Mischa Barton had a pretty rough 2010. She gained some weight, she struggled to find a celebrity identity, her ex-boyfriend publicly “joked” that she was “one of the fattest people on the planet,” she tried to look as crackheaded as Lindsay Lohan, and she barely worked. Mischa’s 2011 was mildly better, in my opinion, because I kind of forgot about her. That’s a double-edged sword – Mischa was allowed to fade away for a while, seemingly get her act together, lose some weight, regroup, all out of public view. But, she needs to be seen to remind people that she can be hired for any job they’ve got. Thus, she did a photo shoot with Tyler Shields (where she gnawed raw meat), and she was pap’d at a Target, in what was probably an organized candid photo op.

And now this – Mischa vacationing in Miami with a mystery man. Mischa looks sober, healthy, slender and employable. The dude she’s with looks slightly sketchy, but he doesn’t reek of Eau d’Ouchebag. He looks sort of like Christina Aguilera’s ex-husband, Jordan Bratman, right? That would be a good move for Mischa – hook up with some behind-the-scenes producer-type with money, lay low, be a girlfriend for a year, and then re-emerge with a television project or something. Maybe that’s what she’s doing.

All of the other sites are going on and on about how Mischa has lost weight – and she has and she looks great. She’s still self-conscious about her stomach. You can tell by the way she’s covering up with the towel and positioning herself when she knows she’s being photographed. Still, I can’t hate on her. She needs to work, and I have my doubts that her hustle is any good whatsoever.

Photos courtesy of Fame.

Tyler Shields is the photographer who regularly does incredibly sketchy photoshoots with C-list female celebrities. He’s known for his p0rn-y suicide-themed work with Lindsay Lohan, and he recently did a domestic-violence tinged shoot with Heather Morris of Glee posing with an iron and a black eye that got him in trouble with advocacy groups. He later defended himself, saying that the theme for the shoot was “busted up Barbie” and did not mean to glamorize abuse.

So here’s a shoot that Tyler did with Mischa Barton chewing on raw meat. It’s disturbing and seems just a step away from showing abuse, particularly the one picture where Tyler is grabbing her neck hard and shoving the meat on her face. Tyler says the inspiration came from seeing Mischa eat a burger. I guess if she was a vegetarian he’d smoosh some bread over her eye and try to smother her with it.

Mischa Barton apparently likes to play with her food.

In a new series of photos by sometimes controversial photographer Tyler Shields, the O.C. starlet is shown biting into slabs of—get this!—raw meat.

Yeah, we also wanted to barf.

Anyhoo, what’s the deal with Barton’s carnivorous cravings?

Tyler Shields tells us he came up with the idea for the pics after having lunch with Barton at the West Coast burger chain, In-N-Out.

“I’m watching her eat this hamburger, and all I could think about was just meat all over her face,” he said.

Cut to a couple of days later when Barton arrives for the shoot. “I was like, ‘By the way, I bought $65 of meat and I want you to eat it raw and put it on your face,’” Shields said. “And she was like, ‘OK!’”

Even so, Shields says Barton was a little hesitant to chomp on the raw stuff right away, but then “like two minutes later, she’s literally tearing this s–t apart. Just f—king tearing into it.”

Barton joins a laundry list of celebs who have worked with Shields, including Lindsay Lohan, Emma Roberts, Heather Morris and Dianna Agron.

The Barton photos are currently being shown in the window of the Imitate Modern gallery in London as a preview for Shields and Maximilian Wiedemann’s new art exhibit opening Wednesday.

[From E! Online]

I feel wholly unqualified to give any kind of social commentary on this photoshoot. I’ll just say that it bothered me, that it’s stupid and that Mischa doesn’t deserve to be posed like that. I hope that this hack stops getting willing models at some point.

It seems slow today, or maybe Kaiser is just on top of things as usual, so I thought I might cover these amusing photos of Mischa Barton shopping at Target. She looks pretty normal, for her, in that her outfit isn’t wildly clashing, incredibly too short, both, poorly cut, made out of some weird material or some deadly combination of all those fashion missteps. We’ve really only talked about Mischa lately for her terrible fashion or her “wisdom tooth surgery” breakdown, which was as short-lived as her last television series.

So it’s nice to see Mischa out at Target looking like a normal annoyed shopper with bad hair. She was buying plastic storage boxes and cleaning supplies. She wore a canary yellow a-line skirt with a skinny brown belt and a dingy white tank top. For her, it really wasn’t bad. But then I scrolled down and saw her black studded flats. I think my mom bought me that style shoe in fifth grade in the 80s and I refused to wear them.

The photo agency had details of Mischa’s planned “fashion line” to go along with her awful headbands and purses. Please see any of the links above or any of these photos for evidence why Mischa shouldn’t have her own fashion line. People joke that Jessica Simpson shouldn’t be so successful in fashion since she can’t dress properly, but Mischa takes fug to new levels. I guess this news came out a month ago but we never really heard about it, since it’s Mischa. She told Vogue.co.uk. “It’s something I really want to do. It’ll be forties-meets-seventies with the occasionally bit of twenties – that sounds a bit random, but I’ll take elements of different decades. It’ll be a bit like Biba, but with a real simplicity of cut and lots of bright colours. The fabrics will be great quality, and there will be lots of separates, like slacks and shirts. I want people to be able to mix and match.” Again, Mischa herself lacks the ability to mix, match, use decent fabric or chose outfits that are cut simply or well. I would say that Mischa doesn’t have much else going on, but a glance at IMDB shows she has parts in a bunch of movies out this year that will probably go straight to DVD.

Nobody really gives a crap about Mischa Barton anymore, and these photos are a good reason why. Are these photos funny? Sure. They’re actually pretty hilarious, just because Mischa looks so obviously like she’s coming down from something hard. It’s also funny because you actually have to try to look like this – as in, it takes effort to look this strung out. It’s an affectation. You know how I know? Because Mischa is recreating the same Rite-Aid run that Lindsay Lohan took two nights ago. Only Lindsay had the decency to look genuinely strung out, like she was coming down off something and made the effort to appeal sober, and Lindsay also threw on some yeast-infectiony pleather shorts. All Mischa can manage is bedhead and a denim shirt. Poser. And only Mischa would be dumb enough to want to emulate Lohan’s crackhead status.

You might ask yourself, just how is Mischa relevant anymore? Well, she’s working! Sort of. She got a gig modeling for some German designer, and the images just came out this week. To say that they’ve been ‘Shopped is an understatement. Styleite notes, “Her waist is whittled beyond recognition and her legs — particularly her thighs — look like they’ve been trimmed and toned with the help of the trusty airbrush. But perhaps most egregious is the liberties they’ve taken with the 24-yeard old’s face.” No joke. I thought these were Avril Lavigne photos at first.

Mischa on June 29, 2010. Credit: Fame. Ads courtesy of Styleite.

Last Wednesday, Nylon Magazine held a party for something or whatever. Among the attendees for this party were Lindsay Lohan, Eli Roth, Brandon Davis and Mischa Barton. Mischa and Brandon are exes, and although they weren‘t photographed together, by most accounts, they did see each other at the party. Later that night, Brandon‘s Twitter account was updated with this message: “Omg. Just realized my ex turned in to 1 of the fattest people in the planet. I’m gonna start dating plus sized models. Not! Mischa the Hefer”. We reported this little incident on Friday, and many of us were enraged and firmly on Team Mischa.

Now Brandon is trying to eat sh-t. In Touch Weekly is running an “exclusive” statement from him that doesn’t really make any sense. Here you go:

Mischa Barton was said to be devastated after hearing about a recent Twitter post from ex-boyfriend Brandon Davis that made cruel comments about her weight. But now, Brandon tells In Touch exclusively that not only did he not make the taunts, he doesn’t even have a Twitter account!

“I would never say anything nasty about Mischa, especially about her weight,” the oil heir tells In Touch. “I am pissed that someone stole my identity and started Twittering things.”

Even his friend Michele Gargani knows he doesn’t do the whole Internet thing: “He has no clue what Twitter is, so it is obviously a fake account.”

One insider reports that Mischa has been offered $100,000 to publicly lose weight with Jenny Craig, although the company denies that claim. Besides, says the insider, “Mischa’s not that fat and is working out with a trainer to get her body back to what it was before.”

[From In Touch Weekly]

So is he saying that he doesn’t even have a Twitter account? Because he does. So that’s a lie. Or maybe he’s saying he has a Twitter account but doesn’t know how to operate it? Because obviously he does, he took down the insulting tweets and there are new tweets from him on the account now. See:

[From Brandon’s Twitter feed]

So he has a Twitter account, he knows how to update it, and he’s apologized via tweets. Now, did someone (Rick Soloman, the dude who boned Paris Hilton in that sex tape) post the stuff about Mischa? Could be. But I still think it was Brandon who did it. I mean, it’s not like this guy is some kind of gentleman and we can just take at his word. He’s a disgusting pig who likely badmouths his exes all the time. What else does he have to do all day, seriously?

Oh, and regarding the whole “Mischa is getting offers from Jenny Craig” thing? Give me a f-cking break, Jenny Craig. Mischa has put on like 15 pounds, and she’s now about a size six. She doesn’t need to diet! She needs to stop doing drugs and get a real job.

Many know Greasy Bear Brandon Davis from his various drunken, drugged out shenanigans and his absolutely horrible taste in women, from Paris Hilton to Mischa Barton to Avril Lavigne. He was also the dude who coined Lindsay Lohan “Firecrotch”. The man is disgusting, and a waste of space. A greasy waste of space:

Anyway, Brandon ran into his ex-grilfriend Mischa Barton at the Nylon Magazine party on Wednesday night, and he didn’t like what he saw in his ex. Meaning, he thought she looked horrible. So he took to his Twitter to insult her (although he’s pulled the message down now): “Omg. Just realized my ex turned in to 1 of the fattest people in the planet. I’m gonna start dating plus sized models. Not! Mischa the Hefer”. Yes, he spelled “heifer” wrong. Here’s more:

Brandon Davis has found another way to bring negative attention to himself, taking to Twitter to call his ex-girlfriend Mischa Barton a fat hefer. He caught sight of her at a party for Nylon Wednesday night in LA and unleashed this message: “Omg. Just realized my ex turned in to 1 of the fattest people in the planet. I’m gonna start dating plus sized models. Not! Mischa the Hefer”.

Brandon is an oil heir who is most famous for his oily complexion, dating Mischa Barton during her ‘O.C.’ days and calling Lindsay Lohan a firecrotch. Brandon was overweight until a couple of years ago. A partygoer said Mischa was upset by the encounter with her ex and left around midnight.

“She was chain-smoking the entire night,” the source told the Daily News. “Mischa was never without a cigarette in her hand — and a puss on her face.”

[From The Huffington Post]

Ugh. On one side, I do think Mischa looks like crap. But I haven’t said anything about her weight, have I? No. Only her drugged out face and horrible hair and crappy clothes. Because those are the things I get judgy about. Has Mischa gained weight? Of course. She recently got heavy criticism for pouring her slightly chunkier booty into some God-awful yellow pants that were at least two sizes two small. So part of this is just that the girl doesn’t know how to dress now that she’s no longer a size zero, for which I say, go ahead. It’s open season on bad fashion on not knowing how to dress for your body. But to call her a “hefer”? Ugh. Team Mischa.

Earlier, I was looking at these photos of Lindsay Lohan at a private party for Nylon Mag, and I was shocked at how okay she looks. Okay for Lindsay, that is. Obviously, the hair is f-cked (red roots!) and the outfit is jacked, but she looks vaguely sober. But you seriously never know with this girl. Anyway, I saw the Lohan photos before I realized what event this was – and who else came. As it turns out, Mischa Barton was the cracked-out mess of the party! You know she was f-cked up when she chose this outfit:

The white sandals are killing me. Mischa and Chloe Sevigny need a shoe intervention. Louboutins, stat! Oh, but it gets worse… check out the close-up of Mischa:

YIKES.

And finally, everyone’s favorite mother-tattler Eli Roth was there too. Eli’s heroin-soaked girlfriend Peaches Geldof didn’t make the party though – which is weird, because she actually works for Nylon. She writes a column for the magazine. I guess she sent her boyfriend in her place. What was she doing that was so important she would send her boyfriend to a work function? Oh right.

Damn, he’s cute. I wish he wasn’t such an epic douche.

In case you thought Lohan got off easy, don’t worry. After she made her sober-ish appearance at the party for Nylon, she continued to club-hop into the night:

That’s our crackhead!

Eh, I wasn’t even going to do this story just because I do feel a little sorry for Mischa Barton. She doesn’t elicit as much sympathy as someone like Britney Spears, and yet I do have more pity for Mischa than, say, Lindsay “Milkaholics Need Respect Too” Lohan. Granted, Mischa’s problems are of the same toxic blend of entitlement, dumb career moves, drugs, alcohol and laziness. But as far as has-beens go, Lindsay actually was something at one time. Mischa never really was… she was sort of famous and pretty for a few years on a TV show, and then nothing. Maybe that’s why I have slightly more sympathy for her? Eh.

Anyway, Page Six has a disgusting little blurb today about Mischa’s drunk, disgusting ass at Bar Marmont, which I assume is the in-house bar at the Chateau Marmont, where all the cool people hang out. Mischa was apparently “totally out of it” and she had to run outside to vomit. Because she’s classy.

Mischa Barton had a rough night over the weekend in Hollywood. A spy reports that the “O.C.” actress, who alternates between being on and off the wagon, rolled into Bar Marmont on Saturday alone and looking “totally out of it.”

Says our witness, “A few minutes after she comes in, she runs outside and vomits everywhere. And then she went back inside and hung out for the rest of the night.” A rep for Barton declined to comment.

[From Page Six]

It’s interesting that there’s no denial from Mischa’s rep, right? I mean, can a girl get a “Of course that never happened” or “It was food poisoning and exhaustion from working to hard on something”? So it’s probably true. Maybe if Mischa was Lindsay or one of the dumb celebrity girls, she could have gotten a food poisoning shout out. But her publicist probably hasn’t been paid in a while – considering Mischa is pretty broke. Sad.

This is Mischa Barton at Sunday’s Make-a-Wish Foundation’s red carpet in LA. It was… not a good appearance for Mischa. Look at her face. Does she look 24 years old? Or does she look more like 44? A hard 44, too. LaineyGossip points out: “We are obviously far from Season 2 of The OC but Mischa clearly can’t stop clinging to the Young Hollywood It Girl reputation that has long since been taken away from her. Actually no. She pissed it away herself, didn’t she? She did. And now what’s left is the stank of has-been that wafts around her. There’s some has-been settling in around her eyes too, tugging away at the edges of a once fresh, one beautiful face, now irreversibly marked by hard living and irresponsible decision making.”

More proof? Let me ask you this – just how broke is Mischa Barton? Very. So broke that she didn’t have the money to buy a tub of cooked pasta at a grocery store. So broke that two of her credit cards got declined, and she didn’t have any cash on her. So broke that even Lindsay Lohan is like, “Bitch, get yourself together.” Radar reports this sad/weird little tale as if it is an eyewitness account. It might be:

Mischa Barton was so hungry when she went grocery shopping on Monday night that she dipped into the groceries she was waiting in line to purchase and started eating some cooked pasta.

RadarOnline.com was there and watched Mischa and her hungry friend with amusement. But things took at bad turn when the former O.C. star went to pay for the already-eaten item and her credit card was declined! Uh oh. So she tried another card and that was declined too.

It all happened at Whole Foods on Fairfax and Crescent Heights and we watched as Mischa searched her purse for cash. No cash!

We always wondered what would happen in a situation like this. But Mischa’s friend quickly bailed her out, taking out his wallet and paying for their groceries. Poor Mischa looked upset and ducked her head.

Don’t feel bad Mischa — we would have paid for you but we had just enough money on us to pay for our groceries!

[From Radar]

I can’t even imagine. The only faux pas I’ve ever made like that is trying to pay with my check card when it’s someplace that’s cash only. But I had money in my checking account, for goodness sake. I wasn’t just like, “Try these credit cards, even though I haven’t paid the bills in years.” Meanwhile, Mischa is selling her big “starter mansion” that she bought in 2005, back when she was relevant. But don’t worry – she’s marked it up $2 million from what she paid. She must have upgraded the abode with a classy crackden/family room.

Do you notice something about the Mischa Barton situation – it’s a lot like the Lindsay situation, isn’t it? It’s like you don’t really feel bad for her. I mean, this is a girl with issues, with problems, but I’m pretty sure a lot of it is her own doing, her own sense of entitlement, her own biting of the hand that fed her. Did anyone catch her appearance on Law & Order: SVU a few weeks ago? It was terrible. She might have been the worst guest star ever. Horrible, cheesy New York accent, stilted, wooden acting and she looked like hell. I mean, I get that she was playing an abused hooker. But I don’t think the makeup people were trying to get her to look that bad.

Mischa Barton in LA on Sunday, March 14, 2010. Credit: WENN.

Mischa Barton can’t get her act together. Earlier this week we heard the sad story of how Mischa was unable to remember seven lines of dialogue during her guest spot on Law and Order. Mischa was allegedly stumbling over her lines and holding up production. The 23 year-old actress is now living in New York City, having uprooted from LA in order to film the now-canceled CW series “The Beautiful Life.” Mischa seems to have been counting on her salary and probably didn’t have a backup. The NY Post reports that she’s being sued for nonpayment of rent. She’s three months overdue and owes $21,000 to her landlord.

Add “paying her rent” to the list of Mischa Barton’s problems. The wild-child former “O.C.” star is getting sued by MRA Realties for allegedly stiffing it on three months’ rent for a $7,000-a-month loft on Walker Street. Neighbors said she cleared out of the building late last year, and they aren’t tearing up over the loss. One told The Post’s Edmund DeMarche, “When she wasn’t partying, she was moving furniture. She was always making noise.”

[From NY Post]

At least Mischa moved out and isn’t squatting there, hoping to stay until she’s served eviction papers. I find Mischa to be a little full of herself, but I’m also rooting for her and think that if she’s given the right chance she’ll be able to get back on her feet. She’s troubled, but not as much as some. We haven’t heard anything worrisome about her since she had that breakdown and hospitalization, and that’s a good sign I guess.

There’s a related story in The National Enquirer that claims that Mischa’s friend Nicole Richie is trying to help her lose weight through an organic primarily vegetarian diet. The Enquirer estimates Mischa’s weight at 165 pounds, which I don’t think is accurate as it seems too high, but she is 5’9″ tall. I think Mischa looks fine and just needs to dress better for her figure. She just needs to dress better in general, though, no matter her size.

Mischa in NY on October 23, 2009. Credit: WENN.