Jessica Simpson sure knows how to thrill. And give a good performance. Did anyone see the legendary Blonde Ambition? Straight to DVD is the way to go. No one knows how to do it up classy like Jessica. Which is why she met boyfriend Tony Romo’s parents at the swankiest joint in town: Olive Garden. Apparently free bread sticks lure even the fanciest of celebs.

Jessica Simpson, 27, met beau Tony Romo’s parents on June 27, when all of them had dinner at an Olive Garden in Janesville, Wisc. Romo, 28, who grew up in nearby Burlington, was home to play in a golf tournament.

But making a reservation at the Olive Garden surprised even the restaurant’s general manager. “We thought it was a big joke,” said Doug Belfanz. “Jessica Simpson’s not going to the Olive Garden in Janesville, Wisconsin!”

Yep, actually, she did. Simpson, wearing a casual blouse and blue jeans, walked in holding hands with Romo, who wore a T-shirt and baseball cap. Simpson had wine with her three-cheese ziti, but seemed more interested in Romo. “She scooted up next to him during the meal,” says Belfanz. “They were acting like a couple.”

After dinner, they posed for a photo with the staff and signed autographs. Sneaking out through the kitchen, Simpson complimented the chefs on the meal. “They were laughing,” Belfanz says. “It was just a big family being out.”

[From People]

When even the restaurant’s manager thinks you’re a moron for eating there, it’s probably a better idea to just go home and microwave some Hot Pockets for everyone. I’m sure that’d be equally impressive to the Romos.

I’m not certain who’s ahead in the competition between Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson. Nick is stuck in a relationship with the only woman on earth who seems more vapid and dull than Jessica. But Jessica is taking her potential future in-laws to Olive Garden. It’s kind of a six of one, half dozen of the other situation.

Here’s Jessica and Tony on their way to church in Dallas on June 8th. Images thanks to Splash.

Guy Ritchie’s apparently anguished mother, Lady Amber Leighton, has felt the need to address all the tabloid reports that her son’s marriage to Madonna is essentially over. Lady Leighton says that the pair are not divorcing, and go through the normal ups and downs every marriage goes through. And she throws in some absolutely delightful British verbiage that I’m going to steal.

Maybe mother does know best. Despite persistent rumors that Madonna and Guy Ritchie are on the brink of divorce, Guy’s mother, Lady Amber Leighton, says there’s no divorce happening. “It is absolute rubbish, worse than that,” she tells the U.K.’s Daily Mail. “Guy will be furious at me for talking to you, but I feel I can’t just let these reports go unanswered, as they make me so angry and they are hurtful intrusions into their private lives.”

Lady Leighton goes on to say that Madonna and Guy are like every other married couple out there. “Like other couples, they work at keeping their relationship happy and fresh and they are a close and loving couple who have a family to bring up.” Guy and Madonna have been leading what appear to be separate lives, with Madonna planning her world tour in New York and Guy staying back in London, but his mother insists, “That is not a couple splitting up. I’ll say it one more time, they are not getting divorced; the speculation is TT — that’s total tosh.”

[From In Touch]

I was half expecting Lady Leighton to break out with some “Pish posh applesauce” or something. I can’t blame her for being upset – it’s natural that a mother wouldn’t want the whole world speculating about her son.

The Sun reports that Guy has been holed up at singer Sting’s country estate. He was introduced to Madonna by Sting’s wife Trudie Styler. Guy and Trudie have been spotted at a few local pubs, with Guy apparently looking quite somber.

Guy was spotted boarding a flight from London to New York City – where Madonna and the couple’s three children currently are staying – without his wedding ring. There’s been some speculation that he’s going to make one last-ditch attempt to save the marriage – though Madonna’s still not wearing her ring either. Sad as it may be, something tells me there will probably be some sort of announcement in the next couple days.

Here’s Guy Ritchie – sans wedding ring - flying out from London to New York today; and Madonna (equally ringless) looking very sullen outside the Kabbalah center in New York yesterday. Images thanks to Splash.

Britney Spears and Kevin Federline both spent the weekend in Las Vegas – but by all accounts, they did so separately. Brit was there to celebrate Father’s Day with her dad, while Kevin was there to celebrate his own Father’s Day… albeit without his kids. Kevin was busy receiving an award for Father of the Year from Prive nightclub. Whoever thought a club would be handing out awards to doting parents? Can you say “cheap attempt to get quasi-famous people to hang out there?”

According to a source inside Vegas’ Mirage Hotel & Casino, where Brit and dad were holed up for the holiday, the singer spent her afternoon in Siegfried & Roy’s Secret Garden and Dolphin Habitat at The Mirage. “She swam side by side with the dolphins at the resort in a private pool,” says the insider. “Later she gushed over Siegfried & Roy’s six-week old tiger cubs in their special nursery at the Secret Garden taking pictures of the cubs with a female friend.”

The singer was so enamored, she even stopped by the habitat’s gift shop to pick up a plush tiger and plush lion, perhaps for her boys back in L.A.

[From OK Magazine]

Britney had to have her extensions redone after swimming with the dolphins. I can’t imagine how confusing it must be for a dolphin to look up and see Britney Spears next to it, trying to hang on to her matted non-human hair. If I were a dolphin, I’d get my ass to another pool before she clogged up the drain.

Brit spent the rest of her day at a topless-optional pool, though by TMZ’s account she kept her top on – though wore a sun dress so short she nearly exposed her bottom on several occasions.

K-Fed didn’t just party it up with a few friends in Vegas – he brought along his lawyer. Because nothing says “Good Times!!” Like Mark David Kaplan.

Looking dapper in a black suit and red tie, Federline, 30, arrived at Prive just before 1 a.m. with an entourage of about 30, including his divorce lawyer Mark Vincent Kaplan. At a VIP table, Federline nodded his head to several hip-hop songs and paid little attention to the risqué fashion show that was happening on top of the club’s deejay booth.

At around 2:30 am, Federline headed to the back kitchen of the club, where he was presented with a “Father of the Year” trophy out of the public eye, an honor he told reporters “surprised” him.

[From People]

I doubt K-Fed was all that surprised, considering the club announced the “honor” several weeks ago. Before you think he’s actually a terrible dad, spending Father’s Day in Vegas while his kids are at home in L.A., People reports that he jetting home early Sunday morning to spend the day with Jayden and Sean.

It sounds like both Britney and Kevin had a good weekend and behaved themselves. You’d almost think they were semi-normal, real adults or something.

Here’s K-Fed arriving at Prive to be honored as ‘Father of the Year’ as part of Father’s Day weekend on Saturday. Header of Britney from June 10th. Images thanks to WENN.

Here’s a bad idea for you: raise three kids, two of whom are known worldwide for their mistakes – and then release a parenting book. If you’re Lynne Spears, you might just be delusional enough to think that’s a good idea. Once Jamie Lynn got pregnant, Lynn put the project on hold. Since then, it sounds like the concept has been reworked. The publisher is no longer calling it a parenting book – instead it’s being peddled as a memoir. Much smarter idea.

Lynne Spears’s memoir about raising her famous daughters Britney and Jamie Lynn will be released this fall, the publisher confirms to PEOPLE.

“When Jamie Lynn got pregnant, it was put on hold,” says a spokesman for Thomas Nelson, which publishes inspirational books and Bibles. “Lynne never stopped working on it because she wants to express her love for her children and tell their stories through a mother’s eyes.” Through the Storm: A Real Story of Fame and Family in a Tabloid World” is likely to be released in September, says the spokesman.

“Lynne has had a dramatic life. People will be be very surprised to find out the kind of person she really is,” says Lorilee Craker, who worked with Spears on the project. “Lynne has been incredible to work with.” Spears’s manuscript “will not be a parenting book,” Nelson says. “It’s her story of what it was like being a mom and raising two very famous people. It’s a memoir.”

[From People]

It’ll be interesting to see if Lynne defends her parenting, admits to her mistakes, or just glosses over them. It’s been widely reported that she let Britney get breast implants at 16 and encouraged her to overtly exploit her sexuality for the sake of her career. Jamie Lynn got pregnant at 16. Her oldest child, Brian, lives in New York and isn’t involved in show business. He’s arguably the kid that’s turned out the best – though if nothing else, Jamie Lynn is still very young and despite the pregnancy could still turn out great. So could Britney, to be fair.

Lynne Spears doesn’t seem as delusional as someone like Dina Lohan, but she’s still got some explaining to do. Depending on how she handles tough issues in her book, it could drastically sway people’s opinion about her. If she fesses up to her mistakes, it could make you feel some empathy for a mother that tried and failed. But if she spends too much time defending her decisions, it could cause a serious backlash.

Here are some pictures of Lynne Spears with her daughters over the last year. Images thanks to WENN.

Apparently it is not May. I was wrong. Somehow I was thinking we’d moved forward, but it appears that it’s actually still February. Why? Because Supernanny Jo Frost has jumped on the bandwagon and offered to help Britney Spears. Unfortunately that bandwagon left the… wherever they keep bandwagons… back in February. Remember, when every celeb and their cousin was offering to help Britney Spears? Because why wouldn’t she want to move in with Heidi Klum? Or be tutored by Ellen DeGeneres? Or go on vacation with Mel Gibson? Alright that one actually happened.

But it was getting pretty darn annoying, all those random celebs saying they wanted to help her, but no one doing anything. Just looking for their friendly sound bite. Though she’s a little late with the offer, Frost is definitely not too late – and she’s someone who actually has something concrete and useful to offer Brit.

She’s no stranger to strangers’ homes – but now Supernanny Jo Frost has her eyes on a high profile family: the Spears clan. In a new interview with Entertainment Tonight, Frost offers her childrearing expertise to Britney Spears. “I do believe she loves her children very much and I’d be more than happy to help her,” she says in an interview scheduled to air Friday.

“To be able to put her on the right track and feel more empowered as a parent.” Frost adds, “Importance in motherhood is about really relating to other mothers, being able to have support groups and it’s about Britney being in a place where she’s feeling secure and confident in herself, so that she is able to take care of her little ones and give them what they need from her, which is their mother around.”

Frost’s hit ABC show takes to her people’s homes across the country, where she helps parents deal with their children’s behavioral issues. Frost tells ET the key to her advice comes from imbuing parents with “the confidence to raise their baby in a healthy and content way.”

[From People]

That all sounds like it could actually be really useful for Brit. I’ve only caught the show once, but I was impressed. Though more than anything I was shocked at the family. Who could be that dumb? How could any parent behave that way? And I’ve definitely thought that about Britney Spears in the past. It could be the perfect fit. Hopefully Frost is offering out of the goodness of her heart, and not for an episode of her show. Because something tells me even Britney Spears is smart enough not to do that. Or at least her handlers are.

No your eyes are not messed up: you read that headline correctly. Of all the upsetting, horrendous things I’ve ever had to report, this may very well be the worst. Clay Aiken is going to be a father, according to Us Weekly and TMZ.

Idol Clay Aiken’s producer is pregnant with his child, TMZ.com reports.

Jaymes Foster (who is reportedly in her late 40s) was artificial inseminated with the 29-year-old singer’s sperm, according to the report.

Aiken lives with Foster – described as his “best friend” – when he’s in L.A. and plans to be involved with parenting their child, TMZ reports.

The crooner has consistently avoided questions about his sexuality.

“People don’t want to have that type of stuff pushed, people who are living in Omaha or in Charlotte or wherever,” Aiken told Access Hollywood last month.

“They don’t want stuff like that pushed in their face,” he added. “I don’t think that’s necessary and that’s also not what I’m here for. I mean, I went on Idol to be a singer, I went on Idol to be an entertainer and that’s what my priority is.”

[From Us Weekly]

This means that someone intentionally chose to have Clay Aiken’s DNA growing inside them. It wasn’t some drunken mistake (I realize that’s even less likely to happen with Clay Aiken, but you get the point). It was this conscious, thought-out plan. It means that Jaymes Foster looked around at the men in her life, and the VERY BEST CANDIDATE was Clay Aiken. Which makes me really judge the other men she knows.

According to TMZ, Foster is 50-years-old, the sister of record mogul David Foster, and has produced several of Clay’s albums. The way they phrased it is that “Clay is a lot more than sperm — we’re told he will have an active role in raising the child.” Considering the way Clay supposedly bosses everyone around and lectures people on manners, he’s going to be one uptight dad.

Clay is scheduled to perform on the Tonight Show this evening. Something tells me this won’t come up, but you never know.

Here’s Clay arriving at Planet Hollywood in Times Square to promote his role in Monty Python’s ‘Spamalot’ on April 8th. I don’t think that’s the actual cup he used, but no guarantees. Images thanks to WENN.

I love when good ‘ol Mom and Pop Lohan start bashing each other, because it’s guaranteed to be an orgy of hypocrisy. And who doesn’t relish that? The funkier looking Lohan’s (that’s Dina… it took me a while to decide who was funkier looking, but Dina’s mouth takes the cake) ass-tastic show Living Lohan premiered on E! last night.

And just because they like to stir the shit, OK Magazine thought it would be kind to give Michael Lohan a screener and ask for his thoughts. Now we know Michael is usually pretty reticent about judging and telling people how to live, since he’s an out and proud born-again Christian. But he made an exception for OK, and shared a few restrained opinions in an email with them.

Soooooo, you want a comment on the first episode of Living Lohan? Well, let’s see… If I were to look at things from a wordly perspective, I would probably have a lot to say about exploitation, hypocrisy and even deception — and maybe at a later date, I might just do so. For now, let’s just say I’m still trying to figure out if this show is about managing Ali’s career and being a “real” mother, or reading tabloids.

I’ve had a sneak peek at some future episodes and I will say that some of the people Dina surrounds the kids with still concerns me — again, I can address that when they appear on the show. I just hope Dina takes the high road — like a Lohan would — and rights these wrongs.

If this show is about the being a mother and a manager, the most important thing is to set a good example by instilling positive values, and doing what’s right for the kid’s sake. Not for our own! I wish Ali, Cody and Dina the best on the show and pray that they get what they want out of it.

[From OK Magazine]

I love all the “you suck, you’re terrible, you’re doing the wrong thing,” blah blah blahness, followed by, “I hope it makes you happy!” Because I’m totally sure Michael really does. Ending an otherwise critical email with a bland, generic catchall positive quote doesn’t exactly negate the other seven (really long) sentences.

Dina’s been out doing a ton of hypocritical press, so Michael’s thoughts on her aren’t exactly novel. If nothing else, Living Lohan is a great way to make sure that Dina never regains a shred of dignity or credibility, and ensures that her younger kids will never have successful careers of their own. But hey, Lindsay is doing so well, I’m sure they can all just live off her. Michael included, of course.

Micheal Lohan is shown on 3/6/08 “leaving the Lindsay Lohan Photo Exhibition inspired by her tattoos” thanks to WENN.

I’ve always said the hallmark of a truly great friend is when they hate the people you hate. Just because you hate them. It’s touching really. Similarly, the hallmark of a truly great parent or family member is when they threaten to kill whoever dates you. Okay reading over the previous sentences, I see that I might have some issues to deal with. Nonetheless, actor Terrence Howard admits he threatened to kill his young daughter’s boyfriend. And to me, that makes him a great dad right there.

Actor Terrence Howard has proved his credentials as the ultimate over-protective father - he threatened to kill his daughter Aubrey’s teenage boyfriend. The Iron Man star didn’t appreciate his 14-year-old daughter dating a classmate he disapproves of, and “intervened” by forcing her to ditch the unfavorable suitor.

He says, “She’s supposedly in love with some guy. I made her break up with him and I’ve threatened to kill him. I was like, ‘You picked a green fruit from the tree that’s far from ripe.’”

And Howard ensures he keeps a tight-leash on his beloved kids - warning Aubrey she will be cut out of any future inheritance if she is not “obedient”. He tells his daughter, “I’ve set a lot of things aside for you, but those things are only yours as long as you’re obedient to me.” However, the actor has put a crafty plan into action to make sure the teenager doesn’t fall back into her unsuitable relationship.

He adds, “She’s OK now. Though, I’m sure he’s still kind of her boyfriend. This summer I’ll take her off to another country where her phone won’t work, and he’ll start dating someone else.”

[From Hip Hop Elements]

That’s a smart dad right there. It seems pretty rare that you hear about over-protective parents anymore. Maybe I’m old fashioned, but it makes me happy to hear that some dads are still involved in their daughters’ lives, and care enough to threaten the crap out of some boy. Isn’t that a rite of passage for everyone? I honestly believe one of the reasons my dad sucks is that he never threatened anyone on my behalf. After I broke up with a guy I’d been with for two and a half years, my mom told me my dad thought the guy had the personality of a serial killer. Where was my beat down?

I’m guessing that Aubrey Howard was/is pretty pissed at her dad. That’s another important rite of passage. But how many kids parents are in a position to take them to some far-flung locale to get them away from a guy? And then get rewarded for good behavior with all the money their dad has “set aside” for them? Bribery. Also a good parenting tactic.

Here’s Terrence Howard at the Los Angeles Premiere of ‘Iron Man’ at Grauman’s Chinese Theatre on April 30th. Images thanks to WENN.

According to Star magazine, Nicole Richie’s life is getting REALLY hard to balance. Before daughter Harlow was born, all Nicole had to balance was shopping and partying. I’m not being sarcastic, according to the mag, that really was about all she did. I guess she occasionally dodged Paris Hilton and randomly recorded a terrible pop song here and there, but that was about it. Now Nicole has a baby – but she still wants to have her old life too. And no matter where she is or what she’s doing, she feels like she should be doing something else. The life of a socialite is sooooooo hard.

Though she says life’s been “beyond amazing” since giving birth to her daughter in January, the diaper-duty demands of motherhood leave Nicole Richie pining for her old party days, according to Star magazine.

“Nicole is torn between being a mommy and being a party girl,” an insider told the publication. “She wants to go out and have fun, but when she does, she’s like, ‘Uh-oh, Harlow needs me.’”

The dramatic lifestyle change is catching to the new mom, said another source. “Nicole really misses her carefree life. Before Harlow came along, Nicole never had to worry about anything. All she did was party with her friends and go shopping. Now she’s totally overwhelmed by her new responsibility, even though she adores her daughter. Nicole still can’t figure out if she’s happier when she’s home with the baby or hitting the town with her friends!”

[From MSNBC]

Okay sarcasm aside, being a new mom is obviously incredibly overwhelming. I doubt anyone thinks, “Wow, I am really kicking ass at this.” But complaining because you have to stay home with your kid instead of going shopping and partying makes it pretty hard to be sympathetic. It doesn’t matter if Nicole can’t “figure out if she’s happier when she’s home with the baby or hitting the town with her friends!” (by the way, that quote makes me ill). When you’re debating over spending every night club hopping or staying home and taking care of your new baby now and then, there’s no debate. It isn’t about figuring out which one is more fun.

Every parent needs some time away, and deserves to go out and have some fun. But it needs to be a rational amount. Nicole is “totally overwhelmed by her new responsibility” because she’s never had any responsibilities before. So of course she doesn’t know how to handle it. If you haven’t learned how to juggle the different commitments in your life, it’s going to be hard to figure out how to prioritize. Now would be a great to figure that out.

Here’s Nicole Richie and Joel Madden outside their shop DCMA on Melrose Avenue on April 29th. Images thanks to WENN.

It doesn’t exactly come as a big surprise that Lindsay Lohan’s reconciliation with her nutball father Michael didn’t last long. Even with the overabundance of issues Lindsay has, her father’s always worse. This past Wednesday Michael blabbed to anyone that would listen saying that Lindsay was going on a mission with his church. Lohan’s PR rep quickly denied the story – not that Michael had said it, but that Lindsay was going. Lindsay’s finally had enough, and told Billy Bush this morning that she is sick of her dad making things up and talking to the press.

“I just wish that he wouldn’t go and talk to the media,” she said Friday on radio’s The Billy Bush Show. “It’s not attractive to me, it really upsets me and I wish he would stop. … I love my father. I just don’t know why he’s doing what he’s doing. It’s a weird situation, very odd.”

[From People]

Michael, being a grownup and a good parent, immediately phoned Ben Widdicombe at the New York Daily News to fire back. And it’s pretty clear that Lindsay never said she’d go on a mission – just that Michael thinks she should.

Michael Lohan has come out swinging against his daughter Lindsay’s management. On Wednesday we told you that Michael had spoken about doing missionary work in India with Lindsay, although her rep had denied she planned to make such a trip. This annoyed the heck out of Dad.

“I think we can all see that her present so-called friends and management have her focused on the wrong projects and things,” he told me. “If Lindsay would just listen to me and follow my guidance, like she did when her life was on the right path, and before the people you see now that are in her life, I guarantee that her life would straighten out and she’d be back to being the gifted actress everyone knew and loved.”

[From the New York Daily News]

Michael seems to have a real problem with the fact that he can’t control his daughter’s life anymore. And he seems to think that he can force her to do things by telling the media about it. Lindsay is an adult, and as messed-up as she sometimes seems, it’s also pretty clear that she’s better off without either of her crazy parents. Some parents have a real problem accepting that they can no longer control their children as adults. Michael is resorting to classic desperate manipulation – he’s just doing it via the press.

Rarely do I support Lindsay Lohan, but in this case I hope she tells her dad to take a flying leap. His whole “born again” Christian routine is so see through. Everyone can tell he’s just doing it for show and to get attention. If he weren’t, we wouldn’t know so much about every detail of his life and his so-called “spirituality.” If making an ass out of yourself and trying to profit off your daughter’s issues were a religion, Michael Lohan would be the Pope.

Here’s Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson having a laugh- and Lindsay holding a suspicious bottle - as they get in a car after leaving Foxtail restaurant on Thursday. Images thanks to WENN.