Madonna knows what she’s good at, and now she plans to stick to it. The super-fit geriatric Jewish queen of pop can’t act for shit and she’s finally admitted it:

By saying it’s already “dead in the water,” she may have been making a sneaky reference to that terrible film that doomed her husband’s career, “Swept Away.” People say her films suck not because she’s in them, but because they’ve actually seen them and she can’t act. Her acting is wooden and forced, and that’s smart of her to stick with what she knows – writhing around on stage and pissing off the Christians.

Here’s Madonna in concert in Rome on August 6th. Looks like the pope missed a fabulous show. [via]

Someone please stop Madonna before she’s damned to hell. She’s using the same old tired “offend all the Christians” gimmick to generate controversy over her geriatric tour. She refused to take the hanging on a cross bit out of her show for the televised version of her concert, and she also declined to take it out when she plays Rome right near the Vatican. Now she’s upped the ante a bit by inviting the creepy Pope himself to her show:

That’s so stupid! Madonna can’t stand being out of the spotlight for five minutes, and she has to offend everyone who isn’t a member of her crazy cult religion.

I’m not religious at all, but I just think that’s ridiculous. Madonna can put all the sexy bits in that she wants, but why does she have to mess with religious symbolism so blatantly?

Yeah sure, Madonna, the Pope’s going to be impressed by your tribute to “humanity.” Give me a break.

If someone told me Madonna was going to pull the tired hanging on the cross routine for her latest tour, I wouldn’t have believed them. So while it may seem really stupid of Madonna to try to tie her fading star to two hot young singers at the MTV music awards again, it sounds like something she would do. She’s persistent in her blind/blonde ambition, and she tends to beat dead horses and expect people to pay to watch, which they do.

She’s said to now want to “pass her energy” onto Lindsay Lohan and Jessica Simpson in an S&M number that probably borrows from her stupid “Confessions” tour. I bet it will have an equestrian theme, too:

The source is The Sun, which makes it seem like fake news, but you never know with Madonna. It could be true now that Madonna is converting Lohan to Kabbalah.

Please, Madonna, retire already. You look more like a cartoon character than a pop star, and you were right at home on stage at the Grammys with Gorillaz. You should devote your life to converting people to your sham cult and quit performing. Maybe you’ll hook gullible Jessica Simpson into Kabbalah too. She’s surely in need of some spiritual guidance.

Here is Madonna with her daughter Lourdes outside of the NY Kabbalah center on 6/30. Lindsay Lohan is shown shopping at Tower Records on 7/7 and in Malibu on 7/6. [via]. There are also some low-res candids of Jessica Simpson arriving at LA airport with her bodyguard. [via]

Having failed to convert Britney Spears to Kabbalah, Madonna is trying to bring Lindsay Lohan into the fold. Lohan is in need of some spiritual guidance in between all of her exhausting bed hopping, and
admitted to being interested in the cult back in March:

Now that Lohan has stuck her little toe into the expensive Kabbalah tap water, Madonna has renamed her in an attempt to prime her for full-on indoctrination:

(From In Touch print edition, July 10, 2006.)

People who stay in cults are so gullible. (There’s no shame in getting caught up in a cult or being born into one. Staying active in one for years by your own will and trying to convert other people is another thing.) Madonna may think she’s the queen of pop music, but she’s giving all her cash to some shysters in exchange for their bubble-gum insight and a sense of superiority. It may feed her smug attitude, but maybe she’ll realize at some point what’s going on and feel like the fool she is.

If you don’t think Kabbalah is a cult, read cult expert Rick Ross’ articles on it. Kabbalah and its founder, Philip Berg, have ruined lives and ripped off thousands of people. Lohan is about to be next. She loves spending money, and she’s about to get a chance to throw some down the dark hole of manufactured spiritual enlightenment.

Here’s a link to a good overview of the characteristics and techniques of cults. It’s not just about losing money. A lot of families, friends, and personal identities get washed out too.

Here is Madonna with her daughter, Lourdes, in NY on 6/27, [via] and Lindsay Lohan at the opening of club Social Hollywood also on 6/27. [via]

Madonna is wearing blue slippers in these pics, and she’s not wearing her wedding ring.

The new Jessica Simpson song, “A Public Affair” is so strikingly similar to Madonna’s “Holiday” that it’s surprising it’s not a remake. TMZ has both songs available for a comparison:

My husband thought it was “Holiday” when he heard the Jessica Simpson song, and it’s amazing that someone thought they could get away with such a blatant rip off. I’m not blaming Jessica because she probably just does what people tell her to do.

Maybe Simpson’s producers will pull the song or choose another to use as the first single off her new album.

She is in dire need of advice and has been letting her best friend and hairdresser Ken spend too much time on Eva Longoria’s hair. The poor girl has major roots in these pictures at the launch of the Sidekick 3 on 6/20. She’s also wearing an unflattering dress, and if she was still married someone (probably us) would be calling her pregnant.

Pictures [via]

Maddona is pissed off at Britney because she showed some sense for once and rejected the money pit Kabbalah cult.

A few years ago I was dating this uber-hot but kind of slow guy. I had misgivings about him, but it was when I found out he was involved with Amway I realized I had to bolt.

Cult members are compelled to convert everyone they know. It’s the ultimate insult to tell them that you’re not interested in their “religion.”

Madonna tried to tie her fading star to Britney a few years ago, and was flattering herself by thinking she could mold the pop star in her own crazy image. Now Madonna may have a semblance of a career back while all Britney has is her very public misery, but at least Britney didn’t get sucked into a cult. Madonna thinks she has all the answers, but she leans on Kabbalah like a crutch while they get rich off her gullibility. Let’s hope Britney gets her life on track soon. There are no quick fixes to enlightenment, but standing up for yourself and finding your own way is a good start.

As is typical for Madonna, she did a bunch of crazy shit at the kick off for her Confessions Tour yesterday in Inglewood, California.

Madonna can’t top her younger, hotter self, and she obviously can’t stand the thought of retiring and enjoying her vast wealth out of the spotlight. She’s still in top form, but this smacks of desperation. She could do a great performance without gyrating on a horse’s saddle, pretending to be a dominatrix and deliberately provoking Christians. We don’t go to church and have little respect for organized religion, but why is Madonna still trying to get headlines this way? This is a tired ploy that she wore out in 1989 with the “Like a Prayer” video.

Here she is writhing on the saddle:

And here are pictures of her performance. Thanks to MadonnaOnline.com.br for the disco crucifix pictures.

Madonna performed at Coachella in Indio, California this weekend, which drew a record 60,000 people. This music festival also featured performances by Kanye West, Depeche Mode, Massive Attack, and Tool. It was Madonna’s first appearance at the festival.

Madonna came on twenty minutes late, angering fans, and only played six songs, but the crowd is said to have loved it:

Here’s a fan video from the show, in which Madonna asks the crowd if she should take her pants off during the intro to “Everybody.”

And here are pictures of Madonna’s brief show. It does look like she gave it her all.

Madonna, 47, is supposedly trying for another baby with her husband of five years, Guy Ritchie, 37. Madonna has a five year-old son with Richie and a nine year-old daughter from a different father:

Last month, Madonna was said to have put Ritchie on a curfew and tried to curtail his drinking. Ritchie’s father confirmed that the couple was having trouble, when he said in a statement last week that they were going through a “bumpy period” and that “the children… will keep them together.”

Guy will be going on a month-long extreme sports vacation with his friends next month and Madonna will be on tour soon, so they won’t have much more time to try.

In related news Madonna will piss off plenty of Christians in her new tour. She’s going to use a huge Swarovski-studded disco-fied crucifix as a central stage decoration.

So Kabbalah is ahead in the battle of the celebrity-favorite cults this week. Cult News reports that illiterate Victoria Beckham has been wearing a red string on her left hand, the Kaballah talisman that supposed to ward off the evil eye. (A red string on the right hand is a symbol of anorexic pride, and given Posh’s stick-thin figure and low level of intelligence, it is possible that she simply confused the two.) This means that she may have picked Madonna’s cult Kaballah over Tom Cruise’s cult Scientology, which she was supposed to be considering based on her friendship with Katie Holmes.

[via]

Cindy Adams reports in The NY Post that Lindsay Lohan is also wearing a red string. We pointed out that she had a Kaballah string on at the GM fashion show at the beginning of March. It is indeed not a one-time thing and she mentions to Adams that’s she’s clinging to anything in order to get some sanity:

There are much healthier, safer things to get you through the day Lindsay. Exercise, music, even an occasional drink for one. You’re better off with a hangover and some embarassing pictures than getting involved with the Kabbalah cult.

In terms of Posh’s choice, she may have picked the lesser of two very real evils.