Thanks to the excellent snarky blog Rhymes with Snitch for this story I haven’t seen anywhere else. The night Paris Hilton flashed her ass in a too-short dress while dancing on a table at Janet Jackson’s birthday party at Tao (despite the fact that she claims to never dance on tables and there are even more recent pictures to the contrary,) she decided to serenade everyone at 3 AM with a drunken “Stars are Blind.”

Janet was understandably outraged and got the hell out of there immediately, taking 30 of her friends with her:

Paris often sings her own songs badly while wasted out at clubs, and she probably had no clue that she was doing anything wrong by warbling at an established pop artist’s joint birthday party and CD celebration.

Despite news that Janet Jackson’s new album is relatively tanking on the charts and may help sink her boyfriend Jermaine Dupri’s career at Virgin Records, she shopped for a $30 million dollar apartment in Manhattan last week, and claimed that Jermaine needed a huge closet because he has more shoes than she does.

Meanwhile Paris is still considered a scourge on the entertainment industry. Meatloaf has joined Jenny McCarthy in claiming that he plans to haunt Paris Hilton after he dies. And predictably, Paris was voted the top overexposed celebrity that people want to see less of. With that news, here are absolutely no pictures of Paris.

Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton have famously buried the hatchet with a public visit to a Hollywood steakhouse. We reported last week that Nicole and Paris met up at Nicole’s dad’s house, and now they’ve made sure to let the whole world know they’re friends again by stepping out together.

Commentor xiaoecho says that Paris and Nicole never really broke up, and that they kept up the “not talking” act to drum up publicity for their terrible “Simple Life” reality show. If that’s true it’s the first I’ve heard of it, and it seems like they would have been caught together at some point since the paparrazi are camped outside both their houses. They would probably like the public to believe that recent problems in their lives - Paris’ DUI and fight with Shanna Moakler, along with Nicole’s breakup with Brody, brought them back together.

Publicity for the new season of “The Simple Life” is probably the main motivation for their high-profile reconciliation. Indeed, this is supported by a statement from the series’ producer, who admits that the public wants to see them as friends again and that new show will begin taping next month:

“The Simple Life” producer says he wanted to put Nicole and Paris on a desert island with a “bunch of survivalists” and the idea bothered them so much that they teamed up to make sure they didn’t have to go through with it.

Now they’re set to be incompetent camp counselors, if you give a shit, and the series will use their estrangement and manufactured make-up as fodder for more shows. It’s sure to be as bad or worse as the previous seasons of the “Simple Life,” and I’m content to sit back and read other people’s accounts of how awful it is.

Here are pictures of Nicole and Paris’ dinner taken by X17.

One can only wonder what celebrities carry in their thousand dollars handbags, and this weekend Paris Hilton accidentally gave the paparazzi a peek inside her silver Balenciaga motor bag. While she was innocently trying to reapply some tacky pink polish to
her nails, the photogs started snapping away at her open purse, and guess what they found? Amongst a myriad of items, including a Blackberry, a lollipop, and a tube of MAC Lipglass, there was a conspicuous little plastic bag that looked like it contained…..cannabis. Or in other words, pot.

Her spokesperson, Elliot Mintz swears it’s not pot, but rather, loose tobacco. Paris likes to roll her own cigarettes. However, in the past her homemade cigs have looked too much like doobies for people to believe otherwise.

So here’s an enlarged photo of the contents of Paris’s purse. You be the judge, is it pot or is it tobacco? I’m guessing if it’s not pot, it may be betel nuts. Betel nuts are chewed in many Asian countries as a snack, and although they have a mild stimulative effect, they are not yet a controlled substance.

But Paris never struck me as the betel nut chewing kind of girl.

In case you still give a shit who Paris Hilton is spreading herpes to this week, she’s been linked with Andy Roddick. The last time I blinked she was with Travis Barker slinking around Amsterdam in a matching hoodie, so what gives?

Wasn’t Andy Roddick just with fellow tennis hottie Maria Sharapova? Either this isn’t true or he’s slumming with some saggy civilian ass.

Here are the pictures of Paris at Tao showing her panties that you’ve already seen.

Pictures from France-Vidcaps and Hollywood’s Best.

DUI’s, nip slips, vag slips, damn she even carries her own handcuffs on her purse (I wonder who she’s planning to put those on tonight, hmm?). Yes people, Paris Hilton is one messed up girl. If you have ever wondered why Paris Hilton is the way she is, just take a look at her mother, Kathy Hilton.

The dirty ho doesn’t fall too far from the dirty ho tree.

Nicky Hilton’s boyfriend, “Entourage” star Kevin Connolly, smacked Brandon Davis after he insulted him at one of Paris’ parties. When Davis freaked out after getting slapped, Connolly punched him twice in the face to get him to shut up.

The Post goes on to say that Lohan and her gang crashed the party too, but not much must have transpired or they would have given more details.

Davis is crying out for some kind of intervention. He was reportedly staying at Paris’ place after his folks cut him off, and some recent candids of him cozying up to her make it seem like they’re friends with benefits. Connolly must be annoyed that he’s hanging out with his girl too. Usually I don’t condone violence, but Davis had it coming.

Here are Brandon, Paris and Nicky outside of Barneys on 9/2. [via] Tell me that Paris and Brandon look like they’re just friends.

Lindsay Lohan made the moves on at least two of Paris’ tainted exes. In mid-may she was said to be sleeping with Paris Latsis, who got back with Paris Hilton afterwards and then wisely broke up with her again. Then a month later Paris and Lindsay had a screaming match at a club, with Paris yelling at Lindsay for sleeping with Stavros Niarchos, saying “I can’t believe you and Stavros! You are ridiculous!”

Now Paris is said to have openly flirted with Lindsay’s long-term (by her standards) lover, Harry Morton. Star Magazine suggests that they left a club “within moments” of each other afterwards, but if they met somewhere at a hotel you know it would have been reported. It sounds like Paris is just trying for payback.

Although flirting with someone else’s boyfriend seems like junior high school antics, Paris did hack into Lindsay’s cellphone just a short while ago, showing that she’s capable of high school level revenge. Paris actually never graduated from high school, and had to settle for a GED.

Here is Paris at the Max Azaria fashion show with Nicky on 9/16, and Lindsay out in Santa Monica with her new wrist cast on 9/17.

Pictures from Linds-Lo.com and Parisfan.org

Oh Paris! Here’s a recap of the latest news about her thrilling DUI arrest.

Infamous British grafitti artist Banksy, known for sneaking his works of art into galleries like the MOMA, Metropolitan Museum, Tate and Museum of Natural History, has struck out at Paris Hilton by releasing 500 hilariously doctored versions of her debut CD, “Paris.”

That’s hysterical and I can’t wait until photos and tracks from the doctored CD are online.

What the article fails to mention is that Banksy may have a more personal reason to mock Paris. One of his biggest art sales, that of Queen Victoria wearing garters while sitting on a woman’s face, was to Christina Aguilera for over $40,000. While Paris’ debut CD is hardly a threat to Aguilera, with Paris’ CD selling a measly 75,000 copies in the US compared to Aguilera’s 320,000, their albums were released at about the same time. Aguilera’s “Back to Basics” came out on 8/15/06, while “Paris” was released on 8/22.

Once pictures of these CDs come out, I’ll post ‘em here. In the mean time, here are pictures of Paris and Nicky at Pharrell Williams’ pre-VMA party. [via]

Update: pictures of the doctored CD. From Sharl’s Flickr via Oh No They Didn’t.