Is a new Madonna video enough of an event that I should blog my reaction to each and every second of this catastrophe/masterpiece? I would do that for Lady Gaga – does Madge deserve the same treatment? I think yes. Especially when it’s her first single in a long time, and especially since Madonna’s new video for “Give Me All Your Luv” is so… interesting. Please note: It didn’t even register to me at first that “Give Me All Your Luv” was the name of Madge’s NEW single. I really just glossed over that at first, thinking Madonna had already done a song called “Give Me All Your Luv.” Doesn’t it feel like she’s already had a similar-sounding song title? Right?

Anyway, here’s the video. My thoughts are below:

0:13 – Wait, M.I.A. is in here? Is anyone else startled by a collaboration between two pop stars who know so little about international politics yet both front like they’re experts?

0:24 – Madge looks like she was about to fall down and break her hip as she came out of the doorway. Excellent trench coat too.

0:31 – MADONNA BUTT CHEEK. REPEAT: MADONNA BUTT CHEEK.

0:37 – Just noticed Madge’s glove-lets. She really hates her hands these days.

0:50 – In the part where Madge is wearing the black two-piece leotard, her hair looks great.

1:02 – I don’t get the “high school football game” imagery. Why cheerleaders? Why football players? Why is Madonna so desperate to surround herself with jailbait-y images?

1:20 – God, this song SUCKS.

1:24 – Madonna dances like she’s afraid she’s going to pop a hip too.

1:50 – Grandma hip thrust! Gross. Why all the closeup cutaways to her crotch?

2:02 – We get it, Madge. You like to be carried around by nubile young beefcake.

2:10 – OH DEAR GOD. Madonna tries the Marilyn Monroe crap again, only this time she’s looking especially drag queen-y.

2:20 – M.I.A. and Nicki Minaj are doing Marilyn too. I’m so embarrassed for both of them.

3:24 – WATCH YOUR HIP!!

3:34 – Butt cheek.

3:36 – Baby toss? Terrible. Basically, this is just awful.

Additional pics by WENN.

This is painful in so many ways. Look, you know that I LOOOOOVE Joseph Gordon Levitt. He’s adorable, he’s incredibly talented, and he was robbed of an Oscar nomination this year for his beautiful performance in 50/50. In the past, I’ve had mixed feelings about his “music” but since I love him so much, I’ve accepted the “music,” especially when it involves JGL flashing his dimples at Zooey Deschanel while they sing “What Are You Doing New Year’s Eve?”

….But now I have to call a timeout. Because Joseph Gordon Levitt went to Sundance, and he got up on stage at an event and he covered The Beatles classic “Hey Jude”. And he killed it. Not “killed it” as in “Damn, that was good.” “Killed it” as in “JGL just completely trashed a classic song that you should only cover if you’re drunk or stupid.” Here’s the video:

This performance makes me uncomfortable. His eyes are closed, he’s concentrating, he’s really trying to sell this, and… he’s trying way too hard. Maybe if he had done it with a wink and a nudge? Maybe if he wasn’t on stage, acting like he was auditioning for American Idol? For God’s sake, JGL. STOP IT.

Thanks to Gawker for the tip!

Photos courtesy of WENN.

I love this story so much. I adore Hall & Oats and remember first hearing them when I was a kid. Their music is so catchy and fun. If you get one of their songs stuck in a loop in your head (like “Private Eyes” is for me now), it somehow manages to uplift you instead of irritate you. So it’s nice to hear that Hall & Oates aren’t sue happy like nearly the entire recording industry. Some guy started a “Callin’ Oates” hotline where you can call a regular phone number and listen to one of the duos 80s hits for free. Instead of sending the guy a takedown notice, their spokesperson issued a tentative statement that they’re very happy that people still love to listen to their music.

You might think Daryl Hall and John Oates would have a problem with their music being played for free through the crazy popular Callin’ Oates service — but it turns out the guys are thrilled about it … so far.

For the uninitiated … Callin’ Oates is a phone number you can call when you have a “Hall & Oates emergency.” Dial the number ( 719-26-OATES) press a button, and you have a choice between “One on One,” “Rich Girl,” “Maneater,” or “Private Eyes.”

The guys behind the site aren’t affiliated with Hall & Oates at all, but a rep for the group tells us they’re thrilled so many people are calling the number and listening to their music.

The rep tells us, “We had nothing to do with it and we’re still trying to to process what the company’s intentions are. But we’re always happy when people are interested in our music.”

[From TMZ]

They forgot “Kiss on My List,” “I Can’t Go for That (No Can Do)” and “Out of Touch“!

Like all good memes, it wasn’t exactly clear how and why this one got started or if it was an advertisement for something. It turns out to have been a project by a new employee at a company called Twilio, which provides a platform to build voice and text messaging applications. The Atlantic Wire has an article which explains how “Callin’ Oates” came about. Creator Michael Selvidge told The Atlantic that he spent his own money to fund the hotline and keep it running (he wouldn’t say how much, but hinted that it was substantial) and added that he did it as a fan, not someone who wanted to poke fun. “I do sort of recognize the cheesy factor but I actually do appreciate their music and I do actually listen to it and they are one one of my favorite bands. It’s definitely an affectionate thing.” Aw, that kind of warms my heart, just like Hall & Oates’ music.

Here’s a video showing how the hotline works. You can call it yourself at 719-26-OATES. This video will only play in the US, which makes me wonder if some RIAA honcho is going to step in and put the kibosh on this any day now.

Here’s Hall & Oates performing Maneater in 2008. They’ve still got it.

Header photo via Wikipedia and from 2009. Other images are of Hall and Oates performing in 2010. Credit: A. Gilbert / PR Photos

Here is the 14-minute-long music video for Lady Gaga’s “Marry the Night”. Gaga directed this monstrosity and I… can’t even start. I’m so over Gaga at this point… how can you still put up her, little monsters? She’s TERRIBLE. Gaga has described this as “An autobiographical film recounting my past, revealing my struggles + love for showbiz.” OK, I’m seriously going to try to get through this (for you), and I’ll put down my thoughts as they happen:

0:26 – Gaga changed her speaking voice again. Now she sounds even more like Madonna, especially when Madge was doing her “I’m an English countrywoman” thing. Right? Gaga’s voice is more clipped and Englishy.

0:37 – Her past is an unfinished painting? Do we have to be coked out of our skulls to “get it”?

1:16 – “Mint” will be big next Spring. Taking notes.

2:40 – She’s just as bad of an actress as Madonna too.

3:00 – Gah, I’m just going to skip ahead. God, Gaga must think her poop is High Art too. Invest in an editor, bitch!

4:50-ish – The music seems to be starting. Oh, good. Crackie ballerina.

6:00-ish – So this must be her writing process, correct? She sits in a room, does drugs and just acts crackie and thinks that it’s all so f–king brilliant.

7:00 – Oh, Madonna is in this? Oh, wait.

7:12 – “But I still had my Bedazzler.” OH GAGA. You’re so funny. How delightfully low-brow.

8:00-ish – Finally, the real music seems to be starting.

9:00 – Yikes, this song sucks. What is with Gaga’s 1980s fetish? All of her music sounds like it belongs on The Karate Kid soundtrack.

10:20 – This part looks like that other Madonna video, the one she did in the leotard.

11:00 – God, this sucks so hard. Do you mind if I quit? I have better things to do with my day.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Flub is at :30 to :40 minutes in
Remember earlier this year when Christina Aguilera flubbed the National Anthem during the Superbowl? I thought that she covered it up as well as she could in that she sang some other lyrics without pausing, but the consensus was that it was totally unacceptable, especially for a seasoned professional who’s performed the song in the past. Christina was deep in denial about it, and that was the beginning of a long, drunken precipitous downfall for her that’s going on to this day.

American Idol runner up Lauren Alaina, 17, was performing The National Anthem during a Detroit Lions vs. Green Bay Packers game on Thanksgiving. Unlike Aguilera, Alaina didn’t just make up some other words when she forgot the lyrics at just the second line. She skipped a few beats before she started singing again and you could hear the crowd booing during the awkward silence.

The season 10 runner up kicked off the Detroit Lions vs. Green Bay Packers game Thursday with a rendition of “The Star- Spangled Banner” that included an unforced error.

After singing “What so proudly we hailed, through the twi…”, she went totally silent (at about the 35 second mark).

Luckily, though, she was able to pick the song back up a few seconds later, finishing the line with “Whose broad stripes and bright stars…”, and then going on to complete the rest of the song with a smile.

Unfortunately, however, the Twitterverse had already caught on to Alaina’s Thanksgiving game day snafu.

She became a top 10 trending topic right after the incident. Yikes!

But we’re thankful she showed poise and persevered.

[From E! Online]

Well at least she recovered and sang the rest of the song. This girl is going to be dealing with the fallout from this for a long time, and it will probably affect her career quite a bit. It’s hard enough for American Idol contestants to maintain any kind of music career after that show is over.

Meanwhile Lauren’s boyfriend (or former boyfriend, it’s hard to tell whether they’re still together), winner Scotty McCreary, messed up his easy gig lip syncing at the Thanksgiving Day parade. The music had already started and the backing track had him singing a few words until he lifted up the mic and caught up with it.

These photos are from 8/12/11 and 6/11/11. Alaina has since lost weight. Credit: WENN.com

Kaiser covered the bigger names at last night’s American Music Awards, but here we have some more fashion for you. To start there’s Jenny McCarthy in purple Victoria Beckham. I would like this dress with some sexy strappy heels, but those booties are too informal for the red carpet. I really like her hair, that sideswept look is so pretty. Jenny’s makeup is a little severe, but it’s not terrible.

Audrina Patridge still working it like it’s 2006. She has a killer body but that’s a dress for Vegas, not an awards show. Look at her ridiculous stripper heels!

Here’s Julie Bowen getting it wrong again in a sparkly stripe tube dress. Her legs look great, I’ll give her that, but she’s looking gaunt otherwise, and that hair! It’s too messy looking.

Mary J. Blige was bizarre in animal print Cavalli. The print on that dress is way too realistic and it has a weird effect on the eye. It’s like she’s wearing a Halloween costume, not a dress. Plus she’s got on huge earrings that don’t really go with the look. Fug.

Katherine Heigl was also in Cavalli, in slightly more flattering plunging chiffon. I swear I can see her implant scar in one of these photos, and that dress just emphasizes how fake her boobs look. Her hair is not cute at all like that, but it’s short now so she probably didn’t know what to do with it. Katherine and her husband, singer Josh Kelley, presented the award for best Favorite Country Album, which went to Taylor Swift.

And Nicki Minaj wore an Oscar de La Renta gown with a lace bodice and lime green bubble skirt. It’s like she’s channeling Lady Gaga with her fashion and Katy Perry with her hair. Minaj took home awards for Favorite Rap/Hip-Hop Artist and Favorite Rap/Hip-Hop Album, for “Pink Friday.” I do like her shoes, she picked some nice strappy heels that didn’t overwhelm her already overwhelming outfit. For her, this look is pretty decent.

Thanks to JustJared and RedCarpet-Fashion Awards for the designer IDs. Photos are credit: Apega/WENN.com and Juan Rico/Fame Pictures

Selena Gomez, 19, went old school glam at the American Music Awards last night in silver satin Armani. She paired this stunning dress with Jimmy Choo heels that were a little too much, in my opinion. Gomez is vamping it up so much that she should have let this clingy dress with the deep neckline work its magic with some understated shoes. Still, her look is killer and I love her perfectly waved sideswept hair and elegant makeup. This is one glamorous, sophisticated look.

I can’t say as much for Selena’s date, her boyfriend widdle Justin Bieber. He looks like he overdid the pomade on his way to a meeting of the He-Man Woman Hater’s Club. (He’s Alfalfa and still plays the overeager boyfriend role.) Why is it that no matter what this kid does with his hair he still looks like a little twerp?

Bieber may have already taken a paternity test to put to rest a 20 year-old woman’s claim that he fathered her four month-old son. Bieber’s manager said last Thursday that his client was set to take the test the next day, Friday. Bieber’s accuser, Mariah Yeater, claims that she had a quickie with Bieber in a bathroom following a concert in Los Angeles last fall. Yeater’s story quickly fell apart when she was interviewed and seemed unable to remember basic details of that night. TMZ also uncovered texts in which Yeater stated that her baby was fathered by another man, an ex boyfriend. During her pregnancy she accused yet another man of fathering the baby. So it looks like the only woman for Justin is Selena. I would say “awww,” but it still kind of creeps me out.

Photo credit: Juan Rico/Fame Pictures and Apega/WENN.com

Here’s my favorite German celebrity, Heidi Klum, 38, in a silver cutout Giles Deacon dress paired with Nicholas Kirkwood python slingbacks. Just glancing at the thumbnails, I thought we were seeing Heidi’s bra through her dress. What we’re seeing is a blue lace bodysuit that’s not a feature of the dress. It’s bizarre, and while the dress is striking with that delicate pattern on silver, there’s too much going on with the lace underneath paired with those busy cutouts. The dress would look cleaner with a solid color under it to highlight the design.

I like the dress in theory and find it kind of amazing, but with those shoes and Heidi’s messy hair and grungy makeup it just doesn’t work. All she had to do was go easy on the eyeliner underneath her eyes and wear a simple black slip. She pushed the envelope though, and this time it just didn’t work.

In contrast, Jennifer Morrison really rocked that billowy Temperley London dress with gold Fendi peep toe heels. I might not like this dress with different styling, but her hair, makeup and those shoes are perfect. Red Carpet Fashion Awards, where we get a lot of our fashion IDs, points out that the runway version of this dress has cut out shoulders. (Have you been watching “Once Upon a Time” on ABC with Morrison and Ginnifer Goodwin? It’s cheesy but I really love it.)

Also in white we have Vanessa Minnillo looking a mess with a Snookie poof and a tight little dress with nude suede heels. I don’t mind messy waves in hair when it looks soft and tousled, but this bedhead wave look has got to go. Minnillo is trying too hard here.

Jane Levy and Cheryl Hines are both on Suburgatory, that new ABC sitcom also co-starring Jeremy Sisto. I watched the pilot and just found it hard to get into. Anyway Jane is cute in this strapless off white lace number, but those shoes have got to go. Cheryl looks ridiculous in that pale peach dress with the asymmetric hemline. Her hair is so bad too.

And I’m going to end with Alanis Morrissette in a black mullet dress with her husband, Soul Eye. These two are adorable together! I’m not a fan of that dress as it it has a bizarre cut and fit, but her shoes are gorgeous and I want them so much. I really like her makeup, but I can’t decide if I like her hair like that or not.

Photo credit: WENN and Fame

On Friday Coldplay performed on the Today Show to promote their new album, Mylo Xyloto. They were impressive and I considered covering that just for the music alone. At this point I’m not a huge Coldplay fan, but I loved their first album and I still have a soft spot for them. They’re talented, they make good music and they can give a hell of a performance. Well we’re into next week now and sure enough there’s a story about Chris Martin behaving like a dick during promotion. It’s well known that he hates to talk about his famous sanctimonious wife, he’s never done a red carpet with her and he once asked a female journalist what her favorite sexual position was when she asked him an innocuous question about whether he’d ever do a duet with Gywneth. Another time, he punched a guy in the chest for mentioning Gwyneth’s ex Brad Pitt. He could just hate to do interviews also, he once walked off a BBC interview when it took at turn he didn’t like. (Which didn’t have anything to do with Goop, supposedly.) It seems like Martin has been softening a little bit on his stance about talking about Gwyneth. In a recent CBS interview, he compared marrying Goop to “winning the lottery.” Well he’s not ready to talk about her much, though. He hung up on a radio interview when they asked him too many questions about her.

This news comes via Lainey Gossip and I had to listen to over 10 minutes of jockey chatter before I got to the heart of the story. I guess four people were on the air asking questions, and a lot of questions were about Gwyneth, since they figured Martin had opened the floodgates already with that CBS interview. Martin let out a sigh and hung up on them during the interview, which was not yet aired and wasn’t live. After he hung up, Martin called back and said that he didn’t object to any particular questions and that it was more about the fact that too many were coming at once. The interviewers thought it did have to do with Gwyneth, though.

There were no restrictions on what we can or cannot ask.

After the interview, we’re all sitting there and we’re shaking our heads after he hangs up on us. We’re all not sure what went wrong here… He calls back, gets his people on the phone…

I said “Gwyneth Paltrow tweeted that this next album is a masterpiece. I said ‘she sort of has to say that right?’”

He hung up, then he called back and asked to talk to him off the air.

He said “I’m just not used to that many people asking me that many questions so quickly. I just was uncomfortable.”

He never said “I didn’t want to talk about Gwyneth… I wasn’t comfortable with the interview,” is what he said.

He was trying to stress that he was overwhelmed by the questions.

He kept saying he wasn’t offended…

He then requested that we not run it. “You don’t have to play that.”

[From audio on The Bert Show]

So what’s going on with this dude? If he doesn’t want to talk about his wife, that should be specified up front. Given his history at freaking out over questions about her, most interviewers should kind of know not to bring it up. I’m not saying he had the right to hang up, just that it’s an obvious sore spot for him. He’s also really touchy. Couldn’t he have just said “one at a time please?”

I’m hoping they release the full interview tomorrow. I’d really like to hear it.

Update: Thanks to Sadie for letting me know the audio of the interview is up. It’s the second audio link on this page and it starts at the 11:00 mark. Chris at first says he’s “not very good at answering these questions,” then when the interviewer asked about Gwyneth tweeting that the album was a masterpiece, around 6:00 in, he lets out a sigh and hangs up. As another DJ mentions, Chris started getting pissy when Goop was mentioned. There weren’t too many questions coming at him per se, it was just too many questions about Gwyneth.

photo credit: WENN.com

It was less than two weeks ago when Beyonce debuted the music video for “Countdown”. I hated the song, and the video, which was… ridiculous, just in and of itself. But then two seconds after “Countdown” debuted, everyone was like, “Hey, Beyonce totally stole large chunks of the video from a famous Belgian choreographer.” And the Belgian choreographer was all, “Seriously, she did steal my sh-t.” And then everyone kind of forgot about it because a few days later, Beyonce “baby bump” collapsed as she sat down for an interview.

So now Beyonce is hoping for a do-over, I guess, because she’s releasing yet another new video, this time for “Love on Top”. I really liked this song when she performed at the VMAs (so much so that I downloaded it and it’s my new jam on the treadmill). So, I was already prepped to give the video the benefit of the doubt. And now that I’ve watched it… eh. It’s okay. It’s not mindblowing, but at least it’s not edited like everyone who worked on post-production was doing lines of coke every two seconds.

You know what I’m going to talk about, right? THE HAT! The bump full of mystery! Now, considering that Bey debuted “Love on Top” as a single when she performed at the VMAs in September, it’s perfectly possible and probably that she filmed this video months ago. Like, maybe August or early September, back when her stomach was completely flat. But that goes back to the original question about how much she was padding it at the VMAs.

Beyonce on Sept. 30:

On October 14:

Photos courtesy of Fame and Pacific Coast news.