Octomom Nadya Suleman has long insisted that all of her kids have the same father. She’s said he was a sperm donor who’s just a friend, and that she will never ever reveal his identity. Of course with Nadya the truth is a slippery slope, as are most ethical issues. I’m convinced she’d reveal his identity for the right amount. Nadya’s also said she has no idea who the people are that In Touch recently cited in a story saying she was a stripper for more than a year. One of the guys they quoted was a limo driver. And it turns out she probably has a VERY good idea who he is – because he’s her ex-boyfriend. And he also thinks he’s probably the father of her oldest child.

Ever since she first became famous, Nadya Suleman has insisted that her 14 children were all fathered by the same unidentified donor. But it appears that Octomom may not be telling the truth. In an exclusive interview with In Touch, her ex-boyfriend says he believes he’s the father of Nadya’s eldest son, Elijah, 7 — and is demanding genetic testing.

“I want to get a DNA test on that first kid,” says Luis Ceballos, 32, who served as Nadya’s driver during the year she spent working as a stripper at bachelor parties, private events and the San Diego club Spearmint Rhino (now called Star & Garter). Luis claims he and Nadya, 33, had unprotected “sex in the back of my limo. Right around the time she stopped stripping and disappeared, I found out she was pregnant. That is why I think the kid is mine.”

[From In Touch]

Obviously we don’t know much about this guy and don’t know if he’s reputable. But Nadya’s been caught in repeated lies, so we know she sure as hell isn’t. And the guy’s story makes sense. In Touch got three separate people who all said Nadya stripped for a year. She’s still claiming it was one night in a lingerie contest. She said all her kids have the same father, but considering all the other lies, why is that believable?

All that said, this guy could just be looking for his fifteen minutes. But frankly, why would you want to be associated with this whole debacle? I’d rather be famous for getting stuck in a well or drunkenly falling onto the train tracks at Penn Station. Both better options that being associated with Nadya Suleman in any way. And if Ceballos really is Elijah’s father, he’s probably going to have to start paying child support – and possibly back child support as well. Odd, I know, but courts do that sometimes, even when the dad never knew he had a kid. You’d think that given all the potential negatives, he either legitimately wants to be involved with his kid, or he knows for sure it isn’t his son and can grab a little bit of attention for a short time. Either way, I bet he’s got a lot more to say about Nadya.

Here’s Octomom out and about yesterday. Images thanks to BauerGriffinOnline and Pacific Coast News.

Jeffrey Dean Morgan, of Grey’s Anatomy, Weeds and Watchmen, has been a father for four years. Here’s the kicker: he had no idea. Allegedly, he fathered a four-year-old son with actress/producer Sherrie Rose. Morgan is said to be “shocked” at the revelation. I suppose this means that when he breaks up with a girlfriend, he never, ever contacts her again. Us Magazine has more:

Denny Duquette is suddenly a daddy!

Former Grey’s Anatomy star Jeffrey Dean Morgan, 42, recently found out that he has a child with actress/producer Sherrie Rose, Us Weekly reveals in its newest issue.

“Yes, I have a 4-year-old son with Jeffrey,” Rose tells Usmagazine.com.

A source adds that the Watchmen star learned of the boy a few weeks ago and has since met him.

“He’s shocked and surprised, but he wants to be in the child’s life,” the source tells Us.

Rose is an ex-girlfriend of Morgan’s. The actor is also known for his relationship with his former fiancee, Mary Louise Parker. They began dating in 2006 after meeting on the set of her Showtime series, Weeds, but she called off their engagement in April 2008.

From Us Magazine

It sounds like this woman was trying to keep their son a secret. I wonder why. Did she think that Jeffrey wouldn’t step up to his obligations and responsibilities? Did he have some idea all this time, but never really acknowledged it? Or is this son not really Jeffrey Dean Morgan’s?

As far as the theory that Sherri Rose didn’t want anyone to know… how can that be? If I had sex with Jeffrey Dean Morgan, I would be shouting it from the rooftops. It is unknown if Morgan or Sherri Rose will want a blood test to prove paternity, and I feel skeezy for even suggesting it, but it might not be a bad idea.

Sherri Rose is shown at the premiere of Old School on 2/13/03. Jeffrey Dean Morgan is shown at the premiere of Watchmen on 3/2/09. Credit: PRPhotos.

A 53-year old man, who is currently going by the name John Fitzgerald Kennedy, is claiming to be the love child of Marilyn Monroe and the original JFK. Kennedy, who’s real name is John Burton, has filed a lawsuit against the President’s estate for his share of the inheritance. Lawyers for the estate are calling the suit “frivolous”.

John, be it Burton or Kennedy, says the reason he decided to go public was because he was being ignored by the administrators of the estate despite his repeated claims.

Asked why he waited 45 years after the president’s assassination to come forward, Kennedy, of Queens, New York, said: “You wait for people to do the right thing, and they don’t.

“That’s how you end up in my position.” The Manhattan federal court filing insists “Plaintiff is a child of President Kennedy” and insists that he’s been shut out of his “father’s” fortune.
His suit names the current administrators of the trust that was set up for Kennedy’s family, Edwin Schlossberg and Martin Edelman.

“In [his] will, each child of President Kennedy was to receive a certain amount of money each year pursuant to the terms in said will,” the suit says, and because he’s a Kennedy child, he deserves his share.

[From Daily Mail]

Lawsuits against the Kennedy estate claiming paternity have come up before, and none have proven genuine. But this John has taken it a step further, going as far as to say that, even though he has no photographic evidence, that Jack and Marilyn were “great parents”, and that “I couldn’t ask for anything better.” He’s also asking for a the court to give him a DNA test.

Plaintiff requests this court order DNA testing so that plaintiffs[sic] may prove that [sic] bona fides of his claim,” and order “genetic (DNA) testing of environmentalist Robert F. Kennedy Jr. and Congressman Patrick Kennedy.”

“Upon such proof being made,” Kennedy wants a judge to recognize him as a rightful heir, the suit says.

[From Daily Mail]

John Burton/Kennedy, at 53, would have been born in 1955. Between 1954 and 1956, Monroe was in four movies, River of No Return, There’s No Business Like Show Business, The Seven Year Itch, and Bus Stop, all of which showed her looking in excellent shape and not pregnant. She was also married to Joe DiMaggio until November of 1954 and started dating her next husband, Arthur Miller, in May of 1955. Mr. Burton should have done some research and math in claiming his maternal identity.

Attorneys for the estate of JFK intend to “vigorously defend against” the lawsuit.

This is John Edwards with a random baby on the campaign trail, not the baby he allegedly fathered
In that other political baby drama, Rielle Hunter, the mistress of John Edwards, has reportedly not received a dime in child support from her child’s alleged father, Edwards campaign worker Andrew Young. Hmmm. Maybe that’s because he’s totally not the dad, and everyone knows it, and Edwards should just give up this stupid charade and come clean about it? Maybe??

Despite campaign aide Andrew Young’s claim that he fathered the baby of Edwards’ mistress Rielle Hunter, The Enquirer has learned that Young has never given her a dime.

The 44-year-old blond divorcee is still being paid “hush money,” but absolutely no child support or other monetary compensation has ever been made by Young, say sources.

Young told The Enquirer last year – when Rielle was seven months pregnant – that he was the baby’s father. But when Rielle gave birth in February, no father was listed on the birth certificate. And now Young has clammed up about the bizarre cover-up.

“Andrew Young hasn’t paid a red cent to Rielle or her baby Frances because he’s never had a relationship with Rielle and he’s not the father,” revealed a close source.

“He hasn’t even spoken to Rielle in two months since since she lived with him and his wife Cheri and their three kids in Santa Barbara, Calif. as part of the coverup.

“As you can imagine, that wasn’t a great living situation and after Rielle and Cheri butted heads, Rielle moved into her own home.

“The Youngs no longer have contact with Rielle. Now, if Andrew was indeed the father, don’t you think Rielle would be asking for child support? But Andrew Young has never supported Rielle or that baby financially.”

Wealthy Dallas trial lawyer Fred Baron – national finance chairman for Edwards’ failed presidential campaign – confirmed an Enquirer report that he was the secret “money man” behind payments to Hunter.

He vehemently denied breaking any laws, and said he was simply helping “two friends and former colleagues (Hunter and Young) rebuild their lives.

[From The National Enquirer print version, Sept. 15, 2008]

Yeah, right. He was helping a friend all right: John Edwards. It’s bad enough that Edwards was basically forced into admitting his disgusting affair behind his dying wife’s back – only when his back was against the wall and there was no way to keep denying it. But to keep up with this farcical denial of being the father of that child is just adding further insult to his family’s already significant injury. His political career is pretty much dunzo- why prolong the inevitable? A simple paternity test would put an end to this- and neither Hunter nor Edwards will agree to one. Why is that?

Chris Rock is one of the unfortunate men who have been involved in a paternity case. Freelance journalist and actress Kali Bowyer claimed that Chris Rock was the father of her child, and demanded paternity tests. While initial court proceedings found that the matter was out of the jurisdiction of that court, Chris decided to go ahead with the tests to either prove her wrong or face up to his responsibilities. The boy, named Jordan, is not Chris’ son.

Despite the little boy not being Rock’s son, Bowyer is still trying to profit from the situation. She has written a book about her ‘son with Chris Rock’.

In the press release Kali Bowyer circulated for her upcoming book “Hollywood Child,” Bowyer claims her past included “a hot affair with racy comedian Chris Rock.” Her life, according to the release, “started crashing down all around her,” until “getting pregnant with Chris’ son saved her life.”

Rock’s attorney John Mayone had not received the press release, but says, “I assume this is a publicity ploy for her alleged book.” On the subject of paternity, Mayone reiterated the decision of the Georgia court that concluded that Rock was not the father of Bowyer’s son. “There is a final judgement. This is not Chris Rock’s child. It’s been fully litigated, and that includes DNA testing.”

MSNBC

Kali is said to want to contest the DNA ruling, but the time for appeal has passed.

It seems to me that Chris Rock could benefit from having some kind of screening process for potential partners. Couldn’t we all? I’d love to have a device attached to my cell phone that operates when someone offers me a drink in a bar. It would scan their body odour and say ‘No, this man is married/an axe murderer/inappropriately devoted to his mother’. If Apple could develop this it would be more in demand than the iPhone.

Chris has been married for eleven years, and has two children with his wife. Around the time of the initial paternity suit there were rumours they were divorcing but the couple has stayed together.

Chris Rock is shown with his wife Malaak Compton Rock and Fab Five Freddy on 7/9/08 at
‘An Evening with Dave Chappelle for Kevin Powell for Congress’ at in NY. Credit: WENN

Michael Lohan is my favorite walking asshole conundrum. I always have a tough time figuring out where to put him on the good/evil continuum. Not because I can’t figure out what side to put him on, but because I feel like I’m always having to extend the continuum on the evil side to make room for whatever new act of douche baggery he’s committed.

On Friday Michael claimed that Lindsay very likely has a 13-year-old half-sister from a relationship he had while he and now ex-wife Dina were separated in 1995. He made it sound like it was a near certainty. Over the weekend his story changed to “well maybe/sorta, let’s take a DNA test to be certain.” Now it’s moved to “Probably no chance in hell, and I’m going to punish this woman as much and as publicly as I possibly can.”

He tells the New York Post, “If the test is found to be negative, she’s [former mistress Kristi Kaufmann] going to be sued for libel and defamation. She contacted me and said she had a paternity test with her ex-husband and it was negative and she believed the child was mine. She said I was the only one she was with but I find that hard to believe. She was with a number of men after me and was going through a second divorce.”

Lohan adds he “doesn’t plan on discussing” his DNA test with his four children by ex-wife Dina until after the results are in, and has asked his lawyer to send Kaufmann a letter asking her to stop discussing the situation publicly.

He says, “Even if the test is positive, I have nothing to say to her because of the way she handled this. How can someone say I have another child when no testing has been done? Why did she wait so long? Is it because she wants money? Or is it because she wants to claim that Ashley is my children’s sister? She said she wants her daughter to have a relationship with my kids – especially Lindsay and Ali – and that’s pretty sick. I will never force my children to meet with Ashley.”

[From Starpulse]

So Michael Lohan has gone from “she’s my daughter, I sent her letters from jail signed ‘Daddy’” to “well I’m not so sure, let’s double check” to “I’m going to sue the crap outta your mother.” On the chance he is the girl’s father, Michael hasn’t really set the stage for a great relationship. Shocking!

I hate to give Michael Lohan credit for anything, but he does have some pretty legitimate questions. I was wondering most of them myself when I saw the first stories about this on Friday. And the girl’s mother told E! News that Lohan promised “to do for Ashley what he did for Lindsay’s career, the whole thing,” but then had second thoughts. That really makes you wonder about Kristi Kaufmann’s motivations. Sadly, I’m going to be on the edge of my seat for the next 12 days, waiting to see if Michael Lohan can legitimately add another kid to the list of his child support payments.

Header of Michael hitting the red carpet for a pre-BET Awards party on June 23rd. Header thanks to Splash News. Other images of Lohan’s maybe “secret sister” thanks to OK! Magazine.

Heaven forbid a Lohan ever act with any dignity. “Patriarch” Michael Lohan admitted on Friday that Lindsay and company have a 13-year-old half sister. And I have to admit, I was pretty excited. It was some of the better Lohan drama I’d heard in a while. Michael made it sound like it was all pretty much a sure thing – and what better way to get some new press?

Well now that reality is kicking in – and by reality, I mean the possibility of having to pay some serious cash – Michael’s critical thinking skills are also kicking in. And he’s decided that the whole thing doesn’t quite add up – even though he’s had about seven years to do the math. Never let it be said the Lohans are anything but slow. But apparently the seven years to do some basic math has led Michael to the conclusion that it’s time to take a DNA test – which he did today. How very Maury Povich.

On Friday, the 48-year-old Lohan patriarch acknowledged having sexual relations on two occasions with Kristi Kauffman, a woman he met in Houston in the mid-’90s. He said he initially believed Kauffman’s claims that her daughter, Ashley, was his, but now Lohan says the math doesn’t make sense.

“We were together in July of ’94. I think it was just before The Parent Trap came out because that’s when Dina and I were separated,” he tells E! News. “[Kristi] left me and went to Houston, Texas, and she met a guy she lived with there for a year.” According to his time line, Lohan says, Ashley, now 13, was born in June 1995—a difference of 11 months—which is why he ran out to get this test done right away.

“She had me so convinced. She had me snowballed,” he says, adding that he even communicated with the girl he believed was Lindsay’s secret sis by telephone, even helping her with her homework. Here I was sitting in jail going through a divorce, felt like I had no hope and then someone sends me a letter and says I have a baby. And I thought maybe this is what I’m supposed to do next,” he says.

[From E! News]

So at first I was thinking this story was pretty much about how anything with the last name Lohan isn’t bound to the basic rules of evolution, at least in terms of intellect. But it gets pretty seedy – it sounds like this poor girl’s mother is trying to pimp the whole situation to get some kind of acting career going for her daughter.

On Friday, Kauffman, a 44-year-old massage therapist, told E! News that Lohan promised “to do for Ashley what he did for Lindsay’s career, the whole thing,” but then had second thoughts.

“He was supposed to take a paternity test seven years ago , but he disappeared off the face of the earth,” she said. “I just want this to be resolved and the truth to be told.”

[From E! News]

Boy, none of this sounds fishy at all. I truly pray for this girl that Michael Lohan isn’t her father. Because the only thing worse than having a shady parent is having two of them. Oh, and being genetically linked to Lindsay Lohan. Nothing’s worse than that.

Here’s Michael Lohan and guests at the wrap party for his TV project ‘Wanna be me’ held at Ritual in L.A. on June 27th. Yes it’s normal to feel upset by these pictures. Images thanks to WENN/Fayes Vision.

We often hear stories of parents that have a bad relationship with each other. But imagine if your dad said your mom raped him, because he didn’t remember having sex with her and she’s so ugly he would remember. Well that’s what rapper DMX’s son has to look forward to when he gets a little older and finds out the dirty details of the first few years of his life. Monique Wayne has just been awarded $1.5 million by a judge in a defamation case against DMX (born Earl Simmons). Wayne gave birth to DMX’s son in 2004, which he denied was his, and denied ever having slept with Wayne. When the paternity test came back and DMX was proven wrong, he publicly claimed that Wayne must have raped him after they met at a Washington D.C. nightclub in 2003.

In the interview [In Sister 2 Sister magazine] — which ran as a cover story in the October 2006 issue of the magazine that featured Simmons and his wife, Tashera, on the cover — DMX was quoted as saying, “She raped me. … That might sound like some bullsh–, [but] is that the only thing in the world that’s not possible? Because when I sleep, my [penis] be out. … DNA says it is [my child]. I don’t know. … If I did [have sex with her], I would remember. It ain’t like she’s a pretty girl.”

[From MTV News]

Yesterday Monique Wayne was awarded $518,400 for compensatory damages and $1 million for punitive damages. Her lawyer said DMX’s claims had nearly ruined Wayne’s life, and it’s not difficult to see how that could happen.

Wayne, who gave birth to a child with Simmons in 2004 and later won a paternity suit and child support, testified in the court hearing that Simmons admitted to her that he made the rape claim in an effort to placate his wife. A spokesperson for DMX could not be reached at press time.

Wayne’s lawyer, Stephanie Moran, told MTV News that her client had suffered “tremendously” as a result of Simmons’ allegedly false statements. “She’s been a resident of Maryland her whole life, she went to school there and works there, and people have come up to her and acted as if they believed the statement [by Simmons], and people can be very cruel,” Moran said. “She wasn’t comfortable going out, she was depressed; and at one point she worked in an environment in human relations in a place where they sold the magazine, and people came up to her in her place of employment [to ask about it].”

[From MTV News]

We could argue all day long about whether it’s possible for a man to be raped. But it DMX wasn’t likely the victim of rape according to a judge. It seems pretty obvious that he committed adultery, got a woman pregnant, and didn’t want to take responsibility. So instead of being a man about it to his wife, he claimed to be a victim and had nothing to do with it. I can’t even imagine that DMX will have any sort of relationship with his son by Wayne. Nothing makes it sound like he’d be interested in one, considering the acrimonious relationship he’s created with his child’s mother.

I read the much-anticipated tabloids’ take on 16 year-old Jamie Lynn Spears’ pregnancy, which she announced through celeb-friendly OK! Magazine, and they have more details that suggest that she was fibbing to OK! We already reported on the news that she’s more than just three months’ pregnant as she claims and that it is suspected that her on-off boyfriend Casey Aldridge is not the father. (Most of you have heard that she may have been the victim of an older producer on her tween-oriented series Zoey 101, and that he could be the father of her baby.)

Star focuses on Casey, as we reported, and how he was fooling around behind Jamie Lynn’s back and may have even fathered another young woman’s baby while he was dating her.

The National Enquirer also reports that Casey is a cheater, and says that Jamie Lynn is due on March 7, which would make her six months’ pregnant, not three as she claims. They say that her mother Lynne Spears didn’t want her to have the baby at first. They skirt around the topic of abortion, but it seems clear that’s what they mean. It was Casey who talked Jamie Lynn into keeping the baby, they claim:

Jamie Lynn Spears’ baby is due March 7 – and an ultrasound shows that it’s a girl, the Enquirer has learned exclusively. And while her mother demanded she not keep the baby, Jamie Lynn refused – and how the 16-year-old has set her heart on marrying the baby’s father, boyfriend Casey Aldridge, a close source reveals.

“Jamie Lynn learned she was pregnant in late July, but her mother Lynne didn’t want anyone to know,” the source told The Enquirer…

“To keep is quiet, Lynne whisked Jamie Lynn from California back to her home in Kentwood, LA, as soon as she finished filming… Zoey 101 in August.

“The Lynne demanded that Jamie Lynn not keep that baby. At first, Jamie Lynn agreed, but then Casey talked her into keeping the baby.

Determined to have her way, Jamie Lynn threatened to run away, marry Casey, who’s 18, and go live with her big sister Britney, said another insider.

Lynne, 55, dropped her demand, but she’s suspicious of Casey’s motives, sources say.

“Lynnes doesn’t believe Casey loves Jaime Lynn, even though he wants to marry her. She thinks he got Jamie Lynn pregnant on purpose for money and the fame of being the father of her baby,” said the source.”

[From The National Enquirer, print edition, January 7, 2008]

How complicated can this story get? Jamie Lynn wanted to get married to Casey and move in with Britney, and that would have been entirely possible if they could have hired an organization expert and cleaning team to sanitize the mansion. Britney doesn’t live there anyway.

I guess it’s not surprising that Lynne wanted Jamie Lynn to have an abortion, even though the family is reportedly Southern Baptist and pro-life. I’m pro-choice, but understand the strong feelings that people have on both sides. To me it is an individual choice, although I respect the pro-life stance and belief that it’s wrong not to carry a pregnancy to term. My opinion on it changed quite a bit after I had my own baby, and I’ve had disagreements with family members about this very emotionally-charged issue.

It’s just a sad situation all around. Hopefully this baby will get the love and care it deserves and everything will work out for the best, no matter who is the father. It seems like Casey at least thinks he’s the dad if he’s supporting Jamie Lynn so much. Either way, once Jamie Lynn’s daughter reaches googling age she’ll be able to find out that her grandmother didn’t want her mom to have her. Maybe she’ll have other reasons to hate her by then anyway.

Jamie Lynn and Lynne Spears are shown at the LA Airport on 10/6/07, thanks to Splash News. Jamie Lynn would have been a few months’ pregnant by then, but it’s hard to tell.

Crazy Days and Nights ran a blind item last month that suggested that one of the producers of Jamie Lynn’s show Zoey 101 was the father of her baby and that he was old enough to be her grandfather. They also said that producers were freaking out and trying to find a boyfriend they could pin the pregnancy on.

This weeks’ Star Magazine is set to report that the father of Jamie Lynn’s baby is suspected to be an “older executive” on her show who will face statutory rape charges if the news came to light. Casey Aldridge is not the father and hasn’t steadily dated Jamie Lynn, Star claims. Casey has another girlfriend and is said to be being paid to keep his mouth shut.

Star magazine insists that the teenager may not be the dad – and that Spears’ friends and family think it is an older man who would face statutory rape charges.

Friends have said that Jamie Lynn was no longer even seeing Casey – and family members told Star that they believe the real father is a much older executive at her children’s TV show ‘Zoey 101′.

“Casey is being paid off to be the family’s fall guy while the real father remains unidentified,” Star magazine insists.

They say the real reason is that an older man could be charged with statutory rape if revealed to be the father of an under-aged girl’s baby.

But in Jamie Lynn’s home state of Louisiana, Casey would escape charges because a 16-year-old can legally have sex with someone less than two years older than her. “Conveniently, Casey falls under the bar by just 26 days.

“The man many suspect is the father, however, would face charges and probably prison time if he were to come forward and admit he had sex with her,” Star magazine states.

The magazine quotes “two separate Spears family insiders” who believe the father is someone who works on Jamie Lynn’s kids’ show. “Jamie Lynn has been working on Zoey since she was 13,” one of the sources said. “In Hollywood, little girls grow up fast, and she is no exception.

“With everything that has gone on in her family, she needed someone to look up to.

“But the man she found seems to have completely taken advantage of her.”

Another family source added: “Some of us have doubts as to the legitimacy of the claim that Casey is the father.

“Before the news of the pregnancy, how often did you see them together?

“Jamie Lynn has dated Casey on and off over the past two years.

“But it was not steady. In fact, she was looking to date Kevin Federline’s brother about a year ago.

“Jamie Lynn went through a time of partying, and Casey was just a part of that.”

[From Showbiz Spy]

They also say that Jamie Lynn is six months pregnant, not three, and that Casey got a different girl pregnant this year and had to confess to Jamie Lynn. Casey has another girlfriend, they claim, and has made no secret of the fact that he’s dating her:

In fact, Star claims he had a pregnancy scare with a different girl and had to confess to Jamie Lynn. “Casey is a serial cheater who has lied to Jamie Lynn time and time again,” a close friend told the magazine. “This past spring, he was forced to tell Jamie Lynn that he’d cheated on her and gotten that girl pregnant.”

In fact, Star even insists Casey was openly dating yet another girl at the same time as he was supposed to be romancing Spears. “Yes, my sister is dating Casey – they’ve been dating for a while,” said Kevin Seals of his sister Whitney Seals.

“I know Jamie Lynn was real jealous about Whitney’s relationship with Casey.”

[From Showbizspy]

According to this article it sounds like it’s still possible that Casey is the father, but that it’s more likely to be this unnamed producer on her show who took advantage of her. There are at least seven “directors” of Zoey 101 listed on IMDB, and not all of them have ages or biographical data, so it would be pointless to speculate who the father might be. If it’s true that an older man who worked with young Jamie Lynn was preying on her like that, he needs to go to jail. As it is, he’s probably trying to lay low, just like Casey has been doing. The tabloids aren’t going to let up on this one and I bet that guy’s identity will be revealed soon.

Header image thanks to popbytes.