Paris Hilton was seen sitting on 50 Cent’s lap in Cannes. He checked out her tiny cans and put a hand on her boob . She later got cosy with scum-bag director Brett Ratner, who is Lindsay Lohan’s ex f*ck buddy. Lohan and Paris missed each other in Cannes, though:

Monopolizing isn’t the same as making out, unfortunately.

The Mirror could have easily made up that story based on photos that came out of Paris with 50 Cent at the party, shown below.

Lindsay Lohan was making out in public with Paris’ ex, Stavros Niarchos, and also spent the night at his hotel. She seems to be spreading the fire-y love.

Here is Lohan getting swag at the GQ Celebrity Poker Tournament. She seems to be dressing from Nicky Hilton’s clothing line. Paris is shown at the De Grisogono party in Cannes on 5/22. Kimora Lee Simmons, Tommy Hilfiger, and Brandon Davis are also pictured. [via]

According to the NY Daily News, Paris Hilton played an angry voice message for friends from Lindsay Lohan, in which Lohan had some things to say about the “firecrotch” video featuring Paris and a drunken Brandon Davis.

Maybe Lindsay will realize that the firecrotch video is the best thing to happen to her image since she was rumored to be considering charity work at an unspecified time in the future. She should just suck and up and relish her status as a victim this week.

Paris has been partying in Cannes, and picked up $200,000 just for showing up at a charity event. She couldn’t have even bought her way into a Vanity Fair party, though.

That’s awesome that bird face can’t get into any more Vanity Fair parties. If only she would get banned from an entire country like Snoop Dogg.

Here she is in Cannes at the X-men 3 premiere and out shopping with Caroline D’Amore. Did you notice that we didn’t post any pictures of her for two days? This took a lot of restraint.

Lindsay Lohan shows how self-aware she is by admitting that she can’t be monogamous:

She also took the high road while at a party with bloated Brandon Davis and Paris Hilton, and did not confront the pair or say anything about Davis’ famous “firecrotch” rant about her:

We feel kind of sorry for Lohan now, and will work on that. She’s sure to say something arrorgant soon that we can latch onto.

Here she is at the Parasuco Launch Party last night in NY.

The NY Post reports on the video on TMZ you’ve most likely seen in which Brandon Davis goes on a creative drunken rant on Lindsay Lohan. Paris Hilton and Caroline D’Amore giggle in the background, but Paris doesn’t add much except to say that Lindsay’s movie bombed. Near the end of the footage she asks Davis “Whose movie bombed?” to get him to say “firecrotch” yet again.

As we’ve mentioned here, Davis decided not to be friends with Paris a while ago and claimed it was because Paris was a racist, citing her use of the “N” word and bigotry against Jews. The Post notes that Davis is a hypocrite because he jokingly asks in the video if Wilmer Valderrama is “in a mariachi band.”

Davis dated Mischa Barton for about a year until she broke up with him in the spring of 2005. People say Barton was annoyed by the tight control the oil heir’s family had over his finances, and how he had to ask for money for everything. He was most recently tied to Camilla al-Fayed, the daughter of Harrods owner Mohamed al-Fayed, but it’s doubtful that they’re still together based on the way he’s been acting.

The Gallery of the Absurd has a new illustration of Davis as shown above, picturing the bloated oil heir with unflattering adjectives spewing forth from his oversized head.

The video reminded me of college, in which liquored-up do-nothings would talk smack about each other after going out to clubs. No one cared what my friends had to say, though.

Davis is rather gross and stupid, but you have to admit that “firecrotch” is a pretty clever nickname for Lohan and we will enjoy referring to her as such in the future. As the NY Post notes, she was seen yet again with Stavros Niarchos, Paris’ ex. She also spent the night a few days ago with Paris’ other ex, Paris Latsis, but he must not have been on hand for a quick revenge screw when she needed him.

Here’s a non-censored and slightly different version of the video. The paparrazi are calling Davis “Stavros”!
Someone added a classical intro and “Firecrotch” title. So great.

And here is Paris on the night in question, in which she attended Janet Jackson’s 40th birthday party [via]

Update: Paris’ publicist has responded to the incident, emphasizing that Paris was not the one bashing Lohan.

Yesterday we mentioned that Paris hasn’t been spotted with her new boyfriend, NFL quarterback Matt Leinart, since last Wednesday morning when he did the walk of shame outside of her place. There may be a good reason for that – Leinart has supposedly taken flack from his teammates for getting so much press by banging Paris:

The National Ledger has more quotes from the article:

The guy was just recruited by the Arizona Cardinals and he needs to prove himself. His contract details are not known, but his deal is said to be around $12 million. That seems like a lot of money, but he may have lost out on about $10 million more. He was the number 10 draft pick after falling in the rankings by losing a national title game, so he’s probably worried about his football career. He’s obviously taking his teammates seriously and probably won’t be seeing much more of Paris.

Update: video of Paris kissing Leinart at his NFL draft party and trying to sing. She can’t dance, either.

And here are some pictures of Leinart at Arizona Cardinals Minicamp on 5/5/06:

TMZ is reporting that Paris and Lindsay were in each other’s faces at a Hollywood club Friday night. Paris’ rep can’t deny it, but tries to play it down:

In terms of Lindsay namedropping Paris for publicity, it seems Paris would be more upset that Lindsay’s been bedding all of her exes this month.

Lindsay has not been photographed since Friday, and she hopefully took the weekend off from partying and sleeping with various new guys to rest up and change her clothes. Maybe the little spat with Paris helped her realize that it’s time to lay low.

Meanwhile Paris hasn’t been seen with Matt Leinart since he left her house last Wednesday morning. It’s been about a week, and we’ll see how long it takes before we see them together again.

TMZ has a video of Paris, Nicky, and Brandon Davis outside the club that night talking smack about Lindsay Lohan to the paparazzi. It’s unclear what they’re saying, but they’re clearly making fun of her.

Here is Paris on the night in question attending the Race to Erase MS event. (Paris and Brandon Davis are not together. He is an old friend of hers, although they had a big falling out at one point, with Brandon calling Paris a racist.)

Pictures [via]

I saw some pictures on WENN photo yesterday of Paris and Nicky Hilton pumping gas and getting ready to go to Mother’s Day dinner with their mom, and I honest thought “Where is their gift?” (The pictures are low-quality watermarked, but you can see what I mean in the last two rows, below. Look at how messy their car is!)

Now Paris’ rep claims that a bag containing $10,000 worth of gifts for ther mom for mother’s day was “stolen” from in front of the Hilton mansion:

Now, it’s totally possible that this happened, but it sounds like a typical excuse for forgetting to get your mom anything for Mother’s Day. We know that Paris and Nicky went shopping on Saturday as they were photographed going to Kitson, but Kitson is a trendy casual store and doesn’t sell Christian Dior items. They didnt have any bags with them that would suggest they got anything else. Maybe they went somewhere else, too, but we doubt it. The paparrazi follow them everywhere, and they would have been easily spotted at an upscale boutique if they actually did all this heavy shopping for their mom. Also, why would they have gifts delivered if they were going to see their mother on Sunday? Wouldn’t they bring the gifts with them?

There’s something about Paris’ mom, Kathy, that makes you feel sorry for her. Sure she has more advantages in life than large portions of the planet combined, but she just seems needy and unfulfilled. Her family must take her for granted, but at least they had a nice dinner together on Sunday.

Here are Paris and Nicky on Saturday outside of Kitson and on Mother’s Day outside the Ivy restaurant. It’s nice that Paris is pumping her own gas. [via] and [via] Paris, Nicky and their mom Kathy are shown at “The Race to Erase MS,” above.

Paris Hilton made an appearance at video game expo E3 in Los Angeles yesterday to promote her new tween-aimed cellphone game, “Paris Hilton’s Jewel Jam.”

She arrived a half hour late and called her game “Diamondquest” by mistake:

While she was impeccably coiffed, she may have thought the geeks wouldn’t notice that she paired red shoes with a green dress.

A promo display for the game, shown inset, reveals more than intended with a video display peeking out of Paris’ crotch.

Paris’ latest boyfriend, newly recruited NFL player Matt Leinart, was seen emerging from her house Wednesday morning carrying his clothes from the night before. New love must have Paris so confused that’s she’s unable to match her clothes or remember important details.

Nick Lachey’s new album “What’s Left of Me” is a clear and heartbreaking exploration of his very public breakup from fellow singer Jessica Simpson. Critics are saying the music is decent pop, if a bit melodramatic and depressing:

Here’s the video for “What’s Left of Me.” It’s pretty good.

The NY Daily News is reporting that Nick decided not to respond to former miss Kentucky Lizzie Arnold, who he was supposedly dating in January. She was said to have sent him several voice and text messages in a vain attempt to get in touch with him before the Kentucky Derby. He was busy with Petra Nemcova the next day, so why would he bother with a past hookup?

Stars attending the CDs release party at Mood in Las Vegas last night include Sophia Bush, Drew Lachey, Wilmer Valderrama, Ryan McPartlin, Paris Hilton, Nicky Hilton, Ryan McPartlin, Sophie Monk, Stacey Keibler, Lance Bass, Traci Swain, Casey Swain and Bonnie Somerville.

Celebrities were in attendance at the XBox 360 E3 party in Hollywood yesterday. The folks at Endgadget were also there, and reported about the new peripherals for the XBox, including an add-on HD DVD drive, to be released this Christmas season. They snapped some covert pictures of the new drive, and are not sure how good it will be

Here are Paris Hilton, Michael Vartan, rageaholic Bijou Philips, Danny Masterson, Matthew Perry, Caroline D’Amore and Taryn Manning sampling the goods. Of all the games available, Taryn Manning chose to play PacMan. Matthew Perry also seemed confused by the Jenny Holzer-type screensaver text art.