Ooh, I love when all of the new photos from a film festival start rolling in. Here are some pics from today’s Venice Film Festival photo call for W.E. That’s the Madonna-directed film about Wallis Simpson and Edward (the Prince of Wales, King Edward VIII and then the Duke of Windsor). I wish there were better photos of my crush James D’Arcy, but maybe some will come in later. For now, I guess the photographers are just enchanted with Madonna’s appearance at the film festival. You can see Abbie Cornish there – she’s the one hugging Madge. Abbie plays the “modern” character, obsessed with the Duke and Duchess of Windsor.

She’s not going to take off those sunglasses, is she? Shall we talk about how she looks? Considering all of you are yelling at me about Kate Winslet, maybe we should skip the ongoing discussion about whether or not Madonna’s chicken-cutlet cheek implants are working out, or whether Madge is trying out some new lip injections. Cough.

I can’t wait to see what the reception for this film will be – from critics and from audiences. I’ve seen some stuff about how Madonna didn’t take out Wallis and Edward’s Nazi sympathies, but I still fear some major historical revisionism. But! I’d be willing to bet that the acting is probably pretty good. Speaking of, I’ve been waiting for an excuse to post some of the Vanity Fair photos from the Madonna-styled, W.E.-themed photo shoot. Andrea Riseborough stars as Wallis, and she looks gorgeous – the real Wallis wasn’t this attractive, but she was this stylish. As for James D’Arcy… I love him so much. Such an unusual face, so tall, so sexy. For more photos, go to Vanity Fair’s slideshow here.

Photos courtesy of WENN, Vanity Fair.

Last November, we first heard about Madonna’s latest incredibly young boyfriend, 24-year-old Brahim Zaibat, whose last name hilariously reminded CB of “jailbait”. To add to the already absurd situation, Brahim’s mommy made it known that she’s not at all thrilled about her son banging someone who is 28 years older than he is. Other than that, we don’t know much about Brahim because Madonna tends to keep him slightly underwraps, often taking great care to leave restaurants and clubs several steps away from him or through an altogether different exit. Also, Brahim is supposedly a French break dancer. WTF? Most people haven’t legitimately engaged in break dancing since the 1980s, which might actually be one reason (besides his youth) why Madge likes this guy. He takes her back three decades in more ways than one!

Anyway, Fame Pictures alleges that Madonna and Brahim had a brief break-up in May, but they are obviously quite together at this point. Madonna’s even allowing him to intentionally appear in the same photo frame as herself. It must be love, right? Well, the happy couple recently celebrated Madge’s 53rd birthday in the Hamptons with Madonna’s four kids and entourage in tow. There’s even a really gross picture of of Brahim grabbing Madonna’s butt right in front of Mercy and David; and just below, here’s the whole group returning home from that trip:

Poor Brahim looks like Madonna’s latest adopted child, doesn’t he? Really, I should be nicer than that because, according to The Enquirer, Madge is completely smitten with this guy and is thinking of marrying him. Here we go again:

At just 24, Madonna’s boyfriend, Brahim Zaibat, is closer in age to her children than to the Material Girl herself. But that hasn’t stopped the 53-year-old from telling friends that she’s head over heels in love and wants the world to know.

“She’s proud of Brahim and sees no reason to keep their relationship on the down-low,” an insider reveals. “After nearly a year together, she wants to acknowledge him as her boyfriend.”

For someone Brahim’s age, that might bean merely updating his Facebook relationship status. But Madonna chose to pack on the PDA. “They celebrated her [Aug. 16] birthday in the Hamptons and they acted like giddy teenagers,” says the pal.

While Brahim isn’t her first fling with a boy toy, Madonna is gushing that no one else has made her feels so complete. “She never acted this way before,” the friend says. “She is genuinely smitten. She says she hasn’t felt this kind of passion since she was in her twenties!”

The French dancer has even become part of Madonna’s family, winning over her youngest children, David, 5, and Mercy, 5. “Madonna is amazed by how quickly the kids have bonded with Brahim. They adore him!”

Another key ingredient in their romance is Brahim’s own strong will. “He isn’t deferential toward her and could care less about their fame,” says the friend. “He treats her like a woman, not a celebrity.”

Despite a 29-year age difference, Madonna believes her boyfriend is an old soul. “She says Brahim is like someone she met in another lifetime,” explains the firend. “Everything between them just clicks.”

“The way things are going, no one would be surprised if she announced an engagement,” revealed a pal. “Brahim wants to make an honest woman of her.”

[From Enquirer, print edition, September 5, 2011]

Uh, I honestly think that, at this point, it’s a little bit late “to make an honest woman” out of Madonna. If Brahim really said that, then he must not know her nearly as well as he thinks that he does. Still, who knows? Maybe this guy will be Lucky Husband #3, but probably not. As soon as he turns 25-years-old, Madge will probably toss him over in favor of an eager replacement. And I wonder what Lourdes thinks of her mother dating guys that are barely older than she is? Eh, she’s probably used to all the weird.

Photos courtesy of Pacific Coast News, Fame, WENN

What does Madonna love more than anything else? She loves herself, for sure, but I think “money” and “gristly-body obsession-fanaticism” is right up there with self-love. So it was love at first sight when Madge met Tracy Anderson, the fraud “trainer” who made Madonna into the piece of gristle she is today. A few years ago, Madonna and Tracy split up, and I always assumed the whole thing was over money. Tracy wanted to open gyms and trade on her association with Madonna, and Madge balked. Now Tracy is in business with Gwyneth Paltrow, who coincidentally is no longer BFFs with Madge. Anyway, this Star Mag story is kind of a blast from the past, but I want to buy it just because this completely comports with the image I have of Madonna: a 50-something woman terrified of aging, who will pay any amount of money to look younger, who will fly into a rage at the mere mention of cellulite.

Madonna is turning 53 in August, and she’s so obsessed with maintaining a youthful appearance, she’s purchased a Cellupulse anti-cellulite acoustic wave therapy machine for $75,000, according to a member of the superstar’s inner circle. Madge uses the machine twice a week and faithfully record her thigh measurements to make sure she’s on target and “flips out if it increases by as little as one quarter of an inch.”

Madge is so fixated on her cellulite that it has destroyed her relationship with her longtime exercise guru, Tracy Anderson.

“Tracy grew to dread the early-morning phone calls from Madonna ranting about what a useless trainer she was,” according to one of Tracy’s pals. “Madonna would threaten to fire her, and Tracy had to talk her down each time.”

Tracy’s not the only casualty of Madonna’s body image obsession. “The measuring and ranting used to drive her ex-husband crazy,” reports the insider. “Guy Ritchie would mock her and joke that he noticed a few new dimples, which he thought was tremendously funny, but she obviously didn’t.”

The insider continues: “Madonna wants the body of an 18-year-old dancer and believes she can maintain her youth if she works hard enough in her gym, which is covered from floor to ceiling with mirrors. She scrutinizes her body in every position, looking for fat like an FBI detective.”

Madonna has also vowed to eliminate anyone who doesn’t respect her exercise regimen from her home and her life.

“Those wishing to stay in her good graces have learned to stay mum on the subject, especially her young male companions.”

[From Star Magazine, print edition]

Don’t you want to think of Madonna like this? Obsessively measuring her cellulite in her completely mirrored room, agonizing over the measurements for hours and then finally rage-calling Tracy to vent? That is totally how I picture her.

Re: the “young male companions” – does anyone else get the feeling that Madge isn’t even having sex with these young guys? I got that feeling when she was with Jesus Luz, and now that she’s doing the on-again-whatever with Brahim, I just think Madge is like Hugh Hefner at this point. She keeps all of the young, fresh meat around her to make herself feel better, like she’s young again, and so she can have something pretty to look at.

Photos courtesy of WENN & Fame.

Suddenly, Madonna is everywhere and everyone is talking about her. These are some new photos of Madge in Paris, where she was flea market shopping and hanging out with Brahim, her young lover who has surprising staying power, it seems, because they’re still together, despite gossip to the contrary. But little Brahim isn’t why people are talking about Madge – they’re discussing her second directorial effort, W.E., the film that Madge not only directed, but researched and wrote, all about Wallis Simpson and King Edward VIII. I covered various parts regarding the project last year – Madonna couldn’t get the cast she wanted, and Madonna herself gave a quote about how she didn’t believe Edward and Wallis were Nazi sympathizers (which is a historical fact, not a theory).

Anyway, according to critic Roger Friedman, W.E. is actually… good. He hasn’t actually seen the film, though, so his piece reads partially like an industry-heavy fluff piece:

Well, I may have to eat my hat. The inside word from The Weinstein Company is that Madonna’s effort as a movie director, “W.E.,” is really really good. Gregg Kilday is reporting that the Weinstein Company has bought the rights to Madonna’s movie. Now I’ve called some people I know–not Harvey or Bob–and they’ve told me the story. They bought the movie outright–no one else saw it. Madonna showed it to TWC first probably because Harvey Weinstein released her “Truth or Dare” twenty years ago. And the people who saw “W.E.,” including Harvey and Bob, loved it.

My first question: does it have any reference to the Duke and Duchess of Windsor as Nazi sympathizers? I am told it’s at least mentioned. But this is also what was said: “It’s a smart and thoughtful and incredibly stylish. A performance by Andrea Riseborough that’s Oscar worthy. I don’t know how the f— she [Madonna] did it. It’s an art picture, there’s no question about it. It’s a picture for women. Bob and Harvey really loved it.

This is a lot like Tom Ford’s directing of A Single Man. We were impressed with her.

Everyone’s been talking about her in house for two weeks. She’s gotten it all up there on the screen. It’s hard to tell a good story. She managed to do it.”

My sources say this is all really true. They even say that they know there will be skepticism, but that once people see “W.E.,” they’ll get it.

I know, this is insane. People who read this column probably think I’ve been abducted by aliens. I can only go by what I’m told, though. And if “W.E.” is really so good, I’ll be the first to say it. The sales price, by the way, is said to be less than $5 million. More likely in the $4 million range.

[From Showbiz 411]

Sounds interesting, right? Not so fast. How is it possible that Madonna, a brilliant pop artist and business woman, and one of the worst actresses in the world suddenly a great writer-director? It has to be a fiction, right? Well, there’s another take on the situation – you can read the full story at the Mail, but the highlights are below. Basically, there are just as many sources saying that W.E. is a mess, that Madge still sucks, and that the historical revisionism of the Nazi-sympathies of Wallis and Edward are blatant and disgusting:

…The bad news for Madonna is that the buzz from a top secret test screening in New York last week is not entirely positive. I’m told that the film doesn’t make much sense – and looks more like a Chanel perfume advertisement than an £18 million movie ought to. Harvey Weinstein — who has bought the distribution rights — was observed looking ‘thunderous’ and ‘sour’ as the preview audience marked their scores on approval index cards. He is in the process of re-editing the film to try to make it more commercially viable, and says that it won’t be ready to show to critics ‘for several months’. The opinions of the New Yorkers who saw the film will be taken into account as he seeks to give Madonna a rare hit in the movie business. He is known as Harvey Scissorhands for his love of cutting films to make them more commercial. As he said in an interview: ‘I’m not cutting for fun, I’m cutting for the s*** to work.’

Madonna, now 52, whose control freakery is legendary, must be hating this part of the process. But, it seems, the film needs it.

‘It’s not a complete embarrassment for Madonna, and some of the sequences are spectacular, but some key elements are never explained,’ said my source at the screening last week. ‘It’s all about a woman, Wally, who is obsessed with Wallis Simpson, but we never find out why she cares about her in the first place. The script is really very so-so. It tries to suggest that Wallis Simpson gave up a lot to be with Edward in 1936, particularly her chance to have children, but the idea is never developed. It’s all about the surface and the styling. There’s no real narrative, and no heart.’

Another source, who saw the film at an early screening for potential distributors this spring in Berlin, said more simply that it was ‘just terrible’.

It’s a labour of love for Madonna, who has said that she is obsessed by the subject of the love affair between Edward VIII and Wallis Simpson. She began researching the project while she and Guy Ritchie were still married, and he is supposed to have given her some advice in the early stages. She asked surviving friends and associates of Simpson, including socialite Nicky Haslam, to help her with information about her. Her chief collaborator, though, was Alek Keshishian, a long-standing friend who was behind the camera in the documentary In Bed With Madonna. The two wrote the script together. The film stars Australian actress Abbie Cornish as a New Yorker who becomes fascinated by an auction of the possessions of the Duchess of Windsor, as Wallis Simpson became known.

Mrs Simpson is played by Andrea Riseborough and Edward by James D’Arcy. James Fox plays George V and his son Laurence plays Bertie, Edward’s younger brother (later George VI).

Production values on the £18 million film are high, with clothes made by Galliano and Issa and jewellery recreated by Cartier. The source who saw the film in New York says: ‘The cinematography is spectacular, as is the production design. On further reflection I have to say the movie seems to be way too preoccupied by props and set decoration — martini shakers, glasses, snifters, desks, furnishings of all kinds. There is certainly more style than substance, but you know people have such low expectations of Madonna that the critics might give her a pass and it might work in her favour.’

[From The Daily Mail]

The Mail goes on to list all of the problems that happened during production – an experienced producer and an experienced casting director quit on Madge after a few weeks, and complained in the press about her lack of collaboration or delegating on the film. Several actors pulled out of the film at various stages of preproduction – Margo Stilley, Ewan McGregor, and Vera Farmiga amongst them. W.E. was supposed to be ready for the Cannes Film Festival in May, but is now headed for a Fall release. I can’t say that I’m really looking forward to seeing it, but the promotional tour should be a hoot. I imagine Madonna will be acting like she’s the greatest AUTEUR in the world, and she’ll expect people to fall at her feet with gratitude for the historical rewrite on Wallis Simpson.

Photos courtesy of Pacific Coast News and WENN.

Just days after a report came out in NY Magazine detailing the many ways that the founders of the Kabbalah cult were living large while screwing their congregationalists (metaphorically I guess), comes news that they’re under investigation for tax evasion. Madonna’s Raising Malawi charity, which is closely tied to Kabbalah, recently scrapped plans to build a $15 million school in Malawi and there are rumors of financial misdoing. Raising Malawi, The Kabbalah Centre, and several others Kabbalah-based charities have been named in a subpoena by the IRS as the subject of a grand jury probe.

The Kabbalah Centre, the Los Angeles-based spiritual organization that mingles ancient Jewish mysticism with the glamour of its celebrity devotees, is the focus of a federal tax evasion investigation probing, among other things, the finances of two charities connected to Madonna, the center’s most famous adherent.

Sources familiar with the investigation said the criminal division of the IRS is looking into whether nonprofit funds were used for the personal enrichment of the Berg family, which has controlled the Kabbalah Centre for more than four decades, a period in which it expanded from one school of a little-known strain of Judaism to a global brand with A-list followers like Ashton Kutcher and Gwyneth Paltrow and assets that may top $260 million.

Those cooperating with the IRS include representatives of one of Madonna’s charities, Raising Malawi. The nonprofit is named in subpoenas as a subject of the grand jury probe alongside the Bergs and Kabbalah Centre organizations despite having cut its ties with the center this spring.

“We have tried to provide as much information as we can as quickly as possible to the people who are investigating and are very actively cooperating in every way we can,” said Trevor Neilson of Global Philanthropy Group, a consulting firm now managing Raising Malawi.

In a statement in response to questions about the probe, the Kabbalah Centre acknowledged that it and one of its charities, Spirituality for Kids, “have received subpoenas from the government concerning tax-related issues.”

“The Centre and SFK intend to work closely with the IRS and the government, and are in the process of providing responsive information to the subpoenas,” according to the statement.

The IRS and the U.S. Attorney’s office in New York declined to comment. People with knowledge of the investigation said it began last year and is playing out on two coasts. A federal grand jury in Manhattan, where the Kabbalah Centre has a large branch and real estate holdings, is gathering evidence there, according to the subpoenas. Meanwhile, in Los Angeles, where the center is headquartered on Robertson Boulevard, a team of IRS agents dispatched from the agency’s New York criminal division is interviewing people connected to the organization, said individuals familiar with the agents’ activities.

Among the items that investigators have reviewed, according to one source, is an August 2010 email in which a former chief financial officer of the center complained that he had been fired for pointing out financial improprieties and warned that the center was in danger of “committing suicide.”

Former CFO: Income tax fraud… I have little choice… but to bring down the entire Kabbalah Centre
“I recently uncovered instances of income tax fraud at the Kabbalah Centre — instances which could bankrupt several of the directors involved … this is very serious business,” the former CFO, Nicholas Vakkur, wrote in an email that circulated among high-level officials at the center. “I have little choice but to cooperate with the IRS and bring down the entire Kabbalah Centre,” Vakkur wrote, adding a plea that “someone in authority” try to “reason” with center Chief Executive Karen Berg.

[From The La Times]

The article goes on to say that The Spirituality for Kids Kabbalah-based charity is also being investigated. Madonna was the chairwoman of the board on that charity and donated $600,000 of her own money. She put $11 million into Raising Malawi with hardly any results. Do you think she’ll cut ties with Kabbalah now that they’re under the gun? Madonna throws people under the bus when they make her look bad, so I’m just waiting for some kind of statement from her distancing herself from the organization and stating that she had no idea about any wrongdoing.

This just makes me wonder how Scientology has avoided tax evasion charges in the US up until now, and I believe the answer is intimidation and litigation. Still, this is definitely a start.

Meanwhile, Madonna, 54, and her latest 24 year-old boytoy, Brahim Zaibat (pronounced “Jailbait”) have split up, reportedly over religion. Zaibat is Muslim and Madonna of course belongs to a mystical Jewish-based cult. I would speculate that maybe Zaibat refused to get circumcised for Madonna, but from what I can find male circumcision is common among Muslims. So he had that going for him.

Madonna is shown on 5/2 and 2/27/11. Credit: WENN.com

Here’s a weird (disturbing) fact that the Daily Mail found buried in a long piece in NY Magazine about Madonna’s involvement in the Kabbalah cult. The NY Magazine story centers on the cult’s sketchy business practices. We’ve already heard that millions have gone missing from Madonna’s Kabbalah-based charity, Raising Malawi, and that plans to build a school there had to be scrapped. The piece goes further into that, exposing the rock star lifestyle of the Kabbalah founders and how multiple charity projects they’ve started have gone bad. There are some wonderfully bitchy observations from the journalist, Vanessa Grigoriadis. She notes that Madonna is the queen in Kabbalah and never mixes with the other congregationalists and that her belief system matches nicely with the cult. This quote is my favorite “These thoughts resonated with Madonna, who has, traditionally, been more interested in power than almost any other pop star.”

Anyway the real meat of the story is in this quote from Kabbalah co-founder Karen Berg about how Madonna had Guy Ritchie circumcised:

Karen has even noted that Madonna “keeps a kosher home, she observes Shabbat, she circumcised her son and had her [ex-] husband circumcised.” (Yes, you read the last part correctly.) ­

[From NY Mag]

I’m married to a German guy, and once men get to that age (probably once they notice) it’s not a simple prospect to get circumcised. I asked my husband for a quote in regards to this story and he said “f$#& that, no f$#&ing way” and added “that is ridiculous.” He insisted I quote him like that too. So is this the ultimate example of being p-whipped, getting circumcised for your wife? (We can’t forget that Swept Away movie, that was a close second.) I wonder if Ritchie ever regrets it. This isn’t about a baby getting circumcised, this is a full grown man who is used to the way things are.

These photos are from 2007 and 2008. Credit: WENN

Yesterday, when I was covering the fashion for the Met Gala, I noted that both Madonna and Gwyneth Paltrow were wearing Stella McCartney dresses. I actually like Madge’s dress more – I thought it suited her, it softened her, it was flattering and a lovely color for her. I disliked Gwyneth’s dress because it looked like dated, budget Michael Kors. I also noted that considering Gwyneth and Madonna are no longer BFFs, the fact that they both showed up in Stella gowns probably caused some controversy. Lainey noted it too – and she thought that Gwyneth and Stella (and Kate Hudson, Rashida Jones and others) were hanging out at the gala and mean-girling Madge. All of it sounds like a potential powder-keg of Bitches Being Bitches. So… how did Madge retaliate? She told reporters that she felt fat! GASP.

Even the Material Girl feels less than perfect sometimes.

At the Met Gala in New York on Monday night, Madonna confessed to reporters that she wasn’t thrilled with the way she looked.

“I feel fat in my dress,” she said.

The 52-year-old mother of four looked extremely fit in her blue Stella McCartney dress. She paired the gown with Sergio Rossi heels and Cartier jewelry.

The chiseled star, famous for her macrobiotic diet and intense workout regime, even opened a Hard Candy gym in Mexico City and has plans to expand the franchise to more than ten locations worldwide.

[From Us Weekly]

Do you think Madge honestly felt fat, or do you think this was a cut at Stella McCartney? That’s how I read it, honestly. This is Madge NOT defending the woman who designed her dress. This is Madge telling the world, “Stella McCartney does not make me feel beautiful.” Which, in another leap says “Stella isn’t as good a designer as she thinks.” Or, “Stella makes women look fat = Gwyneth looks fat.” DOUBLE GASP!!!

Or it could totally be that Madge just has extreme body image issues. Thus, The Gristle. Thus, whenever she’s not dressed up in Lola’s clothes, she feels “fat.”

Oh, and I still want to know exactly what happened between Madge and Goop. I think it started because of Tracy Anderson, but I don’t think it’s about Tracy anymore.

By the way, Stella McCartney really isn’t all that. Look at what she made for herself.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

OH SNAP. You know how Madonna and Gwyneth Paltrow are no longer BFFS, after an alleged falling-out over… God knows. Something to do with fraud trainer Tracy Anderson, and maybe Kabbalah. Maybe Goop, maybe it’s just that too snotty bitch divas can’t get along forever. Anyway, THE SCANDAL: Madonna wore Stella McCartney, JUST LIKE GWYNETH. And guess what? I think Madonna got the prettier Stella dress. Right?

So… yeah, I think Madonna looks kind of great here. Her face work (twerk) is under control and she doesn’t look like someone just jammed a pair of two-big chicken cutlets into her cheeks. The hair is decent. And the dress is rather beautiful and (GASP) age-appropriate. Madge never wears anything age-appropriate, so seeing her all covered up and feminine, with her gristle and her thighs of doom under wraps is all rather… lovely.

I LOVE THE TRAIN. So pretty. I love the glittery stars. I love that Madonna surprised me by looking put together and pretty. Oh, Madge’s date was her manager – Guy Oseary. He’s cute. I think he’s dating Bridget Moynahan.

So… do you think Gwyneth was pissed that Madge showed up in Stella too? And that Madge got the prettier dress while Gwyneth was stuck with some circa 1999 Michael Kors reject? I wonder if they even spoke to each other at the event.

Photos courtesy of WENN & Fame.

Lady Gaga just pulled an Aniston! She used the word “retarded.” What’s worse is that I almost lost the significance of that as I was reading the transcript of her coked-out rant. The basic gist of it: Lady Gaga was doing an interview with NME, and she was asked about her blatant hijacking of Madonna’s songs, vibe and modus operandi. Gaga’s reply? “That’s retarded.” And then she just coke-ranted:

Long lauded for her civil rights work in the LGBT community, Lady Gaga just dropped the “R word.”

When NME asked the 25-year-old star whether she thought “Born This Way” was a knock-off of Madonna’s “Express Yourself,” the singer (real name: Stefani Germanotta) was outraged. “I’m a songwriter. I’ve written loads of music. Why would I try to put out a song and think I’m getting one over on everybody? That’s retarded.”

She raged on: “What a completely ridiculous thing to even question me about… If you put the songs next to each other, side by side, the only similarities are the chord progression. It’s the same one that’s been in disco music for the last 50 years. Just because I’m the first f***ing artist in 25 years to think of putting it on Top 40 radio, it doesn’t mean I’m a plagiarist, it means that I’m f***ing smart. Sorry.”

When Jennifer Aniston used the word “retard” in a Live! With Regis and Kelly interview in August, Peter Berns, CEO of The Arc (a nonprofit advocacy group for those with intellectual and developmental disabilities), told Us Weekly her usage of the term was “extraordinarily offensive and inappropriate.”

“Frankly, someone in her position ought to know better,” Berns said of Aniston, 42. “She is using language that is offensive to a large segment of the population in this country… Even if [the word] wasn’t intended to insult them, that is the effect of it.”

Other celebs, including Lindsay Lohan and Howard Stern, have been blasted for their use of the “R word” as well.

Kirsten Seckler, spokeswoman for the Special Olympics, told Us that stars may want to use the word “ridiculous” instead. She added: “Think before you speak, especially when you’re making fun of yourself or others.”

[From Us Weekly]

Should Gaga apologize? Sure. But no one will buy Gaga’s apology unless it involves the words “I admit to copying Madonna” and “cocaine binge” and “Luc made me.”

Since I no longer want to get involved with Gaga’s coke rages, I’d like to tell you another story about my mother’s gay cat, Charlie. I talked about him in one of the last Gaga posts – I had to remind my mom that Charlie was “born this way.” Anyway, one of my mom’s other cats, Daisy, is a huge, aggressive girl cat, and she’s homophobic. She beats the crap out of Charlie regularly, and he spends most of his days hiding in the closet. “Appropriate, isn’t it?” my mother asked.

Gaga photos courtesy of NME & Bazaar.

For years, Madonna’s “charity” Raising Malawi has been mired in fraud, lies and simple bad business. Madonna has long been accused of using the “charity” as a front for Kabbalah, for exploiting Malawians, for wasting resources and for wasting everybody’s time. While it’s no secret that millions of dollars raised by the charity (at a high-profile fundraiser that brought out many of Madonna’s friends) have gone missing, nor is new information that Madonna assembled a crack team of con artists and grifters to “run” the charity. Back in January, Madonna even announced that her planned $15 million Kabbalah girls’ school had been scrapped, and since then, everything has been in a holding pattern. Now the New York Times has a new detailed report on everything that’s gone wrong – you can read the full piece here. It’s an interesting read about how a hyper-narcissistic celebrity was too oblivious, corrupt, stupid or inept to follow through on any single charitable promise she made, but merely showed up for the photo-ops.

A high-profile charitable foundation set up to build a school for impoverished girls in Malawi, founded by the singer Madonna and fellow devotees of a prominent Jewish mysticism movement, has collapsed after spending $3.8 million on a project that never came to fruition.

The board of directors of the organization, Raising Malawi, has been ousted and replaced by a caretaker board, including Madonna and her manager, officials with the organization said Thursday. Its executive director, who is the boyfriend of Madonna’s former trainer, Tracy Anderson, left in October amid criticism of his management style and cost overruns for the school. These included what auditors described as outlandish expenditures on salaries, cars, office space and a golf course membership, free housing and a car and driver for the school’s director.

Most strikingly, the plans to build a $15 million school for about 400 girls in the poor southeastern African country of 15 million — which had drawn financial support from Hollywood and society circles, as well as the Los Angeles-based Kabbalah Centre International, an organization devoted to Jewish mysticism — have been officially abandoned.

That prospective move set off a fierce backlash when first raised earlier this year, with Malawi officials saying they were stunned and asserting that Madonna was blaming management breakdowns because she had been unable to raise the money she had promised.

“A thoughtful decision has been made to discontinue plans for the Raising Malawi Academy for Girls, as it was originally conceived,” Michael Berg, a co-director of the Kabbalah Centre and the co-founder of Raising Malawi, said Thursday in an e-mail to the center’s members who had contributed to the project. The e-mail announced the replacement of the board of directors.

Madonna has lent her name, reputation and $11 million of her money to the organization that she founded with Mr. Berg. She has been a regular visitor to Malawi, attending at least two ceremonies at what would have been the site of the school in Lilongwe, and has adopted two children from the country.

On Thursday, in conceding the shortcomings of her charity, Madonna issued a statement saying she was still intent on using the organization, which has raised $18 million so far, to advance improvements in the beleaguered nation.

“There’s a real education crisis in Malawi,” she said. “Sixty-seven percent of girls don’t go to secondary school, and this is simply unacceptable. Our team is going to work hard to address this in every way we can.” She and her aides offered no explanation of why, given her high interest in the project, she had not noticed the problems as they began unfolding.

Trevor Neilson, a founder of the Global Philanthropy Group, which Madonna recruited last November amid signs of upheaval at her charity, said he told her that building an expensive school in Malawi was an ineffective form of philanthropy, and suggested instead using resources to finance education programs though existing and proven nongovernmental organizations.

Mr. Neilson said that an examination found that $3.8 million had been spent on the school that will now not be built, with much of the money going to architects, design and salaries and, in one case, two cars for employees who had not even been hired yet.

“Despite $3.8 million having been spent by the previous management team, the project has not broken ground, there was no title to the land and there was, over all, a startling lack of accountability on the part of the management team in Malawi and the management team in the United States,” he said. “We have yet to determine exactly what happened to all of that $3.8 million. We have not accounted for all the funds that were used.”

But in a statement, Madonna said she was pleased with other work that Raising Malawi had done in helping children in Malawi, even as she acknowledged its problems. “While I’m proud of these accomplishments, I’m frustrated that our education work has not moved forward in a faster way,” she said.

Raising Malawi will not disband and will instead use its money in different ways to help the poor in a country where Madonna has sought to become a major philanthropic presence, foundation officials said.

[From The New York Times]

Some of you might suggest that I give Madonna a break, or that things simply happen and it’s no one’s fault. Bullsh-t. Madonna is a smart woman, and she’s been able to make herself into one of the richest, most profitable pop stars and celebrities ever. The fact that absolutely nothing went right, that nothing got done, that none of Madonna’s promises were fulfilled and that millions of dollars were lost, stolen or simply blown on dumb, useless projects, that all proves to me that Madonna simply doesn’t care. That she was just doing all of this for attention, and that it was just some whim, some phase she went through to try to get more attention for being more like Oprah/Angelina/Clooney. She only cared about showing up for the photo-ops. She couldn’t even care enough to donate her own money to the projects she announced, sending out a video asking for donations. Her apathy disgusts me, and her atrophied ambivalence regarding the promises she made to the Malawian people is criminal.

Photos courtesy of WENN.