Just when you thought Paris Hilton couldn’t get any more beautiful, she goes and does… this. I don’t even really know what “this” is, in this context. Paris Hilton goes and dresses like an S&M robot from the future? Paris Hilton’s headband falls over her eyes, and she’s too lazy to do anything about it? Paris Hilton breaks off the back of a patio chair and wraps it around her middle? I have no clue.

According to WENN, Paris was wearing this getup as part of a photo shoot. But for what? To me that’s just a convenient excuse for dressing like an idiot. So she’s dressed like Lady GaGa, wearing her “I think I’m so hot, I am so turned on by myself right now” expression for no discernible reason. Has Paris ever actually looked at herself? I think she must have one of those trick mirrors that’s fooling her, because clearly she doesn’t see what the rest of us see.

The people inside the hotel room are clearly looking at her like she’s the most pathetic moron in the world. Or else I’m transferring here. Probably both. I just love how impressed Paris is with herself. “Ooh, I’m strutting on a balcony dressed like a moron. Be in awe of me!” I’m out of things to say. The pictures speak for themselves – and they say so much that I’m speechless. Almost.

Asinine photos thanks to WENN and Fame Pictures .

Paris Hilton and her most recent boyfriend, Doug Reinhardt, got into a physical altercation with a bodyguard at a club last night. Now most people, even celebrities, would call the police, a lawyer, or their PR rep (to make sure they come off looking good). What do Paris and Doug do? They call Radar to tell them all about it. Any website devoted to such thorough documenting of Octomom’s every moment has got to be the logical first stop, right?

Paris Hilton and boyfriend Doug Reinhardt were involved in a brawl with a bodyguard in Miami early Friday. In a RadarOnline.com exclusive, Paris told us that she and boyfriend Doug Reinhardt were attacked at the DJ booth at the recently re-opened posh Fontainebleau hotel in Miami Beach.

Paris approached the DJ in the nightclub at approximately 3am and requested a song by Madonna or Black Eyed Peas, something she could dance to. The DJ was spinning techno music. Suddenly a bodyguard near the DJ pushed Paris, she told RadarOnline.com. Doug then told the man not to touch his girlfriend.

Reinhardt tells RadarOnline.com, “I came to Paris’ aid,” and all hell broke loose! The bodyguard and Doug then began to brawl. “I can’t believe someone would do this to us, it’s really scary,” Paris told RadarOnline.com. Hotel security intervened and the fight was broken up.

The cops were called to the scene, but no charges were filed. Paris was not injured, but Doug had a bloody lip. Paris and Doug left the club and planned to bolt from Miami as soon as possible.

[From Radar]

Honestly, I don’t blame the body guard. If Paris Hilton got within three feet of me, I’d push her too. It’s just a natural reflex that can’t be helped; same as when the doctor hits your knee with that rubber triangle dealie during a checkup. Actually, if I had a rubber triangle dealie I’d hit Paris with that. Double reflex. She should just be glad the guy wasn’t a doctor moonlighting as a bodyguard (as they’re known to do).

What a crap-ass bodyguard though. Isn’t their purpose to avoid physical harm? Shouldn’t that be the last resort? Clearly that’s not the case. I understand the urge to physically attack Paris Hilton, but come on. Obviously we only know Paris and Doug’s side, but it sounds like the guy was clearly out of line. And I should never – ever – have to be on Paris Hilton’s side. This guy’s a douchebag just for making me do that.

In other Paris news, German newspaper The Bild claims that Doug proposed to her on Tuesday. But Paris wasn’t exactly feeling it. They weren’t clear if the issue was the proposal itself or the ring, but either way her response was that she’d think it over.

Paris Hilton is said to be considering Doug Reinhardt’s marriage proposal – but has so far refused to give a definitive answer. The 28-year-old hotel heiress was reportedly unimpressed when her boyfriend got down on one knee during dinner with her parents Kathy and Rick at The Ivy restaurant in Los Angeles on Tuesday. Doug (23) presented Paris with a Lorraine Schwartz engagement ring but instead of jumping for joy, the socialite snapped the ring box shut and said she would need time to consider his marriage offer. The couple were photographed leaving the eatery together some time later, but Doug seemed devastated and refused to look at the blonde beauty.

[From Bild]

The pictures from that night do show Doug looking rather upset, but that could be for any reason. Though he seems to love all the attention he’s getting, so I doubt he’s distraught due to the paparazzi. Paris doesn’t seem the type to say no to a proposal. But Doug also made it clear he wants to have babies with her (gross), and something tells me Paris is the sort who wants a guy that’s unavailable. So maybe she really is passing on this one.

Update: Kathy Hilton just told Us Weekly “I’m not planning any weddings anytime soon for either of them!” Which doesn’t mean Doug didn’t propose, but if he did, Paris didn’t accept.

Here’s Paris and Doug spending an afternoon shopping in Miami Beach yesterday. There does seem to be some distance between them in these pictures. Images thanks to BauerGriffinOnline.

For me, the one saving grace in this often messed up world is that Paris Hilton hasn’t reproduced. Sure there’s war and famine and all sorts of horrendous, tragic things. But I cling to that little bit of consolation that comes with the knowledge that Hilton isn’t currently messing up an innocent child’s life. This means something to me. And stupid Doug Reinhardt is about to take it all away. Over the course of the last two years, Paris has done little more than party, strut around L.A., and talk about how much she wants a baby. And Doug seems to be the first man willing to give her one.

Nicole’s longtime BFF, Paris Hilton, 28, may be joining the mom club now that she’s serious with The Hills’ Doug Reinhardt. “Paris would make a great mom — she’s my Angel Princess. I’d love to have some mini Parises one day,” Doug told In Touch at LA’s MyHouse on March 20. “I’d love to have children, that’s what completes your life,” added Paris. Doug, 23, is also a better fit than her ex Benji Madden. “She thought she could look past his tattoos and piercings, but Paris wants her children to have a clean-cut father,” says an insider. “And they’re crazy about each other.”

[From In Touch]

Can you imagine anything more upsetting than a bunch of mini Parises? I feel physically ill. And not in that funny “oh she’s just exaggerating to prove a point” sort of way. But like I might actually spend the day retching. None of Paris’ exes ever told the press they wanted to have babies with her. Presumably because they all wanted at least a semi-fit mother for their children. And not someone who collects living things and discards them when she’s bored.

If nothing else, Paris and Doug are a good match. They’re both sorta-pretty if you don’t think about it too hard. They want the same things. And they’re equally dumb. True, it gives their kids no shot at having an I.Q. above 91. But at least they’ll be pleasant to look at and know how to walk in high heels. And isn’t that what matters?

Here’s Paris (with her latest new puppy) meeting up with Kathy Griffin (and 1,234 paparazzi) to shop at Kitson yesterday. Images thanks to WENN .

Paris Hilton and her new boyfriend, fame chaser Doug Reinhardt, took a vacation to Maui. The purpose? Probably just to frolic on the beach for the paparazzi. This couple is rivaling Heidi and Spencer for cheesy, posed photo ops. Paris always has her obnoxious, “I think I’m sooooo attractive” pose/face going on. Which is funny, because nothing makes her look less attractive than when she does that.

Fame noted that “Paris’s beautiful blue bikini and wrap are the same color as the crystal clear azure Pacific Ocean. Paris and Doug are both very affectionate and touchy feely towards one another!” I wonder what she had to do to get that great line from the photogs? I’m surprised they didn’t compare it to the crystal blue of her colored contacts.

I think she looks like crap, but that’s mostly because of her personality. I guess Paris’ body is fine. But it’s hard to separate such a crappy person from her body. Well, guys do it. That’s how she manages to get a boyfriend. But I’m just not capable. I see Paris and I feel itchy and uncomfortable, like her myriad diseases might actually crawl through the screen.

On that note, here are some lovely photos! Images thanks to Fame.com and Pacific Coast News.

Paris Hilton bought herself a Bentley for Christmas. But not just any Bentley. She had the body and hubcaps of her Continental LT spray painted Pepto Bismol pink, replaced the trademark Bentley initials with her own, and had the windows tinted so that the paparazzi couldn’t snap photos of her inside. Now she has called the dealer in England, where the car was manufactured, and asked them to “give it more sparkle” – and create a diamond-encrusted dashboard to be shipped to LA and retrofitted into her car.

Paris got one of her guys to phone Bentley in Crewe, where the vehicle was made, to ask if it would be possible to give it a little more sparkle.

“When the man said she wanted to stud the dashboard with a couple of hundred grand’s worth of diamonds, we were stunned.

“We’re used to dealing with the stars so we expect the odd extravagance, but this is something else.”

Paris bought the Bentley in December as a Christmas present to herself.

She had it sprayed pink and the Bentley badge replaced with her own initials. The upholstery, grille and hubcaps are also pink and the car has a tint on the windows to prevent photographs being taken of her inside.

She gushed: “I’ve just always wanted a pink car.

“I think when you’re a little girl and you have the Barbie Corvette you’re always like, ‘Oh, I wish I had a car like this one day.’

“I think it just comes from being a fan of Barbie for so long.”

[from the Sun]

I guess Paris never played with the Astronaut or Working Woman Barbie. Somehow I see her parents special-ordering clothes (all pink) for Paris to play with in her kids-sized playhouse complete with a garage full of Barbie cars in different shades of pink. She probably just dressed the Barbies up, put them in a circle around her, and pranced around in front of them – the perfect audience. Usually, I would say that if Paris has the money for a diamond-encrusted dashboard (almost $300,000 worth), more power to her. But in a worldwide recession, it is nothing less than tacky to flaunt what you have in such an ostentatious way. Especially when the plant where you expect that order to be carried out has been temporarily closed due to the economy.

Here are pictures of Paris out in her pink Bentley on 1/14/09, and her blue Bentley on 1/9/09. Credit: WENN

Paris Hilton must think animals are jewelry. While most girls beg their boyfriends to buy them diamond earrings (or we more down-to-earth sorts just appreciate some flowers), Paris begs her man to dole out ten grand on a dog. And not even a regular sized dog or one that can do magic or something that would make it worth $10,000. We’re talking about a teacup Pomeranian here. That’s like spending $1,000 an ounce.

I don’t really consider tiny yippy dogs to be a romantic present. Did she mistake the Pomeranian for a diamond necklace? I’m sure that on more than one occasion Paris has accidentally fastened a Chihuahua around her neck instead of a strand of pearls, so it’s possible.

So much for inconspicuous consumption. Paris Hilton and her new boy-toy Doug Reinhardt seem unaware of recession-era etiquette.

“Doug bought Paris a $10,000 teacup Pomeranian when they were in Japan recently,” a source told Life & Style magazine. “And for Valentine’s Day, he bought her an Andy Warhol print of Marilyn Monroe.”

On the heels of a nearly yearlong relationship with Good Charlotte rocker Benji Madden, Hilton may not be ready to settle down. “He definitely wants something more with the relationship, but he’s just happy to be with her,” an insider told Life & Style.

In times like these, maybe Hilton should milk this one for all he’s worth.

[From MSNBC’s The Scoop]

I’m really confused how minor league baseball player/“The Hills” cast mate Doug Reinhardt could afford to throw away ten grand on a quasi-dog. The Andy Warhol print is debatable, depending on your feelings on pop art. But Paris has dozens of dogs. I’m not even exaggerating to make a point here. She collects animals like they’re size 11 shoes. Animal authorities have been to her home on several occasions – because she also likes to keep illegal, exotic pets. She once tried to buy a cheetah. Again, not a joke. She needs another pet like she needs bigger feet.

Doug, see what happens when you just bring Paris a bouquet of Gerbera daisies. I dare you.

Here’s Paris looking demurely at the ground as she leaves Hyde nightclub with Doug Reinhardt on Sunday. Images thanks to Pacific Coast News.

A few months ago Paris Hilton broke up with Benji “the love of her life” Madden because he was preventing her from partying as much as she wanted. Some people said Benji was a control freak, but Paris parties every single night. Asking her to stay home once in a while doesn’t seem that ridiculous to me. Anyway, though she claimed to have an eternal, deep, undying love for him, Paris chose a state of constant drunken debauchery over a nice guy. Which says a lot about her. But now there’s rumors she wants him back, after hearing that Benji had hooked up with singer Katy Perry.

Jealous Paris Hilton wants her ex-boyfriend Benji Madden back after seeing him hit it off with another sexy celeb. The hotel heiress – who split from the Good Charlotte rock star last November – has admitted she is still in love with Benji after seeing pictures of him spending Valentine’s Day with US singer Katy Perry.

A source said: “Paris still has very strong feelings for Benji and seeing those pictures has really hurt her – especially as they were taken so close to her birthday. She is determined to get Benji back and she is not going to let anyone or anything stand in her way.” Benji and Katy spent the romantic day together in Las Vegas, although the ‘Hot n Cold’ singer has since insisted they are just good friends.

She said “It’s two pseudo-famous people sitting next to each other – it doesn’t mean we were bumping uglies! You know I don’t just do that with anyone! I was there celebrating a really fun show and a boozy Valentine’s Day with all my good friends. We were like a group of 25! … Benji is a nice young fellow, but my heart really belongs to my cat.”

Shortly after Paris separated from Benji, the blonde socialite admitted she still had strong feelings for the musician. Paris (28) said “He’s my best friend. He’s been so great to me, so loyal, we will always be really close. I’m still in love with him. He’s a very special person – there’s no one like him.”

[From Bild]

Katy obviously denied that anything was going on, but I’m not sure I believe that. It seems like celebs feel obligated to say that until they’re practically married.

Nonetheless, I hope there’s no chance in hell Benji considers getting back with Paris. He can do much, much better. If nothing else, it seems like their lifestyles weren’t really compatible. Sure he’s famous and goes out often enough, but it appears like he’s still somewhat levelheaded about it. Paris is sober for less than three hours of the day. It doesn’t matter the day of the week, where she is in the world, or what else is going on – she is at a club. Even sneaking into (and getting thrown out of) them on occasion. These two just have no chance in the long run.

And really, what sensible man would possibly want to end up with Paris long-term anyway? If I were a guy I’d pick Katy Perry over her any day.

Here’s Paris attending a photoshoot at Damiani Boutique in Los Angeles yesterday. Images thanks to WENN.

I can easily blame Paris Hilton for three or four dozen major problems. Everything from bad extensions to global warming – if I try hard enough, I can find some way to link it all back to Paris. But it turns out there is something Paris is legitimately responsible for – the wave of neglect of Chihuahuas. According to California animal rescue workers, Paris popularized the dogs as trendy accessories. And vapid, stupid girls tried to copy her – and eventually dumped the dogs when they got sick of them.

Paris Hilton has been blamed for an epidemic of abandoned Chihuahuas in California animal shelters, because she’s made toting around the pups in tiny handbags a major trend.

The hotel heiress was investigated last year after admitting she owned 17 dogs, allegedly breaking U.S. laws that ban non-breeders from having more than three per address.

Animal shelter bosses in Santa Barbara have now prohibited anyone under age 21 from adopting a miniature pup, after seeing a growing trend of young women dumping their full-grown dogs when they’re sick of caring for them.

And activists are blaming Hilton’s menagerie of tiny animals for the problem.

Chihuahua Club of America head Lynnie Bunten tells the National Enquirer, “Chihuahuas are not a toy or a fashion accessory. But because some people think they are — then realize they’re wrong — there’s a growing problem of abandoned Chihuahuas.”

[From the San Francisco Gate]

Paris is really horrible when it comes to animals. She collects them like they’re accessories instead of living creatures that require food, shelter, care, and attention. She’s so empty and useless, of course she doesn’t realize there’s an important element of responsibility involved. I don’t really care for Chihuahuas – or any purse dogs. But I’m damn sure her infamous little Tinkerbell has a lot more going on upstairs than Paris does on her best day.

People need to think carefully before they buy pets. Cute little animals grow up into something bigger and slightly less adorable. If you just like them when they’re tiny and new, it’s a bad decision. Every Easter there’s always a rash of baby chicks and bunnies that flood animal shelters after people impulsively decide to buy the cute little fuzzballs, forgetting that they require long-term care.

I used to live near Microsoft’s Redmond campus, and in the early nineties they gave their employees baby bunnies as Easter presents. A lot of people dropped them off on a grassy hill next to a nearby Azteca restaurant. Those critters multiplied at astronomical rates – even for rabbits. For years you could see them from the highway when you drove by. It’s a great example of why you need to think long and hard about buying pets, and always make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons.

Here’s Paris trying on a few outfits (and a dog?) while shopping at Harmony Lane with a West Highland Terrier sharing her changing room today in Los Angeles. Header is an older picture of Paris trying to nom what I think is a sleeping chihuahua. Images thanks to WENN.

Paris Hilton’s crappy reality show – an embarrassing attempt at finding a new best friend for a girl that no women like – has a new contestant, and she’s spilling the beans about Paris. And they’re not very flattering beans. Actress Laura Meakin replaced another contestant – a pole dancer – who had a burst appendix. Laura – who is described as very level headed – doesn’t seem all that interested in winning the contest to be Paris’ new best friend. If she is, she’s got an unusual way of going about it. She described Paris’ life, and it’s exactly as superficial and empty as you’d expect. And – surprise – Paris is really vain!

“Paris doesn’t walk, she floats. When she breezes into a room you can’t help but stop and stare at her. She never looks anything less than immaculate because she as a team of people constantly preening her to perfection. She is always worried that she looks too shiny or whether the cameras are getting her best side. Before Paris leaves a nightclub, her lip gloss is freshly applied by a flunkie, her hair is styled and she insists on looking flawless. She has a check in the mirror for lipstick on her teeth and then strides out.

The paps are jostling about and flashbulbs are going off all over the place and its quite scary. But she loves it. Paris totally adores the attention and the cameras. At the time she was still dating Benji Madden. He was ever so sweet and would be waiting away from the cameras with a glass of water and cigarette for her. She’d say: My feet are f***ing killing me! and be straight on her jewel-encrusted BlackBerry. She was hardly ever off that thing and was always texting and emailing. She actually had two BlackBerrys.

I was never fooled into thinking I would become Paris Hiltons best friend in the world. It’s purely an entertainment show and I saw it as a job. I must admit, I was also curious to meet Paris and find out what she was really like. She’s actually genuinely lovely. When I first met her I was wearing my designer shoes. She came up to me and said: Oh my God! Your Gucci shoes are so hot! That is honestly how she talks. Everything has to be hot. There is something very childlike about her.

I never saw her in the same outfit twice. If I saw her in the morning, by lunchtime she was in a completely different outfit. She must change about three times a day.

[From the Mirror]

Laura does say some very kind things about Paris, and points out that she’s actually very nice, even though she lives in a vapid bubble. A better way to put it is that Paris can be nice, when she wants to. She can also be a total snot, as witnessed by her comment about the recently married Fergie.

Paris Hilton chatted up Fergie (below) during the Vanity Fair & Krug dinner party at L.A.’s Chateau Marmont, grilling the singer for details of her recent wedding and honeymoon. But as soon as Fergie Ferg walked away, the celebutard sniped to sister Nicky, “Ha — my engagement ring was bigger!” Yeah, Paris, but which one of you is actually married?

[From the New York Daily News]

I’ll also note that Paris’ engagement ring was so big that she had to get another one for general day-to-day activities, because the actual ring hurt her hand after a while. It was a 24-carat ring. That’s just disgusting. And not “disgusting” like I’m jealous, “disgusting” like it’s ostentatious and tacky. Okay maybe I’m jealous. But that’s the only thing about Paris I’ve ever been jealous of. Well, that and her canoe feet.

Here’s Paris Hilton heading home after a night out in Hollywood on Wednesday. Images thanks to Fame.

Paris Hilton made fun of her ditzy image in a series of faux political videos for Funny or Die that were released during the US Presidential campaign. The ubiquitous squinting “heiress” spouted off on everything from energy policy to the middle east in her “Paris for President” videos inspired by McCain’s ad comparing Obama to celebrities like Paris and Britney. No one believed that Paris wrote those ads, but she did seem a little more intelligent than normal while she was starring in them. She could pronounce big words, which no one expected.

Lately Paris has been reminding us why she has a reputation of being dumb, though, and is proving that it’s not all an act. She initially named chef Gordon Ramsey as the Prime Minister of England, but then correctly said it was Gordon Brown. From the way the Daily Mail words this, it’s unclear when she got it right and it could have been after someone let her know:

Paris Hilton has insisted that her airhead heiress image is just an act for the cameras.

But is seems the star, who is in the country with her new reality television show to search for a ‘British Best Friend’ cannot even name the Prime Minister.

Miss Hilton gushed how much she loved the UK but when quizzed who the prime minister was, said: ‘It’s Gordon… Gordon Ramsay?’

The 27-year-old later corrected herself and named Gordon Brown as leader, blaming the mix up on the fact that she had eaten at Ramsay’s restaurant recently.

She later slipped up on another UK question about Essex to which she blankly replied – ‘what’s that?’.

Earlier this month she insisted that people assumed she was a bimbo because of the way she was portrayed on reality series The Simple Life, in which she attempted to live like an average American.

[From The Daily Mail]

Last year after a trip to Africa, Paris was asked which African countries she preferred. She answered “I love Africa in general — South Africa and West Africa, they are both great countries.” She also brought along bikini photos of herself and offered signed copies to children at an orphanage. Paris has a GED and has not attended college.

Here’s Paris returning to her hotel after a day of TV studio interviews today in London. Images thanks to WENN.