angeles County Sheriff Lee Baca made public comments about her in which the top cop said there was room at his jails for the Mean Girls star, RadarOnline.com is exclusively reporting.

Lohan is due back in court for a probation violation hearing on November 2 in connection with her shoplifting case. The troubled starlet, 25, was booted from the Downtown Women’s Center, where Judge Sautner had ordered her to perform community service for failure to appear on multiple days. Judge Stephanie Sautner admitted at Lindsay’s progress report hearing last week that sending her back to jail wasn’t effective because of jail overcrowding. However, in a bold move, Sheriff Lee Baca said in a television interview that he had room in jail for her, appearing to send Judge Sautner a message that if she sentences Lindsay to jail, she would serve time behind bars.

“Lindsay was stunned when she made when she heard Sheriff Lee Baca discussing her on television. She just wants to be treated like everyone else. Lindsay was outraged when Baca said he had room in the jail for her, and that she would benefit from substance abuse counseling if placed behind bars. Baca doesn’t know her, and he certainly isn’t a lawyer. Lindsay was just at a loss for words that the sheriff would single her out,” an insider close to the situation tells us.

“We found Sheriff Baca’s statements to be highly inappropriate and not consistent with how the legal system is supposed to operate,” Lindsay Lohan’s rep Steve Honig tells RadarOnline.com exclusively.

As RadarOnline.com previously reported Sheriff Baca will closely follow Judge Sautner’s jail sentence if she determines Lohan is in violation of her probation. “If Judge Sautner determines that Ms. Lohan is in violation of terms of her probation, and sentences her to jail, she would be remanded into custody at the Lynwood Correctional Facility for women,” Nicole Nishida, spokesperson for the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department tells RadarOnline.com.

“Ms. Lohan did serve a sentence under house arrest recently because of jail overcrowding. If Judge Saunter were to state that she wants Ms. Lohan to serve time behind bars, and not at home, it’s something that would be taken into consideration by officials. There is rampant overcrowding in Los Angeles County jails, and inmates are currently serving about 25% of their imposed sentences.”

Lohan came under fire for her behavior while under house arrest. As RadarOnline.com previously reported Lohan was spotted partying during her 35 day “incarceration” as well as carrying out a roof top photo shoot and enjoying BBQs with family and friends.

Lindsay could be sentenced to 18 months behind bars if Judge Sautner determines she has violated terms of her probation.

[From Radar]

“Lindsay was just at a loss for words that the sheriff would single her out.” I’m assuming she’s also “just at a loss for words that the JUDGE would single her out” and she’s “just at a loss for words that the PROSECUTOR would single her out.” She’s always being singled out, whenever she does something wrong! Why doesn’t anyone understand that she’s a poor crack child who just needs to fly to Europe and be a hooker and go clubbing and do mountains of coke??!?!?

Photos courtesy of Fame & WENN.

When I’m writing endlessly about Linnocent and her insane crack shenanigans, you know I like to use “crack” as a verb, noun, adjective, and perhaps even an adverb (“she walked crackily”). Sometimes I’ll stop myself and wonder, “Gee, will people ever think I’m talking about Linnocent’s actual crack, as in her ‘vadge,’ as opposed to her all-encompassing crackhead status?” Do you ever make that mistake? Because I sometimes catch myself and think, “NO. I can’t say ‘crack’ here because it could be read in a way that is much too vulgar.” With that in mind, there’s some news about The Cracken’s crack, and I don’t care how vulgar that is. She’s posing for Playboy! And the crackhead is getting PAID too.

Lindsay Lohan is shooting nude photos for Playboy — TMZ has confirmed — and LiLo don’t strip for peanuts … the spread will earn her almost a million dollars!

Sources tell us the deal has been in the works for months, and that Lindsay balked at an initial $750K offer because she wanted … ONE MILLION dollars … to show the world what her momma gave her (apologies for the DiLo reference).

We’re told Hugh Hefner and Co. recently came back to Lindsay with an offer less than her asking price — but close enough for her to sign on the dotted line. No word yet on which issue Linds will be featured in … but it’s a good bet she’ll be on the cover.

Lindsay’s rep said, “I can neither confirm or deny at this time.” Playboy didn’t immediately respond to our email or phone call. 

According to sources, the shoot started over the weekend — which means Linds was juggling her court ordered morgue duties … with getting nekkid.

Sweet, sweet multi-tasking.

[From TMZ]

Am I alone in not thinking this is some huge deal? Linnocent has already shown her firecrotch in candids, and she’s already done several half-naked photo shoots (like the Marilyn one). I’m only surprised that she hasn’t posed for Playboy before this. Plus, that million-dollar payday will certainly help with her hundreds of thousands of dollars of debt, plus her legal fees, plus her drug “expenses”. Basically, she’s already blown through that $1 million before it’s even in her hot little hands.

Oh, and here’s another interesting story – Linnocent just fired her manager Lou Taylor. Taylor also managed Britney Spears, and according to TMZ’s source (Dina), “Lindsay felt Taylor (who also manages Britney Spears) didn’t have the time to manage her and Lohan wanted someone who could put more effort into her…Lindsay felt her finances (which were Taylor’s responsibility) were beginning to slip through the cracks and word was getting back to her that her balances were not being handled in a timely manner … in part because Taylor is based in Tennessee.” Linnocent’s delusional rep, Steve Honig, told TMZ that “the split was amicable”. Is anyone else surprised that LL still had a manager? That’s the most shocking part. I also like how The Cracken is basically throwing Lou Taylor under the bus, and blaming him for her cracked-out financial mess. I wonder who Linnocent’s new manager is going to be? CoughcoughMotherCrackiecough. After all, it was probably Dina’s idea to get her daughter to pose for Playboy.

Photos courtesy of Fame & WENN.

So Linnocent showed up 85 minutes early for her morgue duty on Friday. That came after she was 40 minutes late on Thursday, and she got turned away for being an unreliable crackhead. Within hours of her arrival at the morgue, TMZ had already gotten hilarious “exclusives” about Linnocent dealing with the dead and their assorted body fluids, which allegedly grossed out LL. As many of us theorized, Linnocent probably hadn’t even slept – she had probably been tweaking and snorting all night long (more on that in a moment), and I would imagine that she was desperate for a hit of something, anything, several hours into her morgue duty. Thus, someone (“someone”) tried to smuggle some crackie “cupcakes” into the morgue:

The L.A. County Coroner… turned away a dude who was delivering 36 fancy cupcakes to Lindsay Lohan and 35 of her closest friends at the morgue.

We found out about it and called Assistant Chief Coroner Ed Winter to inquire, and he said, “WHAT!” — and then went to the front door and turned the delivery guy away
Winter told TMZ, “It’s unacceptable. We’re not here to accept food,” adding there are not 36 people in Lindsay’s program, so some of the cupcakes were apparently earmarked for the Coroner’s staff.

We found out the order was placed this morning at the fancy, Magnolia Bakery by someone Lindsay knows.

The bakery owner would not tell TMZ whether the order was placed at Lindsay’s behest, but Winter told TMZ he spoke with Lindsay and she said she had nothing to do with the order.

[From TMZ]

Note that last part – “Winter told TMZ he spoke with Lindsay and she said she had nothing to do with the order.” Than TMZ reported this:

Lindsay Lohan didn’t want to be a stiff during her first day at the morgue …so she went in and washed soiled linens, scrubbed toilets and seemed to enjoy her time with the other volunteers … sources tell TMZ.

We’re told LiLo said she felt “terrible” about showing up late and being such a distraction on Thursday, so she went to bed early to avoid a repeat performance.

Lindsay, we’re told, didn’t act like a spoiled brat. Like so many of her friends, she got down on her hands and knees …. and cleaned floors. She even socialized with some of the other volunteers.

As for the whole burger and cupcake thing … Lindsay told friends she wasn’t trying to bribe anyone … but the gesture was just another way to show the staff how sorry she was for being late the day before.

[From TMZ]

So did she order the cupcakes or not? Did she lie about it to Mr. Winter? Did Mother Crackhead order the cupcakes for Linnocent, figuring that ‘who would say “no” to crack cupcakes’? Was there a little something-something “hidden” in some of the special cupcakes? I do not know the answers to any of these questions, but I can make a good guess.

Alright, now back to Linnocent tweaking and snorting and partying before her community service hours. The NY Post got this “exclusive” report about The State of The Cracken at this point. I feel like we’re supposed to be sympathetic to this portrayal of a dumb crackie who always finds herself in the center of various crack dramas, but I just can’t feel it. Mostly, I just think she’s pathetic and she’s brought this all on herself:

Slumped on the sofa at a private house party in Malibu, Lindsay Lohan reaches clumsily for her bag. Her artificially plumped lips parted company with their last cigarette several minutes ago, and she’s clearly in need of a nicotine fix. Fumbling among the detritus in her designer tote, she pulls out a box of Parliament Lights and a tattered notebook, and begins scribbling pensively.

“I write absolutely everything down,” she tells a partygoer after asking him for a light. “It’s the only way I can make sense of everything that happens in my life.”

While the ramblings of the child star-turned-absentee morgue cleaner would no doubt make for fascinating reading, many would find her thought processes harder to decipher than the Dead Sea Scrolls.

“To say she’s delusional would be a major understatement,” one former associate tells The Post. “She genuinely seems clueless as to why these things keep happening to her. There is always something, or someone, else to blame.”

Just Wednesday, Lindsay was led from the Los Angeles County Superior Court in handcuffs and ordered to post $100,000 bail after Judge Stephanie Sautner angrily stated that Lohan had violated the terms of probation in her misdemeanor shoplifting case by failing to show up for community service at a women’s shelter on no fewer than nine occasions.

The following day, Lohan showed up 40 minutes late for court-ordered morgue cleaning at the Los Angeles County coroner’s office and was considered a no-show. Lindsay, 25, is due back in court on Nov. 2, when it will be decided if she should face time behind bars.

Dubbed “uninsurable” by the producers of “Inferno,” who fired her from the Linda Lovelace biopic last year, Lindsay’s latest venture — a $500,000 modeling gig for German designer Philipp Plein — is hanging in the balance. Reports last year claimed the actress was more than $600,000 in debt (her mom, Dina, denied the story), but “cutbacks” are not on Lindsay’s agenda.

“Lindsay gets by on checks from club appearances, and from plugging firms on her Twitter account and Web site,” a Lohan insider reveals. “The amounts are nothing like what she used to command, but she also gets a lot of things for free: She’s not shy of clearing the shelves at a gifting suite. She doesn’t really understand the value of money; she hoards hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of shoes and clothes in her apartment, but she won’t sell anything to help clear her debts.”

Lindsay’s friend choices are questionable at best.

“If someone disagrees with her, or tells her she’s out of line, she cuts them dead,” the acquaintance says. “She is surrounded by sycophants who are hanging on the coattails of her notoriety; she is still very naive and trusting and she gets exploited a lot.”

But how did the feted young actress plummet from A-list to ”lost cause” status? One friend says it was all in her upbringing.

“She has been exploited for most of her life,” the pal says, “so it’s unsurprising she doesn’t have much grip on reality.”

[From The New York Post]

I mean… is this surprising? Nope – we‘ve all known this crap for years. She’s delusional. Check. She surrounds herself with enablers. Check. She has crappy parents. Check. She’s a crack hoarder. Check. She’s in crazy debt. Check. She’s a taker and she demands loads of “free” crap. Check. She thinks everybody else is to blame for her problems. Check. Is any of this sad? Should I get all depressed at the state of Linnocent’s sad life? I’m mostly sad that one of these days, she’s really going to hurt someone, and then it will no longer be a “crack shenanigan”.

Photos courtesy of Fame, Pacific Coast News, WENN.

Well, well, well. Guess who showed up at the morgue? The Cracken! Huzzah, bitches. She’s so “serious” about her community service that she showed up “early” after tweaking and snorting all g-ddamn night and not sleeping so I’m sure she’s extra twitchy and gross this morning. According to People Mag, LL showed up at 5:35 a.m. PST, 85 minutes before her scheduled 7 a.m. start time. WTF did she do for an hour and a half? It’s just as rude to show up THAT early as it is showing up late.

Assistant Chief Coroner, Ed Winter, who called Linnocent out yesterday (he said that she damn well knew which entrance to use), told the media scrum: “Ms. Lohan completed her orientation this morning and she’s currently working, doing janitorial duties. She’s doing fine. She won’t be handling any dead bodies but she’ll certainly see them.” Her duties allegedly consistent of “mopping floors, washing windows and taking out the garbage.” Oh, we’re never going to hear the end of this, are we? No, no we are not. TMZ already has an anonymously-sourced (Linnocent crack-screeching into her cell phone as she does lines in the ladies’ room) piece on what’s gone down in just the few first hours:

Lindsay Lohan won’t be touching any dead bodies during her stint on morgue duty this morning … but TMZ has learned she’s already come face to face with a real not-live human corpse.

Sources tell us … Lindsay is on sheet-washing duty … and she covered her mouth in horror when she first laid eyes on the blood and fluid stained linens.

We’re told … during her shift, Lindsay saw a dead body in the morgue and seemed “shocked.”

Lohan has just moved on to toilet duty.

Sources also tell us Lindsay appears to be in good spirits … is talking to other people in her group … and is maintaining a positive attitude.

As we previously reported, Lindsay has been ordered to complete 16 hours in the morgue per week until her next hearing.

[From TMZ]

Ed Winters also told the LAT that “She is not getting any special treatment. She’s going to be cleaning toilets, mopping floors and emptying the trash bins.” She’s also one of 15 to 20 people who perform these duties daily. OH! And she only gets a half an hour for lunch, and she has to bring her lunch with her! Ten bucks says she has her assistant bring her something, right? But my favorite Ed Winters quote is this: “If she doesn’t behave, I’m going to ask her to leave.” I love Ed Winters. Ed Winters knows what’s up.

To honor Ed Winters, I’m including some of my favorite Linnocent photos throughout the years. PINK COAT!!! SCREEEEE!!!

Photos courtesy of WENN & Fame.