Axl Rose has an odd idea of album promotion. The long awaited Guns n’ Roses album, Chinese Democracy, was released after a 15-year wait on November 23rd. But no one has been able to find Rose for the last 2 months.

Despite all the effort put into one of the most extravagant rock albums of all time, staff could not contact Axl to get him to promote his rock epic.

In fact, they failed to make contact with him from the day he delivered the final cut.

Chinese Democracy’s first week US sales are between 300,000 and 500,000. Yet their 1987 debut album Appetite For Destruction went on to sell a staggering 28million, so they have a long way to go with their new effort.

An insider said: “Everyone knows Axl is a bit of a maverick genius and won’t do anything he doesn’t want to do.

“The label is really glad to have him back. But it is frustrating because the album would have had a much better chance of going to No1 if he had only been prepared to show his face.

“People have been trying to contact him for two months and he’s been completely AWOL.

“You would have thought after spending 15 years on an album you might do a few weeks promotion.”

[From The Sun]

But the reason no one can find Axl may be an even bigger payoff if the rumors are true. Rumor has it Axl is trying to get Izzy Stradlin and Slash back into Gn’R. Stradlin has said publicly that he’d like to see the original band back together and Slash’s group Velvet Revolver is all but kaput. Slash has been putting together a solo album with various featured singers since he knew Revolver was failing. After seeing how well Chinese Democracy is doing, though, even without proper promotion he may be persuaded. There’s a lot of water under that bridge for Axl and Slash, but money has motivated bigger rivals to put aside their differences before.

Axl Rose is shown out on 7/3/06 in London. Credit: Bauergriffin

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice had one of her dreams come true. She got to play a private piano concert for the Queen of England last night. Rice is currently visiting the U.K. for the last time as secretary of state and is giving farewell speeches and saying adieu – in addition to spending some quality time with the London Symphony Orchestra. Or what the rest of us call an average Monday night.

Live from the palace - Condi Rice on piano!

U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice performed in a piano quintet Monday night for Queen Elizabeth II at Buckingham Palace.

Rice played Brahms’ Op. 34 with British Foreign Secretary David Miliband’s wife, Louise, on violin, and three members of the London Symphony Orchestra.

The queen gave Rice an audio recording of the performance as a gift.

Rice is a classically trained pianist who had expressed a wish to play at the palace.

She was making her final trip to Britain before President-elect Barack Obama takes office next month. On Tuesday, she gave a farewell speech to NATO foreign ministers in Brussels.

[From the Huffington Post]

I have to admit, one thing that I do like about Condoleezza Rice is that she’s so well-rounded. Rarely do you see a concert level pianist who’s also a member of the President’s cabinet. Rice’s mother was a music teacher, which explains her gift. She was originally a music major in college before she switched to political science. The Telegraph notes, “At 15 she performed Mozart’s Piano Concerto in D minor with the Denver Symphony Orchestra .” I wonder if Hillary Clinton is going to be able to top her in that regard?

Here’s a short piece the Telegraph did on Condoleezza’s performance.

Spinner.com compiled this list of the 12 Worst Christmas songs of all time. Some of these songs are obvious choices, while I count a few among my guilty Christmas pop song favorites. Commenters on Spinner say that notable songs that belong on the worst list are Christmas Shoes and Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer.

1. Do They Know It’s Christmas - Band Aid (1984)

File this, charitably, under Good Intentions. The cream of the U.K. pop crop — including Bob Geldof and the guy from Spandau Ballet — banged this out in one 24-hour session. Unfortunately, despite the heroic tub-thumping of Phil Collins, it sounds like it. And — with lyrics like “Tonight thank God it’s them, instead of you” — you can’t exactly take it out caroling.

[From Spinner.com]

2. “Please, Daddy (Don’t Get Drunk This Christmas)” - John Denver (1975)

3. “Oi To The World” - No Doubt (1997)

4. “Merry Christmas (I Don’t Wanna Fight Tonight)” - The Ramones (1989)

5. “Merry Christmas with Love” - Clay Aiken (2004)
This is a user-created video

6. “Santa’s Beard” - The Beach Boys (1964)

7. “Christmas Conga” - Cyndi Lauper (1998)
This is a user-created video from the Star Wars Galaxies video game

8. “Santa Claus is Coming To Town - Bruce Springsteen (1981)
Starts at about 1:30 in.

Even though he’s darn near as sainted as St. Nick himself, Bruce is capable of laying the occasional lump of coal. We’ve got no beef with rollicking through this sloppy number live, but do radio stations really have to play it 5,000 times every December? And, yeah, we get it … Clarence wants a new sax.

[From Spinner]

9. “8 Days of Christmas” - Destiny’s Child (2001)

10. “Christmastime” - The Smashing Pumpkins (1997)

11. “Wonderful Christmastime” - Paul McCartney (1979)

12. “Santa Baby” - Madonna (1987)

The Best Christmas songs, according to Spinner, are:
1. “Christmas in Hollis” - Run-DMC (1987)
2. “Happy Xmas (War Is Over)” - John Lennon/Yoko Ono (1971)
3. “Blue Christmas” - Elvis Presley (1957)
4. “River” - Joni Mitchell (1971)
5. “Santa Claus Go Straight to the Ghetto” - James Brown (1968)
6. “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” - Brenda Lee (1958)
7. “Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)” - U2 (1987)
8. “Someday at Christmas” - Stevie Wonder (1967)
9. “Christmas Is the Time to Say I Love You” - Billy Squier (1981)
10. “Candy Cane Children” - White Stripes (2002)
11. “Pretty Paper” - Willie Nelson (1979)
12. “I Want an Alien for Christmas - Fountains of Wayne (1997)

One song Spinner forgot to add to the best Christmas songs is “Peace on Earth/Little Drummer Boy” with Bing Crosby and David Bowie. That should be near the top of the list. Hope you’re getting in the Christmas spirit this time of year.

Header image thanks to Cayusa on Flickr.

There are a lot of things that offend me in life. Rude shoppers at the grocery store. Dogs in restaurants. PT Cruisers. But one of the things I find even more offensive than the world’s stupidest car is the world’s stupidest person recording an album. And the fact that it’s her second album just makes it all the worse. That’s right; Paris Hilton says she’s completed all the work on her second CD. Never mind that her first CD didn’t sell and got predictably horrible reviews.

Paris Hilton may not be dating a rocker anymore, but she still has music on her mind. The celebutante caught up with EW.com backstage at last week’s American Music Awards and told us that she has finished her second album, featuring production by Mike Green (Paramore, the Matches), and is deciding what to do next, now that she’s no longer at Warner Bros. Records. “I wrote all the songs,” Hilton beamed. “It’s very dance, like Kylie Minogue.” As for who might put it out? “I’m figuring it out right now,” she said. “I’m not sure which label I’m doing it with.”

[From Hollywood Insider]

She wrote all the songs? That’s definitely the best way to ensure they suck a million times more than “Stars are Blind.” I would love to hear how a Paris Hilton-penned lyric would go. Something tells me it involves very obvious rhymes like “cat” and “sat.” It just goes to show what money and a wonky face will get you. Considering Paris is a promotion professional, it said a lot about her music that she didn’t promote her first album at all. I assumed that meant someone knocked some sense into her, but I guess that was just a pipe dream.

Here’s Paris launching ‘Fairy Dust By Paris Hilton’ at Macy’s at the Woodbridge Center Mall in New Jersey yesterday. Is it me or is she definitely getting uglier? Images thanks to WENN and Fame.

Music videos are getting more and more surreal these days. There once was a time when a video was as simple as DeBarge driving around in a convertible singing and smiling at each other. Madonna pushed the envelope with burning crosses in the dark, and that was considered out there at the time. More recently Rhianna delved into bondage and strange blank-eyed zombie contact lenses for effect. Now, Pink has to go and take the music video where pop music hasn’t gone before.

In the new video to Pink’s latest song “Sober,” Pink plays most of the women in the strange, dirty, underground party scenes that fall somewhere between gothic and poker den. She interacts with herself in many ways, glances, phone calls, comforting, smiles and sex.

Talk about falling in love with yourself. Well, U.S. singer Pink seems to know all about that.

In her latest music video Sober the star gives narcissism a try as she makes love to herself.
The sultry scenes see the So What singer don fishnet tights and a black bra as she gets acquainted with a double of herself.

The video was created using camera trickery and digital mastery in order to present a convincing interaction between the two Pinks.

Despite the title track, the singer hardly stays tee total during the video.

At times she is seen guzzling down alcohol and partying, and in one scene viewers will see Pink jostle with her clone’s bra straps.

[From Daily Mail]

There’s more than bra straps jostled with. Pink has some serious foreplay with herself before getting up and walking out without completing the act. I’m sure this is supposed to mean something really deep but I’m just not cool enough to get it, I suppose. It’s got to suck when it’s yourself that gets up and walks out on you before you get any satisfaction. Oh, and Pink goes for the all-black iris contacts for effect.

I do like Pink, I love her voice, but I think she should leave the gothic churches, dark clouds, black lace and white dresses to Amy Lee. The song is deep and dark, I get it, but the video really is just weird. It feels like it’s trying too hard to be Twilight, or, an Evanescence video.

Britney Spears is doing some major traveling to promote the release of her upcoming album “Circus.” Brit is currently in Europe and is scheduled to be on a French reality show called “Star Academy” on Friday. The article about it is in French, but according to one of our readers it’s a reality singing competition where the singers are called students and they’re trying to learn how to perform, and each week someone is voted off. Right now there are five “students” left. There’s also a publicity video that says something along the lines of Britney finally being back in France after four years.

Right now Britney is in Germany doing album promotion and was in Frankfurt yesterday. She’ll be back in the states by Tuesday when her album finally drops – and she’ll be throwing a major birthday party for herself.

NOBODY thought Britney Spears could come to New York for her birthday and not have an outrageous bash. Spears has long planned to drop her album, “Circus,” on “Good Morning America” on Tuesday to coincide with her 27th birthday. That night, Page Six hears, an all-out bash is planned at Tenjune that will be “a very private, Circus-theme event.” The pop tart is quite familiar with the place, having spent many pre-rehab nights there dancing on the tables.

[From Page Six]

Lovely. What a way to move on with your new, successful life – by having an homage to your old crazy one. According to most of the rumors I’ve heard, Britney is going to be the surprise celebrity lighting the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree on Wednesday night. Some people said that was a little too good to be true, but considering she’s confirmed plans to be in the city the day before, it certainly doesn’t sound that far-fetched. I’m sort of tempted to go – just to see if Jamie Spears has to hold Britney’s hand when she flips the switch or something.

Thanks to reader Mireya for the Britney tip!

Here are video grabs from Sydney Television Channel 7; from their world exclusive interview with Lynne Spears about her book, including a first glimpse of Britney’s new video of her single track “Circus.” Images thanks to Fame.

Britney Spears is really amping up the interviews in preparation for the December 2nd release of her next album, “Circus.” She had a long chat with Rolling Stone – who described the ordeal of interviewing her as a “rigorously micromanaged process.” Britney’s obviously trying to get some positive press and get the media to cover her in a more flattering light. Part of this involves discussing and explaining the past, which must feel awkward for her.

Britney seemed pretty candid in the interview. She talked about the struggles of dating, because she always needs to have security around her. So if she goes out with a guy and it turns out she’s not into him, Britney can’t make the graceful emergency exit the rest of us can.

[Manager Larry] Rudolph says, “Her job is to be Britney Spears, and unfortunately, that job bleeds into her personal life and creates this odd situation where she needs to have security people around her all the time.”

That goes for dates, too. Recently, Spears was accompanied by her assistant, Brett, and Rudolph’s colleague, Adam Leber. “Right when we got there, we just knew it was just bad,” Spears says. “He looked like an older version of Harry Potter, but skinnier. … So I had to get dessert first. And the other date I had, the guy was really, really tall and a lot older. … We’re trying to ask him questions, like, ‘OK, you’re into martial arts, so what kind of martial arts are you into?’ And he was like, ‘Oh, all kinds.’ … But you know how silly we are, so we were just cracking up.”

[From USA Today]

I imagine that going on a date with Britney Spears would be pretty nerve-wracking as it is. Having chaperones and security people around must make it feel like a job interview. I’m not sure I could come up with much to say either if I were in that situation. Celebitchy is wondering if the guy Britney was describing is Salvatore D’Angelo, who she went out on a date with last week. That could make sense except that in my opinion this guy is seriously hot, and could never legitimately be described as “Harry Potter, but skinnier.” He could be the second guy she’s referring to, but he doesn’t seem that much older than Britney. It sounds like she’s getting set up on dates since she appears to be surprised by the guys.

Britney also says that Sean Preston has said the F word and both of her kids are saying words like “stupid” – and that they learned them from K-Fed.

She turns serious on the topic of her children. Despite losing custody of her sons, Preston, 3, and Jayden, 2, to her ex-husband Kevin Federline, Spears has been able to see them more often, thanks in part to the conservatorship.

“Every time they come to visit me, I think about how they’re such special people,” she says.

She is critical of her ex and says the children “are starting to learn words like ’stupid,’ and Preston says the f-word now sometimes. He doesn’t get it from us. He must get it from his daddy. I say it, but not around my kids.”

[From USA Today]

Kids legendarily pick up on the naughty words as much as the good ones. Just saying it once or twice but reacting in a certain way tips them off. I doubt Britney is able to completely keep herself from saying the F word around her kids but use it elsewhere. It’s bound to slip out a time or two if she uses it at all. But I’m all for blaming K-Fed; we hardly ever get to say anything bad about him anymore.

Britney has her entire album streaming on her website, which is a really unusual move. You can listen to all of it here. I tried… it’s a little repetitive for me. But considering all the hype and publicity, I’m guessing it’ll still sell really well.

Here’s Britney her dad Jamie arriving at LAX airport yesterday. Images thanks to Fame.

John McCain is suing the pants off of Jackson Browne. For suing the pants off of McCain. The failed presidential candidate says Browne just sued him to drum up some publicity for his upcoming album. According to McCain it had nothing to do with him using Browne’s song without his permission. Way to make sure you never take the blame for anything dude.

John McCain is returning Jackson Browne’s August lawsuit complaining about McCain using his song “Running on Empty” during his campaign by claiming Browne is just trying drum up publicity for his own album, reports TMZ.

McCain’s lawyers filed a response, saying Jackson complained so he could get press to promote his new album, which came out a month later.

J-Mac also makes the argument he could use the tune whenever and where he wants because he was running for Prez, not trying to make a buck off it. If the court buys this “political speech as public interest” claim, it pretty much means curtains for a bunch of other musicians who were PO’d about their songs being used by the GOP.

The list of other acts mad at McCain for playing their songs includes Van Halen, Heart, Foo Fighters and more.

[From the Huffington Post]

You know, suing a guy is not the cheapest thing. I’m sure if Browne were trying to drum up publicity he could have found more cost-effective ways to do it. I think that he – like so many other musicians – was just mortified and offended to be associated with the GOP in any way. And he was angrier about it than a lot of others who just sent McCain’s camp cease and desist letters.

The Foo Fighters pointed out how un-American it was for McCain to use artists’ music without their permission, since it showed a total disregard for their intellectual property rights. Hopefully McCain’s lawsuit will be tossed, Browne will win his suit, and the senator can apologize for being suck a jerk. He’s well known for apologizing.

Here’s Jackson Browne performing “Running on Empty” with Bruce Springsteen, another Democratic supporter, in East Rutherford, NJ in 2004.

Joe the Plumber hit the jackpot. With a simple question to a Presidential candidate, Sam “Joe” Wurzelbacher became world famous after becoming the most oft mentioned subject in the last Presidential debate of 2008. While proclaiming that he doesn’t like the attention that resulted, Wurzelbacher did the natural thing and granted a few interviews and made a few public appearances with his candidates of choice.

But now, Joe the Plumber is hoping to parlay his accidental notoriety into something not at all to do with plumbing, taxes or politics. Wurzelbacher has hired a Nashville PR firm to represent him and is actively seeking a recording contract.

John McCain’s favorite talking point, Joe the Plumber, will take the next natural step in his career, evolving from contractor to … pop star. Obviously. Despite recent protestations that he doesn’t like the limelight, America’s newly minted everyman recently signed with a Nashville PR firm to “create new career opportunities, including a shift out of the plumbing trade into stage and studio performances,” reports Politico.

While any seasoned Angeleno knows that having an agent just means you have someone who’ll call in your restaurant reservations for you, it’s only a matter of time before Samuel Wurzelbacher (”Love the name, babe! Change it.”) bleaches his teeth, acquires the requisite arm candy (Kellie Pickler? Jessica Simpson?) and starts getting turned away from Foxtail.

What might “Joe the Plumber: The Album” sound like? If the past truly is prologue, as every pundit nowadays is so fond of saying, perhaps the story of another humble working man with dreams of musical greatness might shed light on Joe’s future. His name was also Joe, but he drove a taxi and lived in France.

[From Los Angeles Times]

They speak, of course, of Vanessa Paradis’ hit French song, Joe le Taxi, which I will not be able to get out of my head again all day. The song was about a normal Joe, a taxi driver who dreamed of being more, something bigger, of playing his saxaphone with Xavier Cugat. It really is a catchy tune, too.

Which is what Joe le Plumber hopes to be making. I can’t fault anyone for taking advantage of an opportunity when thrust upon them, heaven knows I certainly would. But you don’t start it out by complaining about the intrusion on your life. Wurzelbacher spent the first week after his name was pounded into the history books talking to reporters with an annoyed look on his face, relating how there was so much press around and his phone wouldn’t stop ringing. The second week he spent making the talk show circuit and Republican rallies. The third week he decided he wanted to win a Grammy. Joe, Sam, whatever your name is, enjoy it while you have it, because when you’re pushing that debut album on the American public, you’re going to be praying for the phone to be ringing off the hook and even a fraction of the press you’ve had the pleasure of this last month.

Politico is reporting that political celebrity Joe the Plumber has taken steps to pursue a recording career as a country music singer. Joe rose to fame a couple of weeks ago when he was mentioned by John McCain in the final presidential debate.

No doubt that Joe’s upcoming country album will feature songs that draw on his rich life experience and recent notoriety as a conservative spokesman. Here is a list of likely song titles:

Achy Breaky Water main

The Bald-Headed Stranger

Ring of Bathtub

Before the Next Faucet Drips

Grandpa McCain (Tell Me ‘Bout the Good Old Days)

Holding Wrench, Loving You

Kiss a Palin Good Morning

Ode to Johnny M

Cold, Cold, Faucet

Every Which Way But Loose (Stuck Pipe Blues)

Old Dogs, Children, and Water main Line

Coal Miner’s Plumber

Mamas Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Liberals

Hilary Duff’s new video, featuring samples from “Personal Jesus”

The bastardization of all that’s sacred is complete. Hilary Duff’s latest single is a blatant rip-off of one Depeche Mode’s biggest songs, Personal Jesus, except she changes the loner-and-loser lyrics to bubble-gum sexual innuendo-lite and steals Britney Spears’ vocal machine.

For all you youngsters out there, Depeche Mode was the emo of the 80s. I’m obviously showing my age, but People are People instantly transports me back to junior high school dance parties.

Personal Jesus was released in 1989. It was actually inspired by Elvis Presley, according to band member Martin Gore.

It’s a song about being a Jesus for somebody else, someone to give you hope and care. It’s about how Elvis was her man and her mentor and how often that happens in love relationships; how everybody’s heart is like a god in some way, and that’s not a very balanced view of someone, is it?

[From Wikepedia]

It’s also about being alone and having someone just as lonely to comfort you in your solitude. When you’re 18 and about to move 1000 miles away for college where you have no friends, it’s bloody brilliant.

Here are some of the lyrics:

Your own Personal Jesus
Someone to hear your prayers
Someone who cares
Your own Personal Jesus
Someone to hear your prayers
Someone who’s there

Feeling unknown
And you’re all alone
Flesh and bone
By the telephone
Lift up the receiver
I’ll make you a believer

Take second best
Put me to the test
Things on your chest
You need to confess
I will deliver
You know I’m a forgiver

Reach out and touch faith

Here are the lyrics to the Hilary Duff version, called Reach Out:

Tunnel vision had him locked on in my sight
On a mission, for position by the end of the night
It’s like a prayer, playin’ games with the hunter
You better run boy, time to surrender

And all I need is to feel you
All I want is to feel you

Reach out and touch me
Before I go insane
Reach out and touch me
Boy don’t you make me wait
I’m a diamond and you’re so on the money
Reach out and touch me
And all I need is to feel you
Reach out and touch me

Like a prayer, your touch can take me there
Ain’t no mind, you and me in a secret affair
Oh boy you’re killing me and you don’t even know it
Try to hold back but I can’t control it

There’s even a rip-off of (or possibly an homage to) Madonna’s Like a Prayer.

This makes me sad in so many ways. I’m sure Depeche Mode will make a ton of money from it, but music today is so vapid that even Depeche Mode are only in it for the money. Hilary Duff has turned into a poor man’s Britney Spears clone. And I feel old ranting against kids these days and their music.

I think I’ll go put on The Smiths. That’s sure to cheer me up, at least until Miley Cyrus covers Girlfriend in a Coma.

For any of you whippersnappers who like the Hilary Duff song, her album Best of Hilary Duff will be released November 11.

Here’s the original version of Depeche Mode’s “Personal Jesus,” which is much much better.