A few months ago some paparazzi pictures came out of Hulk Hogan rubbing suntan lotion on his daughter’s ass. It was mildly disturbing, to say the least, and generated more than a few comments, mostly along the lines of ‘Help me! My eyes! My eyes!’

Anyway, daughter Brooke says that it’s okay when her dad rubs lotion on her behind, because her ass is like a car.

“I know I’m a grown woman, but it’s like he’s touching an old car,” the singer tells Us Weekly in its latest issue, on newsstands now.

“He used to change my diaper!” she adds.

Us Weekly

Brooke is on the cover of Maxim magazine looking surprisingly good, and now that she’s fighting with her mom she’s obviously back to being on good terms with her dad again following their falling out about his relationship with her former best friend, because he came with her to her Maxim shoot.

You can view the video below, where Hulk tells the camera that when Brooke was 17 he wouldn’t let Maxim take sexy pictures of her, but now that’s she’s nearly 20 it’s okay. I have no explanation for this logic, except I guess she’s of legal age now. Frankly, if I ever get the offer of a Maxim shoot, and I’m expecting it any day now, I not even going to show my father the pictures, let alone invite him to the photo shoot. I guess Brooke might have taken her mother with her, but she’s not talking to her.

Brooke looks surprisingly good in the photos for Maxim, and in the video she’s seen kissing and fooling about with unidentified skinny guy. The rumors of her engagement continue but apparently she feels that with Nick incarcerated she shouldn’t be celebrating and she’s gong to wait until he is released to break the news to the world. Her wedding won’t be featured on her reality show, unless it really bombs and then she’ll do it to get ratings boost.

Note by Celebitchy: The thing that bothered me about those pictures is that her dad was touching her ass for one, but also that it’s a place she can easily reach herself. You ask people to apply sunblock to the places you can’t reach, and there’s really no reason for him to be touching her butt at all.

The Hogan family has been pretty assholeish (a word I just made up, and debated considerably about dropping or retaining the ‘e’) to the family of John Graziano, the man 17-year-old Nick Hogan made a vegetable for life after his drunken drag racing accident. Both Hulk and Linda have publicly blamed John for his condition, saying that he should have been wearing a seatbelt. Well, yeah he should, but it wouldn’t have been a big issue if their 17-year-old hadn’t been drunk and drag racing in the street. And didn’t crash into a palm tree.

Then last week Hulk went on Larry King and said the crash was God’s will – to make John a better person. Not surprisingly, these kind of statements have really riled up the Graziano family, and as a result, they’ve been threatening the Hogans. Oh boo freaking hoo.

Clearwater police are investigating threatening phone calls made by a member of John Graziano’s family to the family of Terry Bollea, also known as Hulk Hogan, according to Clearwater police spokesman Doug Matthews.

Matthews could not say which member of the Graziano family allegedly made the threats; nor could he say which member of the Bollea family received them.

Morris “Sandy” Weinberg, an attorney for Nick Bollea, 17, who is serving a jail sentence on a charge of reckless driving with serious driving bodily injury, confirmed that the police had listened to the threatening voicemails.

“Does the family take it seriously?” he asked. “Yes, they do.” No arrests have been made.

[From the St. Petersburg Times]

Well of course the Hogan family takes it seriously. When even minor bad stuff happens to them, it’s the end of the world. But they’re fine with supplying their minor son with alcohol, then letting him drive a suped up car. And anything that results from it is everyone else’s fault. But if someone dare to leave a threatening voice mail on their answering machine, there will be absolute hell to pay.

Get over yourselves Hogans. There is a special spot in hell for you. Until then, if every one of your days is twice as miserable as the Graziano family’s, you should considering yourselves really, really lucky.

One of the things I find eternally confusing about Hulk Hogan is how he manages to be holier-than-thou. That’s a pretty tough attitude to pull off, especially for someone who has sported a bleached-blond mustache for the last thirty years. Hulk went on Larry King to talk about his suck-ass family – specifically his worthless son Nick, whose drunken drag racing accident left passenger John Graziano a vegetable for life. Nick is currently serving an 8 month sentence in the Pinellas County Jail – and he’s done nothing but bitch and wine about it the whole time.

For whatever reason, Hulk thought it’d be a good idea to go on Larry King. I’m guessing the delusional dad thought he’d go on to clear the air and show everybody just how wrong they are. Unfortunately for Hulk, all he did was remind us of what an asshole he is. Now we know where Nick gets it.

Hulk Hogan almost broke down last night on “Larry King,” but his outrageous behavior over his derelict son’s criminal behavior was in full blossom.

For starters, Hulk said he felt Nick’s accident, which put friend John Graziano in a vegetative state, was God’s plan to make John a better person.

As for Larry…..no questions about Hulk going to Hooters after the sentencing, no questions about rubbing his daughter’s ass, no questions about Linda saying she was the real victim. Oh well.

[From TMZ]

Hulk also accused the media of being unfair to the family, saying he called it “Tabloid terrorism.” He looks pretty proud of himself for his alliteration, too. He claims that the public knows his “focus is on John,” and that the media has been unfairly harsh on Nick. Because anyone who doesn’t mollycoddle his kids like he does is obviously irrational.

The most annoying part of the holier-than-thou shit is that Hulk claims that he believes in God and God is clearly trying to teach Nick a lesson and make John Graziano a better person. The Hogans have often alluded to John being some sort of terrible person who was deserving of divine retribution. I’m pretty sure that every time they do that, a new level of Hell is created just for them.

Nothing has come out in the press indicating that John Graziano was anything other than a nice, normal guy – an Iraq war vet. John’s father pointed out that Nick Hogan managed to do to John what Iraq couldn’t – nearly killing him. Hopefully the Grazianos will be able to sue the Hogan’s for every penny they’ve got. I really wish there were a way to throw Hulk and Linda Hogan in jail for being such crap-ass parents and saying such horrible things since the crash. But since there isn’t, hopefully scrimping to make ends meet for the rest of their lives will teach them a little humility.

Speaking of which – Linda is trying to put Hulk in jail too.

Linda Hogan wants Hulk to spend time with Nick — behind bars. Linda is asking a judge to cite the Hulkster with contempt of court, because he allegedly didn’t ante up money for a $4.2 million Vegas condo, as required by the judge. Yes, the judge ordered Hulk to pay for a party pad. We love the law.

The condo was in escrow when the divorce was filed and the court order required both Hulk and Linda to close the deal and then put the asset in the community pot. Linda has put her share in but Hulk hasn’t.

And here’s the kicker. In the legal papers, Linda is asking the judge to throw Hulk’s ass in the Pinellas County Jail, where Hulk and Nick can sure scheme to hatch the post-pokey real-ality show. Dis and gusting.

[From TMZ]

Here’s a clip of Hulk on Larry King last night. Let the outrage begin.

It’s a big day in Nick Hogan’s universe - all of his wildest dreams are coming true! Actually, I’m guessing it’s a pretty big day for most of the inmates at Pinellas County Jail. That’s right, young Nick’s wish of being released into the general population has finally been granted. Nick was being held essentially in solitary confinement because at the young, vulnerable age of 17, he was the only minor in the otherwise adult population.

Hogan is also a minor celebrity in real life, which translates to major booty in jail life. You’d think if the guy had two brain cells to rub together, he’d want to stay in solitary for that exact reason. But apparently Nick’s conviction that he’s special and different and protected from everyone else makes him believe what happens to other famous young jailbird men won’t happen to him. Good luck.

Nick Hogan’s got himself some company. Two days after a judge denied his request to be transferred out of solitary confinement, Hulk Hogan’s son, who’s serving time for a DUI crash that seriously injured his friend, was moved into a communal cell after a routine assessment of the ever-in-flux jail population, according to a spokeswoman for the Pinellas County Sheriff’s Office.

Hogan, whose real last name is Bollea, was cooling his heels in an isolated maximum-security cell because, at 17 years of age, he was considered too young to live among the jail’s general population.

Attorney Kevin Hayslett argued in a motion filed Friday that his client was undergoing “cruel and unusual punishment” that didn’t fit the crime by being housed in those conditions. He requested Hogan either be granted house arrest until his 18th birthday or at least moved out of the concrete block he’d been calling home to be with other nonviolent inmates.

A judge refused a transfer but, according to the jail rep, a spot for Hogan opened up following a review of current housing assignments. The teen is now sharing space with three other juvenile offenders.

[From E! News]

Something tells me getting locked in a tight space with three other dudes was not what Nick was hoping for when he had his lawyer make that request.

Nick will become an adult in jail, celebrating the big 18 on July 27. He’ll probably get some new adult roommates at that point. What a fun treat for him. Nothing says “Happy Birthday” like the fear of taking a shower or falling asleep.

Header Nick and sister Brooke in January 2007. Images thanks to WENN.

It really is hard out there for a Hogan. I mean I used to feel a little badly for poor Nick Hogan – what with the nearly taking someone’s life and then getting punished for it with 8 months in jail – but now I feel super badly for him. Nick has to spend the bulk of his day in solitary confinement because he’s a minor in an adult, maximum security facility. And I’m guessing he’s more than a little bit of a target in there as well. But Nick doesn’t like it, and wants out. And what Nick wants, Nick should get, right?

Lawyers for Hulk Hogan’s son, Nick Bollea, filed a motion earlier today requesting that the 17-year-old be released from solitary confinement and placed into a program that would give him the same treatment as anyone else with the same sentence.

According to the motion, filed in Florida’s Pinellas County Court, Nick, who was convicted to an 8-month sentence after pleading no contest to charges stemming from his August 2007 auto accident, is wrongfully being held in solitary confinement for up to 17 hours a day.

“Nick’s current confinement in maximum security was not appropriate based on their evaluation of Nick, the circumstances of his offense, and Nick’s lack of any prior criminal record,” his lawyer’s claim.

“Treating a minor in this manner is simply unwarranted,” says Morris “Sandy” Weinberg of the Tampa office of Zuckerman, Spaeder. “We are only asking the court to make available to Nick what anyone else in his situation would have available to them, and also to respect the Bollea family’s privacy.”

[From OK! Magazine]

While I have a policy of never feeling any empathy to Nick Hogan, even I have to admit that placement in a maximum security facility for a minor without a record seems pretty extreme. But I’m all for the judge not showing Nick any special treatment. Obviously jail isn’t fun. In fact it’s supposed to suck as much as possible. Sounds like it does. Maybe it really will work as some sort of deterrent for Nick next time he wants to drag race and slam into a palm tree.

Nick Hogan is pictured at his sentencing hearing on May 13th. Images thanks to Splash.

The Hogan family really didn’t make the most of their time on reality televsision. Instead of focusing on Brooke’s mind-numbingly boring music career, they instead should have featured the weird love triangle between Brooke, her father and her best friend. Instead of having some petty domestic dispute between Linda and Hulk, they should have had shown his face when he learnt about their divorce from a newspaper calling for comment.

Consistent with her classy behavior in the past, Linda Hogan has been seen out partying with a man young enough to be her incarcerated son.

In an effort to make the Hogan family look even worse, Linda Hogan took her 19-year-old Nick-a-like boytoy to the opening of Palms Place last night!

Our spy says Linda’s prey, Charlie, said the two are just friends — because friends are typically all over each other at the Palms.

TMZ

Does anyone ever fall for the ‘just friends’ line? While people of different genders and ages can be friends, I find it hard to believe that Linda could have made fast friends with a 19-year-old bleached blonde perma-tanned young lad she just met in a club. And then put her hands ‘all over’ him. Unless they’re comparing tanning salons and discussing the best way to cover up dark roots.

The thing that horrifies me the most about the whole thing is that the young man looks quite a bit like Linda’s son Nick, rather like Hulk Hogan’s girlfriend looked like his daughter. I know it’s probably just coincidence, but it creeps me out all the same.

Picture Note by Celebitchy: Linda Hogan and her boytoy, identified as “Charlie,” are shown on 5/31/08 on the dancefloor at the Palms Place opening. That guy is a lot older than 19. He looks like he’s pushing 30 to me at least. Thanks to Splash News for these photos.

Brooke Hogan was involved in a car accident on Sunday, which was caused by another driver who was not a member of her family and resulted in no injuries. Brooke, 20, was driving a 2008 Mercedes with her friend Laura, 23, in the passenger seat. She was in the center lane on a bridge when a 1997 Toyota that was speeding in the right lane lost control while trying to change lanes and smashed into her car, pushing it into the left concrete barrier. Both cars sustained about $3,000 worth of damage. There is no charge against the other driver, but the Florida Highway Patrol is investigating the crash. Brooke’s mother and father, who are going through a divorce, both came to the scene of the accident. [Details from Tampabay.com via WeSmirch]

Not one to miss a chance to dismissively mention the vegetative victim of her brother’s drunken car crash last year, Brooke blogged on her MySpace that she reminded her friend to buckle up, thanks to the important lesson he taught her by ending up comatose. Brooke claims she told her friend to buckle her seatbelt and that she had just put it on when a car slammed into them. The thing that I find most offensive about this entry is the title. Brooke capitalized the “MY” in the “Seatbelts saved MY life today” as if to emphasize that it was John Graziano who was to blame for not wearing a seatbelt. This would be consistent with an earlier statement her family put out that emphasized that John was not wearing a seatbelt, along with Brooke’s now-deleted blog post calling John’s family liars for their tearful testimony at her brother’s trial:

Seatbelts saved MY life today…

What happened to my brother and our friend John was horrible and very hard for both of our families. But I truly believe my brother and John saved My life and my best friends life…. I don’t know if you heard, but my friend and I got into a really bad car accident today ourselves… As I turned on my car I clicked my seatbelt. As we pulled out onto the road, I looked over and realized my friend didn’t have her seatbelt on. I reminded her to put it on and the minute she clicked it, a car crashed into us. It was a horrible car accident, one that most would be severely hurt in, but we had our seatbelts on and they kept us in tight. I have to thank my brother and my best friend John for teaching me an important lesson that saved our lives.

I know that because my family is under a microscope, the turn of unfortunate events are magnified and seem like they just keep on coming…And having everyone watching and commenting on our life is extremely hard. If I could stop it I would because it feels terrible. We try to stay away from it but can’t help that its shoved in our faces. So please, if youre a supporter, please spread the good around cause its nice to have friends when things go awry. And for the haters, Im sure we’re not the only ones you’re hurting. I would hope people are never this mean to you because it makes things so much harder……You’re human and so are we. Nothing different.

[From Brooke Hogan’s MySpace via ONTD]

Brooke Hogan is saying out of one side of her mouth that she wore a seatbelt and that’s why she’s safe as compared to her brother’s Iraq veteran friend who will probably never be able to walk or speak a full sentence in his life again. On the other side of her mouth she’s telling people not to rip on her family, despite giving us more reasons to do so every day. Her brother may be spending eight difficult months in jail, but he will get out again and live very comfortably. Brooke and most likely the rest of her family will never grasp what a horrible crime her brother committed or realize that the insults and criticism hurled at them is like a mosquito bite compared to the pain of losing a family member.

Header photo by Eamonn Kneeshaw for the St. Petersburg Times. Photo below of Brooke out shopping in December thanks to WENN.

Nick Hogan really doesn’t like jail. I mean really. It’s no fun at all – in fact it’s downright boring. Though it appears he hasn’t been made anyone’s bitch (yet), Nick still thinks the place sucks and wishes he’d gone to trial instead of copping a plea. The inmates are allowed to talk on the phone as long as they want at Pinellas County Jail – during their free time of course. Nick spends an average of two hours a day on the phone, generally complaining and whimpering to his mom.

The contents of some of Nick’s conversations have been released, and now we can hear a few of the specifics about just how tough jail really is.

The phone calls began just hours after Nick Bollea was hauled away from the courtroom.

Nick Bollea: “Had I known this, I would have rather gone to trial or I would rather, you know, appeal the case or something. I can’t deal with this for eight months. It’s (Bollea’s cell) like the size of my bathroom.”
Linda Bollea: “Oh!”
Nick: “No windows or nothing. Just one little top bed thing.”
Linda: “Oh my God!”

[From ABC Action News]

I know! My God indeed! Now I’m guessing Nick Hogan’s bathroom is bigger than most of our bedrooms. So I am not necessarily impressed by how small his cell is. And it’s not like he’s got a lot of stuff to keep in there. What does it matter how small it is? But I just love the shock and “Oh my God!” I’m guessing that was followed with, “What thread count are the sheets? 200 you say? My God!”

Bollea is being kept in a single cell at the Pinellas County Jail because he is one of only two minors serving time in the adult facility. On the phone, he cries often and is comforted by his mother Linda.

Nick: “All you do is sit there and think, and there’s nothing to think about.”
Linda: “We’ll get through it.”
Nick: “Yeah.”
Linda: “Prove to everyone you’ve learned your lesson and be more careful.”

Bollea asks for anything to pass the time, including books and magazines. He even talks about breaking the world record for sleeping and working out in his cell. On Wednesday his famous father Terry (a.k.a. Hulk Hogan) congratulated him on his time served so far.

[From ABC Action News]

Considering how Nick’s family has often reacted to the car crash (which left passenger John Graziano in a vegetative state, probably for life), it’s actually surprising to hear Linda Hogan acknowledge that Nick did do something wrong, and has a lesson to learn. Linda has encouraged Nick’s racing hobby for years, including drag racing – which was what he was doing when he crashed his car.

However she did support Graziano family for a while, renting a condo for his mother to stay in while she kept watch over her son . So it seems like she has some teeny, tiny bit of common sense lacking in father Hulk Hogan, who said the following:

~”I’m very proud of you brother. Very, very proud of you. You’ve been thrown in a tough spot and you’ve handled it better than I could have probably handled it. Any man I know. You’ve really been somebody to look up to.”

[From ABC Action News]

Yes, ruining a young man’s life, never taking responsibility or saying sorry directly to his family until you’re forced to in a court of law – you are someone to look up to, Nick Hogan. You’ve ruined many lives. Congrats. I hope the next seven months are filled with deep thoughts… though you’ve already admitted you don’t have many of those.

Nick Hogan is pictured at his sentencing hearing on May 13th. Images thanks to Splash.

Who would have thought it? Turns out, Nick Hogan doesn’t like jail. Which is odd, because most people are really big fans. What with the friendly service and great food and all, you’d be batshit crazy not to enjoy your free vacation.

Nick Hogan is not doing well in jail, friends say. The son of pro wrestler Hulk Hogan started serving eight months in California’s [sic – it’s Florida] Pinellas County Jail on May 9 for a drunken-driving accident that left his best friend, John Graziano, in a coma.

“Nick’s doing really bad. He’s struggling to even form a sentence,” one friend said. “They have him in a cell by himself, isolated from the general population, because of threats. He didn’t understand how awful jail really is until now.” That will be small consolation to Graziano’s relatives, who say Hogan has done very little for their son since the crash.

[From the New York Post]

Nick is also in isolation because he is the only minor in the jail. Though if he serves just two and a half months of his eight month sentence, Nick will have the pleasure of becoming a full-fledged adult in jail. I wonder what kind of birthday cake they get you when you turn 18 in jail. I’m sure it’s nothing fancy – probably one of those grocery store bought cakes at best. But still, something to look forward to Nick. Wait, they don’t get you a cake? Madness. I’d hate jail too. Poor Nick.

I’m guessing Nick’s lawyer is going to ask that he be transferred to some type of mental health facility – or pull a Paris Hilton and try to get him released altogether because jail makes you kind of unstable. Man, if only Nick had known jail sucks so much. You’d think that might have been a deterrent or something.

As much as I enjoy rampantly spreading Hogan-family hate, for once I actually feel empathy for them. Or at least one of them. Brooke Hogan is supposedly suffering from an emotional breakdown as the result of younger brother Nick’s incarceration and father Hulk Hogan’s affair with one of Brooke’s former friends.

Hulk Hogan’s 17-year-old son Nick Hogan was recently sentenced to eight months in prison after pleading no contest to charges of reckless driving in an accident that left his close friend critically injured. But friends of the “Hogan Knows Best” family are more concerned about his 20-year-old sister, Brooke Hogan, according to our source.

“She’s suffering the worst of all; she just can’t keep it together and has been hit the hardest,” said the source, adding that Brooke is “extremely sensitive” and her emotions are spiraling out of control. Brooke’s relationship with her father was severely strained after his reported infidelity with her former friend made news in February.

While our source said that Nick’s arrest has “brought them a little closer to reconciliation,” it’s not the case for Hulk and his wife, Linda. The estranged couple appeared together at Nick’s hearing on May 9, where Linda even flashed her wedding ring, apparently for the first time since news of the reported affair broke.

“Basically they were trying to put their best foot forward and fake a public image of unity and support for their son,” our insider said. “He [Hulk] is a very astute businessman and very good at playing the media — he even admitted in court that their reality show was scripted and not so real after all.”

[From Fox News’ Pop Tarts]

I always found Brooke to be pretty annoying, and lots of blogs have a love affair with mocking her. But of everyone in her family, she’s the one who really hasn’t done anything. Her younger brother committed a crime that left another man in a coma and in a quasi-vegetative state likely for the rest of his life. Her father cheated on her mother with Brooke’s friend. Linda Hogan has been videotaped encouraging Nick to drag race… and we all know what that led to.

Brooke certainly hasn’t done anything bad. She’s an easy target, but it seems like her family members are irresponsible and she’s left emotionally exhausted and overwhelmed from it. Hopefully her parents are still able to pay enough attention to her, despite their divorce, to get her some help.

Here’s Brooke and Hulk Hogan at the courthouse on the day of Nick’s sentencing, May 13th. Images thanks to Splash.