Last night’s first epside of the new season of “The Simple Life 4: We don’t speak to each other” premiered on the E! Network. While the ratings haven’t come out yet, we would assume it didn’t draw the same audience as the 13 million viewer peak of the series’ third season on Fox. (We thought “The Break Up” would tank too, so what do we know?)

“Simple Life 4″ was originally going to have a “Bridezilla” theme as it followed the psuedo-celebrities as they planned their weddings to whomever they were engaged to at the time. When their relationships were discarded like last month’s four-figure handbags, producers settled on a “wife swap” plot that falls flat.

The show is said to royally suck. Paris and Nicole get up to their normal cringe-worthy scripted hijinx - except this time they do it separately and with less panache.

Here’s a preview of the fourth season. The announcer speaks Dutch. Don’t let that throw you, because the clip’s in English and how much can they say about this crap anyway?

Here is Nicole Richie at MTV’s “Spankin’ New Sounds” on June 1st with Christina Milian [via] and flying out of San Diego supposedly on June 2nd. [via] (She’s wearing the same dress so we would assume these pictures were taken on the same day.)

This is not news, but it does confirm that Kim Kardashian’s eBay ID is *styleworld* (with asterisks around it) as we reported yesterday. She was seen out in the Christian Louboutin platform espadrilles, size 9, that she bought on eBay on April 24th for $445.00 plus $16.95 shipping.

Kim, 25, attended the “Entourage” LA premiere on 6/1 wearing the overpriced but discounted shoes. She was hanging out with Paris Hilton at the event. She is dating Nick Lachey and is the daughter of O.J. Simpson lawyer, Robert Kardashian.

Related:

Nick Lachey’s new girlfriend, Kim Kardashian, attended the Dom Pérignon Rosé Vintage 1996 launch with Paris Hilton on June 2nd in Beverly Hills. She was photographed the day before at the “Entourage” LA premiere with Paris, suggesting the two are friends now. Paris may not be befriending Kim just because she’s Nick Lachey’s girlfriend and is in all the gossip mags this week - Kim was seen posing with Paris and her good friend Caroline D’Amore at the NFL draft party for Paris’ then-boyfriend, Matt Leinart. Nick Lachey was also at the party on May 2nd, and People reports that was where he met Kim.

The first four photographs are HQ [via], the rest are smaller.

Related:

The PopBitch e-mail newsletter reports this week that Paris Hilton got fingered at a club by a strange guy and acted like nothing was happening:

That’s possible, but it sounds like a nasty rumor someone just made up.

New NFL quarterback Matt Leiner, Paris’ latest fling, seems to have taken his teammates advice to stay away from her as we reported last week. Ted Casablancas reports that Leinart has a new girlfriend in Arizona, where he’s training with the Arizona Cardinals:

Paris must not care mutch. She was photographed with 50 Cent’s hand on her boob at a party in Cannes this week. That makes it seem more likely that she was fingered by a random guy at a club.

As Jossip points out, Lindsay Lohan isn’t the only one with a firecrotch. Paris was photographed in her “modeling days” wearing flame-encrusted panties, as shown above.

Here she is coming back from Cannes. [via]

The new “Simple Life” on the E! Entertainment Network, prophetically titled “Til Death Do Us Part,” is so terrible that the NY Daily News gives it zero stars. News TV editor Richard Huff says that the Fox version was funny at least. Richie and Hilton never appear together in the new series due to their ongoing feud, but it’s the terrible concept and bad execution in the latest installment of the faux reality show that make it cringe-worthy. Based on the preview of the first episode he screened, Huff calls it unwatchable.

I didn’t like the original “Simple Life” and felt uncomfortable watching the girls pull such immature pranks. If this reviewer thought the Fox version was good, the new season must be terrible.

Richie got producers threatened two months ago by asking an 11 year-old boy on the street if he thought she was a MILF during filming. When the boy confessed he didn’t know what it meant she explained the acronym in foul detail. The boy’s parents complained about the incident and refused to sign a release allowing the clip to be used. That’s not funny, and it seems safe to say that nothing else about “Til Death Do Us Part” is funny, either.

Here are some older images from this year’s filming of “The Simple Life.”

Paris Hilton was seen sitting on 50 Cent’s lap in Cannes. He checked out her tiny cans and put a hand on her boob . She later got cosy with scum-bag director Brett Ratner, who is Lindsay Lohan’s ex f*ck buddy. Lohan and Paris missed each other in Cannes, though:

Monopolizing isn’t the same as making out, unfortunately.

The Mirror could have easily made up that story based on photos that came out of Paris with 50 Cent at the party, shown below.

Lindsay Lohan was making out in public with Paris’ ex, Stavros Niarchos, and also spent the night at his hotel. She seems to be spreading the fire-y love.

Here is Lohan getting swag at the GQ Celebrity Poker Tournament. She seems to be dressing from Nicky Hilton’s clothing line. Paris is shown at the De Grisogono party in Cannes on 5/22. Kimora Lee Simmons, Tommy Hilfiger, and Brandon Davis are also pictured. [via]

According to the NY Daily News, Paris Hilton played an angry voice message for friends from Lindsay Lohan, in which Lohan had some things to say about the “firecrotch” video featuring Paris and a drunken Brandon Davis.

Maybe Lindsay will realize that the firecrotch video is the best thing to happen to her image since she was rumored to be considering charity work at an unspecified time in the future. She should just suck and up and relish her status as a victim this week.

Paris has been partying in Cannes, and picked up $200,000 just for showing up at a charity event. She couldn’t have even bought her way into a Vanity Fair party, though.

That’s awesome that bird face can’t get into any more Vanity Fair parties. If only she would get banned from an entire country like Snoop Dogg.

Here she is in Cannes at the X-men 3 premiere and out shopping with Caroline D’Amore. Did you notice that we didn’t post any pictures of her for two days? This took a lot of restraint.

Lindsay Lohan shows how self-aware she is by admitting that she can’t be monogamous:

She also took the high road while at a party with bloated Brandon Davis and Paris Hilton, and did not confront the pair or say anything about Davis’ famous “firecrotch” rant about her:

We feel kind of sorry for Lohan now, and will work on that. She’s sure to say something arrorgant soon that we can latch onto.

Here she is at the Parasuco Launch Party last night in NY.

The NY Post reports on the video on TMZ you’ve most likely seen in which Brandon Davis goes on a creative drunken rant on Lindsay Lohan. Paris Hilton and Caroline D’Amore giggle in the background, but Paris doesn’t add much except to say that Lindsay’s movie bombed. Near the end of the footage she asks Davis “Whose movie bombed?” to get him to say “firecrotch” yet again.

As we’ve mentioned here, Davis decided not to be friends with Paris a while ago and claimed it was because Paris was a racist, citing her use of the “N” word and bigotry against Jews. The Post notes that Davis is a hypocrite because he jokingly asks in the video if Wilmer Valderrama is “in a mariachi band.”

Davis dated Mischa Barton for about a year until she broke up with him in the spring of 2005. People say Barton was annoyed by the tight control the oil heir’s family had over his finances, and how he had to ask for money for everything. He was most recently tied to Camilla al-Fayed, the daughter of Harrods owner Mohamed al-Fayed, but it’s doubtful that they’re still together based on the way he’s been acting.

The Gallery of the Absurd has a new illustration of Davis as shown above, picturing the bloated oil heir with unflattering adjectives spewing forth from his oversized head.

The video reminded me of college, in which liquored-up do-nothings would talk smack about each other after going out to clubs. No one cared what my friends had to say, though.

Davis is rather gross and stupid, but you have to admit that “firecrotch” is a pretty clever nickname for Lohan and we will enjoy referring to her as such in the future. As the NY Post notes, she was seen yet again with Stavros Niarchos, Paris’ ex. She also spent the night a few days ago with Paris’ other ex, Paris Latsis, but he must not have been on hand for a quick revenge screw when she needed him.

Here’s a non-censored and slightly different version of the video. The paparrazi are calling Davis “Stavros”!
Someone added a classical intro and “Firecrotch” title. So great.

And here is Paris on the night in question, in which she attended Janet Jackson’s 40th birthday party [via]

Update: Paris’ publicist has responded to the incident, emphasizing that Paris was not the one bashing Lohan.

Yesterday we mentioned that Paris hasn’t been spotted with her new boyfriend, NFL quarterback Matt Leinart, since last Wednesday morning when he did the walk of shame outside of her place. There may be a good reason for that - Leinart has supposedly taken flack from his teammates for getting so much press by banging Paris:

The National Ledger has more quotes from the article:

The guy was just recruited by the Arizona Cardinals and he needs to prove himself. His contract details are not known, but his deal is said to be around $12 million. That seems like a lot of money, but he may have lost out on about $10 million more. He was the number 10 draft pick after falling in the rankings by losing a national title game, so he’s probably worried about his football career. He’s obviously taking his teammates seriously and probably won’t be seeing much more of Paris.

Update: video of Paris kissing Leinart at his NFL draft party and trying to sing. She can’t dance, either.

And here are some pictures of Leinart at Arizona Cardinals Minicamp on 5/5/06: