Well, as it turns out, the British tabloids got it right. The only thing I’m going to give Madonna credit for is that she waited five days to throw M.I.A. under the bus. Just to recap, during the Super Bowl Half-Time show, Madonna performed her new (terrible) song “Give Me All Your Luv” with Nicki Minaj and M.I.A. You know exactly why Madge “collaborated” with Minaj and M.I.A. Madonna knows why she collaborated with them too. Because she’s 50-something years old and she desperately wants to be young again, and failing that, she’s trying to “borrow” the youth of performers like Nicki and M.I.A. Anyway, during the half-time show, M.I.A. slipped the bird to the camera while singing “I don’t give a sh-t…” Here’s the video again:

The British tabloids claimed that Madge was seriously pissed off at M.I.A. for basically stealing focus from her – classic Madge, right? What would Madge be if not a giant vacuum of narcissism? As it turns out, the tabloids were right – Madonna really is pissed off at M.I.A. She said so during an interview with Ryan Seacrest yesterday:

Sounds like M.I.A. made a very powerful enemy in Madonna. Backing up the pop legend alongside Nicki Minaj at last Sunday’s Super Bowl halftime show, the British/Sri Lankan rapper nearly hijacked the spectacle when she flipped her middle finger; the obscene gesture aired on live TV as over 100 million viewers watched.

But this wasn’t a provocative move planned in advance with Madonna a la her infamous VMAs kiss with Britney Spears. “I was really surprised. I didn’t know anything about it,” Madonna, 53, told Ryan Seacrest Friday during a radio chat for On Air With Ryan Seacrest. “I wasn’t happy about it.”

Explained the singer, who invited M.I.A. (real name: Mathangi Arulpragasamand) and Minaj to perform on “Gimme All Your Luvin’,” the lead single off her album MDNA: “I understand it’s punk rock and everything, but to me there was such a feeling of love and good energy, and positivity it seemed negative.”

“It’s such a teenager…irrelevant thing to do,” she sniped. “There was such a feeling of love and unity there. What was the point? It was just out of place.”

Besides, Madonna was nervous enough for her big moment without M.I.A.’s unexpected gesture. Her most stressful moments? “When my throne docked on the stage,” she said of her dramatic entrance. “Then getting my cartwheels on the bleachers right.”

By the time the 12-minute set concluded with “Like a Prayer” (with Cee Lo Green singing alongside her), “I was overwhelmed,” she said. “I started crying. I felt an incredible sense of warmth, love, and support. To see an entire stadium light up like candles it was…like a religious experience.”

[From Us Weekly]

“It’s such a teenager…irrelevant thing to do…” Is it wrong to admit that I agree with the argument Madge is making (but not WHY she is making it)? It was just a dumb, immature thing for M.I.A. to do. But that’s not why Madonna is pissed off. Madge is pissed off because A) She didn’t think of doing it first and B) Doing “teenage” things is Madonna’s game, bitch and C) No one was talking about MADONNA!!!!!!!!! Waaaaah!

Photos courtesy of WENN.

I still don’t know why people are so upset about M.I.A.’s bird-flipping at the Super Bowl Half-Time show. It was JUST a middle finger. Yes, it revealed to the world that M.I.A. is an immature person, but I don’t get the hand-wringing. One of the unfortunate side effects of the M.I.A. controversy is that it became the “topic” when discussing Madonna’s performance. People were no longer talking about how well or how badly Madge did, they were only talking about MIA’s middle finger. And Madonna won’t stand for that! She will not be ignored.

MADONNA is livid after British rapper M.I.A upstaged her at the Super Bowl by flicking a middle finger and swearing. Madonna, 53, had no idea M.I.A, 36, was going to make the obscene gesture while singing the line: “I don’t give a s***”.

The Queen of Pop had invited her on stage as a guest vocalist at the family American football event — the most watched programme in US history with 111.3 million American viewers.

A source said: “Madonna wasn’t impressed. She prides herself on professionalism. M.I.A did nothing similar in rehearsals. Nobody knew she was going to pull this stunt. Madonna wanted to put on a world-beating performance. But everyone ended up talking about this girl’s middle finger.”

M.I.A, of Mitcham, South London — famous for her hit Paper Planes — was singing on the track Give Me All Your Luvin’, off Madge’s new album MDNA at the Indianapolis show.

A source close to M.I.A — real name Mathangi Arulpragasam, blamed the finger gesture — on “adrenaline”. The source said: “She wasn’t thinking. She was caught in the moment and she’s incredibly sorry.”

M.I.A could be hit with a huge fine, because artists are said to sign a liability clause with TV network NBC.

Powerful watchdog The Parents Television Council called Sunday’s gesture the “selfish act of a desperate performer”.

Chief Tim Winter said: “M.I.A used a finger shamelessly to bring attention to herself, effectively telling an audience filled with children, ‘**** you.’ “

[From The Sun]

Ugh, it was JUST A MIDDLE FINGER. Calm down. Kids see worse crap all the time, and if I was a parent, I think I would have been more peeved with Madonna’s grandma-hip-thrusts.

In other M.I.A. news that possibly only interests me, she and her billionaire baby-daddy have split, according to the NYDN. MIA was with Benjamin Bronfman, son of Edgar Bronfman Jr., for years, and they’re now living in separate cities – she’s in London and he’s in NYC. Apparently, Benjamin is pretty much raising their son Ikhyd on his own – sources claim MIA “sometimes goes six weeks without seeing” Ikhyd.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

I’m including the highest-quality video (that I could find) of Madonna’s Super Bowl halftime performance above. Madge thinks she’s Cleopatra or something, which… sure. I mean, if you’re performing at the Super Bowl, you might as well go all out. Madge started out with “Vogue” and it didn’t sound like she was singing live, right? She went from “Vogue” into “Music”. Madonna stumbling during that song. Poor bitch, I do that all of the time.

At this point, I’m already admiring her stamina. I would have fallen over completely by this point. Anyway, after that, she was joined by the LMFAO dudes to perform “Party Rock Anthem” and “Sexy and I Know It”. She just danced there, and at various points, she just looked like an old lady I think. Anyway, after that, she did that horrible song “Give Me All Your Luvin,” with Nicki Minaj and M.I.A.

M.I.A. also gave the finger during her solo, but it didn’t go out live. I’ve grown to really dislike M.I.A., and this was just a dumb, classless move designed to steal focus. Pathetic.

Anyway, after that came Classic Madonna. I’ll sort of buy that she was actually singing for “Express Yourself” and “Like a Prayer” – because her voice sounded so much weaker during that part, right? I also liked Cee Lo Green’s inclusion – nice cross-promotion for NBC (The Voice), but they also worked well together. That was my favorite part of the show.

So, how do you think she did? I have to admit – I’m kind of impressed. I think she did well.

Oh, and here’s Kelly Clarkson singing the National Anthem. I think she did a great job, right? Her voice is so good, I don’t even mind the bangs.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Is a new Madonna video enough of an event that I should blog my reaction to each and every second of this catastrophe/masterpiece? I would do that for Lady Gaga – does Madge deserve the same treatment? I think yes. Especially when it’s her first single in a long time, and especially since Madonna’s new video for “Give Me All Your Luv” is so… interesting. Please note: It didn’t even register to me at first that “Give Me All Your Luv” was the name of Madge’s NEW single. I really just glossed over that at first, thinking Madonna had already done a song called “Give Me All Your Luv.” Doesn’t it feel like she’s already had a similar-sounding song title? Right?

Anyway, here’s the video. My thoughts are below:

0:13 – Wait, M.I.A. is in here? Is anyone else startled by a collaboration between two pop stars who know so little about international politics yet both front like they’re experts?

0:24 – Madge looks like she was about to fall down and break her hip as she came out of the doorway. Excellent trench coat too.

0:31 – MADONNA BUTT CHEEK. REPEAT: MADONNA BUTT CHEEK.

0:37 – Just noticed Madge’s glove-lets. She really hates her hands these days.

0:50 – In the part where Madge is wearing the black two-piece leotard, her hair looks great.

1:02 – I don’t get the “high school football game” imagery. Why cheerleaders? Why football players? Why is Madonna so desperate to surround herself with jailbait-y images?

1:20 – God, this song SUCKS.

1:24 – Madonna dances like she’s afraid she’s going to pop a hip too.

1:50 – Grandma hip thrust! Gross. Why all the closeup cutaways to her crotch?

2:02 – We get it, Madge. You like to be carried around by nubile young beefcake.

2:10 – OH DEAR GOD. Madonna tries the Marilyn Monroe crap again, only this time she’s looking especially drag queen-y.

2:20 – M.I.A. and Nicki Minaj are doing Marilyn too. I’m so embarrassed for both of them.

3:24 – WATCH YOUR HIP!!

3:34 – Butt cheek.

3:36 – Baby toss? Terrible. Basically, this is just awful.

Additional pics by WENN.

Madonna is loving life right now. She’s got a new album coming out, she’s performing at the Super Bowl, she just won a Golden Globe and she came out of the Elton John/David Furnish bitch-fest looking like the gracious, mature one. She’s also got little Brahim as her boyfriend and four healthy and happy kids. So it makes sense that Madge is currently doing a victory lap in the press – she’s got a new (ish) interview in Newsweek, and the same old self-centered Madge is on display. For all of her image changes, isn’t it funny that at the heart of it all, Madonna is now and has always been a narcissistic monster? Anyway, you can read the full Newsweek piece here, and here are some highlights:

Thinking about her own marriage and divorce while writing W.E.: “I’d been married 10 years when I started writing it. And I was certainly asking a kind of existential question that I think people ask when they’ve been married that long: what is the perfect love? Because when you start off, everything’s great and lovely, and the person you’ve married is flawless, and you’re flawless. Then time goes by, and you share a life, you have children, and there are cracks in the veneer. It’s not as romantic as it used to be. You think, ‘This isn’t what I thought it was going to be,’ and ‘How much am I willing to sacrifice?’” At the same time, she says, “when you get to the end of the movie, I think it’s very clear they really loved each other, and that I am a romantic and that I do believe in true love.”

On Wallis Simpson: Madonna makes it very clear that she relates to Simpson, a woman she believes was “misunderstood on a global scale.”

Madonna on thinking about her kids: “When I was making my Sex book,” she says, “I wasn’t thinking about my kids or the reaction they would have. Now I have children, so I have to think about how things like that would impact them.”

Lourdes is embarrassed: In December, while Madonna was getting ready for a screening of her movie, her 15-year-old daughter, Lourdes, walked into the room and vetoed her mom’s proposed outfit: a corset with fishnets and no pants. Madonna has since said that her daughter was right, but adds that she isn’t about to enter a nunnery at this late date either: “I’m not going to let [being a parent] completely censor me. I say to my kids all the time, I’m an artist, this is what I do, this is what I’ve always done. And they need to learn to separate it.”

Let them eat cake: Touring has become the bulk of Madonna’s business (the last tour grossed $408 million, the most ever for a solo artist) since the music industry went belly up and consumers stopped buying records. She’s not ready to talk about specific plans for this go-round, but it’s safe to assume that her ticket prices will continue to be astronomically expensive, Great Recession be damned. “So start saving your pennies now,” she says, sounding annoyed that any-one would suggest these prices are prohibitive. “People spend $300 on crazy things all the time, things like handbags. So work all year, scrape the money together, and come to my show. I’m worth it.”

Madonna understands poverty: A few years ago she got filleted for saying the Big Apple had been more fun back in the day, before it was all taken over by hedge-fund types. “It kinda was,” she says, unapologetic as ever. Consequently, she was “excited” by the Occupy Wall Street movement, for a number of reasons, not the least of which was that Sean Lennon and Rufus Wainwright did a rendition of “Material Girl” at one of the early rallies. “I thought that was cool,” she says, bringing the discussion back to her favorite subject: herself.

On Lady Gaga’s “Born This Way”: No wonder Madonna seems so un-ruffled when asked about Lady Gaga and “Born This Way,” the No. 1 song that came out last year and that many critics thought resembled Madonna’s 1989 smash “Express Yourself.” “Of course I heard it,” she says toward the end of our interview. “How could I not? I think it was on the radio a few times. I thought, ‘This is a wonderful way to redo my song.’ I recognized the chord changes, I thought it was … interesting.” And at this, she gives a little smile.

[From Newsweek via The Daily Beast]

“So work all year, scrape the money together, and come to my show. I’m worth it.” – The Gristle has spoken, peasants. Seriously, how are Madonna and Gwyneth Paltrow not speaking to each other anymore? THEY ARE THE SAME.

In addition to the Newsweek article, Madge also has a cover story with The Advocate. The piece is really, really long, and I can’t even work up the energy to properly excerpt it. Some gems I found from skimming the article:

Madge on her gay fans: “I never left them. When you’re single, you certainly have more time to socialize and hang out with your gay friends, but then you get married and you have a husband and you have children, and your husband wants you to spend time with him. I’m not married anymore, but I have four kids, and I don’t have a lot of time for socializing.” She’s been back in New York for two years, after splitting with Ritchie. “I hope nobody’s taking that personally. It certainly was not a conscious decision. As it stands, most of my friends in England are gay. But I’m back,” she says, adding reassuringly, “Never fear.”

On Lady Gaga‘s co-opt of Madonna‘s gay fanbase: “It seems genuine,” she says, also seeming genuine. “It seems natural, and I can see why she has a young gay following. I can see that they connect to her kind of not fitting into the conventional norm. I mean, she’s not Britney Spears. She’s not built like a brick sh-thouse. She seems to have had a challenging upbringing, and so I can see where she would also have that kind of connection, a symbiotic relationship with gay men.”

On criticism: “If you are threatened by me as a female or you think I’m doing too much or saying too much or being too much of a provocateur, then no matter how great of a song I write or how amazing of a film I make, you’re not going to allow yourself to enjoy it, because you’re going to be too entrenched in being angry with me or putting me in my place or punishing me.”

[From The Advocate]

You can read the full Advocate piece here – I’d say it’s worth a skim if you enjoy reading “Me me me I I I me Me, my, MEEEEE!” for several minutes.

Oh, and here’s Madge’s MDNA album cover – I like it!

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Amazingly, Madonna’s 24 year-old boyfriend, French dancer Brahim Zaibat, (“Jailbait” to many of you) has given an exclusive interview to OK! Magazine. The fact that he’s speaking so openly, along with some of the things he says, makes me think that he and Madonna are over and that he’s cashing in when he can. English is Brahim’s second language, though, and maybe he’s just phrasing things oddly and isn’t really hinting that he’s no longer hitting the gristle. Here’s his interview, and OK! has an exclusive photo of him and everything. He’s really hot looking with piercing brown eyes.

“Hi, how are you?” Those were the first, spellbinding words exchanged between Madonna and her 24 year-old breakdancer boyfriend, Brahim Zaibat – or so Brahim tells OK! in an exclusive interview. The Frenchman met the Material Girl last September at the launch of her ready-to-wear line – and was not especially overwhelmed.

“She was just a woman almost like the others,” Brahim recalls. “An exceptional artist and world-famous, of course, but a woman first. I was just happy to meet her. But not particularly stressed!”

Indeed, Brahim isn’t even a huge fan of Madonna’s musical canon. He wasn’t a gleam in his parents’ eyes when the 53-year-old icon’s first monster hit, “Like a Virgin,” rocked the music world.

“It is not the kind of music I [prioritize] in my iPoad,” he tells OK! “But like everyone else, I know her hit songs.”

The couple is, however, bonded by a mutual devotion to dance.

“Madonna has always been passionate about it,” Brahim says. “Her childhood dream was to become a dancer. It gives us one more thing in common.”

Of course, having such a high profile girlfriend can transform someone’s life overnight. But Brahim insists he’s still the same person he always was.

“I will not say [the romance] is going too fast, but things take their course,” the breakdancer tells OK!.

“Basically, my life has not changed much, and I’ve stayed the same,” adds Brahim, who admits that he has always had a way with the ladies.

“When I was younger, I had a number of female conquests,” he says. “The dance helped me a lot.”

But Brahim says his art means more to him than anything else.

“I am a dancer first,” Brahim declares, adding, “I have not yet shown the world the extent of my talent.”

[From OK! Magazine, print edition, February 6, 2012]

He sounds like a total douche, right? “I had a number of female conquests. I have not yet shown the world the extent of my talent.” Then again Madonna isn’t keeping him around for his conversational skills and sparkling personality. His comment that “Things take their course” make it sound like these two are already broken up, but Brahim attended the W.E. premiere earlier this week, so probably not. At least Madonna kept him away from the red carpet. She doesn’t give her lovers much of the spotlight or make them stars like Clooney does. Madonna is going to whip his ass and take away his allowance for talking out of turn. It almost sounds like he’s disrespecting her here, but she probably likes a little insolence so she can hit back hard and keep her young lovers in line.

Brahim is shown in August with Madonna and in July and September, 2011. Credit: FameFlynet and PacificCoastNews

When I first saw this hideous gown that Madonna wore at last night’s NYC premiere of W.E., my first thought was that she had probably picked out the ugliest thing she could find from Dior or something. Turns out, Madonna is wearing Marchesa. Of course. I should have recognized the ice-skater fugness. I guess it makes sense because Harvey Weinstein is really trying to make W.E. happen in a big way, and by association, he’s trying to make Madonna-as-Director happen in a big way. Thus, Madge wears Harvey’s wife’s hideous designs. But at this point, doesn’t it seem like Georgina Chapman is just trying to make the worst gowns possible, just to see who will go along with wearing them?

As for Madonna’s face… rough. In the past few months, I’ve kept saying that Madonna looks better, that her chicken cutlet cheek implants have finally settled, that she doesn’t look so crazy anymore. I take it all back. She still looks crazy.

Photos courtesy of WENN, Fame.

Elton John lost the Golden Globe for “Best Song” to Madonna. And dear God, was he pissed, as was his husband, David Furnish. While Elton simply let his bitchface do the talking, David Furnish went on a rampage regarding Madge’s win – he gave quotes to media outlets (“Did Madonna get the Golden Globe because she attended the awards and agreed be a presenter? The award should have gone to Mary J. Blige or Elton. I like Madonna’s music, but not her movies. She should stick to what she is good at.”) and then he took to Facebook to blast Madge – “Madonna. Best song???? F**k off!!! Madonna winning Best Original Song truly shows how these awards have nothing to do with merit. Her acceptance speech was embarrassing in its narcissism…”

So, it was ugly. And Madonna kept her head up, surprisingly enough, and simply told the press that she hoped she and Elton weren’t fighting (again). Well, now that several days have passed, David Furnish has finally decided to bury the hatchet. Except he’s blaming all of us for blowing his words out of proportion. Yes, because WE are the ones with issues.

David Furnish has described his and Elton John’s spat with Madonna over the Golden Globes as “a tempest in a teapot.”

After blasting Madge as “desperate” and “narcissistic” after she beat Elton for Best Original Song, a not fully apologetic Furnish wrote on Facebook, “Wow! What a tempest in a teapot. My comments regarding the Golden Globes have been blown way out of proportion. My passion for our film ‘Gnomeo & Juliet’ and belief in Elton’s song really got my emotional juices going. But I must say for the record that I do believe Madonna is a great artist, and that Elton and I wish her all the best for next week’s premiere of the film ‘W.E.’ ”

[From Page Six]

Yeah, right. I wonder why David is changing his tune so suddenly? Did Madonna call Elton and tell him to get a grip? Did Elton realize that David probably wasn’t helping his (Elton’s) Oscar campaign? Or did David – who is 49 years old – realize he was acting like a gigantic baby? Let me clear – I think Madonna’s Globe win was terrible and undeserved too, and I think Madge deserves a lot of scorn for a lot of stuff, but really, does it matter? Madonna doesn’t matter anymore, and by picking a fight with her, it just makes her seem more sympathetic and professional (by comparison).

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Alright, as I’m sure you’ve already heard, Elton John and Madonna are back to bitch-fighting. I think they hated each other for several years, and then made up, but Madonna’s win at the Golden Globes just heated everything up all over again, and Elton’s husband David Furnish has even gotten into the mix. So… I’m going to do this in chronological order.

*Madonna, Elton John and Mary J. Blige were up against each other for “Best Song” at the Globes. When asked about Madonna’s chances on the Globes red carpet, Elton said Madge had “no f–king chance of winning.”

*Madonna wins Best Song. I’m just including video of the whole mess below – note the camera pan to Elton’s bitchface during Madge’s speech. Note Madge’s weird accent. Note how many times she uses “me, I, or my.”

*Elton was so obviously unhappy with the turn of events that Madonna had to take questions about Elton backstage, when she talked to the press. (Incidentally, Mary J. Blige was shooting eye-daggers at Madge too, but no one is discussing that). When asked about Elton, she said, “I hope he speaks to me for the next couple of years. He’s been known to get mad at me so I don’t know. He’s brilliant and I adore him so he’ll win another award. I don’t feel bad!”

*Chronologically, David then went to the Globes after-parties with Elton, and David was telling every reporter he could find about his Madonna-hatred. He told Page Six, “I think it was a fluke . . . When this happens you have to question the integrity of the awards. Did Madonna get the Golden Globe because she attended the awards and agreed be a presenter? Can you sing Madonna’s song? Can you hum it? It’s a song nobody has heard, from a film few have seen. The award should have gone to Mary J. Blige or Elton. I like Madonna’s music, but not her movies. She should stick to what she is good at.” A source close to Madonna tells Page Six, “W.E. has not officially opened . . . so [it is] accurate that many people haven’t seen it yet. There was no deal made about an award for her attending.”

*David then went into a Facebook rant after the Globes. He wrote: “Madonna. Best song???? F**k off!!! Madonna winning Best Original Song truly shows how these awards have nothing to do with merit. Her acceptance speech was embarrassing in its narcissism… And her criticism of Gaga shows how desperate she really is.” David was referring to Madge’s 20/20 interview, where she said Gaga was “reductive.”

So… that’s the bitch-fight. It seems like David is the one who is really pissed off, but you know Elton is the bitchy puppet-master. As for the legitimacy of Madonna’s win – look, it’s the Golden Globes. I just don’t believe any of the awards are really that scientific. And I have to say… even though Madonna’s victory and acceptance speech was really depressing, she’s the one acting like a professional. Elton and David are acting like gigantic babies.

Photos courtesy of Fame.

Contained in this post are two women that I feel are the best and worst dressed of the Golden Globes. Not THE worst and best, but definitely two distinct ends of the spectrum., and they actually had some similarities (in color mostly). First up, Madonna in Reem Acra. It was just… bad. The fit was wrong, the bodice seemed like it was a different dress then the skirt, the little cap sleeves were horrid, and Madonna’s styling was awful with the scraggily hair and little fingerless gloves. It was just awful. It was even more awful that she actually won too – that’s the kind of award that validates her exercise in historical revisionism, that validates her ego as a “director”. Ugh. I was just disgusted with the whole thing. But I’ll say something nice: her arms look less gristly. And her face looks better.

Next up, one of my best-dressed of the evening, Evan Rachel Wood. I love her style and her styling. Evan CARES. She puts thought into her red carpet looks, and she has a good eye and she knows what looks good on her body, and all of that shows. Rachel’s dress is Gucci – she’s the face of Gucci. The dress is amazing in itself, and it’s especially great on her. ERW was there because she was nominated for Mildred Pierce – she lost, though. Too bad.

Photos courtesy of WENN.