Not a high selling cover
Nicole Richie may have sent Christina Aguilera a note of encouragement as she labored two doors down at Cedars Sinai’s maternity ward, but that doesn’t mean Christina is about to let her baby, Max Bratman, share billing with little Harlow Madden. Talks between Christina and celeb-friendly glossy OK! Magazine fell through when they wouldn’t meet her high payment demands or promise her a full cover with Max. OK! was reluctant to off her the entire cover because her issues just don’t sell that well. Even her pregnant naked Marie Claire cover wasn’t that popular. There was also no way she was about to share the cover with Nicole Richie and her newborn, so she backed out of the deal:

Don’t expect to see a photo of Christina Aguilera’s baby on the cover of any magazines this week. Sources say that after months of negotiating, a deal between Aguilera and OK! magazine came to a halt because the magazine couldn’t guarantee a full-cover photo of Aguilera and baby boy, Max.

It might seem surprising that OK! wasn’t game to play by Aguilera’s rules, considering the mag ran Aguilera’s wedding photos, but a magazine insider points out that the singer performs well on stage, but not so much on newsstands. “The OK! wedding cover didn’t sell as well as they hoped, and even her recent Marie Claire cover underperformed, all things considered,” the source said.

An industry source added, “Christina has an inflated sense of her own value and seems to expect an extortionate amount of money for these baby pictures. I’m not sure OK! or much of the industry thinks is a dollar figure that’s worth it. … She hasn’t proven to be a real seller.”

Although a friend of Aguilera’s says another reason that the deal didn’t work is that the baby isn’t really “ready for prime time,” there might have been another sticking point.

According to a person familiar with Aguilera’s contract, the terms include a promise that a magazine that buys the Aguilera baby photos may not run photos of Nicole Richie’s new baby. “Christina can’t stand Nicole,” said a source who knows Aguilera. “Nothing would make her more upset than to see those two babies on the same cover, even if it wasn’t at the same time.”

[From MSNBC]

Marie Clare UK reports that both Christina and Nicole will receive over $1 million each for their first baby pictures. Nicole Richie is said to have received $1 million for an upcoming spread in People with baby Harlow. Christina Aguilera has yet settle on a magazine for Max’s debut, however. The article claims that a bidding war is going on between People and OK! Magazine, with the price currently set at $1.5 million. If talks broke down with OK! as this other story claims, that means that all that’s left is People and that Aguilera has a choice of either appearing in the same issue as Nicole and Harlow or waiting to show Max until a later issue. That’s got to piss her off. There’s always In Touch or Life & Style.

You know how people are always debating: Time or Newsweek, which is better? Okay well people are in my home, but we’re a pretty lame bunch. I think the general consensus is that Time is much better and Newsweek is Newslite. But I’ve had a subscription since I was 13. I refuse to give in, and I’m pretty sure I now have concrete evidence that the people over at Time are prissy little wusses. You know why? In honor of Halloween, they decide to print a “Top 25 Horror Movies.” So you’re thinking slashers, maybe a few thrillers, something like that? Nope. Bambi. I kid you not. They can make a bit of an argument that those old Disney movies are creepy as hell, but they can’t make any reasonably intelligent person believe Bambi is in the top 25 ever. What a load of crap.

Amazing that the first movies parents took their tots to in the 30s and 40s were the early Disney features. Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, Pinocchio, Dumbo all exploited childhood traumas. Parents disappear or die; stepmothers plot the murder of their charges; a boy skips school and turns into a donkey. Kids were so frightened by these films that they wet themselves in terror. Bambi, directed by David Hand, has a primal shock that still haunts oldsters who saw it 40, 50, 65 years ago.

[From Time]

You know it’s funny; the same writers who wrote that also keep a nightlight and a security blanket in their cubicle, just to be safe. Their bosses keep the office kitchen stocked with warm milk in case they get uppity, and often have to burp them after meals. What the hell, you babies! Look I know you work for a powerful publishing conglomerate, but you need to see a top-of-the-line psychotherapist stat. Although if you mention Maleficent, there is a slight chance I’ll wet myself. But I’m smart enough not to tell the whole internet about it. Losers.

Everyone knows that cover art is very important to the marketing of anything with a cover. Books, CDs, magazines….so if you’re thinking about putting out a new magazine, who should you feature on the cover? Sure, a technology magazine might feature someone like Bill Gates, but a celebrity weekly magazine will shift more copies if Jennifer Aniston’s face is on the cover:

Top-Selling Celebrity Faces
1. Jennifer Aniston
2. Brad Pitt
3. Scarlett Johansson
4. Angelina Jolie
5. Reese Witherspoon
6. Katie Holmes
7. Carrie Underwood
8. Jennifer Hudson
9. Valerie Bertinelli
10. Kelly Ripa

Forbes

Oh, how I love a top ten list! But how were the leaders decided? Forbes took the sales of the six leading celebrity weeklies - People, Star, US Weekly, In Touch Weekly, Life & Style and OK! - and monitored their sales over six months.

We (Forbes) eliminated all non-celebrity and collage covers as well as special issues with exceptionally large rate bases. Then we counted how many more–or less–issues the celebrity’s cover sold, as compared with the magazine’s average newsstand sales. Next, we factored in the number of full covers a celebrity graced. Finally, we ranked his or her consumer appeal using data from Encino, Calif.-based polling firm E-Poll Market Research to rule out flukes.

Forbes

Interestingly, Jennifer Aniston only featured on 6 covers during the six month period. Britney Spears was on eighteen covers, but failed to make the top ten list.

Personally, I’m hoping to get on the research team that studies what shirtless man sells the most magazines. Am I qualified? Probably not, although I’m influenced by a nice set of abs as much as the next person.

Picture note by Celebitchy: Jennifer Aniston is shown on the set of He’s Just Not That Into You on 9/25. She was playing a bridesmaid. Thanks to Splash News for these pics.

This Week’s National Enquirer has a story about how 23 year-old America Ferrera has lost weight, and if you compare pictures of her recently with those from several months ago, she seems to have lost about 10-15 pounds and she’s looking great. She doesn’t look like a stick though, and she certainly doesn’t look like she does on the new cover of Glamour Magazine.

Remember when Faith Hill was airbrushed to hell on the cover of Redbook? She looked great before, at a healthy low weight with some minor eye wrinkles. On the cover of Redbook herarms were made to look even thinner and her face was given virtual plastic surgery.

Jennifer Hudson made history as a rare full-figured woman on the cover of the march issue of Vogue, but many bloggers and commentors pointed out that her pictures, taken at the Apollo theater by Annie Liebovitz, were unflattering. She was bending over with her mouth hanging open and baring her cleavage on the cover.

At least Ferrera’s boobs aren’t made the emphasis of this cover, but it looks like her skinny younger cousin, not her. Features listed on the cover of the magazine include “101 ways to dress your body better” and “the secret reasons women gain weight” as if it’s something we’re all striving for behind closed doors. They also declare that it’s the “1st Annual Figure-Flattery Issue!” They sure flattered Ferrera’s figure with the clone and airbrush tools.

Women are told to work with their curvier figures and dress sexy, but the real message is that we’re not acceptable unless we’re a size six or below. Even gorgeous famous women can’t make it on the cover of magazines unless they’re heavily edited.

Oh and America is said to have lost weight the old fashioned way with exercise and by eating more vegetables. She didn’t starve herself, but surely the fashion magazines would have preferred it if she did.

Both Katie Holmes and Nicole Kidman are potential cover girls for the December issue of Vogue. Tom Cruise’s ex and the woman said to be the mother of his youngest child both have movies that are coming out around the release of the issue and are in contention for the coveted spot on the cover.

Katie Holmes and Nicole Kidman are battling to be Vogue’s face for December, Star has learned. Nic, who’ll be promoting the children’s fantasy movie The Golden Compass that month, did very well for the magazine last year, a Vogue insider tells Star. Still, Katie, who’ll be promoting the indie heist flick Mad Money, “is a fresh subject who is worth exploring,” adds the insider. Stay tuned!

[From Star Magazine, print edition, September 10, 2007]

I bet they give it to Katie. Nicole Kidman’s latest film, the thriller remake The Invasion, tanked at the box office. Katie is married to Tom now and despite the fact that he’s a cult figurehead, he’s head of Paramount United Artists (thanks Jen) and is mighty powerful. Kidman is hitched to a country star with a known drug and alcohol problem, albeit one he may have recently conquered. With the Katie story they can always play up the mom angle given that Suri is so damn cute in all the photo ops recently. Other moms will eat that up. Nicole doesn’t have much that normal women can relate to, except for the fact that her husband is a f’up.

There was a story a short while ago that Anna Wintour loved Amy Winehouse’s new album and was keen to get her on the cover of Vogue. It turns out that Winehouse didn’t make the cover, and was included in a supplement by the Conde Nast company called Fashion Rocks. Maybe Amy’s recent mess cost her a Vogue cover, but it’s unknown if she was actually being considered for it, or if it was just a rumor. [Details from Jezebel]

Nicole Kidman is shown at the Kids’ Choice Awards on 3/31/07. Katie Holmes is shown pre-Posh cut on 3/22/07. Thanks to PRPhotos.

Courtney Love has a featured spread in next month’s Bazaar magazine, on stands August 21st, but snippets of her interview have already leaked out online, and all I can say is, she’s one hypocritical bitch. I can handle most flaws, but hypocrisy isn’t one of them. She goes off on the unhealthy eating habits of thin starlets. This from the woman who appeared to lose at least 50 pounds in just a few short months. Seriously, she shocked everyone.

“’I’ve lost a lot of weight, and I have done it through being quite disciplined… Some people think it’s about weight loss, but it’s about detoxing. I hate reading magazines where the actresses are saying ‘Broccoli and fish, broccoli and fish.’ You liars. You bulimic liars.’”

[From US Weekly]

Um, I call bullshit on every single word that just came out of her mouth. What? Courtney Love, the queen of all things shot or snorted, is telling people she lost weight naturally by detoxing? That’s such crap. No one loses that much weight like that, and I don’t think anyone believes her. They’re called amphetamines. I’m sure you know them well. Who the hell does she think she is? Just because it comes out of her mouth, we’re all supposed to buy it? Since she lost all that weight, she’s been accused of having an eating disorder by just about every article written about her. So I guess she’s just “paying it forward” so to speak.

“Rocker Courtney Love has denied speculation she is too thin by announcing she has gained 10 pounds on a unique cupcake diet. The former Hole frontwoman has recently come under fire for shedding too much weight, but Love insists she is healthy and has blasted the attention surrounding her size.

”She writes on her MySpace website: ‘I’ve put on 10 pounds (thank you Sprinkles cupcakes which I must admit are overrated). I must point out the hypocrisy of this crazy hysteria about my weight. No one’s going to mistake me for Eva Longoria, and my God I am truly happy to be who and what I am. With my life and my experience I can do so many things to help so many people and make such a beautiful clothing line too!’

“Last month, Love’s appearance at a concert in New York City sparked concerns about her shrinking frame - prompting the singer to tell fans: “I don’t have an eating disorder.”

[From Ireland Online]

So she doesn’t have an eating disorder because she gained 10 pounds from eating too many cupcakes? Maybe she gained 10 pounds to get people to stop talking about how she was too thin… just a thought. Either way, I think it’s hysterical that she calls people hypocrites for wondering if she has an eating disorder, and then a few days later the Bazaar article is leaked where she accuses thin celebrities of being bulimic. What I really want to know is, when is she going to take responsibility for those collagen fish-lip injections she had? That wasn’t fair to the rest of us, making us look at those things.

Pictures of Courteney Love in Bazaar via DListed and StyleCrunch.

Gwyneth Paltrow is on the cover of September’s W Magazine, and they’re wildly proclaiming it to be her comeback. Sounds great, except it’s not Gwyneth. Clearly they used one of Madame Tussauds wax sculptures. From the look of her lips, it was one of the dead ones too. They took away everything that makes her look like Gwyneth Paltrow. Instead she just looks like some generic, soulless model. Though a lot of people would call Gwyneth generic and soulless on her most attractive day too. A lot of people don’t like her, as she’s been accused of being a snobbish, pretentious, boring, demanding, and egocentric bitch. And looking at these photos, I’ve got to believe that both the photographer and the retoucher agree.

And my God, how long is she going to insist upon that California circa 1972 hairstyle? I bet she gets up every morning and combs her hair 100 times a la Marsha Brady and thinks, “Should I wear it parted directly in the middle or 1/8 a centimeter to the left?” In the header photo she looks incredibly smug and mannish, and also like she’s contemplating coming right through that cover and kicking your ass.

“Gwyneth Paltrow took a hiatus from the bright lights of Hollywood to raise her two children, but now the Oscar winning actress is preparing to step back into the spotlight.

“The former industry darling has marked return with a glamorous covershoot for American magazine W.

“Her tousled mother-on-the-run hair was replaced by a sleek blonde mane and her usually alabaster, make-up free look was given a rather dramatic bronze and polish for the cover. “

[From the Daily Mail]

That’s hysterical. I think “rather dramatic” is a nice way of saying “shockingly bizarre.” I’d like to direct your attention to this picture, because I used to work in a vet clinic. So let me tell you, this photo is really true to life. Nothing is sexier than a cat on crutches. Well I’m assuming she’s supposed to be a cat, but those might be spoons on her head. It’s hard to tell. I also like the picture further down with the cane. Right before Christmas I fell down an entire flight of stairs and tore my medial collateral ligament in my knee. I had to use one of those canes for a few months, and I was pretty embarrassed. But now, thanks to Gwyneth, I realize that it was not embarrassing but actually really, really sexy. I also happened to lounge on a chair like I was half drunk and slipping off while wearing my super sexy garters… you know I really think I was probably the inspiration for these shots. Plus I have an awesome picture of Jesus above my bed, just like she does. Actually it turns out Gwyneth had knee surgery and is still recovering, so someone at the photo shoot decided to get “creative.”

Thanks to The Daily Mail and ONTD for these pics.

Jezebel.com

I know airbrushing is a standard practice for magazine covers, and certainly we all can use a little help with our close ups! But I sometimes think we’ve gone too far. Half the time I can’t tell one blonde from another on the cover of Cosmopolitan, needing to look for the person’s name to identify them.

Faith Hill just did a cover shoot for Redbook, and looked fabulous. Tanned, blonde and healthy at 39. Then they airbrushed her, and she kind of turned into a Stepford Wife. I know all cover shots are airbrushed, but have we gone too far? Really, Faith was guilty of nothing more than looking ten years younger than her real age. Now she looks virtually unrecognisale.

The pictures have come about as the result of Gawker blog Jezebel offering a $10,000 prize to the person who could supply before-and-after airbrushing shots. Jezebel editor gives us the details on the airbrushing.

Jezebel editor Anna Holmes said that the site had received between five and 10 submissions, and that the Faith Hill shot had been chosen based on the fact that much of her body was both visible and radically altered. “Part of me was hoping for a Vogue cover,” Holmes admitted. Barring that, the contest “wasn’t about [Hill], it was about how magazines retouch women to make women look at times unrecognizable. The original photo — when I saw it I broke out into a big grin, not because I was having a gotcha moment, but because I said, ‘Here’s a woman who looks like a real woman.’” Holmes said the site was aware of the identity of the photo leaker but declined to discuss the “myriad” ways that Jezebel they had acquired the photos.

WWD.com

Actually, I think Faith Hill looks a little like Jessica Simpson on the cover.

Thanks to Jezebel.com for the photo header.

I know that women are the primary consumers of gossip magazines, but why do they have to try and make us feel like shit all the time? We don’t have the right hair, the right shoes, the right bodies, and our clothes certainly look lame when compared to the gorgeous gowns that designers beg celebrities to wear.

We probably don’t have the right men, either, and those of us who are single aren’t using the right hair products to catch a man. Now even the single girls reading the glossies over pints of Haagan Daz can feel slightly better about themselves, because there are single famous women too, and experts who are paid to go on about their plight:

If Cameron Diaz and Jennifer Aniston can’t find a guy, is there any hope for the rest of us?

Actually, it turns out that being a beautiful, successful, rich woman in Hollywood can make it even harder to make a love connection.

Sure, there are plenty of men out there who would want to date A-listers like Reese Witherspoon, but not many measure up both physically and professionally ­– after all, there is only one George Clooney, and every knows he’s not settling down anytime soon.

And Notting Hill-style romantic comedies aside, on the very rare occasions when regular guys come into contact with ladies who live on the right side of the velvet ropes, “they are made very anxious [by mega stars],” psychiatrist Dr. Arnold Gilberg of the UCLA David Geffen School of Medicine tells Us.

“They feel there is too much to fulfill.”

When a woman is successful and famous at a young age, there simply aren’t that many men who can adapt to her lifestyle and, at the same time, make her feel like she’s No. 1.

“Megastars are in a unique position because they are protected from so many people,” says Gilberg. “They are limited in the people they meet more than the average woman.”

[From US Weekly]

These same magazines run “sexiest bachelor” articles and pieces that glorify single celebrity guys, so why do they act like it’s some kind of failure for a beautiful famous woman to be single? I’m trying to figure out how it helps them sell products to hapless readers. Maybe after any of these women inevitably land a man her success can be attributed to whatever body cream she was comped in the gift bag at the last event she attended.

From E-Online:

If you measure riches in cold hard cash, Oprah Winfrey’s got it going on. And for those of you who measure riches in love and warm, fuzzy feelings…well, Winfrey’s got plenty of that going for her, as well.

The multimedia maven topped two snazzy lists this week, landing at number one on Forbes’ first-ever compilation of the 20 richest women in entertainment and placing first in the annual Harris Poll that determines America’s favorite TV personalities.

From the Upcoming Issue of O Magazine: The Oprah Winfrey Magazine

WHAT I KNOW FOR SURE

So here we all are just on the far side of that crazy holiday season full of wishes and expectations. The pressure to give and receive—and spend until you wish you hadn’t. It’s a part of the culture we need to change, or we’ll all pay a price for mindless giving. Well not me … its actually mathematically impossible for me to spend other than mindlessly . Too many zeros for the human mind to grasp. Sometimes I have to actually overspend just to reduce the neck strain from the krugerrands weighing down my Herme’s bags (which arrive pre-release, pre-season, in bulk and for free –‘ cause Herme’s knows all about the cost of not showing Oprah love).

Four years ago, you may remember, I went to South Africa to bring gifts to 50,000 children, many of whom had never received a present in their lives. That was the first year I won the Harris poll as America’s number one favorite Oprah – Lightbulb moment!.

I knew I couldn’t rely on popularity alone to keep on knowing WHAT I KNOW FOR SURE. Love lists are all very nice, but the OPRAH mobile had its GPS set for Benjaminville. I mean sixteen years of a number one talk show hadn’t gotten me to number one on that list. I searched high and low till I found the most overbearingly Sure of Knowing WHAT HE KNOWS character I could — and syndicated his shiny-pated ass

Those Dr. Phil syndication dollars pushed me over the finish line onto Forbes Billionaires list . What did I learn? I learned that I can have it all … all the money … all the love and I can be the covergirl on my own magazine every month … I can have a pony made of cookies – and Steadman won’t mind the crumbs in bed.

I Feel a life lesson coming on!

“Everyone has the power for greatness—not for fame, but greatness, because greatness is determined by service.” Even before I did a make-over on Coretta Scott King, who’s helmet hair was not of service to anyone, I knew my favorite quote, I knew in my heart that its message was true. As far back as I can recall, my prayer has been the same: “Use me, God. Show me how to take who I am, who I want to be, and what I can do, and use it for a purpose greater than myself.” Naturally I had no idea back in the day what a challenge that would be for God … who knew that the greatness of myself would be so large and in charge. I mean it’s gonna be quite a job for God to come up with something than what I did all by myself … Where do you go from up?

All of us need a vision for our lives and even as we work to achieve the vision, we must surrender it to the power that is greater than we know. The power of the Forbes TOP 100 Most Richest Celebrities List or the polling expertise of the nice people at Harris are obvious examples of candidates for this greater power.

It’s one of the defining principles of my life that I love to share: God can dream a bigger dream for you than you could ever dream for yourself. Success comes when you surrender to that dream—and let it lead you to the next best place. And of course, for me, shortly after the Next best place – to the Very Best Place of All … that being the number one place on all lists everywhere.

What I know for sure is that if you want to have success, you can’t make success your goal. As my friend Wintley Phipps, the gospel singer and minister, once told me, the key is not to worry about being successful, but to instead work towards being popular and rich —and the success will naturally follow.

How can you serve your way to greatness? That is surely a question the staff at Hermes know the answer to — I schooled them there. When you shift your focus from success to accumulating vast amounts of pollable love and money from strangers, your work as a teacher, clerk, doctor or dot-commer will instantly have more meaning. Relative, of course, to those of us who are already front loaded with super-meaningful buckets of money, love and cookie based ponies.

Oprah