I find these pictures cruel for several reasons. First of all, most of these celebrities have great bodies and these little ripples are barely visible in person I bet. Case in point: Maria Sharapova, whose cellulite looks like a trick of the light. Sharapova is a world class athlete so her “cellulite” is like normal skin. Other women like Nicolette Sheridan, Paris Hilton, Mischa Barton, and Uma Thurman all have gorgeous bodies, and their supposed cellulite seems rather normal. If that’s what the skinny women have, how are normal-sized women supposed to feel? In fact the only really gross body in all these pictures is Star Jones. Mariah is looking paunchy, but that’s due to her choice of clothing, which is always for a much younger, skinnier woman.

Thanks to Sammie’s Effluvia for scanning the National Enquirer. I actually bought this issue and took pictures of it, but they had bright spots from the flash and the scanner was down so I said screw it. If you see these scans on another blog they’re probably from Sammie’s site.

There’s a story in this week’s Life & Style, that Vince Vaughn tried to get Jennifer Aniston to take him back when he visited her house around the holidays.

OK! Magazine ran this same news that Vaughn visited Aniston on Christmas Eve and claimed that she just wanted to show him her new Beverly Hills home. I’m going with OK’s version.

Here’s what Life & Style said:

Early afternoon, Christmas Eve. Jennifer Aniston, in her Hollywood Hills home, was looking forward to dinner with friends at LA steak house Mastro’s. But when the bell rand and Jen opened the door, she found herself face-to-face with her ex-boyfriend Vince Vaughn. It had been a while. The couple had broken up in October during Jen’s visit to London, where Vince has been filming Fred Claus, and hadn’t seen each other since. “Jen was happy to see Vince,” says an insider. “She’s never stopped caring for him.”

But if Vince’s visit was a bit out of the blue (he’d decided to jet to L.A. during a break from filming) what he rold Jen once they sat down inside was really out of left field: He wanted a second chance. “He told Jen he’d do whatever it took to win her back,” the insider adds, “even give her the baby she wants.”

Jen was touched by Vince’s sincere offer but said she’d been doing some soul-searching of her own. “Jen told him, ‘I really care about you, but this is all just too little too late,” says the insider. “But she said she hoped they could stay friends.”

[From Life & Style print edition, January 15, 2007]

I really doubt any of this is true apart from the fact that Vaughn visited Aniston on Christmas eve and stayed for an hour and a half, which is news that must come from the paparazzi crouching outside her home.

OK!’s version of events is that Vince visited Jen and they’re not more than friends:

Jen ended 2006 on an upbeat note…

Just before Christmasn, former flame Vince Vaughn visited her new $15 million Beverly Hills home. “Jen adores the house and was thrilled for Vince to see it,” a friend of the actress tells OK!

Vince, who had been in London filming the upcoing comedy Fred Claus, had returned to Los Andeles on Dec. 23 and made visiting Jen one of his top priorities. “Jen does not have a history of remaining friends with her exes but she wants that with Vince,” says Jen’s pal. “Now they’re buddies who can run into each other without it being uncomfortable. Jen certainly doesn’t have that with Brad.”

[From OK! print edition, January 15, 2007]

What to believe? Well, Life & Style is also saying that Angelina is pregnant again, so I think OK! is more accurate. Neither of these stories seem to have actual quotes from anyone who is a friend of Jen’s or some kind of “insider,” but who knows?

Life &amp: Style story from Sammie’s Effluvia. OK! story from the magazine I was duped into buying by the fake cover story that Angelina is somehow feeling guilty for saying she wanted to meet with Jennifer Aniston, which I will cover shortly.

Pictures of Vaughn in a santa hat on the set of his new movie found at Heart of News.

Suri Cruise was supposed born on April 18th, and was closely guarded by the Holmes-Cruises until her pictures were published in Vanity Fair in early September. There were all sorts of conspiracy theories about little Suri and the Cruise’s reason for hiding her, and we of course chimed in. I speculated that she was older than the Cruise’s claimed, that she wasn’t sterile Tom’s baby, and that maybe she had something wrong with her.

Now In Touch is running a story claiming that people close to Britney are worried because very few people have seen her second child since he was born September 12. Little Jayden James is starting to rival Suri in how long Britney has managed to keep him under wraps. Unlike Suri, there isn’t even a picture of baby Jayden under a blanket or with a handler. (Note: the header photo is of Britney with Sean Preston, not Jayden.) He must have a vitamin D deficiency since it doesn’t seem like he’s seen the light of day.

Britney Spears was in a good mood as she showed guests around her new Beverly Hills home. But when one of her visitors innocently tried to take a photo of her son Jayden, Britney’s smile vanished. “No pictures!” Britney shreiked, according to a witness. “You can take pictures of Sean Preston, but please, absolutely none of Jayden,” she told the startled guest…

The 25-year-old’s extreme secretiveness about the baby has people speculating. “Some family members are worried there is something wrong with Jayden because Britney doesn’t let too many people see him,” says an insider>

[From In Touch print edition, January 15, 2007]

The magazine points out other celebrities that have publically shown their babies, and how quickly they published the photos and took out the infants in comparison to Britney. Gwyneth Paltrow, Heidi Klum, Brooke Shields, and Sarah Jessica Parker all showed their babies within a month of their birth.

There was a story that Britney was trying to give away photos of Jayden to the most prestigious magazine possible. She didn’t want to sell the pics and have K-Fed get half of the profits since their divorce is not final. Word is that Vanity Fair turned Britney down, and now that everyone’s seen where the baby came from (not really, I guess, considering that she had a c-section) it seems like the press is not that interested in her second child.

If she was in a cult or had more going on than constant partying then we would have been all over this story a while ago. As it is, I don’t think anything is wrong with the baby. It seems like Britney is just being a self-centered fool for hiding him and still thinks her star is untarnished enough to get her new baby on the cover of something better than People.

Thanks to Britney.cl for these In Touch scans.

Update: The NY Daily News has a blind item that sounds suspiciously like Britney:

Which celebrity baby has been plagued with health problems because insiders fear his mother wasn’t able to stay away from cocaine during her pregnancy?

Renee Zellwegger, who we don’t see a lot of in the gossip news apart from her spectacularly failed marriage, has a new interview in Time. She’s guarded, vague and well-spoken in her comments but it’s clear that she’s having difficultly coming to terms with fame and has trouble with all of the constant speculation about her private life. She doesn’t sound like a happy person. It seems like she would rather bury herself in her work and stay home than go out shopping for designer crap and eat at the best restaurants and have everyone talk about her.

She said that she just got through the days last year and when asked about the hardest part of her year she almost starts to cry:

LIFE: In your new movie, Beatrix Potter best expresses herself through the characters she created, like Peter Rabbit and Flopsy Bunny. How do you best express yourself?
ZELLWEGER: Oh, I don’t know. I’m not a performer. I don’t want to hop up on a stage and go “Look at me! I’m Renée! What do you think?” That’s not me. What I do is very different. If I want to express something, it’s through the filter of a character. So I never feel exposed.

LIFE: You made the movie in a very difficult part of your life last year.
ZELLWEGER: It was important for me to make this film—going to work and being with my friends, getting through the days.

LIFE: What was the hardest part about 2006 for you?
ZELLWEGER: Well, I’m sure that if you buy groceries, you might have read something about it. It’s not on the top of my favorite things that have ever happened. [Her eyes well up] I’m not a superficial person. I don’t care about what’s on the grocery-store shelves. That’s just salt in the wound. But it’s not a television show. I lived it. It’s a very sad experience for anyone to go through, and it’s not fun when people decide that it’s a lovely thing to capitalize on. But you’re oblivious to that because you are living the reality of the experience—which is devastating.

LIFE: Are you two still friends?
ZELLWEGER: I’ll tell you that I was saddened. I’ll tell you that it took . . . it’s, it’s not something I could reason away. It’s something that I’ll live through, but I don’t want to talk about it beyond that because it matters to me.

LIFE: But is there anything that you feel you need to change about your life in the coming year?
ZELLWEGER: Yes. I need to find a way to manage the things that are very difficult for me in terms of fame. I need to find a way to have more grace in certain situations. I’m not good at the majority of things that come with celebrity. I like my job. I don’t mind getting up at three in the morning on the Isle of Man, working in a cowshed that smells like poo. I’m okay with 16-hour days. I’m okay with living out of my suitcase. I am not good at the commodification of me as a person—it’s dehumanizing. I’m not good at it because my values are different than that, and so I’m disappointed by it. But it’s not my place to be disappointed by it. I need to find a way to be okay with those things.

LIFE: Is it a question of trying to distance yourself from it? To care less about what’s written about you?
ZELLWEGER: It’s hard to not care. It takes a long time to realize the only way to win is to resign yourself to losing, because then you lose less. Because you are going to lose. There are going to be people who capitalize on your losses, on your sadness, and they’ll create it. I expect that if I have a personal crisis, somebody is going to sell magazines because of it. I expect that there will be paparazzi in the street. It’s the other side of fame. I’ve seen stories where people speculate about what it is that [you’re] saying based on your body language. It’s incredible to me that that’s where our society has gone.

When asked about what she looks forward to this year she says Leatherheads, a new movie she’ll be filming with George Clooney.

She almost makes me feel guilty for gossiping about celebrities all day. She seems to hate the personal price of fame and tries to avoid it, perhaps at the cost of a personal life. Having people make up shit based on your body language is what goes along with those multi-million dollar paychecks for a few months work. At least that’s what I tell myself so that I don’t feel guilty for dehumanizing the celebrities as Zellwegger mentions.

Paris, Lindsay and Britney seem like well-deserving targets, but people like Renee make me think twice about talking smack about famous people. Good luck Renee. There are a lot of fun superficial things you can do as a celebrity. Why don’t you try to enjoy them for a little while instead of hiding and making yourself miserable thinking about the downside of it?

A lot of people will comment on this article about how Renee looks and not bother to care or read what she’s saying. She kind of has a point.

Britney Spears did some recording between bouts of partying and poon-baring these last few months, but her work was so lousy and her image so tarnished that she’s about to get dropped by her record label. Some other label or distributor will surely pick it up, but this is very bad news for Britney. The best quote is from the supposed insider who says “Like the rest of us, Jive is done with Britney.” Indeed

But sources tell us Spears faces imminent axing by her music label, Jive Records, which is “going to drop her any day now.” That word follows our colleague Cindy Adams’ report on Wednesday that Jive execs have decided “to drop [the album] - and her.” Spears spent hours in Jive’s New York studios last month, but produced sub-par tracks. In addition, her hard-partying ways have damaged her image. Spears’ manager, Larry Rudolf, insisted yesterday that she’d revamp her image and continue to record, citing her “rocky period” as an excuse for her “unacceptable” behavior. But insiders believe the album will never hit shelves. “Like the rest of us,” said the source, “Jive is done with Britney Spears.” A rep for Jive denied all, saying, “Jive’s relationship with Britney is fine. She continues to be one of our biggest worldwide artists and we remain 1,000 percent committed to her career.”

We’ll see in the next week or so if this news is accurate, but I don’t doubt it.

True to form, Britney was back partying in LA following her very brief stay at an Arizona spa. It looks like Britney couldn’t follow advice and take a much-needed PR and emotional rest. In October she called listening to advice her biggest mistake, showing how very out of touch and up her own ass she is.

The NY Post says that 70 year-old former catwoman Julie Newmar looks better than 25 year-old Britney, who they called puffy and bloated. Britney kept saying “I love myself” over and over again as she left a club, proving that science is right and celebrities are narcissistic fools.

Socialite’s Life has pictures of Britney out recently looking really old and tired.

Daniel Craig can’t stand looking at Nicole Kidman. In fact, it’s so painful that he has stuck his fingers in his ears and is humming loudly to drown her out. The first Blonde Bond isn’t overly bright … but eventually switches to covering his attractively crinkled baby blues …which while distracting is rather more effective. Meanwhile, Kidman is happily responding to a question about whether the 38-year-old actor changed after landing his role as James Bond last year.

“Oh, completely,” deadpans Kidman, 39, who was with him, shooting one of their upcoming films, The Invasion of the Wrinkle Snatchers, when he got the call. “In 24 hours he became a diva,” she adds, with a nod toward the temporarily sightless Craig, who oddly continues to hum his tune as the pair sit in the cozy bar of a London photography studio, sharing a bottle of sparkling water, not that’s there anything wrong with that. But then Kidman breaks down and tells the truth: “Oh, he didn’t change at all,” she says in her haute-Aussie twang. “The thing about Daniel, and the reason I like working with him, is that he’s an actor’s actor. He has no access to Diva scrubs, exfoliating agents or even basic moisturizers. Look at the sate of that mug. Weathered we call it back home …and Australians know from weathered – its generations of freckled convicts frying in the noonday soon”

Of course, Craig has heard the whole thing due to his humming skills being complete rubbish and he seems far more alarmed by the compliment than by the faux insult. “How dare you!” he shouts, and they both giggle. An oddly blonde moment from two actors who are ever verging on the edge of ginger.

Other quotes from this month’s cover story:

Daniel on Nicole :”She turns me on… in the nicest possible way, you understand. Through heavily retouched photography.”

Nicole on Daniel: “In 24 hours, he became a diva — but still couldnt approach the smooth perfection of my epithelial layer”

“R Me in the M” by UrbanDK, has been edited for Celebitchy: for the complete story, pay attention to the powdery, oddly flat visage of your favorite females on your favorite mags.

Just as Demi Moore has an interview published in Vanity Fair in which she reveals details of her relationship with a husband nearly 16 years her junior, Cate Blanchett says she doesn’t get why women date younger men and that she could never do it:

Cate Blanchett says she doesn’t understand why a woman would date a younger man. In “Notes On a Scandal,” the 37-year-old plays a teacher who has an affair with a 15-year-old student. “I blushed my way through the entire movie,” she told the Scottish Daily Record. “I just don’t understand women who go out with younger men. Even women who date men only five years younger than them, I can’t relate to it. . . .I would understand sleeping with a 60-year-old more,”

So she didn’t mention Moore specifically and is just talking about a role, but I couldn’t resist inventing a rivalry where there is none. In the original article she also says she “loves” Brad Pitt, but that “I don’t love him in the sense that I love my husband but I adore him.”

I wouldn’t be too quick to believe all this crap though, The Scottish Daily Record that had this supposed interview with Cate Blanchett recently apologized for making up fake quotes in which Nicole Kidman dissed Angelina Jolie.

Demi Moore, 44, told Vanity Fair that she definitely wants kids with her husband Ashton Kutcher, who will be 29 next month. She also says that her relationship with Kutcher caught them both off guard. Her candidness must have paid off as she’s on the cover of the magazine this month.

Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson are no longer together, according to a new cover story in US Magazine. These two were low-key with their relationship and were only spotted out together a few times in the past few months. Kate threw a big New Year’s party and Owen wasn’t there. It looks like Wilson is going back to his girl-chasing ways while Hudson is dating hot Irish singer Damien Rice. She must love those musicians.

When Kate Hudson, 27, threw a raucous New Year’s Eve party at her home in L.A.’s Pacific Palisades, guests such as Justin Timberlake, Ryan Phillippe and Eva Mendes showed up to party their way into 2007.

Conspicuously absent from the bash? Actor Owen Wilson, 38, whose torrid affair with Hudson resulted in the actress’ separation from husband of nearly six years, Black Crowes frontman Chris Robinson.

“They have definitely cooled off,” a source close to the actress tells Us of Hudson and Wilson’s summer fling. “She adores him and wishes it had worked out. But it didn’t.”

Seconds a Wilson source, “Owen is calling girlfriends to tell them he is single.”

The actress, meanwhile, is back to dating musicians. She brought Irish singer Damien Rice (whose haunting song “The Blower’s Daughter” was the theme of 2004’s Closer) to a December 9 birthday party for director Brett Ratner. A Hudson pal assures, “She is exploring everything while trying to get over Owen.”

The article says that Kate’s ex, Chris Robinson, is dating a woman that has dated Matthew McConaughey. It also seems like Kate is on good terms with her ex. I read an article in The Enquirer a short time ago that claimed that they were renting houses next to each other in Australia while Kate was filming Fool’s Gold, and that they were visiting each other six times a day. Their three year old son, Ryder, must love being around his dad and mom together, and I bet their still-close relationship had something to do with Kate and Owen’s breakup.

Some more photos from Angelina’s spread in Vogue have come out. She looks damn good to me.

One of the revelations in Angelina’s interview with People is that she’s the disciplinarian, and the Brad often gives in to the kids. She said the Maddox is a calm kid and that Zahara is “dramatic and creative and loud and charming.” Aww.

Thanks to Faded Youth for these pictures.

Just when I thought that two Brad and Angelina stories was enough for the day I hear about Angelina’s incredibly candid interview in the upcoming issue of Vogue. She reveals how she felt a strong kinship with Brad while they were filming “Mr. and Mrs. Smith,” and how she looked forward to going to work just to see him every day.

She said she once shook hands with Jennifer Aniston but never really sat down with her. She claimed she would be willing to have a long talk with Aniston, but that’s it’s up to her. She said that she and Brad are “legally bound” to their children and have both been married before so they don’t see a need to do it again.

Angelina said that she hardly trusts anyone at all, except maybe her mother and Brad. She also revealed that she’s not comfortable hugging or kissing people casually, but that she feels differently with her children:

“I think we were the last two people who were looking for a relationship. I certainly wasn’t,” she said. “I was quite content to be a single mom.”

The “Tomb Raider” babe admitted she was thrilled working with Pitt every day while shooting “Smith” in 2003 and 2004.

“Because of the film, we ended up being brought together to do all these crazy things, and I think we found this strange friendship and partnership that kind of just suddenly happened. I think a few months in I realized, ‘God, I can’t wait to get to work,’ ” she said.

“Whether it was shooting a scene or arguing about a scene or gun practice or dance class or doing stunts - anything we had to do with each other, we just found a lot of joy in it together and a lot of real teamwork. We just became kind of a pair…”

“And it took until, really, the end of the shoot for us, I think, to realize that it might mean something more than we’d earlier allowed ourselves to believe,” Jolie said. “And both knowing that the reality of that was a big thing, something that was going to take a lot of serious consideration.”

Jolie said she and Pitt remained “very, very good friends” after shooting “Smith.” They were resigned to staying nothing more than pals, Jolie said, until Pitt and Aniston announced their breakup in early 2005.

Pitt and Aniston filed for divorce that spring, amid rampant reports that the Hollywood hunk had his eye on Jolie the whole time.

Vogue didn’t directly press Jolie on whether she and Pitt fooled around behind Aniston’s back. But Jolie said she realized, early on, that she shared a deep, emotional bond with Pitt before they formally hooked up post-Aniston.

“Not as exciting as what a lot of people would like to believe,” Jolie said. “We spent a lot of time contemplating and thinking and talking about what we both wanted in life and realized that we wanted very, very similar things.”

“And then we just continued to take time. We remained very, very good friends - with this realization - for a long time,” she added.

“And then life developed in a way where we could be together, where it felt like something we would do, we should do…”

Jolie said she hasn’t spoken to her dad, actor Jon Voight, for five years.

Although she keeps up with mom Marcheline Bertrand, Jolie said she doesn’t allow many people into her inner circle.

“I don’t trust anyone,” Jolie admitted.

“I don’t think it’s a good thing. This is going to make you think that maybe I should get some therapy, but trust is such a bizarre word. I’d like to say that I trust my mother, but I also don’t know if she might do something that she thinks is in my best interest.

Still, “I trust Brad will never do anything,” she said.

But after a few moments, Jolie then added, “I don’t know. I don’t trust anybody completely.”

Jolie said she won’t wear emotions on her sleeve - because it wouldn’t do her any good.

“It’s not going to accomplish anything to cry. It’s not going to help you to get a hug!” she said.

“I’m not a hugger. People make fun of me. It’s something that I have a hard time with. If someone hugs me, I hold my breath. Snuggling, cuddling, hugging, crying . . . all that stuff makes me very uncomfortable.”

Except when it comes to her kids, the star said.

“Oh, I love hugging my kids,” she quickly added. “It’s a different thing because you feel such a genuine grab from them.”

She’s very articulate and well spoken, but it’s hard to believe she was this candid in an interview. Why is she revealing so much? Maybe she thinks that if she gives people what they want, they’ll stop speculating so much about her. She’s trying to say that she hooked up with Brad only after he was separated from Aniston, and that he wasn’t really as well suited to Aniston as he was to her. People who think she broke up their marriage aren’t going to change their mind after hearing this. She may as well have kept quiet about it.

All this information about her intimacy issues might come back to bite her in the butt someday. If she doesn’t trust anyone, why does she trust us with so much information about her personal life?