A convicted Hollywood madam, Michelle Braun, is claiming that many of her high paid escorts were well known Playboy centerfolds, and that she serviced celebrities, kings, and professional athletes. Braun isn’t naming names yet, but she’s set to publish a tell-all book and there are more than a few former clients and employees running scared. What’s more is that Braun says that many of Hugh Hefner’s girlfriends were paid prostitutes through her agency. She worked up until her federal bust in 2007, and this new story in the NY Post claims that she was working for 11 years. That means that we’re not necessarily talking about “The Girls Next Door,” as Braun started booking escorts in 1996. Not that Bridget, Kendra and Holly didn’t have ulterior motives for bedding an octogenarian.

Hollywood madam Michelle Braun is out to destroy the myth about Playboy Playmates which Hugh Hefner and his staff cultivated for decades — that the pin-ups are wholesome girls-next-door who just happen to have incredible figures they don’t mind showing off.

Braun — sentenced last week to three years’ probation and six months of house detention — is planning to write a tell-all about her 11-year career hooking up centerfolds and porn stars with the men who could afford the $10,000 minimum for a date.

Her clients included the kings of two countries, Fortune 500 CEOs and professional athletes, two of whom — a baseball star and a race car driver — ended up marrying the Playboy Playmates they met through Braun’s agency, Nici’s Girls.

Braun, who now lives in Florida with her two daughters, won’t name names yet. Of one very single TV personality, she said, “If I dropped his name to Page Six, I certainly wouldn’t be his idol.

“I only worked with famous girls, mostly Playmates. Hef couldn’t keep any of his girlfriends in the [Playboy] Mansion,” she said. “At one time, seven of the eight girls living in the Mansion were working for me. I had one of his girlfriends in the Mansion just to recruit for me.”

Playboy finally sued Braun for copyright infringement after she sent an e-mail to a prospective client with photos of one of her girls from the mag. She ended up settling the suit.

Braun also settled with the feds. After being investigated for years and raided by the FBI, she copped a plea to two felonies — money laundering and transporting a woman across state lines for the purpose of prostitution. “The girls and the clients were being harassed. I took the bullet for everyone,” she said. “In a way, I’m like Jesus, only prettier.” She laughed, “That’s a joke.”

[From The NY Post]

Poor Hugh Hefner. He can’t even find his own women who want to live rent free with an allowance and all meals catered. He has to rely on a go-between.

I don’t really care which sports stars married former Playmates who were also prostitutes, but just for fun I googled “Baseball player former Playmate,” and “Race car driver former Playmate.” The only match I found in my five minutes of research was Mike Piazza and Alicia Rickter, who married in 2005. (Here’s a list of racecar driver’s wives and girlfriends, but I couldn’t find any that stand out. There are plenty of models in the mix.)

Of course Braun is talking about Simon Cowell, when she says “If I dropped his name to Page Six, I certainly wouldn’t be his idol.” It’s not like she means Ryan Seacrest. I have a feeling that neither one of those guys would sweat it if the news came out that they’d hired prostitutes.

Braun has been photographed with Paris Hilton, Mickey Rourke, and Terrence Howard. We can’t assume that any of those people were clients or otherwise benefited from her services, but would it be so much of a stretch?

Photo credit: The Juice Blog

What’s the best way to cap off an evening with a big party thrown in honor of your new hair appliance? Well if you’re Paris Hilton, it’s with loud drunken fighting and a few calls to the cops. Naturally.

Paris had a big shindig at the Thompson Hotel in Los Angeles, all as part of her over-the-top promotion for her new combination flat iron/curling iron/brush, the Celebrity Styler. Yes, we’re excited about it too. As is fitting only Paris, the whole night was about her. Everything was pink. She debuted her new commercials. And thank goodness, she didn’t let little sister Nicky’s fender bender steal any of her thunder.

Paris Hilton has taken over the rooftop of the Thompson Hotel tonight…literally. In true Hilton style, the roof is decked out in pink, from the lighting to the bubbly, and the entire wall of the building is projecting commercials for her latest venture (and the reason for the party): the Celebrity Styler, a curling iron/brush/flatiron.

… At 7:36, the guest of honor arrives with boy-toy Doug Reinhardt in tow. The couple takes a few quick photos before Doug bows out for P’s solo shots. Then it’s time for pics with her parents. Kathy [Hilton] is loving the cameras—like mother, like daughter—until a reporter informs her that daughter Nicky was in a minor fender bender…

…Doug, clad in a lavender shirt picked out by Paris, says wedding bells aren’t ringing just yet. Despite rumors, the two aren’t engaged, but he assures me it’s definitely looking “long term.” Then I ask about rumors that Paris may be jealous of her former friend Kim Kardashian. “Just look at her,” he says, gesturing toward his hot pink girlfriend. “She’s not jealous of anyone.”

Nicky arrives unharmed and sashays around the pool. Guests grub on lobster tacos, spicy tuna rolls and steak and chicken skewers as Paris takes over the mic to thank guests for coming and to debut her new commercials. There’s no table dancing or PDA sessions tonight for the former party girl. She calls it an early night, and all partygoers get gift bags with the Styler and brush. Score!

[From E! News]

So how do Paris and Doug cap off such a lovely evening? One of their epic fights. I love how Doug is always talking about how serious and long term they are (despite a reasonably long breakup a while ago), and yet this isn’t their first police-worthy argument.

Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt got into an epic fight early this morning … so much so the LAPD responded to a call — “Drunk people arguing” — this, according to law enforcement sources. It happened a few hours ago in the Hollywood Hills. An eyewitness tells us he saw Paris in her driveway and Doug getting in his car, when Paris began screaming, “Don’t go, don’t go!”

The eyewitness tells us Doug got out of the car and the lovebirds began “shoving each other.” The last the eyewitness saw Paris and Doug go back up the driveway. According to law enforcement, cops spoke to Paris and left.

[From TMZ]

I love it. “Don’t go, don’t go!… I wanna keep screaming and shoving you!” What morons. Paris is getting extremely desperate. Though she’s always been reported to be rude and self-centered and really only negative adjectives, I can’t remember any stories of her having police show up because of domestic fights. That seems to be unique to Paris and Doug. And he’s a total do-nothing nobody. Why is she so desperate to stay with the guy? Because he lets her dress him up like one of her toy poodles, that’s why. Paris is hard to have any empathy for, but she should find someone else. There are desperate guys with low standards all over the country; I’m sure she could find a relationship that’s a little less toxic.

Here’s Paris with Doug and her family at her party last night. Images thanks to WENN.com .

It seems like it’s been a while since anyone paid attention to Paris Hilton. It’s like the whole world collectively realized that there were other vapid twits to make fun of and mock, and Paris got left in the dust. But now Paris is getting her revenge! Sort of. Apparently, she’s really jealous of all the attention the Kardashian girls are getting, especially considering she “made” Kim Kardashian a celebrity by deigning to hang out with her. Paris has decided, according to Page Six, to become more like the girls she “mentored”. She’s going to tone it down, get rid of the pink Bentley, and talk about babies. Seriously.

Paris Hilton is declaring war on her former best friends, the Kardashian sisters, for becoming more famous and earning more cash than she does.

The hotel heiress is fuming that Kim and her sibs, who got their first big break by hanging out on the Hollywood scene with Hilton, have eclipsed her in the fame and money stakes. Sources say she’s hatched a plan to boost her brand by pushing a new beauty line and make herself more likable by playing down her lavish lifestyle.

A source told Page Six: “Paris is furious that Kim got her start by hanging out in Hollywood with her — and now, the Kardashians have it all, the reality shows, the magazine covers, the big appearance fees and promotional deals.”

“She used to command $100,000 for club appearances, but now Kim is the hottest girl — and they aren’t friends anymore. The magazines are bidding around $300,000 for Kourtney’s baby-shower and baby pictures. And Khloe’s wedding brought in record ratings for E!”

“Paris has realized that standing for excess in a recession doesn’t appeal,” our insider continued. “The Kardashian girls seem more real, and girls identify with them more. She’s got to ditch the pink Bentley and concentrate on developing herself.”

Sources close to Hilton said she’s carefully working on the launch of her new hair and beauty line, which she’ll unveil in Beverly Hills on Tuesday, taking the lead from the Kardashians by having her family at her side. And she’s keen to play up her more stable relationship with Doug Reinhardt and talk about the possibility of marriage and babies.

The source added: “Paris has 15 product lines on sale. She isn’t really a party girl anymore, she is quite settled with Doug. She wants more people to appreciate that she’s grown up.” A rep for Hilton declined to comment.

[From Page Six]

Yeah, I’ll buy this. All of it. I think Paris probably is jealous of Kim and any other faux-celebrity who is known for anything other than being a f-cking idiot. I’ll also buy that Paris is so ridiculous she thinks people want to hear her talk about babies and how she’s in a committed relationship, all in that grating, baby-ish stripper voice. But consider this – Paris has been keeping a lower profile for several months now… could it be that she’s actually trying to change her image for real? If it’s for real, I actually have to give the Kardashian girls some credit. They did what no other faux-celebrity could manage – they got Paris Hilton to sit down and shut up for a little while.

Here’s Paris, Kim Kardashian and someone I think is Kourtney Kardashian partying at Kim’s birthday party at TAO nightclub in Las Vegas on October 20, 2006. Also, Paris and Kim on the red carpet for the Los Angeles Premiere of ‘Entourage’ on June 1, 2006. Credit for all: WENN.

In case there was ever any doubt, Doug Reinhardt is truly p*ssy whipped. Now I have random bouts of stuffiness, and don’t really care for this particular term. But the only other thing Kaiser and I could come up with to describe it was “hypnotized by the vadge,” “utterly whipped with the power of the vadge” and “hypnotized by the rotting disease of Paris Hilton’s crotch.” All Kaiser, by the way. So use whatever of those works best for you, but let it be known far and wide: Doug Reinhardt is whipped by Paris Hilton. And not in the way a lot of men are. In an extreme way that says, “Paris likes to role-play and keeps me in her dungeon.” There’s whipped, and then there’s this. This is just degrading. I never thought it was possible for me to feel any emotions whatsoever for Doug or Paris. But I truly feel badly for the guy, and I think he’s in a situation he needs to get out of.

Over the course of the weekend, Paris and Doug attended two Halloween parties. A lot of people would repeat their outfits, but not Paris. There are only so many days you get to dress up in one year, and what’s she supposed to do the other 245 days? You gotta seize the event and milk it for its maximum paparazzi potential. Naturally, Paris dressed up as sl*tty Dorothy from the “Wizard of Oz” on Friday night for a visit with Jimmy Kimmel, and as a slutty dancer (I think) the next night.

But here’s the creepy part: She made Doug dress in a nearly identical version of each outfit. And not “identical except masculine.” If there was a skirt, Doug was in a skirt. For her dancer costume, Doug was dressed as the tooth fairy – in coordinating colors. Wearing a crinoline skirt, white stockings, a wife beater with a molar on it, a headband with a big bow, and wings. For Dorothy, Doug was wearing the exact same costume. Just with the addition of a red belt (nice!) a blonde wig, and for some reason his high heels were pink instead of red. Not surprisingly, they got in a huge fight that night.

While the evening started out in a pleasant fashion, everything went downhill for Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt after leaving Heidi Klum’s Halloween party at Voyeur nightclub on Saturday night (October 31).

According to a paparazzo source, the couple then headed to another party at Roosevelt hotel in Hollywood, where they stayed for a few hours.

As the on-again/off-again pair headed back home, photographers following them saw a cell phone flying out the window on the corner of La Brea and Sunset, during which time the limo stopped and Paris jumped out of the car to find her mobile.

Our insider adds that the hotel heiress “went back to the limo with her hands empty – yelling to Doug that she wanted to kill him for throwing her cell out of the car.”

As the limo started moving again and stopped a few blocks away, photographers approached the car to find Paris slapping Doug on the back seat, with Doug finally immobilizing his lady by holding her down before friends quickly tried to block the paparazzi from witnessing the troubling domestic moment.

[From celebrity-gossip.net]

There is some seriously messed up psychology going on here. I’m not even going to try to guess what it is. It’s hard enough figuring out the deep inner recesses of someone’s psyche when they have a normal intellect. But what to you say when they’re clearly totally messed up, but it’s Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt, so there are no deep inner recesses? Whatever it is, it is f-ed up. And there is the slight possibility Doug chose to dress himself like this. But I don’t know a lot of men who like toying with their masculinity that way.

Here’s Paris’ visit with Jimmy Kimmel. The show’s crew dressed up as different characters from Sesame Street. Jimmy dressed up as Big Bird – or “Huge Bird” as Paris classically called him. See, even by the age of three she’d already stopped learning. Paris was hawking her latest line of hair and beauty products. She also brought along one of her little puffball purse dogs as Toto – this time inside a basket instead of a purse – named Marilyn Monroe. She rejected the stuffed Toto that came with the costume because her pup is “hotter and blonder.” She also mentioned that she had “like 20 different costumes custom made.” I’m going to hope she’s exaggerating and/or her number skills are failing her again, but you never know.

Audio Where’s Waldo assignment: try to listen for Paris using the word “philanthropist.” Correctly, no less!

Here’s Paris on Jimmy Kimmel on Friday night – images thanks to Mitch Haddod/ABC. Thanks to BauerGriffinOnline for the rest of the degrading Halloween photos. Note Paris’ flat dead eyes – perfect for Halloween!

Of all the horrible, horrible things about Paris Hilton (and there are many from which to choose) the worst thing about her is her penchant for collecting animals. And I don’t mean she adopts a lot of unwanted dogs from the pound. Paris pays exorbitant amounts of money for trendy novelty pets which she discards as soon as they are no longer new and trendy to her.

There are tons of reports of Paris’ animal collecting – so many in fact that you might logically believe some of them are untrue. And that may be, but the thing is, she really has bought – or tried to buy – so many animals and done so many ridiculous things in regards to her animals, that it’s impossible to tell. And frankly because she is so incredibly stupid and selfish, I tend to assume the stories are true until proven otherwise. Boyfriend Doug Reinhardt bought her a a $10,000 Pomeranian in Japan. She honest for goodness tried to buy a cheetah. She’s owned a kinkajou and a monkey. The monkey was taken away by authorities because it bit her so many times. And she admitted on Ellen DeGeneres’ show that she has 17 dogs – because they keep having babies.

So it comes as absolutely no surprise that three days after the Daily Mail runs a story about the trendy new “it” pet, micro pigs (somehow the British micro pig is so much cuter a name than the American mini pig), it’s announced that Paris has purchased one of the pigs and will take possession soon. Not surprisingly, PETA has stepped in to chide Paris.

PETA has unleashed a brutal attack against Paris Hilton for buying a pet mini-pig recently, claiming she’s setting a “wretched example” by treating animals like they’re “as disposable as her friends and fiances .”

PETA says of Paris: “The Chihuahuas, ferrets, and kinkajous she’s paraded through her home in the past were not accessories, and pot-bellied pigs aren’t either.”

The good news: Paris told us she doesn’t think she’ll get swine flu because she doesn’t eat pork.

[From TMZ]

All I can say is, save your breath PETA. I know your heart is in the right place on this one, but Paris is a certifiable sociopath. At least according to the editor of Page Six, who I will forevermore be considered correct in all things, simply for saying this. Paris has been blamed for the epidemic of abandoned Chihuahuas, after she made them the trendy “it” pet without showing any responsibility towards them. In fact a little over a year ago the Puppy Store on Melrose Avenue refused to sell her a pooch. Yay! All I can say is more animal owners, breeders, and shelters should follow their lead. Animals are living, breathing creatures with a right to be treated decently. They are not a Tiffany bracelet. They poop. The have fur balls. You have to really love the buggers to deal with the bad stuff. Paris’ collecting of living creatures is disgusting. I’m sure she’s breaking some kind of city ordinance by now, between all those dogs and God knows what else. I’d be great if some authority would step in.

And just to help her out, I’ll take the micro pig off her hands. I’m currently pet-less, and adore curly tails.

Here are some older pictures of Paris with her menagerie.

Paris Hilton hasn’t been in trouble with the US cops recently, but she has been angering some overseas. Officials in Dubai are not pleased with Paris, who is in the city filming another season of her My New BFF reality show, which will broadcast around the Middle East. Although she is in the United Arab Emirates, where wearing revealing clothes or acting provocative is strictly against the law, she donned a bikini anyway and proceeded to prance around for pictures. The best part is that producers of her show warned her that she should be careful about how she conducts herself while on the trip.

Paris Hilton has been given a major dressing down for, er, dressing down.

TV producers had banned the airhead heiress from wearing a bikini while she is in Dubai shooting the third series of My New BFF.

But within hours she was posing for photos in a skimpy twopiece.

Brilliant. Our source says: “Paris had made a big public speech, saying how much she loved the Middle East and respected its culture. But the following day she was prancing around on the beach in her bikini and posing provocatively.

“Bosses warned her Western tourists have been jailed for flouting the rules.”

[from The Mirror]

It would be easy to write off the bikini-wearing to ignorance, but the article says that her producers warned her about the rules, and she actively refused to abide by cultural standards. Her hypocrisy is furthered by the fact that the day before, she had claimed that she just “wanted to respect everyone.”

Paris Hilton said she studied the culture of Dubai and promised the Middle East version of her reality show will steer clear of the drinking and the swearing it had in Los Angeles and London.

The remarks came as Hilton, 28, launched the Middle East edition of her “Paris Hilton’s My New BFF” series in Dubai, United Arab Emirates. BFF stands for best friends forever.

“I wanted to know everything about this place first because I wanted to make sure everything was OK,” the hotel heiress was quoted as saying by the National newspaper Thursday. “I just want to respect everyone here.”

The fame-loving Hilton promised to dress conservatively and said her Dubai-based MTV series will be open to women only. There will be no finger pointing and laughing at anybody, the show’s producers said.

“I expect to learn a lot here. It’s a completely different world,” Hilton said.

Twenty-two contestants will try their best to become Hilton’s new BFF in the 20 days she will spend in the Emirates. No air date has yet been set for the show.

When not filming her reality show, intended for broadcast throughout the Arab region, Hilton will explore the desert, go camel riding, get a henna tattoo and go skiing on Dubai’s famed artificial ski slope inside a shopping mall.

[from CelebEdge]

I love that it says Paris “studied” the culture of The United Arab Emirates. Please, the girl has never picked up a book in her life. As the article says, Paris’ idea of experiencing the culture is going skiing on an indoor slope.

Paris’ actions have, once again, simply proved the extent of her self-centered attitude and inability to understand when it’s not all about her. Even after publicly stating that she is aware of the differences in cultural attitudes in the United States and Dubai, she goes off and blatantly disregards them. You have to wonder what goes through her head at times like this. Does she think that she is simply above the law, or does an idea pop into her head, and then she goes and does it with out any concept of the consequences? I’m guessing it’s the former – actually, I’m not even sure Paris knows the meaning of “consequences.” After all, she somehow thought it was a good idea to make sexy time with Cristiano Ronaldo.

Paris Hilton is shown at a press conference for ‘Paris Hilton’s My New BFF Dubai’ on 6/17/09. Credit: WENN.com. She is also shown in the VIP area of Dubai International Airport on 6/16/09. Credit: BARM/Fame Pictures

There are a lot of things of mine that I wouldn’t want Paris Hilton to get her hands on. My dog. My boyfriend. My lady bits. Really anything whose health and safety I value, I want Paris to stay the hell away from it. According to years of rumors – which makes it pretty much a fact – Paris is also a mean, vengeful, spiteful bitch. Sometimes I doubt she’s as calculating as people claim, simply because she’d have to have at least a somewhat average level of intelligence. And no one’s debating that she’s dumber than a box of nails. Nonetheless, the last thing I’d want a vengeful, spiteful, petty person like Paris to have is access to my Blackberry. And according to Lily Allen, that’s exactly what she has. Lily claimed on her Twitter that Paris stole her Blackberry.

[From Lily Allen’s Twitter via the Frisky]

I don’t think it’s a good idea to get into a feud with either of these chicks. Both Lily and Paris can hold a grudge for years. Paris has a long history of treating her friends like crap (remember those couple years she and Nicole Richie didn’t speak to each other?) and dragging her friends into her feuds as well. But Lily doesn’t strike me as the type to sit back and be a passive victim – I’m sure she can take care of herself, and give as good as she gets.

It begs the question though – WHY did Paris steal Lily’s Blackberry? Just because she’s Paris, and can’t pass up an opportunity to be a bitch? Or did Lily do or say something to piss off Paris? A rational person would assume something had to happen to cause Paris to steal… but this is Paris Hilton. She’s incredibly stupid, immature, and entitled, and seems to think the grownup world is the exact same thing as middle school. It’s quite likely she was just bored and looking for something to do.

Here’s Lily leaving the ‘Hoping’s Got Talent’ fundraiser event for Palestinian refugee children, held at Cafe De Paris in London on Friday night. Images thanks to WENN.com .

I am not totally sure what Cristiano Ronaldo is famous for. Well, I guess it’s football, so the better statement is I’m not entirely sure why Cristiano Ronaldo is famous. I’d heard his name tossed about a few times here and there, and I’m sure part of that is because I’m an American and we don’t really do the football/soccer culture here like they do in Europe. And he is the big deal there. From what I can gather – from the auspicious sports authority The Sun, no less – Ronaldo is both talented and super hot. Well, super hot in that “he probably gets a pedicure and is waxed down there” sort of way.

Ronaldo is in the U.S. right now and hooked up with Paris Hilton. And if you weren’t a celebrity before, risking the herp with Paris will definitely make you one. It’s not like summiting some impossible mountain and you just have to try just to say you were one of the few who attempted it. Though you’d think many would be afraid to attempt it. Anyway, Ronaldo is now famous for hooking up with Paris and living to tell, which for some illogical reason means even more women are desperate to get with him. At least according to The Sun, which has some convoluted story about it. In their title it says Ronaldo hooked up with three women, but in the story he basically flirted with three women, and nothing is said about going home with any of them. That’s sort of a “Ooooh, isn’t he almost a player” type of thing.

CRISTIANO RONALDO took three sexy girls to his hotel room for a spot of dirty dancing after giving them his trademark wink. They became the latest in a string of women fans charmed by the soccer star during his US holiday — including heiress PARIS HILTON. Americans Suzanne Coppin, 32, and Allison Aimee, 26, met randy Ron 24, as he partied in his Beverly Hills hotel bar.

Allison revealed: “We had a dance-off and Cristiano excitedly said he would be the judge. We played Aerosmith’s hit Crazy and it became a sexy lapdance… . Cristiano couldn’t take his eyes off me. I felt the sparks fly as I leaned into him. Next it was Suzanne’s turn. She straddled me and pressed her chest into my face… Cristiano could not take his eyes off of her rear end. Soon she was whispering in his ear and running her hands over his chest.”

The Portuguese striker — moving from Man United to Real Madrid for £80million — was ALREADY snogging a brunette when the two girls arrived at the bar. But he pulled them as well, using the wink made famous when he got England’s Wayne Rooney sent off in the 2006 World Cup. Suzanne said: “He was kissing the girl and staring at us. He made eye contact and threw a sexy, knowing wink. He knows his effect on women.”

Allison and Suzanne said they went home at 4am, leaving Ronaldo still kissing the third girl.

[From the Sun]

At least they didn’t do that thing when the British tabloids make up quotes from Americans using a bunch of British slang. There’s a bit in the article but not in the actual quotes, so they may be legitimate. Legitimate for a story that’s basically a really detailed account of how two women danced for Cristiano Ronaldo, and he was into it. Then they went home. There’s a bit of a bittersweet melancholy to the whole thing, isn’t there?

In related news, there were a lot of reports a few days ago that Paris Hilton was back with ex-boyfriend Doug Reinhardt. It seems that wasn’t the case, or perhaps they just had a temporary hookup. But the most recent reports are still referring to her as single – and also desperately chasing after Ronaldo. Frankly from the sound of the Sun’s story, it sounds like these two are perfect for each other.

Here’s Cristiano Ronaldo enjoying the warm Southern California sunshine yesterday afternoon by the pool at his luxury hotel in Beverly Hills. I think I sort of get the interest now. Images thanks to Mavrix.

Paris, Lindsay and Britney on 11/26/06. Credit: Bauergriffinonline

Excuse me while I fall off my chair laughing. According to Page Six, Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan are profoundly disturbed with all of the attention being lavished upon Kate and John Gosselin. Of course they are. In Lindsay and Paris’s minds (is “mind” the right word?), the Gosselins haven’t done anything to get all this attention. I mean, really, what did Kate and John do that Lindsay and Paris haven’t done a million times over? Kate Gosselin is nailing her bodyguard, right? Well Paris nailed her Budget Ryan Reynolds on a boat, during a big fancy party. Where’s Paris’s US Weekly cover? Kate Gosselin is obsessed with money and freebies. So Lindsay stole $400 K in jewelry. Where’s Lindsay’s Star cover, hm?

Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton are being replaced by reality-TV couple Jon and Kate Gosselin on covers of celebrity weeklies — and they can’t stand it.

“Lindsay and Paris hate not being on the covers of weeklies,” said a source. “That’s why Lindsay has been causing so much havoc and pulling these antics. And why Paris had a big blow- up with Doug [Reinhardt].”

The married stars of “Jon & Kate Plus 8″ on TLC have been garnering attention from all the glossies, which have seen circulation boosts from their alleged infidelities and family struggles.

[From Page Six]

Honestly, though, Paris and Lindsay have never really been fixtures of tabloid covers. Their antics make it inside the tabloid magazines, but generally, most tabloids know that their antics are mild amusements, not worthy of a cover. But that doesn’t answer the question of why the Gosselins were on so many covers – surely people aren’t that interested in their every move. I wish the celebrity weeklies would put some of the scandalous men on the covers. For next week, I’d like to see Sean Penn or maybe “William Joel” and his gold-digging child-bride.

Shocking no one, some etiquette-book writer is complaining about the effects of Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan on society. Jordan Christy, master of the obvious and author of How To Be a Hepburn in a Hilton World, claims in a chapter titled “Stupid Girls” that “we can’t rely on the girls splashed across Page Six to hold up their feminine honor and reputation.” Page Six has the basics of the etiquette lesson:

PARIS Hilton and Lindsay Lohan are dissed big-time in a new etiquette book, “How To Be a Hepburn in a Hilton World,” out in August.

In a chapter called “Stupid Girls,” author Jordan Christy laments how “smart, classy and successful ladies’ slots on the local news have been supplanted with a play-by-play of Paris’ clinkworthy antics and Lindsay’s spiral into rehab.”

She urges society to embrace “real women with brains, beauty and self-respect” because, “we can’t rely on the girls splashed across Page Six to hold up their feminine honor and reputation.”

[From Page Six]

Good advice, I suppose. Girls should not look at Paris or Lindsay as any kind of role model. But what about the guys who think Paris and Lindsay are some kind of quality girlfriend? Last week, Jaybird gave a word of warning to Paris Hilton’s newest guy, Real Madrid soccer player Cristiano Ronaldo, saying “rampant syphilis can knock any man off his game.” I think Jaybird should stitch that on a pillow and hand it out to Paris Hilton’s prospective boyfriends. Perhaps Ronaldo was already warned, though, because he seems to be done with Paris after a particularly disturbing night in which Paris threatened to move to Madrid with Ronaldo just so they could be the younger, cooler, more famous version of Posh and Becks. Of course, this is according to News of the World - but I tend to think it’s in line with what I already think of Paris, and anyone dumb enough to be seen in public with her:

Paris, 28-who spent Wednesday and Thursday night with Ronaldo-wants to kick-start her flagging career by moving back to Madrid with him. The fame-hungry professional party-girl has designs of them becoming the new Posh and Becks.

She dumped her US TV star and baseball ace boyfriend Doug Reinhardt on Tuesday, when she heard mega-bucks Ronaldo was in LA, we can reveal.

Then she brazenly pursued her goal of scoring with the footballer by telling him within a few hours of meeting him: “We could be great together, you know.”

“We’re both so famous we’d become even bigger than David Beckham and Posh Spice. We’re way hotter and younger than them anyway!” She was overheard at her sister Nicky’s house, where the pair spent the night.

Afterwards Paris giggled to a friend: “I told him I’m going to move to Madrid to be with him. I promised.”

The pal told us: “Doug was just a washed-up reality TV star. All of a sudden there wasn’t as much interest in Paris, and her appearance fees were cut dramatically. She was working like a dog to make the same amount of money as before. She knows if she wins over Ronaldo she’ll be one of the hottest properties again.”

Don’t put money on that just yet . . .

[From News of the World]

So, was Paris really attracted to Ronaldo, or was she just a fame-seeking whore-missile after her “relationship” with Doug “Budget Ryan Reynolds” Reinhardt ended? I’d never really thought of Paris as the girl who was even conscious of upgrading and downgrading guys, I’ve always thought she was just happy to spread her legs for whatever guy was around. Her dating history doesn’t really read like a Who’s Who of “catches” but maybe there’s some method to Paris’s madness. Or maybe she’s just ridiculously stupid, and we’re the ones over thinking this.

Paris is shown outside Mr. Chow with her family on 6/12/09. She looks like she’s going figure skating. Credit: Horizonpix/Fame Pictures