Here’s another woman I don’t get the affection for: Emmanuelle Chriqui. Why? Sure, she’s cute, and she’s got some style and a slender, lithe little body, but beyond that, who cares? I just don’t see why she has any kind of “it” factor. Anyway, Chriqui made the number one spot on AskMen.com’s poll of 6 million men to figure out the hottest, most desirable women in the world. Last year’s number one was Eva Mendes. The year before that, it was Megan Fox. So… men have crappy taste in women. Don’t believe me? Here’s this year’s top ten, in descending order: Marisa Miller, Kate Beckinsale, Alessandra Ambrosio, Jessica Alba, Beyonce, Penelope Cruz, Cheryl Cole, Eva Mendes and Miranda Kerr. I can get on board for Penelope, but the rest of the women… just ugh.

They’ve got it!

Popular men’s site AskMen.com has polled its staff and 6 million reader votes to compile the top 99 most desirable women of the New Year. The site explains its simple criteria: “What does the modern man look for in his ideal companion?”

Who made it to the top?

Actress and mom Jessica Alba took the #5 spot, model Alessandra Ambrosio #4, actress Kate Beckinsdale #3, model Marisa Miller #2….

The top lady? Entourage star Emmanuelle Chriqui!

Chriqui (whose parents emigrated to Canada from Morocco), 32, said of the honor, “It’s not just about being ‘hot’ but about being a well-rounded woman. That’s really empowering!”

2009’s winner, Eva Mendes, landed in ninth place.

[From Us Weekly]

Other notables: Adriana Lima (24), Leighton Meester (75), Blake Lively (85), Kristen Stewart (21) and Megan Fox wannabe Ashley Greene (41). Olivia Wilde was at 49. Scarlett Johansson at 23, Natalie Portman at 17, Jessica “I’m so Gorgeous” Biel at 27, Mila Kunis at 32. And for those keeping score of ye olde triangle, Angelina Jolie is at 88 and Jennifer Aniston didn’t place. At all. And I actually feel like that sucks, but though I don’t think much of her, Aniston is far superior to many of the women on the list (here for the whole slideshow). Sigh. Men are idiots.

Emmanuelle Chriqui in New York on December 15, 2009 and August 17, 2009 and in LA on December 3. Credit for all: WENN.

What is about television that rewards some of the most annoying people ever? It boggles the mind how people like Ryan Seacrest, Simon Cowell and Mark Burnett are consistently rewarded for the most boring, repetitive, lowest-common-denominator programming ever. It’s in this vein that Forbes Magazine has released their list of the top-earning women of primetime television. Guess which monstrosity is the top of the heap? Oh, yes. Tyra Banks. Her estimated earning for the past year are $30 million - that for America’s Next Top Model as well as her daytime talk show, which is weird. If they’re counting daytime stuff, Oprah should be on the list. But nevermind.

The number-two (and I mean that in every way) slot is filled by none other than Dame Katherine Heigl herself, although she might have tried to withdraw from the list at the last moment citing bad material that could have affected Forbes’ analysis. I jest! Katherine made so much last year because of Grey’s Anatomy and because of all of the film work she’s gotten. Radar has more, including the rest of the top ten:

Forbes have released their prime time top earning women list and there’s a few surprises in there!

Heading up the list is Trya Banks, with an estimated annual earnings of $30million. Tyra earns the majority of her money from the hugely successful America’s Next Top Model and her daytime talk show as well as various TV cameos.

Second on the list is Grey’s Anatomy cutie Katherine Heigl earning $18 million for her turn as a TV doctor as well as her role as leading lady in films such as The Ugly Truth.

The rest of the list reads:
3. Marg Helgenberger - $9.5 million
4. Eva Longoria Parker - $9 million
5. Mariska Hargitay - $8.5 million
6. Julia Louis-Dreyfus - $8 million (tie)
6. Maura Tierney - $8 million (tie)
8. Tina Fey - $7 million
9. Marcia Cross - $6.2 million
10. Jennifer Love Hewitt - $6 million

[From Radar]

Jennifer Love Pear Ass makes $6 million this year? How is that even possible? I thought The Ghost Whisperer was just some crappy, “nobody watches the Pear Ass”, weepy, faux-supernatural drama. But the Pear Ass is getting paid, for real. Other than that… meh. I love me some Mariska Hargitay and Tina Fey, those ladies deserve their paychecks. The only other “what the hell?” person on the list for me is Eva Longoria. Isn’t Desperate Housewives pretty much done? Does anyone even watch that crap anymore? And people have finally come to their senses and realized that Eva really isn’t as hot as she thinks she is, thank God. So why the huge paychecks?

I have to admit, I don’t get the Anne Hathaway thing. Some people just adore her, and think she’s like the next Meryl Streep or something. My mom is like that - with Anne and with her new favorite, Amy Adams. Personally, I think Anne, at 26 years old, is a talented, hard-working actress with quite a bit of luck, a great management team, and enough Hollywood big-wigs on her side. I can sit through many of her films and enjoy them - but I absolutely hate her in interviews. Once she’s not playing a character and you see some of her real personality, it’s not good. She comes across (to me) as very fake and pretentious, like she’s trying to be a goody-goody, when she’s anything but.

Anyway, it turns out that Anne Hathaway has been named the “Best Actress Under 30” by lovefilm.com. Anne was the only actress under 30 years old to receive an Oscar nomination in the past year, so that enabled her to knock Keira Knightley off the top spot. Here’s the top twenty:

Top 20 Under 30 charts in full:
1. Anne Hathaway, 26 (2008 ranking 6)
2. Keira Knightley, 24 (2008 ranking 1)
3. Michelle Williams, 28 (2008 not eligible)
4. Emily Blunt, 26 (2008 ranking 5)
5. Natalie Portman, 28 (2008 not eligible)
6. Ellen Page, 22 (2008 ranking 2)
7. Abbie Cornish, 26 (2008 ranking 9)
8. Scarlett Johansson, 24 (2008 ranking 3)
9. Kristen Stewart, 19 (2008 ranking 11)
10. Sienna Miller, 27 (2008 not eligible)
11. Evan Rachel Wood, 21 (2008 ranking 5)
12. Zooey Deschanel, 29 (2008 not eligible)
13. Megan Fox, 23 (2008 ranking 7)
14. Bryce Dallas Howard, 28 (2008 not eligible)
15. Alice Braga, 26 (2008 ranking 10)
16. Saoirse Ronan, 15 (new entry)
17. Carey Mulligan, 24 (new entry)
18. Mia Wasikowska, 19 (new entry)
19. Dakota Fanning, 15 (new entry)
20. Katie Jarvis, 17 (new entry)

[From lovefilm via the Telegraph]

I agree with the high rankings of women like Emily Blunt (love her) and Kristen Stewart, but am I alone in wondering who some of these women are? Like, Alice Braga? Whatever. Saoirse Ronan was the little girl in Atonement, and she’s adorable. She’s going to be seen next in The Lovely Bones, as the murdered girl/narrator. How in the world does Megan Fox get a better ranking than Saoirse? Oh, well. I guess I just be happy that Megan didn’t make the top ten.

Here’s Anne Hathaway at the opening night curtain call for ‘Twelfth Night’ at Shakespeare in the Park held at the Delacorte Theater in Central Park in New York City on June 25th. Images thanks to WENN.com .

Vanity Fair’s September issue has been devoted as “The Style Issue” for several years now. Yesterday, we even got a sneak peek at the dual VF covers - one for Michael Jackson, one for Farrah Fawcett. Now Vanity Fair online has released this year’s “Best Dressed” list. While I always enjoy this feature, and the photo spread that goes along with the list, I do have some nit-picking. VF puts way too much emphasis on Europeans, and seems to reward the most “over the top” high-fashion trendsetters. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy looking at high fashion, but I like a “best dressed” list that actually features people who look stunning in a well-cut suit, or simple dress.

I’m just going to skip over some of the names on the list and focus on the most high-profile names. If you’d like to see the complete list, with a slideshow, go to VF. Here’s the “Best Dressed” in various categories:

Women - Penelope Cruz, Anne Hathaway, Alicia Keys, Kelly Ripa
Men - Tiki Barber, Daniel Craig, Barack Obama, Brad Pitt
First Ladies - Michelle Obama and Carla Bruni-Sarkozy
Hall of Fame - Catherine Deneuve, Lapo Elkann, Renee Zellweger
Couples - Paloma Cuevas & Enrique Ponce; Diana Taylor & Michael Bloomberg; Natalia Vodianova & Justin Portman; Shelley Wanger & David Mortimer

[From Vanity Fair]

VF should be ashamed of themselves for not including Jon Hamm on the list. That man has done for retro men’s fashion what Sarah Jessica Parker did for expensive shoes. And Renee Zellweger on the “Hall of Fame”? For real? But of course, the thing most people are focused on is Angelina Jolie’s absence on the list. She’s made it in past years, usually as part of the “best dressed couple” with Brad. It’s as if Angelina’s red carpet appearances in a string of shapeless, glittery sacks in various dark or neutral colors isn’t considered “high fashion”. At least designers think she’s “easy”. Shocking!

Other than that, I agree with many of the names on the list. Michelle Obama is now some kind of fashion icon, and VF points out all of the up-and-coming, or simply off-beat, designers that are getting worldwide notice because Michelle has brought their designs front and center: Isabel Toledo, Jason Wu, Thakoon Panichgul, Junya Watanabe, Maria Cornejo, Jasmin Shokrian, Hanii Y, and Prova. It’s enough to make Oscar de la Renta say something else bitchy about Michelle’s fashion!

Here’s President Barack Obama and Michelle, Anne Hathaway, Kelly Ripa, Tiki Barber, Catherine Deneuve, and Carla Bruni-Sarkozy. Images thanks to WENN.com .

Last week, Entertainment Weekly had a list of Hollywood’s smartest people. I didn’t cover it because 99% of them are executives and business folks that the majority of us haven’t heard of/don’t care about. And the other one is Ben Affleck, and I find his intelligence debatable. He dated J-Lo. Though he did leave her two days before their wedding, so I guess that shows some brain power. So while it’s great to have a smartest list, let’s be honest – what we really want to know about are the dumbest. You have to wonder – let’s say you’re at the bottom of the dumbest list – meaning you’re the smartest of the people on there. Do you think celebrities are still egocentric enough to be flattered by that? That’s like being the cutest pig at the fair. I mean sure you’re the cutest, but you’re still a pig, so there’s only so many places your life can go.

Riffing on Entertainment Weekly’s recent list of Tinseltown’s smartest people, the New York Daily News flipped the script and slapped together a list of the “Top 50 Dumbest People in Hollywood.” Top/bottom of the heap was Lindsay Lohan at number one, for lousy career choices, rampant misbehavior and bad taste in men. Hard to argue with them on any of those counts, but we’re still rooting for LiLo to smarten up now that she has sobered up.

Also predictably landing in their top five was It boy Shia LaBeouf, “honored” for that inexplicable arrest stemming from his recent nocturnal Walgreens walkabout. Let’s hope he gets it together. Both Spencer Pratt and ladylove Heidi Montag make the list, but the mister lands in the top five for…well, if you watch The Hills, there really is no reason to explain.

[From E! News]

Wondering about the top five smartest of the dumbest? Well the biggest genius is Tom Sizemore, probation violator, followed by our dear friend Joe Francis. Joe – who’s vociferously complained about the food in prison, is actually considered smarter than the next cheeseburger loving guy on the list, David Hasselhoff. The best of the worst is rounded out by Michelle Rodriguez (labeled a “public nuisance”) and Vanessa Hudgens (Disney star, nude picture poser).

You’ve got to admit, that’s a little more interesting than learning about Daniel Battsek, the president of Miramax. Sure we’re glad he’s smart and does whatever he does, but best as I can tell from my internet research, he hasn’t done jello shots off a naked male prostitute with Lindsay Lohan, so I don’t really know what else to say about him.

A surprising (at least to me) entry on the dumbest list was Jennifer Love Hewitt at number 17. After all the other people, the Daily News said something derogatory that gave you an idea as to their reasoning for calling the person dumb. My favorite was number 22, which lists “Wilmer Valderamma, actor?” Love the question mark. But nothing besides “actress” was listed for Hewitt. I’m going to assume it’s because they had some problem with her work in “Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties.” Though I can’t imagine why.

We can debate all day long about whether or not Maxim’s “Unsexiest” list was okay or not, but there’s one list that’s beyond argument: Maxim’s “Famous People Who Look Like They Smell” list. Now to be fair, it contains 16 people on it, so no doubt, there will be a few you’ll disagree about, and a couple you’ll whole-heartedly defend. But let’s be honest, the distinguished editors at Maxim are a highly professional, ethical bunch, not likely to toss people in here and there on a whim. I’m sure they had a rigorous visual screening process and some type of voting committee. With that said, here’s a few highlights of the “Famous People Who Look Like They Smell” – and what they probably smell like.

Some people just look like they release an unpleasantly pungent aroma. And when we say some people, we mean these people.

15. Flavor Flav
Probably smells like: Colt 45, crack smoke, the collective vaginas of the women from Flavor of Love, Brigitte Nielsen´s penis

13. Louie Anderson
Probably smells like: The fryer at the McDowell´s on Queens Boulevard, exposed gums, the set of Family Feud, failure

9. Amy Winehouse
Probably smells like: Pomade, high-heel blisters, some sort of cheese, Chewbacca

5. Cisco Adler
Probably smells like: Cheez Whiz, elephantiasis balls, elephantiasis balls´ sweat, doody

3. Nick Nolte
Probably smells like: Grain alcohol, GBH, pit stains, pissed pants, bad decisions

1. Andy Rooney
Probably smells like: Sex

[From Maxim]

Bravo, Maxim. Making fun of Cisco Adler’s cantaloupe-sized balls? Not that hard. Saying that bad decisions may actually have a smell? Awesomeness.

You know how people are always debating: Time or Newsweek, which is better? Okay well people are in my home, but we’re a pretty lame bunch. I think the general consensus is that Time is much better and Newsweek is Newslite. But I’ve had a subscription since I was 13. I refuse to give in, and I’m pretty sure I now have concrete evidence that the people over at Time are prissy little wusses. You know why? In honor of Halloween, they decide to print a “Top 25 Horror Movies.” So you’re thinking slashers, maybe a few thrillers, something like that? Nope. Bambi. I kid you not. They can make a bit of an argument that those old Disney movies are creepy as hell, but they can’t make any reasonably intelligent person believe Bambi is in the top 25 ever. What a load of crap.

Amazing that the first movies parents took their tots to in the 30s and 40s were the early Disney features. Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, Pinocchio, Dumbo all exploited childhood traumas. Parents disappear or die; stepmothers plot the murder of their charges; a boy skips school and turns into a donkey. Kids were so frightened by these films that they wet themselves in terror. Bambi, directed by David Hand, has a primal shock that still haunts oldsters who saw it 40, 50, 65 years ago.

[From Time]

You know it’s funny; the same writers who wrote that also keep a nightlight and a security blanket in their cubicle, just to be safe. Their bosses keep the office kitchen stocked with warm milk in case they get uppity, and often have to burp them after meals. What the hell, you babies! Look I know you work for a powerful publishing conglomerate, but you need to see a top-of-the-line psychotherapist stat. Although if you mention Maleficent, there is a slight chance I’ll wet myself. But I’m smart enough not to tell the whole internet about it. Losers.