A: Land him a Scandal Proof BabyMama in ‘08

B: Prove that FedeX Still Delivers the Goods

C: Bring Both Ends of the White Trash Spectrum Together and Let the Healing Begin

D: What Happens in Vegas Stays in Paris

Picture note by Celebitchy: Header image is original art by UrbanDK for Celebitchy.

Paris Hilton and Kevin Federline were at the same parties two nights in a row this weekend in Las Vegas, and different reports have them together one night, and Paris striking out with K-Fed the next.

The divorced dad-of-four dissed Paris Hilton during a December 30 party at Pure nightclub in Las Vegas. The celebutante, who was hosting the pre-New Year’s Eve celebration, shimmied up to Kevin in a sequined dress and made her move — only to be rejected by the newly single stay-at-home playboy.

“Paris whispered some pretty sweet and enticing words in Kevin’s ear,” a Federline family insider told PageSix.com. “She basically asked him where he was staying and if he wanted to visit her in her own suite.” According to the source, Kevin passed, but he said, “It will not be so easy to deny her next time.”

[From PageSix]

People reports that Paris and K-Fed were at parties together both Saturday and Sunday night and say that they “hung out in Hilton’s room Saturday after leaving the club.” That’s People Magazine’s code for drunken sex.

So Page Six says that Paris tried to get K-Fed to go back to her room on Sunday, but was denied. Maybe you can assume that K-Fed got some of that Saturday night but decided to pass on seconds.

There are photos of Paris all over a “mystery guy” on Sunday as well as looking friendly with Brody Jenner Saturday night, so who knows what was really going on between her and K-Fed. The mystery guy thing wasn’t much, though, as a video of Paris singing while she hangs over him shows.

If K-Fed denied Paris’ second attempt, it’s probably because he doesn’t want the publicity. He was married to Britney and his most recent girlfriend starred in a sex tape with Colin Farrel so if Paris isn’t good enough for him that’s really saying something.

Meanwhile TMZ reports that K-Fed cleared out the club when he started rapping, and if you watch the video it does appear to be true. People start leaving in droves once Federline picks up the mic.

Thanks to Splash News and WENN for these photos.

If Santa Claus goes by the Reuters good celebrity list, then it seems Angelina Jolie probably got something good in her stocking this year. Brad Pitt maybe? Reuters have listed the top celebrity humanitarians of 2007.

The actress was voted the person who has given the best name to “celebrity humanitarianism” for her work as goodwill ambassador for the UN refugee agency.

The 32-year-old, who has three adopted children from poverty-stricken areas, was also recognised for her attempts to draw attention to suffering in Africa and arrange aid for displaced Iraqis.

Madonna was voted the least respected celebrity altruist in the survey of 606 people by Reuters AlertNet. Although she raised millions for orphans in Malawi, she was accused of using her influence to adopt a baby from the country without the normal legal procedures.

Digital Spy

The poll wasn’t based on who did the most good, but rather who is the most respected do-gooder.

Other celebrity humanitarians include Bono, Bill Gates, Archbishop Desmond Tutu, and Bill Clinton. Following Madonna on the dubious humanitarian list is Paris Hilton following her aborted Rwanda trip, Oprah, Bono again, and Bob Geldof. So how can you earn respect to go along with your celebrity status?

The difference between Jolie and the other famous philanthropists is that the star doesn’t travel with camera crews and does her best to dodge the paparazzi.

“Someone like Angelina Jolie comes across as having more integrity than some celebrities and a greater sense that she doesn’t just do this for the publicity,” the director of the Feinstein International Famine Centre at Tufts University told Reuters news service.

POP

Angelina is an obvious choice as a respected celebrity humanitarian - although how the hell she gets anything done with four kids around is beyond me. I mean anything. Having time to brush her teeth, watch the news to know which countries are in crisis, anything! Some say that she’s got a team of nannies, but four kids must be demanding even if you have four nannies.

It also seems a little unfair to brand Madonna for adopting David Banda without following protocol, mostly because Malawi doesn’t seem to have a protocol for adoption. It is hard to bring a foreign child into your home and raise it, Madonna didn’t just adopt the kid for fashion, he’ll be around for the rest of her life.

It’s interesting that even after years of working for the AIDS cause and other issues in Africa, Bob Geldof and Bono still haven’t got the public’s respect.

Picture Note by Celebitchy: Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are shown shopping at a baby store in New Orleans on 12/27/07, thanks to Splash News. Shiloh and Zahara are still young enough to need something from a baby shop so it might not mean they’re preparing for a new arrival by plane or hospital, although the tabloids are sure to make something of it. Thanks to Splash News.

For several years people have been arguing over just how much Paris Hilton is actually worth. I would say not much, but that’s more from a moral perspective. There have been reports that the famous heiress would get anywhere from nothing to upwards of $100 million when Barron Hilton, her 80-year-old grandfather passes. There were also reports that Barron had cut Paris (and sometimes her parents and Nicky depending on the article) out of the family inheritance since they were so materialistic and embarrassing. But then another story would come along reassuring us all that the Hiltons are in fact legitimately, unfairly, wealthy. But now People is reporting that Barron Hilton has chosen to give the majority of his fortune to charity.

Paris Hilton’s future bank account has just taken an enormous hit – on account of her grandfather. Barron Hilton, the 80-year-old son of the founder of the worldwide hotel chain that carries the family name, has earmarked 97 percent of his vast fortune – nearly $2.3 billion – to the Conrad N. Hilton Foundation, to help the homeless with housing, find safe water in developing countries and assist other good causes around the world, it has been announced.

To Barron’s heirs – who include Paris – will go the remaining three percent: some $69 million, which is said to be taxable. According to calculations by New York’s Daily News, Paris, who once foresaw a $100 million inheritance, is now likely looking at $5 million.

In a statement, Barron Hilton said that his father, Conrad, had set the example and bequeathed 97 percent of his money to the charitable foundation, which the elder Hilton founded in 1944, “and I am proud to follow my father’s example.”

[From People]

Yay! There are good Hiltons after all! That’s amazing that Barron Hilton is following in his father’s footsteps and giving away so much of his money. Warren Buffet did the same thing a few years ago – giving away 85% of his $44 billion fortune to the Bill and Melinda Gates foundation – angering some of his relatives quite a bit.

Paris will certainly be set, either way. Not only is $5 million nothing to sniff at, but the actress is quite the savvy businesswoman herself. Much as we mock her, she’s constantly working, promoting various products and sticking her name on nearly every perfume and dog collar she possibly can. While it may not be upper crust classy in the traditional “old money” way, Paris has made a good deal of money on her own, and certainly doesn’t need to rely solely on her inheritance. No word yet on whether Barron Hilton donated his money because he was embarrassed by his family’s younger generation, as suggested by previous articles. We’re going to assume he’s just an awesome guy, who knows no one needs $100 million less than Paris Hilton.

Picture note by Jaybird: Header Paris and Nicky Hilton having lunch with the always attractive Brandon Davis at the Four Seasons yesterday in Maui. And here’s Brandon Davis chewing, just because I’m mean like that. Images thanks to Splash Photos.

Paris Hilton just becomes a better and better person. Clearly her jail time really did change her, and her statements that she would contribute more to the world were not just empty promises. Sure she flaked on that humanitarian mission to Africa, and has spent a good deal of her time drunkenly counting the pennies in fountains, but she’s changed, damn it. Case in point: last weekend, Paris saved an Oompa-Loompa’s life. She also gave Britney Spears career advice. And now Paris is publicly bragging about what an incredibly environmentalist she is. And because it’s Paris, you know it’s true, and she’s not just inflating one tiny little thing to make it look like she’s Mother Theresa.

Paris Hilton is making a personal contribution to protecting the environment. “I changed all the light bulbs to energy-safe light bulbs and I’m buying a hybrid car right now,” the 26-year-old celebrity heiress said Wednesday. Hilton said she turns off the lights, doesn’t leave the TV on or the water running when she leaves her house. “Little things that people can do every day to make a huge difference,” she said.

She was in Berlin to take part in an advertising campaign for Rich Prosecco, a sparkling wine sold in cans. Hilton told reporters she’s looking for a boyfriend and knows exactly what qualities Mr. Right should possess. “Right now I’m single but I am looking for a nice boy,” she said. “He should be funny, smart and loyal.”

Hilton said she was planning to visit one of Berlin’s Christmas markets, the city’s famous museums, and had already been partying at the city’s trendy Cookies club.

[From Yahoo News]

Blech. I hate that I can’t actually call her out on her comments, because they’re true. All the little things add up and matter. Somehow putting that under the heading “Paris Hilton helping protect the environment” seems a bit much, but that’s probably Yahoo’s fault. Still, who goes to Berlin to promote sparking wine in a can and then talks about what a great environmentalist they are? Paris Hilton. She’ll say whatever she thinks makes her look good, regardless of the truth behind it. And while I’m glad she has energy efficient lights and turns them off when she’s not in the room, something tells me she actually has an assistant, or maybe her illegal pet kinkajou Baby Luv, follow her around and turn off all her lava lamps. And not leaving the water running when you’re not home is generally a good idea regardless of the environment. It keeps your home from flooding. That’s probably why people have been turning their faucets off long before people paid attention to conservation.

Note by Celebitchy: The BZ, Berlin’s version of The Sun, has a cover story about Paris today in which they call her “Princess Trash.” They say she was 50 minutes late to her press conference and point out that she brought multiple bodyguards with her.

Here’s Paris out in Maxim Night Club last night in Berlin trying to feel up the DJ. Note how the other club-goers don’t even glance at her. Thanks to WENN.

On the Internet auction site eBay you can buy a lot of junk. The first thing sold on the site, originally named AuctionWeb, was a broken laser pointer for $14.83. When the seller asked the buyer why he wanted a broken laser pointer, he replied “I collect them”.

There’s a lot of junk on eBay sold that’s related to Britney, nearly 10,000 more items last week than were sold under Paris’ name.

The number of Spears-related items sold at the online auction site totaled 34,345, compared with 27,377 items associated with Hilton, eBay said this week.

Items associated with Spears ranged from signed CDs to disposable lighters featuring her likeness. Among the Hilton-related items sold: a toothbrush claimed to have been found in the hotel heiress’ trash.

Fragrances were the most popular product category sold for Spears and Hilton.

Both fared better than Lindsay Lohan. Her name was only associated with 8,099 items sold, according to eBay.

However, the three tabloid staples were all outslugged by baseballer Barry Bonds, who was pegged to 145,497 related items, including a grilled-cheese sandwich, which netted a winning bid of $US30.

Sydney Morning Herald

You know, I sometimes think that if I was Britney I might be crazy too. She’s had two children in quick succession, her marriage ended, her career was on the low and now it’s over, the paparazzi follow her everywhere and everyone wants to profit from her. I’d probably still wear underpants though, even at my most insane I normally only forget to put on a watch.

Some of the Britney related items sold online included photographs of her, CDs, her fragrances, and t-shirts featuring Britney bald with witty sayings. Once auctioned was a half eaten egg salad sandwich and corndog that Britney and Kevin Federline ate, which sold to goldenpalace.com for $520, known for its unusual eBay purchases.

Note by Celebitchy: Right now someone is auctioning off a small piece of a dress Britney once wore in a Pepsi commercial. At least the seller is realistic about the price. There are three bids and the item is currently priced at $4.25.

Remember how the owner of the salon where Britney shaved her hair was trying to auction it off on eBay for $1 million? The auction was removed either by the seller or by eBay, it’s unclear. Salon owner Esther Tognozzi launched a website BuyBritneysHair.com to try and make enough money to retire. It looks like Esther is still cutting and blowing dry, because the site is now down and we haven’t heard anything more about it.

Britney is shown driving with her dog on her lap outside the Four Seasons on 8/12/07. At least it’s not one of her kids. Thanks to WENN.

Though it was reported that Paris Hilton and Britney Spears were BFFs by about half the entertainment websites out there, the other half are reporting that Britney is threatening to release a lesbian sex video tape of Paris and one of her friends – unless Paris becomes a nicer person. While we reported that Paris gave Britney some career advice at her birthday party this past weekend, according to several other sources, the two didn’t rekindle their friendship at all, but instead had another falling out.

Britney Spears has threatened to release video footage of one-time friend Paris Hilton in a lesbian romp with a mutual pal, according to reports. Brit has demanded that the heiress stop being rude to her and members of her entourage. The troubled star has reportedly threatened to leak the footage, which shows Hilton in a compromising position with another woman, unless her attitude changes.

A source said: “The letter warns Paris that if she continues being rude to people, the footage will be leaked online.” Australian newspaper The Sydney Daily Telegraph reports the former friends fell out at Spears’ 26th birthday parties in Hollywood last weekend. But a source close to Hilton said: “It’s obvious Britney and her bratty pals are being silly. Paris laughed when she got the letter and said it was c**p.”

[From The Sun]

So they’re either best friends again, or total enemies. Take your pick. It definitely doesn’t seem like Brit shunned Paris on her birthday – there are tons of photos of the two together, and they look happy and normal (in that fake, plastic way they both do). This article is all over the internet. Most everyone is sourcing The Sun, whose article sources the Sydney Daily Telegraph, whose article sources The Daily Mail. Strangely when I search the Daily Mail’s website, I can’t find any mention of Paris and Britney in the same article that’s more recent than the end of November – and the party in question took place this past weekend. So just in case you were all stressed and worried and freaking out about the possibility of a Paris Hilton lesbian sex tape, I think this might just be one of those unsubstantiated internet rumors. But then again I thought that about “One Night in Paris” too.

Picture note by Jaybird: Here’s Britney Spears, wearing a pink wig and drinking what appears to be a mimosa, (along with some cigarettes) with her Realtor at the Four Seasons hotel on Wednesday. My mom is a Realtor, so I have it on good authority that they do insist their clients wear neon acrylic wigs whenever they take them to look at homes valued over $2 million. And it’s totally normal to get your clients drunk afterwards. Image thanks to WENN. Header of Paris hosting the Wednesdays Party at Mansion Nightclub in South Beach last night. Image thanks to Splash Photos.

I’m not sure if this is awful or oddly sensible. According to columnist Bill Zwecker of the Chicago Sun-Times, the recent BFF reunion between Paris Hilton and Britney Spears wasn’t all about reliving their crotch-flashing days of yesteryear. Apparently Paris actually got down to business and told Britney what’s what. Yeah I know you’re sitting there thinking either that’s bull and/or who the hell is Paris Hilton to give anyone advice? Both fair. But I will point out that Britney seems completely incapable of taking advice from anyone respectable, be they judges, childcare professionals, her parents, mental health experts… it’s a really long list, you get the point. Maybe Britney needs someone who’s on her level… or down at her level… to get through to her. Really, how much worse could Paris possible make things at this point?

A little birdie who was in the same room as Paris Hilton and Britney Spears filled me in on an intriguing chat the hotel princess and pop star had in Los Angeles Saturday, before those paparazzi flashbulbs created an explosion of light at Spears’ 26th birthday celebration. It may seem funny, famed party girl Hilton giving advice to the obviously troubled entertainer, but that’s exactly what happened.

As Spears sipped a couple of apple martinis (while Hilton downed apple juice), the former ‘’star” of her own sex video reportedly handed out some sage suggestions, indicating she may have learned from her mistakes. Among the points Hilton made: Spears needs to cut back on her social life (something the singer supposedly dismissed out of hand); she should revamp her entire management team, and, according to Hilton, ”only hire the very top agents, publicists, managers and assistants money can buy.”

[From the Chicago Sun-Times]

Paris also told Britney that she can’t listen to her friends, at least in terms of her career. Even though they were in the same room, Paris told Brit “You have to listen to people who truly are experts in entertainment. You can’t be listening to friends, no matter how good or loyal they are, to tell you how to run your career.” I’m guessing that the “little birdie” who passed on the conversation didn’t do so verbatim. I tried reading those two sentences to myself in Paris’s flat affect, and it still sounded far too eloquent. But if Paris said anything along those lines, good for her. And you know that when Paris Hilton is looking smart and mature compared to you, your life is really in the gutter. Aside from a near-death experience, I can’t imagine what else could possibly jar Britney out of her grand delusion.

Picture note by Jaybird: Here’s Paris and Britney at a party hosted by Sharon Stone at the Scandinavian Style Mansion on Britney’s birthday. Incidentally, Brit was also accused of stealing four white coats from designer Katja Berglund at the party. Not sure how that plays into Paris’ plan. Header image thank to Splash Photos. Bottom photo thanks to PR Photos.

To me, there are only a few things that are truly scary. Nuclear war, being in a car accident, and that little dead girl from “The Ring” climbing through my television set. I just bought a plasma TV under the assumption that she can’t fit in there. The store clerk wouldn’t put anything in writing, but he was pretty sure she wouldn’t like the plasma, since she died in a well. So I’m assuming I’m safe there. The only thought that rivals any of those is the possibility that someday, a child could burst forth from the loins of Paris Hilton. Scary, right? Which would you rather have, Paris Hilton’s baby shooting out of your TV or the dead Ring girl? I know, it’s not really one of those questions that can be answered.

Paris wants to have a baby, and it sounds like she has really well thought out, unselfish reasons. She wants her kid to be able to play with Nicole Richie’s baby. I wonder what she’s planning on doing with it the rest of the time.

Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie have been best friends – and occasionally the best of enemies – for years. Now that Richie is pregnant, Hilton says she’s hoping their offspring will be second-generation BFFs. “Nicole and I have been playing together since we were two years old,” she told PEOPLE at the Nissan Live Sets One Year Anniversary Party. “I was just telling her, ‘I want a baby so that our babies can play together.’”

Still, Hilton admits, she has a few things to take care of first – like finding a man! “I don’t have a boyfriend right now,” the Simple Life star insisted. “But I would love to start a family.” In the meantime, she’ll be content playing Auntie Paris to Richie’s baby with Joel Madden. (The little one is due in January). “[Nicole] is really excited, and happy, and a little scared,” Hilton said, adding that Madden is “a gentleman. … We all can’t wait!”

[From People]

Well at least she’s got her head on straight. If evolutionary theory is correct, Paris Hilton really shouldn’t be able to mate successfully. Though if that were true, a lot of people wouldn’t be able to reproduce; but it seems like a lot of the worst candidates are also the most fruitful. I wonder if Paris can teach her kid to speak with her unique vocal combination of flat affect with a side of valley girl accent, or if that’s a unique trait that can’t be reproduced. Something tells me she’ll end up being a godmother very soon, and hopefully that little tiny bit of responsibility will scare her off the idea of kids for a while.

Picture note by Jaybird: Here’s Paris hawking her new perfume “Can Can Paris Hilton” at Macy’s in Garden City, New York on November 13, 2007. Seems motherly to me. Images thanks to PR Photos.

Mary-Kate Olsen and Paris Hilton’s longtime on-off-on-but-now-off boyfriend, Stavros Niarchos, were seen making out at the Chateau Marmont on November 12. Then the two former lovers headed to Hyde for some more public canoodling. All the tabloids are buzzing with the news this week, with Life and Style stepping it up a notch by declaring a feud between Mary-Kate and Paris. They’re probably just making it up, but it could be true since Paris was said to despise Mary-Kate, who was seeing Stavros when she scooped him up. Paris is being sued by a Party planner for threats she made against him after he supposedly told Stavros to dump Paris at that time and get back with Mary-Kate. (That lawsuit looks like it has either been abandoned or settled, although it’s hard to tell.)

So even if Paris isn’t actively out for Mary-Kate’s neck, she’s probably pissed that she’s back with Stavros, even temporarily. Paris was most recently reconciled with Stavros late this summer, suggesting he’s her fallback boyfriend.

“They were super into each other,” clubgoer Susan McGinley tells Life & Style. Adds a second partyer [sic], Stacey Kives, “He was making moves and she was eating it up.”

The duo kissed passionately for a few minutes, says the first witness - and then Mary-Kate, 21, put her hand over her mouth and giggled.

One person wasn’t laughing. When Stavros’ on-again, off-again love Paris Hilton, 26, heard about the PDA, she was infuriated. “She thinks MK was publicly hooking up with Stavros just to piss her off,” says an insider close to Paris.

In fact, the insider says, Paris believes the hookup was all about revenge. Back in 2005, MK was in what she thought was a serious relationship with Stavros, 22, when the shipping heir started seeing Paris as well. “Mary-Kate has hated Paris ever since,” notes a mutual friend… Making matters worse, Nicky Hilton is now dating David Katzenberg, another one of Mary-Kate’s exes!

[From Life & Style, print edition, December 3, 2007]

The article adds that the supposed insider claims that Paris is “totally over Stavros,” and that “she thinks he’s too young for her.”

And Mary-Kate and Stavros’ reconciliation may be more than just a fling - or not. They were also spotted out on October 24 at a fashion event, and Stavros “had his arm around her most of the night.”

Mary-Kate was most recently dating hockey player Sean Avery, but he was said to be cheating on her with his ex, Lake Bell.

MK is shown in the header image out on 10/21/07 in West Hollywood, thanks to Splash News. She is also seen in a ridiculous robe-looking coverup thing at the “7th On Sale” Black Tie Gala in NY on 11/15/07, thanks to WENN and PRPhotos. Stavros is shown outside of Hyde on 11/5/07, thanks to WENN.