About 999 crack shenanigans ago, Lindsay Lohan sued the rapper Pitbull. Do you remember that? Go here for the 2011 recap. In Pitbull’s song “Give Me Everything,” he raps the line “Hustlers move aside, so I’m tiptoein’, to keep flowin’/I got it locked up like Lindsay Lohan.” Which I still don’t even think is bad PR or defamatory or anything. Lindsay sued Pitbull, probably thinking that Pitbull would just throw some money at her to make her go away (which is what E*Trade did when faced with a similar situation). Instead, Pitbull wouldn’t play LL’s game – he playfully invited Lindsay to his date to the VMAs, and he chose to fight her in court. Well, there’s been some movement!

Pitbull didn’t just win his legal war with Lindsay Lohan … he ANNIHILATED HER … TMZ has learned.

We broke the story … Lohan sued the rapper in 2011 for using her name in his hit song “Give Me Everything” … when he dropped the line, “I got it locked up like Lindsay Lohan.”

Lohan claimed Pitbull never got permission to use her name … and therefore he had no right to profit off of it.

But today a New York federal judge sided with Pitbull … ruling that Lindsay is dead wrong on the law — because the song is a work of art protected by the 1st amendment and Lindsay’s barely even mentioned.

The judge also ruled that Lindsay’s allegations that she suffered emotional distress were also BS.

The case has been dismissed.

[From TMZ]

Hahahahahahahahahahaha.

*deep breath*

HAHAHAHAHA. OMG. I love this news. I’m not a crazy Pitbull fan or anything, but I was on his side in this and I’m glad that the legal system backed him up. I’m also assuming that Pitbull didn’t even have to pay for Lindsay’s legal fees, which means that her cracked-out attempt to sue her way into financial stability has left her even more broke than before.

Would you like another sad/funny story about poor, crackie Lindsay? According to the Enquirer, she gets all drunk and high and then she starts calling up all of her “celebrity friends,” begging them for money:

DEEPLY troubled LINDSAY LOHAN’ been drunk-dialing her exes – and just about anyone else who’ll talk to her – in a desperate search for cash and a job, say insiders.

The 26-year-old Hollywood train wreck “needs some heavy hitters to hook her up,” a close source told The ENQUIRER.

“Her legal bills alone could buy a small country, and no one is safe. Wilmer Valderrama, Samantha Ronson, Stavros Niarchos and Jared Leto have all been targeted by Lindsay. She’s also calling in favors from Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian, Nicole Richie and others.

“Problem is, she smells of desperation and almost everyone is running.”

Incredibly, so many former friends have blocked Lindsay’s rambling calls that she frequently has to change her cell phone number to get through. Luckily, she does have a few lifelines left, including Charlie Sheen.

As The ENQUIRER recently reported, her old pal Ashton Kutcher is also giving support. And three international “sugar daddies” are reportedly paying some of the “Mean Girls” star’s expenses.

But the booze-addled actress is still badly strapped.

“She’s not thinking straight and even reaching out to people she swore she’d never talk to again,” said the source. “She leaves long rambling messages that are rarely returned. It’s all very sad.”

[From The Enquirer]

So, Ashton is giving her some money and Charlie “Captain Save A Ho” is still on the hook, plus Domingo Zapata, Vikram Chatawal, and at least one Middle Eastern prince. And still that’s not enough. I hate to put it in these terms, but I have to ask: is Lindsay really bad at hooking? I mean, she’s got several very wealthy men “on the hook” but she still can’t get it together enough to make at least one of these guys pay off her debts and support her lifestyle? Am I thinking about it in the wrong terms? Is her priority “not being owned by any one man”? Because I think she should just go ahead and become a kept woman. It will mean less crack shenanigans.

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet and WENN.

Last week, Linnocent decided that she simply wasn’t spending enough time in court, so she decided to sue rapper Pitbull. Apparently, Pitbull has a song called “Give Me Everything” where he name-checks Linnocent with the lyric: “Hustlers move aside, so I’m tiptoein’, to keep flowin’/I got it locked up like Lindsay Lohan”. Linnocent wept bitter crack tears and filed a lawsuit claiming that this one line is part of “condemnation, excoriation, disparaging or defamatory statements by the defendants about the plaintiff are destined to do irreparable harm to the plaintiff.” Anyway, now that a week has passed, Pitbull has finally responded to this dumbass lawsuit. He’s surprisingly classy about the whole thing, but I find him a bit too ass-kissy. Here’s part of the video:

Planet Pit Exclusive: Pitbull speaks on Lindsay Lohan Lawsuit from Planet Pit on Vimeo.

The best defense is a surprising offense. And that’s one thing Pitbull certainly seems to have, well, locked down. The rapper behind one of the hottest summer anthems has broken his silence about Lindsay Lohan’s bizarre lawsuit filed against him last week, in which she claimed she suffered from pain and mental anguish after getting unflatteringly name checked in “Give Me Everything.”

So Pitbull did his best to make things right during an interview with Univision. No, not by offering a settlement—by asking her to be his date at this weekend’s VMAs! Where, incidentally, he will be performing said song.

Hey, go big or go home, right?

“I will be performing this at the VMAs, and as a matter of fact, I’d like to send out an invitation to Lindsay Lohan, hopefully she can come with me to the VMAs and maybe we can figure this out,” he explained.

Unsurprisingly, LiLo has yet to comment on the invitation. He might want to have a backup plus-one banked, just in case.

Still, Pitbull showed genuine remorse over the misunderstanding in his sit-down, telling Primer Impacto that he was “very surprised” upon hearing about the lawsuit.

“To me it was very ironic, to be honest with you. At first I read it, and I was like, you’ve got to be joking. I came to find out it was very realistic.”

He went on to note that he “support[s] Lindsay Lohan’s career,” and thinks of the lyrical call-out as a “positive” thing.

“When I mentioned Lindsay Lohan in the record, it was a really positive message,” he explained. “When I say ‘I got it locked up’…that means you run that neighborhood. When I say ‘I got it locked up like Lindsay Lohan,’ I say she runs her world, I’m trying to run mine.”

Still, despite the song’s “positive message,” Pitbull said he never intended to “defame, degrade or hurt anyone’s career. We mention people’s names all the time. Rapping is always about double meanings and metaphors.”

Some clearly just more appreciated than others. Still, the rapper said that one good thing has come out of this “very fresh” mess:

“It means people are no longer just hearing the music, it means they’re listening to the music.”

Whether or not a certain oft-troubled starlet will be listening to the music from, say, the front row of the VMAs Sunday night, remains to be seen.

[From E! News]

I feel like he’s misusing the word “ironic”. Is he? Or is he saying that Linnocent’s lawsuit is “ironic” because his intention wasn’t to defame her, but to say that she had the world “locked up”? Whatever, I’m not going to think about it. Pitbull should have just used the word “stupid” or “moronic” or “cracked-out”.

I would honestly be surprised if Linnocent wasn’t seriously considering his offer to come to the VMAs. I’m sure she’ll still expect to be “paid” though – either for her “skills” or for some kind of “settlement” to make this dumb lawsuit go away. Bitch just wants to get paid.

Speaking of, I don’t even have the energy to go into Mother Crackhead’s cracked-out film financing hustle. Go here to read the details. Mother Crackhead is delusional and exhausting.

UPDATE: TMZ reports that Linnocent is “blowing off his apology for using her name in a song … and rejecting his invitation to the MTV VMAs. Sources close to Lindsay tell us she has no interest in going to the VMAs — and Pitbull’s apology has no impact on the lawsuit … it’s moving forward.” Dumb crackhead. You know she desperately wants to go to the VMAs.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Linnocent will sue anybody over anything. No, that’s not true. If you are rich and Linnocent thinks you’re good for a quick payout, and you happen to use the name “Lindsay” in passing, Linnocent will sue you. Remember the E*Trade “milkaholic” lawsuit? They ended up SETTLING with Linnocent just because they didn’t want to deal with the dumbest lawsuit ever. So Linnocent needs money and her (alleged) hooking isn’t paying like it used to, so Linnocent called her lawyers and checked to see if there was anyone rich she could sue. Guess what?

Lindsay Lohan has just sued the rapper Pitbull for a line in his mega-hit, “Give Me Everything,” for a disparaging lyric about her.

The song — written by Ne-Yo and Afrojack, also defendants — has a line:

Hustlers move aside, so I’m tiptoein’, to keep flowin’
I got it locked up like Lindsay Lohan.

Lindsay is pissed, claiming in her lawsuit … “the lyrics, by virtue of its wide appeal, condemnation, excoriation, disparaging or defamatory statements by the defendants about the plaintiff are destined to do irreparable harm to the plaintiff.”

Lindsay, who claims in the lawsuit she is “a professional actor of good repute and standing in the Screen Actors Guild, is suing under the New York civil rights laws, which protects people from having their name exploited for commercial purposes.

Lindsay alleges the appearance of her name in the song “causes [Lindsay] to be associated and identified in connection with defendants.”

The suit — filed by Stephanie Ovadia — seeks an injunction to stop all of the defendants from broadcasting the song. It also seeks unspecified damages. Ovadia is the same lawyer who filed the E*TRADE lawsuit on Lindsay’s behalf, which settled for a confidential sum.

[From TMZ]

There isn’t a “BITCH PLEASE” big enough for this dumb crackhead. I’ve lost count of how many times Linnocent has been hauled into court for her years of illegal crap. I’ve lost count of how many times that bitch has been in rehab, AND how many times she’s been in jail. Since when is it defamation (or condemnation, or disparaging) to simply say “Linnocent has been in lock-up”? Or “Linnocent looks like a crackhead”? Or “Linnocent is a damn mess”?

It will be interesting to see if Pitbull ends up settling because he just doesn’t want to deal with her. This is her dumb, crackie career plan. This is how she makes money now – she just sues people for saying “Hey, you were in jail.” And people don’t want to deal with her idiotic, asinine crack drama, so they just throw some money at her and hope she goes away without infecting them with her loserdom.

Photos courtesy of Fame.