Howard Stern held his mistress pageant today from among the participating women who slept with golfer Tiger Woods. Jamie Jungers, a bleached blonde former stripper and paid escort (which she denies, although madam Michelle Braun has the 1099 forms to prove it) took home the $75,000 prize from cheaters website AshleyMadison.com, along with a black diamond “mistress ring” with 4.5 carats total weight. (Note that the link has the top prize at $100,000, but photos show that it was $75,000. Here’s a link to a photo of Jungers in her tiara carrying the check. She seems to have lost some weight since she last did interviews.) Jaimee Grubbs, a brunette reality show contestant who shared text messages from Tiger with US Magazine, placed second and earned $15,000.
Both Jaimee and Jamie share the laughable honor of having slept with the worlds greatest golfer along with sporting what’s called an “anti-eyebrow piercing,” or a small stud in the teardrop area underneath the eye. (It just seems interesting to me that both Ja(i)m(i)ees have the same odd piercing.) Also participating in the pageant was Loredana Jolie (below) who previously told the press that Tiger enjoyed sex with men as well as all the women he was juggling on the side. She is said to be writing a tell-all book.
There aren’t many details available online about Stern’s pageant, except for the winner and runner up. Stern has yet to put any photos or text from today’s show on his website. TMZ sheds some light onto how blonde Jamie won, though. They say she told Howard “a bunch of personal information about Tiger … like the size of the club, what he wanted from her sexually speaking, and on and on.” I’d be interested in hearing that, but many of you would rather take a pass I’m sure.
Jungers previously said that she asked Tiger for money to help her out and that he turned her down. I’m sure this scandal is the best thing that’s happened to her in a long time.
What’s with all of the beauty queen scandals this month? First the mess that is Miss California, now this. A finalist for the Miss Universe pageant, Miss Australia (real name: Stephanie Naumoska) is being criticized internationally for her rail-thin appearance. I’m sure when she’s fully clothed, Miss Australia looks healthy enough. But the bikini pictures of her are a little scary – you can count her ribs, and you can pretty much see every bone in her arms. Miss Australia has issued several vehement denials of an eating disorder, including a defensive appearance on Good Morning America, all the time claiming to live “a healthy, active lifestyle”.
An Australian Miss Universe finalist, whose rail-thin appearance caused a stir as she pranced down the catwalk in a bikini, tells Good Morning America, she was singled out and victimized for her skinny appearance in the contest.
“I’ve never been anorexic or bulimic, I’ve never been malnourished or underfed,” Stephanie Naumoska said. “I live a healthy, active lifestyle.”
Critics, citing the model’s visible bones and ribcage, said Naumoska’s emaciated look was a danger to herself and those looking to emulate the her. A judge in the competition remarked he would have “wanted to go and feed her straightaway” if he was her daughter.
The 19-year-old brunette is at 5 feet, 10 inches tall and weighs 105 ponds with a body-mass index score, at 15.8, less than the 18 score she would need to be considered malnourished.
Naumoska said she wasn’t malnourished; she said that if she was, her hair and skin wouldn’t look as healthy as it does, and she wouldn’t have the energy to prepare for the grueling contests.
The director of the Miss Australia pageant said Naumoska’s Macedonian heritage was the reason for her appearance.
“The women do have long, lithe bodies and small bones,” Deborah Miller told UK Daily Mail last week. “It’s their body type, just as Asian girls tend to be rather small. She doesn’t have an eating disorder or anything like that. There’s nothing wrong with her.”
I feel like I defend the too-skinny girls a lot. It’s weird because I’ve never had the “too skinny” problem in my life, but I’ve had friends who were bony and emaciated, yet were constantly eating. I’ve defended Tori Spelling and Keira Knightley recently, because I honestly believe they don’t have eating disorders. I think they’re just thin girls, and in Tori’s case, her metabolism just seems screwed up after two pregnancies. Am I naive? Is every woman in the public eye bulimic?
This year’s Miss USA pageant is shaping up to be even more annoying than usual, if that’s possible. In addition to the standard fare of helmet hair, vaseline smiles, swimsuits and stupid questions that somehow always lead to the answer “World Peace,” the Donald Trump-produced cheesefest will also feature Donny and Marie Osmond as hosts.
Donnie [sic] and Marie Osmond will host the upcoming Miss USA pageant. The Miss Universe Organization says the brother-and-sister, song-and-dance stars will perform on the NBC Universal show April 11 from the Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino on the Las Vegas Strip. The network owns the pageant with real estate mogul Donald Trump.
Pageant executives say the telecast will represent the first time Donny and Marie Osmond have hosted a prime-time show together since 2000.
As if a Donny and Marie reunion wasn’t reason enough to send you screaming from your television set, guess who’s signed on as a judge for the pageant? None other than that one-legged lawyer-soaker, Heather Mills.
“Extra” has exclusively learned that Heather Mills has been booked as a judge for The Miss USA Pageant, scheduled to take place on April 11 in Las Vegas.
Mills was a contestant on last season’s “Dancing with the Stars.” She was just been awarded almost $50 million in her divorce settlement with Sir Paul McCartney.
I really don’t see how this show could get any worse, unless Donald Trump decided to compete in the swimsuit portion of the evening. I guess you could turn it into a drinking game- every time Heather Mills says something crazy, you do a shot. And every time Marie Osmond plugs her creepy dolls, you chug a beer. You’ll be wasted by the time the talent competition starts- which, if you think about it, is the only way to watch this crap.
Donny and Marie Osmond are shown performing at the Osmond Family reunion on 8/14/07, thanks to PRPhotos.
The priceless video of Miss Teen South Carolina, Lauren Caitlin Upton, bumbling incoherently during the question and answer portion of the Miss Teen USA competition has been making the rounds over the internet and television since Friday. It’s really a monument to stupidity, but it does one thing very well: makes the rest of us feel a heck of a lot smarter. Now you really do need to see her answer this question to get the full impact, but here’s the transcript of what she said:
Question: “Recent polls have shown a fifth of Americans can’t locate the U.S. on a world map. Why do you think this is?”
Answer: “I personally believe… that… U.S. Americans are unable to do so… because… uh…some … people out there in our nation don’t have maps and…. uh, I believe that our, ah, education like such as… in South Africa, and, uh, the Iraq, like everywhere like…such as… and I believe that they should, uh, our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S., or should help South Africa, it should help the Iraq and the Asian countries… so we will be able to build up our future…for our children.”
I love how she just says “such as” here and there for no reason. She’s not even speaking in sentences or phrases, she’s just grabbing at words randomly. At the end of her answer, host Mario Lopez thanks her, and there’s this look of complete pity that is so humiliating. I’m sure he didn’t intend it that way, but when Mario Lopez pities you because you’re just too damn dumb, that’s soul-crushing. Well Lauren Caitlin Upton (who somehow managed to place third runner up) isn’t letting this debacle get her down. She was on the “Today” show this morning, trying her hand at a little damage control.
“I would love to re-answer that question,” Upton said. “Well personally, my friends and I, we know exactly where the United States is on our map. I don’t know anyone else who doesn’t. And if the statistics are correct, I believe there should be more emphasis on geography.
“A YouTube video of Upton has drawn a couple million hits and thousands of comments, many of them with harsh remarks for the Lexington High School graduate who plans to attend Appalachian State University in Boone, N.C.
“Upton was taking her flubbed answer – and the attention – in stride.
“‘Everything did come at me at once. I was overwhelmed and I made a mistake. Everybody makes a mistake. I’m human,’ she said Tuesday. ‘I seriously think I only heard about one or two words of the actual question.’
“Upton’s former principal Creig Tyler remembered her as a well-rounded student.
“‘She took college-prep and honors courses and performed well,’ Tyler told The (Columbia) State newspaper. Miss Teen Colorado Hilary Carol Cruz won the crown. Upton was third runner-up.”
I will give her a little leeway – in that it was a really surprising question. I thought they generally give you obvious questions where you’re supposed to answer something about world peace or saving the future with children and a bunch of other meaningless drivel. But they whipped out a question that – while not confusing – was surprising. I’ve never heard that 1/5 of Americans can’t locate America on a world map. That’s utterly ridiculous, and I think I’d probably struggle to answer why that is, only because it’s so surprising. Maybe it’s the 1/5 that are illiterate? The 1/5 that suffer from severe glaucoma? I’m not saying I know the answer, but I probably would have mumbled something about “I don’t know, 1/5 of people are idiots” which still would have been a heck of a lot better than what Miss South Carolina said. If her answer helped her place third, I’m sure I could have come in second with mine.
Here’s the video. Enjoy.
Picture note by JayBird: Header image of Miss South Carolina Lauren Caitlin Upton at the Welcome reception for Miss Teen USA 2007on August 14th. Images thanks to WENN.
