Yesterday Madonna’s rep Liz Rosenberg said that claims her client was trying to adopt a baby girl from Malawi were untrue. British paper The Sun reported that they had confirmed with Malawian officials that Madonna’s adoption of a three year-old girl, Mercy James, is almost complete and that her people have been visiting the toddler. The Sun has had a few exclusives about the state of Madonna’s marriage and I’m inclined to believe this report. Rosenberg says it’s not true, though:

“I don’t know how official the Malawian offical [sic] can be because there are no plans for Madonna to adopt another child from Malawi,” Rosenberg told the Daily News. “She is getting ready to start her tour in l0 days.”

[From The Daily News]

Madonna’s rep denied last adoption a week before
On October 4, 2006, Rosenberg said that her client was in Malawi “building an orphanage and child care center” and helping Aids orphans. Rosenberg said at the time “She has not adopted a baby despite reports that she has.”

Technically, Rosenberg’s comment was true, because Madonna didn’t illegally take 1/2 orphan Davie Banda out of Malawi until a few days later. She had just ended her Confessions tour a month before.

Maybe we can trust what Madonna’s rep says this time because she doesn’t say “she has not adopted a baby,” which would be true until she actually did adopt a baby - she said she has no plans to adopt one and is going on tour soon. Her tour ends at the end of November, and if a little girl suddenly appears around that time maybe Rosenberg thinks we’ll assume Madonna changed her mind. She certainly did after her last adoption denial.

Madonna said she wanted to adopt a girl
A month after she adopted Davie, Madonna is quoted as telling French Magazine Paris Match that she wanted to adopt again:

“Yes, absolutely. I’m going to adopt another Malawian child very quickly. A baby girl this time, in order to redress the balance.” [From NY Post]

Madonna’s adoption of Davie was considered controversial because she sidestepped Malawian law which requires foreigners to reside in the country for a year before adopting a child. Her adoption was eventually approved by officials. If she adopts another child from Malawi it would again be in violation of the laws of the country.
Madonna had been less than truthful about David
Madonna said she saved Davie “from certain death,” and that he suffered terrible diaper rash when she found him in the orphanage in Malawi, a claim orphanage officials deny. She also said Davie’s mother died of AIDS, which his father says is false and hurtful.

Madonna said that she would make sure Davie “after some time… can get to know his biological father and.. discover his homeland.” In a subsequent visit to Malawi in April of 2007 she canceled a scheduled meeting at the last minute between Davie and his dad. Davie’s father Yohane Banda regularly biked 23 miles to visit him at the orphanage where he left him after Davie’s mother died and he could not afford milk.

Davie’s grandmother recently passed at the age of 60 after succumbing to pneumonia. A month before she died, she said her wish was to see Davie again and have him meet his 1/2 brother.

Madonna has raised at least $2 million to fund her Raising Malawi project, which aims to provide support for orphans in the poverty-striken nation. The charity is run by Madonna and Michael Berg, the co-director of the Kabbalah cult.

David Banda is shown in the header in the header on 7/25/08 outside the Kabbalah Center. Credit: WENN. He is also shown with an unidentified woman, probably a nanny on 8/1/08. Credit: Fame

After rumors floated around for the last few years that Madonna is trying to adopt another child, it appears that it could be coming true. The Sun – which has had a lot of Madonna exclusives that have turned out to be correct – claims that Madonna and husband Guy Ritchie have resumed their attempts to adopt three-year-old Mercy James from Malawi.

Malawi has an incredibly challenging adoption process for foreigners, and according to The Sun that stress contributed to Madonna’s marital troubles, which is why she and Guy originally stopped working towards the adoption four months ago.

But officials yesterday confirmed the star has resumed her adoption bid — which pals say proves their marriage is back on track. Malawian adoption minister Penstone Kilembe said: “Madonna’s representatives have been visiting the girl. The adoption is now advanced — all the government is waiting for is Madonna to forward the petition of adoption formalities. Then Mercy will be able to leave the country for a new life.”

Pals of Madonna, who turns 50 on Saturday, say she is keen to have a sister for her adopted Malawian son David Banda, three — and feels her marriage is again strong enough to cope. A close family friend revealed: “The adoption process in Malawi is so long and stressful that all the legal wrangling put a huge strain on their marriage. They dropped proceedings to pour all their energies into each other. But Madonna now feels they are stable enough to press ahead with the adoption again.”

The friend said Madge “fell in love” with Mercy when they met at her orphanage last year. However, the girl’s gran Lucy Chekechiwa, 60, said she has been asked repeatedly by officials if Mercy could be adopted by an “unidentified foreign family” — but was firmly against it.

Speaking from her village in Zomba District, Lucy said: “… Twice I have told the adoption people that I do not want Mercy to go outside the country. But they keep on at us. Now they say that Mercy will be leaving us, but can return at age 18. Yet I might not be alive then.”

[From The Sun]

The Sun says that Madonna’s last attempt at adopting Mercy was halted when her uncle blocked their adoption application.

Nearly two years ago Madonna tried to adopt another Malawian girl named Jessica Kondanani. That didn’t end up happening, but Madge has basically “cut in line” in front of other people that were following all of Malawi’s strict adoption rules and were trying to give homes to kids she’s wanted. Mercy’s grandmother not wanting her to leave the country probably won’t be enough to stop Madonna. Though I really doubt her marriage is in such a solid state that she should be adding to her family.

Here’s Madonna braving a New York City downpour to get to the Kabbalah Center on August 2nd. Images thanks to Fame.

Madonna’s brother Christopher Ciccone’s’ “unauthorized” biography, Life With My Sister Madonna, certainly came at a convenient time for the pop star, even if she was said to object to its content. Madonna’s “Sticky and Sweet” tour starts later this summer and people are saying Madonna must be behind it since she’ll stop at nothing to get any kind of press. It isn’t that much of a logical leap considering how she’s managed her career to date. Recently she’s been accused of capitalizing on her cult-loving friendship with Alex Rodriguez to fuel affair rumors. She issued a statement that people are so easily fooled by the supposedly fake stories about their affair while she’s said to be lapping up the coverage behind the scenes.

Christopher’s book doesn’t paint a compassionate picture of the powerhouse diva, but Page Six says that doesn’t matter to her - they claim she made sure that it was acceptable before it went to publication and that she underwrote passages herself:

MADONNA is truly the master of media manipulation. “The supposed scandal about [her brother] Christopher Ciccone’s book is bull[bleep],” an insider told Page Six. “She actually ghost-wrote parts of it with him, the way Princess Diana helped Andrew Morton write his book on her. That’s why there’s nothing too devastating in Chris’s book. He’s mean to others, but not so much to his sister.” In addition, Madge, now frighteningly rail thin, exploited Alex Rodriguez. “She flirted with him and manipulated him,” our source declared. “She didn’t count on wife Cynthia leaving him and naming her in the divorce, though.” Madonna is using the buzz over her relationship with A-Rod to her benefit. “She’s ordered three A-Rod Yankee jerseys she’ll wear in the finale of her upcoming shows. All of this was created to sell tickets for her tour, which hasn’t been selling so well.” A rep for Madonna didn’t return calls.

[From Page Six]

The NY Post is far from reliable and it’s possible they’re just basing this story on an educated guesses that people are making considering the book’s timing. I am inclined to believe that Madonna really isn’t behind the biography at all and that she’s pissed off at Chris. He came off as completely honest about it in interviews and the details he revealed about her were not flattering to her. He said she only gives their grandmother $500 a month, that she uses Kabbalah like a weapon, and that he’s not talking to her anymore. It’s possible he’s as much of a master manipulator as his sister, though, and that he’s not revealing that they worked together on the book in exchange for a boatload of money. Or maybe they did have a falling out and she contributed some parts of the book but doesn’t agree with everything that’s in there. As it is we’re giving Madonna far too much attention by even speculating on this crap.

Madonna is shown out at the Kabbalah Centre on Saturday. That’s Sabbath day in Judaism and she’s wearing a freaking jogging suit and high heeled sneakers to church. Credit: WENN

Last week we reported on a story that Madonna’s health was suffering from the stress of her “emotional affair” with Alex Rodriguez and the resulting fallout on her marriage.

The gossip has really been insane – partly because of the novelty factor (who the hell knew Madonna and A-Rod even knew each other?), how many people it ended up involving, and the way it managed to span at least three countries. You can argue whether or not Madge brought it on herself, but it seems pretty clear that she’s suffering from a good deal of stress as a result.

Madonna left the Kabbalah Center in New York City on Friday night looking “tired” as WENN kindly put it – and “looking borderline human,” as TMZ less charitably phrased it. Though I’m going to have to admit that TMZ’s description seems a little more accurate.

My first reaction was wondering if Madonna got terrible plastic surgery because her cheekbones are so prominent. But she’s been consistently photographed for the last several ways, so that’s nearly impossible. Looking at her closely, it seems pretty clear that Madge has lost some weight – nearly all of it in her face.

Considering she’s always been such a health freak and certainly didn’t need to lose a pound, I’m guessing it’s stress weight. Here’s Madonna Friday night. Photographer: Michael Carpenter. Images thanks to WENN.

Carlos Leon, father of Madonna’s oldest child Lourdes, says that his daughter has been reading in the tabloids about her mom’s marital problems with stepdad Guy Ritchie and the “affair of the heart” with NY Yankee Alex Rodriguez. The 11-year-old has been “traumatized” by the reports and Carlos has been spending a lot of time with her to see her though the ordeal.

Madonna’s daughter, Lourdes, has been left traumatized by the lurid tabloid claims about the pop star’s marriage to Guy Ritchie, according to the 11-year-old’s father Carlos Leon.

Recent reports have suggested Madonna is splitting from director Ritchie and having an affair with baseball star Alex Rodriguez.

The Material Girl has been in the headlines every day, and it’s having an adverse affect on Lourdes.

New York-based fitness trainer Leon has been spending extra time with his daughter, as Madonna prepares for her forthcoming world tour, and he is showering her with affection to compensate for her distress.

Leon tells People magazine, “She’s aware of it, and that’s difficult. I just give her more love. Her mother is there for her, Guy is there for her.”

And he insists there is no truth to the reports Madonna and Ritchie are splitting: “People have marital problems all the time.”

[From People via SFGate.com]

Whether the rumors are true or not- and I believe they are- this situation has to be tough on all the children, especially Lourdes. Especially when even her own uncle, Christopher, is jumping in on the Madonna-bashing bandwagon. It’s easy to hate on Madonna- but her kids don’t deserve to be sucked into the media whirlwind. As the oldest, she is probably more aware of what’s going on than her younger brothers, and she does seem very mature for her age. If mom and stepdad are having troubles, it’s certainly not going to be lost on her. It’s nice that she has a close relationship with her father so she gets the support she needs.

Picture Note by JayBird: Here’s Lourdes with her dad Carlos Leon in New York City on July 8th. Images thanks to Fame.

Poor Madonna. Seriously, poor, poor Madonna. The woman has it rough. Bad things keep happening to her lately, and she clearly has nothing to do with them or any control over it. Her life is just in one of those “sometimes bad things happen for no reason” places right now. Madge isn’t feeling so hot lately, due to the stress of probably cheating on her husband with a married man, breaking up his marriage, and nearly losing her own. Who would have thought that wouldn’t make you feel like a good person?

Madonna’s physical and mental health are suffering as a result, and she’s at one of the lowest places in her life, according to friends.

…for the first time, despite her incredible fitness regime, her health has started to suffer. Doctors discovered Madge is anaemic, a surefire sign she is overdoing it, and she also suffered a painful knee injury. Madge has had a doctor, physiotherapist and a chiropractor on duty during rehearsals for her forthcoming Sticky & Sweet world tour. This week medical experts ordered her to take her foot off the pedal on the punishing dance routines because her body simply cannot cope.

Madge’s meltdown follows some testing times in her personal life. A source in her camp said: “Madonna is doing less than OK. She has been rehearsing for the tour and she is totally miserable… She’s down physically and mentally. The situation with Guy is very, very tense. The way the press are going crazy with the A-Rod story, her brother’s book and her physical exhaustion are all taking their toll.

“She feels nobody has taken her side. One of her closest pals says she has never seen Madonna so low. She has been feeling low and looking really gaunt. Madonna was told to go soft on work and rehearsals, so she will now take one proper day off every week and go easy in the mornings. She has a blood analysis done every few days — including one during last Friday’s rehearsal in front of everyone.”

[From The Sun]

She feels nobody has taken her side? Did she really expect people to? I realize no one can really know the details of a marriage except the two people in it… but come on. How much empathy did she expect people to feel? In some respects I dislike her more because she broke up someone else’s marriage, but her own seems to (technically) still be together, which seems pretty damn unfair. I doubt it’ll hold for long, but it still grates on my nerves.

According to The Sun, Madge is relaxing/recuperating in the Hamptons at BFF Gwyneth Paltrow’s home. Perhaps she can use some of her Kabbalah magical wisdom to look deep insider herself and take a little responsibility, instead of being annoyed with everyone else for not showing her the proper amount of sympathy.

Here’s Madonna arriving at the Kabbalah Centre in New York on Saturday. Photographer: Michael Carpenter. Images thanks to WENN.

Alex Rodriguez threw an All Star party last night at Jay-Z’s 40/40 club, but none of his Yankee teammates bothered to show. He was there with his mother, who is coincidentally named Lourdes, (which also happens to be Madonna’s daughter’s name), and his manager, Guy Oseary. Oseary also reps Madonna and is rumored to have fueled the adultery rumors in order to drum up publicity for both of his clients. Also by Rodriguez’s side was Ingrid Casares, an old friend of Madonnas who has told the press she’s bisexual and that she falls in love “with someone’s soul,” which for her is “not gender-specific.” The NY Post hints that Casares might be having a fling with Rodriguez, because she was seen leaving his apartment the next afternoon. Maybe they’re just friends.

Rodriguez’s fellow Yankees are said to be fed up at all the press he’s getting for his “affair of the heart” with Madonna, which partially explains the snub of his party. There were also plenty of other All Star parties to attend that night. Shortstop Derek Jeter had a competing party at another NY club which drew more Yankees. Jeter is dating Mika Kelly and is not as much of a recent tabloid target.

Throughout the night there was buzz at A-Rod’s party that Madonna was about to grace the crowd with her presence at any moment. She failed to haul her tiny ass out of the Kabbalah pew long enough in order to do a favor for the fellow convert who’s kept her name in the papers:

ALEX Rodriguez’s teammates must wish they could divorce him too. “He’s become a huge distraction with the Madonna fiasco,” a source told Page Six. “It’s always all about him.” That explains why none of his fellow Yankees went to the All-Star bash he hosted at Jay-Z’s 40/40 Club Monday night.

Instead, his mommy, Lourdes, and his new best friends, Guy Oseary and Ingrid Casares, were by his side in a corner booth as he threw back shots. And Casares was then spotted leaving A-Rod’s Park Avenue pad yesterday afternoon.

Reps from Berk Communications, who’d slapped Madonna’s name on their tip sheet for the event, kept insisting she was on her way, but she never showed. Instead, A-Rod was entertained by big-busted hotties who shimmied to Material Girl tunes and desperately tried to make eye contact with him.

[From TheNY Post]

The Post has more gossip from the All Star parties, and say Shaquille O’Neal was beckoning various brunettes be brought over to him at Tao. He just sat there and would point a woman out to his security guy to bring over for him. The guy runs around a court for a living and can’t be bothered to get up in order to scope out the prospects.

I’m surprised Madonna didn’t show up to Alex’s party. Yesterday The Post reported that she was “loving” all the attention she’s been getting for her rumored non-affair with Rodriguez and that she was planning on attending the All Star game with their mutual manager Oseary. Instead she didn’t go, and she didn’t come to his party either. I wonder if Ritchie talked some sense into her.

Alex Rodriguez is shown in the All Star Parade yesterday. Credit: PNP/WENN. Header image by Mark Dye / PR Photos. Ingrid Casares is shown on 5/16/07. Credit: Janet Mayer / PR Photos

Madonna’s brother Christopher Ciccone was on Good Morning America again today to promote his book Life with My Sister Madonna, and damned if he isn’t making it seem like a juicy read. He’s really dishing the dirt, no matter his motivations for this book.

The segment started out with him saying “I didn’t set about to knock her off her pedestal, I set about to push a nice little staircase up, help her walk back down to earth with the rest of us.”

Madonna’s “Cinderella Childhood” is a myth:
Chris says Madonna grew up in a middle class home and that it’s not true
that she went to NY knowing no one with just $35 in her pocket.

Deborah Roberts “The Madonna that you see now, does she resemble that girl that you knew so many years ago, that you grew up with?”

Christopher Ciccone: “Not after the face lift… yeah in some ways. I think ultimately she’s a lonely person. Unfortunately it truly is lonely at the top.”

DR: “Would you say Madonna was mostly good to you over the years, or was it a double edged sword?”

CC: “It was a double edged sword… where there was a gift there was also a slap, so it balanced itself out in some ways, but in the end I had to step back.”

Madonna rolling on our mother’s grave in “Truth or Dare” was a turning point
Deborah Roberts explains that Chris refused to be filmed at their mother’s grave for the “Truth or Dare” documentary. He claims that Madonna invited him there and that he was suprised she brought a camera crew along. He says that was when something changed for him.

“If you’ve seen the ‘Truth or Dare’ movie when she’s rolling around on my
mother’s grave. That was a turning point for me and my relationship with her. I kept it inside, but I thought to myself ‘There are no boundaries there. My mother has now become a bit player in her life story,’ and it hurt me.”

Madonna was cheap and stiffed our grandmother
“I wanted [Madonna] to look after her. To get her a driver and a car. She’s 97 right now. It seemed like the easiest thing to do… she gave her $500 a month and pays for her medical bills. ”

On his financial motivation for the book
“I’m happy to get paid for my work, so I don’t have a problem with that. I’m also happy to get paid for the first time what I think I’m worth.”

DR: “Did you get paid handsomely? Seven figures?”
CC: “I’m not unhappy with it. ”

On Madonna’s reaction to his book
“I know that her reaction… she went to the worst place. That I was going to discuss private medical matters, that I was going to tear her apart. She was very upset and since I wasn’t responding to her she was calling my father and trying to get him to chose sides, which I thought was a bit on the low side.”

DR: “Do you think she’ll speak to you again after this book?”

CC: “I think so, I hope so… I don’t want to talk to her unless we’re speaking to each other as equals… if she stays together with her husband and that means we don’t have a relationship, that’s cool with me…

“What I’m suggesting is that Guy’s attitude… and her attitude towards me needs to change… I’d like to get to know my niece and nephew better, I’d like to meet David. My parents still haven’t met him.”

Chris says “I love my sister… it will take some time for us to find our
way back to a good place. I’m not sure when or if that will happen.”

This guy sure knows how to give a good interview and I bet this book will be a best seller. I know I want to read it now, because you can tell he’s not afraid to say how it is.

Madonna’s brother Christopher Ciccone was on Good Morning America this morning to promote his new unauthorized biography of the pop star called Life with My Sister Madonna. He was asked if he believes the story that Madonna was cheating on her husband and broke up Alex Rodriguez’s marriage, and he said it’s probably not true.

Says he doesn’t think Madonna cheated with A-Rod
Deborah Roberts: “Do you think your sister came between [Alex and Cynthia Rodriguez]?”
Chris: “I think it’s highly unlikely…
“First of all, despite everything else she’s still a Catholic girl, and I don’t think - Although, he is kind of her type so it’s difficult to say.”

DR: “So what happened between her and Alex Rodriguez, do you think?
CC: “I think that he was interested in Kabbalah, to be honest, and I don’t think… I know Alex from Miami, we’ve met a number of times. I doubt this is actually an affair.”

Not very many brothers find themselves wiping their sister’s naked body.
Then Christopher talked about how he used to be super close and live with Madonna and it was kind of creepy. He said that “it was like a marriage,” and that he used to even dress her when she was touring.

“Not very many brothers find themselves on their knees, in their sister’s dressing room, wiping sweat off of her naked body. It was an odd situation. I couldn’t really tell my friends, but I wanted to be there for her.”

He said they were living in the same house after Madonna and that they used to run together and “We had our sourdough toast together. We had our coffee together. We were very close. It was a bit like a marriage.”

Guy Ritchie came between us. I wasn’t about to sleep with her.
When asked what happened to their relationship, he said “Guy Ritchie pretty much happened to our relationship, for the most part…

“The best way to get to my sister is to get in bed with her. Since I wasn’t doing that - I wasn’t about to. The last person to speak to her at night has the most influence. We both couldn’t exist in the same hemisphere.. not to mention his issues with homosexuality.”

Christopher said Guy Ritchie has problems with gay people and with him, and that his friends made rude references to gay people in their toasts at his wedding to Madonna.

He said that the book is not an attempt to get revenge at anyone. He also claims Madonna is likely to hold on to her relationship with Guy and she’s not one to walk away.

Kaballah validated my sister’s bad behavior, she uses it like a weapon
Chris said he’s no longer a follower of Kabbalah but that he did follow it for a while. He said he was “blackmailed” into it, because Madonna owed him a payment on a house he designed for it, and that she said she would only pay him if he went to a Kabbalah class. He said it did find it helpful at the time and he needed to “take another look at myself.”

DR: “Has Kabbalah made your sister a better person?”
CC: “I suppose on some levels. Kabbalah in many ways has validated some of her bad behavior. Now it’s her way or no one’s way because she’s got God on her side… she has a tendency to use it like a weapon. I think that’s not what they quite intended.”

DR: “Are you saying she’s controlling and she uses Kabbalah to help her control?”
CC: “Controlling is a perfect word for it, and right now, in her life, there are three things she can’t control. She’s turning 50, her husband, and me and this book. That’s enough for anything who lives that kind of choreographed mythological life.”

Good Morning America will have more with Christopher Ciccone tomorrow including details of their childhood. Given all the dirt he’s dishing this book sounds pretty good. It’s also rather telling that he’s acting like Madonna was more to him than just his sister. He said he couldn’t tell his friends about their relationship and that it was “like a marriage.” He definitely has an axe to grind and is acting like a jilted lover.

The Daily Mail has an extract of the new Madonna book, written by her brother Christopher. The book titled Life with my Sister Madonna depicts their childhood together and ends early in her marriage with Guy Ritchie, as the siblings ceased to be close friends.

One of the most interesting extracts was the part where Chritsopher talks about Madonna’s arrival in New York, and the legend that she turned up with $35 and talent, not knowing anyone in the city.

After all, she is a middle-class girl who propagates the story that she landed in Times Square with just a pair of ballet shoes and $35 to her name. But that’s pure mythology and the further she progresses, the more mythological her life story becomes.

Although our father wasn’t really allowed to tell us about his job because it was top-secret, he worked in the defence industry in Detroit, designing firing systems and laser optics, first at Chrysler Defense and then at General Dynamics.

Far from being this lost and friendless little waif who didn’t even have a crust of dry bread to eat, when Madonna went to New York she had money in her pocket, plenty of contacts and a support system all in place. I often wonder whether her taste for self-invention explains her attraction to both Sean and Guy.

Throughout the extract Christopher tries to suggest that Guy hates him because he is homophobic, but when he describes their first meeting I think it might be because Christopher treated him dismissively, not expecting his relationship with Madonna to last.

On Millennium Eve we (Christopher and Guy) are both at Donatella Versace’s party at Casa Casuarina, her Miami mansion.

Guy is friendly to me and seems like a nice guy. He is conventionally dressed in a white shirt and dark-blue trousers and jacket, and I warm to him. He is personable and respectful and seems as if he might be fun to hang out with. Nonetheless, I tell myself that I doubt he’ll outlast Madonna’s usual two-year relationship cycle.

We have cocktails at Donatella’s table, along with Rupert Everett and Gwyneth Paltrow, and later move on to the VIP room of a new club.

It’s now four in the morning. I pull Gwyneth on to the dance floor. Madonna is dancing on the table. Gwyneth joins her and they dance together. In the middle of the dance, Madonna grabs Gwyneth and kisses her full on the mouth. It’s that sort of a night.

My friend Dan has brought a 19-year-old boy to the party with him. Madonna, in a knee-length pink chiffon Versace dress, is on the dance floor, dancing with a group of people. We all look good together, and we know it.

Suddenly the boy squeezes up to Madonna. He edges between us, puts his arms around her, and they dance a slow dance close together. Within an instant, Guy strides across the dance floor. He kicks the boy in the leg to get his attention and drags him away. Then he swings his fist at him. I push Guy back and yank the boy out of the room.

The moment passes. The dancing restarts. I’m on the dance floor with Gwyneth again. Suddenly I sense someone coming up behind me.

Guy grabs me from behind and starts bouncing me up and down like a rag doll.

‘Put me down!’ I demand. I extract myself from his grip, shove him up against the wall and grind my hips right into him.

‘If you want to dance with me, this is how we dance here,’ I say grimly. He flushes and pushes me off. I walk away. I don’t give Guy another thought.

Christopher also complains that Madonna blackmailed him into coming to her wedding by not paying him for interior design work.

In a note with my wedding invitation, she says she is inviting ‘my close friends and family members that are not insane to the wedding at Skibo Castle’ in the Scottish Highlands, adding: ‘We will be married by a vicar in the Church of England because Catholics are a pain and GR doesn’t want to convert and besides I’m a divorcee.’

I am not keen to attend the wedding because I really can’t afford it. Moreover, I no longer have any affinity for Guy.

But Madonna owes me the final payment for the interior design work I did on one of her houses and when I call to make my apologies, her assistant tells me the debt will be paid in the form of a ticket to Scotland, with the rest of the money sent separately.

I spend a few days mulling over the situation. I feel I don’t know this person who is attempting to blackmail me into attending her wedding. So I capitulate. I’m told I will fly to London a week before the wedding, be fitted for a tuxedo and the following morning fly to Inverness, a 45-minute drive from Skibo Castle.

I don’t think it is unreasonable for Madonna to ask him to come to her wedding, particularly since he is her brother. I’m a bit surprised if he was short on cash she didn’t pay for the ticket, but you don’t get super-rich doing stuff like that now, do you?

When he gets to Scotland he tries on the rented tuxedo, and gets the staff to dump the fee on Guy’s bill. He then gets driven at Madonna’s expense to the venue for her wedding, where he refuses to give over his credit card for incidental costs like room service and tells the receptionist to put it on Madonna’s bill, saying he can’t forgive her for her ‘bullying’ attitude.

He also complains about the accommodation (oh, I had to stay in a turret in a castle? Boo hoo!) and points out that Madonna’s Maid of Honor Stella McCartney designed her dress and gave it to her for free.

He then doesn’t eat the food and demands something else besides traditional Scottish food, and gives a nasty wedding toast at the rehearsal dinner, after one of Guy Ritchie’s friends uses the word ‘poofter’ in his toast.

Madonna stands up at the top of the table and issues the instruction: ‘Christopher, tonight it’s your turn to give the toast.’

I lean down the baronial table and, with great emphasis, reply: ‘Madonna, you really don’t want me to do that.’ It’s a statement, not a question.

‘No, Christopher, it’s your turn!’ she barks in a tone identical to the one she always used as a kid when she and my siblings all played Monopoly together.

If she didn’t get Park Place [Mayfair in the English version] she invariably stamped her feet and said: ‘But it’s mine.’ In those days, in the face of her strong will, I always capitulated and rescinded my purchase of Park Place.

Nothing seems to have changed. I stand up. My fellow guests fall silent out of respect - the brother of the bride is about to make a speech. I raise my glass: ‘I’d like to toast this happy moment that comes only twice in a person’s lifetime.’

Then, without skipping a beat, I go on: ‘And if anybody wants to **** Guy, he’ll be in my room later.’
Everyone erupts in laughter. Everyone, of course, except Madonna, who keeps saying: ‘What did he mean?’

You can read the whole extract in the Daily Mail.

Finally, we also find out what caused the siblings to end their close relationship. Christopher overcharged Madonna for a lamp he bought for a home he was decorating for her, calling it a standard designer’s mark-up, and when she finds out she gets angry and says he is trying to rip her off.

While Madonna might be a control freak, and this does seem to be the general opinion of her, Christopher seems to feel that she has given up her own personality and family to be guy’s wife. And with a brother who says that ‘Every ounce of talent you have, you have sucked dry from me and the people around you’ why wouldn’t you cleave to your husband?

Madonna is shown out getting coffee on Saturday and outside the Kabbalah centre. Credit: Michael Carpenter / WENN. Guy Ritchie is shown out in NY, also on Saturday 7/12. Credit: Anthony Dixon / WENN. Christopher Ciccone is shown in an image circa May, 2007 from blogs.planetout.com