I’ve never really seen Paris Hilton as the discerning sort. Sure she knows a good label and a nice piece of real estate. But when it comes to people, she seems to be more of a “take what you can get” sort, whether it’s men or friends. But apparently Paris feels her inner circle isn’t complete; in fact it’s lacking one very specific type of person: a British person. Who knew Paris Hilton was so picky?

There’s apparently a British-shaped hole in Paris Hilton’s inner circle, and the celebutante extraordinaire is going to do her best to fill it. The apparently hard-up hotel heiress is returning to the small screen once again, this time for an accented BFF on Paris Hilton’s New Best Friend, a series tailored exclusively for British audiences.

“Everyone knows I love L.A.,” the star told ITV2, the U.K. channel on which the show will air. “But London, watch out—I’m coming to town and bringing my fast-paced life with me. I’m in the U.K. all the time, but of course I can’t bring all my friends, so I’ve decided to look for a new BFF across the pond. I need a best friend who is hot, who can keep up with me, and most of all, who is real and won’t be a backstabber. I’m not leaving London until I find that amazing girl or guy who can meet the challenges of being my British bestie!”

Sounds vaguely threatening, albeit not to the swarm of 18- to 28-year-olds who have already applied for the show. Final applications are due to the channel by Sept. 1 and must include a photograph. Well, she said they had to be hot.

[From E! News]

What a shock – Paris Hilton is pimping herself and lack of friendship for celebrity. Again. So it’s pretty much just the UK version of her upcoming MTV show “Paris Hilton’s My New BFF.” Because horrifying people on one continent clearly isn’t enough. Paris’ new “bestie” will have to compete against other girls and live in a house together. Expect a lot of backstabbing and lip gloss.

Here’s Paris at the Apple Lounge grand opening in West Hollywood on Thursday. Note the extra wonkiness of the eye. Photographer: Faye Sadou. Images thanks to WENN.

Paris Hilton, now done with her media blitz in the Netherlands, seems to have decided that she hasn’t gotten enough press here in the US – so it’s time to go shopping. And invite the paparazzi to follow her along, where she can be photographed next to various random objects. Because nothing says “I’m as cool as Heidi Montag” like some overly forced photo ops.

Apparently Paris wants us to think she’s all athletic and sporty now. Although I’m guessing the real reason she was photographed at the Sports Chalet was that she mixed up “chalet” and “valet” and actually just wanted someone to park her car. Once inside she realized her mistake and tried to make the best of an embarrassing situation. Hence… a bunch of cheesy photos of Paris the athlete. It’s almost as good as the Olympics.

Here’s Paris buying Buys a large amount of sports gear from Sport Chalet in Los Angeles yesterday. Images thanks to WENN.

To further prove that there is no justice in the world: Paris Hilton is getting her own superhero comic book. And not some cheesy stupid one that she’s having to pay someone a lot of money to make in her attempts to further over saturate the world with her Picasso-esq image. She’s collaborating with none other than Stan Lee, of X-Men, Spider-Man, Fantastic Four, and the Hulk fame. Not bad.

Paris Hilton has revealed she is creating a new superhero based on herself.

The hotel heiress has been working with Stan Lee, who co-created the Spider-Man comic books, to invent a character for a new MTV cartoon. While Paris refused to divulge any details of the new collaboration, she did reveal her favourite superhero power. She said: “I’d love to be invisible – that would be fun!” Paris is no stranger to lending her name to various projects. The 27-year-old beauty has her own perfume range, a line of hair extensions, a footwear line, and will release a sports collection later this year.

[From News.com.au]

How in the world does Paris Hilton go from cheap-ass perfume and even cheaper acrylic hair to working with someone as iconic as Stan Lee? I don’t know jack about comics, but even I know he is like the best of the best. Paris’ face shouldn’t even be allowed to grace one of those annoying cheesy caricature drawings half-assed artists doodle in two minutes in Central Park. When you look at her closely, Paris actually does sort of look like a life-sized caricature. Especially those feet.

I can’t help but wonder just how accurate the Stan Lee SuperParis will be. Will she have a magical bird nose that senses when baby animals need worms? What kind of superpower will that half-open eye have? Maybe the ability to somehow never have corrective surgery, despite being stuck to a woman who won’t stop pimping herself.

Here’s Paris Hilton shopping at Barneys New York in Beverly Hills on Saturday. Images thanks to WENN.

There are a lot of things Paris Hilton doesn’t need more of. Sex tapes. Giant shoes. Impulsively purchased pets and the diamond-encrusted jewelry she uses to decorate them. And Paris definitely, definitely does need any more products with her name on them. While I used to admit that she was good at branding (i.e. slapping her name and taking credit for other people’s work) she’s definitely getting close to her saturation point, even for people that don’t follow gossip blogs (who became sick of her a long time ago).

Now Paris is working on her very own Vegas hot spot – and although she doesn’t mention a name, I’m pretty damn sure you can bet that it’ll have “Paris” splashed on it somewhere.

Paris Hilton wants a Las Vegas hotspot to call her own! “I’m in talks right now,” the nightclub-loving entrepreneur tells In Touch. “I think I found a really good space.” Paris should have no trouble getting people to line up.

“The Vegas crowds love her,” says a Las Vegas nightlife insider. “It’s a mob scene every time she arrives.” And while the heiress is coy about the details, she already has a name. “But I can’t tell anyone,” she says. “It’s not trademarked yet!”

[From In Touch]

I think the club’s theme should be modeled after Paris’ sex tape. They can hand out night vision goggles at the door so everyone looks kinda green. And then push some random pills in your hand so you stumble around with a glazed, confused look in your eyes while putting just about anything in your mouth that doesn’t run away first. Sounds like a winning idea. She can call it “The Paris Experience” or something like that. And then as soon as you leave you act really embarrassed and threaten to sue everyone involved. It’ll be a sure hit.

Here’s Paris visiting Tivoli in Copenhagen with boyfriend Benji Madden on Tuesday. I don’t think I’ve ever said this about her, but Paris actually looks pretty here. Images thanks to Fame.

Paris Hilton is getting all sorts of credit for her massively funny turn in humor website Funny or Die’s response ad to John McCain’s stupid Obama-slamming advertisement last week. She’s interviewed with all sorts of magazines and websites talking about how much fun she had, and several people from the website are talking about how great Paris was, and how she’s such a pro and didn’t need any cue cards for her rather challenging lines. Well no surprise here: that’s total B.S. And frankly, that makes me feel a lot better about myself. I didn’t want to live in a world where Paris Hilton could convincingly rattle off a detailed plan for a new energy policy.

Paris Hilton might want to dust off her stationary and start penning something to that white-haired dude. Paris, John McCain gave you your relevancy back, and the least you owe him is a thank you.

The Funnyordie.com spoof Hilton filmed in a Hamptons backyard made headlines when it aired Aug. 5, and grew legs on Aug. 6 when news that Hilton didn’t use cue cards for the commercial — but rather memorized the whole thing — broke.

“She couldn’t recite her address without a Teleprompter,” says a Hilton source who’s crying foul on the memorization claim. “If she’s wearing a designer label that has two names, like Dolce & Gabbana, she can only remember the first one. There’s no way that she memorized that whole spot.”

Regardless, the commercial was brilliant, says the source, and proof that Hilton is capable of excelling in the spotlight. “She’s excellent when she’s surrounded by excellent people. The problem is she surrounds herself with morons most of the time,” says the source. “She’s capable of being every bit the celebrity she wants to be.”

[From MSNBC]

Admit it, you just felt a little better about yourself. If we discovered that Paris Hilton had even an ounce of actual talent – or just that she didn’t suck as much as we all thought she did – it’d shake all of us to our very cores. I know my world makes a lot more sense knowing she can’t say, “We can do limited offshore drilling with strict environmental oversight while creating tax incentives to get Detroit making hybrid and electric cars,” without a little help. Personal intellectual crisis solved.

Here’s Paris Hilton on day three of her whirlwind media blitz in Denmark to promote her upcoming handbag line. Images thanks to Fame.

Never ever do I want to give Paris Hilton credit for anything. Ever. But today I have to. The heirhead managed to retaliate against John McCain’s stupid ad in a way that was both humorous and classy. At least for a Hilton. Paris’ mom Kathy went apeshit on McCain for mocking her daughter. And that’s understandable – any good mother would be peeved. But Paris is a grown woman, and actually did a pretty good job in her retaliation – even if it was conceived and written by someone else.

Paris Hilton has thrown her hat into the US presidential race, declaring her desire to campaign against “that wrinkly white-haired guy” and threatening to paint the White House pink if elected. The blond socialite responded to Republican candidate John McCain’s controversial use of her image in a campaign television spot last week with a satirical ad of her own posted on the website Funnyordie.com.

In the ad, the 27-year-old appears reclining on a sun lounger beside a swimming pool, dressed only in a skimpy leopard-print bathing costume. “Hey America, I’m Paris Hilton and I’m a celebrity too,” Hilton declares breezily. “Only I’m not from the olden days and I’m not promising change like that other guy. I’m just hot! But then that wrinkly white-haired guy used me in his campaign ad, which I guess means I’m running for president. So thanks for the endorsement white-haired dude, and I want America to know I’m, like, totally ready to lead.”

Hilton then offers an alternative US energy strategy, suggesting that she plans to combine elements from McCain and Democratic rival Barack Obama’s policy platforms. “We can do limited offshore drilling with strict environmental oversight while creating tax incentives to get Detroit making hybrid and electric cars. … Energy crisis solved, I’ll see you at the debates, bitches!” Hilton then signs off by declaring that she is now mulling her choices for vice-president. “I’m thinking Rihanna,” she said, referring to the singer-songwriter.

“I’ll see you at the White House,” Hilton adds. “Oh, and I might paint it pink. Bye!”

[From Yahoo! News]

Hilton’s acting is generally a bit stiff and uncomfortable – pretty much what you’d expect. Yet she pulls off the harder lines much better than the funny, lighter ones. When she talks about oil drilling, you’d almost think she’s a decent actress. And if you’re me, you’re really surprised that she was able to read such big words. I don’t delude myself into thinking that Paris understood them, and she probably had them sounded out phonetically on big cue cards nearby. But I’m impressed, nonetheless.

The brains behind Hilton’s advert were Funnyordie.com contributors Adam McKay and Chris Henchy, who pitched the idea of filming the spot to Hilton.

“She got it that the McCain thing was a low blow,” McKay told AFP. “And she felt she didn’t want to return it with angry fire, and that this was the best way to respond. It’s a playful jab.”

Henchy and McKay both believe Hilton is more intelligent than her tabloid persona lets on.

“She’s a lot smarter than people give her credit for,” Henchy said.

[From Yahoo! News]

Chris Henchy is Brooke Shield’s husband. And I’m praying to God that he’s just being kind. He’s married to one of the smartest actresses out there. I seriously doubt he was duped into thinking Paris Hilton has two IQ points to rub together. But obviously he’s not going to go around and say, “Hey, this celebrity who was nice enough to mock herself for our website is a total moron!” I don’t think. Either way, it’s a pretty funny response to McCain’s ridiculous advertisement, which was a lame attempt at humor. It’s kind of pathetic when the response is so much better than the original ad.

Paris HIlton is shown at the launch of her footwear collection on 7/29/08 at Macys in Las Vegas. Credit: Chris Connor / WENN

John McCain sure didn’t think through his latest campaign ad very well. In it, he pokes fun at Barack Obama by claiming he’s the world’s biggest celebrity after Paris Hilton and Britney Spears. The McCain camp says it’s supposed to be funny, but it really isn’t. I’m not saying it’s not funny in the sense of “this is very serious stuff; you shouldn’t joke.” It’s just flat-out dumb and not very creative. It isn’t funny. And it’s clear they’re trying to paint Obama as some sort of frivolous dilettante with that ridiculous comparison.

What they really forgot to consider was that the Hilton family donated to McCain’s campaign. And now Kathy Hilton is pretty damn pissed.

If John McCain thought it was tough battling Barack Obama, let’s see how he likes having an angry mom to contend with as well! Paris Hilton’s mom, Kathy, is furious with McCain for picking on her little girl in a TV ad aired last week. McCain says the spot painting his rival as ‘just another celeb’ like Paris or Britney, was meant to be funny — but Momma Hilton doesn’t see the joke.

”It is a complete waste of the country’s time and attention at the very moment when millions of people are losing their homes and their jobs,” Kathy said on the Huffington Post Web site. ”And it is a completely frivolous way to choose the next president of the United States.” And McCain shouldn’t be expecting another check from the Hiltons in the post either.

Kathy and her husband donated $4,600 to his campaign this year, but she said the ad was ”a complete waste of the money John McCain’s contributors have donated to his campaign,” according to the New York Times.

[From OK!]

Obviously McCain isn’t the first person to publicly make fun of Paris. But it is pretty damn tacky to take nearly $5,000 from someone and then turn around and make fun of their daughter. It was a stupid ad that the McCain camp clearly thought was clever, but at best was absolutely banal. At worst it was insulting. They should have spent that $4,600 on an ad agency that actually has a little bit of creativity.

Header image of Kathy and Paris Hilton at the “Can Can” Perfume Photocall at Selfridges in London on May 15, 2008. Images thanks to PR Photos.

You could never accuse any of the Osbourne family of mincing words. Least of all fearsome matriarch Sharon. Though I’m not sure exactly what she thinks her own talent credentials are, Sharon has sent a mild insult Paris Hilton’s way, noting to Parade magazine that she “has no talent.” Which sound like more than a mild insult, but Sharon manages to say it in a way that is almost gentle, at least for an Osbourne.

America’s Got Talent judge Sharon Osbourne says Paris Hilton would never wind up on the hit NBC show.

Why? “She has no talent!” Osbourne, 55, tells Parade.com. “I’m sure Paris would tell you that herself.”

The only thing going for the 27-year-old heiress?

“She’s got a look that a lot of younger girls liked and copied,” Osbourne says.

Hilton managed to gain fame because “the timing was right for her,” Osbourne adds. “A lot of younger women looked up to her. She’s a very sweet, nice girl. But that’s it. Then you put a full stop. It’s over. So I’d say Paris is infamous.”

[From Us Magazine]

Paris supposedly dated Sharon’s son Jack (I think it was alluded to once or twice on their MTV show) and has occasionally hung out with daughter Kelly. But I don’t think they’re all that friendly anymore. Sharon is obviously completely correct – Paris has no talent. Except perhaps for branding herself. She’s done a good job of turning that wonky face of hers into a near-industry.

Here’s Paris Hilton shopping and reading her own book on June 28th. At least she knows how it ends. Header of Sharon Osbourne in Beverly Hills on July 18th. Images thanks to Fame.

What woman in her right mind would want to buy shoes designed by Paris Hilton? Unless she was designing some specialty line made for women with very large feet (Paris wears a size 11), or drag queens, I can’t imagine who would possibly be interested. The shoes are actually not ugly, though they don’t strike me as anything special either. And I’m guessing Paris didn’t have a thing to do with them, other than slapping her name on the box.

Paris Hilton debuted her new fall shoe collection at the Las Vegas Macy’s Fashion Show on Tuesday.

Paris, dressed in a soft, baby-blue gown, showed off her trendy new shoes at the event.

The new collection features a wide range of footwear, everything from platform stilettos, pumps and knee-high boots to flats, t-straps, and ankle boots.

Paris was inspired by the high-fashion runways in New York, London, Paris and Milan. The shoes mix “all things girly with a whole lotta rock-n-roll,” according to Thevegaseye.com.

The first 300 people that purchased Hilton shoes between July 19 and July 29 at the fashion show were given the opportunity to meet the star and receive a signed photo when she appeared in person on Tuesday.

Paris Hilton Footwear Collection shoes are sold at Macy’s, Kitson, Bakers and online at Zappos.com and Endless.com. Suggested retail prices range from $59 to $195.

[From All Headline News]

Paris has often lamented her size 11s – which are relatively large considering her height is generally reported to be around 5’7 to 5’7 ½. She’s noted that many of her favorite designers don’t carry shoes in her size and have to custom make them for her. I doubt they’d do that for the average buyer, so everything considered she’s pretty lucky.

Here’s Paris at the launch of The Paris Hilton Footwear Collection At Macy’s Las Vegas on Tuesday. Photographer: Chris Connor; Images thanks to WENN.

Kathy Hilton claims she’s reached a year of sobriety – and that she’s done it for absolutely no other reason than to set a good example for her drunk driving offspring. Kathy’s friends are absolutely adamant that she doesn’t have a drinking problem. She just gave up booze completely for the heck of it.

Following a tough period of time for the Hilton family, mom Kathy recently celebrated a milestone: one year of sobriety. Because two of her four children have been arrested for drinking and driving, Kathy decided to give up alcohol altogether.

“She wanted to set a good example for her family,” says a pal of the 49-year-old, adding that although Kathy didn’t have a drinking problem, “she wanted to walk the walk.” The former actress had already given up her occasional cocktails when her 18-year-old son, Barron, was arrested on a DUI charge in February.

Now, with her brood back on track, Kathy is tackling another bad habit — smoking. “She doesn’t smoke in front of me!” Paris tells In Touch. After Barron was arrested, Kathy hired a family therapist to help them through the ordeal together.

[From In Touch]

I’d say that if that’s true, Hilton should cut back and show her kids responsible drinking, and the value of temperance. I don’t think a single one of Kathy Hilton’s spawn knows a thing about moderation. But quitting entirely sends the message that it’s all or nothing. And if I know anything about Paris Hilton, I’m guessing she’s going to choose all.

I myself am a near teetotaler for no reason other than it takes me massive, massive quantities of alcohol to get a buzz, but just a sip to get a hangover. Thus the cost is rarely worth the benefit. So I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with a non-alcoholic deciding to give up booze entirely. It’s not like you need a reason. But somehow the idea that the only way Kathy Hilton thought she could get her kids to not drink so much was to quit entirely - I just don’t buy it. I’m guessing someone saw her leave an AA meeting or something, and she worried she’d be exposed, so she’s trying to control the story. Or maybe Kathy Hilton is trying to teach values for the first time. A little late, but whatever.

Here’s Kathy Hilton with daughters Paris and Nicky at “The Good Life” Photo Exhibition of Photographers Murray Garrett and Slim Aarons in Hollywood on June 27th. Images thanks to PR Photos.