You know what makes me happy? The thought of O.J. Simpson being someone’s bitch in prison. Yeah I know the likelihood that he’ll go to prison is pretty slim – it’s O.J. after all, he could go all Rambo on the inside of a police precinct and somehow get away with it. And I know the likelihood that he’d be someone’s bitch is also pretty slim – but a girl can dream, right? And that’s my dream, because I have a frighteningly retributive nature. But after the thought of O.J. going to prison and O.J. bending over, the thing that makes me the next happiest is O.J. losing all his stuff to Fred Goldman & Company. I can’t believe the Juice has been able to live his lavish lifestyle for so long, but better late than never.

“A California judge on Tuesday ordered the ex-football hero to fork over a Rolex watch, among other items, to help satisfy the $33.5 million judgment for the wrongful deaths of ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson and her friend Ron Goldman. David Cook, a lawyer for Goldman’s father, Fred, said after Tuesday’s hearing that the Submariner Rolex could be worth anywhere from $5,000 to $20,000. ‘In this case, if it’s Mr. Simpson’s, then it would be ours,’ Cook told reporters outside the Santa Monica courthouse. Simpson’s Los Angeles-based attorney, Ronald Slates, expressed doubts about the Rolex’s authenticity and said he had already collected the timepiece from his client and planned to turn it over to Goldman’s camp by Tuesday afternoon. ‘Know any Rolex watches that sell for 125 bucks?’ he asked, noting that’s the amount Simpson told him he paid for it. But the lawyer conceded that if it is a knockoff, ‘it’s a pretty good copy.’”

[From E! News]

The very best part? If any of that “sports memorabilia” that Simpson was arrested for trying to steal back is found to actually belong to him, he has to surrender it – so he loses either way. Party up in here!

“Los Angeles Superior Court Judge Gerald Rosenberg also ordered the Naked Gun star to surrender any of the memorabilia from last month’s purported Las Vegas heist that is found to belong to Simpson. He is currently facing 11 criminal counts, ranging from armed robbery to kidnapping, for taking the items. Simpson, 60, has proclaimed his innocence, stating that all the mementos belonged to him and he was just conducting a ‘sting operation’ to get them back.

“As for the cache of memorabilia, Slates said he had no way of handing over any of it because Las Vegas police have confiscated it for evidence. Cook countered that Rosenberg’s ruling states that should Simpson be found to own any of the disputed collectibles, which reportedly includes footballs, jerseys and photos, then they must be given to the Goldmans. ‘As we said earlier, Mr. Simpson is going to walk out of Las Vegas bust. You’ve always heard that expression,’ Cook added. ‘He’s not walking away with that sports memorabilia. That’s what the judge ordered, and he’s going to literally walk away empty-handed for all his trouble.’”

[From E! News]

I wish you all could see my happy dance. It’s very undignified, completely unhinged, and totally worth it. I love to see this wife-battering murderer getting what he deserves. I doubt much of anything will wipe the smug grin off his face, but maybe living in a box down by the river might be a good start.

Thank you Charlotte Church, for letting us plebeians know how great it is to have lots of money and just be able to sit around on your ass. The ever deep, ever insightful British opera singer/television host said, “‘I really love having money, because it lets me be lazy. Work’s really overrated. If you’re lucky enough to get the chance to be a housewife then go for it.’” And that’s Charlotte Church’s deep thought of the day… and probably the next few weeks, too. Well, at least she’s honest.

“Charlotte Church loves being rich - because it means she can be lazy. The singer - who is expecting her first child with boyfriend Gavin Henson - says she’s quite happy being a housewife and can’t understand why people would want to work if they didn’t have to.

“Charlotte, who has a reported £5.5 million [about $10 million USD] fortune, said: ‘I really love having money, because it lets me be lazy. Work’s really overrated. If you’re lucky enough to get the chance to be a housewife then go for it.’

“‘I love my house in the country. There are sheep and rabbits there. It’s peaceful.’

“Despite having millions at her disposal, Charlotte insists she is quite frugal with her cash. She added: ‘The free accessories are almost the best part of being famous. I’m careful with my money, but when I think about having made my own money, I smile inside, even though I’m not flash. I’m a Marks and Spencer girl.

“‘I don’t buy diamonds any more. The only think I would really like is a yacht.’”

[From Monsters & Critics]

I don’t buy diamonds anymore. Well, at least for jewelry. Instead, I crush them into a paste - who am I kidding, I have my servant crush them into a paste - using an antique mortar and pestle, and then I smear the diamonds on my face as the world’s most expensive microdermabrasion. It sloughs off all the dead skin, and makes me 18 carat personality sparkle through. Blech. I really imagine Charlotte Church saying that in a valley girl accent, where every statement is a question while she twirls her hair around her finger. I know she made the money herself, but show a little gratitude. Or just pretend you have a marginally level head. Ever since I earned my first ten million, once a week I have my servant slap my silly, jut to keep me humble. Charlotte should try that. And she should let me do the slapping.

Picture note by JayBird: Here’s Charlotte, pre-pregnancy, at the Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest UK Premiere on 7/3/2006. Header image of Charlotte at the Glamour Women Of The Year Awards this past June. Images thanks to PR Photos.

Tobey Maguire married his longtime fugalicious fiancee Jennifer Meyer over the weekend. She’s actually not that fug, even though people are always saying that – she’s just “real woman” pretty. Which means not perfect, so points to Tobey for keeping it real. Or whatever. The two have been dating since 2003 and have a nine month old daughter, Ruby. They were married in Hawaii in an intimate ceremony in Kona.

“Tobey Maguire and Jennifer Meyer, who are parents to a 9-month-old daughter, have gotten married in Hawaii, PEOPLE has confirmed. Maguire, 32, and Meyer, 30, exchanged vows Monday in a sunset ceremony in Kona in front of a small group of family and friends, including Leonardo DiCaprio. The couple, who met in early 2003 and welcomed daughter Ruby in November, have kept their longterm romance fairly low profile.

“‘They are similar because they are very guarded around people they don’t know,’ a friend of Meyer, the daughter of Vivendi Universal Entertainment CEO Ron Meyer, told PEOPLE in 2003. Earlier this year, the Spider-Man star told reporters that he ‘loves being a dad.’ And his costar Bryce Dallas Howard praised both Maguire and Meyer for their parenting skills. ‘[Jennifer Meyer] is just an incredibly mindful parent. I mean, they both are,’ said Howard.

“Maguire, who has admitted to having a rocky childhood, has said that settling down and finding stability are important to him. ‘Growing up the way I did, I had a very serious ambition to make some money, to have some security and comfort in my life,’ the star told Parade in April. And becoming a father has led him to think about putting down roots outside of Hollywood, he said. ‘I’m at that stage where I have to start thinking about where I want Ruby to grow up and go to school…Even though L.A. is pretty laid-back, maybe it would be a good idea to try a different, less ambitious kind of atmosphere.’”

[From People]

Tobey’s one of those guys that just seems like he’d be a good dad. I know almost nothing about him, but he just has that look to him – something about the “I’m a good guy” expression. (We won’t count the smacking a camera out of a fan’s hand incident against him – I do it to my fans all the time). Celebitchy reported that Tobey is “notoriously tight-fisted” but that might be a good thing for his kids – perhaps they won’t fall into the traps a lot of celebuspawn find themselves in.

I was intrigued by the comments Tobey has made about his tough childhood, but couldn’t really find many specifics. Here’s a vague outline from Wikipedia.

“Maguire was born in Santa Monica, California. His father, Vincent Maguire, was a construction worker and a cook. His mother, Wendy Brown, is a secretary turned screenwriter and producer. His parents were 18 and 20 years old, and unmarried, at the time of his birth; the two married and subsequently divorced when Maguire was two. Maguire spent much of his childhood moving from town to town, living with each parent and other family members. During his childhood, Maguire entertained the idea of becoming a chef and to that end wanted to enroll in a Home Economics class as a sixth grader. His mother offered him $100 USD to take a drama class instead, and Tobey agreed.

“The nomadic nature of his school-age years began to take a toll on Maguire emotionally, and finally, after yet another relocation to yet another school, Maguire dropped out of his freshman year of high school and never returned, deciding to focus himself on his blossoming acting career. By 2000, Maguire had taken the GED to officially graduate from high school, noting that during his high school days, he’d reached a point where ‘I wasn’t doing school. I was showing up, but…not really giving myself.’

“By the mid 1990s, Maguire was steadily working but becoming caught up in the hard-partying lifestyle of some of his fellow teen actors. In 1995, Maguire requested director Allan Moyle to release him from his part in the movie Empire Records. Moyle agreed, and all of Tobey’s scenes were deleted from the final film. Maguire then sought help for an underaged drinking problem from Alcoholics Anonymous; he has been sober ever since.”

[From Wikipedia]

It sounds like he’s someone who’s worked hard for what he has, and isn’t going to let that slip away from him. There’s definitely been several stories about him being cheap and controlling, but it seems like his history explains that. How many people become famous and then throw all their money away on cars and drugs? It makes sense that security would be important to him, and I’m guessing that getting married was a big part of that. Congrats to the newlyweds, may they have many years of carefully timed babies and meticulously planned budgets in their future.

Picture note by Celebitchy: Tobey and Jennifer are shown at the Spiderman 3 Premiere in NY on 4/30/07. Images thanks to PRPhotos.

In 2005, Lindsay Lohan is said to have shocked her accountants by running up a million dollar bill at the Chateau Marmont hotel where she was staying. (And ultimately got kicked out of for her rampant partying.) Despite getting comped a lot of clothes, shoes, and purses, and stealing tens of thousands worth of clothing from her friends, she also spent $1 million shopping for crap she probably only wore once that same year.

It’s no surprise, then, that the woman who blew all her cash on clothes and drugs is now begging acquaintances for money. Lohan is said to ask just about everyone to give her $10k.

Lohan’s mom Dina has cut her off from her money after her latest DUI, but I bet she’s squandered most of her earnings on frivolous things anyway.

Lindsay, 21, resorted to begging, the sources, say, because her manager mom, Dina, has temporarily cut her off from what’s left of the fortune she made starring in hit films like Mean Girls and Freaky Friday.

“Dina must think Lohan is a serious addict, and she’s afraid if she gives her even $20, she’ll run out and buy drugs and booze,” says an insider close tot he family…

“Lindsay wants money - what she calls ‘cake’ - now,” says a source. She’s even asked guys she’s only met two or three times to hand over $10,000. That’s what she always asks for: 10K.”

Among the celebs Lindsay’s tried to hit up are 50 Cent and Music producer Damon Dash, the source reveals.

She’s also turned to former flames Steve-O, That 70’s Show’s Wilmer Valderamma and British Model Calum Best. She keeps getting turned down, but one music industry insider confesses that he did fall victim to her charms.

“When Lindsay asked me, after her second arrest, I kind of laughed because she’s a big movie star, right? Why does she need money from me?” the industry insider asks. “She explained her money was ‘tied up.’ She wasn’t even nice about it. She said ‘I’m good for it, I’ll make a huge comeback. I am, after all, the most famous person on the planet right now!’”

[From Star Magazine, print edition, September 10, 2007]

Steve-O? I saw was was supposed to be that guy’s apartment on Cribs once and it’s doubtful he has that kind of cash. Either that or he’s saving it all and just enjoys living like a college student.

It sounds like typical Lindsay to say “I’m the most famous person on the planet.” People aren’t even that interested in her anymore, she’s fading fast. If she can’t get money from random acquaintances, she still has one means to make a quick buck. She’s said to be arranging photo opportunities from rehab. Once the veneer on her fame has completely rubbed off she’ll be standing on street corners clutching a Voss water bottle, talking about how famous she is in that old lady voice of hers and screaming about how the world is just waiting for her. I’d give her a dollar.

As much as I like Angelina and Brad, I still like Jennifer Aniston too. I don’t feel I have to choose, though the three of them keep yelling at me to pick, and screaming about my “divided loyalties.” Or maybe I need to take more Xanax. But I’ve decided that I can love them all, because all three have good things going for them. Angelina tries to save/adopt the world, Brad has his New Orleans/love of spartan architecture, and Jennifer takes her friends on fancy vacations. All good things here. According to Star, Jen is quite the sugar mama, and her friends are very loyal to her and appreciative of it.

“‘Jennifer pays for everything all the time,’ insider tells Star. ‘If she plans a vacation, you know she’s footing the bill for her entire entourage. Jen’s assistant books it all. The planes, the cars, the hotels, the meals, the activities, the spa services, the clothes they wear on vacation, the cocktails – it’s so over the top! She’s like the sugar daddy everyone wishes they had, except she’s a woman! You could call her sugar mama!’

“Among the girls who’ve enjoyed luxury getaways courtesy of their de-pocketed [sic] pal: Actress Andrea Bendewald, who’s been close to Jennifer for more than a decade; movie producer Kristin Hahn, who broke off her working relationship with Brad Pitt after he divorced Jen, and yoga instructor Mandy Ingber, who bonded with Jen this summer during private yoga sessions at Jen’s Malibu home. On August 11, she took her posse to the swanky Ojai Valley Inn & Spa, an hour north of L.A. The benevolent beauty also splashes out on Cartier watches and spends thousands on baby gifts for her mommy pals.

“But is her open-pocket policy costing Jen her happiness? ‘Her friends really enjoy themselves, but I bet they’re afraid that she’ll find a serious boyfriend,’ the insider says. ‘That means no more free trips for them – and that’s why they seem to be hard on her dates. I’m sure they were brutal with her last boyfriend, Paul Sculfor.’”

[From Starpulse]

So now I just have to figure out a way to ingratiate myself to Jennifer Aniston. Seriously, it would suck if her friends were uber-critical of her boyfriends to keep Jen to herself, but I doubt that’s the truth. I’m sure she’d catch on after awhile. The article does make it sound like she’s basically bribing her friends to hang out with her. I would bet she likes to have a good time and knows that she can afford it, while it’s more of a strain on some of her friends. One (or some) of them is blabbing to someone, since a lot of her dirt seems to get out. But like I said before, I think most of the stuff written about her is tabloid conjecture. I think she’s made a pretty full life for herself based on her friends instead of a guy, and that’s great. And if she wants to make me her friend and take me to Paris with her, even better.

Picture note by JayBird: Here’s Jen on vacation in Hawaii with Courtney Cox this past weekend. Something tells me Courtney footed her own bill. Header image of Jennifer and Courtney in Malibu this summer. Images thanks to Splash Photos.

Rich people do the craziest things. Crazy rich people do even crazier things. I remember ten years ago when some person left all their money in their will to their dog, and it got a lot of press, but amounted to about half a million at most. Well Leona Helmsley, the billionaire who passed away last week - and was known since her 1988 tax evasion trial as the “Queen of Mean” - left $12 freaking million to her dog Trouble. She left $5 million to two of her four grandchildren, and cut the other two out completely “for reasons which are known to them,” according to the will. Ouch. You know how they say, “You can’t take it with you”? Well apparently you can’t, but you can be mean well beyond the grave. The two grandsons who did get money only get it on a contingency basis – they have to visit their father’s grave at least once a year. I wonder how they’re going to verify that?

“Real estate billionaire Leona Helmsley left $12 million in her will for her dog Trouble but cut out two of her four grandchildren entirely. Helmsley, the “Queen of Mean” who was famously quoted as saying “only the little people pay taxes” before going to jail for tax evasion, died August 20 at 87. The 14-page will was made public in Surrogate’s Court on Tuesday and reported in New York media on Wednesday, with the New York Post headlining the story “Rich bitch,” referring to the female dog.

“Trouble, a white Maltese, will be cared for by Helmsley’s brother Alvin Rosenthal, who was left $10 million. Two grandchildren, David and Walter Panzirer, will be left $5 million each as long as they visit their father’s grave at least once a year — Helmsley’s son, Jay Panzirer, died in 1982 — and her chauffeur will get $100,000. ‘I have not made any provisions in this will for my grandson Craig Panzirer or my granddaughter Meegan Panzirer for reasons which are known to them,’ Helmsley wrote. The will calls for Trouble to be entombed alongside Helmsley and husband Harry Helmsley, who died in 1997, in their $1.4 million mausoleum, for which Leona Helmsley set aside $3 million for upkeep including annual cleanings.”

[From Reuters]

Talk about a big bag of crazy. I’m not sure how old trouble is, but let’s say for argument that she’s 7 years old, and super healthy and could miraculously live another twenty years (because dogs fed diamonds can live a really, really long time). That would provide Trouble with $600,000 annually to live on. I’m not sure if dogs have to pay inheritance taxes. Now if Trouble invested that money wisely in a diversified portfolio with some good mutual funds, she could easily garner twice that a year and have more than enough to secure all her puppies futures. Though I’d stay away from those other two Helmsley grandchildren – something tells me Trouble is more than a little hated right now.

Images thanks to Splash Photos.

If you’re anything like me, you were probably sitting around, looking at your wall, and thinking, “Mirror mirror on the wall, who’s the richest rap mogul of them all?” If your mirror said Jay-Z, you should give it some Windex. Jay-Z was just named the richest rapper by Forbes.com. I thought they were supposed to spend their time talking about financial markets, stocks, and making people panic over real estate. But it seems that lately, Forbes is spending the majority of their time coming out with “The richest…” lists. Last week they had “The richest bald man” and “The richest one legged farmer.” Okay not really, but I would read Forbes a lot more if they did. Okay not really.

“Jay-Z wins all around, says Forbes.com. He’s got Beyonce on his arm _ and more millions than 50 Cent and Diddy. The rap icon, aka Shawn Carter, is No. 1 on the site’s list of “Hip-Hop Cash Kings,” based solely on 2006 income. He banked an estimated $34 million, Forbes.com said Thursday.

“Jay-Z, president and CEO of Def Jam Recordings, released his 11th studio album, ‘Kingdom Come,’ which sold around 2 million copies. Jay-Z, 37, is also part owner of the New Jersey Nets and has endorsement deals with Budweiser, Hewlett-Packard and General Motors.”

[From Forbes.com]

It might be good to be Jay-Z – yeah you have a lot of money, and Beyonce at your beck and call singing that “Cater 2U” song (blech) – but you’d also have to deal with that crazy mother of hers, Tina Knowles. You know, that lady that’s always trying to drape people in the fur of live puppies? Well her clothing line is one of the few out there that still uses fur, and to me it’s all the same thing. Who else makes a lot of money and doesn’t come wit the bizarre mother?

“Curtis ‘50 Cent’ Jackson ranks second with an estimated $32 million. The 31-year-old rapper-businessman oversees his G-Unit record label, clothing line, ring tones and other enterprises, and has sold more than 11 million albums. His latest record, ‘Curtis,’ is due out Sept. 11.

“Diddy (real name: Sean Combs) placed third with an estimated $28 million. A fashion plate, he has a clothing line, Sean John, and heads Bad Boy Worldwide Entertainment and its record label. Diddy, 37, is also host of MTV’s ‘Making the Band’ series.

“Rounding out the top five are Timbaland ($21 million) and Dr. Dre ($20 million). They’re followed by Eminem ($18 million); Snoop Dogg, Kanye West, Pharrell Williams and Scott Storch (all $17 million); Ludacris and T.I. (both $16 million); Outkast and Lil Jon (both $14 million); Ice Cube ($13 million); Jermaine Dupri and Swizz Beatz (both $12 million); Chamillionaire and The Game (both $11 million); and Young Joc ($10 million).”

[From Forbes.com]

You could be at the bottom of that group and still be doing pretty well for yourself. I have no idea who Swizz Beatz (sounds like the name of a cheap watch) or any of the guys after him are, but I’m pretty sure I could learn to love them, given the chance.

Picture note by JayBird: Here’s Jay-Z and Beyonce at the Black and White Ball. Header image of Jay-Z at Giant Magazine’s celebration of Rihanna’s new album on June 3rd. Images thanks to PR Photos.

Apparently going to jail raises your prices – a lot. While the average offender can expect their earning potential to take a dive after serving time, Paris Hilton seems to think it makes her a lot more marketable – five times more so, in fact. Last year, Paris charged $100,000 to make an appearance on New Year’s Eve. This year? Half a million. The delusional socialite seems to think that’s what an evening of her scintillating conversation and wonky eyed expressions are worth.

“Paris Hilton and Nicky Hilton are reportedly offering their hosting services for New Year’s Eve celebrations in Las Vegas - but with a $500,000 price tag. Paris is said to have asked for just $100,000 for the night’s appearance last year but with her sister, and after her jail-time, her price has gone up.

“A Las Vegas source told the New York Post: ‘Paris and Nicky are shopping their partying ways to Vegas at the price of around $500,000 - only they have the guts to ask for that amount - for a multiple-day New Year’s Eve bash.’

“’Paris will ”party” at a few spots and Nicky will bless the lucky host with a fashion show of her wares and model herself.’ But the source added that it’s unlikely that anyone will take them up on the deal because the tide is turning against the heiresses: ‘[the Hiltons] are so desperate now, they should be paying the clubs for good PR, not the other way around.’”

[From Fametastic]

Oh, snap! It’s true though. As much as I’m not a fan of either of the Hiltons, it’s telling that Nicky is willing to do something for her fee. I’m not saying it’s worth $10, but it’s better than just saying you’ll party at a few spots.

In news that makes A LOT more sense, Paris is a virus’s best friend. No, not just her well documented sixteen strains of herpes, I’m talking about computer viruses (this time). You know all that spam, viruses, trojan horses, and other weird computer things that mess up your system? Well they often use images and names of celebrities to tempt you into visiting their pages or opening their email. Who’s the number one name malware writers favor? Paris Hilton!

“Paris Hilton has topped the list of celebrities used by malware writers to tempt users into downloading a virus.

“Security software firm McAfee last month looked at the number of web pages with malware embedded and at spam containing virus attachments.

“Celebrities are often used to invite users to click on a malicious link or attachment, and McAfee has drawn up a top 10 list.

“Hotel heiress Hilton is number one, followed by pop star Amy Winehouse and footballer Cristiano Ronaldo.”

[From vnunet.com]

I knew Paris carried so many STDs that there were some that doctors had never seen before, but I didn’t realize they were so strong and advanced that they’d morphed into digital strains. That’s got to knock her price down to a good $450,000 for New Years Eve. Although a lot of doctors and scientists might be willing to show up with a load of Petri dishes. If they line the floor with them, a few of her bugs are bound to fall out.

Picture note by JayBird: Header image is Paris shopping at Fred Segal in West Hollywood yesterday. Image thanks to WENN.

It’s been a bad week for O.J. Simpson. But I hope every week is a bad week for him, so it makes me really happy to report that America’s number one murdering asshat has just received another financial judgment against him. A judge ruled that any earnings Simpson receives from lending his likeness to the video game “All-Pro Football 2K8” published by Take-Two Interactive Software, must be turned over to Fred Goldman, the father of murdered Ron Goldman. “All-Pro Football 2K8” features 240 former football greats, and Simpson’s virtual team is called “The Assassins,” and they have a knife-wielding mascot. That is really beyond disgusting. The double murderer will do anything for attention.

“The legal victory was part of an effort by Goldman’s estate to satisfy a $33.5 million judgment won against Simpson in a wrongful death suit brought against him in the 1994 stabbing deaths of Goldman and Simpson’s ex-wife, Nicole Brown Simpson. The former star running back was acquitted of criminal charges in 1995 at the end of a sensational murder trial but was found legally responsible for their deaths by a civil court jury two years later.

“Simpson has maintained his innocence and vowed never to pay the jury award voluntarily.

“In their latest bid to collect on the civil judgment, the Goldmans went after any licensing fees, royalties or other compensation Simpson was paid or will be paid for his name and likeness in the new video game, ‘All-Pro Football 2K8.’

“As previewed on a Web site for video game promotional trailers, the team mascot is a hooded figure who makes stabbing motions with a large knife in the end zone when the Assassins score. Simpson does not have to be assigned to that team, but he was in a clip shown on the Game Trailers Web site.

“Take-Two has declined to say how it obtained rights to Simpson’s name and likeness but said he was compensated. The company also has issued a statement saying the knife-wielding Assassins mascot is ‘not specifically associated with O.J. Simpson, and the game does not promote any such connection.’”

[From Reuters]

That’s great. Because the American public is just dumb enough to buy that baloney, right? I’m sure it’s all coincidental. And your company gets a ton of free press, albeit it negative. I just don’t get O.J. He has publicly proclaimed that if all his earnings have to go to the Goldmans and the Browns, then he won’t work another day in his life. I’m not saying lending your likeness to a video game or ghostwriting a book is hard work, but the guy knows the money is going to go to the Goldmans. They aren’t stupid, and they are vengeful. They have every right to be. You would think that, if nothing else, Simpson wouldn’t want to capitalize on most people’s belief that he’s a murderer for the sake of his children. Even if they believe their father is innocent (and they probably do, he’s their father and he’s raised them) their mother was still murdered, and it’s incredibly poor taste to make money off her horrifically violent death.

Toni Braxton, she of little clothing and the crazy nip slips, has been sued for breach of contract for not paying for her clothing. Ironic, no? Anthony Franco, a wardrobe and costume designer, sued Braxton for the $15,000 she still owes him for work he did for her “Toni Braxton: Revealed” Las Vegas show. Braxton was supposed to pay Franco $35,000 for designing the whole wardrobe for her show, and she wrote him a check for that amount. However she stopped payment on it. She eventually paid him $20,000 – leaving $15,000 still owed.

“Is there a chink in Toni Braxton’s business chain?

“The “’Unbreak My Heart’ chanteuse was sued for breach of contract Friday by a costume designer who claims Braxton bounced a check and has yet to pay their agreed-upon fee for his work on her Las Vegas show, ‘Toni Braxton: Revealed.’

“Plaintiff Anthony Franco, who says he designed the entire wardrobe for Braxton’s standing act at the Flamingo Hotel, claims he has only collected $20,000 of the $35,000 that’s owed to him and that the check he tried to cash was returned for insufficient funds because the defendants put a stop-payment on it.

“Liberty Entertainment Inc., which issued the check, has also been named as a defendant.

“Franco is seeking $15,000 in compensation, plus unspecified damages for the alleged slight, according to the complaint filed in Los Angeles Superior Court.

“Braxton’s reps have not yet commented on the suit.”

[From E! News]

Braxton has a history of money and management problems. She filed Chapter 7 bankruptcy protection ten years ago, owing almost $4 million. According to Wikipedia, “All of her personal household possessions were tagged and marked for sale to pay off her creditors, including her prestigious awards.” In January 2007 she filed a lawsuit against her ex-manager Barry Hankerson for “fraud, deception and double dealing,” for convincing her to leave her longtime record label for his own. Hankerson is the uncle of the late R&B singer Aaliyah, and was her manager as well. She lost the suit, in a big way – the judge ruled that she had to pay Hankerson $375,000 and a percentage of the sales from her next album.

Toni Braxton sorta seems to have a screw lose. I really hate it when celebrities are always losing their clothes. 99.9% of the population walks around everyday and is able to keep their naughty bits to themselves. It’s not that hard. It’s not indicative of classiness when anyone does it, but Toni is almost 40 years old – that’s way beyond the age where she can pretend to be dumb and not know what she’s doing. And she seems to think she doesn’t have to pay for things, services included. Here’s some super classy pictures of her performing.

Picture note by JayBird: Here’s Toni Braxton at the House of Blues in Chicago in March 2006. Header image is from the Something New Movie Premiere in January 2006. The last pic is from 27th Annual American Music Awards in January 2000. I just thought it was funny. Images thanks to PR Photos.