Every day you hear a few oddball stories. They’re great water cooler fodder – but the really odd ones are normally about people you’ve never head of. Some guy in Oregon gets his hand eaten off by a wild squirrel. A 74-year-old lady in England walks 384 miles naked. To be fair, you do hear some almost unbelievable stories about Britney Spears, but she’s the exception to the rule. Well Britney and Mike Tyson. Mike’s life is almost impossible to follow anymore. I tried looking up his criminal history on Wikipedia and found myself so overwhelmed that I’m not even going to bother any of you with it. It won’t help your turkey go down any faster. Mike’s currently doing a one day stint in the slammer after pleading guilty to cocaine possession and driving under the influence. Tough punishment, I know. Before you’re filled with righteous indignation as I (almost) was, take note: Mike has been forced to wear pink undergarments in jail. By the sheriff. Do you think the guy is trying to encourage prison rape? Because I thought sheriffs were supposed to prevent crimes.

The final humiliation for the one-time “baddest man on the planet” came yesterday courtesy of Joe Arpaio, the self-styled toughest sheriff in America who believes pink has a psychological calming effect. Mr. Arpaio, who has vowed to make an example of law-breakers in Phoenix, Arizona, also obliged the former heavyweight boxing champion to wear pink underwear under his prison stripes.

Unsurprisingly, 41-year-old Tyson - who had been jailed for a day after admitting charges of possessing cocaine and driving under the influence - looked anything but amused when he reported to Tent City, an infamous open-air jail near a dog pound and a rubbish dump. The sentence, on top of 360 hours of community service, followed the fallen fighter’s arrest in his BMW after leaving a nightclub last Christmas.

But it could have been worse. Had Tyson, who has served prison terms for rape and assault, been jailed for longer he might have had to endure another of Mr Arpaio’s pet punishments - the chain gang.

[From the Daily Mail]

Sheriff Joe Arpaio pretty much spits in the face of the concept of restorative justice. And I have to say that, when it comes to Mike Tyson, I’m cool with that. So when your family is squabbling this Thanksgiving and you’re sitting there wondering if it’s cool to fake an illness and/or jump out a window just to get the hell away, and it seems like you will never experience happiness or joy in your life again (is that just me?) think of Mike Tyson in his pink lacies, and remember that there is still good in the world.

Picture Note by JayBird: Image thanks to the Daily Mail.

Have we talked about how I think Mike Tyson is a big ball of sexy? Mike Tyson is a big ball of sexy. Who can resist a face tattoo? Nothing makes panties drop faster. In fact, as a general rule of thumb, you should always be sure not to wear a skirt around Mike Tyson, or you’ll find your panties on the sidewalk and you’re halfway down the block. Same things applies to kilts, gentlemen. That’s probably what happened to Britney’s and Paris’ underwear. They came across Mike Tyson and suddenly found themselves flashing their lady bits.

Being the winner that he is, Tyson hasn’t been able to settle for just being a convicted rapist, domestic abuser, and ear biter. He’s one of those all or nothing types, and decided to tack a little DUI and drug possession onto his record for good measure. Got to stay in the tabloids and all.

“Former heavyweight champion Mike Tyson pleaded guilty Monday to charges of drug possession and driving under the influence stemming from a traffic stop last year as he was leaving a nightclub. Tyson quietly acknowledged to a judge that he had cocaine and was impaired when he was stopped for driving erratically in Scottsdale on Dec. 29. He pleaded guilty to a single felony count of cocaine possession and a misdemeanour DUI count and faces up to four years and three months in prison when he is sentenced Nov. 19. A felony charge of possession of drug paraphernalia and a second misdemeanor DUI charge were dropped, according to the terms of a plea agreement. Defense lawyer David Chesnoff said Tyson has been clean and sober for eight months.

“‘It’s obvious this was a crime he was committing against himself,’ Chesnoff said.

“Police stopped Tyson after the boxer had spent the evening at Scottsdale’s Pussycat Lounge. An officer said he saw Tyson wiping a white substance off the dashboard of his black BMW, and that his speech was slurred. Authorities said they found bags of cocaine in Tyson’s pocket and in his car.

“Tyson told officers later that he used cocaine ‘whenever I can get my hands on it,’ and that he preferred to smoke it in Marlboro cigarettes with the tobacco pulled out, according to court documents. He also told police that he used marijuana that day and was taking the antidepressant Zoloft, the documents state.”

[From the Chronicle Journal]

I know I’ve been critical of Tyson in the past, but who among us can really say they don’t enjoy the occasional snort of cocaine when it’s offered? Isn’t it rude to refuse? And then you have to get home, so why would you ask someone for a ride, or pay someone since you’re stinking rich, when you can just drive yourself when you’re hopped up on cocaine. Or whatever you get on cocaine. Cracked out? Up? I feel as though celebrity morons are getting their comeuppance of late, and it makes me very happy. But only because I get to say comeuppance.

Mike Tyson has checked into the same Wonderland rehab that Lindsay Lohan was said to have ruined for everyone. At least one resident complained that all of the freedom given to Lohan during her stay had adversely affected the facility, where regulations were lifted after Lindsay breezed in and started treating it like a hotel.

That seems to suit Mike Tyson fine. Tyson was caught in a club parking lot in Arizona in December with a bunch of cocaine - right after he busted out of a presumably more restrictive rehab. Now he’s checked into Wonderland to keep Lohan company when she feels like showing up.

The 40-year-old reportedly checked himself into the Wonderland Center this past weekend (ends28Jan07) in the Hollywood Hills.

Yesterday we reported a story from The National Enquirer that claimed that Lindsay was bucking the staff at the facility despite the fact that they’re letting her come and go and have lifted the rules on her behalf. Staff members were said to suspect that she suffers from bipolar disorder. Some commentors noted that it could be possible, while others said it’s a serious disorder that shouldn’t be mentioned unless there’s real proof that Lindsay has it.

If people trying to get sober thought things were crazy at Wonderland with Lohan there, how is it going to be now that Mike Tyson is in the house?

According to The National Enquirer, Mike Tyson had just busted out of rehab for a night out with friends when he was arrested for drug possession in Phoenix, Arizona. The article states that Tyson wanted to get back to boxing, but he was also slated to be a prostitute in Heidi Fleiss’ male brothel in Nevada, where prostitution is legal outside of Las Vegas. The opening of the stud farm has been delayed due to legal problems with another brothel in the area, leaving convicted rapist Tyson out of a job.

It turns out that Tyson had checked himself into a facility in Phoenix to dry out and prepare for a boxing comeback. After nine days he couldn’t stand it any more and went out partying with friends. When he was pulled over, cops found cocaine in his pocket.

Mike Tyson was running away from drug rehab when he was busted for suspicion of DUI and cocaine possession, The Enquirer has learned exclusively.

At 40, Iron Mike told pals he wanted to make a fresh start and return to the ring. His first step was to enter a Phoenix rehab facility. But the hot-tempered Tyson could not stand its strict regimen and bolted after only nine days.

Now the former heavyweight champion’s future may include the requisite pink jumpsuit and pink underwear worn in the Maricopa County jails, where “America’s toughest Sheriff” says celebrities get no special treatment…

“After only nine days, he left the [rehab] facility, saying he felt like he was in a cage.

“One of the first things he did was find a nightclub and party with friends!”

On Dec 29, the hard-partying puglist was leaving a club in a BMV at midnight and almost hit a polict car.

During a search, an officer found two bags believed to be cocaine in Tyson’s back pocket.

Mike admitted it belonged to him, and that he uses cocaine anytime he can get his hands on it.

[From The National Enquirer print edition, January 22, 2007]

The latest news is that Tyson has been formally charged with DUI as well as felony possession of narcotics and drug paraphernalia. If he’s convicted on all counts he could get up to seven and a half years in jail. I have a feeling that most of the other inmates will stay the hell away from him.

Ironically, Tyson’s record of convictions of assault and rape make him ineligible for state-sponsored drug treatment.

Ear-biting former world heavyweight champion Mike Tyson is going to work in Heidi Fleiss’ male brothel in Nevada. Prostitution is legal in Nevada outside of the city of Las Vegas, and is monitored by state agencies. Fleiss says Tyson will be her “big stalllion.” *shudder*

Former boxing champion Mike Tyson is to become a male escort after agreeing to work at legendary Hollywood madam Heidi Fleiss’ new legalized brothel for women. Fleiss bought 60 acres of land in Nevada, and his work is scheduled to begin on Heidi’s Stud Farm.

She has high hopes for Tyson, once heavyweight champion of the world - despite the fact he is a convicted rapist.

She says, “I told him, ‘You’re going to be my big stallion.’ It’s every man’s fear that their girlfriend will go for Mike Tyson.”

Tyson, 40, adds, “I don’t care what any man says, it’s every man’s dream to please every woman - and get paid for it.”

Tyson was convicted of raping an 18 year-old beauty contestant 15 years ago, and served three years out of a six year sentence in prison. He bit Evander Holyfield on both his ears during a 1997 boxing match and was disqualified. He also spent nine months in jail in 1999 for beating up two people after a car accident.

Tyson declared bankruptcy in 2003 and said in a recent interview that he was considering going into the porn business to make ends meet.

Who in their right mind would pay this guy to fuck them?

Heidi Fleiss is the process of applying for a license for her stud farm, and is now accepting applications from elgible male prostitutes.